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The Accidental Assassin: An Island, A Poodle, A Body . . .
When gang warfare breaks out on the Isle of Wight, Victor Green, tax inspector and poet, unexpectedly solves the mystery
Victor Green is 37, unmarried, and works at the tax office. He lives alone and is the sort of man who irons his underpants. When Victor receives a letter from the council telling him to prune a lime tree in his front garden, he is anxious to oblige, although he is not much of a gardener and does not like heights. A disgruntled pigeon startles him and he falls from the tree, landing on a passerby—and the victim happens to be gangster Tommy Hewson, generally known as Gruesome. The local paper misprints Victor's name, calling him Vincent Green, the name used by an international hit-man. Expecting a turf war, two local gangs embark on a campaign of destruction—each calling on the hapless Victor/Vincent to help. Inheriting Gruesome's poodle, Fluffy, dubbed the Angel of Death, and pursued by a policeman's daughter, Victor's life is turned upside down. Making friends and enemies along the way, as well as leaving a trail of bodies in his wake, Victor's thrilling adventure will appeal to all crime fiction fans and leave readers laughing out loud.
Victor Green is 37, unmarried, and works at the tax office. He lives alone and is the sort of man who irons his underpants. When Victor receives a letter from the council telling him to prune a lime tree in his front garden, he is anxious to oblige, although he is not much of a gardener and does not like heights. A disgruntled pigeon startles him and he falls from the tree, landing on a passerby—and the victim happens to be gangster Tommy Hewson, generally known as Gruesome. The local paper misprints Victor's name, calling him Vincent Green, the name used by an international hit-man. Expecting a turf war, two local gangs embark on a campaign of destruction—each calling on the hapless Victor/Vincent to help. Inheriting Gruesome's poodle, Fluffy, dubbed the Angel of Death, and pursued by a policeman's daughter, Victor's life is turned upside down. Making friends and enemies along the way, as well as leaving a trail of bodies in his wake, Victor's thrilling adventure will appeal to all crime fiction fans and leave readers laughing out loud.
224 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
June 7, 2013
Fun, silly summer read. Often laughed out loud at the absurdity of it!
July 31, 2013
This was a pretty fun, light read. I read it because it was supposed to be a humorous mystery, but I would say it is more amusing than funny.
June 13, 2023
I really enjoyed this book.
It is a good read with a very witty storyline involving a harmless man named Victor Green who is mistaken for a hitman. Gangster fun and all kinds of clever mishaps occur to the gang members from 'The Pretty Boys' and 'The Blues Brothers', two gangs that operate on the Isle of Wight - brilliant.
Unbeknown to Victor, he is always in the vicinity with his adopted poodle (another funny story), when the gang members meet their maker.
Poor Victor thinks he is the bees knees when he is asked to model by Delores, a beautiful artist.
'Victor you have the most interesting face and a well, rather Aubrey Beardsley aura' Said Delores.
'Really?' exclaims Victor, perhaps Beardsley was a Greek god.
When I finished the book I researched Beardsley and no he was not a Greek god, he was described as 'grotesque, whose sexuality was in question'. Hilarious! Poor Victor.
It's so refreshing to find a well written comedy crime story. Just brilliant.
I highly recommend this book.
It is a good read with a very witty storyline involving a harmless man named Victor Green who is mistaken for a hitman. Gangster fun and all kinds of clever mishaps occur to the gang members from 'The Pretty Boys' and 'The Blues Brothers', two gangs that operate on the Isle of Wight - brilliant.
Unbeknown to Victor, he is always in the vicinity with his adopted poodle (another funny story), when the gang members meet their maker.
Poor Victor thinks he is the bees knees when he is asked to model by Delores, a beautiful artist.
'Victor you have the most interesting face and a well, rather Aubrey Beardsley aura' Said Delores.
'Really?' exclaims Victor, perhaps Beardsley was a Greek god.
When I finished the book I researched Beardsley and no he was not a Greek god, he was described as 'grotesque, whose sexuality was in question'. Hilarious! Poor Victor.
It's so refreshing to find a well written comedy crime story. Just brilliant.
I highly recommend this book.
March 8, 2017
A very quick and entertaining read. Milksop Victor Greene falls out of a tree he's being pressured to cut back onto an enforcer of a local crime family, killing him instantly and rendering the man's poodle orphaned and Victor feels obliged to adopt the dog. Thanks to some inaccurate news reporting of the local Isle of Wight paper, Victor is turned into Vincent Verdi, a high-class hitman, and begins receiving payment as well as further commissions. Victor has no clue what to do with the checks or the instructions ("Next time use a gun.") unless it has to do with the tax ramifications, which is his real line of work. His cachet of being dangerous lures Charity, the daughter of a neighboring policeman, to his side. Romance is thrust upon him, giving Charity's father, Alan, a little more space to lead his own life without having to eat Charity's vegetarian fare.
The heads and shoulders of the two main crime families on the Isle of Wight are out of the country or in prison, leaving the youngest sons to get on with enlarging or defending their crime territories. And no matter what they do, and what Victor does, someone dies. But first they are bitten on the leg by a poodle, the unkindest cut of all.
Expect romance and crazy situations. Good for a laugh.
The heads and shoulders of the two main crime families on the Isle of Wight are out of the country or in prison, leaving the youngest sons to get on with enlarging or defending their crime territories. And no matter what they do, and what Victor does, someone dies. But first they are bitten on the leg by a poodle, the unkindest cut of all.
Expect romance and crazy situations. Good for a laugh.
August 31, 2012
‘The Accidental Assassin’ by Jan Toms
Published by The History Press, 25 July 2011. ISBN: 978-0-7524-6270-7
Victor Green works for the tax office, thirty-seven and unmarried Victor is nervous of most things particularly authority, so when he receives a letter from the Council telling him to cut back his trees which are overhanging the road, Victor gets out the ladder. Not happy with heights, a bird fluttering in his face and Victor falls killing a man passing beneath him, who was walking his poodle.
Reports of the incident in the in the local paper identify him as Vincent Green but Victor is not too concerned as returning to work he is for the first time centre of attention – a novelty for Victor. The subsequent arrival of a cheque for £20’000 payable to V Green has Victor mystified, but with no return address, just an unsigned note with the words ‘ Be more discreet next time’.
Eventually the victim is named as Tommy Hewson, known as ‘Gruesome Hewson’. This information is conveyed to him by his local bobby Constable Alan Grimes, who tells Victor that he has done the community a service as Gruesome was part of one of the gangland mafia. He gives Victor some background on the two gangs the Pretty Boys and the Blues Brothers who both started their lives in South London and subsequently moved to the Isle of Wight. The whole thing alarms Victor so much that Alan has left before he remembered the cheque.
Soon Victor is caught up in the gang warfare unaware that both gangs think that he is the Vincent Green, the name used by international hit-man Vincenzo Verdi. As the two gangs try to take each other out hapless Victor is constantly in the wrong or maybe the right place at the wrong time, leaving innocently a trail of bodies behind him. And when a lady takes an interest in him Victor is initially transported, but be careful what you wish for.
Jan has created some marvellous characters, Alan Grimes close to retirement and recently widowed, his daughter Charity who feels it’s her mission feed him lentils to keep him healthy, The Blue Brothers, Reggie, Randy and Dodge, and the Pretty Boys - Harry, Garry, and Barry, not to mention Fluffy the poodle. A fun read had me laughing out loud.
------
Lizzie Hayes
Published by The History Press, 25 July 2011. ISBN: 978-0-7524-6270-7
Victor Green works for the tax office, thirty-seven and unmarried Victor is nervous of most things particularly authority, so when he receives a letter from the Council telling him to cut back his trees which are overhanging the road, Victor gets out the ladder. Not happy with heights, a bird fluttering in his face and Victor falls killing a man passing beneath him, who was walking his poodle.
Reports of the incident in the in the local paper identify him as Vincent Green but Victor is not too concerned as returning to work he is for the first time centre of attention – a novelty for Victor. The subsequent arrival of a cheque for £20’000 payable to V Green has Victor mystified, but with no return address, just an unsigned note with the words ‘ Be more discreet next time’.
Eventually the victim is named as Tommy Hewson, known as ‘Gruesome Hewson’. This information is conveyed to him by his local bobby Constable Alan Grimes, who tells Victor that he has done the community a service as Gruesome was part of one of the gangland mafia. He gives Victor some background on the two gangs the Pretty Boys and the Blues Brothers who both started their lives in South London and subsequently moved to the Isle of Wight. The whole thing alarms Victor so much that Alan has left before he remembered the cheque.
Soon Victor is caught up in the gang warfare unaware that both gangs think that he is the Vincent Green, the name used by international hit-man Vincenzo Verdi. As the two gangs try to take each other out hapless Victor is constantly in the wrong or maybe the right place at the wrong time, leaving innocently a trail of bodies behind him. And when a lady takes an interest in him Victor is initially transported, but be careful what you wish for.
Jan has created some marvellous characters, Alan Grimes close to retirement and recently widowed, his daughter Charity who feels it’s her mission feed him lentils to keep him healthy, The Blue Brothers, Reggie, Randy and Dodge, and the Pretty Boys - Harry, Garry, and Barry, not to mention Fluffy the poodle. A fun read had me laughing out loud.
------
Lizzie Hayes
October 20, 2014
The Accidental Assassin by Jan Toms
Recommended for: People who like Donald Westlake, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels," and "Noises Off."
The Accidental Assassin by Jan Toms is a farce -- a beautiful, elegantly woven, farce. I loved it.
I picked up the book on a whim because it was on sale. Now, I want to buy a copy for half the people I know because it's so much fun.
Victor Green is a mild-mannered civil servant. He falls out of a tree and happens to kill a mobster. Therein starts the fun. Victor is a quiet little milquetoast of a man. He has very little sense of adventure and stammers when he gets nervous. He adopts the mobster's dog in remorse for killing the poor dog's master.
Then he gets a random check with a small slip of paper. He's suddenly 20,000 pounds richer. And has no idea what to do next.
Soon enough there's another death and another check. Victor's got a girlfriend who's the Constable's daughter. There's a love story in the midst of the gathering gang war. Poor Victor's in the middle -- not quite sure how he got there -- and trying to figure out what seems to be a horrible misunderstanding.
It's a happily ever after with bullets and poodles. I really don't want to say too much more because to reveal it is to ruin it.
Definitely read it though.
Cross-posted on A Gaming Girl's Take on Life
Recommended for: People who like Donald Westlake, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels," and "Noises Off."
The Accidental Assassin by Jan Toms is a farce -- a beautiful, elegantly woven, farce. I loved it.
I picked up the book on a whim because it was on sale. Now, I want to buy a copy for half the people I know because it's so much fun.
Victor Green is a mild-mannered civil servant. He falls out of a tree and happens to kill a mobster. Therein starts the fun. Victor is a quiet little milquetoast of a man. He has very little sense of adventure and stammers when he gets nervous. He adopts the mobster's dog in remorse for killing the poor dog's master.
Then he gets a random check with a small slip of paper. He's suddenly 20,000 pounds richer. And has no idea what to do next.
Soon enough there's another death and another check. Victor's got a girlfriend who's the Constable's daughter. There's a love story in the midst of the gathering gang war. Poor Victor's in the middle -- not quite sure how he got there -- and trying to figure out what seems to be a horrible misunderstanding.
It's a happily ever after with bullets and poodles. I really don't want to say too much more because to reveal it is to ruin it.
Definitely read it though.
Cross-posted on A Gaming Girl's Take on Life
April 16, 2014
Meet Victor Green, a bit of a nerd: he works in the local tax office, has no dress sense, is single and has no girlfriend. Falling out of a tree he was pruning he lands on a passerby killing him, only to discover later that the victim was a member of a criminal gang. This is the first in a series of unfortunate incidents in which he finds himself, each involving a member of two rival gangs of criminals.
This is a comic caper which moves along quite briskly, but didn't honestly have me "laughing out loud" as promised on the cover of the book. Having said that, it is mildly amusing, with characters names like Mauler Maguire, Groping Joe and Gruesome Hewson. My main criticism is that much of the book is narrative, with very little dialogue, so there's no sparkling banter between characters, none of whom is particularly likeable. I'm not sure that there is any significance to setting the action on the Isle of Wight as I think it could quite easily have been set anywhere. It would probably make quite a good movie in the style of Guy Ricthie's "Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch".
Would I look for future novels by Jan Toms? Probably not.
This is a comic caper which moves along quite briskly, but didn't honestly have me "laughing out loud" as promised on the cover of the book. Having said that, it is mildly amusing, with characters names like Mauler Maguire, Groping Joe and Gruesome Hewson. My main criticism is that much of the book is narrative, with very little dialogue, so there's no sparkling banter between characters, none of whom is particularly likeable. I'm not sure that there is any significance to setting the action on the Isle of Wight as I think it could quite easily have been set anywhere. It would probably make quite a good movie in the style of Guy Ricthie's "Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch".
Would I look for future novels by Jan Toms? Probably not.
July 23, 2015
This tongue-in-cheek murder mystery is all British humor. The plot fits the title as there are several accidental murders / deaths and the unwitting "hero" is thought to be the notorious assassin. There are numerous deaths, a poodle, two kittens, a sexy snoop who is also the daughter of the police detective, and a mob gang war, and the accidental assassin. You'll chuckle, laugh, and scratch your head at the crazy, zany plot. Enjoy.
February 18, 2012
My first time reading with an ereader so perhaps that was more of the novelty than the book itself. I liked the dictionary so easily accessible and just a little flick to turn the page! stSstory was a little silly.
June 18, 2016
I came across this one by accident when I was looking for a book to read. In my opinion I felt the book was an enjoyable read, a lot of twists and turns but I felt it was rushed towards the end. However it was a fun read and I would read the book again.
Read
April 15, 2012Fantastic little book! Laughed out loud many many times - would definitely recommend for someone looking for a light read.
February 14, 2013
Great fun, the body count increases!
January 12, 2014
Thoroughly enjoyed this book, it had me laughing out loud and I loved the ending!
July 2, 2018
Very good
It was fun and exciting. None of the characters were what would expect. I honestly wish there was more to read.
It was fun and exciting. None of the characters were what would expect. I honestly wish there was more to read.
April 27, 2017
A comedy of errors. Mistaken identities, secret sleuthing, family and the ever changing nature of life all criss-cross this story.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews