The Ten-Year Nap

by Meg Wolitzer

Ten years after leaving high-power jobs to raise their children, four New York friends enter their forties while struggling with the differences between their past ideals and their present realities, a situation that become turbulent when one of them meets a successful working mother of three who seems to have it all. 40,000 first printing.

Genres: Fiction, Book Club, Contemporary, Audiobook, Literary Fiction, Womens, Family

351 pages, Hardcover

First published March 27, 2008

About the author

Meg Wolitzer is the New York Times–bestselling author of The Interestings, The Uncoupling, The Ten-Year Nap, The Position, The Wife, and Sleepwalking. She is also the author of the young adult novel Belzhar. Wolitzer lives in New York City.

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost didn't agree to reviewing The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer because I was wary of the subject matter: stay at home mothers. I tend to get all prickly and weird around this topic because it is SO loaded and I realize that even though I have often BEEN at home during my children's lives, I do not want to be considered or think of myself as a SAHM. I've always worked part time or at home. I used to say, "I'm a stay at home mom, but my kids are not stay at home kids." (they went to daycare/preschool from a very young age and I truly believe we are all much the better for it)

But I decided to go for it anyway and I am so glad that I did. First of all, the writing in this book just made me incredibly happy. I loved the sentences. For the first time in a very very long time, I found myself actually underlining passages on every page. Because I was so tickled to death by the way Meg Wolitzer puts words together. As I read, I made satisfied noises out loud. I laughed out loud many, many times while I read this book. Some examples:

A husband had admitted that he swallowed their hyperactive son's Ritalin every evening on the commuter train going home so he could actually pay attention at night when his wife told him about her day.

One of the mothers.. was a theoretical physicist with a particular interest in string theory, and she looked not tormented and overcome, but happy. Amy had seen her recently balancing a tray of sliding, homemade cupcakes... the cupcakes bore smears of oddly gray frosting that seemed like the outcome of a radical FDA experiment in food coloring, but so what?

When the elevator arrived, the doors opened to reveal two women dressed for work, both in suits. Amy felt as though she must seem to them a rumpled bed, or a sweet old farm animal.

HA! I know that feeling. I feel like that even when I am dressed "for work."

At any rate, the book follows a group of intelligent, interesting women whose children are all about ten years old. They "opted out" of their work (or artistic) lives when their children were born, and now that their children are leaning towards independence, they are startled and trying to figure out what to do with themselves.

I found it fascinating, moving, hilarious, poignant and very rich. I think this would make a tremendous book club book. There are so many layers of things to discuss - money issues, sexuality, friendship between women, loyalty, parenting, jealousy, marriage. Not one of these issues is glossed over, but examined in great and affectionate detail. Each woman is extremely human and we are made to feel sympathy for each of them.

It was somewhat sad to me that the one adoptive mother in the book has a "parental attachment disorder," ie she is constantly stressed over her daughter's "differentness" and is unable to feel good about her. That made me sad. Interestingly, and thankfully, the other mothers in the group really love this woman's daughter and seem to be able to appreciate her for who she is.

Also, the Asian woman in the group, as another blogger pointed out, is a stereotypical math geek. WHY does it have to be the Asian woman? (her husband, also Asian, is also a math geek banker) I have to admit that Wolitzer wrote about her obsession with numbers (she is constantly converting things into metric measurements in her head, which is quite endearing and weirdly fascinating) quite beautifully, but I hated that it was the Asian woman. Also that she had a teeny slender little body and immigrant parents who work in a dumpling shop. Ugh. PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSE.

But other than that, I found this book to be extreeeemely satisfying. I want everyone I know to read it so we can talk about it. In fact, one of the things I loved most about this book was the deep treatment of womens' conversations; the things they will and will not discuss with each other. I was riveted by this subject matter because I notice these things all the time; the boundaries we have with each other. I notice what people choose to tell me or not tell me, and I notice the same things about myself, and how much I measure our friendships in that regard. If you were having an affair, who would you tell? If you were having trouble with money?

There are no easy answers, and no right answers. This book will make you laugh but it will also make you think. It's a great combination.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted so much to give this book five stars. It was soooooo good for the first 300 pages, talking about the nuances of motherhood, feminism and women's worlds in the US as lived through four women who gather every week at a diner in New York City to talk about (in)fidelity, love, work, children, and -- for the token smart Asian woman -- numbers.
The writing is fluid, smart, funny and right-on; the story better (These highly educated women have left careers to mother their kids and hate being asked, sometimes by their own husbands, what they do all day. One of them befriends a full-time worker bee who has not compromised her mothering or her career -- she has both -- only to find out perhaps she is making compromises, after all); but the ending, like most I have read lately, falls flat on its face. As I writer, I understand the pressure to resolve conflict and come up with a good ending... and I kept reading the last 50 pages, compelled by the previous 300 and hoping for something even more compelling, but alas, it was like the characters had nothing more to say and were just standing around, waiting for Godot, and so they decided to just start thinking aloud... and it changed the pace and substance and star-rating for the entire book, for the worse, unfortunately. If you read this book and love the first 300 pages, tell me if you, too are disappointed by the end.
(Ps- For the record, like one of the book's character's, I'm an Asian woman, too, but not into numbers nor do I recite prime numbers to help me fall asleep.)

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a perfect example of relativity. Looked at from a certain perspective, apparently, it is funny and sympathetic and a right on evaluation of modern motherhood. Looked at from another, there isn't a true note in it and all that humor and seeming sympathy are moot because its careless plot and unhelpable characters seem to lose the author's interest. And no wonder! There's really nothing interesting in their lives except for their own silent pondering and fretting over their priveleged lives. Fine! We all fret and ponder, no matter how priveleged we are. It's the human condition! So make something of it! Show us some deeper purpose to our suffering! Reveal how this longing ... oh, wait, I thought I was reading Virginia Woolf there for a minute. Right, this is just popular fiction, and Meg Wolitzer has, in the end, just cheaply made hash of the question of what a woman is to do with her life. At first, she seems sympathetic to the competing demands -- not everyone, it turns out, has a passion to work, and sometimes that passion can take a toll that has to be paid for by other people. Fine, a little sympathetic. But Wolitzer misses the point of how complicated these matters are and doesn't in the end allow her main heroine to have any sort of transcendent realization that would help us all out of this tricky situation. Being the best caretaker of your own children seems a romantic notion that in the end manifests not very much. Better for them to be in the care of underpaid (and probably benefit-less) nannies while their mothers pursue their artistic, scientific or financial dreams. The nanny, it appears, is the one who gets the most job satisfaction out of raising polite, well-fed children.
Obviously, from my point of view. the book is not funny. Maybe I'm touchy because I have chosen to take care of my children and wonder what will all come of it myself. Maybe I wanted her to give me some answers. Maybe I just wish her characters didn't whine so much about their priveleged lives. Maybe Wolitzer and I just have different expectations from books.

[Angie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish I could say I didn't like this book just because I built it up in my head too much while waiting for the other 20 library holds before me, but I'm sure this isn't the only reason. The moms in this book are a world apart from the moms I associate with, and maybe I'd like this book more in another ten years. The book didn't seem to capture the stress and chaos that mothers experience, but maybe that's because the main character has one 10 year old child. With 3 children who are not yet old enough to go to school, the chaos factor at our house can get overwhelming.

I loved the idea of the book, because I left a very satisfying career to stay at home with my children, and as a result, I often feel the world is passing by and I'm missing it all. I hoped the book would explore these feelings more. Maybe it's unfair to give the book 2 stars because it wasn't what I wanted it to be. But really, it doesn't seem to relate to any of the moms I know. Our days are exhausting and frustrating, and rarely consist of dropping a child at school and then meeting friends for lunch where we complain about the direction of our lives. Even though the characters did have struggles, it didn't capture the many facets of being a stay at home mom.

[Olive Fellows (abookolive) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one is kind of like Sex and the City, but they all have kids from the start.

[Debby · Rating 1 out of 5]

This isn't a book I would normally be drawn to read, but the title intrigued me. I decided to read it more for curiosity sake, knowing full well what I was getting into, as far as the feminist agenda goes.
.
The Ten Year Nap is about 4 friends who were raised hearing the feminism message, "As a woman, you can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. You can have it all and you deserve it!" So they each pursued the college, marriage and career route until, around the age of 30, they began having kids. Then, they each chose to leave their careers and be stay-at-home moms. Now, 10 years later and entering their 40's, each of them are re-thinking their decision and looking at their options for their future.

No big surprises here. The title of the book and the last sentence in the book are the best summary statement: The Ten Year Nap AND After a while you wake up and move on to something else.

WOW! Really? I guess you can be and do whatever you want as a woman. But, if you choose to be a wife and mother? Well, then you're really just "napping" in any real sense of commitment and self-fulfillment.

To that I'll say one word - CRAP! (oh, I forgot...in my opinion.)

[Britta Böhler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nobody can handle a big cast of characters better than Meg Wolitzer.

[B · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is not a bad book, but it simply doesn't deliver what it promises. I didn't feel any understanding or connection to any of these mothers, the ones who, 10 years ago, decided to stop working to take care of their children. I was expecting some kind of insight into their lives, their decisions and the consequences but I could not understand any of their reasons for not having gone back to work when their children have been at school for around 5 years. This is even made worse by the fact that most of them could not afford not to work and were unhappy with their lives.
The book is confusing, with too many characters, and maybe that's why most of them are cliche, as well as immature and terribly spoiled.
The end feels rushed and underdeveloped; after nothing happening for most of the book, everyone suddenly takes a decision as to what to do without any real build up to it.
It's a real shame because the topic of women choices and the decision to become a working mother or a stay at home one is a very interesting one that deserved a much better story.

[Jeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adore Meg Wolitzer! She is, perhaps, one of the most amazingly astute, proufoundly incisive, and brilliantly comic authors writing today. I still think "The Wife" is her most realized book to date, but "The Ten-Year Nap" is her most ambitious and, in many ways, the best novel she has written. Not only are the characters in this book thoroughly fleshed-out and spectacular in depth and coloration, but the writing is also so rich and so nuanced that I found myself savoring what the author said and the distinct voice in which she says it.

[Mara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chapters in this novel alternate between the modern-day lives of a group of women in New York City, all of whom have left careers behind to raise their children, and stories of their mothers or other women from an earlier generation, all of whom are feminists in their own way.

Wolitzer is telling us two things, I think. First, by contrasting the lives of mothers in the 1960s and '70s with those of their daughters in the late '90s and early 21st century, Wolitzer asks questions about what happened to the feminism that the earlier generation fought for. Is it lost because the next generation chose not to take advantage of it, or is it preserved because each woman has the choice, within her own family circumstances, of whether to work or not, and is not pushed into the role of stay-at-home-mom, merely because that's what is "done"?

And by looking at the lives of women who have been out of the workforce for about 10 years, she is able to describe the rewards as well as the drawbacks to that choice for different women. Wolitzer is not shy about describing either. Some of her characters feel incredibly rewarded by being able to stay home with their children, others are more ambivalent. Some continually toy with the idea of going back to work, while one is eventually forced to go back to work because of financial issues.

Although this novel sometimes reads as a series of vignettes or even interviews, Wolitzer brings it all together for a satisfying conclusion. Wolitzer looks at each character and each situation in a thoughtful way. This book is never preachy or judgmental, but is a gently told story about characters who are each sympathetic in their own way.

[Nancy · Rating 1 out of 5]

The "ten-year nap" of Meg Wolitzer's title is the ten years that each of her female protagonists spends as an at-home mother. And before I review this book, I just want to say this: NAP??? Really, Meg Wolitzer? What an unbelievable insult to every woman (and man) who has worked her tail off caring for infants, toddlers, pre-, middle- and high school-aged children.

The reviewer at Salon suggests that Wolitzer's "one agenda" is to "tell the truth about the lives" of at-home mothers. If this is a true portrait of their lives, it is a portrait done in mind-numbing, monochromatic, institutional green. We meet Amy, once a half-hearted lawyer, now the mother of young Mason and the wife of Leo, who doesn't want to have sex with her. Her best friend, the gorgeous blonde Jill, lives in the suburbs and hasn't made a friend in a year, mostly because all she can think about is her bizarrely disproportionate terror that adopted daughter Nadia may have a learning disability. They are joined by Roberta, the absurdly stereotypical politically active Jewish artist, who has lost her ability to paint; and finally, Karen, (also a walking stereotype), an Asian mother of twins who enjoys nothing more than reciting the Fibonacci sequence to herself. With the exception of Karen, the least-developed of the four characters, all the women are deeply self-absorbed and miserable; each of them believes that her life, and yes, her self, is worthless, because she is no longer doing the job she worked at ten years ago.

Now, forgive me if I sound harsh, but here were my exact thoughts: Okay. You had a choice between chocolate cake and apple pie. You chose the cake. Are you really going to spit out all your cake and fret endlessly about the pie you didn't choose? Or is it conceivable that you might grow up, acknowledge your choice, and ENJOY THE CAKE?

i GOT SO SICK OF THESE WOMEN. I have to say, this is one of the dreariest, most joyless books I have ever read. If the women and their husbands hadn't been such obvious cartoons, I would say I would run for miles rather than spend any time with them; but since they never came to life, no worries. Wolitzer has an unpleasant habit of drawing pointless, ineffective metaphors ("'Mason,' she cried in a dry, fruitless voice."), but she occasionally tells a marvelous story: the one I liked was when Roberta was doing a puppet show for some children, and one of them stands up and cries, "OH MOMMY, WHEN WILL IT BE OVER?" Not only is that a funny story, it perfectly expresses my feelings as I plowed through this novel.

[Sonya · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not much for recounting plot in a mini-review. You can read the backmatter and blurbs if you want to know what happens in this novel. Had I been able, I would have given this book 3.5 stars, but can't bump it all the way up to four. The novel is successful in linking the concepts of women in pre- and post-9/11 life and the work they do or do not do, but does not construct a complete world where these characters are supposedly living. The tone is almost too polemic, and there are some plot contrivances that require more dramatic resolution. Wolitzer has a strong grasp of character building as far as she goes, and there are a couple of very lovely moments, but ultimately, I was left wanting more than she could deliver. The novel is certainly worth reading, but will soon be forgotten.

[Anastasia Pereira · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. I though the subject matter had some potential but all of these characters were unlikable. “Wah-wah-wah, my life is so boring, should I have been a stay-at-home-mom?”
I found myself dreading and not caring to read this book, because getting to know these characters lead to nowhere. The plot does not grab, and there are some haphazard short-story-like chapters thrown in that didn’t add very much. Redeeming moments are few and far between. I can’t believe I actually read the whole thing. It took me over two months. Maybe 2.5 stars? That’s being generous. A let down.

[Nicole Johns · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Ten Year Nap is an easy, enjoyable read. I am not a fan of 'mommy lit', but this is smart and real. An ensemble of characters share the stage with the main character, Amy. We hear all of their stories, plus a few historical figures give light to their own life and times.

This novel examines what kinds of choices women make as mothers and wives, in an honest, however general way. The book doesn't go deep, but wide, and with that choice we get a glimpse at several lives but never really uncover any deeper truths or questions. But it was fun to read.

[Bookworm · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. I really enjoyed The Wife but found this plot to drag. Found myself tuning out and not at all engaging with the story.

[Sarah Cler · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I could, I would give this three and a half stars. Very mixed feelings about this one. First of all, this is the first Meg Wolitzer book I've read and I think she's a brilliantly talented writer. Her sentences are like works of art, and she captures characters and life moments with such precision it's almost painful.

The book chronicles four upper middle class Manhattan women friends in their late 30s/early 40s, all of whom have given up their careers (some high-powered, some not) to stay home and raise children. Each of them have hit the decade mark in their stay-at-home careers (hence the title) and are somewhat consumed by self doubt, aimlessness, and guilt. The protagonist, Amy, befriends a working mother who's in the midst of a torrid extramarital affair; the affair and the Amy's preoccupation with her new cheatin' friend causes a ripple effect of conflict and controversy amongst the circle of friends. Along the way Wolitzer examines a sea of peripheral characters as well, including the women's husbands, mothers, and a handful of female acquaintances.

Wolitzer's explorations of so many characters is what kept me from giving the book a higher rating. This is just personal preference on my part - I love delving into a few characters instead of getting samples of a lot of characters. She also uses flashbacks quite liberally, which I always find a bit jarring as a reader, especially if I'm particularly riveted by a lead character's current situation, as I was with Amy's.

The themes, Wolitzer's ability to capture wife-and-motherhood in all its monotony and tedium hits almost too close to home. Also, I think Wolitzer is making a final judgment (though subtle, which I give her a lot of credit for) about a woman's decision to stay at home and raise children, and the judgment is a negative one. She is quietly critical of, though sympathetic to, the lot of a woman who puts her career on hold (or abandons it) to focus on her family and household. Ouch. A particularly rough, though insightful, conclusion for a reader who happens to be a stay-at-home mom.

[TaraShea Nesbit · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this quickly and with infatuation with the sentences, the pacing, and overall construction. Things are being Said, with that big S, but also being said with the quiet little s, too. Parenthood is described with a particular fullness, and marriage is explored with range. The movement in time and lineages creates layers of culpability--ultimately there is not one thing allowed to be blamed for unhappiness. And, this book is funny!

Samples: "And then she had stopped herself from such circular, obsessive thoughts, because they got you nowhere and only forced you into an untenable posture of sadness and regret" (161). Posture, yes.
"...they way that fragility always increases the price of a thing of beauty" (22).

"You, the brainy, restless female, were the one who had to keep your family life rolling forward like a tank. You, of all people, were in charge of *snacks*" (14). *=ital.

[Betsy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was recently thinking that I was sort of tired of books about middle aged male angst. I don't care for Richard Ford's writing for this reason. Turns out I feel the same way about middle aged female angst too. Almost gave up on listening to this a couple of times (which would have then gotten it 1 star), but the story was just compelling enough to keep me listening. It was basically a bunch of whiny women bemoaning their lives while existing in a bubble of white privilege.

[Claire Curtis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really 3 1/2 stars. I did read this years ago and only remembered in the second chapter. I am not as enthralled by women and children and work and marriage books these days. And the main character is so annoying! But it does draw you in and there are parts I really liked both times.
(Also I am feeling better after a string of 5 star reads: I am capable of discernment!)

[Buchdoktor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amy, Roberta, Jill und Karen sind Mütter und Nur-Hausfrauen der New Yorker Mittelschicht, die jeden Morgen ihre schulpflichtigen Kinder antreiben, damit sie pünktlich zur Schule kommen. Bei Müttern 10-jähriger Kinder, die ganztags in der Schule sind, könnte man sich fragen, womit die Damen ihre Zeit verbringen, außer sich regelmäßig im Stammcafé „Golden Horn“ zu treffen. Zu Beginn des Romans scheint Amy im Mittelpunkt der Handlung zu stehen, deren Mann Leo erfolgreicher Anwalt ist. Trotz Leos überdurchschnittlichem Einkommen lebt das Paar in seiner Mittelstands-Blase (samt Privatschule für Sohn Mason) über seine Verhältnisse und hält sich dabei für arm. Vor der Geburt ihres Sohnes hatte Amy mit Leo gemeinsam in einer Kanzlei gearbeitet. Da sie sich zwar für ein Jura-Studium entschieden hatte, aber für keinen konkreten Beruf, hat sie sich inzwischen weder fortgebildet, noch andere Ziele angestrebt. Dass ihr Sohn längst eigenen Interessen folgt, scheint Amy erst spät zu registrieren. Das einzig Interessante an Amy scheint ihre Mutter zu sein, die vor 30 Jahren an einer Frauengruppe teilnahm und seitdem noch immer feministische Historienromane schreibt. Amy und ihre Schwestern mussten als Kinder früh lernen, allein klarzukommen. Ihre Mutter hoffte, dass ihre Töchter es einmal leichter haben und in ihrer Partnerschaft nicht um die Hausarbeit streiten würden. Mit Amys Mutter Antonia legt Meg Wolitzer im bereits 2008 erschienenen „The Ten Year Nap“ den Faden aus für ihr Thema der undankbaren Töchter feministischer Mütter, die die Errungenschaften der Frauenbewegung als selbstverständlich hinnehmen und zu wenig wertschätzen. 2018 wird Wolitzer den Faden in „Das weibliche Prinzip“ wieder aufnehmen.

Amy wirkt auf mich wie eine noch unbemalte Leinwand, die dazu dient, ihre Freundinnen und deren Herkunftsfamilien darzustellen. Roberta ist Künstlerin und mit einem Partner verheiratet, der ebenfalls andere Träume hatte, als für den Unterhalt seiner Familie zu buckeln. Karen, Tochter chinesischer Einwanderer, testet regelmäßig in Bewerbungsgesprächen ihren Marktwert als Datenanalystin, ohne jedoch eine Stelle anzunehmen. Jill und ihr Mann sind frisch in einen Vorort gezogen und haben nach langem vergeblichen Kinderwunsch ein Waisenkind aus Sibirien adoptiert. Im ersten Schuljahr wird deutlich, dass Nadia in ihrer Entwicklung zurückgeblieben ist und ohne intensive Unterstützung mit ihren Mitschülern nicht mithalten kann. Jede im Mütter-Quartett empfindet individuell den Druck, bitte endlich etwas zu leisten, ohne sich bewusst zu werden, dass ihre allein verdienenden Partner diesem Druck ohne die „Zehnjahrespause“ ausgesetzt sind.
Die Handlung spielt in der Zeit nach 2001 und zeigt in Rückblenden in die 60er und 70er Jahre, wie die vier Frauen aufwuchsen und von ihrer Herkunftsfamilie geprägt wurden.

Der „Zehnjahrespause“ ist deutlich anzumerken, dass der Roman bereits vor 10 Jahren verfasst wurde. Meg Wolitzer beobachtet präzise die Generation der Post-Spekulum-Generation, die im ersten Jahrzehnt des neuen Jahrtausends nicht mehr um Verhütung und Schwangerschaftsabbruch kämpfen muss, und schildert ihren Alltag so ausschweifend wie humorvoll. Gemessen an den beschriebenen Alltäglichkeiten war mir der Stil der deutschen Ausgabe ein wenig zu elitär (ein Kind besucht einen Kindergarten, ein Familienleben wird gestaltet, ein Vorstellungsgespräch absolviert) und die Übersetzung aus dem Englischen ist nicht fehlerfrei.

Dass die farblos wirkende Amy (auf dem Umweg über ihre feministische Mutter) auf Kosten anderer Figuren sehr breiten Raum erhält, hat mich nicht unbedingt begeistert. Wolitzers Mittelschicht-Figuren verkörpern Klischees, von den in die Rolle lebensuntüchtiger Väter gedrängten Karrieremännern, über die begabte Tochter chinesischer Einwanderer und ihren erfolgreichen Bnker-Ehemann bis zur Akademikerin mit tickender biologischer Uhr wird alles geboten. Das Ende der "Pause" kommt recht hastig mit der Botschaft, dass Geld beruhigt, aber nicht glücklich macht. Veränderungen der Väterrolle schienen sich vor 10 Jahren zum Glück am Horizont abzuzeichnen.

[Deirdre K · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't like it, but I couldn't give it one star. It wasn't painful to read. And I realize it's not really fair to judge a book for not being the book you wanted it to be.

Ironically, I put down The Emperor's Children last month because I was so tired of NYC characters. Little did I know this one would be even more of that world.

I enjoyed Jill's story, her struggle of making her way in a new community, and judging herself so harshly as she bonds with her daughter. Most of the others seemed like stereotypes. And in the case of these women, perhaps "nap" was the right term. One character constantly jokes about others wondering what she does all day (most of these women have only one child, who has been in school full-time for 5 years). The author appears not to know either---we see the women drop the kids off, go to breakfast with each other, and then picking the kids up again.

I wanted a book that would reflect the world I'm discovering, of families that are sacrificing income because they value home, of women attempting to create community and be creative and smart while raising their children, and to learn more about how they reenter the world of paid work once their children are in school.

This isn't that book. That's not its fault. By the look of ratings below, others enjoyed the "Great Gatsby" storyline of Amy's disillusionment. I found it unrealistic and depressing. I'm glad it was a library check-out.

[Mehrsa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. (I think I would give it 4 and a half stars.) In fact, I didn't want it to end. It felt like I was having a nice conversation with friends in the same position that I am--or I guess that I will be in about 10 years. The book is about four women in NYC that have given up careers to raise children and now their children are grown. The women are pretty realistic (except, one of the characters who seems a bit two-dimensional) and they are interesting. The book may have just been engaging to me because of my shared experience, but I think it has universal appeal. The author is great at not solving problems and highlighting the questions and problems (though that word seems like an overstatement) of staying home with children and the confusion about what to do after they are grown. The author does not answer or judge, but merely tells a story. The book is well-written and funny at times and was very easy to read. I connected with the characters in different ways, but not fully with any of them. It has raised a lot of interesting questions for me in my own life.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the idea of this book. I, like so many women, wrestle with the possibility of balance between career and family life, and Wolitzer seeks to show this struggle in all its complexity. But in the end, I don't think she really nails it. Somehow, the idea that not working outside of the home is a "nap" derails the potential of the story. The labor of child care is missing, as is the angst working women feel when they "miss things" in their children's lives.

I wish there were fewer characters -- maybe just Amy and Jill. I know that it's catchy to have a Sex and the Cityesque foursome, but it seemed like four characters (plus their mothers and Margaret Thatcher and Nadia Comaneci and....)were too many.

Still, I do think that this book would be fun to talk about with other women, and maybe that was Wolitzer's ultimate purpose.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting. Stay-home moms of 10-year olds (they were professionals then dropped off at birth of 1st child). Everyone has struggles; interesting changes of perspective from present to women of generations past. But:...spoiler alert, if you have not read it, stop now if you think you'll read it.



Are you kidding me? Everyone takes 10 years off the career path and then most go back to jobs, albeit different jobs, with hardly no problems? Out of all those women, no husbands turn them in for trophy wives, leaving them without any knowledge of how to pay bills; how they keep their houses financially afloat; etc.? Are you kidding? With a 50% divorce rate, at this point in their early 40s, someone if not more than one, should have been dumped, or dumped the hubby. Too clean an ending for my tastes.

[Nette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of the reviews so far seem to focus on the book's "issue", mothers who give up their jobs to stay at home with the kids. To me, this is simply a very well-written, almost old-fashioned novel, with excellent characterization and perfect dialog.

Unlike the once-good Jodi Picoult (who would have had one of the stay-at-home moms kill her husband and then, in a shocking twist, reveal that her husband had embezzled millions in home mortgage scams, including one that ruined her own struggling, blue collar sister!) this author doesn't beat you over the head with the theme.

Look, I'm still bitter about spending $18 on the last Picoult novel.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and recommend it for anyone who appreciates a good, absorbing read.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first started on goodreads, I gave lots of my books 5 stars, but I'm a bit of a harder grader now. The word "amazing" is what did it to me. How many books have I read that are truly "amazing"? Not many.

I really, really enjoyed The Ten-Year Nap. It was a great classic novel, full of lots of background and character development--not only of the four main women in the story, but also of their parents! I liked the way Wolitzer explored the internal battles and decision-making processes women go through when stepping out of the workforce to raise their families.

Instead of divisive bickering, Wolitzer elegantly presents different characters who have made different choices, and weaves them all together into a satisfying story.

[Claudia Putnam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book much more absorbing than The Interestings. While Wolitzer is perhaps not a gorgeous writer (and even her more beautiful sections are often interrupted by very clunky passages), she is deep, and with this book she reminds me of Eugenides. I agree with the reviewers who characterized this book as a classic novel vs. chicklit... SORT OF. It's chicklit in that the resolution is a bit easy and there's no real showdown anywhere. Still, the explication of these women's situation is well done and I think it speaks well to what my generation of women has experienced. Those of us who were highly educated (who else is reading a book like this anyway? Why do we have to worry about the demographic she chose not being representative of society at large?), who believed that we could be anything we wanted to be, but then found out that the choices weren't so great after all, existentially. "We now have the opportunity to be as unhappy as our fathers were," I've often said. If you're the kind of person who sees how great everything COULD be, you're probably not going to be happy in most careers.

In this book, four women opt out of their careers in favor of “staying home” with their children. Once the kids are back in school, they have more decisions to make about their life trajectories. Many people who have read this book view it as a “cautionary tale.” In these women’s stories, most of the husbands don’t value what the women do. It’s hard to have a conversation at a dinner party about your “work.”

But I didn’t see the book as a lesson on how things might turn out later if you give up ten years of your career in order to be home with your child. Instead I saw it as four women facing new choices now that their children are older and need them less. This type of reframe, or array of new choices, can happen in anyone’s life or career. The work I did as… a doctor, a lawyer, a mechanic, a mother… seemed important to do for a time, but now it fulfills me less, and I seem to have less to contribute in that field now. Perhaps I should look for something more stimulating, where I might be able to expand the sphere of difference I am making in the world?

But what? What will I do now? What do I WANT to do? That's the existential crisis at the core of the book.

Unfortunately, the drama of this crisis is undermined by the fact that there was never that much tension between what the women gave up and what they ended up with. In one case, the woman never liked her career much anyway. She went into law by default and didn’t find it to be much of a calling. So there’s a good chance that after 10 years, she might have been reevaluating her professional choice anyway. Another of the women tried for a dramatic career and didn’t have all the talent, perseverance, and luck that it took. She opted out in favor of adopting a kid, and basically used her kid as an excuse for everything she couldn’t handle—a career, life in the city. Another of the women was equally satisfied by working and by staying home. The fourth women wanted to be an artist, but wasn't financially successful, due to sexism, she believes. She probably should have worked at something else, but she didn’t know at what.

None of these women seems all that passionate about their kids in and of themselves (except Amy, who really did seem to enjoy hanging out with Mason when he was young enough to hang out with), or seems to have been motivated by a desire to give their children the best childhood possible. Parenthood is not a spiritual journey for these women, and instead of allowing themselves to be transformed by it, they cling to identities that were never that well formed to begin with.

The fact is, whatever you do with your life, you will probably be asking yourself some hard questions within a decade or two. At that point, circumstances—you’ve been out of the workforce too long, or, if you’ve worked, your family’s reliance on your income—may make it difficult for you to change course. So, this kind of existential cautionary tale could as well be told about breadwinners as about child-raisers.

What would be more interesting is the kind of dilemma Tillie Olson posed in some of her stories, where the child desperately needs you, and for whatever reason, you are unable to be there for her. What if your kid is suicidal, and it’s Christmas, and your company demands that you work extra hours to meet end-of-fiscal-year requirements? What if you need the money and there aren’t a lot of other jobs out there you could get if you quit or even pushed back? These are the REAL work/parenting dilemmas, where the cost of WORKING might be explored as fully as the cost of staying home.

Who says working parents are so happy? Women complain about the dullness of staying home with their kids, but since when is any workplace devoid of dullness, of repetitive tasks, of dealing with dimwits and infants? No matter how satisfying a career may be, you’ll have your moments. The husband's don't always seem satisfied by THEIR careers. "What a stupid day," says one breadwinner, a lawyer. "It's worse now, you always have to stop and explain what you mean. And you have to appease everyone. It's an onslaught."

This notion is briefly treated in the fifth character, a working mom who embarks on a risky affair. She’s obviously not made complete by her work, though she has a very stimulating, high-profile job that can be said to make a difference in the world. As the four main characters note, she's as trapped in her marriage as any of them--even though she as a career and some status in the external world, her husband earns far more than she does. If she left him, she'd be poor, and she'd probably have to find other, less-satisfying work.

Really, it depends on the marriage in the end. Karen has the strongest one and is the happiest. If you and your spouse don't share basic values, support what the other does for his or her life's work, or enjoy each other's company, it ain't gonna work, whether you pursue a career or stay home. Your children won't be served either way.

Amy's mother, a novelist, made room for her work by literally shutting the door on her children and leaving them to their own devices throughout the day. Other working parents have to do the same--walking out the door to go to work is a way of shutting the door. Maybe that's worth it if there's something you really want to do out there. But if you don't happen to feel called that way? Amy at her husband's company dinner: "It seemed to her now, looking around at this huge ballroom of corporate lawyers and their spouses, that work did not make you interesting; interesting work made you interesting."

I liked the book for moments like these. And also:

"But without a passion, said one of the other former English students in Amy's first-year class at Michigan...,eventually you were in trouble. The law didn't come with passion already embedded in it, as somehow Amy had thought it would. YOu needed to develop it and stroke it yourself. Without it, you had to pretend you felt strongly about your profession when really you didn't. But what was an English major supposed *do* after college...: go work for Beowulf?"

"Amy had observed how lawyers treated other lawyers who had recently returned from maternity leave: They didn't hide their impatience or their occasional distaste. She'd seen a jangled new mother on the phone with a pediatrician right before a meeting, whispering tightly into the receiver, '...our sitter just told me [his fever is] back up again and that he's crying a lot..." The other people in the room glanced at their watches, and someone came to the doorway in a friendly manner, then mouthed, 'Anytime you're ready.'

"Amy couldn't become like these women yet. A law firm or a corporation...didn't need you or love you.... It didn't say, *Amy, you are the one.* You were just a tiny cog, and could a cog ever feel gratified? Was a cog ever proud? You were expected to devote your entire self to your job, coming home so late in the evening that you could only get five minutes with your baby, as if he were an overscheduled CEO. If you were going to miss that much tender baby-time, shouldn't it be for a job that was extraordinary? How, she thought, could you possibly choose a corporate law firm or a company's soullessness, or even choose its bland products or components--its clients or textiles or pharmaceuticals or automobile air bags--over your baby's hopeful, open soul?"

"Women who worked were exhausted; women who didn't work were exhausted. There was no cure for the oceanic exhaustion that overwhelmed them. If you were a working mother you would always lose in some way, and if you were a full-time mother, you would lose, too. Everyone wanted something from you; you were hit up from the moment you rose from your bed. Everyone hung on you, asking for something, reminding you of what you owed them... Meanwhile, husbands crashed ahead as if they, like their sons, had wheels in their shoes. They seemed to want everything they could get their hands on."

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This character driven novel covers a year or so in the lives of four female friends in NYC (well, one has moved to the suburbs), all somewhere in mid-life, stay at home moms. The bulk of the book is about two of the women, Amy and Jill, but we also see the lives of their other two friends, Roberta and Karen, plus in between the longer chapters are little vignettes set in the past about other women - it might be a character’s mom, or some other woman mentioned in the chapter.

The book is more character driven than plot driven, but it’s about friendship, motherhood, marriage, figuring out your identity, and more. But most of all, it’s just such sharp and interesting writing, with lots of really insightful lines that had be nodding or laughing. The characters are flaws and not always so likeable, but they all just felt so real.

Back in the 90s, I read several of Meg Wolitzer’s earlier books, and then I rediscovered her in the 2010s with her biggest book, The Interestings, and then The Female Persuasion, plus her two middle grade and one YA novel. But in between, I missed her books that came out in the first decade of the 21st century, including this one which came out in 2008. Well, I’m so glad I circled back to this one, because I just loved it! And I’m shocked at its low average rating on goodreads. I don’t get it. I just really love Wolitzer’s writing so much. If you’ve never read her books, I recommend them, especially if you are a fan of writers like Curtis Sittenfeld or Catherine Newman.

[Mary Carlomagno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh the Mommy life! What is it that they do all day? Meg Wolitzer has something to say about that and it is significant, sardonic and honest. I am always delighted by her writing and her witty insights. This glimpse inside the motivations of a group a very different mom friends was so familiar and real to me, that I felt like I knew each and everyone of them. Could it be that a nap from "work" is a nap at all or is it, as she so eloquently puts, one day you wake up and there is somewhere you need to be. Mothers will love this homage to their daily lives as a substantive, important mode of work. I know, I did.

[Ilze Paegle-Mkrtčjana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Patiesībā "Bērni un lielpilsēta". Turklāt bērnu klātbūtne šajā grāmatā ir gaužām nenozīmīga, tieši tāpat kā savulaik ļoti sekundāra bija seksa klātbūtne seriālā "Sekss un lielpilsēta". Viena epizode pilnīgi kā norakstīta no vecas Robina Viljamsa filmas, bet visā visumā šīs daudzveidīgās ikdienas peripetijas ir tīri interesanti palasīt