Losing Malcolm: A Mother's Journey Through Grief

by Carol Henderson

One autumn morning Carol Henderson was a new mother recovering in the hospital and cradling a baby the doctor declared perfect. Within days of delivery, the new mother's peaceful world disintegrated into a nightmare of hospitals, tubes, EKG's, and operations. Her baby had a serious heart murmur. Losing Malcolm is a frank and compelling narrative about a naive mother whose carefully constructed life unravels when her infant son dies. Before her son's devastating illness, the author had little experience with the realities of disease and death. After dealing with doctors and living around the clock in the hospital, Henderson, a hypochondriac who feared all things medical, becomes an informed and tenacious advocate for her child. After a free-fall plunge to the depths of her grief, she resurfaces with a newfound sense of self, a deep empathy for others, and a poignant awareness that enduring grief eventually takes its place in the broader tapestry of life. Interweaving dreams and journal entries, this highly original memoir offers an evocative chronicle of emotional devastation and recovery. Henderson's account also reveals the differing ways in which she and her husband responded to their child's death and the ways in which loss transformed them. With wit and caring, she also deals with the taboos that exist in the way society-grandparents, friends, and neighbors-deal with death. This spare, honest narrative resonates with universal themes. It will appeal to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, those who know someone who is suffering, and those who are interested in reading about the tragedies and triumphs of others. Praise for Losing "A spell-binding, uplifting story that reads like a novel. I couldn't put it down." - Lee Smith, author of Fair and Tender Ladies "In this powerful and moving memoir, Carol Henderson grows from innocence, through harrowing grief, to the deep knowledge that darkness is crucial to a sense of the fullness of life." - Annie Dillard, author of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek "The lessons in Henderson's beautifully written book are manifold. Not only will the book help teach other parents how to survive, it will also educate health care professionals about how to be of meaningful service to those who are grieving. And there are powerful lessons here about the inadequacies of a health care system that, unfortunately, has still not changed enough." - Phyllis Silverman, author of Never Too Young to Death in Children's Lives

One autumn morning Carol Henderson was a new mother recovering in the hospital and cradling a baby the doctor declared perfect. Within days of delivery, the new mother's peaceful world disintegrated into a nightmare of hospitals, tubes, EKG's, and operations. Her baby had a serious heart murmur. Losing Malcolm is a frank and compelling narrative about a naive mother whose carefully constructed life unravels when her infant son dies. Before her son's devastating illness, the author had little experience with the realities of disease and death. After dealing with doctors and living around the clock in the hospital, Henderson, a hypochondriac who feared all things medical, becomes an informed and tenacious advocate for her child. After a free-fall plunge to the depths of her grief, she resurfaces with a newfound sense of self, a deep empathy for others, and a poignant awareness that enduring grief eventually takes its place in the broader tapestry of life. Interweaving dreams and journal entries, this highly original memoir offers an evocative chronicle of emotional devastation and recovery. Henderson's account also reveals the differing ways in which she and her husband responded to their child's death and the ways in which loss transformed them. With wit and caring, she also deals with the taboos that exist in the way society-grandparents, friends, and neighbors-deal with death. This spare, honest narrative resonates with universal themes. It will appeal to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, those who know someone who is suffering, and those who are interested in reading about the tragedies and triumphs of others. Praise for Losing "A spell-binding, uplifting story that reads like a novel. I couldn't put it down." - Lee Smith, author of Fair and Tender Ladies "In this powerful and moving memoir, Carol Henderson grows from innocence, through harrowing grief, to the deep knowledge that darkness is crucial to a sense of the fullness of life." - Annie Dillard, author of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek "The lessons in Henderson's beautifully written book are manifold. Not only will the book help teach other parents how to survive, it will also educate health care professionals about how to be of meaningful service to those who are grieving. And there are powerful lessons here about the inadequacies of a health care system that, unfortunately, has still not changed enough." - Phyllis Silverman, author of Never Too Young to Death in Children's Lives

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction

245 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 2001

Reviews

[Lisa Dendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Losing Malcolm: A mother's journey through grief is a beautiful but heart-wrenching tale of a mother's joy, worry, grief, and recovery upon the birth, short life, and death of her first child. Written by Chapel Hill, NC, columnist and author Carol Henderson, Losing Malcolm deals with the real issues faced by a grieving mother: loss, helplessness, depression, jealousy and fear, in a straightforward manner. This touching memoir is recommended for anyone dealing with grief.

[Steve Bear]

Carol gave me the book after a series of grief writing workshops after the accidental death of my son, Ian. It has been helpful to my process of reconstruction. Getting to know Carol was the best and hearing her voice in my head was an added plus. I wouldn't say that I enjoyed reading it. Who can enjoy something as horrific as the death of their child and how they regain control and some semblance of acceptance in their own life, but it calmed my fears and made me feel less alone as I face each day without Ian.
Thank you, Carol.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough that my path crossed with Carol at a Compassionate Friends meeting. I was grieving the loss of my 20 year old brother in 2000. I will never say I know how she felt with the loss of Malcolm but her grief helped me with my grief. Her raw honesty helped with my healing process. I wish no parent ever had to feel the pain she felt, but her hope of everything being OK was a true gift.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book offered me what I needed in those dark days of early grief. I needed to read the story of another mother suffering the loss of her baby.

The honest and ugly details shared in this book helped me understand the emotions raging within me were very normal and expected.

This book is not for the faint of heart and deals with incredibly painful subject of infant loss.

[Jane Penland Hoover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marvelous memoir, deeply moving and exquisitely written.