Accidental Bond: How Sibling Connections Influence Adult Relationships

by Susan Scarf Merrell, Susan Merrell

"A fascinating and informative read."

*The Boston Globe



"A RICH SOURCE OF FASCINATING MATERIAL about the complex realities of siblinghood and a valuable commentary on the impact that these little-studied relationships have upon our lives."

*The New Republic



"Many books have attempted to tackle the complex theme of sibling connection. But rather than look at the minutae of these relationships, journalist Susan Scarf Merrell examines the big issues that all siblings wrestle with in their own unique ways *in particular the Three Competition, Cooperation, and Comparison. What she discovered was that no matter what kind of relationship we now have with our siblings *close or distant, loving or hostile *our histories with them exert a profound effect on our current relationship with lovers, friends, coworkers, and our own children. Drawing on the most current research; the work of psychologists, psychiatrists, and family experts; and stories from brothers and sisters themselves, Merrell illustrates that through siblings, we come to know both the worst and the very best that lurks within each of us.



"Susan Merrell brilliantly illuminates how the peculiar mix of biology, history, and intimacy makes our attachments to siblings so essential to knowing ourselves."

*Mary Kay Blakely

Author of American Mom

Genres: Psychology

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Susan Scarf Merrell is the author of Shirley: A Novel, which is soon to be major motion picture starring Elisabeth Moss and Michael Stuhlbarg. Other books are the novel A Member of the Family, and The Accidental Bond: How Sibling Connections Influence Adult Relationships. She directs the Southampton Writers Conference, is program director (along with Meg Wolitzer) of the novel-editing program, BookEnds, and teaches in the MFA in Creative Writing & Literature at Stony Brook Southampton. She served as fiction editor of TSR: The Southampton Review. Essays, book reviews and short fiction appear most recently in The Los Angeles Review of Books, The Common Online, The Washington Post, and East Magazine.

Reviews

[Mary]

Good combination of theory and real life cases.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Surprisingly, there are not a lot of books out there about adult sibling relationships. This title was only available at my library through ebooks. The best chapter was the last one. It contained the practical advice I was looking for. The best advice was that life is choices. Your relationship with your sibling at this point can start at this point. Toss out the thoughts and situations of the past and begin today. Use I statements to share your feelings without blame. Find common ground like you do with friends. Remember that relationship issues with siblings are related to achievement, looks and intellect. Share your feelings openly and honestly. One more thing I learned is that we often definitely ourselves by what is different about us and our sibling. I'm the smart one. I'm the calm one. etc. Comparison brought on that definition. But that doesn't have to define you today.