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Here Again Now
Achike Okoro feels like his life is coming together at last. His top-floor flat in Peckham is as close to home as he can imagine and after years of hard work, he’s about to get his break as an actor. He’s even persuaded his father, Chibuike, to move in with him, grateful to offer the man who raised him as a single parent a home of his own.
Between filming trips, Achike is snatching a few days in London with Ekene, his best friend of twenty years, the person who makes him feel whole. Achike can put the terrible things that happened behind him at last; everything is going to be alright. Maybe even better.
But after a magical night, when Achike and Ekene come within a hair’s breadth of admitting their feelings for each other, a devastating event rips all three men apart. In the aftermath, it is Ekene and Chibuike who must try to rebuild. And although they have never truly understood each other, grief may bring them both the peace and happiness they’ve been searching for…
A heartbreaking and immensely uplifting novel about lovers, fathers and sons. If you love The Vanishing Half, Shuggie Bain or Moonlight then you’ll adore this this incredibly moving book that shows the power of family – both the one into which we are born and those we choose for ourselves.
Between filming trips, Achike is snatching a few days in London with Ekene, his best friend of twenty years, the person who makes him feel whole. Achike can put the terrible things that happened behind him at last; everything is going to be alright. Maybe even better.
But after a magical night, when Achike and Ekene come within a hair’s breadth of admitting their feelings for each other, a devastating event rips all three men apart. In the aftermath, it is Ekene and Chibuike who must try to rebuild. And although they have never truly understood each other, grief may bring them both the peace and happiness they’ve been searching for…
A heartbreaking and immensely uplifting novel about lovers, fathers and sons. If you love The Vanishing Half, Shuggie Bain or Moonlight then you’ll adore this this incredibly moving book that shows the power of family – both the one into which we are born and those we choose for ourselves.
304 pages, Paperback
First published March 10, 2022
48 people are currently reading
2241 people want to read
About the author
Okechukwu Nzelu
5 books70 followersOkechukwu Nzelu is a writer and teacher. He was born in Manchester in 1988, read English at Girton College, Cambridge and completed the Teach First programme. His work has been published in Agenda, PN Review, E-magazine and The Literateur and in 2013 his radio play Me and Alan was broadcast on Roundhouse Radio. His essay ‘Troubles with God’ was published in the anthology Safe: On Black British Men Reclaiming Space (Trapeze, 2019). In 2015 he was the recipient of a New Writing North Award for The Private Joys of Nnenna Maloney, which is his debut novel. In 2020 The Private Joys of Nnenna Maloney was longlisted for the Desmond Elliott Prize.
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September 29, 2023
Now shortlisted for the 2023 Polari Prize having previously been shortlisted for the 2023 RSL Encore Award and longlisted for the 2023 Jhalak Prize.
I was first alerted to this book when a tweet by a Booker Prize 2022 judge of the backs of books she was reading for the prize showed the author’s name from this book and when I saw that Derek Owusu (author of “That Reminds Me”) had commented “I honestly believe Nzelu is the future of Black British writing” I knew I had to read it (as I would consider Derek himself that future).
I was familiar with (but had not read) the author’s first novel “The Private Joys of Nnenna Maloney” but whereas that was a humorous coming of age story, this is a much more serious and almost self-consciously literary novel, albeit the author has identified that both books aim to “to shine a light on the pain of individuals within groups, to force us to look at vulnerable people, to demonstrate the interconnectedness of people, to show how much we need each other."
When I started reading the book – one of the first notes I made to myself for my review was “Jane Austen” so I was intrigued to see that the author has stated Austen as his favourite author. I was also intrigued to see that this particular book was inspired by the biblical book of Ruth.
I would then perhaps describe this as an Austen inspired, self-consciously literary and studious interior examination of race and diaspora, but more so of masculine relationships and identity, and above all of love, all with a particular focus on queer, black British-Nigerian men and on father-son relationships in a variety of forms (including step son and effectively son-in-law)
The book has effectively only three characters – with the handful of side characters being completely overshadowed by a very deliberately intrusive omniscient narration. It takes place over a few days although with characters roaming back over many more years in their reflections during those days.
Achike and Okoro were close friends from their late secondary school years (now some twenty plus years previously) in Manchester – Okoro, something of a school drop-out even being taken in by Achike’s father Chibuike when Okoro’s mother makes him unwelcome; both then moving to London to try to further their acting careers. Both at different times have had loved the other and wanted the love to be returned (and even their relationship to be formalised) and at others understood the other’s wishes but been unable to return the love, but except for one, oft referred to night in Berlin when they were almost able to reach a mutual expression of love, have always stayed at a distance (a key theme in the novel).
Whereas Okoro has curbed his dreams for a role as a high-school drama teacher; Achike (who’s one vulnerability is a lifelong series of migraines which punctuate the text) has gone from strength to strength both in his career and his charisma (for example movie star looks and musical talent), particularly after being approached by a famous agent Julian, and now is on the verge of his big break with a lead role in the eponymous “Here Again Now” a film set in New York and Nigeria where the female lead is reincarnated over multiple lives in Nigeria where she shapes that country’s destiny while also fighting police brutality in America.
Okoro has recently been made redundant from his drama job and has moved in with Achike – and at the time of the book’s setting Achike has (on a trip back from filming) moved Chibuike (now a long term alcoholic) into the flat also.
All three characters are forced to try to explore their feelings about each other and particularly the mental barriers that seem to have prevented them really expressing or acting out those feelings – and to reflect individually and together on the individual and shared pasts that have led to the erection of those barriers. This exploration and reflection becomes particularly focused for Okoro and Chibuike for who a devastating event causes them to need to explore both how they have been over many years with Achike (and how much or little they really understand of Achike’s own feelings and life) as well as trying to explore their own relationship which does not even have an accepted label such as friends, lovers or father-son (it is here that the Ruth links emerge I believe).
The most distinctive element of the book is the writing style – which is extremely internally reflective with characters either in their thoughts (or as voiced by the narrator) examining their own thoughts and behaviour. Some examples and I think how one reacts to these (thoughtful or ponderous, heartfelt or pretentious) will largely determine one’s reaction to the book.
As befits a book which both examines how masculine relations are shaped over generations and has a film about reincarnation playing a crucial part – there are many very deliberately recurring phrases.
Some of these are concepts: for example the idea of a positive uniqueness of individuals (“there is nobody in the world like this man”) and a negative uniqueness of challenges faced as seen by the protagonists caught up in the individuality of what they are trying to work out (nobody we are often told has ever done this); others are rhetorical questions – in particular “Could there be more than distance and sex between men” and the general idea of physical and emotional distance between men is hugely important; others are more complex – for example one of the passages above is later echoed in a crucial episode in Chibiuke’s own childhood when he realises his stepfather is gay (an incident which ultimately overshadows all three protagonists lives)
Similarly a medical “monster waiting in the dark ocean of his body, ready to rise up and bring about the end of his little world” is later in the book echoed (or perhaps more accurately foreshadowed) when Ekene struggles with the concept of love (in the crucial Berlin night) and we are told “Until now, Ekene never knew hos his horror of being loved was waiting underneath his skin, a monster waiting in the dark ocean of his body, ready to rise up and bring about the end of his little world”
Some of the imagery is I think particularly strong, I liked “Terrified that the avalanche of grief will crush her boy as it threatens to crush her, she reaches out a hand and tries to pull out a man. But what emerges is an older child: not grown but elongated.” and (in a book which examines religion in a mature way with characters from a Christian tradition which they struggle to relate to their own experience and beliefs but which stays as a cultural underpinning) I loved this description of the type of Carol that Achike favoured “Chibuike and Ndidi had spent long Christmas Eves listening to him sing carols whose tunes seemed rather to dread the approach of Christ than to celebrate it. Music that crawled through broken glass towards salvation.”
Overall I thought this was a memorable, moving and deeply affecting book which shows great literary promise.
My thanks to Little, Brown for an ARC via NetGalley
I was first alerted to this book when a tweet by a Booker Prize 2022 judge of the backs of books she was reading for the prize showed the author’s name from this book and when I saw that Derek Owusu (author of “That Reminds Me”) had commented “I honestly believe Nzelu is the future of Black British writing” I knew I had to read it (as I would consider Derek himself that future).
I was familiar with (but had not read) the author’s first novel “The Private Joys of Nnenna Maloney” but whereas that was a humorous coming of age story, this is a much more serious and almost self-consciously literary novel, albeit the author has identified that both books aim to “to shine a light on the pain of individuals within groups, to force us to look at vulnerable people, to demonstrate the interconnectedness of people, to show how much we need each other."
When I started reading the book – one of the first notes I made to myself for my review was “Jane Austen” so I was intrigued to see that the author has stated Austen as his favourite author. I was also intrigued to see that this particular book was inspired by the biblical book of Ruth.
I would then perhaps describe this as an Austen inspired, self-consciously literary and studious interior examination of race and diaspora, but more so of masculine relationships and identity, and above all of love, all with a particular focus on queer, black British-Nigerian men and on father-son relationships in a variety of forms (including step son and effectively son-in-law)
The book has effectively only three characters – with the handful of side characters being completely overshadowed by a very deliberately intrusive omniscient narration. It takes place over a few days although with characters roaming back over many more years in their reflections during those days.
Achike and Okoro were close friends from their late secondary school years (now some twenty plus years previously) in Manchester – Okoro, something of a school drop-out even being taken in by Achike’s father Chibuike when Okoro’s mother makes him unwelcome; both then moving to London to try to further their acting careers. Both at different times have had loved the other and wanted the love to be returned (and even their relationship to be formalised) and at others understood the other’s wishes but been unable to return the love, but except for one, oft referred to night in Berlin when they were almost able to reach a mutual expression of love, have always stayed at a distance (a key theme in the novel).
Whereas Okoro has curbed his dreams for a role as a high-school drama teacher; Achike (who’s one vulnerability is a lifelong series of migraines which punctuate the text) has gone from strength to strength both in his career and his charisma (for example movie star looks and musical talent), particularly after being approached by a famous agent Julian, and now is on the verge of his big break with a lead role in the eponymous “Here Again Now” a film set in New York and Nigeria where the female lead is reincarnated over multiple lives in Nigeria where she shapes that country’s destiny while also fighting police brutality in America.
‘I did some research for the part. The belief is that we get reincarnated into the same families over different generations. Old matriarchs become baby daughters again; great-grandfathers become sons. It’s not about karma and all that. Really, it’s about family. Staying close. Giving people second chances. I like that.’
Okoro has recently been made redundant from his drama job and has moved in with Achike – and at the time of the book’s setting Achike has (on a trip back from filming) moved Chibuike (now a long term alcoholic) into the flat also.
All three characters are forced to try to explore their feelings about each other and particularly the mental barriers that seem to have prevented them really expressing or acting out those feelings – and to reflect individually and together on the individual and shared pasts that have led to the erection of those barriers. This exploration and reflection becomes particularly focused for Okoro and Chibuike for who a devastating event causes them to need to explore both how they have been over many years with Achike (and how much or little they really understand of Achike’s own feelings and life) as well as trying to explore their own relationship which does not even have an accepted label such as friends, lovers or father-son (it is here that the Ruth links emerge I believe).
The most distinctive element of the book is the writing style – which is extremely internally reflective with characters either in their thoughts (or as voiced by the narrator) examining their own thoughts and behaviour. Some examples and I think how one reacts to these (thoughtful or ponderous, heartfelt or pretentious) will largely determine one’s reaction to the book.
Only in a corner of Achike’s mind was there any pride in himself for being a part of a project he believed in, or for bringing his father’s culture to the world; only dimly did he understand that his work on this film was a profound act of love, and that through his work he was joining a lineage of storytellers that reached back through generations, from one life to another, stretching back endlessly through time. Achike could present himself on screen as firm, bold, persistent, capable, but he was always little to himself, barely a man, only a little man. He hardly knew that he was connected to something infinite and strong.
Ekene .. knows Chibuike now. Chibuike acts gruffly, but this is the way with men. Ekene is still young – only seventeen – but he is learning. This is the way with fathers: they have tough exteriors, only because the insides of them are unbearably tender, like flesh under fingernails. Men are like this. But Ekene has never seen his father this tender. The tender parts of his father are scant, and they are bounded off and kept for women, other women, always new women. His father guards his heart’s good things watchfully with bright eyes, flaming swords. Obiajulu was never meant for children.
Does Ekene miss his father? He does not know what to say. He examines himself closely, but his feelings will not speak to him. His emotions confer amongst themselves: they are noisy and unclear. There is joy there, he knows, and relief, and a feeling of betrayal. But there are also things he does not know, and cannot read. He resents his father deeply. Ekene feels somehow suffocated by the man’s absence: he knows without knowing that he will never be able to be a child as long as his father refuses to be a man. And always there is something else. Underneath the word ‘miss’ still moves some wild, insubordinate thing that this language can never hold, some monster ready to rise up and usher in a world he cannot comprehend. There is a longing for something in the shape of a father, and for his father to take that shape. But he has never known his father to be this type of man, and therefore cannot miss him. And yet, he does.
As befits a book which both examines how masculine relations are shaped over generations and has a film about reincarnation playing a crucial part – there are many very deliberately recurring phrases.
Some of these are concepts: for example the idea of a positive uniqueness of individuals (“there is nobody in the world like this man”) and a negative uniqueness of challenges faced as seen by the protagonists caught up in the individuality of what they are trying to work out (nobody we are often told has ever done this); others are rhetorical questions – in particular “Could there be more than distance and sex between men” and the general idea of physical and emotional distance between men is hugely important; others are more complex – for example one of the passages above is later echoed in a crucial episode in Chibiuke’s own childhood when he realises his stepfather is gay (an incident which ultimately overshadows all three protagonists lives)
The language of sin arises first in his mind, but its word will not fit; the act will not submit to the word. Gay. It corresponds to what he saw but underneath the word still moves some wild, insubordinate thing that this language can never hold, some monster ready to rise up and usher in a world he cannot comprehend.
Similarly a medical “monster waiting in the dark ocean of his body, ready to rise up and bring about the end of his little world” is later in the book echoed (or perhaps more accurately foreshadowed) when Ekene struggles with the concept of love (in the crucial Berlin night) and we are told “Until now, Ekene never knew hos his horror of being loved was waiting underneath his skin, a monster waiting in the dark ocean of his body, ready to rise up and bring about the end of his little world”
Some of the imagery is I think particularly strong, I liked “Terrified that the avalanche of grief will crush her boy as it threatens to crush her, she reaches out a hand and tries to pull out a man. But what emerges is an older child: not grown but elongated.” and (in a book which examines religion in a mature way with characters from a Christian tradition which they struggle to relate to their own experience and beliefs but which stays as a cultural underpinning) I loved this description of the type of Carol that Achike favoured “Chibuike and Ndidi had spent long Christmas Eves listening to him sing carols whose tunes seemed rather to dread the approach of Christ than to celebrate it. Music that crawled through broken glass towards salvation.”
Overall I thought this was a memorable, moving and deeply affecting book which shows great literary promise.
My thanks to Little, Brown for an ARC via NetGalley
March 3, 2022
Here Again Now’s the second outing for award-winning, Manchester author Okechukwu Nzelu. Inspired by the biblical “Book of Ruth” Nzelu sets out to probe issues of faith, queerness, Black British community and family, as well as traditional Igbo beliefs in reincarnation. His story's essentially a character-based piece focused on three men, Ekene, Achike and Achike’s father Chibuike. Ekene and Achike have an intimate but undefined relationship, friends and on-and-off lovers since their teens, they are unable or unwilling to fully articulate the nature of their bond. After a bad break-up, Ekene moves into Achike’s Peckham apartment, bought from the proceeds of his burgeoning acting career, but their tentative moves towards each other are disrupted by the arrival of Chibuike, who’s a lonely, embittered alcoholic. Nzelu’s themes are appealing but I could never fully connect with his style or his handling of his material. Despite a momentous plot twist midway through the novel, this felt very flat and often overwritten. Developments that should have signalled major emotional highs and lows were oddly muted and unconvincing. I liked aspects of Nzelu’s portrayal of masculinity, and I was interested in the ways in which the characters’ ties to Nigerian culture had shaped, and continued to shape, their sense of self and their ways of dealing with the world. But, although Nzelu moves between England, Nigeria and Berlin, there’s no real impression of place here, and I was frustrated by the slow-moving plot and the stagey, dialogue-heavy exposition. A promising piece with an original premise but it never really took off for me.
Thanks to Netgalley and publisher Dialogue Books for an ARC
Rating: 2.5
Thanks to Netgalley and publisher Dialogue Books for an ARC
Rating: 2.5
May 27, 2022
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The first few pages of Here Again Now brought to mind the opening scene from my much beloved A Little Life so, naturally, I cranked up my expectations. As I kept on reading however my initial excitement over the story incrementally decreased to the point that I no longer looked forward to picking it up. This is by no means a bad novel but it certainly bore the signs of an ‘unseasoned’ writer. The prose was weighed down by repetition and overdone metaphors. Some of the dialogues struck me as odd, unconvincing, and I found that the narrative relied too much on rhetorical questions. Additionally, sections of the text consisted of a barrage of ‘what if x’ or ‘why is y’ or ‘how is xy’ questions that were really unnecessary. At one point there is a whole paragraph that just consists of these very, dare I write, basic questions that were far less effective than actually discussing the subject matter at hand (rather than circling around it).
The novel follows three characters, with very few if any secondary characters. This does lend a certain intimacy to the narration and the drama unfolding between these three characters. After his acting career takes off Achike Okoro acquires a swanky flat in Peckham. Staying with him is Ekene, his best friend of twenty years. Despite their different temperaments and careers, the two share a very close bond. Both have had less than ideal upbringings and they found solace in one another. It is hinted that the two had a ‘moment’ in Berlin and back in their twenties. Achike has proclaimed his love for Ekene but the latter seems reluctant to take their relationship down that path. While Achike is presented as this patient sort of figure, he does seem to have grown restless and feels slightly bitter about Ekene always choosing someone over him. When Chibuike, Achike’s father, who is in the process of recovering from his alcohol addiction, moves in with them, tensions rise.
There is the very long opening scene, in which we learn all of this, that takes place over the course of a day (possibly two?) and ends around the 30% mark. In between, we get some flashbacks that take us to Achike and Ekene’s early days as friends and Chibuike’s own childhood. The narrative explores the bonds between father & sons and friends & lovers as well as provides some thought-provoking conversation on masculinity, queerness, and Blackness. After a certain event, the story changes track so that in addition to these themes the narrative touches upon grief, guilt, and forgiveness.
I wanted to love this, I really did, but I found the writing to be a bit too…Ocean Vuong-esque for my liking? Eg. “Maybe fathers could explain sons?”
The first half of the novel is bogged down by this ‘will they won’t they’ storyline that seems to take priority over characterization. Because I didn’t really feel as if I knew these characters I was not particularly invested in their friendship/romance. The father/son dynamics occurring within this novel also struck me as corny. There were instances where I felt that I was reading the script for a soap opera or something. There were lines describing how beautiful the characters are, which at times went on too long or were a bit too much. But I digress. This was not a terribly written novel. At times the writing was a bit clumsy, and in other instances, lyrical passages or observations give way to purple metaphors. The three major characters were at times too fixed in their role and I'm always fond of tragic events being used as plot devices or to 'help' other characters 'grow'. There were a couple of scenes that I found well-executed but there were far too many instances where I wasn't sure where the characters were or if this scene was taking place on the same day as the previous one, etc. etc. While I would not call myself a fan of this I am grateful to the publisher for having sent me an arc and I urge prospective readers to check out more positive reviews. out
The first few pages of Here Again Now brought to mind the opening scene from my much beloved A Little Life so, naturally, I cranked up my expectations. As I kept on reading however my initial excitement over the story incrementally decreased to the point that I no longer looked forward to picking it up. This is by no means a bad novel but it certainly bore the signs of an ‘unseasoned’ writer. The prose was weighed down by repetition and overdone metaphors. Some of the dialogues struck me as odd, unconvincing, and I found that the narrative relied too much on rhetorical questions. Additionally, sections of the text consisted of a barrage of ‘what if x’ or ‘why is y’ or ‘how is xy’ questions that were really unnecessary. At one point there is a whole paragraph that just consists of these very, dare I write, basic questions that were far less effective than actually discussing the subject matter at hand (rather than circling around it).
The novel follows three characters, with very few if any secondary characters. This does lend a certain intimacy to the narration and the drama unfolding between these three characters. After his acting career takes off Achike Okoro acquires a swanky flat in Peckham. Staying with him is Ekene, his best friend of twenty years. Despite their different temperaments and careers, the two share a very close bond. Both have had less than ideal upbringings and they found solace in one another. It is hinted that the two had a ‘moment’ in Berlin and back in their twenties. Achike has proclaimed his love for Ekene but the latter seems reluctant to take their relationship down that path. While Achike is presented as this patient sort of figure, he does seem to have grown restless and feels slightly bitter about Ekene always choosing someone over him. When Chibuike, Achike’s father, who is in the process of recovering from his alcohol addiction, moves in with them, tensions rise.
There is the very long opening scene, in which we learn all of this, that takes place over the course of a day (possibly two?) and ends around the 30% mark. In between, we get some flashbacks that take us to Achike and Ekene’s early days as friends and Chibuike’s own childhood. The narrative explores the bonds between father & sons and friends & lovers as well as provides some thought-provoking conversation on masculinity, queerness, and Blackness. After a certain event, the story changes track so that in addition to these themes the narrative touches upon grief, guilt, and forgiveness.
I wanted to love this, I really did, but I found the writing to be a bit too…Ocean Vuong-esque for my liking? Eg. “Maybe fathers could explain sons?”
The first half of the novel is bogged down by this ‘will they won’t they’ storyline that seems to take priority over characterization. Because I didn’t really feel as if I knew these characters I was not particularly invested in their friendship/romance. The father/son dynamics occurring within this novel also struck me as corny. There were instances where I felt that I was reading the script for a soap opera or something. There were lines describing how beautiful the characters are, which at times went on too long or were a bit too much. But I digress. This was not a terribly written novel. At times the writing was a bit clumsy, and in other instances, lyrical passages or observations give way to purple metaphors. The three major characters were at times too fixed in their role and I'm always fond of tragic events being used as plot devices or to 'help' other characters 'grow'. There were a couple of scenes that I found well-executed but there were far too many instances where I wasn't sure where the characters were or if this scene was taking place on the same day as the previous one, etc. etc. While I would not call myself a fan of this I am grateful to the publisher for having sent me an arc and I urge prospective readers to check out more positive reviews. out
May 6, 2022
This book is amazing and beautiful and heartbreaking and I loved it and I cried twice
December 17, 2024
Nzelu captures a certain nuance of Masculinity within The Black Queer space and is represented in the lives of these three men. A father, a son and a friend.
The son and the friend harbour a deep connection that morphs, and tangles over time. Now Older, one a famous actor and another a drama teacher they come to terms with the unspoken feelings and distant fathers. Lyrical,
heart-wrenching piece that resonated on a deeper level.
The son and the friend harbour a deep connection that morphs, and tangles over time. Now Older, one a famous actor and another a drama teacher they come to terms with the unspoken feelings and distant fathers. Lyrical,
heart-wrenching piece that resonated on a deeper level.
October 26, 2022
Ok so… This book… broke my heart and tried to put it back together is the best way I can describe my reading experience! But honestly wow what a gem of a novel!
This book is about grief and regrets, but it also deeply explores the tricky way parenting we experience influences how we love as an adult, and the complex nature of son-father relationships. I liked that it deals with themes of musculinity ans LGBTQ. But at the end of the day, this book is really sad because of unspoken love between the main three characters. So much they wanted to say but could never say. My heart ached from the start to finish honestly.
Nzeln’s poignant, lyrical prose is soft but quietly powerful. The narrative and characters are so well-developed and executed. The whole thing was so effective in breaking my heart and healing it too!
There are only three characters with very limited settings (pretty much just Achike’s flat and hospital), so I can totally see this book turn into a small theatre play. It just has that sort of intimate and introspective quality. One of the easiest five stars I’ve given this year. Highly recommend it!
This book is about grief and regrets, but it also deeply explores the tricky way parenting we experience influences how we love as an adult, and the complex nature of son-father relationships. I liked that it deals with themes of musculinity ans LGBTQ. But at the end of the day, this book is really sad because of unspoken love between the main three characters. So much they wanted to say but could never say. My heart ached from the start to finish honestly.
Nzeln’s poignant, lyrical prose is soft but quietly powerful. The narrative and characters are so well-developed and executed. The whole thing was so effective in breaking my heart and healing it too!
There are only three characters with very limited settings (pretty much just Achike’s flat and hospital), so I can totally see this book turn into a small theatre play. It just has that sort of intimate and introspective quality. One of the easiest five stars I’ve given this year. Highly recommend it!
June 26, 2022
This was so good! I felt for all of these men. As imperfect as they were, I really wanted happiness for them 😩.
March 24, 2022
Wanted to love this, went back and forth on it a lot. Very internal and emotional. Felt a bit too choppy, too many strands, not quite explored deeply enough. Couldn't quite parse the main characters' motivations. It's about fathers and sons and the spaces between them, mostly, and grief. The father-son parts worked better for me than the other strand, which is about the relationship between two Black gay men who have been best friends from childhood and are in love with each other but can't quite get it together to actually be together. This I understand—so many reasons why this could be hard. But I couldn't figure out why, for these two characters, it was so hard, from the text. All the scenes between them are conversations that boil down to: we love each other, but we can't say it. I don't know, maybe it will land for others? I loved the intense internal nature of it: there are basically only three characters, which gives it this claustrophobic feel that makes sense for these characters.
Also, one of the main characters dies suddenly in the beginning of the book. This is not a spoiler. It happens very early on. The book is about the aftermath of his death, and the relationship between his best friend and his father. I'm so angry that I didn't know this going in. I suspect if I had I would have liked the book better, although in the end there were other things about it that didn't work for me. Anyway, just saying: there is a sudden death of a queer character. I don't understand why death is always considered a spoiler, when plenty of other things are not. It really irks me. It's like publishers are trying to play tricks on us but pretending books are about one thing, when they are really about something else.
Anyway, this is one of those books that almost landed but didn't quite. Really appreciated the tenderness and care and gentleness between the characters, though, and the explorations of Blackness and queerness and masculinity. Despite the death and the really tough subject matter, it didn't always feel bleak because of how deeply the characters loved each other. Still, a bit too disjointed for me.
CW: death of a queer character, child sexual abuse, homophobia, physical abuse
Also, one of the main characters dies suddenly in the beginning of the book. This is not a spoiler. It happens very early on. The book is about the aftermath of his death, and the relationship between his best friend and his father. I'm so angry that I didn't know this going in. I suspect if I had I would have liked the book better, although in the end there were other things about it that didn't work for me. Anyway, just saying: there is a sudden death of a queer character. I don't understand why death is always considered a spoiler, when plenty of other things are not. It really irks me. It's like publishers are trying to play tricks on us but pretending books are about one thing, when they are really about something else.
Anyway, this is one of those books that almost landed but didn't quite. Really appreciated the tenderness and care and gentleness between the characters, though, and the explorations of Blackness and queerness and masculinity. Despite the death and the really tough subject matter, it didn't always feel bleak because of how deeply the characters loved each other. Still, a bit too disjointed for me.
CW: death of a queer character, child sexual abuse, homophobia, physical abuse
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January 7, 2025A profoundly honest exploration of trauma, grief, parenthood, and male identity. Above all, it is a heartfelt testament to our unwavering need for someone to hold our hand through life’s challenging journey.
August 30, 2023
This novel covers themes of black personhood, masculinity, grief, trauma and sexuality. It follows three black men as they struggle with their relationships to one another, and how to show their vulnerability. This allows for an interesting account of Black Britishness from a masculine and queer perspective. Additionally, Nzelu weaves in flashbacks and internal monologues in order to inform the reader on key aspects of the story.
February 10, 2024
***2.5***
The writing style really wasn't for me. Also the pacing and the way the narrative evolved gave me a headache. And for the biggest part of the book I couldn't tell the two main characters apart because of the narrative style which could be considered kind of a big problem.
Other than that I appreciated the discussion around toxic masculinity and the ways in which men, and especially African men, have this mentality of hiding their feelings and suppressing them instead of expressing and letting themselves experience them.
I may have rated Here Again Now low but I still recommend it simply because my rating comes only from my dislike of the writing style, which is a subjective opinion. If not for that this could easily be a 3.5/4 star read!
The writing style really wasn't for me. Also the pacing and the way the narrative evolved gave me a headache. And for the biggest part of the book I couldn't tell the two main characters apart because of the narrative style which could be considered kind of a big problem.
Other than that I appreciated the discussion around toxic masculinity and the ways in which men, and especially African men, have this mentality of hiding their feelings and suppressing them instead of expressing and letting themselves experience them.
I may have rated Here Again Now low but I still recommend it simply because my rating comes only from my dislike of the writing style, which is a subjective opinion. If not for that this could easily be a 3.5/4 star read!
September 1, 2022
Thanks to NetGalley and The Publisher for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.
I have a feeling this just might be my best read of 2022! A powerful and memorable book about masculine identity and relationships. Devastating, emotional and gut-wrenching, but all in the best way possible. My words are not eloquent enough to describe the beauty and brilliance of this book.
I have a feeling this just might be my best read of 2022! A powerful and memorable book about masculine identity and relationships. Devastating, emotional and gut-wrenching, but all in the best way possible. My words are not eloquent enough to describe the beauty and brilliance of this book.
February 20, 2022
Achike is a young actor who's career just seems to take off. He is living with his friend of 20 years Eneke and recently his father, Chibuike has moved in with them. A devastating event rips all three of them apart and Eneke and Chibuike find themselves having to start over.
While this is a great story about friends, love, father's and sons, grief and trauma I could just not get on with the writing itself.
With Achike, Eneke and Chibuike being the main
and nearly only characters you feel a certain intimacy towards the characters, although I felt I could just not relate to them. At points the repetitiveness especially of names got me confused and just threw me off. I know it's a writing style but it just does not work for me. I also sometimes felt it was just not well balanced between sometimes very long odd dialogues (that overall made me think it would be better off as a play) and the very lengthy descriptions.
Lastly I want to add that I really wanted to love this and I think if the writing style works for you you absolutely will. It just did not work for me and after 30% into the book I really had to force myself to finish it.
While this is a great story about friends, love, father's and sons, grief and trauma I could just not get on with the writing itself.
With Achike, Eneke and Chibuike being the main
and nearly only characters you feel a certain intimacy towards the characters, although I felt I could just not relate to them. At points the repetitiveness especially of names got me confused and just threw me off. I know it's a writing style but it just does not work for me. I also sometimes felt it was just not well balanced between sometimes very long odd dialogues (that overall made me think it would be better off as a play) and the very lengthy descriptions.
Lastly I want to add that I really wanted to love this and I think if the writing style works for you you absolutely will. It just did not work for me and after 30% into the book I really had to force myself to finish it.
October 10, 2023
A heart rendering, emotional book about grief, love in all its forms and found family.
This was a randomly selected pick up at my local library - now this author is one od my insta buys.
This was a randomly selected pick up at my local library - now this author is one od my insta buys.
January 1, 2022
Here Again Now is a novel about love, bonds, and grief, as three men try and work out what family is for them. Achike is an actor finally breaking into the industry, just having bought a flat in Peckham, where his best friend Ekene, who he's known since they were both teenagers, has been living temporarily. Their bond is deep, but fragile and potentially changing. When Achike's father Chibuike also moves into the flat, the three men suddenly have to work out their dynamics with each other, until tragedy strikes and their bonds change yet again.
This is a bittersweet, often sad novel, that focuses a lot on grief and missed chances to show love, but it also looks a lot at different kinds of bonds between men and ways that fathers and sons express connections. The opening of the book explores Achike and Ekene's relationship, and I found it compelling and believable, especially all the little moments between them and yet the boundaries they kept up. The narrative quickly becomes heartbreaking, and then moves between the present and past, with not much happening except an exploration of two characters finding new ways to relate to each other. The prose style worked well for the content, feeling lyrical and sad, but despite the tragedy, the book also focuses on how people navigate moving on whilst grieving and coming to terms with their relationship with someone who is gone.
Tender and bittersweet, this is a book that explores bonds between men in different forms and how relationships change and develop. It is more of a character study of three men than something with a lot of plot and it doesn't bring much resolution, which won't be for everyone, but it offers a lot between its pages.
This is a bittersweet, often sad novel, that focuses a lot on grief and missed chances to show love, but it also looks a lot at different kinds of bonds between men and ways that fathers and sons express connections. The opening of the book explores Achike and Ekene's relationship, and I found it compelling and believable, especially all the little moments between them and yet the boundaries they kept up. The narrative quickly becomes heartbreaking, and then moves between the present and past, with not much happening except an exploration of two characters finding new ways to relate to each other. The prose style worked well for the content, feeling lyrical and sad, but despite the tragedy, the book also focuses on how people navigate moving on whilst grieving and coming to terms with their relationship with someone who is gone.
Tender and bittersweet, this is a book that explores bonds between men in different forms and how relationships change and develop. It is more of a character study of three men than something with a lot of plot and it doesn't bring much resolution, which won't be for everyone, but it offers a lot between its pages.
May 18, 2024
Some cheesy moments and you can see the big death from a mile away and my patience for the extremely long sections of explaining the emotional state of characters was running thin by the end. Incredible and emotional read. The oedipalised homosexuality remains proof that Freud never misses. The optimism of the end is very beautiful.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 4, 2023
beautiful beautiful beautiful
October 8, 2024
Before I was even a third of the way through this book, I knew I would give it a five. The language was a promise that had to be kept. It was so lyrical, with such beautiful expressions. It reminded me of Caleb Azumah Nelson’s style- the way the author used repetition over the course of the book, and the way he played so well with lyrical prose.
This book was about men and vulnerability, and sexuality and fatherhood. It was about what men can take from each other and what they give each other. It was an exploration of this line, which was repeated quite a few times: “can there only be distance and sex between men?” This immensely powerful question. Achike, Ekene and Chibuike’s lives are all impacted by their relationships with their fathers. It affects how they give and receive love; how they see themselves; how they communicate; what they believe masculinity means; why addictions and sufferings they expose themselves to. And it was powerful to see how one’s childhood echoes.
I loved how slow, how quiet this book was. I loved how it felt like a series of conversations- mostly between two people at a time. It felt like watching and listening. It felt like a translation of emotions- it was so introspective, and the narrator did a lot of work. The narrator here was everywhere and in everyone. It reminded me a bit of “Mrs Dalloway”, the fluidity with which the narrator went from one character to another, sometimes even minor characters, to make us understand what they were feeling. It was such a different style of telling than I was familiar with but I see that the story may not have been told well without it. I also see how this movement helped to quicken the pace a little of such a slow book. We went into flashbacks, into childhood memories, into others thoughts? Into Berlin.
In the end, this story is so brave, and I love how one small act, like shifting a blanket over human form, unfurls further acts of vulnerability- how it opens these men up to healing. Beautiful, and powerful at the very same time.
This book was about men and vulnerability, and sexuality and fatherhood. It was about what men can take from each other and what they give each other. It was an exploration of this line, which was repeated quite a few times: “can there only be distance and sex between men?” This immensely powerful question. Achike, Ekene and Chibuike’s lives are all impacted by their relationships with their fathers. It affects how they give and receive love; how they see themselves; how they communicate; what they believe masculinity means; why addictions and sufferings they expose themselves to. And it was powerful to see how one’s childhood echoes.
I loved how slow, how quiet this book was. I loved how it felt like a series of conversations- mostly between two people at a time. It felt like watching and listening. It felt like a translation of emotions- it was so introspective, and the narrator did a lot of work. The narrator here was everywhere and in everyone. It reminded me a bit of “Mrs Dalloway”, the fluidity with which the narrator went from one character to another, sometimes even minor characters, to make us understand what they were feeling. It was such a different style of telling than I was familiar with but I see that the story may not have been told well without it. I also see how this movement helped to quicken the pace a little of such a slow book. We went into flashbacks, into childhood memories, into others thoughts? Into Berlin.
In the end, this story is so brave, and I love how one small act, like shifting a blanket over human form, unfurls further acts of vulnerability- how it opens these men up to healing. Beautiful, and powerful at the very same time.
February 1, 2024
I am only giving it 3 stars, I thought the book jacket testimonials over-egged it a bit. I am glad I finished it though. The plot failed a bit, or, let's say, it paid the price for the very unexpected event that ocurred in Chapter 5. (No spoilers). Because the relationship between Ekene and Chibuike was, for me, just not plausible. I think the author kind of realised that too so he had to create alternative endings or leave things hanging a little.
I wonder if this novel is a thing of its time, in several respects, but just focusing on one: I tend to think the whole world has become a little more "forensic" or detail-orientated since the COVID-19 Pandemic. This extends to feelings in novels like this, where motives and thoughts are examined in such detail. The risk is it becomes boring.
On page 60 (no sexual or spoiler pun intended) is this line: "Their friendship was odd. Impenetrable." and this rather summed up the whole book and all the relationships between the (mainly male) characters.
I feel I have been a little negative in this review and should end by saying what I enjoyed about it! Finishing it, I suppose. I enjoyed the theme of Fathers, being one myself. And the thread that connects this novel to others I have recently been reading is the feeling of being an ex pat, or living in a country that isn't yours.
I wonder if this novel is a thing of its time, in several respects, but just focusing on one: I tend to think the whole world has become a little more "forensic" or detail-orientated since the COVID-19 Pandemic. This extends to feelings in novels like this, where motives and thoughts are examined in such detail. The risk is it becomes boring.
On page 60 (no sexual or spoiler pun intended) is this line: "Their friendship was odd. Impenetrable." and this rather summed up the whole book and all the relationships between the (mainly male) characters.
I feel I have been a little negative in this review and should end by saying what I enjoyed about it! Finishing it, I suppose. I enjoyed the theme of Fathers, being one myself. And the thread that connects this novel to others I have recently been reading is the feeling of being an ex pat, or living in a country that isn't yours.
April 8, 2025
- the synopsis of the book had this line “a spellbinding literary novel that asks, how do you move forward when the past keeps pulling you back” and that’s exactly how I felt for these characters, with each step taken forward three more were taken backwards.
Another novel that reflects on the relationship of fathers and sons but here grief is what brings their relationship on the spotlight. I found Ekene and Achike’s relationship very frustrating, especially Ekene but I could tell that was done intentionally by the author. It is heartbreaking to see how Chibuike tries to navigate life and questions himself if he was ever a good father, the event of the past keeps haunting him.
Another novel that reflects on the relationship of fathers and sons but here grief is what brings their relationship on the spotlight. I found Ekene and Achike’s relationship very frustrating, especially Ekene but I could tell that was done intentionally by the author. It is heartbreaking to see how Chibuike tries to navigate life and questions himself if he was ever a good father, the event of the past keeps haunting him.
June 2, 2025
4.5, I think. it was a bit slow at the beginning, but i really engaged with the rest. everything about this book is so tender. doomed fates and the human desire to change,,,, saying to yourself, "just one more day. One more day, and I'll do it" until it's too late. grief and fathers and sons and queerness and breaking apart. oh my lord. where do we all end up when we hover on the edge of love and hold the fear of letting go too closely
September 6, 2025
incredibly well written account of love, grief and repression, how masculinity can damage and stifle relationships and lines of flight for re-building better relationships between men. beautiful and heartbreaking in equal measure, the ending is just perfect.
some repeated 10-word phrases that recurred quite a lot and felt a bit cheap and a weird amount of typos, but otherwise loved this and hope it has the success it deserves!
some repeated 10-word phrases that recurred quite a lot and felt a bit cheap and a weird amount of typos, but otherwise loved this and hope it has the success it deserves!
December 23, 2022
A story of love and friendship between two men and their families, especially the father-son relationship. I loved the honesty and the real, flawed characters struggling to belong in two cultures and make good choices. It was a little slow for me but I appreciated his sensitive handling of fragile material and emotions. An intimate fly-on-the-wall experience rather than a plot-driven story.
February 27, 2024
This book is so special, beautifully written, and honest. A tale of manhood, fatherhood, and personhood, through the lens of 3 Nigerian men who had spent their lives struggling to know themselves. A story of love, and how it really doesn’t come easy when you have lost so much. Thank you Okechukwu Nzelu
March 20, 2025
Really beautiful story of queer love and loss but it was somewhat predictable in places and took a while to come to an end. I was eager to pick it back up to keep reading but it didn’t make me cry so it can’t get 5 stars.
June 4, 2022
Truly a remarkable book. Highly Recommend !
June 2, 2023
this author makes you feel everything a storyteller should make you feel. i’m in awe
February 19, 2024
A great book highlighting the complexities of father- son relationships. Emotions are clearly put into words. I love it.
March 15, 2025
Depressing and uplifting simultaneously. Surprisingly enjoyable.
October 25, 2023
This broke me... I don't know what to say right now.
I do recommend it tho ✨
I do recommend it tho ✨
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