My first Yourcenar since immersing myself in her Hadrian. Inevitably, his shadow haunted these pages. But I was not the only one who made it so. It was Yourcenar herself who ensured it. The protagonists of her two most well-known works, Hadrian and Zeno, pop up throughout these essays, as stray thoughts remind her of the whys and hows of how they came to be. It seems that Yourcenar kept them just under the surface of her maelstrom of thoughts across the years, and seemed to understand that her readers would as well. I thought it was a nice way of honoring the reason that many people would pick up these essays in an organic way, of establishing a bond between author and reader.
But Hadrian is not the focus here. Enough of what I loved about that volume is still here: the wounds, raw and healed over, the meditations, the quiet wisdom of years, and the immediate and sometimes indignant passion.
I think my favorite continuity between the two pieces, however, was Yourcenar's dedication to beauty, the wonder and awe that she was able to bring to life in both small and epic ways, just as she did in the Memoirs. Perhaps the best example of this is the "prose poem" she writes to Michelangelo- from his perspective, from those of what we take to be his subjects, viewers and students. It simultaneously offers a dose of odd reality jolted into the marbles of Michel Ange, and a reminder of the reasons behind why it is so easy to fall in love with that beauty to begin with:
"To love someone is not only to want that person to live, it is also be astonished when he ceases to live, as if death were something unnatural. And yet, being is a more astonishing miracle than non-being; if you think about it, it is before the living that one must bow and kneel, as before an altar. I suppose nature gets tired of resisting nothingness, just as man tires of resisting the enticements of chaos. In my existence, which, as I grow older, is plunged into more and more crepuscular periods, I have continually seen the forms of perfect life strive to give way to others more simple, closer to primitive humility, in the way that mud is older than granite, and whoever carves statues only hastens, after all, the crumbling of mountains. The bronze of my father's tomb becomes coated with verdigris in the courtyard of the village church; the picture of that youth of Florence will begin to flake off the vault I have painted; the poems I wrote for the woman I loved will, in a few years, no longer be understood- and for poems that is a form of death. The wish to immobilize life is the sculptor's damnation."
She also offers small, hors d'oeuvre sized, slightly off-kilter and random thoughts in Written in a Garden, isolated notes, played and heard and record, I would imagine, over the course of an entire season. My favorite was her repeated returned to the idea of water falling as freedom:
the exquisite, artificial beauty of the fountain. Hydraulics oblige the water to behave like a flame, to renew ceaselessly within its liquid column its ascent to heaven. The forced water rises to the apogee of the fluid obelisk before regaining its liberty, which is to fall.
A surprising and lovely interlude was Yourcenar's short essay series, Festivals of the Passing Year. I was not surprised to find her eloquent and incisive as I could wish about the Days of the Dead:
"Once in Finland I was shown some signposts and nameplates bearing the names of isolated houses and farms which had been moved or shrouded with opaque material so that the ghosts, disoriented, could not come and install themselves again in their former lodgings. The rites of the Day of the Dead are as much about fear as love… It is an unadmitted and almost inadmissible fact that even the most beloved dead, after several years or even several months, would, were they to return, be intruders into the existence of the living, whose circumstances have changed. This is decreed not so much by men's egotism or fickleness as by the exigencies of life itself."
And on Halloween:
"On the roads, people put direction signs in the wrong place or turn them around, as the superstitious Finnish peasants do, for reasons best known to themselves. By another unconscious return to one of the world's oldest rites, a tree (always the same) in the center of the village where I live is covered with streamers by boys who climb it; they hang from every branch and wave in the wind, but conveniently- because one has it at hand, or perhaps out of some scatological intention- masses of unrolled toilet paper replace the bits of cloth or rice paper of other civilizations. What once was fervor has turned into derision. In this great country that thinks of itself as materialist, these ghosts and carnival skeletons of autumn do not know what they are: spirits of the escaped dead that one is willing to feed in order to chase them away with a combination of fun and fear. Rites and masks are more powerful than we.
But I had not expected Yourcenar to be such a passionate defender of the "true meaning" of Christmas and Easter, such a devotee of the Passion stories. She takes a moment to "extract from the sacred texts which are read (but not always heard) in church those elements which would strike us if we read them in Dostoevsky or Tolstoy or in some biography or other account of a life of a great man or a great victim. In short, the unfolding of one of the world's most beautiful stories." She then proceeds to retell the story in such a way so that I wish that it actually would be read that way in church one Easter Sunday. I'd like to see any monseigneur argue with what she's saying. I don't think they would even try.
My favorite essay of all, however, was entitled Mirror Games and Will-o'-the-Wisps. It was about a novel that Yourcenar meant, for the longest time, to write and never did. It offers what conceptualization and ideas that she had about a novel that was meant to contrast the fates of three Elizabeths, a saint, an empress and a mass murderess, strung along the spectrum from salvation to purgatory to damnation, tracing their paths alongside each other until the end. But the essay is as much a meditation on the motivations behind writing. Why, when she failed to write this novel over the course of so many years, was she still so motivated to pursue it? Why did she choose that topic initially over all others? It is a meditation on the writing that finds us, that we need to write and think about, or seem meant to write, as much as it is about anything else:
"What continues to cause us to dream, however, is the number and intensity of obscure impulses which direct us in this way towards one name, one fact, one character, rather than another. There we enter into a pathless forest.
Something new for me was the essays that brought Yourcenar entirely into focus as a woman of her era, apt to sometimes express herself in ways that I found sometimes slightly dated and naive in an unfortunate way. It is always a risk, although I generally believe that pulling the curtain is better than not pulling the curtain, that the memory of the wizard's power will not be enough afterwards. But in this case, although I could place the means and the material she chose squarely in a certain place and time and find it wanting now, I could still understand it. Especially after writing and re-creating Hadrian (finally) at the time she did- I can understand why she would harken to the Ancients, to a time of supposed innocence, when we "had the excuse" of not knowing better. I could understand why a person who has witnessed so much carnage and destruction and could do nothing would be so earnest about stopping the slaughter of animals and about adopting spiritual beliefs that addressed the soul as a thing connected to but not of the body. Even her surprisingly fervent devotion to tantric yoga and the culture of the far East (particularly Japan) made sense for someone who saw the West go down in flames and lived through an era where it seemed it might blow itself up again at any time. Yourcenar, after all, spent years on an isolated island in Maine, as far from the madding crowd and everything that went with it as she could get. I was surprised and touched by a small moment that she related where she and another writer friend went to go see a Zen master located not far from where she lived in Maine, who taught farming and Zen techniques to young students- a man who, despite an appointment and despite them waiting, refused to see them for no apparent reason. To find such a powerful intellect and aesthetic sense as hers doing such a thing and finding such a common place rejection- it was sad, but also reassuring in a way. In the end, I connected to the why of it enough to understand.
Overall, this collection contains beauty and wisdom, sadness and regret. It is personal and scattered, notes to the side of the thing itself, moments that lead to the thing itself and stopped short. Some of it would have, perhaps, been better kept in a private diary, but much more of it I was very grateful to have had a chance to peek into. Yourcenar's sensibilities and the way she translates that into prose are still gorgeous and profoundly align with my own way of thinking. Her priorities are in order and I could not ask for more transparent honesty on many subjects. I don't regret any minute I spend on her prose, and I don't know what higher recommendation I can give than that.
The Dark Brain of Piranesi is my next Yourcenar, followed by The Abyss.