Light in Bandaged Places: Healing in the Wake of Young Betrayal

by Liz Kinchen

Light in Bandaged Places shows us the harm done when an older man in a position of power convinces a child that sex with him is alright because he loves her. This poignant story takes us through the long-term wounding of such abuse―and the multifaceted path of healing.

As a lonely girl coming of age in the 1970s, Liz has every reason to believe her 8th-grade teacher is in love with her. Because the sex isn’t physically violent and is wrapped in a message of love, she learns to exchange sex for attention. It feels like love, after all. But years later, as an adult, emotional closeness eludes Liz. Even after marrying a sensitive, caring man, she is walled off. Struggling through confusing years, she believes something is deeply wrong with her.

Healing begins when an unexpected event takes Liz back to those formative years, and she sees for the first time that what happened to her was not love but trauma. As she begins to understand how her relationship with her former teacher destroyed her innocence and self-worth, she begins a spiritual and psychological journey that sets her free.

Now a meditation teacher and Buddhist practitioner, Liz offers her story in hope of helping others along their own paths of discovery and healing.

Genres: Memoir, Psychology

312 pages, Paperback

Published September 5, 2023

About the author

Liz Kinchen is a writer, meditation teacher, and Buddhist practitioner. Her life is an interwoven tapestry of writing, healing from abuse, and spiritual journey. Her debut memoir, Light in Bandaged Places, portrays the creation of this tapestry, from childhood loneliness, young betrayal, and the journey to wholeness. With graduate degrees in computer science and counseling psychology, she worked in software development management for twenty-one years before moving into the nonprofit sector for seven- teen years as executive director of a small organization working with underserved children and families in Hon- duras. Her passions are loving her family, meditating, teaching mindfulness, writing, talking with close friends, and walking in nature. She is a contributing author to the anthology, Art in the Time of Unbearable Crisis, published by She Writes Press in 2022. Liz lives in the greater Boston area with her husband of over thirty years, with whom she raised three beautiful children, and she happily spends significant time on Sanibel Island, Florida. Find her at www.lizkinchen.com/author and information about her teaching at www.lizkinchen.com.

Reviews

[Candace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book. Light in Bandaged Places is a testament to the layers of healing that can sometimes take an entire lifetime. Liz Kinchen's strength and vulnerability in sharing her past will help those who have been preyed upon by a respected adult in their lives. In fact, it will inspire survivors of any type of trauma and abuse to have the courage to find their own spiritual path.

I also love the gorgeous book cover that represents Kintsugi, the ancient Japanese art of using gold to bond together pieces of broken pottery. In this tradition, the cracks are highlighted, drawing attention to, rather than away from, the breaks. Liz's story symbolizes these golden elements of healing and resilience, accepting life's imperfections and ultimately becoming more robust and beautiful along the way. I loved following along on her poignant journey of self-discovery.

I highly recommend this book.

[Rose Zimering · Rating 5 out of 5]

Light in Bandaged Places is a salve for people who feel broken by trauma. Kinchen has an open, honest and vulnerable writing style that immediately draws you in. The fear, pain, loneliness, as well as found freedom and peace are all palpable. The arc from isolation, alienation and secrecy to family, community, and service is the most profound message in the book. The author deftly demonstrates how moving from isolation to connection offers a path to healing from trauma. While Kinchen found her connection through family, friendship and spirituality, an important takeaway is that connection and community does not have to be prescriptive, it can be met by individual’s preferences, interests and passions. Read this book and pass it on!

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

One out of three women have been sexually molested/abused. Liz writes an eye-opening memoir about her experience with parental absenteeism and how it led to being groomed. She writes in candid detail about her sexual experiences as a teenager with a teacher. Her hunger for love and attention made her vulnerable to predators like him. That experience leads Liz away from who she is and into many years of searching for connection with herself and her husband.
She receives the gift of children all while navigating her adult life with her spouse who is patient, understanding, and who also needs her attention.
Liz stays brave and open-hearted as she seeks how to move from her place of distance with her spouse. A riveting book that is a page turner.

[Carol M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Light in Bandaged Places is a gift to the world. Kinchen took an amazing leap of faith to be so vulnerable and raw in sharing your childhood, adulthood and growth. I say to Liz, "Thank you for letting the reader (me!) into your life. Your story elucidates the nuance, the depth of trauma, struggle, recovery and growth that allows the reader a fuller understanding than any clinical definition or processes can describe. How brave, a marker of recovery, for you to engage the reader on such an intimate level. From clinician to survivor to family members, any reader can better appreciate the trauma of what others may experience. KUDOS, Liz!"

[pgait · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liz offers us her truth and journey as it unfolds in extraordinary, shocking and redemptive ways. This memoir highlights the power of seeing clearly, seeking help, leaning into support, and healing through self-discovery and the power of love. Liz's honest and harrowing story reminds us that we can be each other's caretakers and greatest heroes despite those who harm and diminish us. It's a wake-up call to stay diligent, to be our own best defenders, to claim our right to speak up, be seen and heard, and to embrace the love that surrounds us in order to heal and thrive. This book has helped me confront my own trauma with compassion and hope. A book for all who struggle, survive, and love.

[Corrine Pritchett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liz Kinchen writes her story of love, hope, and healing to show others that they can heal and have light in their damaged places as well. Though she talks about how her childhood was filled with legalistic religion and sexual abuse by a trusted adult, she learned how to heal her inner child. She embraces finding herself, learning how to heal from what has been done in the past, and developing practices for a healthy mind and life.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sending this book through the generosity of Goodreads Giveaways.
Being invited to follow Liz's journey is appreciated. I recognized myself in some of these stories, wondering how my days have been shaped by moments of youth of of my control. To come through with faith & a practice to guide you when others don't understand is a gift & a promise that others can help reshape their tomorrow.

[Books Forward · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this illuminating memoir, Liz Kinchen shines a light on how she learned to heal her inner child after being sexually abused during her childhood. Kinchen eloquently writes about her past trauma and how she has learned to heal - explaining practices that she hopes will help another develop a healthier mind and lifestyle.

[Diane M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been waiting for this beautifully written book to be available. It is a candid story of sexual grooming abuse and what is possible when you choose the path of healing. Liz's courage to publicly share her story to benefit others is both admirable and an unequivocal example of how she has broken the chains of secrecy ingrained from her young betrayal.

[Deborah Kasdan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emotional neglect, sexual abuse and healing

A gripping description of childhood experiences that led the author into a series of inappropriate and unhealthy adult relationships. With fierce determination and persistence Kinchen gains the wisdom to repair that early damage and allow the love locked inside her to flower.

[Ginelle Testa · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I have to say is WOW. I'm a slow reader and I devoured this book in less than a week. I identified in so many ways. The writing was beautiful and captivating and the story - so heartbreaking, but ultimately the healing was heartwarming. Great, great memoir.

[Kathy Elkind · Rating 5 out of 5]

Light in Bandaged Places is a moving, introspective, and honest memoir. The first half of the book is the story of abuse by a trusted teacher. In the second half, Kinchen takes us on her journey of healing from childhood trauma to wholeness. The story is beautifully interwoven with reflections on family relationships. Kinchen’s writing is raw, brave and full of hope.