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Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement
Do you suffer from any of the following?
Procrastination Wide swings of mood and self-esteem Ambivalence in making decisions Dreaming big, but never following throughIf you or someone you love isn't living up to his or her potential -- and suffers from even one or two of the above feelings -- here is a program that can help. Your Own Worst Enemy is the first book devoted to the problem of adult underachievement, a problem stemming from common behavior patterns that can manifest itself in almost every walk of life -- from twentysomethings stuck in dead-end jobs to outwardly successful businesspeople who can't help feeling they've missed their true calling.
In Your Own Worst Enemy, Dr. Kenneth Christian details the telltale signs of what he calls self-limiting behavior -- everyday habits that can seem harless (like taking unchallenging jobs) or even worthwhile (like setting absurdly high standards), but that over time can send high-potential people into a tailspin of dead ends and frustration. He identifies underachieving types, from charmers, who substitute congeniality for effort, to extreme risk-takers, who casually gamble their future away, to best-or-nothings, who refuse to play if they can't win. And he offers practical 15-step guide to help underachievers shake off their old habits and start taking an active hand in their own future.
Filled with persuasive case studies and useful advice on everything from overhauling workspace to remaking self-image, Your Own Worst Enemy will help underachievers everywhere visualize their goals, break through their barriers, and start realizing their unlimited potential.
Procrastination Wide swings of mood and self-esteem Ambivalence in making decisions Dreaming big, but never following throughIf you or someone you love isn't living up to his or her potential -- and suffers from even one or two of the above feelings -- here is a program that can help. Your Own Worst Enemy is the first book devoted to the problem of adult underachievement, a problem stemming from common behavior patterns that can manifest itself in almost every walk of life -- from twentysomethings stuck in dead-end jobs to outwardly successful businesspeople who can't help feeling they've missed their true calling.
In Your Own Worst Enemy, Dr. Kenneth Christian details the telltale signs of what he calls self-limiting behavior -- everyday habits that can seem harless (like taking unchallenging jobs) or even worthwhile (like setting absurdly high standards), but that over time can send high-potential people into a tailspin of dead ends and frustration. He identifies underachieving types, from charmers, who substitute congeniality for effort, to extreme risk-takers, who casually gamble their future away, to best-or-nothings, who refuse to play if they can't win. And he offers practical 15-step guide to help underachievers shake off their old habits and start taking an active hand in their own future.
Filled with persuasive case studies and useful advice on everything from overhauling workspace to remaking self-image, Your Own Worst Enemy will help underachievers everywhere visualize their goals, break through their barriers, and start realizing their unlimited potential.
316 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2002
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642 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
August 11, 2013
The author, who is a clinical psychologist and the founder of the Maximum Potential Project, presents the problem of adult underachievement clearly and with great insight. First he defines what he means by adult underachievement and then he lists the different ways that people sabotage themselves and why. In the middle section of the book he presents a program that he says will help you to break the habit of underachievement if you follow it religiously.
That was where he lost me. I found the program to be way too complicated. It has 15 steps, for one thing, and involves a lot of visualization, soul-searching and goal-setting. I admit that I get impatient and want results yesterday, but it was taking way too long to get to the part where I felt like I was getting something out of it. In my opinion, when you're dealing with people who have trouble accomplishing things, the last thing you want to do is give them a program that takes a long time to show results.
I think the book would have been more effective if he had put the program at the end, after he fully discusses the problem and his solution. I would even go so far as to recommend that you read the book all the way through before trying to follow the program. There is a lot of food for thought in it which needs to be digested before trying to run the course.
That was where he lost me. I found the program to be way too complicated. It has 15 steps, for one thing, and involves a lot of visualization, soul-searching and goal-setting. I admit that I get impatient and want results yesterday, but it was taking way too long to get to the part where I felt like I was getting something out of it. In my opinion, when you're dealing with people who have trouble accomplishing things, the last thing you want to do is give them a program that takes a long time to show results.
I think the book would have been more effective if he had put the program at the end, after he fully discusses the problem and his solution. I would even go so far as to recommend that you read the book all the way through before trying to follow the program. There is a lot of food for thought in it which needs to be digested before trying to run the course.
February 11, 2014
In a section of the book called "Defining Moments" the author writes:
"Besides death and birth, the onset of adult life surely qualifies as the big enchilada of all defining moments. Whatever else adulthood may represent, it signals the completion of the long apprenticeship, the end of the process of preparing to face the world on your own. Now it's time to make good on all that preparation." That's what this book is about. Another defining element would be the book's subtitle: Breaking The Habit of Adult Underachievement.
The author knows what he's talking about. Whip smart. Insightful. I'm sure a lot of us feel like we're not getting the most out of ourselves. This book teaches you how to turn that corner and hit on all cylinders.
The insights are painful sometimes. In that they just hit almost too close to home. I remember once I'd lost 35 pounds in a hurry. I'd just cut back on calories and exercised more. I remember being at a wedding where I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in months. So many of those people came up to me and asked how I'd lost the weight. When I told them 'eating less and exercising' their faces fell. It didn't take long to realize they wanted to hear about some easy "miracle" diet or exotic pill that would allow them to lose weight without effort. The notion of having to work at it made their brains go dead because they didn't want to work at it.
Compare that notion with the author's. He writes:
"For change to occur, you must take action. Holding external forces responsible for what has gone wrong only keeps you stuck. Your personal involvement in making change is inevitable and required. If you decide that change demands that you assume too much responsibility for your own behavior and that you don't want or need to behave so responsibly, you will not change."
He writes of 'knowing how to finish' and order:
"The things we allow to trail along behind us ride up in front of us later and obstruct our road."
About responsibility:
"Though it can be momentarily appealing to evade responsibility, doing so always costs you heavily. When you reduce personal responsibility, you reduce personal power and control and engender passivity....Rather than looking for ways to reduce responsibility, look for ways to embrace it and increase it."
About time:
"How you spend your time defines your existence. That does not mean that you have to hoard it. You can be generous with it. But when you give time, you give up a piece of your life."
So I'm giving up a piece of my life to write this review. :) But I'm writing it in hopes it might help someone, and for that matter, I know I've already achieved my hopes because it's helping me!
Check the book out. Google it. Wikipedia. Amazon. What have you. It's good. It's really good.
May 8, 2013
This is a highly encouraging book with a lot of good tools to work with. The author knows who he is writing to and structures his material and asides accordingly. This is definitely a book that I am going to acquire and work with. There is however one aspect that was a jarring departure from the rest of the book, especially given the author's level of education and intelligence. Any time there is a reference to anything written in the Bible, it is incompletely quoted and then twisted to mean something other then what is actually written.
One example of this is when the author references Peter walking on water. He uses it as an example of people who self-sabotage when they find themselves doing the spectacular. This misses the point on several counts. In the first place Peter does not get out of the boat until Jesus invites him to. He is then able to walk on the water until he takes his eyes off of Jesus and looks around, losing focus. That is when he starts to sink. He then looks back up and calls to Jesus for help, and Jesus immediately reaches out and lifts him back up.
So, the point is that Jesus invites those who want to go, into impossible tasks and projects that can only be accomplished in his strength. That and he doesn't leave us alone, even if we take our eyes off of him and start to sink, when we call to him he is there for us.
By the way, this also puts paid to the author's insinuations that the God of the Bible is petty and doesn't want people to excel, doing incredible things. Just the opposite in fact, it is when we are doing great things that we most accurately reflect who God is to those around us. It is actually stated in the Bible that God has meaningful and good, in the fullest sense of the word, works for us to do.
As mentioned there are a lot of quality tools, much encouragement, and insight to why people don't meet their potential. Just remember that any reference to the Bible is incomplete and has been twisted to mean what it doesn't.
In light of this I must revise my 5 star rating to a 4 star.
One example of this is when the author references Peter walking on water. He uses it as an example of people who self-sabotage when they find themselves doing the spectacular. This misses the point on several counts. In the first place Peter does not get out of the boat until Jesus invites him to. He is then able to walk on the water until he takes his eyes off of Jesus and looks around, losing focus. That is when he starts to sink. He then looks back up and calls to Jesus for help, and Jesus immediately reaches out and lifts him back up.
So, the point is that Jesus invites those who want to go, into impossible tasks and projects that can only be accomplished in his strength. That and he doesn't leave us alone, even if we take our eyes off of him and start to sink, when we call to him he is there for us.
By the way, this also puts paid to the author's insinuations that the God of the Bible is petty and doesn't want people to excel, doing incredible things. Just the opposite in fact, it is when we are doing great things that we most accurately reflect who God is to those around us. It is actually stated in the Bible that God has meaningful and good, in the fullest sense of the word, works for us to do.
As mentioned there are a lot of quality tools, much encouragement, and insight to why people don't meet their potential. Just remember that any reference to the Bible is incomplete and has been twisted to mean what it doesn't.
In light of this I must revise my 5 star rating to a 4 star.
December 17, 2015
I was pretty bored throughout this book. The first part over-explained the problem and became repetitious. The second part had some good ideas/steps to take. I didn't read the entire last part because it was like the first, too wordy.
January 14, 2014
Kinda interesting given all the work I do with writers who don't write.
February 27, 2023
One-sentence summary: this is a book about ADHD by someone who doesn't know they're writing about ADHD.
I have found a lot of the techniques and ideas in this book very useful over the years, and the general compassionate approach - "it's not your fault, but here's how we fix it" - was incredibly helpful to me in reframing how I treated my own struggles. However, because the author either doesn't know he's writing about ADHD or doesn't fully understand the condition (or perhaps even doesn't believe it exists), his advice and techniques fall down when they hit the wall of executive dysfunction.
There's a point beyond which the book succumbs to the fairly typical approach taken by people without ADHD when giving advice: "just do it". The actual suggested program is a multi-step nightmare for anyone with attention and concentration issues, and the fact that the author thinks everything he's talking about is a "habit" that can be untrained means that many people with ADHD are going to just fail when trying to follow his instructions and not understand why.
Nonetheless, it's still a book I find useful and would recommend with those caveats. The key thing to keep in mind is: the author believes that the problems he is describing are "habits" that can be unlearned (and once you've unlearned them, those things will no longer be difficult for you). That's never going to be the case if you have ADHD. Those things will always be difficult for you. This book has a lot of potentially useful ideas for managing them anyway. It would be a fantastic ADHD resource if it acknowledged or understood that.
I have found a lot of the techniques and ideas in this book very useful over the years, and the general compassionate approach - "it's not your fault, but here's how we fix it" - was incredibly helpful to me in reframing how I treated my own struggles. However, because the author either doesn't know he's writing about ADHD or doesn't fully understand the condition (or perhaps even doesn't believe it exists), his advice and techniques fall down when they hit the wall of executive dysfunction.
There's a point beyond which the book succumbs to the fairly typical approach taken by people without ADHD when giving advice: "just do it". The actual suggested program is a multi-step nightmare for anyone with attention and concentration issues, and the fact that the author thinks everything he's talking about is a "habit" that can be untrained means that many people with ADHD are going to just fail when trying to follow his instructions and not understand why.
Nonetheless, it's still a book I find useful and would recommend with those caveats. The key thing to keep in mind is: the author believes that the problems he is describing are "habits" that can be unlearned (and once you've unlearned them, those things will no longer be difficult for you). That's never going to be the case if you have ADHD. Those things will always be difficult for you. This book has a lot of potentially useful ideas for managing them anyway. It would be a fantastic ADHD resource if it acknowledged or understood that.
December 23, 2019
This is an intensive and practical course aimed mostly at "SLHPPs" - Self-Limiting, High Potential People - often people who (like myself) find early in life that success comes easily to them, and as a result stop trying so hard, and find later in life that they sabotage their own successes.
I found that the book started a bit slowly, and bloated with examples, presumably to get readers hyped and excited about the efficacy of the programme. Once onto specific exercises though, everthing starts to make sense. I can't confirm the effectiveness of these exercises - I'm only starting out on the journey - but they are comprehensive, interesting and cover all of the essential skills and meta-skills for achieving success: the skills of order, patience, deploying attention, repetition, persistence & tenacity, consistency, thoroughness, and finishing.
I found that the book started a bit slowly, and bloated with examples, presumably to get readers hyped and excited about the efficacy of the programme. Once onto specific exercises though, everthing starts to make sense. I can't confirm the effectiveness of these exercises - I'm only starting out on the journey - but they are comprehensive, interesting and cover all of the essential skills and meta-skills for achieving success: the skills of order, patience, deploying attention, repetition, persistence & tenacity, consistency, thoroughness, and finishing.
December 21, 2019
Started out a little shaky (hard to keep track of all the terms he made up for patterns of self sabotage), then had a solid core of practical advice, but in the last chapter the author decided to start calling people sluts, blaming them for mental health problems he considers insufficiently real, and suggesting that if you don't have enough money, well, just get out there and make some more. What the hell, dude?!
November 17, 2019
It was my first book on the subject (of gifted and underachieving adults). I think it was a good introduction to the theme. I specially liked the "categories" of underachievers presented by the author.
The second half of the book (the "actionable" part) is, essentially, about habit formation. Not bad, but there are better books on this subject.
The second half of the book (the "actionable" part) is, essentially, about habit formation. Not bad, but there are better books on this subject.
October 1, 2017
It is always pleasant to be told your strange thoughts are not so unusual and to have a label to which to lay claim. I will be working through the exercises at the end of the book, but I found the first part of the book to be very compelling.
November 4, 2017
一本寫的很好的勵志書, 書中把許多人(至少是我)面臨困難想脫逃的心情描述的很貼切, 也提供了很多有用的方法. 但重點當然是, 要改變自己面對事情的心態.
January 29, 2019
P40
有些人非常確定，也許現在還做不到，但等到「環境允許」法，他們就會行動。但環境的壓迫一波接著一波，因為種種原因，永遠都不是「最好的時機」。他們從來沒有放棄，只是從未「開始」。
有些人非常確定，也許現在還做不到，但等到「環境允許」法，他們就會行動。但環境的壓迫一波接著一波，因為種種原因，永遠都不是「最好的時機」。他們從來沒有放棄，只是從未「開始」。
May 7, 2021
This book really changed my perspective on things. Five stars.
November 6, 2020
If you are a high IQ loser, please read this book.
This book changed my mind on issues like organization and task lists and external achievement. I used to think these were cute little things for dumb people. I wasn’t smart enough to realize that this was precisely why I have a shitty job with shitty pay and therefore nobody listens to me (because people generally don’t listen to socioeconomic losers, for good reason).
It occurred to me that I don’t like my job, as easy as it is, and I need to get into something more challenging. That I am wasting my life, when I could be doing something much more interesting if I put in a little more work. That if I keep going at this rate I will inevitably commit suicide, and rationally speaking, if there’s a way to prevent this, I should do it. Which I chose to do. Suicide is dumb.
So I did a little searching.
I found that I’m weirdly interested in financial math.
I found that where I live, they pay a lot of money to people that are good at English and math.
I’m mediocre at math, but financial math is applied math — you don’t need to be a prodigy. You just need to be good enough. Maybe good enough is good enough. Maybe this is what I really wanted — to work hard at something and go to bed every night knowing I did my best. I can’t say for sure, but I feel really good, and what more can you ask for?
I do math and it’s fun and I get up in the morning feeling alive. It’s not even my main talent but I don’t care because I enjoy the challenge. If this isn’t at least some minor version of a blessed life, I really don’t know what would qualify.
So anyways, if you are a high IQ loser, please read this book.
This book changed my mind on issues like organization and task lists and external achievement. I used to think these were cute little things for dumb people. I wasn’t smart enough to realize that this was precisely why I have a shitty job with shitty pay and therefore nobody listens to me (because people generally don’t listen to socioeconomic losers, for good reason).
It occurred to me that I don’t like my job, as easy as it is, and I need to get into something more challenging. That I am wasting my life, when I could be doing something much more interesting if I put in a little more work. That if I keep going at this rate I will inevitably commit suicide, and rationally speaking, if there’s a way to prevent this, I should do it. Which I chose to do. Suicide is dumb.
So I did a little searching.
I found that I’m weirdly interested in financial math.
I found that where I live, they pay a lot of money to people that are good at English and math.
I’m mediocre at math, but financial math is applied math — you don’t need to be a prodigy. You just need to be good enough. Maybe good enough is good enough. Maybe this is what I really wanted — to work hard at something and go to bed every night knowing I did my best. I can’t say for sure, but I feel really good, and what more can you ask for?
I do math and it’s fun and I get up in the morning feeling alive. It’s not even my main talent but I don’t care because I enjoy the challenge. If this isn’t at least some minor version of a blessed life, I really don’t know what would qualify.
So anyways, if you are a high IQ loser, please read this book.
September 7, 2015
Although I normally don't pick up these types of books, my interest in psychology combined with the title caught my attention.
After I brought it home and read through it, I realized I could apply several finer points to my own life, such as better organization between time-lining events, creating better/achievable short-term goals and even scheduling my free time. It sounds exhausting, but I found I was able to achieve much more in a standard week than if I merely "coasted" through this free time.
Although the book is aimed at a large target audience, I think anyone who opens this book can learn something useful from it. It's not merely just a pep talk: it teaches and instills basic techniques that help you be the best you can become when you take the activities seriously.
One regret I had was that I borrowed the text from the library. Although I made some good notes, I wished I could have studied it closer and more unrushed.
After I brought it home and read through it, I realized I could apply several finer points to my own life, such as better organization between time-lining events, creating better/achievable short-term goals and even scheduling my free time. It sounds exhausting, but I found I was able to achieve much more in a standard week than if I merely "coasted" through this free time.
Although the book is aimed at a large target audience, I think anyone who opens this book can learn something useful from it. It's not merely just a pep talk: it teaches and instills basic techniques that help you be the best you can become when you take the activities seriously.
One regret I had was that I borrowed the text from the library. Although I made some good notes, I wished I could have studied it closer and more unrushed.
June 22, 2015
A very good book. I recognized myself in the "floater/coaster" type. (Now I wanted to write that I'll try to work through the 15 tasks, but that wouldn't be language of an achiever. :)) I will do the exercises, but I find some of them too new-agey (too much visualization and affirmations for my taste). But it was good to get me fired up and thinking about my goals and life in general.
April 13, 2016
I think the book has great ideas, the trouble is the execution of them for the targeted audience. Might be good to do in conjunction with a group or in therapy, which is suggested in the text. The quote sources are overused, and religious beliefs are sprinkled in a bit haphazardly... and forced.
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January 3, 2010Psychology,Self Help
August 23, 2014
A worthwhile read. I intend to return to earlier chapters and do the activities.
June 6, 2014
Enjoying it a lot so far!!!
January 18, 2015
the projects are helpful for the most part. some of the questions odd but i perservered...twice. and in the end, it worked.
December 16, 2014
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August 11, 2019
這本書很大地幫助我釐清自己到底是什麼樣的人，為什麼一直都覺得沒有成就感，為什麼一直有一種駐足不前的感覺，我想我會試著使用書中了介紹的方式，讓自己每天都能進步一些。
February 19, 2022
我決定叫他「生存自救手冊」
強烈推薦所有國高中生看！
捨不得看完的一本書
強烈推薦所有國高中生看！
捨不得看完的一本書
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews