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Still to Be Born
Still to Be Born
- GenresNonfiction
112 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1986
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31 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
August 23, 2025
Read this book in small chunks of time as we started considering how we felt about when/if to try again after losing our sweet boys. I know I'll refer to it more once we're ready but in the meantime a quote to share:
[This was pulled from page 114, from a loss mom's story]
"Our lives have changed dramatically since the death of our daughter Emily. We've learned that it really makes no difference how hard we've tried, or how good we are or have been, we can't bring Emily back. WE CAN'T REPLACE HER. We can only make choices about our future."
This really spoke to me. So many of the stories and ideas shared in this book, in this series by the author, and in my online infant loss grief groups share this similar understanding- that there are so many people out there who are there for you, who are sad for you - but just at first, as if there's an unwritten rule about how long you can grieve a baby only very few people met - when in truth, grief is for life. Grief doesn't have an end. There's just you before grief, and you now. I'm forever changed, my husband is forever changed - and if bringing up my dead sons makes you uncomfortable? Oh well. It's not about you right now. I hope you never have to know what this is like, but if it does happen, just know that I am here, and I know what this feels like - there's a seat open next to me at one of the worst clubs in the world and I'll hold your hand through it.
This book, like the others by this author surrounding infant loss, are a bit messy organizationally speaking, but if you read it all like someone's journal or like a piece of art you'll appreciate the bits or this and that. There are poems, stories from loss parents, quotes from loss parents, well-known quotes from famous authors, and then the rest is filled with information both medical (note: it was last updated in the 1980s so the fertility piece is not going to be up to date) and statistical (survey data both quantitative and qualitative from loss parents). I know I still got a lot out of reading it, and will keep it on hand to refer to.
[This was pulled from page 114, from a loss mom's story]
"Our lives have changed dramatically since the death of our daughter Emily. We've learned that it really makes no difference how hard we've tried, or how good we are or have been, we can't bring Emily back. WE CAN'T REPLACE HER. We can only make choices about our future."
This really spoke to me. So many of the stories and ideas shared in this book, in this series by the author, and in my online infant loss grief groups share this similar understanding- that there are so many people out there who are there for you, who are sad for you - but just at first, as if there's an unwritten rule about how long you can grieve a baby only very few people met - when in truth, grief is for life. Grief doesn't have an end. There's just you before grief, and you now. I'm forever changed, my husband is forever changed - and if bringing up my dead sons makes you uncomfortable? Oh well. It's not about you right now. I hope you never have to know what this is like, but if it does happen, just know that I am here, and I know what this feels like - there's a seat open next to me at one of the worst clubs in the world and I'll hold your hand through it.
This book, like the others by this author surrounding infant loss, are a bit messy organizationally speaking, but if you read it all like someone's journal or like a piece of art you'll appreciate the bits or this and that. There are poems, stories from loss parents, quotes from loss parents, well-known quotes from famous authors, and then the rest is filled with information both medical (note: it was last updated in the 1980s so the fertility piece is not going to be up to date) and statistical (survey data both quantitative and qualitative from loss parents). I know I still got a lot out of reading it, and will keep it on hand to refer to.
February 3, 2022
Immensely helpful when I was grieving the stillbirth of a son and planning another pregnancy
October 15, 2013
Pregnancy after a loss is totally different to pregnancy before. After the naivete is gone, the bereaved parents are often fearful about having another baby; when they become pregnant, everyone assumes they have forgotten their lost little one and will concentrate only on the new pregnancy.
This book examines head-on the mixed emotions of a subsequent pregnancy, offers guideines about knowing when your heart is ready to seek pregnancy again, and talks about many of the feelings a mother will have in being pregnant again after a loss. I found this book an invaluable resource. Read it once three months before you intend to conceive and then once again after you become pregnant. Highly recommended, although I'm sorry anyone would need to read this book in the first place.
This book examines head-on the mixed emotions of a subsequent pregnancy, offers guideines about knowing when your heart is ready to seek pregnancy again, and talks about many of the feelings a mother will have in being pregnant again after a loss. I found this book an invaluable resource. Read it once three months before you intend to conceive and then once again after you become pregnant. Highly recommended, although I'm sorry anyone would need to read this book in the first place.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews