✰ 3 stars ✰
“I hated that something that brought me so much turmoil brightened his star. I felt like the biggest asshole in the world for dreading every night.
I shouldn’t have to wilt while he bloomed, but I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”
So, here goes - my foray into the Black Diamond Spa verse - kicking off with Volatile, since it is a continuation of J.R. Gray's previous series. And yes, it is slightly more understandable if you are familiar with the characters from it, since there are several allusions to their respective storylines.
“Is that all this is? A stunt?” I didn’t know if that would be better or what it meant I was feeling. “Are you torturing me for a stunt?”
“No, it’s a benefit.” He wasn’t giving me a fucking inch.
“Of what? A thing you’re going through?”
“An expression of my moods. I like to dress up. I like the high I get from it...” he trailed off, getting a faraway look in his eyes. “Torture? Why would it be torture?”
Fuck. Did he not know?”
It is a inviting premise - two best friends-bandmates, Aspen and Royal, who met under unlikely circumstances in their teen years, finally start to dance around this unexpected discovery that there is an innate attraction to one another when one of them starts to dress differently, in order for them to express themselves more openly. I did not fault Aspen for being more vocal and expressive in his style of clothing that allowed him to embrace a part of himself that he didn't want to shield anymore. I FELT the frustration and hurt that resulted in Royal blatantly ignoring him and ghosting him, simply because he was irritated by these thoughts of attraction he was feeling for his best friend - having been straight for so long. 🥺🥺
“We stayed there, locked in the embrace. I’d grabbed his forearm at some point and hadn’t realized. He didn’t move to break apart, and neither did I.
“Please,” I whispered, not sure what I requested.
“I can’t.” The anger was gone, leaving behind sorrow.
The raw realness of his words etched themselves into my heart. He would never be what I needed, and I didn’t think I could forget this.
How could the one who’d protected me for so long be the one I couldn’t have? But maybe that’s how life worked.
It couldn’t be him. He’d never accept it.
“I know.”
What bothered is that I was expecting this to be a story set more at Black Diamond Spa - sadly, nearly 50% of the story revolved around the storyline from JRG's previous series - the ramifications of their actions - the ups and downs of their fame - and how Aspen and Royal's current rage with each other was negatively effecting their star status. 🤦 So, by the time they actually end up at the spa - a place to relax and unwind and sort out their pent up emotions and feelings - within a day or two of being there - their problem is solved! With a snap of a finger and a thrust of a hip, the deed is done and all is well - without protection, mind you! Like, he was geared to know exactly what to do - so perfectly! 😒😒
“Let me make it more clear. The issue was I wanted to fuck him and was avoiding him. So the fuck solved the issue, and unless he breaks up with me, we should be good on that front.”
That just --- it just ruined the tempo for me - I liked the angst that was resonating between the two of them - I felt how Royal was denying his feelings, refusing to comprehend what was the cause behind the rage - while Aspen accepted that it was never going to work between the two of them, no matter how hard he pushed him and because he knew about his own personal issues that haunted him. 😟
But, right after all the open taunts of flirtation with Aspen's suggestive choice of clothing and all the flagrant teases of coaxing out more, Royal just suddenly figures out what was making him act out the way that he was - submit to his attraction to his best friend, and they're a couple. As he has so vehemently expressed, that he doesn't have to explain his reasoning to anyone, but a little tact and consideration to accepting that you've been in love with your best friend for so long could have been warranted. 😮💨😮💨
“Having an issue with myself and struggling with how I feel doesn’t mean I hated anyone. I don’t care who you’re dating. When you put it in my face, it made me uncomfortable with
myself, not with you. I didn’t understand it then, and I was a dick. I’m sorry for that.”
This felt more as a continuation of the series, rather than an actual representation of the Black Diamond Spa. I mean, 50% of the story had already taken place, before the couple had to be sent there to sort out their anger management issues. Not that I didn't mind seeing familiar faces again - but, I would have wanted more of the spa, rather than the quick few entertaining and kinky times they shared at the spa. It was just a very quick acceptance for an unapologetic Royal, who I get doesn't need to justify his feelings to anyone, but it made me, personally not appreciate their insta-love, all that much.
I DID see some improvement in how J.R. Gray writes, meaning that his ability to capture the intensity of the scene or convey the character's emotions was slightly clearer. While, there was still some some slight confusion in recalling who was speaking when, since the conversation was very back-and-forth, it captured the feelings and expressions a little bit better. Sadly, I did catch a couple of times, where there were errors in the narration - ie, it's actually Aspen's POV, but it suddenly shifts to Royal's, so as a stickler to these little things - some slight editing would help improve it.
“Are you serious? You and Aspen?”
“I am.” I held my breath, half expecting her to throw the spoon at me. She shuffled past, going to the dining room.
“What the fuck?” I muttered as I followed to find her hugging Aspen.
“You’re finally my son,” Ma said as she squeezed him.
Aspen met my eyes and shrugged but hugged her back. “I’ve always been your son.”
There were still some precious moments that I enjoyed that are worth mentioning. Once they got together, they were ridiculously sweet with each other - I'm glad that Aspen didn't immediately accept that Royal could easily embrace his change of heart. That he didn't hesitate to voice his apprehensiveness about it - that Royal was determined to show that it was only him that made him feel this way. I enjoyed their adventurous and explosive possessive nature to their romance - that they were so keep on trying out new kinks and flaunt their sexual appeal to show how comfortable they were as they are. 😏😏
I loved the chaos and unity and all-together wholesome vibe of family that the band shared. Aspen and Kingsley had a very deep-rooted bond as brothers and I loved seeing how protective he was of his older brother - how he didn't so readily accept Royal's quick 180, till he saw for sure how committed he was and wasn't at all the way he was portraying himself. The New Year's moment at Royal's Ma's house was really very endearing, and you could really feel this sense of camaraderie and love that they had built for themselves. 💜💜💜
At the end of it all, it was nice to return to JRG's world - if not, for the dismissive way in which Royal admitted he was at fault and the quick jump into the sack, I might have appreciated this a little bit more. And, it does make me slightly wary - if not mentally prepared - of what to expect for the future books in this series. 🤷