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Outwitting Deer
Discusses ways to keep gardens and shrubbery safe from deer and includes strategies to protect yourself from Lyme disease and avoid collisions with deer while driving
177 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 1999
1 person is currently reading
3 people want to read
About the author
Bill Adler Jr.
50 books73 followersBill Adler Jr. is an American writer living in Tokyo.
He's the author of Outwitting Squirrels (The Wall Street Journal: "A masterpiece"; Boing Boing: "One of the funniest books I've ever read"), Boys and Their Toys: Understanding Men by Understanding Their Relations With Gadgets, Tell Me a Fairy Tale: A Parent's Guide to Telling Mythical and Magical Stories, and No Time to Say Goodbye, a time travel novella, and other books.
He's the author of Outwitting Squirrels (The Wall Street Journal: "A masterpiece"; Boing Boing: "One of the funniest books I've ever read"), Boys and Their Toys: Understanding Men by Understanding Their Relations With Gadgets, Tell Me a Fairy Tale: A Parent's Guide to Telling Mythical and Magical Stories, and No Time to Say Goodbye, a time travel novella, and other books.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
April 15, 2009
I LOVED this book! I don't think I've laughed out loud this much while reading in at least 5 years. I'd recommend it for recreational reading, in fact! The author's obvious frustration with deer in his garden (or "very, very big squirrels," as he calls them) is absolutely hilarious! He comes just short of recommending "flame throwers or small nuclear weapons" to eradicate the problem. Among his list of 101 suggestions for outwitting deer are:
#9 Encourage your community to round up all the deer and ship them somewhere far, far away.
#24 Play Sinatra and Led Zeppelin music at a high-enough volume to scare deer away. If deer become used to any particular band, change to something new.
#26 Don't shower for a couple weeks, then hang out in your garden. Nothing will come near you, including deer.
#47 Build a five-foot-wide moat around your garden--stock it with alligators.
#77 Next time the circus comes to town, load up on tiger and elephant manure.
#80 Enclose your garden in a giant plastic bubble.
#83 Set up a big-screen television in your yard and play the scene from Bambi where Bambi's mother dies over and over again.
#91 Casually place copies of this book between plants.
Of course, mixed with his sarcastic humor are some amazing suggestions of both household and commercial products that work well in chasing away deer, so the book was not only entertaining, but USEFUL. Most products involve strong odors, as a deer's sense of smell is approximately a thousand times more sensitive than a human's (that would be why deer lick their babies so often, as well as why they run in a zig-zag pattern--to prevent leaving behind a straight scent-line for predators). Thus, cayenne pepper, Irish spring soap, strongly-scented plants such as lilac and herbs, citrus rinds, etc. always come in handy. Adler provides extensive plant lists as well, including both the plants that deer love and hate.
I was surprised how this book also tackled the issue of deer over-population. Thanks to the depletion of natural predators, and our friends the critter-huggers, they're pretty much set to take over the world in a matter of decades. Deer populations have absolutely exploded exponentially since the 70s (current levels are estimated at 15-25 million in the U.S. alone)--not to mention they are responsible for at least 100 human deaths a year due to car accidents. In fact, many areas now hire sharp-shooters to do controlled hunting in order to contain the outbreak, and countries like Scotland actually devote the winnings of their national lottery just to build deer fencing! So don't slap those hunters on the wrist--it's much worse to watch thousands of them starve to death. And speaking of hunters, aim for the FEMALES--as usual, they're the ones causing all the problems, right? Trust me, there are plenty of deer to go round. And, you critter-huggers, if you wanna get behind a cause, how about protecting the wolves and cougars to preserve some natural predatory balance? (As Adler points out, "Volvos don't count as predators.")
FAVORITE QUOTES:
[My solution?:] I raise orchids, which are primarily tropical, and they grow inside. I have found that deer, like most people who enjoy Wheel of Fortune, are unable to work deadbolt locks and, in extreme instances, are incapable of using a common doorknob! Accordingly, this is how *I* outwit deer.
Males are also at higher risk of death in collisions with cars during mating season because their single-minded focus on mating all but eradicates their judgment... I'll resist the temptation to make analogies to human males here.
Be persistent. Never lose heart--they may outnumber you, they may be faster and jump higher than you, they may be cuter than you (come on, admit it), but try as they might they'll never solve a quadratic equation.
#9 Encourage your community to round up all the deer and ship them somewhere far, far away.
#24 Play Sinatra and Led Zeppelin music at a high-enough volume to scare deer away. If deer become used to any particular band, change to something new.
#26 Don't shower for a couple weeks, then hang out in your garden. Nothing will come near you, including deer.
#47 Build a five-foot-wide moat around your garden--stock it with alligators.
#77 Next time the circus comes to town, load up on tiger and elephant manure.
#80 Enclose your garden in a giant plastic bubble.
#83 Set up a big-screen television in your yard and play the scene from Bambi where Bambi's mother dies over and over again.
#91 Casually place copies of this book between plants.
Of course, mixed with his sarcastic humor are some amazing suggestions of both household and commercial products that work well in chasing away deer, so the book was not only entertaining, but USEFUL. Most products involve strong odors, as a deer's sense of smell is approximately a thousand times more sensitive than a human's (that would be why deer lick their babies so often, as well as why they run in a zig-zag pattern--to prevent leaving behind a straight scent-line for predators). Thus, cayenne pepper, Irish spring soap, strongly-scented plants such as lilac and herbs, citrus rinds, etc. always come in handy. Adler provides extensive plant lists as well, including both the plants that deer love and hate.
I was surprised how this book also tackled the issue of deer over-population. Thanks to the depletion of natural predators, and our friends the critter-huggers, they're pretty much set to take over the world in a matter of decades. Deer populations have absolutely exploded exponentially since the 70s (current levels are estimated at 15-25 million in the U.S. alone)--not to mention they are responsible for at least 100 human deaths a year due to car accidents. In fact, many areas now hire sharp-shooters to do controlled hunting in order to contain the outbreak, and countries like Scotland actually devote the winnings of their national lottery just to build deer fencing! So don't slap those hunters on the wrist--it's much worse to watch thousands of them starve to death. And speaking of hunters, aim for the FEMALES--as usual, they're the ones causing all the problems, right? Trust me, there are plenty of deer to go round. And, you critter-huggers, if you wanna get behind a cause, how about protecting the wolves and cougars to preserve some natural predatory balance? (As Adler points out, "Volvos don't count as predators.")
FAVORITE QUOTES:
[My solution?:] I raise orchids, which are primarily tropical, and they grow inside. I have found that deer, like most people who enjoy Wheel of Fortune, are unable to work deadbolt locks and, in extreme instances, are incapable of using a common doorknob! Accordingly, this is how *I* outwit deer.
Males are also at higher risk of death in collisions with cars during mating season because their single-minded focus on mating all but eradicates their judgment... I'll resist the temptation to make analogies to human males here.
Be persistent. Never lose heart--they may outnumber you, they may be faster and jump higher than you, they may be cuter than you (come on, admit it), but try as they might they'll never solve a quadratic equation.
August 25, 2021
Helpful lists of plants deer definitely like to eat and those they avoid. Lots of tips for keeping the deer away from your gardens and plants, but this book is now about 25-30 years old, so some references are out of date and the data shared is now out of date. His humor got old fast.
April 21, 2011
Subtitle: 101 truly ingenious methods and proven techniques to prevent deer from devouring your garden and destroying your yard.
Get this again.
Get this again.
December 18, 2012
Oh, I can use his advice. Those **** Bambis keep munching my favorite plants! Where's a mountain lion when you want one?
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews