NEW-How We Love, Expanded Edition: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

by Milan Yerkovich

Genres: Marriage

352 pages, Paperback

About the author

Milan Yerkovich is a weekly talk show host on the New Life Live! radio program. An ordained pastor with a master’s degree in biblical studies, he has been helping couples and families build healthier relationships for more than twenty-five years. Previously a pastoral counselor for The Center for Individual and Family Therapy, Milan now teaches seminars on relationships and intimacy and is cofounder of Relationship 180°, a non-profit ministry for Christian leaders and laity.

Reviews

[Erin]

Therapy homework 8)

The religious aspects of this book did nooooot work for me. But the relationship style stuff did help a lot. More eloquent thoughts later, maybe.

[Alex]

i read this book mostly because it was given to me and i’m interested in attachment theory. as someone with an academic background in psychology, it was very strange to read the self-help version of clinical concepts we’re taught, but i could see how it would be useful to some couples.
this book does have a somewhat condescending tone as other reviews noted, obviously it’s overtly christian which i was prepared for an accepted at the beginning, but its depiction of gender is really where it falls off.
at times it’s clear the authors intended to balance social norms by saying “even women can be avoiders!” but often descriptions and examples are deeply gendered, especially surrounding sex, which was particularly disturbing to me. this trope of men being hyper sexual and women having lower desire is so disgusting and damaging to both genders, and i would hope that milan and kay would know better, especially as spiritual leaders.
aside from that it’s just attachment theory-lite which is fine, it was lacking in depth for me, but it’s fine. i wish the gender nonsense wasn’t present so i could actually recommend this book to couples i know who would benefit from it, but that element is too embarrassing to even address to anyone i respect. i can’t recommend this book.

[Katie Vaughan]

Good to find out what my instinct reaction is in conflict (people pleaser, avoider, etc). It laid out my tendencies almost exactly which is wild. Also gave good practicals to help move away from the instinct. The writing went back and forth between stories of experiences of couples and then explaining the love style, which I liked. There were some parts that were pretty repetitive and saying the same thing but in different fonts. Overall insightful!

[Krista Page]

This book opened my eyes to so many childhood truths. The whole book felt like a therapy session. I learned and grew.