Blue Star Grit: A Mother’s Journey of Triumph and Tragedy Raising a Defiant Child into an Exceptional Leader

by Ginny Luther

Good leaders are hard to raise. Learn from this poignant parenting memoir the path to let go and let grow.Parenting a strong-willed child is a constant uphill battle—until you learn how to shift from control to connection using the help of a parent who guided her difficult child into a resilient leader.

Positive Parenting founder, Conscious Discipline specialist, and single mom Ginny Luther, MS, struggled with her young son Bart, who was defiant and had a violent temper. The more she tried to control him, the worse his behavior got. Overwhelmed with the challenges and guilt, Ginny realized she had to stop reacting in fear and anger and learn to connect with Bart or they’d never make it.

Blue Star Grit is the emotional journey of a parent and her defiant child embracing the struggle that allowed them to shift from pain to peace—and after tragedy struck with Bart’s death, from grief to gratitude. Whether you’re struggling to discipline a kid, heal family relationships, or grieving for a loved one, Ginny and Bart’s story will prove the struggle is the catalyst for powerful growth.

You’ll discover...How Ginny cultivated Bart’s natural tendencies, so he was able to grow into a respected, resourceful, and self-aware military leader—and how to do the same with your own child.The difference between guiding the discipline and controlling the child—one works, the other doesn’t.Five examples of embracing conflicts and mastering growth through tough challenges.How to build a relationship with your child that motivates them to be resilient and take responsibility for their choices.How to reclaim your own behavior and gain peace in your relationships.
The journey to peace starts with connection and letting go of guilt. This powerful memoir will change the way you see yourself as a parent and guide your child to become the strong individual you know they can be.

343 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 2, 2023

About the author

Ginny Luther, MS, is an Educational and Family Behavioral Consultant, founder of Peaceful Parenting LLC, and Conscious Discipline Master Instructor. She is a dynamic international speaker for parents and educational professionals pulling from her vast life experience. Her own challenging child was the catalyst for her passion to help others, using Dr. Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline in schools, early childhood centers, with parents, and in mentorship. Her tremendous knowledge provides creative solutions to many difficult issues facing schools and families today.

Ginny’s real passion for discipline started when her youngest child did not respond effectively to the traditional methods of discipline. With a powerful personality from the start, Ginny knew that Bart would either become a monster or a leader, and it was up to her to give him the best choices. This required a transformational journey that meant years of self-growth courses, which inspired her to create Peaceful Parenting LLC in 1994.

In 1998, Ginny became a Loving Guidance Associate and Conscious Discipline® Master Instructor. A dynamic speaker on the national and international stage, Ginny mentored those who study this transformational way of parenting and united them in building Conscious Discipline communities. She has won numerous awards and recognition for her life’s work. Ginny continues to teach constructive, active parenting to other parents and educational professionals to help children build resiliency and be responsible for their thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Ginny holds an MS in Speech-Language Pathology from Ithaca College. Before working with Loving Guidance, her educational roles included therapist, Pre-K teacher of children with varying exceptionalities, Martin County Interdisciplinary team evaluator, assistant administrator, and early childhood program coordinator. She was awarded Teacher of the Year by Jensen Beach Elementary School in Florida.

In semi-retirement, she maintains her focus to local communities. Using her expertise and commitment to empower adult-child relationships, she uses conflict as an opportunity for growth during her enthusiastic workshops. Ginny also serves as an educational consultant, a certified CBT Life Coach, Parent/Teacher Coach, and a support group leader for school districts, parents, communities, corporate organizations, associations, clubs, and summer camps.

Bart became an officer in the United States Army and passionately served his country until his untimely death on American soil. Following Bart’s death, Ginny and her husband, Jack, co-founded Bart’s Blue Star Foundation, a nonprofit that supports funding opportunities for people on the front lines with children to receive Conscious Discipline training, coaching, and social emotional learning programs. Bart’s story was included in a chapter of James Patterson’s book Walk in My Combat Boots.

Ginny and Jack live in South Florida. An avid boot camper at the local YMCA, Ginny also loves hiking, biking, walking, and swimming—but is most relaxed when she can walk her dog in remote trails in quiet nature preserves. However, at the top of her favorite things to do is sharing a nice glass of fine wine paired with sharp cheese while connecting with friends and family!

Learn more about Ginny Luther at peacefulparenting.net and ginnyluther.com.

Reviews

[Darynschwartz Schwartz · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite genres is memoirs, but for me to love a memoir, the author has to be vulnerable and authentic, and have interesting experiences. I also like books that resonate with me in my journey of self-awareness as a parent. (So much of what is hard about being a Mom is dealing with my own "baggage" in the heat of parenting challenges.) This book checked ALL those boxes and more.

I haven't read a book in a long time that pulled me in so quickly. I almost read it in one sitting. I will be thinking about the author's experiences and perspectives for a long, long time. Highly recommend. It's an incredibly powerful story.

I am receiving an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Marty · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a comfortable read

Why would I expect this book to be comfortable to read? As the mother of a strong willed 13 year old girl and a young, married soldier I struggled through parts of this book that hit very close to home. Ginny Luther is transparent in her feelings about the military and they don’t align with mine. There’s a lot of grief and enlightenment in this book and I appreciate Ginny for sharing her story. She gave me a lot to think about. But it was not an easy, enjoyable book to read.

[Jules Mione · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the honor of listening to Ginny Luther as a keynote speaker at a conference I attended on Conscious Discipline. As a military wife, she broke my heart. I immediately bought her book and stood in line to get her autograph and thank her for sharing her story. Parenting my second-born parallels many of her stories and gave me many “I’m not alone” moments.

[Christie Mayer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What a book! This book has all of the best elements of a memoir… honesty, vulnerability, adversity, reflection, hope… and love. There are so many themes that run through this beautiful work, it is universally relatable. I could not put it down!

[Melissa Burke · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many emotions. I felt the author’s bond with her sons like the bond with my own. I cried so many times. Shame is a curse we hold inside. I appreciate the raw brutal honestly of the author in her struggles with her own childhood trauma and the truth of her struggles raising her own. We are all Ginny. This book is for every person raising a child that wonders “am I doing this right?”.

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a poignant memoir, so beautifully and honestly written. I marvel at the author’s insight in recognizing control was not the answer to her willful child’s tantrums and in discovering how to work with him in love to help him be all that he needed to be. Such a daunting challenge for a single mom of two young children. Her arduous journey to help Bart make peace with his world gave him a voice and helped to foster an amazing and loving family.

The story of Bart’s murder and its aftermath was so heart-wrenching, I cried through most of the first section. The author’s telling of the story was so compelling, I couldn’t put the book down. I wanted to know more! Her honesty in sharing the rawness of her grief and healing process held nothing back. For all those people who told her, “I can’t imagine,” well, now they can. It was an intimate, moving life-lesson for us all.

But most of all, I am awed by the author’s ability to forgive. The final chapter really hit home when she reflects on blame: “Do we want to be us and them, or do we want to be united? Being right in blame feels good at first, but separates and divides in the long run. Choosing cooperation and kindness amid internal chaos is a much more loving approach.” Such important words for today’s world.

I highly recommend this great read. There is so much personal growth in her story, I wish it had been available to me years ago.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Rebecca Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me longer to read this book than it might otherwise have, as it brought so much of my own grief from my life experiences to the surface. I stopped and restarted it more than once because I was sobbing through the heartache that was palpable on these pages. But through all of the grief, there was so much understanding, enlightenment, and even joy, the author portrayed in this touching memoir. The book is a tribute to Lt. Bart Fletcher’s life, but also a testament to a mother’s love and desire to provide the best possible life for her children, even when she doesn’t agree with their path. I saw so much of myself as a mother in these pages and the daily struggles of valuing compliance over connection with our children. It made me reflect on my own parenting style with my own strong willed children and made me want to do better and be better for them and for the sake of our relationship.

A heartfelt, must read memoir for parents of strong willed children.

[Doug · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I knew Bart, having lived with him for two years while in college, and he definitely was a tenacious leader by that time in his life. I really enjoyed hearing about Bart's stubborn antics as an unruly child and how Ginny evolved her parenting style to best address his behavior. As a teacher now, I feel like there are many good strategies for helping different kinds of children to succeed outlined in this book. It was wonderful to be transported back to an earlier time in my live by reading stories about Bart. They helped me to recall many of our many adventures together in college. Thank you so much Ginny for writing this book! I learned a lot about a guy who I knew pretty well and enjoyed so much of this book... when I wasn't crying :-)

The one thing I think could have been added, but I understand why it wasn't since it's a book about Ginny and Bart's relationship, is what happened to Katie, who is now a happily married doctor and mother.

[Patty Beonde · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are looking for a book to help you raise a child, improve family relationships, be a better teacher, understand yourself and others, overcome grief and become a better person, Blue Star Grit is a must read! Author, Ginny Luther, traces the life of her son, Bart Fletcher, from a defiant, disobedient child to an exemplary military leader. You will be impressed with the connection and communication she built with Bart over the years. Bart’s tragic death, at the hand of another soldier, provides the catalyst for her to examine her own life and make changes that lead to her greater ability to accept and forgive those with whom she has struggled. Learn how you can use communication and connection to improve your life and the lives of others.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, it took me awhile to get through this book, but I did enjoy it. I too, have a strong-willed young son so some nights it was difficult to pick up this book when I would compare my parenting choices (especially if it was a hard day with my toddler-kid). There are many things that I will take with me from this, one of them will be to guide my son on his own unique path.

As for the story; it is a sad memoir. I’m not sure a book has made me full on sob before. Ginny’s life has not been easy, but the people who have been through the worst are usually the wisest. If you have any experience with conscious discipline, I recommend it and even if you don’t - I highly recommend it. Parenting has really hard days, and in here is the honest truth.

[Julie Pinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this twice. This author had great courage to write this book. It’s raw, intense and yet beautiful at the same time. There are so many lessons in this book about love, boundaries, life and death. The feelings I had when reading it were those of gratitude and connection. What a whirlwind of emotions! I definitely shed a few tears reading this. Men and women of all ages will be shocked by the pure candor, and honesty she so eloquently expresses with each word. I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Rhonda · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's about time we stop sweeping the truth under the rug and start making people uncomfortable for the reality. What a great, and VERY NECESSARY, read. This is a "taboo" subject that we as a nation have been raised with the "if it doesn't affect you then it doesn't matter" rule. Not realizing that one day it will hit your doorstep.
Thank you for writing a book that is so direct on such a terrible subject. Wonderful book.

[Lorie Shekailo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This powerful story evoked so many strong emotions in me. I couldn't put it down! I cried, I laughed, I felt the author's frustration and pain and I empathized! Her story is an inspiration to us all. This book should be read by parents with young children everywhere.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Anne Franzen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent. I savored it from the first page to the last. It’s a wonderful tribute to an amazing leader, but it’s also a remarkable story of personal growth that applies not only to Ginny, but all of us. I cannot wait to read it again, this time with a highlighter! Thank you, Ginny, for your courage, and for your story.

[Crystal Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book caught my attention for a few reasons. I’m a psychology major working with autistic children. I have always been interested in mental health awareness for Veterans and soldiers, so hearing a mother’s perspective was interesting to read. Her story gives inspiration to those raising passionate/difficult children.
*I received this free through Goodreads giveaways.

[Tim Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible, honest, sad, yet uplifting story of a mother's love for a challenging son who grew up to become an amazing leader. Don't miss the read: you'll laugh and commiserate and shed some tears of sadness and joy.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart wrenching, uplifting, inspiring, and amazing!!! You did it- Ginny Luther!!

[Joy Venable · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! Powerful.

[Mary Eckes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing from start to finish. You could really relate to her situations. If you are a preschool teacher and you need to understand the process with a tough child, read this book. She is a life changer, and I love that she works with my job! Amazing