Beautiful and Terrible Things: Faith, Doubt, and Discovering a Way Back to Each Other

by Amy Butler

From one of America’s most prominent ministers comes an inspiring, provocative reflection on the necessity of community, the inevitability of conflict, and the transformative power of radical love.

“I so love and admire the work and witness of Pastor Amy Butler.”—Anne Lamott

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid,” said theologian Frederick Beuchner. Pastor Amy Butler, the first woman at the helm of New York’s historic Riverside Church, knows firsthand that to navigate such a world, one must be courageous, honest, and compassionate. In Beautiful and Terrible Things, Pastor Amy draws on the most meaningful, challenging, and soul-shaking moments of her own life to offer larger lessons on theology and relationships.

Pastor Amy grew up in a conservative Evangelical family in the diverse culture of the Hawaiian Islands. As she realized she was more inclined to be a pastor than to marry one, she began an unlikely journey, breaking one stained-glass ceiling after another. Holding increasingly high-profile ministry positions in New Orleans, Washington, D.C., and New York City, Amy weathered rigidly unwelcoming congregations and enormous trials, ultimately learning that only the radical love of community could generate healing. As she describes her experiences leading a church to publicly affirm its LGBTQ community members, losing a child, and undergoing an unexpected divorce, Amy offers a thoughtful lens on all the ways life can push us to see the world from another’s perspective. In her signature compassionate, witty voice, she offers fresh, nonjudgmental perspectives on faith—which, at its most beautiful expression, allows for the possibility that there is more than one way to experience God.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Religion, Spirituality, Theology, Christianity

220 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 3, 2023

Reviews

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I grew up in a religious tradition in which women warmed casseroles, taught children's Sunday school classes, and sometimes—with the endorsement and supervision of the male pastor—taught women's Bible study classes. It's not that I had ever heard anyone preach or teach about specifically why women couldn't be pastors, it was just that I'd never seen a woman pastor. I honestly didn't even know such a thing could exist. (loc.137*)

Butler was perhaps an unexpected pick for a minister: growing up conservative and evangelical, her understanding was that if she wanted to be involved in ministry, her best bet was to be a preacher's wife. But in college, something shifted: she realized that she had more options than she'd thought—and then, as she sallied forth on the path to ministry, she learned over and over again how hard that would be as a woman in a very conservative tradition.

Beautiful and Terrible Things is a memoir in essays, structured partially around lessons Butler learned—and the people she learned them from—in her years in ministry. I don't live in her world, so I didn't realize until I was midway through the book that she's a prominent figure in the evangelical world—the first woman pastor at more than one historic US church, and one who has been very successful at both growing church membership and (as she describes, and as far as I can confirm from outside sources) bringing the churches she led into a somewhat more modern age.

But it sounds like a hard, hard path at times. In earlier years, Butler was involved in churches affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention, which...does not exactly have a stellar record when it comes to women's welfare. And her family was not ready to see a woman minister either: years later, after I'd been a pastor for more than a decade, I paid him [her grandfather] a visit in his retirement home. When I approached his chair and kissed him hello, he grabbed my hand and pulled me close, looked me straight in the eyes, and said: "You are the biggest disappointment of my life." Love never managed to penetrate that hardness; those were the last words I ever heard him speak. (loc. 293)

The book is not all, or even primarily, about those earliest years, but they're necessary to set the scene for the ups and downs to come. It's worth noting that the book is fundamentally about people rather than about religion—that is, while readers who are shocked by the idea of women in ministry (or women wearing trousers) will probably have a hard time getting beyond the basics, it's written with the explicit understanding that not all of Butler's readers will share her views, and that she does not expect them to. I am a Christian minister, she writes, and in that work, I have a personal conception of God. But I want to leave space for what you imagine God to be, too, if the Divine is a reality in your life at all. Whatever God is for you, I hope that looks like a lavish and unrestricted love (loc. 65).

I could go on (and on), but I'll leave that here. Interesting and timely; I will be recommending especially to some minister friends who have faced similar challenges.

*Quotes are taken from an ARC and may not be final.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must start this review by stating I am not Christian, yet I was curious to read this memoir and I am so glad I did. As I have shared before I am always a bit hesitant to read memoirs as while the author’s life story may be compelling, often the writing is less than stellar. This memoir was one of the exceptions. Both the story and writing are stellar and profound. The author is clearly a special human and I found her personal story moving and her reflections on god, humans and community thought provoking.

Thank you you to NetGalley for providing this early release in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Catherine Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met Amy Butler over a decade ago when she was at Calvary Baptist Church in DC. She was doing new and innovative things in that historic church to bring in younger people and talk about faith differently - in a more inclusive way. We connected and I was so proud of her move to Riverside Church in NYC where she became the first woman to take the senior leadership role in that historic church.

The essays in this book are searingly honest about the things that shape, make, and break us. Most of us don't share the messy parts of our lives, even with those who love and accept us. Amy shares some of those hard things that formed her foundation of faith and keeps bringing her back to the idea that love and community are what faith is about.

I am not a religious person and as Amy points out in this book I am one of the millions raised in a faith tradition who no longer practices that tradition. The number of Americans leaving church communities grows larger every year. But there are reasons to believe that God - or some higher presence in the universe - is in the smallest of connections between people who show up for each other because that is what it means to be in community with our fellow humans. We have to take care of each other. And we aren't doing a very good job of it at the moment - on so many levels.

Amy did a book tour in the Fall mainly hosted at churches and continues to speak at events around the country. I'm here to tell you that this book is for everyone no matter what faith you practice - or if you practice no faith tradition at all. This is a remarkable woman who is a visionary leader and that leadership happens to have taken root in a church instead of a corporation, a university, or an elected government office. What she has to say in these essays is fundamental to understanding what is at stake for the future of our communities and our country. Her view of the world is expansive and she is resilient in not giving up on imagining a better future.

I'll be gifting her book to friends who I think will appreciate her view of how we can move through the world with each other and recognize the divine in something as small as mint lip balm. This book was good for my soul.

[Lissa00 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book of essays on faith written by a prominent female pastor. Amy Butler’s main thread throughout these essays is that God and religion can be found within our relationships with other humans, whether we agree with their opinions or their way of life or not. I thought this had some good insight into faith in America and I mostly agree with her ideas on the way forward for the Christian church. I received a digital ARC of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.

[Kristen Beverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I don’t necessarily believe everything that Butler believes, I think this was a fantastic, hopeful and encouraging read. So much about having empathy for others, living in community and loving on everyone, regardless of their beliefs. I really enjoyed listening to the audio, which she reads herself.

[Audrey Marcusen McMacken · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good here.

Makes me both appreciate my faith tradition where female clergy are common and think about the challenges for those female leaders. And so much more here too....

[Chelsea Hopkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in a single sitting.

Through Pastor Amy Butler’s stories in ‘Beautiful and Terrible Things’, I saw so many parallels with my own journey through faith and existence; stories of pain, struggle, conflict, and doubt, but also joy, growth, community, and love. I cried a lot throughout and am not sure I’ve ever gotten so much use out of my Kindle’s highlight feature.

I’m grateful that I also had the opportunity to meet her at my church tonight and get a hardcover signed by her.

Bookstagram - @chelsealikesbooks

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was drawn to Amy Butler’s memoir, Beautiful and Terrible Things: Faith, Doubt, and Discovering a Way Back to Each Other, because I wanted to hear of her journey from a conservative Evangelical background to becoming the first female pastor in a Baptist church. She learned to move away from that rigid background where she was taught to believe that in order to be saved, one must repent and accept Jesus to a less transactional one: God loves us unconditionally. God loves us as we are.

Her journey was not an easy one. Butler writes candidly of her family upbringing in Hawaii, of an adult who abused the young girls in the family and parents who looked the other way. She writes of a college class where women were in the minority. The assignment was to re-write a hymn using gender-inclusive language. This struck a chord with me, because, although I figure I’m about 15 years older than she is, I was raised Catholic, and when I was college age and older, I was exposed to nuns and some priests in the 70s who were much more liberal. They generally did use inclusive language in liturgy and hoped that one day women in the Catholic Church could function as priests. Sadly, although women do have many roles in the Church, the priesthood is still denied to females.

Amy writes of other challenges as well, that taught her to examine her beliefs and often, to question God. Seeing a teenage prostitute battered to death changed her thinking about preaching sanctimoniously about being saved when there was plenty of Hell here on earth. She goes on to describe the anguish of losing a baby, of going through divorce, of being dismissed from her job. She worked with parishioners of all stripes, which taught her to be more open-minded and compassionate. I was greatly interested in her approach to the issue of LGBTQ+ persons in her church and the way she dealt with others on the church board and in the church community to help them become more accepting of all people. She admits that she tended to come into a new place wanting to change too much too fast sometimes, and she learned through experience that she had more success by doing things gradually. She mentions community a lot, and I think that served her well.

The title, the “Beautiful and Terrible” comes from what she calls the experiences in our human relationships that help us or keep us from growing and evolving. In one chapter, she talks about the hardest commandment of all: Love your neighbor as yourself. The example she uses is gun control. What a volatile issue! She cites several examples, however, of people on both sides coming together and getting to know one another as human beings. There can be no real agreement on the issue, but they can understand one another’s pain and humanity. That, she says, is love. And I like that she encourages her people to read the Bible so that they know what it says and what it doesn’t say, to discourage them from misquoting or misrepresenting it.

There are other ways to find community, of course. Each of us can find our God, our higher power, and our source of community support outside of a church. This is one woman’s journey with her faith, family, church, community, and with herself. May you continue to find beauty in your journey, Amy Butler.

I received a digital copy of Beautiful and Terrible Things in exchange for my honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Thanks to NetGalley, Random House Publishing, and Amy Butler.

4 stars

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.–
Frederick Buechner, quotes in Beautiful and Terrible Things by Amy Butler

I don’t often talk about it, but my life before my husband’s retirement was not quite my own. I was constrained by the expectations placed upon me. For I was a pastor’s wife–I was almost twenty when we married, and sixty-three when my husband retired, so basically my whole life.

As an itinerant minister, my husband was assigned churches by the Bishop. His first charge, as a seminary student, was a small rural Ohio church. We moved to Eastern Pennsylvania and lived in the posh suburbs where he was a youth pastor, and in the inner city of Philadelphia. We returned to our home state where he served small towns, and resort towns, and small city churches.

Over thirty-eight years, we saw a lot of changes in the church. In 1972, women pastors were struggling to be accepted. Being homosexual was still considered a life choice or mental illness. Church membership was in decline and glitzy megachurches growing. The changing needs and sensibilities of the younger members set them at odd with older members. Social issues became divisive. In fact, late in my husband’s career his church split over abortion, half the members leaving.

My husband burned out, served outside of the local church, returned to parish ministry, and left completely burned out. The church is a wonderful institution, he would muse, if only for the people.

Yes, we met wonderful people. People of faith and good will and who lived Jesus’ message of love. But I recognized when Amy Butler wrote, “Over recent years the bad behavior of a few members of my church had made me doubt the goodness of God, if not God’s very existence, and all but derailed my hope of healthy community.” It is a frustration most clergy face at some time in their career.

Butler came from an evangelistic church with strict rules and beliefs. Her experience taught her to rethink everything she thought she knew about God. As a female pastor, she faced discrimination. As a woman who had to chose abortion, whose marriage failed, she had to reconcile faith with life’s bitter choices. She struggled. She doubted. She was challenged to accept that God can accept our anger and doubt.

Butler served some of the most important churches in America, including historic Riverside Church in New York City. It’s what drew me to the book. I was shocked to learn that it was as dysfunctional as the churches that burned my husband out. Butler was given a pink slip without warning. My husband underwent that experience, too. She had to go into the pulpit the next Sunday to lead the very people who had decided to replace her. My husband had to do that for nine months. Why was her contract not renewed? Because the church declines to offer her a fair and equitable salary and to intercede into the sexual harassment she and other female staff were facing!

Oh yes, the church is a wonderful place…if only for the people.

As I read this beautifully written memoir, I knew that Butler spoke the brutal and honest truth of the clergy experience.

Butler found a way to serve through creating a program to fund changing unjust systems. Her story of growth from a simplistic faith challenged by the realities of a troubled world to finding a way to put her ideals into action is inspirational.

Thanks to the publisher for a free book.

[Kathy Cowie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
Rounding up for girl power (woman power? sorry, that doesn't seem as powerful to me for some reason). Pastor Amy Butler is a stained-glass-ceiling shatterer, a boundary stretcher, a woman who was born to shake up the church. Her story does not follow a typical arc—she does not go from hardscrabble roots to world fame—but she is definitely a change maker. She is not, apparently, squeaky clean and above reproach, either, though the details are debatable. All the more reason to like her, if you ask me. Don't be confused, this is not the Catholic church. These are Baptists, where a female pastor is new and unusual, but not beyond imagining. In addition to her work, often as the first female pastor wherever she is, Pastor Butler is reimagining how we think about the actual church building, in a time when traditional churches are closing in droves. I will admit to a general weariness/wariness regarding my own church recently, so I chose this book from NetGalley to consider some deep thoughts from another source. I will say there were some "preachier" bits (I know) that I could have done without (I didn't need the lesson on filibuster, which seemed oddly pedantic, given the intelligent narrative up to that point) especially as they were unrelated to the church.

We live in a divisive world. Pastor Amy Butler had no easy solutions to that, but she did have some thoughts.

[Marian · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was looking for my next book and returned to my long list of things I plan to read... looking for books with four-star reviews or more and that's where my vote lands too. The book's title comes from a quote, "Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid" - Frederick Beuchner. The title is the right choice for this series of essays and insights from a female pastor who dealt with divorce, losing a child, and the turmoil accompanying pastoring a church. It may interest anyone with a church background but also appeal to those who wonder whether there's hope for the church in this divisive, polarizing age. I connected to her statement about the church as an institution not being "God" but that often God can be found in unexpected places and through unexpected people. The author grapples with issues of social justice, church membership dropping, inclusivity, and what can happen to address these things as Christians. The author's willingness to share her vulnerabilities and weaknesses will also affirm the experience of any pastor and may build empathy for their vision and the impossibility of leading groups with different hurts and agendas.

[Hanna Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I wondered how many people I’d sent running in the other direction with my piety, pushing them away from the welcoming, healing love of God because I was too busy enforcing the rules.”

Yes, Pastor Amy. Yes.

This quote summarizes the entire book. The author’s story is one that a lot of Christians can relate to. Growing up under the eye of the watchful evangelical Christians, hoping to do everything right and trying to bring everyone else with you and if you choose not to come, oh well, guess you’re just a sinner condemned to Hell. Pastor Amy so beautifully describes why this is not the case, why the Church should actively be a welcoming space for everyone. I enjoying hearing how her personal struggles fit into this equation and what it felt like to be a woman in a profession that tells you to be something else.

**I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review

[Lorraine · Rating 3 out of 5]

What is the aim of this short memoir? It's not likely going to restore your faith, if you've lost it, or pull you into religion, if you're not already there. It won't restore your faith in humanity; it might rehabilitate your trust in (some) pastors. I think that if you're a female in a leadership role in a church, particularly one who walks in the grey areas of religion (as opposed to the black & white areas) you will realize you're not the only one. It may then give you some hope to know you're not alone with your struggles and doubts and trials. It also tells you that faith is more about connection and community than rules and traditions. It invites you to walk with the author through some of her challenges and see that there is a path through and forward, despite how dark and hard it may be.
The book is easy reading and has some good insights, and offers a few rays of hope.

[Cozy Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Net Galley, the publisher and the author for the opportunity to review this wonderful book. My review opinions are my own.

The Author has written this in a series of essays that are a fascinating look into the life of a woman Pastor and the many challenges she faced. With great devotion to her calling she overcame mysogany , discrimination and rose to be a popular Pastor of her church. Her writing is inspiring to all Christians and I found her Faith inspiring as well. I enjoyed this Christian read as Net Galley does not offer many Christian books for those of us with Faith. I highly recommend this book for your reading enjoyment as it will strengthen your Faith and bring inspiration., Thank you to the author for sharing your Faith journey.

[James Tetley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful book. The stories that Amy shares are deeply moving. She shares openly about her divorce, her abortion, her grandfather's rejection and even the church is rejection when she was in the senior pastor position.

This book is refreshing in its honesty and also Vision. Although I do not agree with all her theological positions it is inspiring to see her desire for people to encounter God in Christ. As an analysis of a leader who persevered under trial there is much to learn. Also as a white privileged male Baptist pastor, reading books by someone so different from me is both mind opening and builds empathy.

I recommend this as a means of opening one's eyes to a bigger Vision and the call to love.

[Michelle Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for an advanced copy of BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS by Amy Butler. I really loved this perspective on Butler's experience breaking the stained glass ceiling all while sharing personal, honest stories about her grief with her divorce, her late term abortion of a very wanted child, and her sexual abuse by a relative as a child. It was so clear how all these experiences almost forced her to liberalism as she fought to defend the oppressed and t0 serve God to the best of her abilities. She had beautiful views on faith and service and love for those around us. I definitely recommend it.

[Keren Krinick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found Beautiful and Terrible Things by Amy Butler very interesting! The sneak peak into the life, experiences, perspective and insights of this prominent woman pastor was not what I expected. Instead of a highly religious book, I was surprised and enjoyed how the author portrays herself as a human, a person with her own challenges and real life/family dramas. Also, her main lead of viewing G_d presenting itself in the relationships between people rather than by being awed, felt like a new perspective.Thank you NetGalley, the author and publisher for the advance reading copy for review. All opinions are my own.

[MG · Rating 5 out of 5]

After finishing BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS, I thought it was great--especially the first half where Amy Butler gently explained what she had to unlearn and relearn about her faith. In the second half she started to cover what happened in her career and that did not translate as well to lessons for everyone but were still interesting. Her account of why she was let go from Riverside was surprising and troubling. Still, overall, I thought it was a wonderful book. Then I learned that it has sold only 2,000 copies over its first 8 months. That was very depressing. Does the mainline Protestant crowd read Christian books any more?

[Amy B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amy Butler presents such an interesting perspective of the Church from the eyes of a female pastor. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about her experiences as Pastor, Mom, Chaplain, and entrepreneur. The book is written in a series of "essays", each portraying one of her defining life events, some beautiful and some terrible. I was motivated to do some introspection after reading this book, and I hope I can, along with her, truly "Love one Another" more fully.

Thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to read and review Beautiful and Terrible Things.

[Laura A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks Netgalley for allowing me to read this book. Amy is trying to figure out who she wants to be while in college. She decided that she wants to take the path less traveled, and with many obstacles. She wants to be a pastor. This book takes us on a journey of what Amy's life was like and all the challenges she endured to be a pastor.

[C. Purtill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always enjoy reading about people's individual struggles with their faith, especially if they grew up with one that felt stifling or overwhelming or simply not a good fit. Amy Butler's memoir was inspiring and I highly recommend to readers who are looking for an uplifting life story.

Thanks to Netgalley for the arc to review.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened upon this book by chance, and am glad I picked it up. Butler writes really beautifully about both celebratory and excruciating events in her life, and shares theological insights throughout. It is more a collection of essays than a memoir (which the author explains at the beginning), and I would have loved to have a bit more of a storyline throughout, but I'm still glad I read it.

[Kelly Pramberger]

I am glad to have read Amy's book and I enjoyed the way she wrote about her journey to becoming what her heart called her to do - even if it was against what her family desired for her. Very good writing and I liked the detail she gave. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Audrey Gulley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book details the life of a female pastor who grew up in a Southern Baptist home and religion. She is raw and honest in her stories. She exemplifies Christianity in the way it was meant to be followed. She tells beautiful and heartbreaking stories. Will read again.

[Clay Mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

We used this book as a book study and it was a great convo starter. Extremely well written by a great female pastor. Exposes her vulnerability and illuminates the struggles of women as leaders in Christian church.

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

Amy, the first woman pastor of NYC Riverside Church, tells her story. The sexism she faced in seminary, the challenges of pastoring her first church, her struggles as a wife, mother, and Christian, as well as her contract not being renewed at Riverside are detailed in this memoir.

[E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book every pastor should read, and church members in leadership who have responsibilities for caring for pastors.

The chapter on her divorce resonated deeply with me. I cried fresh tears.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. I appreciate her message, but the writing often felt trite.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

So thoughtful.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book may resonate with readers who have been ignored, excluded, or actively hurt by religious institutions.

The author reminds readers that God and The Church are not one and the same.