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Only Human

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'When Tom Holt's on form, the world seems a much cheerier place' - SFX

'...both intimate and ambitious - not only human, but also divine' - DAILY TELEGRAPH

Something is about to go wrong. Very wrong. What do you expect if the Supreme Being decides to get away from it all for a few days, leaving his naturally inquisitive son to look after the cosmic balance of things?

A minor hiccup with a human soul and a welding machine soon leads to a violent belch, and before you know it the human condition - not to mention the lemming condition - is tumbling down the slippery slope to chaos.

A dazzling comic fantasy novel from one of Britain's sharpest, funniest writers.

Books by Tom

Walled Orchard Series
Goatsong
The Walled Orchard

J.W. Wells & Co. Series
The Portable Door
In Your Dreams
Earth, Air, Fire and Custard
You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps
The Better Mousetrap
May Contain Traces of Magic
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages

YouSpace Series
Doughnut
When It's A Jar
The Outsorcerer's Apprentice
The Good, the Bad and the Smug

Novels
Expecting Someone Taller
Who's Afraid of Beowulf
Flying Dutch
Ye Gods!
Overtime
Here Comes the Sun
Grailblazers
Faust Among Equals
Odds and Gods
Djinn Rummy
My Hero
Paint your Dragon
Open Sesame
Wish you Were Here
Alexander at World's End
Only Human
Snow White and the Seven Samurai
Olympiad
Valhalla
Nothing But Blue Skies
Falling Sideways
Little People
Song for Nero
Meadowland
Barking
Blonde Bombshell
The Management Style of the Supreme Beings
An Orc on the Wild Side

352 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1999

30 people are currently reading
1575 people want to read

About the author

Tom Holt

98 books1,172 followers
Tom Holt (Thomas Charles Louis Holt) is a British novelist.
He was born in London, the son of novelist Hazel Holt, and was educated at Westminster School, Wadham College, Oxford, and The College of Law, London.
Holt's works include mythopoeic novels which parody or take as their theme various aspects of mythology, history or literature and develop them in new and often humorous ways. He has also produced a number of "straight" historical novels writing as Thomas Holt and fantasy novels writing as K.J. Parker.

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5 stars
393 (24%)
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617 (38%)
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462 (29%)
2 stars
91 (5%)
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24 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
Profile Image for Boulder Boulderson.
1,086 reviews10 followers
June 16, 2022
Basically a re-hash of the plot of one of the two novels in the previous compendium I read - human and machine consciousnesses switching. Not particularly compelling, though reasonably entertaining I suppose it does seem to have been churned out, rather.
935 reviews2 followers
April 19, 2016
Recurring themes in Holt's books include musings on what it is to be human, and fantasy and mythology being reinterpreted in more modern contexts. This time, we learn that God Himself owns a computer manufactured by a major corporation. When He and Jesus go on a fishing trip, His younger son Kevin messes around with the computer and causes several people to switch minds with other things. And it's not just living things, but a machine in a factory and a painting are also in play. The Prime Minister has his brain swapped with that of a lemming, and a demon in the finance department of Hell unwittingly possesses a vicar. As they deal with the problems that arise from such abrupt shifts, a contingent of demons has a plan to make better-quality humans to sell to the deities of other planets. What's more, an alien has come to visit the Earth, and a tech support representative has to figure out how heavenly computers operate. It gets pretty complicated at times, but it develops its plot and themes pretty well.
Profile Image for Rae Stoltenkamp.
Author 24 books12 followers
March 18, 2019
When Terry Pratchett died I was concerned that I would not be able to find another writer of fantasy of his ilk. But it feels as though I may well have found his replacement in Holt. This is the first ever Holt I've read so I may be wrong. In order to find out I simply have to read more. I suspect I'm right though. A cracking read which matches the craziness of times perfectly.
Profile Image for Kitten.
794 reviews4 followers
December 29, 2019
The central premise is certainly irreverent and Tom Holt manages to make it a funny story; a lesser writer would have focused only on the "oh, look, God has a second son" angle. There's more to the book than mere irreverence; it is a funny, light read.
60 reviews
October 22, 2020
Another irreverent wild romp by Tom Holt. When God and his son J get away for a little fishing trip, his other lesser known son Kevin decides to have a go at Mainframe, the computer which God uses to run the world. He soon finds him self in over his head on a system designed only to be used by omnipotent users; with a unlabeled keyboard and an instruction manual that would not presume to tell such a user what to do. We follow several separate story lines of characters whose lives have suddenly changed for some unknown reason, as the souls of people, machines, animals and even a painting exchange places with each other. This continues to get stranger as the story progresses and the story lines merge. A crazy fun read.

Profile Image for Robert.
Author 2 books10 followers
December 18, 2018
I’ve been saving up a pile of Tom Holt books with the expectations of a string of riotous reads. I randomly chose this one to start. The opening scene of God and Jesus headed off for a father son fishing trip and leaving Kevin Christ to watch the place, gave me intonations of Christopher Moore’s Lamb (the best book ever written), so needless to say, I was stoked. The feeling petered our shortly after that in a series of thin literary slap stick that never really hit the note for me. It felt like the left over skits in a Monty Python marathon, the ones no one remembers.
Profile Image for Matthew Barnes.
84 reviews9 followers
July 24, 2018
Once I got used to all the characters, I really enjoyed this book. Had a few chuckles here and there and a general feel good read.
4 reviews1 follower
June 21, 2019
Really fun, silly and clever. I enjoyed the Pratchett reference toward the end.

My only issue was that lemmings don't actually do that, but once you get over that it's a brilliant book.
65 reviews
May 16, 2024
Amusing, but it's 'more of the same' Tom Holt. Using the same mould and too much like Snow White and the seven samurai
Profile Image for Riana.
143 reviews3 followers
December 6, 2016
Up in heaven the Godly Trinity is getting ready for a fishing trip – or rather the Father and Jay is, Uncle Ghost is getting ready to continue his sleeping spree. This knowledge alone would be quite disquieting to the rest of the world, but even more so would be knowing that God accidentally had a second (secret) son, Kevin Christ. And the facts get even more perturbing: teenager Kevin is left home alone to keep the fort. Well, sort of, housekeeper Martha is also there to keep things shipshape.

The little taste of freedom proves too much for this illegitimate sibling and his curiosity causes widespread havoc upon the earth. A few entrepreneurial hosts of hell don’t hesitate to seize this great business opportunity and the plot thickens.

Although a bit profane for my liking, I initially thought the story had great potential and was excited to read on. I patiently kept my head together as the story jumped around between the different scenarios to see how things will tie together. It turned out that it took quite long to do that and by the time the ends of the strings did meet it felt as if a lot of the story had already fallen apart. I was disappointed at how events turned out, because the book set off rather nicely. It’s almost as if a chef got a great recipe and splendid ingredients all set out and then mix them together all wrong and burn it on the stove. By the end of the book I wasn't always very sure what was happening anymore and the conclusion seemed really asinine and swift, as if the author decided it was time to just put away everything somewhere. It did feel like there were too many characters, but then again, that is part of the story: dozens of lives getting messed up by the heedless pressing of a few buttons.

Despite the fact that the story line didn't appeal to me much, I did enjoy some aspects of Holt’s writing. The character’s descriptions and personalities are convincing and comical without becoming tedious. In some scenes the reader gets a vivid image of what is happening without being overwhelmed with detail, like the poor lemming-possessed prime minister climbing up on his closet again and again and a confused alien witnessing it all. Further, I liked the way I could relate to the wacky things we can sometimes dream up when we are beyond bored – dreaming that you climb into someone’s ear and throw out the resident inside – except that in this case the dream becomes reality.

The novel has a very satirical angle and this could perhaps be part of the reason for its inane ending. This gives Holt’s writing an entertaining richness, despite the lack in narrative, and it is severely littered with delightful little nuggets of wisdom and amusing truths throughout. There are even some instances where I suspected the author might not be making fun of the human race, but actually trying to be motivational...

As in some of his other novels (like “When it’s a Jar”) Tom Holt enjoys subtle Dark Tower/Stephen King references. For example, the robot Leonardo’s name and manufacturer is printed on its metal hull and its serial number adds up to nineteen. Also, the way some characters take over the “controls” of the new body they are occupying and delving into the memory banks of the individual calls to mind the portal experiences told in King’s “The Drawing of the Three.”

Not a read with a great destination, but the journey has some entertaining scenery along the way.
Profile Image for Katie.
112 reviews59 followers
June 15, 2013
If a first page is what gets you hooked into a book, then this one did it hands down. It’s just a shame that it couldn’t keep up the high standard throughout the book instead of sliding on a slippery slope down to complete confusion.

The premise of Kevin Christ, God’s youngest and begotten son, messing with the world order while he and his older brother ‘Jay’ have gone on a fishing holiday is one to applaud – I do not, however, appreciate the half a dozen stories that revolve around this one plot line. There were just too many stories, and characters within these stories, to keep up with and remember. Each individual sub plot was very good on its own, but when the other stories had been told and you got back to the original one, you have completely forgotten where you left off in the first place – too many stories spoil the book as they (don’t) say.

Kevin messes with the world in the way that he presses a few buttons on a machine and souls switch place; humans get machine minds and vice versa, etc. This is a very ingenuitive idea and I loved the fact that Holt had given these machines personalities and ways of thinking in a technical sense. Machine personalities responding to real life ‘human’ situations is something that just can’t not be funny in the slightest, there’s always room for conflict and confusion.

Due to the fact that this book was based mainly around machines gaining souls per se, the majority of the book revolved around talking about companies and how companies work with regards to share holders, hiring people and call centres. This topic along with anything remotely business like is not my cup of tea at all, and I found myself glazing over these sections of writing, which seemed to be the majority of the book. If Holt had focussed mainly on the plot rather than the technicalities of the storyline then I believe this could have been a much more interesting book.

As hilarious as Tom Holt most definitely is, I just couldn’t keep up with the story and the ever changing character perspectives. I certainly had a few laugh out loud moments as this is a funny book, but that wasn’t enough to warrant me absolutely loving this book – it was okay.
Profile Image for Isabel (kittiwake).
818 reviews21 followers
December 9, 2011
In the mirror he saw a short, bald, middle-aged man with rosy cheeks and square, black-rimmed glasses; not entirely unlike what he saw in his mirror at home, except for the lack of horns and the regrettably uncloven feet. Trying to balance on these flat nan-bread-shaped things was a nightmare in itself; to someone who was used to the functional elegance of the hoof, it was like trying to do a Fred Astaire dance routine in snowshoes. The lack of horns was something else he’d have difficulty getting used to if this strange state of affairs lasted for any length of time. He’d often wondered how mortals managed without them; particularly office workers. How else did they pierce paper for filing in box files, or remove staples, or open Cellophane-wrapped packets of biscuits?

When God and his oldest son go fishing, his younger son Kevin is left in charge, but causes chaos on Earth and in Hell when he signs on to Mainframe and presses the wrong key. Down on earth, four English men and women find that they have swapped 'bodies' with a piece of industrial machinery, a medieval painting of the Madonna and child, a lemming and a Duke of Hell (albeit a demon who runs the payroll rather than torturing the damned). One of my favourite sub-plots involved the Prime Minister (now in a lemming's body) becoming leader of the lemmings by promising a brave new world in which there wold be no great leaps forward (or down) and everyone would stay where they were, while the lemming in the Prime Minister's body sat on top of a wardrobe in 10 Downing Street, periodically jumping off onto a pile of cushions and biting people.

A quick read, with convoluted sub-plots all coming together at the end, and a couple of loose ends involving Kevin's parentage and his relationship with the help desk girl from the computing company leaving room for a sequel.
Profile Image for Roxane.
142 reviews64 followers
February 3, 2009
think I can honestly say that I *liked* this book. It was a light, funny read. I wasn’t completely cracked up but I wasn’t bored either. The idea of Heaven and Hell is an ideal one for a parody, or at least a humoristic work.
In Only Human, God and his eldest son Jay go away on a fishing trip leaving things in the hand of Kevin (God’s younger son)… well, things concerning the Cosmo are supposed to be in the hands of Mainframe, God’s computer designed by KIC… until Kevin decides to push a few keys and pouf! A several century old painting takes over the body of a young attractive accountant at KIC, Britain’s Prime Minister ends up stuck in a lemming, a bored machine takes the place of the human in charge of keeping an eye on him and a Duke of Hell switches body with a vicar… interesting beginning, isn’t? But things take yet another turn as Kevin who still doesn’t know what he’s doing, tries to make things right. Result: a permanent eclipse, an overzealous robot, an alien coming in peace, a living limited company throwing doughnuts at police officers. May I quote Joshua by saying “This is wack�? because there’ truly no other word.
I think it was a nice introduction to this other’s style and I will probably pick other books from him in the future if I’m looking for an original light and entertaining read but I can’t live off humoristic fantasy. But then, that’s just me.
Profile Image for Simon Mcleish.
Author 2 books142 followers
October 3, 2012
Originally published on my blog here in November 2000.

After the rather downbeat Wish You Were Here, Tom Holt has returned to farcical humour for his next novel. It starts with a fairly standard idea in this sort of fiction, when Kevin, disregarded younger son of the Supreme Being (jealous of his successful older brother Jay), accesses his father's computer while he's out fishing. He manages to make some changes to the universe, but can't undo them - the manual is very thin, being designed for use by the omniscient and omnipotent.

What he has actually managed to do is to swap souls around - not one human to another, but non-human and human:- a machine and its operator, an accountant and a painting, a lemming and the British Prime Minister, and so on. Each finds it difficult to fit in to his/her new environment, but things turn more serious when a group of demons starts trying to exploit the situation for their own ends.

Familiar territory this may be, but it is something Holt does better than most; Only Human is consistently funny. Some of the jokes might be a bit Anglocentric for American readers, but it is a return to form.
Profile Image for Alexia.
138 reviews10 followers
July 28, 2011
The premise of God and his son J going on holiday and everything going wrong from there tickled my fantasy and I gave it a shot. Whilst it had it funny moments, overall I can't say that I particularly enjoyed reading it or that I wanted to know what happened to any of the characters. By any stretch it was no page turner. Somehow the book felt dated and often people were mentioned that I never heard of, which might have decreased the fun of this book. Either way, I doubt I would recommend this book to anyone as whilst there were some amusing moments and some interesting points on what it is to be 'human', it is left with an aftertaste that is failed to completely hit the mark on the head, at least with me.
Profile Image for Carol.
1,369 reviews
August 30, 2012
God, Tom Holt can really make me laugh. God is out and his son is in charge of the universe. Things go awfully wrong.
We have machines having minds and spirit, a lemur and a British PM changing bodies. All is a disaster, and apparently there's no way to put it back.
It's hilarious, from page one to the end. And it has a very simple solution, but all through the book, you never think of it.
It's just great.
Profile Image for Dan.
612 reviews8 followers
March 22, 2023
One of the better stand-alone fantasy burlesques Holt published in what I've decided to call his middle period, which was generally a let-down after the brilliant early days of "Ye Gods" and "Expecting Someone Taller" and the relatively recent J.W. Wells stories. I was taken with the idea of Jesus having a younger brother, Kevin Christ, who is not pleased when Dad takes Jesus on a fishing trip and leaves humanity to its own devices.
Profile Image for Cole.
95 reviews3 followers
October 9, 2012
This is definitely a fun read, and enjoyable for those who like reading about cosmic "cock-ups" (as referred to in the book.) As with most humour based literature, it lacks an intriguing story-arch, and there are far too many characters. The plot is reasonably humorous and there were times where I laughed out loud, so I definitely think it's worth a go.
472 reviews6 followers
January 7, 2013
Tom Holt is one of the few authors who can even come close to Terry Pratchett in the comic fantasy genre. While it never reaches the heights of the best Discworld books, it's still a good solid read, perhaps on a par with Good Omens, and certainly better than some weaker Pratchett books. Few laugh-out-loud moments, but plenty of chuckles.
Profile Image for David.
129 reviews
August 15, 2014
It is obvious that a lot of imagination and fun went into writing this book and I think it will delight a lot of people, however it personally didn't quite work for me. I felt that some of the individual scenes and characters were better than the whole. I also didn't find a lot of it funny although I know people who did.
Profile Image for Maura.
784 reviews27 followers
January 25, 2012
A fun read, very Pratchett-like (just like it says in the blurbs on the back. Was a good way to start off the year of reading, on the train back from DC. I'll be keeping this author in mind for those times when you just need to read a book that you're guaranteed not to be disappointed in.
Profile Image for Penny.
129 reviews16 followers
February 1, 2014
Im in two minds about this book. On one hand it was well written, and all the story lines came together in the end. However, there was a few things 7n the book that felt like the author had shoe-horned them in a little.
Profile Image for Richard Beasley.
82 reviews5 followers
October 11, 2014
Too Michael going on. Lots of potentially funny
Ny ideas, but not quite a coherent whole. Tom Holt always seems to have more potential than actual in his books this was worst case of that I've come across
Profile Image for Stephen Graham.
428 reviews2 followers
February 24, 2011
Really a hodge-podge of vignettes rather than a novel. There was a plot arc but the resolution was somewhat thrown in there. The alien strand was useless.
5 reviews
December 9, 2011
Did not enjoy this book as much as other books by Tom Holt but liked the idea.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews

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