Journeys Through ADDulthood: Discover a New Sense of Identity and Meaning While Living with Attention Deficit Disorder

by Sari Solden, David Zinn (Illustrator)

Psychotherapist, Sari Solden, specializes in working with men and women with ADHD and mental health professionals who want to help them. She has been counseling adults, consulting with professionals, and writing and speaking about this subject around the world for the past 35 years. Her other two books, Women with Attention Deficit Disorder and A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD(co-written with Michelle Frank, PsyD) are world-wide best sellers in the field. Journeys Through ADDulthood, originally published in 2002 and currently available on audiobook, is being re-released in print form Jul 1, 2023 by Introspect Press, LLC to help guide men and women with ADHD and professionals. In this book, Sari Solden takes what has been called a “groundbreaking” look at the emotional turmoil often precipitated by ADHD and offers readers a roadmap to a richer, more meaningful life. Living with ADHD affects the development of one's view of self, especially for those not diagnosed until adulthood, who have spent many years of feeling "different" without knowing why. Ms. Solden offers no quick fixes and instead takes a longer view of the challenges. She sees living successfully with ADHD as an ongoing internal process. Journeys Through ADDulthood is a step-by-step guide through three internal stages, or toward understanding your brain and your primary symptoms; toward discovering your true identity and embracing your uniqueness; and toward learning to share your true self to connect with others. Illuminating her points based on the composite journeys of two men and two women with varied symptoms of ADHD, Solden offers self-help exercises at the end of each chapter to point the way around common roadblocks on the road to empowerment, self-fulfillment, and the realization of long-buried hopes and dreams Read two excerpts from reviews written at the time of the original publication. “Journeys Through ADDulthood is, without question, one of the most important books on adult ADHD since Driven to Distraction. Sari Solden has given us a blueprint to live our lives as adults with ADHD, and has given therapists a book-length account of how to help their ADHD adult clients. This is truly an awesome book!” ―Arthur Robin, Ph.D., Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neurosciences, Wayne State University Journeys Through ADDulthood provides an important addition to the toolkits of clinicians working with ADHD adults―regarding both understanding the disorder and treating it collaboratively with your clients. And your adult ADHD clients will likely find great relief in Solden’s mapping of the neurological, psychosocial, work and family issues and possible solutions connected with this terrain, terrain she continues to traverse herself.” ―reviewed in The Therapist by Ellen Patterson

Genres: Adhd, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health, Unfinished

294 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2002

About the author

Sari Solden, M.S, is a psychotherapist who has counseled adults with ADHD for 30 years. She is the author of Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, Journeys Through ADDulthood, and co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD (July 2019). She serves on the professional advisory board of ADDA and was received their award for outstanding service by a helping professional. Her areas of specialization include women's issues, inattentive ADHD, and the emotional consequences and healing process for adults who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. She is a prominent keynote speaker on these subjects nationally and internationally.

Reviews

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through the experiences of four of her clients as well as her own life, psychotherapist, Sari Solden takes you through the emotional journeys one takes from the time they are diagnosed with ADHD.

Some people with ADHD have the false notion that once they're diagnosed and on medication, they're "fixed". But the truth is, most people still struggle with organizational skills, time management and social anxiety.

The other books that I've read on ADHD are all about the symptoms, diagnosis, medications and other treatment options. This book starts up where the others leave off. If the statement, "OK I've been diagnosed, I'm on medication now what?" describes you then this book will be very helpful for you.
This book will help you to see that you don't have to give up your dreams because you have ADHD, you may just need to adjust them a little. S. Solden will help you to identify the source of your frustrations and how to deal with them in a healthy way. She will also help you to see that your differences are not character flaws, you will learn how to communicate your needs with family members, co-workers, and friends without loosing your self respect and you will learn how important it is to set boundaries and limits to prevent overwhelm and that IT'S OK TO SAY NO!

I really, really enjoyed this book and I'm sure that I will be referring to it again and again. I could go on for several more paragraphs, but I doubt that anyone wants to read that long of a review, so I'll close by saying, I highly recommend it to anyone who has been diagnosed with ADHD.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Years after being diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity disorder (AD/HD or ADD), many adults still struggle with the same issues because treatments tend to focus on managing or overcoming the symptoms rather tha learning to live effectively with the condition. Journeys Through ADDulthood, which focuses on the emotional challenges these mend and women face, is an inspiring guide to living a full, rich life with AD/HD."
~~back cover

I've done a lot of reading on ADD, AD/HD since I was diagnosed with ADD very late in life. This book is the only one that is an emotional catalyst, and also the only one that lays out a road map on how to deal with your emotions which allows you to move on to a well-constructed life.

If you have ADD, I can't recommend this book enough!

[Hope McCormick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had some amazing revelations about how ADD has affected my sense of self and even how I've made serious life decisions based on bad data about my capabilities ... or potential, at least. Now that I see how deeply having untreated ADD most of my life has impacted my life, I'm starting to revise my opinion of myself, explore new options for my future and basically take a fresh look at everything. This book came to me at the perfect time in my life. I've just moved out on my own for the first time, so I'm learning a lot about myself right now. This book is a blessing!

[Patrick Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Journeys Through ADDulthood
By Sari Solden

- [ ] The first ADHD book of the year
- [ ] Helping my mom move
- [ ] Understand yourself medically not morally. ADHD is a medical condition, not a moral failing
- [ ] To find meaning/redefine oneself
- [ ] How does one treat themselves. ADHD has warped our perception of self
- [ ] The debates in the community
- [ ] It’s a journey
- [ ] How to life with myself
- [ ] Do people succeed because of or in spite of ADHD
- [ ] Post diagnosis view
- [ ] ADHD is chronic but not constant
- [ ] Continue to do check ups with your brain, this is a life long condition that needs constant vigilance
- [ ] It’s imperative to talk to people that can relate - support groups
- [ ] Coaches - they are neutral
- [ ] Grief cycle after diagnosis
- [ ] How do you respond to your differences, do you with draw, make excuses, are embarrassed, etc

- [ ] Crossing the threshold
- [ ] Are you still holding on to the past? The shame, hurt, and fear of the past? Yes, I am
- [ ] Move forward and embrace your strengths, who you are and your ADHD
- [ ] Defining yourself by your defects and your weakness instead of your strengths
- [ ] A great origin of rejection, shame, remorse, and low self esteem
- [ ] I identify with this so much
- [ ] Negative feedback loops of self talk
- [ ] I focus on my defects so much and I run towards my weakness. This is because I define myself by overcoming my weaknesses instead of my strengths
- [ ] ADHDers often reject help, ignore their defects, make excuses, or other mechanisms. They struggle to accept help and move forward
- [ ] There is strength is accepting help. Find the system the works best for you and your treatment system
- [ ] This a wonderful chapter that explains so much about my self pity, struggles with identity, negative self talk, loser mentality, etc
- [ ] Your view on your differences, it’s important to recovery it will determine your approach and yourself you
- [ ] You need complete data to make accurate choices
- [ ] I often don’t see my gifts or I reject them
- [ ] Amazing chapter

- [ ] Reaching true acceptance
- [ ] Spend time around people that see the whole you, that accept you completely
- [ ] ADHDers and support groups
- [ ] Getting over the devaluing voice
- [ ] See the strengths
- [ ] Separate your core identity from your ADHD. That is not what I do. My identity is ADHD
- [ ] I have not reached full acceptance

- [ ] Entering the cave
- [ ] Overcoming fear
- [ ] The pain of the past and lost/unfulfilled dreams. Use the pain from the past. Explore the past and the pain
- [ ] Remember the good and the success
- [ ] One day this pain will be useful
- [ ] This sounds like step work
- [ ] I have done a lot of this exploration of the past but still much of it is covered in shame and overcoming the weakness
- [ ] Connect with good from the past. Don’t live a life of quite desperation
- [ ] Nothing worse than the pain of loss of meaning, purpose, joy, and dreams
- [ ] Don’t resign to your weakness or the pain of the past
- [ ] My ADHD is shameful, I viciously fight it, I push it down and overcome it, I am proud of my management of it and scorn those that don’t because I view it as a severe weakness
- [ ] One of my biggest and most justified fears is unmanaged ADHD

- [ ] This is a heroic journey
- [ ] This is an amazing book

- [ ] Resolving identity
- [ ] The realization of your dreams
- [ ] Get to the core of your dreams
- [ ] The pain will lesson but may never go away
- [ ] ADHD - twice as hard for half the work
- [ ] Shift your life’s vision, redefine yourself, take a risk, let go. It’s scary but you can do it
- [ ] Be who you are, not who you should be
- [ ] Return of vitality and excitement. A true self
- [ ] But what are these gifts?
- [ ] I have done some of this, I use my hyperactivity to be productive, I know my loquaciousness is a strength, I restlessness keeps me active, I seek dopamine through completing goals

- [ ] Journey three: crisis of success
- [ ] Take care of and protect your new authentic self. You are now the hero, how do you live as the hero, how does the hero operate in the world, in relationships, interact with others, you have crossed back into the world
- [ ] You can’t have it all, you can’t do it all, advocate for yourself and establish boundaries, know your limits so your performance does not decrease. Don’t overcommit, do what you need to be at your optimum level/performance
- [ ] It can be difficult to stumble after you have found success. To see that it still takes you more time to get less done than others
- [ ] The fear of falling backwards, relapsing, or disappointing others
- [ ] What do you want? What do you need? What do you value? What do you need to get ride of
- [ ] What is your criteria for decision making. Mine is what takes me closer to my goals, what is stimulating, and what I want to do

- [ ] Organizing yourself in the world
- [ ] I measure myself worth based on my ability to manage my ADHD, what I have accomplished, and what I am working on
- [ ] Your organization will be best when it has meaning and purpose, you will be more motivated to do things when they are meaningful and purposeful
- [ ] This book has many elements of Frankel and Campbell
- [ ] Know when your brain operates best. This will help you be at your best
- [ ] Six variables for your brain: stimulation, structure, support, speed, degree of difficulty, degree of control
- [ ] These six things are important, use them as a guide
- [ ] It’s a balance, not too much and not too little
- [ ] Again the authentic self, who you are really, not who you ought to be
- [ ] I have designed a life around my ADHD and managing my ADHD. Almost everything I do in some way has to do with managing my ADHD
- [ ] AH, maybe what I have to change is being proud of things other than my ADHD management
- [ ] How do the variables play out, when are they active, which are higher/lower, how are they impacting your life, what are the circumstances - they are always changing, use them as a guide

- [ ] Adding connection to protection
- [ ] All areas of life can benefit from boundaries
- [ ] Have connections but also protect yourself
- [ ] I lower boundaries to people please
- [ ] At this point in your development no longer feel the need to withdraw, hide, or you deserve to be mistreated in relationships but you may still feel the fear or desire to
- [ ] The family may resist your change
- [ ] Notice, observe the fear, what is the source and why is it provoking the response
- [ ] When you notice it is from the past earlier in the journey, it will have less power over you
- [ ] Don’t wait for perfect understanding
- [ ] Give authentic self
- [ ] Respect your authentic self
- [ ] Think about your denial of self to people please
- [ ] Protection connection continuum
- [ ] Barriers/fears
- [ ] Fear of conflict, fear of change, fear of rejection, setting limits, saying no to others needs, questioning long standing rules/roles, saying yes to myself
- [ ] What stops you

- [ ] I am proud of my home because it is built around ADHD management
- [ ] Respectful relationships: each party validates the others point of view and wishes at the same time setting limits and communicating their own needs and differences
- [ ] Five steps to communication - SAETY
- [ ] S: separate ADHD from your core sense of self
- [ ] F: figure out what you need
- [ ] E: express your understanding and appreciation of the other person
- [ ] T: tell the other person about your difficulty and your needs
- [ ] Y: give suggestions
- [ ] Rephrasing: even though x that does not mean y or even though a I am still b
- [ ] Focus on problem solving, not you as the problem
- [ ] Validation/appreciation
- [ ] People are not mind readers, communicate
- [ ] Describe don’t characterize
- [ ] This is a great section that I need to reread - the five steps
- [ ] Advocate for yourself, establish boundaries, communicate
- [ ] You don’t ever have to mention ADHD, amazing chapter
- [ ] Your strengths and needs
- [ ] Suggestions not demands

- [ ] The journeys end: success from the inside
- [ ] There is not perfect end point, but constant readjustments
- [ ] ADHD is not your life and not you, stop viewing it as a battle

- [ ] Personal bill of rights
- [ ] Use the appendix
- [ ] Importance of therapeutic relationship with the therapist
- [ ] Detailed and instructive appendix, for the ADHD and the professional

I have to change my ideas about my ADHD and my interaction with it. I really want to become more involved with ADHD, through support groups, trainings, conferences, and helping others with the disorder. This book is a great first step to take on this journey. I luckily have a psychical copy and will dive in to questions, work sheets, and projects that are suggested at the end of each chapter.

This is an amazing book and perfect for what I was looking for. This is an more advance book about the journey of ADHD and less about the technical details of ADHD. I would recommend this book for people that already have some foundation in the disorder and how it impacts their life, not for the newly diagnosed. I love the journey approach to ADHD. It is a mix of Campbell, Frankl, 12 step, Hallowell, and Ratey. It is fantastic. Highly recommend.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought that the four stories/case studies that this book followed were helpful illustrations of the different ways that ADD can manifest in a person's life.

[Elisabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gosh, this book is freaking fantastic. I got it from the library, but I will have to buy it. It makes a world of difference that the author herself has ADHD, and is a professional in the field. Her insight on the less obvious effects of adhd is astounding. I would recommend this to any adult, or even teen adhders!

[Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the use of case studies, which I found both illustrated the points the author was making and helped me to connect with the information. With this subject matter I am finding the personal much easier to relate to than the abstract. As I understand it there can be many different presentations and one individuals may share very few symptoms with another, so lists of symptoms or generalised descriptions can miss the mark.

The author is clearly very experienced in this area, and for me she succeeds in translate the step by step approach she might take working with an individual client into book form. She’s also very aware of the many potential emotional reactions and behaviours following the realisation that an individual may not be neurotypical. Therefore I would say that this book is a particularly useful resource for anyone struggling with these issues but unable to get, or afford, support.

However Appendix 2 is entitled ‘tools for mental health professionals’, and so this is also a very useful resource for anyone working with or supporting neurodivergent people (particularly as the structure of the book as whole mimics her own approach with her clients).

[Manveen Kaur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think Solden’s personal experiences and professional expertise make the book relatable and informative. Her three-step approach—focusing on the brain, the self, and the self in the world—offers a framework for understanding and managing ADHD.

While I appreciated the depth and compassion in Solden’s writing, I am still uncertain about its practical impact on my daily life as a woman with ADHD.

But, the book’s ability to resonate with my experiences and provide a sense of community and understanding earns it a solid 5 stars from me. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Esther* · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic and incredibly insightful. I listened to it in a hurry as it was about to disappear from Audible’s free library but I want to buy a hard copy and study it properly. I’ve read a few books that are useful introductions to ADHD - this one is excellent for next steps, once you’ve understood more about how it affects your every day life. It has very practical examples and it walks the reader through reflective exercises that can really make a difference in embracing the positive aspects of ADHD and reframing the negative ones.

[Iris Shields · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! So incredibly helpful!! I have just been diagnosed at mid-life and this book is an eye opener as well as incredibly re-assuring and helpful for me on this new journey of self discovery and healing! <3

[Mr R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful as an account of the journey of identity transformation that comes with an adult diagnosis of ADHD

[Maddie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dnf :( I felt like she was pushing meds as the main thing you need to function as an adult with ADHD. Might try it again later… not sure I’m a fan

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book hoping it would be a window into real people's troubles due to ADHD and how they overcame them. Many of the stories delivered, particularly Dean's story. I would certainly recommend reading this book to anyone who wants to understand some irritating quirks of the ADHD brain and how friends and partners can work around them.

[Scott Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great and informative book about Adult ADD. It will help those suffering with this disorder cope and build strategies on how to live a productive life. I really enjoyed the authors insight.

[Jamey · Rating 2 out of 5]

OK so far...

[Allison Thurman]

Library

[Dipesh Sharma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book. I understand myself better now, but if only I can remember.....

[Ardis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for learning how to integrate an ADHD diagnosis into your identity. Takes you through the stages of the journey to acceptance and living a more balanced life with ADHD.

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[J · Rating 3 out of 5]

it was good, got some new ideas.