The Truth About Butterflies: A Memoir

by Nancy Stephan

They belong to each other, Nancy and Nicole—mother and daughter. They’re two halves of a whole, two facets of the same breath—until the day Nicole exhales. . . and never inhales again.After the death of her daughter, and quickly losing her own battle with grief, Nancy moves from the house she can no longer bear to live in. While packing, she finds a box in the attic. Inside she uncovers treasures she didn’t know existed and evidence that her and her daughter’s lives had been more divinely entwined than she could’ve imagined.The Truth About Butterflies is a true story of grief, hope, and transformation, and a single enduring Life cannot be restrained by death.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Grief, Biography Memoir, Autobiography, Death

162 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 11, 2011

Reviews

[Nancy Stephan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wrote it, read it, and gave it two thumbs up.

[Kathleen Pooler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so moved by Nancy Stephan's The Truth About Butterflies that when I finished reading it, I had to take some time to write the review.This is a gripping story of a young single mother whose only child, a daughter, Nicole is diagnosed with juvenile diabetes and ultimately succumbs to end-stage renal disease. It is a story that will linger long after the book is finished.
Well-written and well-crafted, Nancy starts the story with her own childhood challenges of her mother's death and her eventual placement in a foster home but she makes it clear in the first chapter that "this is Nicole's story" as well as their story together. Her ability to seamlessly weave in the backstory of her ethnic identity confusion, having been raised by a white mother and sent to live with a black family with present day challenges of dealing with Nicole's independent and risk-taking personality is impressive. The characters come alive on the page and I could instantly relate through her reflection and introspection to Nancy's angst and concern for her impulsive and free-spirited daughter. I became locked in time with this mother and daughter as they traversed so many challenges, including jail time for Nicole in the midst of her medical emergencies. As a health care provider, I was appalled at the insensitive treatment Nicole and Nancy received, especially at the end-of-life which added to the burden of losing a daughter at such a young age.
As is characteristic of all notable memoirs, Nancy invites us into a deeply painful experience with raw and gripping honesty then takes us through her eventual healing and transformation so that at the end, we feel satisfied and consoled. Above all, it is a beautiful love story between a mother and daughter. A stunning read worthy of widespread acclaim.

[Cherry Echols · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard to explain how I can love this book when it deals with such a difficult topic. I listened to this book on my Kindle using the text to voice, and I couldn't get out of the car because I had to keep listening.

This book explains the ugly truth about grief and how it can destroy people, but also how our spiritual bonds to those we love are not broken by death. With the recent loss of both my parents, I'm filled with hope and peace and so many of my own questions have been answered. I recommend this book to everyone.

I received this book in a giveaway.

[Dierdra McGill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a non fiction book, and I point this out because some reviewers do not seem to realize this, about a women who loses her only child at 26. Part of the story is about her grief and how she got past her grief and part of it was about the authors childhood and growing up in foster care after her mom passed away.
The story is touching and very real. It will break your heart but also make you smile. I am so happy for the Nancy Stephan and being able to move on with her life and write this book about her grief. It will help others find peace after losing a loved one.
I hope you are continuing to do well Nancy and thank you so much for the book.

[Ezi Chinny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read books because I want happy endings and an escape from real life. This book was the real life that I am hiding from. The story was well written, and it was easy to read...the topic was the difficult part for me.

This is a story about a mother who was grieving the loss of her only child. Nancy's daughter, Nicole had been suffering from juvenile diabetes since age 8. The story begins while Nancy is making preparations to move Nicole to a hospice. Nancy begins to open up to the reader what a typical day in her life was like. The hospital trips, the talks with her daughter, her fears and her faith that GOD can heal and restore her only daughter to her. It was sad, yet gripping. It was honest, yet brutal at times. It was painful, yet encouraging.

This book felt like how I would imagine watching a woman trying not to drown (I've never actually seen anyone drown) and actually surviving. It was hard for me as a new mother but I was amazed at her faith in God. I recommend this book to anyone who has faced a loss or tragedy and they need someone to let them know that they will make it. Sometimes you need to hear that and I think this book is one of those encouraging voices.

The parts of the story that I really enjoyed was learning of her upbringing. I found myself laughing when her friend told her that she wasn't black or white, she was a "mixperado". Kids have such cute ways of looking that the world. I liked her foster mother, Erma Lee. She really handled Nancy with the best care she could, given what she had. I could imagine people talking with the southern drawl and dilect that would lead to the pronounciation of Cirrhosis as "sir-roaches". Her childhood was hard, especially being a ward of the state, but it built up the spirit of a survivor.
I think that is the lesson the author was trying to impart. We can weather the hardest storms of life, if we hold on to our faith.


*I was given a copy of this book by the author Nancy Stephan"

[FeralGreenKat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book from a Goodreads First Reads giveaway. Thank you, Nancy, for getting it to me so promptly! With a couple of others I have ahead of this book on my queue, I decided to skip yours up to the front of the line.

What an inspiring read this was! Nancy Stephan has truly been through what most of us could never possibly imagine, only to come out on the other side with hope. It must have been cathartic to write this memoir and tell her story and that of her daughter. This book is a quick read and Ms. Stephan gives a great amount of detail, truly illustrating the scenes, which is sometimes a wonderful thing, and sometimes devastating. The only negative critique I could add is that because chronologically she bounced around quite a lot, occasionally it was difficult to determine WHEN she was describing. However, this book was truly inspiring, full of faith, and comes to a beautiful conclusion, leaving me with a peaceful feeling as it ended. Thank you for sharing your emotional journey with us.

[Shiwani · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just got this today in the mail, I won it via the Goodreads FirstReads program. I got it very promptly, thank you Nancy!

I started reading it today, the preface itself got me crying. I have already read the first two chapters, and I am eager to finish it. Its going to be a tough one, but I'll get thru it.

I commend Nancy already! I can't wait to finish it. I will update again once I finish it.

Cheers!

[Shelly Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

cannot believe i got this free on amazon. i neglected work and sleep for 2 days to finish it, it was that absorbing. i think as a nurse it was good for me to read this, shows the other side of the story of people who just can't let their loved ones go when all us medical people can clearly see it's time to stop. a sad story but ultimately uplifting. Christian (in the best and truest sense), spiritual but not religious or preachy.

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW – I was speechless when I finished reading this book and then I had to pause before I could breathe again! What an incredible story and I commend the author for sharing this very personal journey with the world.

There are a few things that stuck with me long after I finished reading. I cannot imagine the pain Nancy felt when she lost her daughter but I can empathize with her feelings of being able to share her last moments. Having been with my brother when he took his last breath, it is hard to imagine such a beautiful moment amid a sea of sorrow. I felt blessed to have been there when he “crossed over” so I totally understand how she felt grateful that despite everything, she was able to say goodbye the way she wanted to, not the way doctors were trying to force her too.

I admire her courage, strength and determination for standing up to the medical world. At a time when families are so vulnerable, doctors should be more empathetic. Having worked as a health care aid, I have seen families struggle with the same issues and when they need support the most, there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching families being forced to make “the right” decision without the right people at their side.

I noticed some readers complaining about the religious aspect of the book, but it was such an important aspect of the story that needs to be featured. It shows how incredible faith helped Nancy and her daughter get through this process and I believe the author recognized that and it was part of the story that needed to be told. So many people struggle through these things and fail to recognize a higher power at work, no matter what they believe and that higher power should be acknowledged and celebrated no matter who it is – God, Jesus or Buddah and people tend to forget that. I believe that acknowledged or not – if she had not had her faith (even if it ever faltered) it was ultimately what got her through this process and the moment she “gave up” that is when God came in and took over – it could not have been more obvious.

My deepest condolences to you Nancy – thank you for bravely sharing your story and letting us get to know your beautiful daughter. Whenever I see a butterfly, I will be thinking of your story, just like I am pretty confident that whenever you see a butterfly, Nicole is saying hello!

Marianne Curtis
Author
Finding Gloria
Moondust and Madness: A collection of Poetry
Finding Gloria ~ Special Edition
Behind Whispering Pines
Brian's Last Ride

[Val · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most amazing book. I could not put it down. Stephan covers it all from the death and grief over losing her only daughter to juvenile diabetes and the complications that come from the disease to racial strife to the often cruel and cold medical personnel that oversaw her daughter's treatment. On the flip side, her stirring prose gave readers a reason to believe in some other medical attendants and the wonderful people who operate hospice facilities. Although the topic is grim, it is infused with light and power and light and the faith in an almighty God that sees us through the most trying times in our life. It is about giving up and giving in and letting go yet it is also about strength and persistence of the spirit and soul. What a fabulous, wonderful, inspiring book. I absolutely love this book and can see clearly why Ms. Stephan received the Georgia GAYA prize. Stephan is a wordsmith, a lyricist and a most wonderful, loving mother. This is as poignant as any novel, yet is even more stark as you realize it is a true story of a woman who learned to say goodbye to her own mother as a young child, and then learned how to say goodbye to the beautiful young woman who was her daughter. And learned how to do it elegantly, beautifully. I highly recommend this book to mothers, fathers, southerners, black, white, well, sick and to both the faithful and discouraged.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Truth about Butterflies is a heartfelt story of a mother and daughter, a story of life's challenges and a story of loss. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child. But Nancy shares the joy of raising her only precious daughter... and of losing her, first to her daughter's rebellion, then to death. My emotions were up and down throughout the book. I felt the joy when Nicole was born, I felt the pain when Nicole was "lost," I felt the sadness when Nicole took her last breath.

Nancy told her story with painful openness and honesty. She didn't withhold the things Nicole did to herself during her "lost" period or the pain of seeing her laying on the hospital bed not knowing if she could hear her. I love this in a memoir because it allows you to connect with the emotions of the author. I highly recommend this book for any audience!

Disclaimer: Nancy provided me with a free copy of this book for the purpose of review.

[J Corcoran · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! The sequence everything is told is perfect in order to draw you right in and keep a little suspence there. The book just has so much in it. I feel like I want more. I was able to see how the compassion of some and the cruelty of others affected their lives. I saw the deep faith and how much a part of their lives was enhanced by it. The last dream described in the book was truely wonderful. How amazing to have experienced such a thing. It's not very often that you find a book like this that has so much to give. It gives more than just entertainment. It's thought provoking, spiritual. Of course it would be ideal for a book club pick. I do want to share it with friends because I do want to talk to others about it. I do imagine a very tall, beautiful butterfly flying around.

[Louise Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

thanks to Nancy for my free copy of her first novel. i am not particularly adept at reviewing, but here is what i thought. the subject matter is so personal, i am in awe that the author was able to actually translate it to paper. i would like to have heard a bit more about nicole's personality and how it was shaped by her illness...though some of that was there, i would like to have been able to relate more to her. like another review i read, i really enjoyed hearing about nancy's own childhood, which helped me to understand how she managed her personal crisis and her response after her daughter's death. this was not an easy read, subject wise, but a very accessible personal story which i enjoyed.

[Laura Beasley · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a good book. The author is an amazing person. She has gone through so much in her life and then her faith has still reaminded strong. As a mother my heart broke as I read about Nicole's struggles. As a mother I can not imagine anything harder than losing a child. Nancy did a wonderful job of telling about her life and this book would be so helpful to peole going thr the same struggles she went thru. SHe has a gift for writing.

[Rev. Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book in exchange for a written review. I love reading memoirs. Let's see if it holds my attention....


Not at all what I expected. Very engaging story! During the Preface and the first three chapters, I felt there were a lot of starts and stops, meaning I wish the author would have stayed in the moment a little longer. Once she found her rhythm, her story takes you on wild ride of emotions.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! I cried several times while reading this book, really pulled at my heartstrings. Stephan did an incredible job of making the reader feel what she was feeling through out the loss of her daughter and the trials and tribulations she went through growing up. Highly recommend this book!!!!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing story of strength and faith! Makes you realize that the things you think are hard - someone is going through so much more. We all take so much for granted and we never know when we will go Home.

[Melissa B · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart-warming, heart-wrenching book. Get the tissues and settle in for a good read

[MaryJane Rings · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is true story of a young woman facing motherhood too young but having a good support system from her foster parents. I was saddened by the callousness of her own relatives who chose to give her up to foster care for being biracial after her mother died. The author has overcome tremendous odds as a single mother with a child who develops juvenile diabetes and has so many set backs until she is claimed by renal failure at 27 years old. The mother's faith sustained her even when she faced obstacles from a purely callous and clinical medical profession who saw this young girl as only a number on their case load. The choices both mother and daughter make are so insightful never losing faith in God even when the odds are against them. It was a book and story which touched me deeply. I will remember Nicole and her mother and their love for one another and keep this book to remind me that love is forever and no obstacle is so big that we can't face it with God's help.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so incredibly heartbreaking. No parent plans to lose a child, and Stephan puts the pain into a book focusing on some great memories of her life and her daughter's time with her. I was blown away by the raw honesty found in so many places.

Stephan is a good writer with a solid understanding of how to write a powerful memoir. I often felt like I was sitting with her in those hospital rooms sharing her pain. The book takes you into the depth of what having a sick child feels like (her daughter eventually passed away from complications caused by juvenile diabetes). She gives an honest look at what the medical community looked like to her from the side of a parent with a dying child.

It isn't an easy read. Not because Stephan does anything wrong, but rather because the book is just so sad. I enjoyed reading her story even if my heart was crushed by the end.

[Marsha Graham · Rating 2 out of 5]

The look into the lives of black Americans actually meant more to me than much of this memoir. I'm not Christian so that part wasn't terribly meaningful. However, a sick child - of any age - and an anguished parent is something any parent can relate to. The coldness of medical professionals who learn to block out compassion in order to survive the work they do was also generally spot on - as was the compassion of a special breed of nurses who make the lives of patients with serious or terminal illnesses (and their families) endurable. Not a bad read. Not spectacular. Helped me pass time while I was waiting.

[Karen Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sharing your story. I felt like I got to know both you and Nicole through your book. You are an incredible, amazing person that has gone through more than most will ever know in this lifetime. God Bless you and Nicole. I am sure she is always with you.
I lost my mother last year and am still battling the everyday grief of her loss, yet I pray each and every day that she is happy and whole and pain free.
Blessings to you.

[Tonya Braun · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this knowing it was a story about a mother who loses her daughter and then when I got to the part where she says her daughter had type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, I paused. As the mother of a child with type 1, I wasn't sure I could continue, but I'm so glad I did. It was a lovely story of a mother's loss & how brave her daughter was. A great story of a loving mother/daughter relationship.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book. After losing my 6 year old Goddaughter/Niece this summer this was very comforting. The Monarch Butterfly is a major symbol in our family. We all truly believe that she is now one. I will be sharing this with my friend and sister as comfort in her time of grief. Thank Nancy for writing a wonderful memoir!

[Jessica Ashe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! I would have given it 4.5 stars, but since Goodreads only allows full stars, I will give it 5! You can truly feel Nancy Stephan & every emotion she expresses in this heartfelt memoir! It is one of those books that once you start reading you won't be able to put it down. I commend Nancy for her steady faith during all her time of trouble; she never lost sight of the Lord.

[Trudy L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone has a story, but not everyone is capable of telling it. Ms. Stephan eloquently shares her story and that of her amazing daughter, Nicole, and their journey together. I was touched by her honesty as well as her willingness to bare her deepest pain. I laughed and cried as I read, and am blessed to have been allowed a peek into their lives.

[L. Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Truth about Butterflies by Nancy Stephen was a wonderful read. I laughed, I cried and found myself literally thrown into the pages of this book! A must read!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brought me to tears and moved me emotionally more than any other book!

[Laura Gerber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book I couldn't put it down. Thank you

[Therese · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nancy is a single mother raising her only daughter, Nicole who has been diagnosed with juvenile onset diabetes when she was 9 years old. Nancy had an early exposure to death when her mother died while she was still a young girl. I couldn’t understand why her relatives gave up this little girl to be raised in the foster system because she was biracial, but it happened. Nancy appreciated her foster family that were supportive of her, at least when she was little. We are never told of how long she stayed with them or whether they remained in her life after. Nancy had Nicole when she was only 14, and they seemingly only had each other. It was hard to read how alone Nancy was, especially when Nicole was so sick. It didn’t help that so much of the hospital staff actually blamed Nicole telling Nancy that Nicole was doing this on purpose. Nancy needed TLC and not rubbish like that. Her faith sustained her although after losing Nicole she didn’t think she would be able to continue or carry on. I can’t imagine how Nancy went through all this, and I can only applaud her for putting it down on paper and sharing it with the rest of this. I would have liked more story about Nicole and Nancy herself because it seemed like this was more a patchwork of events, mostly revolving around the death of her mother and then the death of her daughter.