What We Owe to Ourselves: a 500-mile hike on the Colorado Trail

by Nicole Antoinette

What happens when you don't want the same things that everyone around you seems to want? How lonely is a life lived off the traditional path?

In August 2021, after years of grieving a divorce, living in a tiny van, and grappling with pandemic isolation, former hiker Nicole Antoinette set out to walk all 491 miles of the Colorado Trail.

It had been more than two years since her last long-distance hike at that point, and she had no idea if she could still do it. Was it unrealistic to think that she could spend months of each year out in the wilderness? At 36-years-old shouldn't she be focusing on other goals? A career, for instance, or buying a house and putting down roots?

What We Owe to Ourselves is a thoughtful and fun adventure memoir, exploring what happens when you decide to turn away from all the "shoulds" and take the risk of defining success for yourself instead.

Genres: Memoir, Adventure, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published September 5, 2023

About the author

Nicole Antoinette is a former indoor kid who never imagined she'd wind up spending months of each year pooping in the woods. You can learn more about her books and other work at backpackingbooks.com, and follow her hikes on Instagram at @nic.antoinette

Reviews

[Ginny · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I am here, and all I can do is take the next step and then the next step and the next, and be open to whatever happens, trusting that I will handle it all as it comes.”

I am not a long distance (or any other kind of) hiker, but I know truth when I read it. It’s an overused word to say that something is inspirational but there is no other word for this book. Take the what (hiking) and the where (the Colorado Trail) of it away, and see the truth about life that Nicole simply lays before the reader. This book is a celebration of the good kind of hard, the kind where sweat, soreness, and pain are interrupted by beauty and love. Arranged in a day-by-day format, the book swept me away and I couldn’t put it down.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Nicole and this book and now want adventures!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always enjoy Nicole’s writing, and this is no exception. I appreciate the adventure part of the stories and how honest she is out the tough parts.

[Elly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nicole isn’t on Instagram anymore, so there aren’t any more mini trail posts, but this book is very much their vibe. I didn’t empathetically eat tortilla chips this book, but I did cry when she reached the end. I wasn’t expecting to, but there you go, I thought it was great :)

Second read through: looked up funnel cake. It was NOT what I was expecting. I also wish there had been photos of some of the views. In the mini trail posts on ig they really flavoured the posts, and I missed them this run through. I was glad for the photo at the back, though!

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down and all I wanted afterwards was to read even more stories from Nicole’s hiking adventures.

I’m not an ‘outdoorsy’ person - I live in the middle of a city and rarely venture out to the countryside - so I was a little unsure at first if I’d be able to connect with the world of Nicole’s story. Oh was I wrong.

This book left me both curious about hiking in nature for the first time in my life and also feeling even more connected to the universal human experience of doing hard things, showing up for ourselves, and choosing the right path for us even if it’s not the same as everyone else’s.

I love the format of this book - a day by day account of Nicole’s hike - and I just felt so inspired by the life she has chosen for herself and the loved ones she shared part of this adventure with too. Sweet moments with her partner Gent in the second half of this book were especially beautiful to read.

I couldn’t recommend What We Owe To Ourselves more and it reminded me why I’ve loved Nicole’s writing for so many years now.

[Cindy Dyson Eitelman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short but very engaging hiking adventure. The first part is painfully scary because she's experiencing nausea to the point where she can't hardly force down food. She's an experienced hiker and has packed what seems to be sensible, nutritious meals, but then she can't hardly stand to eat them. I began to wonder if she was going to DNF because of weakness...

But she forges on through ups and downs; aches and pains; cold nights (wrong sleeping bag); losses (hiking companions); a frozen water filter (maybe, but not to risk giardia?); and overambitious goals. And we're with her, every step of the way.

It's not all pain and suffering--not a bit. It's exciting and challenging and confidence-building. And she has some amazingly deep insights along the way. I'd share some cool quotes but I don't want to steal her thunder. Or quote out of context.

Read it!

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! It was kind of deep.

I loved the adventure, the descriptions of the scenery, the gear, the other hikers, the food and the grueling parts.

But I was mostly pleasantly surprised with the emotional depth and self awareness that was included in this story. The elation and the despair. The self doubt, anxiety, and insecurity mixed with the confidence and empowerment. It’s not often that a hiking book really speaks to me like this but this one really hit home.

Thank you for this wonderful book and for the honesty and emotional vulnerability. It was courageous and fantastic to have someone articulate so well the many thoughts and emotions that I also experience.

Fantastic book, Nicole. What a gift!

[Brianna Beswick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started following Nicole several years ago when she was on Instagram and I was doing long hikes myself. These days I have cancer and zero energy, and books like these help me relive past me and view my current life as another sort of adventure-- maybe mostly type III but still not all bad. I always appreciate her internal monologues of how to talk to yourself when you are doing hard things.. this time, "eating while nauseous" was particularly relevant for me. Point being, book is a quick and positive read that is applicable far outside hiking. I read it in two sittings and cried at the end <3

[Caroline Danks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hiking (or ‘walking’ as we call it here in the UK) is the simple act of putting one foot in front of another.

I adored the pure simplicity of Nicole’s daily routines and was amazed at how compelled I was and how entranced I was by her journey (eat, hike, poop, drink, repeat).

Whilst walking is simple enough. It’s the mental and emotional complexity brought about by the removal of all the daily clutter of life (and the addition of a tough physical challenge) which makes the story. When we strip away all the extras, we’re left with nothing but ourselves, which ultimately, is all we really have.

What an amazing life Nicole has chosen. I’m inspired.

[Lynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole Antoinette tells the story of her hike on the Colorado Trail. This book was different than other memoirs I've read in that it didn't detail the hike itself, but rather her internal dialogue throughout. I found it a bit like reading someone's diary and many (not just hikers) will relate. The constant ups-and-downs, minute-to-minute. It's often said that whatever you're feeling at the time won't last - if you feel lousy, you will soon feel good and vice-versa - each moment brings change. While this book might not appeal to some, it really resonated with me. The author is genuine and makes every step she takes feel personal and real.

[Yoda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely memoir reminiscent of "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed. The inspiration to start hiking comes after a lot of big life changes which aren't fully opened up in the book - the book itself focusses on the hike itself which was a wild adventure! It made me want to hike and also never hike... I loved how honest the author is about all the ups and downs in this book. One moment, she's loving every minute of life, the next she is curled up in the fetal position wanting to quit. The book screams REAL. It's an easy read with a beautiful ending.

[Sonbol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful Book

I’ve always loved the way Nicole writes and this book is another example of her beautiful writing. I love the way she takes us along on her hiking adventure, with all the highs and lows and all the in-between moments. Even though I knew the story of her Colorado Trail hike, it was thrilling to read the whole story in one sitting and I had tears in my eyes at the end. Absolutely a joy to read and highly recommend it.

[Ken Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honesty

The author's honesty in questioning their reactions and inner conflicts is commendable. Their use of self-talk to find strength and understanding is inspiring. The willingness to pursue their own wants and needs, while also being there for others, demonstrates a healthy balance. Overall, the text conveys a thoughtful and self-aware approach to personal growth and relationships.

[Melissa Frederick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Great Read

I’m currently section hiking the CT and was looking for a thru hike account that I could relate to. This book did not disappoint! I really appreciated how honest Tink was about both the emotional and physical aspects of the trail. It was nice to get it from a woman’s perspective. I also enjoyed Tink’s descriptions of the trail itself. Colorado Trail hike accounts are few and far between and I’m really glad that I stumbled upon this one.

[Shirley Pollock · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. Nicole describes her journey, her thoughts and feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly. While this is Nicole’s memoir of her journey along the Colorado trail, her journey shows us how we can do hard things no matter what our brain tells us. Nicole shares all, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I highly recommend this book. If you loved Wild, you’ll love this too.

[Martha Oconnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this memoir of a 400+ mile hike. based on the description, i thought there was going to be much more delving into interior questions about life choices / time / etc but it was really straight memoir of the day by day of the hike. different than expected but still interesting and inspiring. appreciated thr blunt honesty and rawness

[Bee Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short, fast paced. My overriding feeling was that something was unsaid, and that the deeper reflections were left unwritten. Anxiety was mentioned - yet this hike didn’t seem to be a breakthrough on that. A lot of focus on food each day, and illness risk at beginning - yet neither were really resolved.

[Art Nicklaus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok read

I’ve read a ton of accounts of long distance, through hiking. This was definitely one of them! I think I enjoyed her first book more, but it was so long ago that I read it, I’m not really sure.

[Alice JCrowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

GOOD JOB NICOLE

I really enjoyed your book. I have wanted to do the whole AT all my life.
It didn’t happen for me, but maybe in my next life.

[Crisanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun and honest

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another unforgettable, un-put-downable read from Nicole Antoinette. So many lessons in life and loving ourselves and letting others love us.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exciting and introspective read, with humor, gratitude, beautiful examples of self-kindness, and so much heart!

[McKenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I read her other book right before this and I am so inspired! I love this author’s style of writing and being able to read all about her journey in thru hiking!

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love books about thru hiking, but this was even well-written! A rarity and a gem

[Lindsey Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful quick lil read that transported me back to the CDT !!!

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book!! If you enjoy backpacking and understand it's not always fun, then you'll love this book.

[Derek · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really just need to get out backpacking for a week.

[Melissa Bilodeau · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sweet journey with a woman who starts a 400mile hike with her partner and friend, and has to finish it alone. Standing by her side the whole time.

[Taylor Douthit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short little thru hike book from Nicole Antoinette on the Colorado Trail. Well written and enjoyable.

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great quick read. I wanted something to remind me of why I love hiking and why we get outside. The description of the Colorado mountains and trails make me want to get out there and explore.