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Finding Freedom in Constraint: Reimagining Spiritual Disciplines as a Communal Way of Life
The constraints of the spiritual life, practiced in community, are what set us free. Practicing spiritual disciplines can seem difficult, especially when we undertake them as isolated individuals. But we were never meant to practice them alone. Jared Patrick Boyd reveals how the constraints practiced in Christian community shape us into the way of Christ. He re-anchors the practices of constraint within the ascetic tradition of monasticism, religious orders, and the early church fathers. Boyd writes, "The constraints of a rule of life are what make life together, lived for one another, possible. A rule of life is not meant to be primarily personal, but communal. It's not primarily meant to guide my life. It is meant to describe our way of life together." Constraint is the practice of learning to pay deeper attention to the things in our inner world that prevent us from progressing in the school of love. Discover a deep conversation on freedom and constraint with six core practices of constraint that can form in us a greater freedom to be and become people who love as God loves. Enter into this vision with your local community (in small groups, church leadership teams, or families), and learn to make greater room to experience the love of God.
272 pages, Paperback
Published September 12, 2023
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140 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
June 4, 2024
Enjoyed this book on many levels since I met the author as an earnest seventh grader in my English class and grew to know him better as a junior in high school. I am unsurprised to see him authoring books and leading others since his talent, love for words and complex ideas, and his commitment to Jesus and close friends were evident in him as a child.
December 4, 2023
Summary: Proposes that constraints in terms of spiritual practices in the context of community, expose our inner desires, allowing them to be healed and formed by Christ.
You might do a double-take on the title of this book. Shouldn’t it read “Finding Freedom From Constraint”? There is no mistake here. It gets at the core idea (as many good titles do) that the author is proposing. As the founder of a missional monastic order, the Order of the Common Life, Boyd proposes that constraints, in the form of a rule of life of spiritual practices, is crucial in Christ’s transforming work in our lives. What he observes is that a crucial element to that transformation is communal practice. Our call to love God and one another cannot be practiced alone. We cannot love, and dies to our self-centeredness, without others. Nor can we die to pride and take on humility alone.
A crucial aspect of how constraint works to free is that spiritual constraints, like fasting, the constraint of food, lays bare our compulsions around food and what lies beneath (pain, trauma, grief) that we try to address with food. As we practice the constraint in community, we can offer these, with the support of others, to Christ for healing and transformation as we discover how deeply we our loved amid our disordered desires. The healing, ordering and purifying of desire allows us to burn more brightly, to “become all flame” for Christ.
The remainder of the book discusses six constraints that form a kind of rule of life–three that we choose and three to which we consent. The three we choose are silence and solitude, simplicity, and marriage or celibacy. In silence and solitude, we submit to the present, to simply attend to what comes, sifting and sorting our distractions, offering them to God, waiting for God, and coming to the place where we know and participate and rest in God. Simplicity is the constraint of our attention, through fasting as we pay attention to the meaning of food and eating, through clothing as we pay attention to what we wear and any attachments we have to clothing, and to our possessions and wealth. Marriage and celibacy have in common the giving away of one’s life for the sake of others. Boyd has some of the most original material on the constraint and practice of love in each state that I have seen and writes with special sensitivity to both gay and straight individuals who choose celibacy, guarding this as a choice rather than something imposed.
The three constraints to which we consent are formational healing, faults and affirmations, and discernment in community. Formational healing means allowing God access to all areas of our lives, open to God’s invitations, accepting the constraints of our stories and experiencing healing of disordered attachments that push God out of the center of our lives. “Faults and affirmations” is a communal practice in families and small groups in which we each confess our own faults and affirm others in their gifts and gracious acts. We practice discernment in community when we bring both personal decisions and those of a community to the community for their prayerful input, listening together for God’s invitation.
This is a book written for small groups and leadership communities to work through together. Each chapter concludes with practical ideas for pastors and church leaders, for small groups, and for parents. The author shares a number of ways he has practiced this in his own family with his wife and four children and vulnerably shares his own transformational journey. For those dissatisfied with the use of spiritual practices on an individual basis, Boyd offers a model of communal practice. And for those who wrestle with the tyranny of a life without constraints, Boyd offers a vision in which constraints free rather than bind.
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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
You might do a double-take on the title of this book. Shouldn’t it read “Finding Freedom From Constraint”? There is no mistake here. It gets at the core idea (as many good titles do) that the author is proposing. As the founder of a missional monastic order, the Order of the Common Life, Boyd proposes that constraints, in the form of a rule of life of spiritual practices, is crucial in Christ’s transforming work in our lives. What he observes is that a crucial element to that transformation is communal practice. Our call to love God and one another cannot be practiced alone. We cannot love, and dies to our self-centeredness, without others. Nor can we die to pride and take on humility alone.
A crucial aspect of how constraint works to free is that spiritual constraints, like fasting, the constraint of food, lays bare our compulsions around food and what lies beneath (pain, trauma, grief) that we try to address with food. As we practice the constraint in community, we can offer these, with the support of others, to Christ for healing and transformation as we discover how deeply we our loved amid our disordered desires. The healing, ordering and purifying of desire allows us to burn more brightly, to “become all flame” for Christ.
The remainder of the book discusses six constraints that form a kind of rule of life–three that we choose and three to which we consent. The three we choose are silence and solitude, simplicity, and marriage or celibacy. In silence and solitude, we submit to the present, to simply attend to what comes, sifting and sorting our distractions, offering them to God, waiting for God, and coming to the place where we know and participate and rest in God. Simplicity is the constraint of our attention, through fasting as we pay attention to the meaning of food and eating, through clothing as we pay attention to what we wear and any attachments we have to clothing, and to our possessions and wealth. Marriage and celibacy have in common the giving away of one’s life for the sake of others. Boyd has some of the most original material on the constraint and practice of love in each state that I have seen and writes with special sensitivity to both gay and straight individuals who choose celibacy, guarding this as a choice rather than something imposed.
The three constraints to which we consent are formational healing, faults and affirmations, and discernment in community. Formational healing means allowing God access to all areas of our lives, open to God’s invitations, accepting the constraints of our stories and experiencing healing of disordered attachments that push God out of the center of our lives. “Faults and affirmations” is a communal practice in families and small groups in which we each confess our own faults and affirm others in their gifts and gracious acts. We practice discernment in community when we bring both personal decisions and those of a community to the community for their prayerful input, listening together for God’s invitation.
This is a book written for small groups and leadership communities to work through together. Each chapter concludes with practical ideas for pastors and church leaders, for small groups, and for parents. The author shares a number of ways he has practiced this in his own family with his wife and four children and vulnerably shares his own transformational journey. For those dissatisfied with the use of spiritual practices on an individual basis, Boyd offers a model of communal practice. And for those who wrestle with the tyranny of a life without constraints, Boyd offers a vision in which constraints free rather than bind.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
April 26, 2024
The author’s voice is gentle and loving. I liked the stories he shared from his own life as a father. There is a tenderness and a tone that evokes a father’s desire to impart blessings to a daughter. I appreciate his use of metaphors to express spiritual concepts, viewing constraints as a furnace that allows our love to grow hotter, our participation in our creation as painters, stamps as the image of God. It was refreshing to hear a pastor talk about our desires and emotions as something we should learn to listen to, to learn from, to guide us. On the whole, the framework he uses to talk about his spiritual insights felt a little unwieldy. There were some real gems about the ways friendship and community make us more fully human, teaching us humility and love, helping us heal. I love the idea that friendship is the divine art of healing another’s wounds. Being truly listened to does offer this, and I have experienced it. But the winding path the author takes to guide people to that richness, through concepts like discernment and constraints, may lose people along the way. I like the idea of reimagining archaic practices in ways that meet modern folks where we are, but talking about constraints may be a complicated way of saying something rather simple: listening is an act of love. Learn to listen to the Spirit, to your friends, and let them listen to you too.
November 18, 2024
I listened to the audiobook version, read by the author. Recommend it! Jared's warmth and kindness help soften the otherwise rough edges that some might encounter in a book about constraint--a topic that runs counter to the native construct of "freedom" many of us carry, the idea of doing whatever we want for our own happiness. Left unchecked, this falso freedom ends up as its own kind of enslavement, or constraint. Only when we choose wise constraints do we discover that the container can help produce the fruit for which we were created. Jared draws from the ancient wisdom of monastic traditions to offer a welcome perspective on spiritual practices that have the capacity to unite us to the healing love of God, and therefore shape us into the kind of non anxious, loving people the world needs. I believe there is timely wisdom in this book for our age, full of disconnection, loneliness, division, and hurt. Jared also holds space in this book in a gracious, non-judgmental manner for readers who are wrestling with trauma, deconstruction, and and difficult theological questions.
February 29, 2024
Rule of life. Spiritual direction. Monastiscm.
In some corners of the church, these words are growing in popularity. Jared’s book paints a picture of how we can practice a rule of life—not as a means of self-actualization (which we’d rarely admit, but in our western, independent culture, the temptation is real and it soaks just about everything we do, knowingly or not), but of formation within Christian community. We aren’t mean to only practice things like silence, solitude, simplicity (the daily office, breath prayer, and a multitude of others) alone. We are meant to practice and commit to them and share them (or our experiences) with others following similar commitments. Jared provides examples about how to lean into this way of life within a church, a small group, and as parents. So much fruit here. Recommend!
In some corners of the church, these words are growing in popularity. Jared’s book paints a picture of how we can practice a rule of life—not as a means of self-actualization (which we’d rarely admit, but in our western, independent culture, the temptation is real and it soaks just about everything we do, knowingly or not), but of formation within Christian community. We aren’t mean to only practice things like silence, solitude, simplicity (the daily office, breath prayer, and a multitude of others) alone. We are meant to practice and commit to them and share them (or our experiences) with others following similar commitments. Jared provides examples about how to lean into this way of life within a church, a small group, and as parents. So much fruit here. Recommend!
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews