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Like Every Form of Love: A Memoir of Friendship and True Crime
From the Scotiabank Giller Prize finalist, a gripping exploration of class, race, friendship, sexuality, what an author owes her subject and what it means to be a good person--all wrapped up in a riveting Canadian true crime story. Padma Viswanathan was staying on a houseboat on Vancouver Island when she struck up a friendship with a warm-hearted, working-class queer man named Phillip. Their lives were so different it seemed unlikely to Padma that their relationship would last after she returned to her usual life. But, that week, Phillip told her a story from his childhood that kept them connected for more than twenty years. Phillip was the son of a severe, abusive man named Harvey, a miner, farmer and communist. After Phillip's mother left the family, Harvey advertised for a housekeeper-with-benefits. And so Del, the most glamorous and loving of stepmothers, stepped into Phillip's life. Del had hung out with Fidel Castro and Che Guevara in Mexico City before the Cuban revolution; she was also a convicted bank robber who had violated her parole and was suspected in her ex-husband's murder. Phillip had long since lost track of Del, but when Padma said she'd like to write about her and about his own young life, he eagerly agreed. Quickly, though, Padma's research uncovered hidden truths about these larger-than-real-life characters. Watching the effects on Phillip as these secrets, evasions and traumas came to light, she increasingly feared that when it came to the book or the friendship, only one of them would get out of this process alive. In this unforgettable memoir, Padma reflects on the joys and frictions of this strange journey with grace, humour and poetry, including original readings of Hans Christian Andersen fairytales and other stories that beautifully echo her characters' adventures and her own. Like Every Form of Love is that rare an irresistible literary page-turner that twists and turns, delivering powerful revelations, right to the very end.
296 pages, Hardcover
First published August 22, 2022
4 people are currently reading
645 people want to read
About the author
Padma Viswanathan
15 books70 followersPadma Viswanathan’s debut novel, The Toss of a Lemon, was published in eight countries, a bestseller in three, and a finalist for the Commonwealth (Regional) First Book Prize, the Amazon.ca First Novel Prize and the Pen Center USA Fiction Prize. Her second novel, The Ever After of Ashwin Rao, was published in Canada in spring of 2014, and shortlisted for the Scotiabank Giller Prize. It is forthcoming in the USA, India and Australia.
Viswanathan’s short fiction appears in various journals; her story “Transitory Cities” won the 2006 Boston Review Short Story Contest. Her plays include House of Sacred Cows and Disco Does Not Suck.
She publishes cultural journalism and reviews in such venues as Elle Canada, The National Post and The Rumpus Online. Her handwritten Letter-in-the-Mail for The Rumpus can be found in Best American Non-Required Reading 2012. She has also published several short translations of Brazilian fiction.
Canadian by birth and temperament, she now lives on a hilltop in Arkansas with her husband (the poet and translator Geoffrey Brock), children, parents and an ever-shifting array of animals.
Viswanathan’s short fiction appears in various journals; her story “Transitory Cities” won the 2006 Boston Review Short Story Contest. Her plays include House of Sacred Cows and Disco Does Not Suck.
She publishes cultural journalism and reviews in such venues as Elle Canada, The National Post and The Rumpus Online. Her handwritten Letter-in-the-Mail for The Rumpus can be found in Best American Non-Required Reading 2012. She has also published several short translations of Brazilian fiction.
Canadian by birth and temperament, she now lives on a hilltop in Arkansas with her husband (the poet and translator Geoffrey Brock), children, parents and an ever-shifting array of animals.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 29, 2023
Author Padma Viswanathan began a friendship with a kind-hearted, working-class queer man named Phillip while staying on a houseboat off Vancouver Island. Their lives were so completely different yet the story Phillip told her about his childhood kept them connected for more than twenty years.
His life was a fascinating story, yet while researching, Padma uncovered hidden truths which left her wondering if their friendship would survive once they were revealed.
A captivating and interesting read!
Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada for an arc of this novel in exchange for my honest review.
His life was a fascinating story, yet while researching, Padma uncovered hidden truths which left her wondering if their friendship would survive once they were revealed.
A captivating and interesting read!
Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada for an arc of this novel in exchange for my honest review.
August 21, 2023
"There are things we can’t remember but whose truth we take for granted."
Like Every Form of Love by Padma Viswanathan is an atypical, Canadian true crime memoir that could use a little less subjectivity.
Padma strikes up an unlikely friendship w/ Phillip when she is visiting Vancouver Island. As the two grow closer, Phillip shares his complicated life story, including an abusive father & a stepmother w/ a criminal past. When Padma decides to research Phillip’s family history & write a book, she & Phillip find out things that test their friendship and their understanding of the past, of one another and themselves. Padma uses a plethora of quotes throughout the book to support the story.
I usually try to stay away from critiquing memoirs so as to not judge one’s life, but I have some feelings about how this story was told.
The book succeeds when Padma shares uninterrupted, verbatim conversations; when the author is simply sharing a dialogue between herself & a subject, it can be truly captivating. There are also some nice insights on friendship, identity, & the writer/subject relationship.
However, I felt bogged down by the many quotes & asides which would interrupt an impactful passage, and then leave me questioning what I was meant to feel. This book is part memoir, biography & manifesto. In my opinion, if you’re writing about someone else’s life, it should focus on their life more than personal messages you want to push on to the reader. And while I appreciate that the author assumed a certain, high level of intelligence from her reader, the audience almost feels too specific and, ultimately the book feels inaccessible.
Overall, this book has some beautiful and arresting passages, but it felt like the author was trying to control how we interpreted the story and that caused a huge disconnect for me. What I love about reading is that each reader interprets a story in their own way. There will be lots of people who will love this book, but for me, I didn’t like that it made me feel pushed into only seeing the author’s interpretation of the events of someone else’s life.
Like Every Form of Love by Padma Viswanathan is an atypical, Canadian true crime memoir that could use a little less subjectivity.
Padma strikes up an unlikely friendship w/ Phillip when she is visiting Vancouver Island. As the two grow closer, Phillip shares his complicated life story, including an abusive father & a stepmother w/ a criminal past. When Padma decides to research Phillip’s family history & write a book, she & Phillip find out things that test their friendship and their understanding of the past, of one another and themselves. Padma uses a plethora of quotes throughout the book to support the story.
I usually try to stay away from critiquing memoirs so as to not judge one’s life, but I have some feelings about how this story was told.
The book succeeds when Padma shares uninterrupted, verbatim conversations; when the author is simply sharing a dialogue between herself & a subject, it can be truly captivating. There are also some nice insights on friendship, identity, & the writer/subject relationship.
However, I felt bogged down by the many quotes & asides which would interrupt an impactful passage, and then leave me questioning what I was meant to feel. This book is part memoir, biography & manifesto. In my opinion, if you’re writing about someone else’s life, it should focus on their life more than personal messages you want to push on to the reader. And while I appreciate that the author assumed a certain, high level of intelligence from her reader, the audience almost feels too specific and, ultimately the book feels inaccessible.
Overall, this book has some beautiful and arresting passages, but it felt like the author was trying to control how we interpreted the story and that caused a huge disconnect for me. What I love about reading is that each reader interprets a story in their own way. There will be lots of people who will love this book, but for me, I didn’t like that it made me feel pushed into only seeing the author’s interpretation of the events of someone else’s life.
October 1, 2023
I don't read much non-fiction but was interested in Like Every Form of Love because I had read and loved the author's debut novel, The Toss of a Lemon, fifteen years ago.
In 1997, author Padma Viswanathan met a queer, working class man named Phillip while staying on a decommissioned tugboat on Vancouver Island and the pair became unlikely friends. Phillip told many stories about his past drug addiction, homelessness and sexual exploits but there was one particular tale that caught the attention of Viswanathan. Phillip relayed a story about a woman named Del (aka Mary Lloyd) who his father hired as a housekeeper/bedmate after his wife had left him with three young boys. Del/Mary had supposedly hung out with Che Guevara and Fidel Castro prior to the Cuban Revolution and was in violation of her parole as a convicted bank robber who had also been under suspicion for the murder of her husband.
Viswanathan was fascinated and wrote in her journal that she had "hit pay dirt" knowing immediately that she wanted to write about Del/Mary. Viswanathan moved away, married, had children but continued to meet up with Phillip when she could and grew to care deeply about his friendship. Off and on over those 20+ years, she conducted research and interviews, discussed Del's story with Phillip and tried to work out the best way to turn it all into a book.
Like Every Form of Love is described as "a memoir of friendship and true crime". It is about Del/Mary and her criminal activities but it's more about the process of working on the book and how the friendship between the author and Phillip developed and changed over the course of two decades. Much of it is quite interesting introspection and analysis both of the role of the writer in crafting a story and of the author's friendship with Phillip who is also a subject of the book. It includes many meandering asides (which I enjoyed) with quotes and thoughts on other writers particularly Hans Christian Andersen as she draws parallels between the story of The Snow Queen and her friendship with Phillip.
Viswanathan quotes Alexander Nehamas: "...friendship is like every form of love, complicated in its own particular ways" which perfectly captures the gist of the memoir - that as much as she loved Phillip, their friendship was complicated by her project and the story she was attempting to tell. Like Every Form of Love is well-written and original (truly like nothing I've read before) - a thought-provoking look at both friendship and the process of writing a true crime story - an interesting and enjoyable read!
Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada for sending a copy of this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
In 1997, author Padma Viswanathan met a queer, working class man named Phillip while staying on a decommissioned tugboat on Vancouver Island and the pair became unlikely friends. Phillip told many stories about his past drug addiction, homelessness and sexual exploits but there was one particular tale that caught the attention of Viswanathan. Phillip relayed a story about a woman named Del (aka Mary Lloyd) who his father hired as a housekeeper/bedmate after his wife had left him with three young boys. Del/Mary had supposedly hung out with Che Guevara and Fidel Castro prior to the Cuban Revolution and was in violation of her parole as a convicted bank robber who had also been under suspicion for the murder of her husband.
Viswanathan was fascinated and wrote in her journal that she had "hit pay dirt" knowing immediately that she wanted to write about Del/Mary. Viswanathan moved away, married, had children but continued to meet up with Phillip when she could and grew to care deeply about his friendship. Off and on over those 20+ years, she conducted research and interviews, discussed Del's story with Phillip and tried to work out the best way to turn it all into a book.
Like Every Form of Love is described as "a memoir of friendship and true crime". It is about Del/Mary and her criminal activities but it's more about the process of working on the book and how the friendship between the author and Phillip developed and changed over the course of two decades. Much of it is quite interesting introspection and analysis both of the role of the writer in crafting a story and of the author's friendship with Phillip who is also a subject of the book. It includes many meandering asides (which I enjoyed) with quotes and thoughts on other writers particularly Hans Christian Andersen as she draws parallels between the story of The Snow Queen and her friendship with Phillip.
Viswanathan quotes Alexander Nehamas: "...friendship is like every form of love, complicated in its own particular ways" which perfectly captures the gist of the memoir - that as much as she loved Phillip, their friendship was complicated by her project and the story she was attempting to tell. Like Every Form of Love is well-written and original (truly like nothing I've read before) - a thought-provoking look at both friendship and the process of writing a true crime story - an interesting and enjoyable read!
Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada for sending a copy of this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
August 20, 2024
This book is attempting to be many things at once- examination of a friendship, a true crime, an analysis of fairy tales, a musing on what truth is, a memoir (of who?). It's a really ambitious book. While I do love when writers try to bend a genre or throw a bunch together, this didn't feel successful to me. I think I would have enjoyed it more without all the literary analysis and quotes from other writers. It's clear Viswanathan is a reader's writer. She knows all the references. I just didn't feel like I needed to hear about them. The way she drew on other books and essays felt a little too academic-style to me and was a little disjointed next to the very personal subject matter.
What I did enjoy were her attempts to unpack what it means to write about someone you know and have come to love. I think a lot about In Cold Blood and all the murkiness around Capote's positioning in it all and what it means for storytelling. Viswanathan is brutally honest in documenting her involvement in her stories, at times obsessively analytical in laying bare her process. It felt like we were being brought along on the process of the book being written. This was cool, but also made me feel like I wasn't sure where we were headed at times.
I relate a lot to the strange relationship she develops with Del, trying to understand someone who you can only ever catch glimpses of. The process of getting those glimpses, whether archival or by seeking other people out, creates this weird one-sided intimacy which can easily become obsessive. Viswanathan captures this well.
In all, an interesting book but a bit too disjointed and excessive for me.
What I did enjoy were her attempts to unpack what it means to write about someone you know and have come to love. I think a lot about In Cold Blood and all the murkiness around Capote's positioning in it all and what it means for storytelling. Viswanathan is brutally honest in documenting her involvement in her stories, at times obsessively analytical in laying bare her process. It felt like we were being brought along on the process of the book being written. This was cool, but also made me feel like I wasn't sure where we were headed at times.
I relate a lot to the strange relationship she develops with Del, trying to understand someone who you can only ever catch glimpses of. The process of getting those glimpses, whether archival or by seeking other people out, creates this weird one-sided intimacy which can easily become obsessive. Viswanathan captures this well.
In all, an interesting book but a bit too disjointed and excessive for me.
April 15, 2024
This is a book about an author who loves her friend and her brain doesn't understand why. She then tries to figure out why instead of seeing that sometimes that the heart has its reasons for which reason will never understand.
The author then exploits her friend for his tragic story and doesn't seem to grasp what her actions of interviewing his abusers might have on a man who has a history of being abused and manipulated by others.
Where were the author's editors in this process? Where were her guides?
The book is interesting in that she doesn't hide her naivety and judgment. Yet at the same time I was left wondering, did she ever consider the impact of opening someone else's old wounds?
The author then exploits her friend for his tragic story and doesn't seem to grasp what her actions of interviewing his abusers might have on a man who has a history of being abused and manipulated by others.
Where were the author's editors in this process? Where were her guides?
The book is interesting in that she doesn't hide her naivety and judgment. Yet at the same time I was left wondering, did she ever consider the impact of opening someone else's old wounds?
April 15, 2024
I found this book to be so tedious. I tried to finish it, but skimmed so many pages that I just stopped reading.
March 8, 2024
Short version: this book is mostly about the author's process of writing the book. The project is deeply unethical (given the subject's repeated withdrawals of consent and contact) and deeply flawed. It is the worst kind of virtue signalling.
Long version:
I truly wish I had stopped reading long before I finished the book. The only story here is the author's fascination with her self as author. She chooses the project over her friendship, consistently inserts herself into the narrative, and expects the reader to agree with her at every turn.
The book cries out with lack of confidence for good reason: lack of a central goal. I am still unsure why the book exists?! It's not true crime (there is barely any criminal detail whatsoever) and it's not a memoir. It's a description of some interesting people that fascinated the author and the ways in which she let them down.
That is, aside from the many, many quotations that are culled from the ether without context or justification. It's so odd. . . like a bizarre lit review of books the author enjoyed.
Honestly, I'm embarrassed for her, her agent, editor and publisher. No decent book has so many lines about "I was still not sure what the book was." Yeah, we know. You finished the book and it is still unclear what it is supposed to achieve.
It's the worst kind of memoir: whiny, self-indulgent, and entirely irrelevant. Waste of time.
Long version:
I truly wish I had stopped reading long before I finished the book. The only story here is the author's fascination with her self as author. She chooses the project over her friendship, consistently inserts herself into the narrative, and expects the reader to agree with her at every turn.
The book cries out with lack of confidence for good reason: lack of a central goal. I am still unsure why the book exists?! It's not true crime (there is barely any criminal detail whatsoever) and it's not a memoir. It's a description of some interesting people that fascinated the author and the ways in which she let them down.
That is, aside from the many, many quotations that are culled from the ether without context or justification. It's so odd. . . like a bizarre lit review of books the author enjoyed.
Honestly, I'm embarrassed for her, her agent, editor and publisher. No decent book has so many lines about "I was still not sure what the book was." Yeah, we know. You finished the book and it is still unclear what it is supposed to achieve.
It's the worst kind of memoir: whiny, self-indulgent, and entirely irrelevant. Waste of time.
November 19, 2023
As I noted in my comment on their review, my key thoughts were encapsulated by Justin P's review, especially this direct excerpt:
I totally agree. I was wondering why I was feeling just a bit too distant from this one and I'd also noticed the forced nature of some of the embedded quotes, theories, and sidebars.
It's an interesting story but I found the presentation of it a bit disruptive, unfortunately, since her writing is quite eloquent.
"The book succeeds when Padma shares uninterrupted, verbatim conversations; when the author is simply sharing a dialogue between herself & a subject, it can be truly captivating. There are also some nice insights on friendship, identity, & the writer/subject relationship.
However, I felt bogged down by the many quotes & asides which would interrupt an impactful passage, and then leave me questioning what I was meant to feel."
I totally agree. I was wondering why I was feeling just a bit too distant from this one and I'd also noticed the forced nature of some of the embedded quotes, theories, and sidebars.
It's an interesting story but I found the presentation of it a bit disruptive, unfortunately, since her writing is quite eloquent.
August 23, 2023
Book 128 of 2023- Like Every Form of Love” by Padma Viswanathan, narrated by the author. While on Vancouver Island the author strikes up a friendship with Phillip. They were very different but their friendship endured. This is Phillip’s story as told to Padma - covering race, friend, gender and sexuality but also his abuse, the strange family dynamic with a “step mother “ who wasn’t who she seemed, living through the AIDS crisis. An interesting story that slightly meandered but still listenable.
Due for release tomorrow - 22nd August 2023. Thanks to @talismanonpender @librofm @randomhouse for the #ARC #ALC
Due for release tomorrow - 22nd August 2023. Thanks to @talismanonpender @librofm @randomhouse for the #ARC #ALC
September 4, 2023
This was an interesting read, but sometimes hard to keep track of everyone. Padma and Philip become friends even though from remarkably different backgrounds.
Philip was raised by an abusive man, Harvey whose wife left him. He advertised for a housekeeper with benefits, and in comes Del. Quite the lady in her own right having hung out with Castro, was a bank robber and suspected of murdering her ex.
When Philip share the story of his life Padma feels she must right about it. Now begins the search for all those from his past.
I did enjoy this book although it took me a bit to get into it.
Philip was raised by an abusive man, Harvey whose wife left him. He advertised for a housekeeper with benefits, and in comes Del. Quite the lady in her own right having hung out with Castro, was a bank robber and suspected of murdering her ex.
When Philip share the story of his life Padma feels she must right about it. Now begins the search for all those from his past.
I did enjoy this book although it took me a bit to get into it.
October 30, 2024
Very artsy. Not very true crime.
The first third of the book is good and is carried by the story/plot, but the second third is bogged down by the overdetailed explanation of how everything happens, and the last third carries a lot of self- reflection.
Well written, poetic, but not at all what I thought I was getting based on the synopsis.
The first third of the book is good and is carried by the story/plot, but the second third is bogged down by the overdetailed explanation of how everything happens, and the last third carries a lot of self- reflection.
Well written, poetic, but not at all what I thought I was getting based on the synopsis.
November 10, 2023
i saw padma give a reading of this book and was utterly taken in. when i actually picked it up, it took me a minute to get into and there were parts i wasn’t sure of but i inevitably devoured it on a single train ride. she had me hooked and i am definitely gonna be thinking about this for a while
May 7, 2024
This book has many threads: memoir, family drama, discussion of the writing process and the psychic friendship. She even says that her unreliable memory is a character in the book.
I was drawn to Philip’s story yet had to wade through much more to learn of it.
I was drawn to Philip’s story yet had to wade through much more to learn of it.
August 10, 2025
One of the most beautiful books I've read. Well, I mostly listened to it, but that made it more beautiful. This is a text that magnificently transgresses genres. It is honest and searching. I look forward to reading more from this writer.
August 23, 2023
Loved this book it was a great read!
September 16, 2023
I was expecting more from the book. At times was disjointed and hard to follow.
November 19, 2023
Ok. I picked this one up at the Library on a whim. It is not something I would typically read and I don't think I'll ever spend my time reading a novel like this one again. But I finished it!
November 22, 2023
This is a memoir of someone trying really hard to write a good book, and ultimately writing an okay book.
March 31, 2024
This was sold as a story of a bankrobber and step-parent. But, instead, it is overwhelmingly filled with navel-gazing, name-dropping, and constant quotes of other books.
January 17, 2024
DNF at 13%
Listened to audiobook
Listened to audiobook
November 30, 2023
A memoir about friendship and discovering the past. Unlike any memoir I’ve ever read, where the author is not the main character of the story but telling the story of others as she relates to them.
I enjoyed the story and the connections between Edmonton and BC. However I felt like the book itself had a lot of filler, too many quotes that she tried to weave into the story felt unnecessary and like she was trying to prove herself as a writer.
I enjoyed the story and the connections between Edmonton and BC. However I felt like the book itself had a lot of filler, too many quotes that she tried to weave into the story felt unnecessary and like she was trying to prove herself as a writer.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews