Odpojte se: Ochraňte své děti před závislostí na elektronice

by Thomas Kersting

Máte někdy pocit, že vaše děti nemají kontrolu nad elektronickými přístroji a monitory – že naopak elektronika a displeje ovládají je? Nadměrné používání chytrých telefonů, počítačů a tabletů je zejména u dětí prokazatelně spojeno s rostoucím výskytem duševních a psychických problémů. Příliš mnoho času stráveného u obrazovek má skutečný vliv na mozek dětí, na jejich sebevědomí, emoční vývoj a sociální dovednosti.

Nejen rodiče naleznou v této knize nepostradatelné rady, jak správně nastavit hranice času stráveného u displejů elektronických přístrojů. Zkušený a uznávaný psychoterapeut zde předkládá strategie založené na vědeckých důkazech a výzkumech. Nabízí komplexní pohled na to, jak nové technologie mění svět, ve kterém naše děti vyrůstají, jak ovlivňují jejich chování i způsob, jakým se učí a komunikují se svými rodinami a přáteli.

Odpojení našich dětí i nás od digitálních technologií není snadné, ale ani nemožné. A pokud jste rozhodnuti přitáhnout svou rodinu od displejů opět blíž k sobě, je tato kniha ideálním prvním krokem.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Family, Technology, Self Help, Education

208 pages

First published December 1, 2016

About the author

Tom Kersting is one of the most sought-after experts in the field of mental health, families, parenting in the digital age, and over-device use, as he provides advice to millions of people through regular television appearances, radio and print media, books and private sessions. He is a straight shooter, and passionate about helping families whether in crisis or just in disaccord.

Tom holds advanced degrees including a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from St. Thomas Aquinas College, a Master’s degree in Counseling & Human Development and a second Master’s in Administration & Supervision, both from Montclair State University. Tom also holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Hypnotherapy (alternative/non-traditional) from Kona University. Tom is also a former semi-professional baseball player, avid golfer and dedicated to fitness.

Reviews

[Dr. David Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Riveting

[Teressa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw this book in the library while my kids searched for books and I read a few pages while waiting for them and was instantly drawn in. This book warns on the dangers of a tech driven, always connected society, similar to "How to Break-Up with your Phone", but the book mainly focuses on the damage this is doing to kids. I have been wanting to minimize my screen use so I can be an example to my kids. This book made me realize that is imperative to their mental health, their intelligence, emotional intelligence and their future that I do provide that example and also be the boundary/protector for them by saying "no" to (excessive) screentime.

Two tidbits from the book that stick with me:

1. Average age of children getting a cell phone is getting younger and younger, it's now at 10 years and 3 months- which is mind blowing to me.

2. school + technology does not equal smarter students. In fact, it seems like it hinders focus more than it helps. There's a school in Silicone Valley where 70% of the students are children of "Big Tech" employees...and there isn't a screen in the school. No laptops, no tablets, etc. Kids use their imagination and pen and paper. Big Tech- the products and apps they create, design, produce, sell are good enough for the public, yet they actively protect their kids from using it because they know the effects.

This book helped reinforce my goal to limit screentime for my kids, as well as myself. Loved the pacing of the book, and how facts and studies flowed with the story instead of disrupting the story.

[Fran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Six stars!! A must read for anyone (parent or not) who wants to develop new tools and help themselves and/or their child(ren) to unplug. The stats are horrifying and daunting but the book offers hope in numerous tangible ways. Highly recommend.

[Jim Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

“If you fear that your children will fade into irrelevancy and you strive to ensure they fit in with everyone else, YOU ARE TEACHING THEM TO BE ORDINARY. Teach uniqueness and let your children grow from that.” This is just one quote from a book that contains many such valuable quotes.

I have for many years felt our society and more importantly our children were on a path of self-destruction due primarily to the use of phones, tablets, notebooks, computers, television and movies especially those that feature sex and violence. I also felt like maybe I believed this to be true because that is what others have said of me and/or because I was just getting older and therefore I was misreading what was actually happening.

Having no medical background, I had no hard evidence to support my beliefs at least until now. EVERY PARENT OR PERSON WHO MIGHT EVER BECOME A PARENT NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK! WITHOUT EXCEPTION!

Why? Because the author is trained to observe what we have all observed and probably have also become ourselves to some degree; people distracted by electronic devices. I believe that the mind cannot do two things equally as well as it can do just one thing very well. Yet if you look around you see people of all ages trying to do two or more things at one time and one of those “things” usually involves using an electronic device(s).

The message of this magnificent book is summed up in that one quote above. It asks the question as to whether we are teaching our children to be leaders and stand out from the crowd or are we permitting them (as opposed to teaching) to just fit in and become ordinary. WOW!!! Think about that for a moment.

Do yourself and your family a tremendous favor and read the book. It’s short, easy to read but packs a tremendous wallop! You just might see yourself on the pages of this book and I know you will recognize a good number of your friends and family as well. But what will you do with the confirmation of the knowledge that should lead you to do what you may have been avoiding?

Who should read this book? EVERYONE – NO EXCEPTIONS; NO AGE RESTRICTIONS. Would I buy this book as a gift? ABSOLUTELY! Will I read it again? MOST DEFINITELY OR AT LEAST REVIEW CERTAIN SECTIONS.

[Britt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book addresses a vital topic but the mode the information is delivered in sullies the content. The author is clearly in love with himself and utilizes fear mongering tactics throughout the work. Further, his writing is poorly done and lacks sufficient quality research to back up his claims. I recommend this book be read with a discerning eye and think despite its many flaws it is worth reading because it does address the important topic of technology addiction through the lens of its impact on children.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up.

Not the most groundbreaking read, but good enough for what I was looking for: confirmation on why we plan to delay smartphones for our kids as long as possible. It’s crazy to me how many of our oldest’s (second grade!!) peers already have smartwatches. I know phones won’t be far behind.

This particular book was a bit alarmist in tone but I think the statistics are good for parents to be aware of. It was also helpful in thinking through my own media habits, especially in the areas of multitasking and leading by example.

“The things he’s missed out on are the things I want him to miss: gossip, fake news, inappropriate posts, sleep deprivation, fear mongering, and a potentially weakened sense of self. Ignorance is bliss!” —Thomas Kersting

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nonfiction

Another book with important reminders of how little we know about our new technology. I came away with a lot of great quotes highlighted.

I would maybe read it again? But I do recommend it.

[Heidi Martinez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting facts, little follow through

This was recommended by a counselor to help with managing our child's fixation with electronic devices. While I found some good insight to help justify why we should continue in this vein, there was almost no practical help. I will have to find other resources for the "how to" portion.

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

The final 12 pages is what saved this rating from being a Zero Star. The first 9 chapters are doom and gloom, statistics we've already heard and worried about, the evils of cell phones and technology. Chapter 10 acknowledges all this is here to stay and gives some great suggestions on how to deal with it.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book today and have already finished it. Super quick read and I feel like ever parent can benefit from reading this.

[Paul C. Stalder · Rating 3 out of 5]

I waffled between two and three stars on this one. The topic is important; we should discuss the effect of screentime and social media on ourselves and our children. And Kersting does provide plenty of data and tips relevant to this conversation. But he is rather intolerable. As other reviewers have pointed out, a lot of this book is fear mongering. At one point, Kersting points out that teenagers spend countless hours locked in their bedrooms now. Now? You mean to tell me that teenagers didn't avoid their parents before the rise of social media? That parents before didn't consider the generations below them lazy and distracted? I'm sorry, this has been a common complaint for thousands of years (read The Odyssey). It looks different now, and we need to talk about that, but we shouldn't for a moment pretend that families before screentime were perfect. Kersting seems to idolize the past, but gives no reason why. Screentime should be moderated, yes. But Kersting seems to rail against it with unnecessary, and unfounded, animosity, and his only true advice is to remove the screens. Our kids our going to be interacting with them. Why didn't he give us any advice relating to dealing with that, rather than just taking them away? Can't there be steps in the middle? As an example of the unfounded animosity, Kersting talks about his son, who is doing well in school, has lots of friends, plays sports, and is a generally happy kid. Good for him. Seriously. But he goes on to say that this most certainly would not have been the case if he had gotten a phone earlier in his life. Really? How can you say that? The only reason his son is drawn to these things is because he didn't have a phone? I find that hard to believe. Phones, social media, and video games are not the poison pill that Kersting seems to think they are. Can they bed bad? Certainly! But it is simply not the case that every child you gets a phone at the age of 10 is going to be a hermit, addicted to social media. I would have liked to see Kersting taking a more even-handed approach to this whole conversation. As a book, it is fine; easy to read, fairly engaging, but nothing special. I wouldn't run out to get this book, but it could be a wake up call for parents who haven't considered the possible negative effects of the digital age.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, Thomas Kersting shares research data and anecdotes to show how negatively smartphones are affecting children’s mental health, social skills, and emotional development. His work as a psychotherapist has given him the opportunity to see the worst of the problems that device dependency can create, and even though it would be easy for a reader to dismiss this book as doom and gloom, the reality is that even if your children are fine, many of their peers are not. This book is a wake-up call for people who are concerned about Gen Z and future generations.

The Dangers of Smartphones

Kersting addresses a number of different issues, showing how radically society has changed in the past couple decades. He draws on published research to illustrate the link between the rise of the smartphone and massive spikes in anxiety, depression, acquired ADHD, and other health and social problems. Some of his stories deal with dramatic crises that most people won’t relate to, but he writes a lot about everyday situations that parents of tweens and teens will recognize from their own lives. He writes about health concerns related to electronics, the concentration-eroding effects of multi-tasking, and the ways that video game addiction and obsession with social media can erode children’s self-confidence, ability to connect with others, and ability to regulate their emotions.

He also addresses problems related to technology in school, showing how corporations are working in their interests, not children’s, when they donate devices to schools or promote their technology as the best way to learn. Although Kersting does not advocate for a return to an analog world, he provides compelling evidence for why technology creates more educational problems than it solves. He also points out the challenges that parents of children with extreme, addictive tech-related problems will face when the try to limit screen time, if schools insist that every child use the Internet and their devices to do basic assignments.

Proposed Solutions

This book gives parents the information and encouragement that they need to make wise decisions for their children. I especially appreciate Kersting’s emphasis on the value of being counter-cultural. Just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t mean that you need to adopt the same practices, and even though it may be painful for children to experience social exclusion because they don’t have a smartphone, parents can withhold technology with their child’s long-term interests in mind and set a good example of going against the crowd to do the right thing. However, even though this perspective can encourage parents who feel pressured into doing something that they think is unwise, it is less likely to persuade people who feel strongly the other way.

Because of this, Kersting’s suggested solution seems like wishful thinking. He argues that because social pressure is the main reason why children have smartphones today, parents should band together and agree that they will not buy smartphones for their children. If no child has the desired object, then no one will have to feel jealous or excluded, and the children can have healthier childhoods. This is a nice idea, but actually putting this into practice would likely be very difficult. Even though he encourages parents to try to organize a movement in their child’s school or their community, I am dubious about the possibilities of parents finding enough support among others to effect meaningful social change.

Audience

Christian parents need to know that even though this book is from a Christian publisher, it has no Christian content, aside from one or two passing references to God. I can understand why Kersting would want to keep his important message accessible to the widest possible audience, but people who are expecting a biblical perspective on digital social issues will be disappointed. In the last chapter, Kersting praises the power of meditation and boredom, and talks about how kids should be allowed to fail, but that is as far as he goes when addressing what people can change about themselves or the way that they think. He does not have a message of redemption, does not draw on any wisdom from Scripture, and does not convey any sense of how Christian families could uniquely deal with devices in their homes.

Conclusion

In this book, Kersting helps parents recognize that smartphones and other forms of digital technology are most likely eroding their child’s self-esteem, concentration capacity, social skills, emotional intelligence, and ability to be resilient in life. He encourages parents to follow their gut when it comes to smartphones, instead of letting other parents’ permissiveness or a child’s pleading determine their values and choices. This book is primarily for people who are already critical or suspicious of smartphones, but Kersting cites so much research and includes so many stories from his clinical experience that it can be eye-opening for people who would commonly dismiss a book like this as fear-mongering. Disconnected helps parents understand how digital dependency is affecting the current generation, and even though Kersting is somewhat short on realistic solutions, this book is well worth reading for his expert perspective.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Mary Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the previous addition of this book published in 2016. It was about 100 pages less, so I’m sure there is some great info in the new addition too. Useful info with some application for and better understanding of even our college-aged kids. I’m sure COVID has significantly impacted our youth and young adult population. Hoping Kersting will write a book about helping the up and coming generations.

[Sara Sylvester]

Such an important read!!

[Olivia Heck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Extreme examples and a one-sided (mostly opinionated) arguments make for an exhausting book. The idea that adolescent mental illness can be “fixed” if children simply just become mentally stronger places blame on children and is downright harmful.

[Teri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book that helps parents identify and correct electronic use in their families, most specifically children. Short and easy to read with practical advice.
I thought the book was well-written, and as a teacher, I wish every parent would read this book, as it brings to light the issues of social media creating unnecessary jealousy and stress, anxiety disorders created by electronics, technology addictions, and parents who can't unplug from their college-age children, thus creating young adults who can't think for themselves without mommy in their ear constantly. A section on multi-tasking leading to fragmented thinking makes sense - Hmmm, parents of ADHD children need to take note. Thank you for a practical book that I am now sharing with parents in my class.
However, it reminds me of a great movie all the way through with a disappointing ending. The very last few pages that summed up fell flat, leaving me trying to having the review to remember the good parts. It ends with some meditation exercises that help with focus and concentration. I found that helpful and probably necessary to those without common sense (those addicted to electronics), but then it deviates into some woo-woo stuff that he describes as maybe God, maybe spirit, or maybe energy, mentioning the five senses, trying to be politically correct and cover all the bases of his readers. I thought the practical informative nature of the book was fantastic (about 90 pages) and the last 2 were a bummer.

[Emily Serven · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a short, easy to read book. I read it in an afternoon. The strength of this book was the author’s thorough description of the problem. He has a lot of experience with parents and youth who have not managed technology well, so he offers a clear and frightening picture of how bad the situation can get. He offered interesting statistics and poignant anecdotes. However, I didn’t feel like this book offered many solutions. Basically he said that parents need to be talking with their children (duh!) and need to take the devices away when children are showing that they can’t manage the devices well (duh again!) Both of those seemed like painfully obvious statements to me and made me feel that this book is directed at parents who have not been intentional or proactive in their parenting. For solutions, I preferred Andy Crouch’s book, The Techwise Family. However the description of the problem was perhaps more thorough in this book.

[Virna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an important read for parents of kids in the digital age. I’m going to make this required reading for my teens as well. They need to understand the impact that technology is having on their brains and development. Technology is robbing our kids of their potential and it’s time we do something about it.

[Callie Baker · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you a parent or thinking about being a parent- disturbing book to read and will impact your view of technology. If you aren’t a parent, still a fascinating account of our time on social media and how it impacts us!

[Brian Phares · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fear mongering about social media and technology from a man who’s basic argument seems to boil down to “things were better when I was a kid.” If I didn’t have to read it for a class I wouldn’t have bothered finishing it.

[Krissy]

DNF at 22%
*Zero Stars for books I DNF*

I wanted to like this book. I tried reading it, ended up setting it down for a few weeks and then decided to try again from the start. Figured it was just not the vibe for a nonfiction book right then. But what I realized when I restarted it was that it was just not the vibe…at all.

I read a few reviews here first. I thought I wouldn’t mind all the negativity, if some good comes from it. In a few health books I’ve enjoyed they like to start off with- we are all dying, there are chemicals everywhere, etc. But then they shift, rather quickly, to what you can DO about it. This book fails to make that shift.

It’s page after page of Doom and Gloom: Screen Time Edition. I kept thinking if I stuck with it, eventually there would be a shift. When it seemed that shift wasn’t coming fast enough, I skipped to the third part (what parents can do). The author started that part off by revealing how he likes to shame his audience at lectures. I was done then.

Perhaps if I stuck with it, I would find more useful tips buried in it, but I just don’t want to read this level of negativity for that long to be honest. I already know screens are bad, I don’t need a whole book hitting me over the head with it. I’m ready to move on to the action stage. I get the sense that this author is more on the side of not having screens vs real world ways to limit them, which is what I am actually looking for.

I can see that this author is very passionate about this subject, and his feelings of helplessness and sadness over the future really come through in his writing. And I know what that feels like (really sucks) so I do have empathy for him. Problem is, I didn’t pick this book up to be afraid and sad. I picked it up because I wanted to make a change with my family’s screen time routines. I feel like this author is hoping to reach a certain group of people to convince, but the type that pick up this kind of book are already sold and past the stage he is writing for. He’s preaching to the choir.

Also thinking this author would be really well suited to live in a cabin off the grid somewhere. But then he probably wouldn’t make it in to all the tv programs he likes to be on the other side of the screen for.

*I read this on my kindle*

[Kateryna Maw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal and a MUST read for anyone, especially parents!!

Dependency on screens fires up the same brain regions as an addiction does - that's alarming. Although I read a few books on this topic, this was the most depressing book that really puts everything into a perspective!! I say "depressing" in a good way, where it is almost like a reality check, no sugar coating, no BS... It is real and it effects all aspects of our lives!!

Although each chapter had a little summary of steps parents can take to limit kids'exposure to screens, I believe that it is somewhat unfair to load all the blame onto parents, and expect them to "fight" against billions-dollar industry that employs psychologists and the best of the best to make screens more enticing and addictive. On the other hand, I think that if parents were not given the authority described in the book to change the situation, it would not have such a big impact on me as a parent reading it!!

Although we limited the time our kids are allowed to watch TV (once a week we watch a predetermined movie, usually a National Geographic film about sharks or other animals), I realize how easy it is to do now (by simply saying "no") vs parents who have older kids and feel peer pressured to allow certain things (e.g., video games, etc). I had a wake up call with my 3-year old at a time, and I will never going back to that. We are a family with our own rules, not following what others allow.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a 17 year teacher, I have seen changes in how students learn and act within the confines of the classroom. I have taught middle schoolers where they asked “Why would I need to learn this, I am going to be a TikTok star.” The last two years, I have taught first graders and they have changed from the first ten minutes of a lesson is your only hook, down to within the first 3-4 minutes…After that they become very disinterested in what you are trying to teach them. I am finding that I have to teach the same materials at least 8-10 times before they grasp things. They act out, they can’t wait to get home and play on the computer, they find it hard to read my facial cues and tone of voice.

As I was reading this book, I was shouting - “YES, I see this in my classroom!!”

Every parent should read this book to see what technology is doing to our children in their learning and formative years.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are at all concerned about your child's dependence on devices, then this is a must read! Kersting explores the surge of digitally distracted children and the device-dependent world we live in. He offers thought-provoking research that examines how increased screen time is affecting kids’ mental and emotional wellbeing. The research and information regarding the re-wiring of their brains is fascinating. Kersting delivers real-life examples of device-dependent kids unable to flourish in society as social-emotional issues rise. It is clear that Kersting is genuinely concerned about our youth and is optimistically vigilant about what can be done to save our children. Kersting's simple strategies to help reduce screen time and techniques to promote mental and emotionally healthy children offer a manageable solution to a very problematic social issue.

[Victoria Ellerbe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was very eye opening and also sad. I was born in 89, so my generation graduated high school without smart phones. Seeing how much of an effect they have on relationships now is what interested me in this book to begin with. I deal with my own smart phone addictions (mindless scrolling), which is why i've switched back to a boring old flip phone. The author also brought up a health point that I'd never though about and that was radiation effects from cell phone usage causing brain tumours. That made me stop and think altogether and I'm still having trouble processing ways to lessen our effects of radiation exposure from cell phones. Thanks for this eye opening book!

[Matthew Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

As Thomas writes about the dangers with kids and screen time I pause and think about my own use and how it is affecting the relationship with my kids. This book is a wake up call to parents, educators or family members who have children.

I wish I had this book sooner and that it is not too late to start to make a difference in the lives of my children as well as those that I work with now.

Pick up this book and commit to making a change even before you read a page of this book. Know that there are things that you have to do to help not only your children but yourself as well!

[Jeneece Western · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the questions this book asked and the answers it gave. This is uncharted territory with all the technology that is coming at us so fast and we aren't sure what will be best practice and what could be our demise. The stance of needing connectivity IRL is what is in danger and kids will suffer the most if we are not treading carefully with more mindfulness in place.

[Jen Hossack · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good, quick read about the power of technology in our lives, and the greater power of learning how to turn it off. While it is aimed at parents and teachers for their kids and students, much of suggestions transfer to adults. It has got me thinking of ways that I can teach with even less technology more often than not.

[Jordyn Matthews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just wow… so many statistics that are mind blowing and really make you think differently about technology and how it affects us and our children’s developing brains! This was an easy read… although it had a lot of research/ stats it was explained in a way that was easy to break down and understand!

[Alecia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most people just don’t want to hear this information even though we know it’s the truth and will benefit parents and society as a whole. Similar to asking people to eat healthy. We know it’s best, but….