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402 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1972
FOLLAVOINE: You wouldn’t know, off hand -- where the Aleutians are?Give Rose a hand, ladies and gentlemen, although it’s too bad she won’t be back later. Actually, it’s not really Rose’s character that Feydeau is establishing here, as this sequence continues unspooling:
ROSE: Monsieur?
FOLLAVOINE: The Aleutians. You wouldn’t happen to know where they are, would you?
ROSE: Oh no! No, Monsieur, I don’t put things away around here. Madame is the one who --
FOLLAVOINE, standing up straight: What? “Put things away -- !” What are you talking about? The Aleutians! The Aleutians! They’re islands, idiot! Islands. Earth surrounded by water. You know what that is?
ROSE, opening her eyes wide: Earth surrounded by water?
FOLLAVOINE: Yes. Earth surrounded by water. What do you call it?
ROSE: Mud?
FOLLAVOINE: mud? No, no -- not mud! It’s mud when there’s just a little earth and a little water. When there’s a lot of earth and a lot of water it’s called an island.
ROSE, amazed: Oh?
FOLLAVOINE: That’s what the Aleutians are. Islands. You understand? They aren’t in the apartment.
ROSE, trying her best to understand: Oh yes, Monsieur. They’re outside the apartment.
FOLLAVOINE: Of course they’re outside the apartment!
ROSE: Yes, Monsieur, I understand. But I haven’t seen them, Monsieur.
FOLLAVOINE: That’s fine! Thank you.
ROSE, trying to justify herself: I haven’t been in Paris very long…
FOLLAVOINE [after she leaves]: ...Ha! It’s incredible! That girl doesn’t know a thing. Absolutely nothing. What did she learn in school, I wonder? (He crosses to his desk, leaning against it once again to consult the dictionary.) Now let’s see, Eleutians -- Eleutians -- That’s funny. “Elephant, Eleusis, elevate--” But no Eleutians! It should be right here between “Eleusis” and “elevate.” Bah! This dictionary is worthless!That wacky, intolerant ignoramus! What’s to become of him?! Well, if I told you that Follavoine’s wife wore roughly the same disposition (she ridicules him for not looking under the letter ‘i’) and that their current squabbles all centered on getting their young brat to drink a laxative, you might see where this will lead... especially if you knew that the latest domestic kerfuffle was interrupting Follavoine’s aspirations to demonstrate his “unbreakable” ceramic chamber pots to a military supply officer competing an exclusive contract. If you guessed a duel challenge and cuckold accusation, then you are clearly familiar with the norms of Belle Epoque France. Naturally, the wrong people end up consuming the laxative, the fun is in seeing how all this comes about.