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Hopeful Lament: Tending Our Grief Through Spiritual Practices
We need to rediscover lament to heal and hope again.
We've lost the practice of lament. Most people don't know how to process personal or communal mourning and instead struggle to honor their tears, vulnerability, and the full weight of these disillusioning times. But tending our grief might be exactly what we need to reimagine a way forward.
Tracing her difficult experiences of a catastrophic home fire, a threat to her child's well-being, and other devastating losses and upheavals, Terra McDaniel offers a clear framework for expressing heartache and burdens. McDaniel says, "Lament is surprisingly hopeful. As strange as that may sound now, I promise it’s true. It's an act of trust both that we can face pain and survive, and that God cares about our anger, confusion, doubt, grief, and fear. Lament refuses to bury pain or, just as dangerous, to give in to despair."
Hopeful Lament makes space for the powerful act of crying out before a loving God and offers provoking reflection questions, embodied practices, and applications for families with children. Learn how to journey gently through suffering.
We've lost the practice of lament. Most people don't know how to process personal or communal mourning and instead struggle to honor their tears, vulnerability, and the full weight of these disillusioning times. But tending our grief might be exactly what we need to reimagine a way forward.
Tracing her difficult experiences of a catastrophic home fire, a threat to her child's well-being, and other devastating losses and upheavals, Terra McDaniel offers a clear framework for expressing heartache and burdens. McDaniel says, "Lament is surprisingly hopeful. As strange as that may sound now, I promise it’s true. It's an act of trust both that we can face pain and survive, and that God cares about our anger, confusion, doubt, grief, and fear. Lament refuses to bury pain or, just as dangerous, to give in to despair."
Hopeful Lament makes space for the powerful act of crying out before a loving God and offers provoking reflection questions, embodied practices, and applications for families with children. Learn how to journey gently through suffering.
- GenresPsychology
191 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 10, 2023
6 people are currently reading
91 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
October 26, 2023
I have mixed feelings. There is important encouragement here about letting yourself and others mourn instead of skipping straight to, "Everything will be okay!" and there are some interesting practical suggestions to try. I especially appreciated the chapter about helping children deal with grief. That is SUCH a neglected facet of this already neglected topic.
But the way this book was filled with constant discussions of current events made me stressed. People process things very differently, and for some this would not be an issue or could even be helpful, but I am not one of them. And even aside from that, they often felt a bit preachy, and like they started out relevant to the topic but became tangents about The One Right Way To Handle Things without the space to dig into any nuances. This made things choppy sometimes.
And in the middle, as I was feeling uncomfortable with this, the author brought up that she keeps news notifications on on her phone, even though she winces every time one pops up, because it's important to care about people.
Frankly, I do not keep up with the news (and if I did, it would not be via phone notification that could pop up in the middle of anything I'm doing). I struggle enough with compassion fatigue just from the problems of people in my life and the bits of news I overhear from them. If I am to have any energy to actively care for my neighbors, I cannot absorb the sadness of the whole world. I am not big enough for that. But this sounded like not doing so makes you an uncaring person. (And no, I practically never tell people that I don't keep up with the news, because a fragile, uncaring person is exactly how I expect them to see me after that confession.)
And then, confusingly, the author followed this with a paragraph quoting someone who thinks human psyches are designed to know and care about the problems in their immediate neighborhood or village, not ALL the problems EVERYWHERE. And then she immediately moved on without acknowledging or attempting to reconcile the dissonance there.
That kind of turned me off, and it's a good example of what I didn't think worked. But there is still good information here, and if you process stress differently than I do, this might work better for you.
But the way this book was filled with constant discussions of current events made me stressed. People process things very differently, and for some this would not be an issue or could even be helpful, but I am not one of them. And even aside from that, they often felt a bit preachy, and like they started out relevant to the topic but became tangents about The One Right Way To Handle Things without the space to dig into any nuances. This made things choppy sometimes.
And in the middle, as I was feeling uncomfortable with this, the author brought up that she keeps news notifications on on her phone, even though she winces every time one pops up, because it's important to care about people.
Frankly, I do not keep up with the news (and if I did, it would not be via phone notification that could pop up in the middle of anything I'm doing). I struggle enough with compassion fatigue just from the problems of people in my life and the bits of news I overhear from them. If I am to have any energy to actively care for my neighbors, I cannot absorb the sadness of the whole world. I am not big enough for that. But this sounded like not doing so makes you an uncaring person. (And no, I practically never tell people that I don't keep up with the news, because a fragile, uncaring person is exactly how I expect them to see me after that confession.)
And then, confusingly, the author followed this with a paragraph quoting someone who thinks human psyches are designed to know and care about the problems in their immediate neighborhood or village, not ALL the problems EVERYWHERE. And then she immediately moved on without acknowledging or attempting to reconcile the dissonance there.
That kind of turned me off, and it's a good example of what I didn't think worked. But there is still good information here, and if you process stress differently than I do, this might work better for you.
September 9, 2023
Terra McDaniel writes to those of us who have lost the practice of individual and communal lament, stripped away by our Enlightenment roots and power-of-positive-thinking Western culture. In Hopeful Lament, the chapters layer together her personal stories (losing everything in a house fire, experiencing but also contributing to a toxic church culture, infant death, and living other heartbreaking seasons), exploration of Scripture (particularly the story of Job), a diverse roundup of quotes, and tools from her training as a spiritual director. In between each chapter is a suggested spiritual practice for expressing lament, as well as a variation that can be done with children. I especially loved these!
I didn’t know when I accepted Terra’s request and invitation back in March that her book would arrive months into Ben’s diagnoses in the middle of my own fresh upwelling of grief as school started and Ben continued treatment, isolated from his friends and communities. I’ve underlined something on almost every page and have already tried one of the spiritual activity prompts. Maybe the best endorsement I can give for this book is that I’ve already preordered two copies to send to some friends (with their permission) who are in their own intense seasons of life. A beautiful book for anyone who has walked through hard seasons or is in one now.
I didn’t know when I accepted Terra’s request and invitation back in March that her book would arrive months into Ben’s diagnoses in the middle of my own fresh upwelling of grief as school started and Ben continued treatment, isolated from his friends and communities. I’ve underlined something on almost every page and have already tried one of the spiritual activity prompts. Maybe the best endorsement I can give for this book is that I’ve already preordered two copies to send to some friends (with their permission) who are in their own intense seasons of life. A beautiful book for anyone who has walked through hard seasons or is in one now.
November 13, 2023
3.5 I struggled to find and follow the threads of personal and global discussions of each chapter. I ended up scan reading those---although some people may find these discussions helpful. She quoted lots of my favorite authors, Jan Richardson, Cole Author Riley, Chuck DeGroot to name a few.
BUT her SPIRITUAL PRACTICES are GOLD!!! The 10 practices in this book (as well as the family with young children adaptations) are a pathway to wholeness and healing. What a beautiful pathway and invitation.
BUT her SPIRITUAL PRACTICES are GOLD!!! The 10 practices in this book (as well as the family with young children adaptations) are a pathway to wholeness and healing. What a beautiful pathway and invitation.
July 21, 2023
Terra McDaniel writes about how essential lament is in the Christian life, helping her readers understand how they can truly grieve their losses without papering over their pain through platitudes or spiritual bypassing. She writes some about how her theology has shifted and changed over time towards a better understanding of how God is truly with us in our pain, rather than always trying to teach us a lesson or punishing us in some way, and she shows how lament can help Christians lean on and trust God through heartbreaking circumstances.
McDaniel shares about some of her own experiences, such as losing her family home to a fire, leaving a toxic and traumatic church situation, and mourning the death of her grandchild when her daughter suffered a traumatic pregnancy loss. She weaves in Scripture and Bible stories throughout the book, and she provides readers with helpful insights about how grief affects our minds, bodies, and souls. Each chapter ends with a suggested practice for processing grief, such as talking to God with breath prayers, tearing fabric or paper, and journaling laments. She suggests modifications for doing these activities with children as well, and one of the final chapters is about helping children grieve.
Hopeful Lament: Tending Our Grief Through Spiritual Practices is a powerful resource for suffering Christians. I found some of the author's political and social commentary oversimplified and distracting, and I wish that she had unpacked these ideas in a more nuanced way, but I still greatly appreciated this book's wisdom about grieving many different types of losses. This will be helpful for people to read individually or with family and friends, and it can be very valuable in counseling and therapeutic contexts.
I received a free ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
McDaniel shares about some of her own experiences, such as losing her family home to a fire, leaving a toxic and traumatic church situation, and mourning the death of her grandchild when her daughter suffered a traumatic pregnancy loss. She weaves in Scripture and Bible stories throughout the book, and she provides readers with helpful insights about how grief affects our minds, bodies, and souls. Each chapter ends with a suggested practice for processing grief, such as talking to God with breath prayers, tearing fabric or paper, and journaling laments. She suggests modifications for doing these activities with children as well, and one of the final chapters is about helping children grieve.
Hopeful Lament: Tending Our Grief Through Spiritual Practices is a powerful resource for suffering Christians. I found some of the author's political and social commentary oversimplified and distracting, and I wish that she had unpacked these ideas in a more nuanced way, but I still greatly appreciated this book's wisdom about grieving many different types of losses. This will be helpful for people to read individually or with family and friends, and it can be very valuable in counseling and therapeutic contexts.
I received a free ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
December 19, 2023
Terra McDaniel’s excellent work toward recovering lament is a gift. At the outset, she argues that “lament is surprisingly hopeful,” and her own story of personal loss and grief is a solid anchor for the practices she shares for processing the sorrows of life.
Since most Westerners need a nudge to feel our feelings, chapter one serves as permission to grieve. Then, what follows is practical wisdom on the “how” of biblical lament, for it takes practice and needs focused attention.
When we give ourselves over to the work of lament, we acknowledge the reality that all is truly NOT well with the world. When we are freed to acknowledge the depth of our need, the beauty, truth, and invitation of the gospel shine brightly.
Many thanks to InterVarsity Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
Since most Westerners need a nudge to feel our feelings, chapter one serves as permission to grieve. Then, what follows is practical wisdom on the “how” of biblical lament, for it takes practice and needs focused attention.
When we give ourselves over to the work of lament, we acknowledge the reality that all is truly NOT well with the world. When we are freed to acknowledge the depth of our need, the beauty, truth, and invitation of the gospel shine brightly.
Many thanks to InterVarsity Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
November 30, 2025
I bought this book as recommended by an excellent speaker I heard on talking to children about lament and grief. Having read a lot of academic sources on biblical lament recently, I didn't really think this contributed anything too new or thought-provoking for me on the topic. Nonetheless, I found McDaniel's personal stories compelling and I thought the book offers some great practical ideas for facilitating prayers of lament with all ages. This is a solid, but highly accessible book that would be great for interested lay ministry leaders looking for an introduction to this topic and suggestions for engagement.
March 18, 2024
I really appreciated McDaniel's thorough, multi-faceted approach to grief and lament. She understands that to grieve well, we can't stay in our heads. Terra weaves together her family's story of loss with key Scripture, spiritual practices, and compassion. I'll be buying a few copies to give away.
December 2, 2024
We need McDaniel's beautiful book, Hopeful Lament, to coach us in our lament. The book offers stories and lament practices that can help us better cope. I loved it!
November 17, 2023
Summary: Out of a string of experiences of loss, the writer, a spiritual director writes about grief, lament, and the hope inherent in biblical lament.
Terra McDaniel and her family went through a season of life where her friends began to liken her to Job. Their house burned to the ground, their daughter lost a child amid a life-threatening miscarriage, and her husband lost his pastoral position, resulting in their deparure from a church community they helped nurture from a home group.
As a spiritual director, and with the aid of others, she turned to the practice of lament to tend her grief. She writes because she believes we all need to recover the practice of lament. If nothing else, we’ve all lived through the experience of loss and grief in the pandemic, and the societal and environmental upheavals of recent years. And lament both heals and engenders hope in allowing us to express our griefs, all our emotions, questions and losses to God rather than being caught in a downward spiral.
Over ten chapters, she walks us through how this is so. Lament gives us permission to grieve and not suppress our grief but walk through it. Lament allows us to speak our sadness, with biblical lament offering us language to express our sorrows to God. Lament allows us to give our vulnerability, our “broken hallelujahs” to God and to discover that this is enough. She explores trauma and how it manifests physically and the practices that allow one to gently and safely lament trauma. She addresses how we lament when what we’ve lost is a toxic Christian community and the complicated work of both grieving and confessing our own complicity. Sometimes grief comes to whole families and she offers guidance of how we do that both individually and together, particularly with children who may grieve differently but need to grieve, whether it is the loss of a pet or a parent. Finally, she explores how we make our way through lament to life beginning anew.
Each of the chapters is accompanied with an exercise with suggestions both for adults and children. And this is one of the strengths of the work, its recognition that lament is important to children and shared experiences, whether making collages, using our bodies to express how we feel, or terra divina, identifying an object in nature and thinking about what God might say to us through the object.
McDaniel’s book gives permission to “feel all the feels” and express them to God, to take the time to tend and go through our grief, and offers ways to give voice both verbally and bodily, with all our being, to our laments. She shows sensitivity to safety, to what triggers, and to times when we need to get help. It’s a book born of real-life experience honestly shared. We and those we love will face loss. This book, along with caring friends, can be a trusted companion offering help and hope.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
Terra McDaniel and her family went through a season of life where her friends began to liken her to Job. Their house burned to the ground, their daughter lost a child amid a life-threatening miscarriage, and her husband lost his pastoral position, resulting in their deparure from a church community they helped nurture from a home group.
As a spiritual director, and with the aid of others, she turned to the practice of lament to tend her grief. She writes because she believes we all need to recover the practice of lament. If nothing else, we’ve all lived through the experience of loss and grief in the pandemic, and the societal and environmental upheavals of recent years. And lament both heals and engenders hope in allowing us to express our griefs, all our emotions, questions and losses to God rather than being caught in a downward spiral.
Over ten chapters, she walks us through how this is so. Lament gives us permission to grieve and not suppress our grief but walk through it. Lament allows us to speak our sadness, with biblical lament offering us language to express our sorrows to God. Lament allows us to give our vulnerability, our “broken hallelujahs” to God and to discover that this is enough. She explores trauma and how it manifests physically and the practices that allow one to gently and safely lament trauma. She addresses how we lament when what we’ve lost is a toxic Christian community and the complicated work of both grieving and confessing our own complicity. Sometimes grief comes to whole families and she offers guidance of how we do that both individually and together, particularly with children who may grieve differently but need to grieve, whether it is the loss of a pet or a parent. Finally, she explores how we make our way through lament to life beginning anew.
Each of the chapters is accompanied with an exercise with suggestions both for adults and children. And this is one of the strengths of the work, its recognition that lament is important to children and shared experiences, whether making collages, using our bodies to express how we feel, or terra divina, identifying an object in nature and thinking about what God might say to us through the object.
McDaniel’s book gives permission to “feel all the feels” and express them to God, to take the time to tend and go through our grief, and offers ways to give voice both verbally and bodily, with all our being, to our laments. She shows sensitivity to safety, to what triggers, and to times when we need to get help. It’s a book born of real-life experience honestly shared. We and those we love will face loss. This book, along with caring friends, can be a trusted companion offering help and hope.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews