Changing Paths

by Yvonne Aburrow, Mark Townsend (Foreword)

Are you leaving a religion, entering Paganism, leaving Paganism, changing traditions within it, or leaving religion altogether? Changing Paths is a companion for the journey.

How do you explain your new path to friends, family, former co-religionists, and yourself? How do you extricate yourself from your previous tradition and its associated ideas? How do you unpack your complex feelings about your path and why you are changing direction?

Individuals have many reasons for leaving a faith, including being in conflict with bad theology, bristling against a high-control religion, and disagreeing with conservative positions on gender, sexuality, and the body. Changing Paths offers resources for examining religious attitudes to gender, sexuality, other religions, and whether your religion supports you effectively through life’s ups and downs.

There are various routes into Paganism and Changing Paths offers resources on how to decide which tradition is right for you, how you know you’re a member of a group, and reasons for joining a group—or not. Exercises, journal prompts, and reflections explore how to deal with unexamined baggage from your previous tradition, the role of leaders, and how to find a beloved community.

You aren’t alone in your journey. A range of contributors who have trod this same path—from a former Christian who is now a Wiccan to a former Pagan who now avoids labels—also share their experience and wisdom.

"Hearing the deepest longings of our lives can be especially tough when trying to find our spiritual home, but thankfully Yvonne Aburrow’s excellent new book Changing Paths is here to help us. In this book, Yvonne invites us to a position of spiritual adulthood where our personal choices and preferences are honored as an expression of who we are and aspire to be."

—Steve Dee, Blog of Baphomet

"Changing Paths fills an important need in the Pagan community: a guidebook for how, when, and why to change your path, whether that’s within or outside Paganism. Compassionate and personal, this guide offers helpful journaling prompts and meditations for the reader to find the path that is right for them based on where they are in their own spiritual journey.”

—Enfys J. Book, author of Sagittarius Witch and Queer Qabala

301 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 11, 2023

About the author

Yvonne Aburrow has been a Pagan since 1985 and a Wiccan since 1991. They have an MA in Contemporary Religions and Spiritualities from Bath Spa University (UK), and live in Cambridge, Ontario, Canada. They have written four books on the mythology and folklore of trees, birds, and animals, and two anthologies of poetry. They have written three books on inclusive Wicca and the inner work: "All acts of love and pleasure: inclsuive Wicca", "Dark Mirror: the inner work of witchcraft (2nd edition)" and "The Night Journey: witchcraft as transformation (2nd edition)". Their latest book is "Changing Paths", a guide for people changing or leaving religions. They blog at Dowsing for Divinity.

Reviews

[Ekmef · Rating 3 out of 5]

The good things
- it is useful to reflect on which category your predilection to religion and ritual falls in. Knowing this framework also helps with looking for a new path that suits you. The strongest parts imho were the parts that critically assessed various aspects of faith, from conversion, to ethics, to group dynamics.
- it was nice to be prompted to think about current beliefs ( how often do you ask yourself that question? I didn't ) and wants.
- I liked the bits about being allowed to sit in the crossroads
- helpful things about what to look for in groups and red flags. A lot of them weren't mindblowing but there were a few I didn't know about.

Things that bothered me:
- the author clearly has no idea how religious trauma and recovery from religious trauma works. Religious trauma isn't just about experiencing major traumatic events, but also about the way religion can fuck up your brain. The overview provided in the book missed this entirely. Additionally, telling people multiple times to just go to a therapist doesn't work*. Repeating stigmatizing stereotypes ('people with trauma tend to overshare') also doesn't help.
- the book could have benefited from better editing. Lots of points are made multiple times in different words. There was use of outdated LGBTQ+ vocab.

Would I recommend it: it is an interesting read if you've read Leaving the Fold or have a good understanding of religious trauma. It is nice to read a book geared towards the pagan experience, and with a solid basis you can just pick the bits you need.
I wouldn't recommend this as a first text, then you'll still be trying to make yourself good enough to join a group ten years from now.

*I can talk about this at length -
1) there are hardly any therapists out there who understand religious trauma
2) I firmly believe that outsourcing everything to therapists isn't the answer. This does not mean that you should trauma dump on everyone. Rather, having healthy interactions in a healthy group can also contribute to healing in itself without addressing the trauma. And many things, such as inner child work, can be done without a therapist. Modern therapy has its roots in theosophism - yes, the same theosophy that is also the root of witchcraft. I honestly believe that a tarot deck and the right guidebook were more helpful than all the therapists I've had. Access to a therapist who understands all your intersections is a privilege.

Update
Re Yvonne Aburrow's question - it wouldnt let me reply in the comments
Hi Yvonne, sorry that it took me so long to reply but I was looking in the wrong chapter 😂. Of course, this reflects my personal opinion, it s probably a good idea to ask more queer people for their opinions.

Chapter 3
(...) Gender that is associated with their biology -> Gender assigned at birth

Chapter 4
Gender reassignment surgery, transgender surgery etc -> gender affirming surgery
This section also focused a lot on the medical model of transition.

Gender variant -> ?
The judge is still out there but consider this page https://genderkit.org.uk/word/gender-...
It's very personal but 'gender variant' made me feel othered (being cis is also a variant?). Maybe it's best to just stick to the quiltbag+ acronym, that's most clear I guess...

[Hana the Suburban Witch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was offered an advanced copy of “Changing Paths” by Yvonne Aburrow and I am so very glad that I had the opportunity to read it. Changing Paths is a down to earth and extremely practical book on the complexities and intricacies of switching belief systems.

Yvonne’s words will leave you feeling deeply seen, especially if changing religions is something you have already encountered in your life (like I have). Even if you have not yet made the switch, it will provide you with the framework and steps necessary to make those changes for your future if need be.

{Stay tuned for Yvonnes episode on the Witch Talks Podcast coming April 16 where we chatted deeply about this topic.}

What I liked:
Yvonne’s tone is gentle, understanding and to the point which makes this book a refreshing change to others that try to tackle the dense topic of personal religion. Yvonne’s words are kind and accepting of all beliefs making this a book that is truly for everyone. I especially love how they sum up the best way to know if your chosen religion is beneficial to you or not;

“If religion or spirituality makes us more disconnected from other people, less compassionate, less rational, then it is harmful. If on the other hand, it enables us to feel more love and compassion for others, and be better able to cope with the sorrowful aspects of life, then it is helpful.”

Covering topics such as religious trauma, gender and sexuality acceptance within various religions, the religious issues with patriarchy and opposite issues associated with a matriarchy and following it all up with a rich guide on joining or converting to paganism in any of it’s many forms. Changing Paths is a well-researched and easy to absorb book filled with wisdom and practical advice on what can often be a difficult and confusing topic for many people.

I truly wish I had a copy of this book during my own transition from evangelical Christianity to Witchcraft. It would have saved me a lot of frustration, confusion and ill-informed anger by providing the guidance and prompts required of a shift that big.

Here is another of my favourite quotes from Yvonne;

"People become disenchanted with a spiritual tradition or religious community when its values and beliefs and attitudes come into conflict with their own, when they perceive an internal inconsistency within those values or beliefs, or when their tradition fails them at an important juncture in life. When a religion preaches compassion and tolerance, but is intolerant and harsh towards a specific group of people, its lived values are in conflict with its professed values, and this often creates cognitive dissonance for its adherents."

Yvonne includes tools and suggestions for correcting any oppressive views from the tradition you were raised in. Including exercises, journal prompts and reflections (at the end of each chapter). I love that further reading resources are suggested throughout such as Karen Armstrong’s book, A History of God, where she discusses the different ideas of God and the issues with them throughout history.

Yvonne details how a clash of beliefs is often the cause for changing paths and all the things to consider along with that clash. How success with a belief writes a story in the power of that belief and can help us shift paths or keep us stuck.

There are valid suggestions for coming to terms with the [as the author puts it] simmering volcano of anger at Christianity which can be subbed for any form of major or minor religion.

I adore Yvonne’s approach which is down to earth, extremely practical and very gentle. This book would have benefited me greatly had it been around when I was navigating my own change in religious paths 15 years ago. In fact, it is benefiting me greatly even now.

There is no push toward any religion, in fact, simply switching from religion to a secular way of life is included within its pages.

I felt seen in a way I never have before in terms of the spiritual and religious abuse that occurred during my own childhood. Yvonne doesn’t shy away from the difficult topics, covering sexual abuse, conversion therapy and more and tackling them with grace, facts and most of all, resources for seeking help.

Some of the sentences felt like the author had pulled them from my own mind. The ideas that came through whilst still in the church and during my deconstruction that are echoed in these pages is highly refreshing to read. For example, they refer to some Liberal Religious Groups that do indeed recognize that “all scriptures have been written by humans in response to some interaction with the Divine, and therefore are subject to interpretation and debate.” A thought regarding the bible that had bugged me for years and was shut down at every turn with “Doubt your doubts, not your God.”

This sentence was particularly powerful because it speaks to the idea that actions speak louder than words and is something often forgotten when we get caught up in the thrill of a charismatic preacher - As Yvonne says, “Liberal Christian denominations and churches often affirm equality and diversity, but check to see who is at the back making the tea and coffee and doing the washing up at the end of the service.”

What I disliked:
There isn’t much at all that I didn’t like in this book, except maybe that I had to read it as a PDF because it was an advanced copy but that is nothing to do with the words themselves.

I can imagine people expecting it to be filled with hate against christianity though and whilst it does address the discrepancies and problems within Christianity, this is not a Christian bashing book, in fact it calmly, kindly and openly discusses personal views and experiences of the author along with the benefits that lie within the religion. If a reader is switching from paganism to Christianity and another is doing the opposite both would find the information needed within it’s pages but the end of the book is focused on the move towards paganism specifically.

Do I recommend it?
Yes absolutely. I give it 5 witches hats.

If you’ve read my other reviews, I rarely give a 5 witches hat rating because not all books are for all people, but this is one that I truly think could benefit people EVEN if they’re not planning on changing paths. This is because the exercises within the book are so useful for assessing and confirming your current spiritual practice, to ensure that it holds up under scrutiny.

Reading this book may make others more aware of religious trauma and the sneaky ways it can show up for ourselves and for others, and some of the pitfalls we can come up against within any belief system so it serves as a good dose of compassion mixed with logic & rationality for everyone.

[Dodie Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very fortunate to receive an advance copy of this book to review. This book is a valuable handbook for anyone who is changing their religious or spiritual path into, within or out of a Pagan tradition. I really appreciated the journal prompts and exercises that have been designed to help guide you through these transitions with confidence and support. It is well written, thoughtful, and clear. A valuable resource to have on the bookshelf, for sure!

[Steve Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to receive a review copy of this book.

Yvonne is open from the outset that this is a deeply personal for them. Faced with their own deconstructive process as a Christian teenager they moved through Atheism before connecting deeply with the initiatory path of Gardnerian Wicca. They described this as a profound “coming home” and the book helpfully returns to Yvonne’s own process as a lens for understanding the pains, challenges and opportunities that seem central to walking such a path.

Yvonne takes us on a deep dive into the nature of religion and how the communal dimensions of shared beliefs and practices can offer us a sense of “binding and connection”. While ones religious path can be followed as a solitary, for Aburrow the richness of spirituality practiced in community offer for them the most robust means for exploring the importance of lived ethics and social engagement. At best the warmth of close knit coven, heathen hearth or Buddhist meditation group provide a counter-cultural space is which the potential burn-out of our activism can identified and held collectively.

Yvonne’s work is renowned for its emphasis on radical social justice and inclusion and Changing Paths is no different. This is a book that considers closely both the use and misuse of power. While not innately critical of any specific religious traditions, they do challenge us to consider the potential physical and psychological vulnerabilities that can be associated with adopting a child-like naivety within more exoteric forms of belief. Aburrow is clear that Pagan paths are far from exempt from expressing these shadow aspects of power and control and they offer some searching questions of us to consider so that our awareness of consent remains centralised within our ethics.

The author is clear that the direction of travel can go any number of ways; Pagans can become Christians, Hindus can become atheists and people can move between differing traditions and theological positions while under the broad umbrella of a religious label. In this book Yvonne invites us to a position of spiritual adulthood where our personal choices and preferences are honoured as an expression of who we are and aspire to be. We are encouraged to tune into our deeper self and I especially enjoyed the series of reflective questions and meditative exercises that accompany each chapter as a means of furthering and personalising the issues that each chapter raises.

Aburrow’s own journey took them not only into initiatory Wicca but also into the Unitarian denomination. Yvonne uses this experience as a doorway into issues relating to Universalism, syncretism and the dangers of cultural appropriation. In its well-intentioned liberal project in trying to honour all religious paths and emphasise the apparent commonalities between them Unitarianism (and other versions of the perennial philosophy) are in danger of creating a theological flat-land in which the unique contribution of a tradition may struggle to be valued. In contrast Aburrow explores an arguably more postmodern form of radical particularity whereby the authentic and specific voice of each tradition are allowed to exist alongside each other without premature attempts at homogenization.

Yvonne’s own wrestling with these questions has led them to committing more deeply to a Wiccan path as they felt that the archetype of the Witch provided a more integrated connection to the earth, sexuality and immanence as “the source of dreams, darkness (and) the deep well of the unconscious”. The longing for an emergent spiritual tradition that was able to own its own failings and human origins felt more in keeping with their pursuit of a magical path that would truly nurture their activism and expression of Priesthood.
My own journey of spiritual deconstruction has been far from clean or well organised. In moving from orthodox Christianity to a more Pagan form of magical practice, I was acutely aware of the disapproval of my friends and former community. To be viewed as some kind of apostate who has relinquished salvation is never going to be easy, but neither is being dishonest about who we are and need to become. While being able to listen honestly to our own needs and the shape of our personality may ultimately necessitate us taking the brave and painful steps of leaving an identity, a group and a community behind, in not doing so we risk stunting our evolution and making ourselves smaller than we truly are.

I would highly recommend Yvonne’s thoughtful and accessible guide to anyone exploring these questions for themselves or for those seeking to make sense of the difficult journeys they may have already taken. For me this book was a healing balm in helping me make further sense of the steps I needed to take. Initiation is rarely easy, but the golden goal of taking our truest and emerging form is an alchemy worth pursuing!

[Dodie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and wow. I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend this book. The overall theme is changing path to or within a pagan tradition.

The book first deals with groups that are cultist or unhealthy. There were specific questions that she recommended to ask yourself before joining. The one that resonated with was Do they distinguish between “sacred time” and “ordinary time”.

There was a chapter about blending path together, Wicca and Druidry or Judaism and Unitarian or a different combination. Though pointing out that some religions might not being open to that believing that their religion is the only one. With that say she does address that when it comes to leaving a religion totally if there is trauma you might need to deal with the issue that surrounds that. The author does spend time going into this topic and steps to take.

I was overjoyed that there was a chapter changing paths within paganism. The author explains the different pagan paths and their nuance. What aspect of paganism are you drawn to, magic, nature, the ancestors. The author also has a chapter discussing why join a group and questions you should consider before you do. At the end of each of this chapters there are journal prompts along with a meditation. The last chapter ends with personal stories from individuals who have switched or blended their spiritual practice.

[N · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars rounded up. This is a valuable book most relevant to pagan or witchy -inclined people who have changed, or are considering changing, their spiritual paths. As a pagan/witchy someone still recovering from fundamentalist Christianity, I wish sensitive, insightful, nuanced, and common sense books like this had been available decades ago!

With a clear understanding of many of the issues caused by fundamentalist religions and rigid traditions, the book does not exclusively discuss Christian-to-pagan changes, though it is certainly the most common direction of path-change discussed. This is not a disinterested guide, but includes anecdotes and examples from the author's own journey; a section at the end collects short accounts of multiple seekers. Changing Paths is valuable beyond the scope of the specific religions and paths discussed.

[Lydia Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having changed paths spiritually many times, this is a great read. I love yvonne's insight and her spiritual path. This is a great read for anyone deciding to follow a new path. Much thought was put into this, and it's on my "must read" list for new students of the craftl.