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Number Go Up: Inside Crypto's Wild Rise and Staggering Fall
In 2021 cryptocurrency went mainstream. Giant investment funds were buying it; celebrities like Tom Brady endorsed it; and TV ads hailed it as the future of money. Hardly anyone knew how it worked—but why bother with the particulars when everyone was making a fortune from Dogecoin, Shiba Inu, or some other bizarrely named “digital asset”?
As he observed this frenzy, investigative reporter Zeke Faux had a nagging feeling: Was it all just a confidence game of epic proportions? What started as curiosity—with a dash of FOMO—would morph into a two-year, globe-spanning quest to understand the wizards behind the world’s new financial machinery. Faux’s investigation would lead him to a schlubby, frizzy-haired twenty-nine-year-old named Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF for short) and a host of other crypto scammers, utopians, and overnight billionaires.
Faux follows the trail to a luxury resort in the Bahamas, where SBF boldly declares that he will use his crypto fortune to save the world. Faux talks his way onto the yacht of a former child actor turned crypto impresario and gains access to “ApeFest,” an elite party headlined by Snoop Dogg, by purchasing a $20,000 image of a cartoon monkey. In El Salvador, Faux learns what happens when a country wagers its treasury on Bitcoin, and in the Philippines, he stumbles upon a Pokémon knockoff mobile game touted by boosters as a cure for poverty. In an astonishing development, a spam text leads Faux to Cambodia, where he uncovers a crypto-powered human-trafficking ring.
When the bubble suddenly bursts in 2022, Faux brings readers inside SBF’s penthouse as the fallen crypto king faces his imminent arrest. Fueled by the absurd details and authoritative reporting that earned Zeke Faux the accolade “our great poet of crime” from Money Stuff columnist Matt Levine, Number Go Up is the essential chronicle, by turns harrowing and uproarious, of a $3 trillion financial delusion.
As he observed this frenzy, investigative reporter Zeke Faux had a nagging feeling: Was it all just a confidence game of epic proportions? What started as curiosity—with a dash of FOMO—would morph into a two-year, globe-spanning quest to understand the wizards behind the world’s new financial machinery. Faux’s investigation would lead him to a schlubby, frizzy-haired twenty-nine-year-old named Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF for short) and a host of other crypto scammers, utopians, and overnight billionaires.
Faux follows the trail to a luxury resort in the Bahamas, where SBF boldly declares that he will use his crypto fortune to save the world. Faux talks his way onto the yacht of a former child actor turned crypto impresario and gains access to “ApeFest,” an elite party headlined by Snoop Dogg, by purchasing a $20,000 image of a cartoon monkey. In El Salvador, Faux learns what happens when a country wagers its treasury on Bitcoin, and in the Philippines, he stumbles upon a Pokémon knockoff mobile game touted by boosters as a cure for poverty. In an astonishing development, a spam text leads Faux to Cambodia, where he uncovers a crypto-powered human-trafficking ring.
When the bubble suddenly bursts in 2022, Faux brings readers inside SBF’s penthouse as the fallen crypto king faces his imminent arrest. Fueled by the absurd details and authoritative reporting that earned Zeke Faux the accolade “our great poet of crime” from Money Stuff columnist Matt Levine, Number Go Up is the essential chronicle, by turns harrowing and uproarious, of a $3 trillion financial delusion.
473 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 12, 2023
879 people are currently reading
10950 people want to read
About the author
Zeke Faux
4 books163 followersZeke Faux is an investigative reporter for Bloomberg Businessweek and Bloomberg News. He’s a winner of the Gerald Loeb Award and the American Bar Association’s Silver Gavel Award and a National Magazine Award finalist. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife and three children.
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June 14, 2024reading as a hater
September 24, 2023
What a great book. It takes a fundamentally incomprehensible phenomenon and turns it into a completely riveting, bleakly humorous, and appalling tale of greed and inanity. That description fails to mention outright pernicious evil doing in the shape of slave labor to perpetuate the scams fostered by crypto currencies. Crypto is truly an instance of no there there, yet that nothing gets spun into fortunes and frauds of gobsmacking dimensions.
Zeke Faux is a great writer. Throughout his globe-spanning reporting he shows his nerves of steel, his persistence, his eye for detail, and hangs on to his moral compass. Highly recommended.
Zeke Faux is a great writer. Throughout his globe-spanning reporting he shows his nerves of steel, his persistence, his eye for detail, and hangs on to his moral compass. Highly recommended.
November 3, 2023
Eta: SBF convicted! Good news indeed.
I usually don't review books I read for work, but this one is very current and entertaining, so I will make an exception. (There may be more exceptions in the coming months as my work has somehow, at least temporarily, coincided with popular culture.)
Zeke Faux is currently an investigative reporter for Bloomberg, Making financial crime interesting to laymen is his beat, and he is very good at it. The in-your-face Ponzi scheme that was the NFT market, and the larger but less comprehensive Ponzi scheme that is the cryptocurrency market make for a seriously fun caper tale, though unfortunately one that funded brutal governments and human trafficking rings and left many gullible people destitute.
This book represents more than 5 years reporting on the strange underworld of crypto with its massive drug ingestion and sad parties filled with lonely people with bad hygiene and a propensity for believing in magical thinking even when they knew things were based on lies because they were the ones telling those lies. As it happens, Faux picked well in identifying two of the men he wished to focus on. Sam Bankman-Fried has become crypto's most infamous huckster. This brilliant, depressed narcissist is a perfect poster boy. Faux gives him more dimension than most of what I have read, and I was thankful for that. It added a lot to my understanding of how this unshowered, rumpled, matted man-child could also be a monumentally ballsy thief. I wish we could have learned more about his inner circle (who are all currently testifying against him), but we get a little very interesting info. Who knew such evil lurked in the hearts of math camp attendees? The other focus was on Giancarlo Devasini who somehow ended up a crypto billionaire and CEO of Bitfinex and Tether (the last man standing in crypto.) Devasini is the sketchiest person in the world as far as I can tell. (He quit being a plastic surgeon to open a business creating and selling counterfeit DVDs for Bitcoin on the dark web.) There are other major players, but these two get the most time and with good reason. Another place Faux goes is to talking about the celebrity huckstering of NFTs by people from Snoop Dog to Jimmy Fallon to Paris Hilton to Tom & Giselle. They brought the ruin of ugly monkey NFTs to the common man and made millions doing so. Shame on them. Speaking of which, a thing I really liked was that he included info about how many people invested in crypto, and especially in NFTs, for the "community" it brought them. That broke my heart. Wagering your last red cent to feel part of a group is a truly tragic brand of loneliness. That was something I had not thought about before and it made me think of all of this differently.
I like what he did here, and enjoyed every moment of it. I have read a lot about crypto over the past 5 years, and this is the most fun read by a mile. I have a couple beefs though. First, in trying to make the blockchain understandable he offers a TLDR definition of the way blockchain works that is simply wrong. I think it is misleading, and makes it easier to bring home his point that the crypto stuff was obviously a ruse. That isn't fair to the people who bought into to something far less seemingly ridiculous than what he frames here (though it was and is ridiculous even when explained correctly.) This is especially important because blockchain has many other applications, current and potential. Faux should not be slamming people for giving the public false info that hampers their ability to assess things and then give them false information that hampers their ability to assess things. The second issue is that Faux makes some really sad and ridiculous people look even stupider than they are for buying into this. Not the grifters at the head of this mess, but the people at the parties who scraped together 100k or whatever just to feel cool for 2 hours. They are sad, not funny.
Overall an informative and fun read. If you like Michael Lewis books you will like this. This is a 4+, but the fundamental misstep in explaining crypto won't let me give this a 5.
I usually don't review books I read for work, but this one is very current and entertaining, so I will make an exception. (There may be more exceptions in the coming months as my work has somehow, at least temporarily, coincided with popular culture.)
Zeke Faux is currently an investigative reporter for Bloomberg, Making financial crime interesting to laymen is his beat, and he is very good at it. The in-your-face Ponzi scheme that was the NFT market, and the larger but less comprehensive Ponzi scheme that is the cryptocurrency market make for a seriously fun caper tale, though unfortunately one that funded brutal governments and human trafficking rings and left many gullible people destitute.
This book represents more than 5 years reporting on the strange underworld of crypto with its massive drug ingestion and sad parties filled with lonely people with bad hygiene and a propensity for believing in magical thinking even when they knew things were based on lies because they were the ones telling those lies. As it happens, Faux picked well in identifying two of the men he wished to focus on. Sam Bankman-Fried has become crypto's most infamous huckster. This brilliant, depressed narcissist is a perfect poster boy. Faux gives him more dimension than most of what I have read, and I was thankful for that. It added a lot to my understanding of how this unshowered, rumpled, matted man-child could also be a monumentally ballsy thief. I wish we could have learned more about his inner circle (who are all currently testifying against him), but we get a little very interesting info. Who knew such evil lurked in the hearts of math camp attendees? The other focus was on Giancarlo Devasini who somehow ended up a crypto billionaire and CEO of Bitfinex and Tether (the last man standing in crypto.) Devasini is the sketchiest person in the world as far as I can tell. (He quit being a plastic surgeon to open a business creating and selling counterfeit DVDs for Bitcoin on the dark web.) There are other major players, but these two get the most time and with good reason. Another place Faux goes is to talking about the celebrity huckstering of NFTs by people from Snoop Dog to Jimmy Fallon to Paris Hilton to Tom & Giselle. They brought the ruin of ugly monkey NFTs to the common man and made millions doing so. Shame on them. Speaking of which, a thing I really liked was that he included info about how many people invested in crypto, and especially in NFTs, for the "community" it brought them. That broke my heart. Wagering your last red cent to feel part of a group is a truly tragic brand of loneliness. That was something I had not thought about before and it made me think of all of this differently.
I like what he did here, and enjoyed every moment of it. I have read a lot about crypto over the past 5 years, and this is the most fun read by a mile. I have a couple beefs though. First, in trying to make the blockchain understandable he offers a TLDR definition of the way blockchain works that is simply wrong. I think it is misleading, and makes it easier to bring home his point that the crypto stuff was obviously a ruse. That isn't fair to the people who bought into to something far less seemingly ridiculous than what he frames here (though it was and is ridiculous even when explained correctly.) This is especially important because blockchain has many other applications, current and potential. Faux should not be slamming people for giving the public false info that hampers their ability to assess things and then give them false information that hampers their ability to assess things. The second issue is that Faux makes some really sad and ridiculous people look even stupider than they are for buying into this. Not the grifters at the head of this mess, but the people at the parties who scraped together 100k or whatever just to feel cool for 2 hours. They are sad, not funny.
Overall an informative and fun read. If you like Michael Lewis books you will like this. This is a 4+, but the fundamental misstep in explaining crypto won't let me give this a 5.
January 28, 2024
I uhhhhh. Yeah. That’s how it happened. Can confirm.
I’ve been tangential to crypto since the Silk Road days. Back when you used to be able to buy sheets of acid with bitcoin at $400 a coin, shipped to you in a cheap teapot wrapped in saran wrap (not that I would ever do that, but that’s how I would imagine it would work, hypothetically). And it’s not because I was deeply into crypto on an ideological level, it’s just that I kind of grew up on the internet and I’ve always been curious about how things like this work.
So fast forward several cycles, when Covid hit, I had gone back to school and was beyond frustrated with my CS engineering program, so I taught myself some Solidity and got deep into it. Winning a hackathon and using subsequent grant money to work on a small protocol. Eventually folding things up because I realized use cases were too far away to be practical (and because I ran out of grant money).
I’ve met a few of these guys, and this book seems to be pretty spot on for a lot of my observations of the DeFi space. I remember working away at a hacker house during Consensus and talking to the guy next to me about who was running close to $50m a day in transaction volume through his MEV strategies. I found most people to be reasonable, and was always curious about some of the largest names, which this book has demystified some.
So this is a good overview of the top line people and projects around the most recent cycle. I think, with a primary focus on DeFi and projects that went boom rather than say L1s or other projects that are still chugging along. I think the book does a good job telling that story but skims over the other parts. The NFT craze was special sort of absurd, and while there's a chapter or two, SO much was missed. I found myself pretty deep in the Solana ecosystem during that time so got to see a lot of it firsthand. 5 years ago we used to joke about "the uber for X" as a business model, I remember being at a Solana hackathon and hearing every other person pitch their idea as "NFT's for X." I think my favorite bad idea was using blockchain as a reward system for drinking energy drinks. Like bro, thats just pepsi points remade. DAO's aren't mentioned, maybe because their time hasn't quite come yet. Maybe because it's mostly a bad idea, I think it's the latter, we will see.
It's weird being in a bubble while it's happening, I'd like to think I didn't buy the hype as much as others, but there definitely was a "oh god those guys raised how much, they haven't shipped anything?!" attitude I saw from many engineer types that I found myself commonly thinking. You go to a meetup or conference and kind of instantly tell if people were larping (pretending to do something) or actually building things. Mostly by how much eye contact they made.
Mentally, I sort of split people into builders, finance people, artists, and dreamers. Dreamers being a polite way of categorizing the people who would tell you all about their idea to "reinvent" some part of the world, but with them in charge of it and they would magnanimously give you a small percent of the bounty if only you would build the whole damn thing for them. Artists being the designers and NFT people, who usually thew the best parties. Builders being the guys who could tell you about how they were bridging security protocols between disparate L1's and usually had their own personal projects called something like MEV-geth-FRV38 that just pushed $800 million in transactions through while collecting $3,000,000 in transaction fees.
And lastly the finance bros. The core of this book. Most weren't very technical. Most I met would look at you in a sort of "how much are your kidneys worth" way. I think the space attracted a lot of people who were online poker players years ago, who built the minimum necessary to extract value from the system. Theye a special type of smart, not in the raw horsepower way like some of the programmers I met, but in a "this is how to work the system" way. A lot of fanfare has been made about how sociopathy is prevalent in CEO's and such, and I think that probably had non-negligible effects here, combined with the depersonalization of the systems at play. People aren't personal when they're just wallets. And we see the effects chronicled well in this book.
Im curious to see how the space evolves because I don't think it's going anywhere. The technology is just that, technology. Having been in the weeds, I can tell you it's just a really mathematical way to try and decentralize systems. This book (again accurately IMO) points out that most of the "decentralized systems" were decentralized ponzi schemes, where the primary purpose was to extract transaction fees while everyone piled in, and to not be left holding the bag when they all inevitably bailed out. So much money piled in in such a short time, that people spent most of their energy just copying whatever was popular instead of working on useful shit.
So this is sort of the Liars Poker to me of the most recent cycle. An easy read, not very technical, with a sort of quest to find the Tether people at the center of a lot of interesting stories and a reasonable synthesis of the ride. Web3 is dead, long live whatever nonsense people think up next.
I’ve been tangential to crypto since the Silk Road days. Back when you used to be able to buy sheets of acid with bitcoin at $400 a coin, shipped to you in a cheap teapot wrapped in saran wrap (not that I would ever do that, but that’s how I would imagine it would work, hypothetically). And it’s not because I was deeply into crypto on an ideological level, it’s just that I kind of grew up on the internet and I’ve always been curious about how things like this work.
So fast forward several cycles, when Covid hit, I had gone back to school and was beyond frustrated with my CS engineering program, so I taught myself some Solidity and got deep into it. Winning a hackathon and using subsequent grant money to work on a small protocol. Eventually folding things up because I realized use cases were too far away to be practical (and because I ran out of grant money).
I’ve met a few of these guys, and this book seems to be pretty spot on for a lot of my observations of the DeFi space. I remember working away at a hacker house during Consensus and talking to the guy next to me about who was running close to $50m a day in transaction volume through his MEV strategies. I found most people to be reasonable, and was always curious about some of the largest names, which this book has demystified some.
So this is a good overview of the top line people and projects around the most recent cycle. I think, with a primary focus on DeFi and projects that went boom rather than say L1s or other projects that are still chugging along. I think the book does a good job telling that story but skims over the other parts. The NFT craze was special sort of absurd, and while there's a chapter or two, SO much was missed. I found myself pretty deep in the Solana ecosystem during that time so got to see a lot of it firsthand. 5 years ago we used to joke about "the uber for X" as a business model, I remember being at a Solana hackathon and hearing every other person pitch their idea as "NFT's for X." I think my favorite bad idea was using blockchain as a reward system for drinking energy drinks. Like bro, thats just pepsi points remade. DAO's aren't mentioned, maybe because their time hasn't quite come yet. Maybe because it's mostly a bad idea, I think it's the latter, we will see.
It's weird being in a bubble while it's happening, I'd like to think I didn't buy the hype as much as others, but there definitely was a "oh god those guys raised how much, they haven't shipped anything?!" attitude I saw from many engineer types that I found myself commonly thinking. You go to a meetup or conference and kind of instantly tell if people were larping (pretending to do something) or actually building things. Mostly by how much eye contact they made.
Mentally, I sort of split people into builders, finance people, artists, and dreamers. Dreamers being a polite way of categorizing the people who would tell you all about their idea to "reinvent" some part of the world, but with them in charge of it and they would magnanimously give you a small percent of the bounty if only you would build the whole damn thing for them. Artists being the designers and NFT people, who usually thew the best parties. Builders being the guys who could tell you about how they were bridging security protocols between disparate L1's and usually had their own personal projects called something like MEV-geth-FRV38 that just pushed $800 million in transactions through while collecting $3,000,000 in transaction fees.
And lastly the finance bros. The core of this book. Most weren't very technical. Most I met would look at you in a sort of "how much are your kidneys worth" way. I think the space attracted a lot of people who were online poker players years ago, who built the minimum necessary to extract value from the system. Theye a special type of smart, not in the raw horsepower way like some of the programmers I met, but in a "this is how to work the system" way. A lot of fanfare has been made about how sociopathy is prevalent in CEO's and such, and I think that probably had non-negligible effects here, combined with the depersonalization of the systems at play. People aren't personal when they're just wallets. And we see the effects chronicled well in this book.
Im curious to see how the space evolves because I don't think it's going anywhere. The technology is just that, technology. Having been in the weeds, I can tell you it's just a really mathematical way to try and decentralize systems. This book (again accurately IMO) points out that most of the "decentralized systems" were decentralized ponzi schemes, where the primary purpose was to extract transaction fees while everyone piled in, and to not be left holding the bag when they all inevitably bailed out. So much money piled in in such a short time, that people spent most of their energy just copying whatever was popular instead of working on useful shit.
So this is sort of the Liars Poker to me of the most recent cycle. An easy read, not very technical, with a sort of quest to find the Tether people at the center of a lot of interesting stories and a reasonable synthesis of the ride. Web3 is dead, long live whatever nonsense people think up next.
December 12, 2023
Cryptocurrency is nothing more or less than a speculative investment market.
I've read a fair amount about cryptocurrency but don't claim to be an expert by any means. I found Number Go Up to be the best of what I've read not only for its timely investigative journalism but this was also very entertaining and engaging. This is the answer to "What should I read instead of Michael Lewis' Going Infinite" which seems to be a blunder for that author.
At any rate, the author here gives a nice personal account of his investigation into the bizarre emergence of Bitcoin and everything that has happened since. You'll get a brief history and tutorial of how crypto "works" with its origins in sanctimony and would-be economic revolution that has clearly degenerated into a speculative investment and a Ponzi scheme that has landed billionaires in jail and also the seedy underbelly where it is used in Cambodian slave enclaves to trick people all over the world. The author had several interviews and just hung out with Sam Brinkman-Fried, the now convicted FTX owner who will likely get a lengthy sentencing soon.
Crypto started as a revolution where its digital currency is open to all on the block chain, a kind of open access ledger to keep the system honest. It's weird how crypto acolytes don't seem to grasp the very fundamental reason we stopped doing the gold standard years ago: deflation. But I digress that point and move onto my next point: cryptocurrency is nothing more or less than a speculative investment. As long as the price went up for bitcoin or any of the other coins, then buying the currency was a very lucrative investment. This is why you saw crypto bros all over Tiktok and social media a few years ago talking about crypto like it was going to change the world: they simply wanted the price and demand to rise so they could cash in. And cash in they did and many made a LOT of money. Crypto’s value is in its mystique and cultural cache. This explains why the prices just keep rising with celebrity endorsements and why NFTs became so incredibly valuable.
Of course the whole thing is just a bubble.
And bubbles burst.
NFTs and crypt prices recently nose dived leaving many with total losses. And then at the same time you have Sam Bankman-Fried, the alleged crypto wunderkind, who was literally just funneling money from his crypto exchange FTX right into a hedge fund, Alameda Research, which he owned. He lost track of like 9 billion dollars. He says it was an accounting error. What the rest of the world knows is that this is just another way of saying you were running a Ponzi scheme. Either unwittingly or not, doesn’t really matter bro. It’s all just so stupid and obvious in retrospect and in prospect as well.
The author then digs deeper into what are called Pig Butchering scams where a fake romantic relationship is started (you’ve probably gotten the texts) which then leads their victims to invest in crypto. The author actually went to Cambodia and interviewed people who said they were literally kidnapped and imprisoned to run these scams behind locked doors. And then there was the point recently where the El Salvadorian president officially changed his country’s currency to crypto. Well, the author went there and guess what? Hardly anyone was accepting it. When he asked a Salvadoran woman what she thought of crypto she said something like “I don’t have any money at all, how does bitcoin help me?”
At its best crypto is a speculative investment, at its worst it's a quasi-religious utopian dream where its only real world impact has been to swindle people of their investment and help criminals launder their money. Sorry, I won’t be investing.
Great book, highly recommended.
I've read a fair amount about cryptocurrency but don't claim to be an expert by any means. I found Number Go Up to be the best of what I've read not only for its timely investigative journalism but this was also very entertaining and engaging. This is the answer to "What should I read instead of Michael Lewis' Going Infinite" which seems to be a blunder for that author.
At any rate, the author here gives a nice personal account of his investigation into the bizarre emergence of Bitcoin and everything that has happened since. You'll get a brief history and tutorial of how crypto "works" with its origins in sanctimony and would-be economic revolution that has clearly degenerated into a speculative investment and a Ponzi scheme that has landed billionaires in jail and also the seedy underbelly where it is used in Cambodian slave enclaves to trick people all over the world. The author had several interviews and just hung out with Sam Brinkman-Fried, the now convicted FTX owner who will likely get a lengthy sentencing soon.
Crypto started as a revolution where its digital currency is open to all on the block chain, a kind of open access ledger to keep the system honest. It's weird how crypto acolytes don't seem to grasp the very fundamental reason we stopped doing the gold standard years ago: deflation. But I digress that point and move onto my next point: cryptocurrency is nothing more or less than a speculative investment. As long as the price went up for bitcoin or any of the other coins, then buying the currency was a very lucrative investment. This is why you saw crypto bros all over Tiktok and social media a few years ago talking about crypto like it was going to change the world: they simply wanted the price and demand to rise so they could cash in. And cash in they did and many made a LOT of money. Crypto’s value is in its mystique and cultural cache. This explains why the prices just keep rising with celebrity endorsements and why NFTs became so incredibly valuable.
Of course the whole thing is just a bubble.
And bubbles burst.
NFTs and crypt prices recently nose dived leaving many with total losses. And then at the same time you have Sam Bankman-Fried, the alleged crypto wunderkind, who was literally just funneling money from his crypto exchange FTX right into a hedge fund, Alameda Research, which he owned. He lost track of like 9 billion dollars. He says it was an accounting error. What the rest of the world knows is that this is just another way of saying you were running a Ponzi scheme. Either unwittingly or not, doesn’t really matter bro. It’s all just so stupid and obvious in retrospect and in prospect as well.
The author then digs deeper into what are called Pig Butchering scams where a fake romantic relationship is started (you’ve probably gotten the texts) which then leads their victims to invest in crypto. The author actually went to Cambodia and interviewed people who said they were literally kidnapped and imprisoned to run these scams behind locked doors. And then there was the point recently where the El Salvadorian president officially changed his country’s currency to crypto. Well, the author went there and guess what? Hardly anyone was accepting it. When he asked a Salvadoran woman what she thought of crypto she said something like “I don’t have any money at all, how does bitcoin help me?”
At its best crypto is a speculative investment, at its worst it's a quasi-religious utopian dream where its only real world impact has been to swindle people of their investment and help criminals launder their money. Sorry, I won’t be investing.
Great book, highly recommended.
October 23, 2023
It's odd that the book is this good, considering that it's the story of a failure. Faux really wants to find something on Tether, the stablecoin company, and while he ultimately uncovers a damning scheme, they are practically the only company that survives the 2022 crypto crash intact. Yet it's the journey, not the destination, and the insane cast of characters, essential nothingness of the crypto scheme, and real damage left in its wake is more than enough to carry the story, with a healthy dose of SBF's dissembling.
May 25, 2024
If you read this book looking to learn about crypto, have fun staying ignorant.
I very rarely give 1 star to a book. I do it when not only the book is poorly written but also when I have reason to suspect dishonesty from the author.
There so many things that are wrong about this book that I don't know where to start...
(1) a US-centric ego-centric gringo not getting how crypto actually helps billions of people bypass shitty monetary policy, bank requirements and capital controls in developing countries to enable saving and investing.
(2) apparently "studied crypto" for many years and didn't bother to understand the technical uniqueness of blockchains (calls them "basically a spreadsheet").
(3) stays at the salient level (loud personalities, scams, etc) and never bothers to dig deeper.
(4) calls USDT "Tethers" 🤦 and is madly obsessed with proving it insolvent (which he doesn't).
(5) completely backstabs almost everyone he talks to.
(6) is very confidently wrong about so many things that it sounds like the book was written by a hallucinating ChatGPT.
I came to this book trying to find a well written narrative about the FTX debacle, and I didn't even get that. Remind me never to read another book written by a journalist ಠ_ಠ
I very rarely give 1 star to a book. I do it when not only the book is poorly written but also when I have reason to suspect dishonesty from the author.
There so many things that are wrong about this book that I don't know where to start...
(1) a US-centric ego-centric gringo not getting how crypto actually helps billions of people bypass shitty monetary policy, bank requirements and capital controls in developing countries to enable saving and investing.
(2) apparently "studied crypto" for many years and didn't bother to understand the technical uniqueness of blockchains (calls them "basically a spreadsheet").
(3) stays at the salient level (loud personalities, scams, etc) and never bothers to dig deeper.
(4) calls USDT "Tethers" 🤦 and is madly obsessed with proving it insolvent (which he doesn't).
(5) completely backstabs almost everyone he talks to.
(6) is very confidently wrong about so many things that it sounds like the book was written by a hallucinating ChatGPT.
I came to this book trying to find a well written narrative about the FTX debacle, and I didn't even get that. Remind me never to read another book written by a journalist ಠ_ಠ
November 23, 2023
The book we all wanted Michael Lewis's book to be.
July 22, 2025
If you’re already aware of cryptocurrencies being not much more than get-rich-quick schemes and the go-to currencies for criminals, there’s not much for you in this book other than the author talking about himself for 300 pages. Kudos to him for his dogged worldwide reporting, but not much comes of it. Even when he has the opportunity to tell interesting stories of affected victims (eg he meets farmers in El Salvador whose land is being taken to build Bitcoin City), he doesn’t do so and continues to make the story about himself (eg the only thing we learn about the aforementioned farmers is that he met them).
November 21, 2023
Habe bisher etwa 30% gelesen und finde es inhaltlich richtig spannend. Die Anfänge der Kryptowährungen (die vermutlich noch aufrichtig waren in ihrem Interesse ein dezentrales Finanzsystem zu kreieren) und die darauffolgende Entwicklung zu Ponzi Schemes und Betrug werden super journalistisch aufgearbeitet.
Gut geschrieben :)
Gut geschrieben :)
November 12, 2024
Buckle up for the swashbuckling, volatile, roller coaster ride of cryptocurrency with Zeke Faux's phenomenal storytelling journalistic reporting in Number Go Up: Inside Crypto's Wild Rise and Staggering Fall. Faux traverses the globe to understand how cryptocurrency works including multiple trips to the Bahamas, a Miami cryptocurrency conference, and to Cambodia where cryptocurrency powered human trafficking.
Faux traveled to Ape Fest to try to understand why celebrities and wealthy individuals were spending insane amounts on monkey cartoons that did not have any intellectual property rights. Faux had a conversation with his wife about why he needed to purchase one of these monkey cartoons that is hilarious and tragic at the same time. FOMO (the fear of missing out) and the lure of the possibility of large buckets of money drives interesting behavior.
Highly recommend!
Faux traveled to Ape Fest to try to understand why celebrities and wealthy individuals were spending insane amounts on monkey cartoons that did not have any intellectual property rights. Faux had a conversation with his wife about why he needed to purchase one of these monkey cartoons that is hilarious and tragic at the same time. FOMO (the fear of missing out) and the lure of the possibility of large buckets of money drives interesting behavior.
Highly recommend!
December 28, 2023
รีวิวสั้นจากนักอ่านคนหนึ่งบน Goodreads สรุปหนังสือ Number Go Up ได้โดนใจมาก คือ “หนังสือที่เราทุกคนอยากให้เล่มของ Michael Lewis เป็น” เพราะเล่ม Going Infinite ของ Michael Lewis นักเขียนในดวงใจ เขียนถึงเรื่องเดียวกันคือวงการคริปโต แต่ออกมาน่าผิดหวังอย่างยิ่งเพราะ Lewis กลายร่างเป็นแฟนบอยและกองเชียร์ของ Sam Bankman-Fried ผู้ก่อตั้งกระดานเทรดคริปโต FTX ซึ่งวันนี้ (รวมถึงก่อนที่ Lewis จะเขียนหนังสือเสร็จ) มีหลักฐานชัดเจนว่าเป็น “อาชญากร” ที่โกงนักลงทุนในหลากหลายรูปแบบ ตั้งแต่ ฟอกเงิน หลอกลวง ฉ้อโกง ฯลฯ (แต่ยังเคยพูดอย่างหน้าตายว่า “ความผิดพลาดทางบัญชี” ทำให้เขาไม่รู้ว่าเงินหลายพันล้านเหรียญหายไปไหน)
Number Go Up เขียนโดย Zeke Faux นักข่าวสืบสวนสอบสวนมือฉมังประจำ Bloomberg ที่เกาะติดวงการคริปโตมานานหลายปี เล่มนี้นอกจากจะรวบรวมเรื่องราวของ “ฟองสบู่” ในวงการ รวมถึงกลเม็ดการหลอกล่อเหยื่อของบรรดาอาชญากรทั้งหลายที่ใช้คริปโตเป็นเครื่องมือต้มตุ๋นแล้ว ยังเป็นตัวอย่างของ “ข่าวเจาะ” ชั้นดีที่เรามีน้อยลงเรื่อย ๆ ในสังคมไทย ใครที่ไม่รู้เรื่องคริปโตมาก่อนก็อ่านเล่มนี้ได้ เพราะผู้เขียนอธิบาย “วิธีทำงาน” และ “ประวัติศาสตร์” ของวงการคริปโตตั้งแต่บิทคอย์นอย่างเข้าใจง่าย เนื้อหาที่ชอบที่สุดในหนังสือคือช่วงที่เขาเดินทางไปทำข่าวเจาะในเอลซัลวาดอร์ ประเทศแรกในโลกที่ประกาศรับบิทคอย์นเป็นเงินตราที่ถูกต้องตามกฎหมาย และการเดินทางไปสัมภาษณ์เหยื่อที่หนีตายจาก “ค่ายแรงงานทาสคอลเซ็นเตอร์” ในกัมพูชา ที่เจ้าของใช้คริปโตเป็นช่องทางฟอกเงิน
ทุกบทเล่าอย่างสนุกสนานด้วยสำนวนแสบสันต์วางไม่ลง ใครที่สนใจ “ด้านมืด” ของคริปโต อยากรู้ทันผู้ประกอบการแย่ ๆ ที่ขายฝันว่าคริปโตจะสร้างยูโทเปียแต่จ้องจะหาทางต้มตุ๋นตลอดเวลา เล่มนี้เล่มเดียวก็ “เอาอยู่” มาก ส่วนตัวนอกจากจะอยากให้ทุกคนอ่านแล้ว อยากให้นักข่าวสายธุรกิจในไทยได้อ่านด้วย เพื่อไปพูดคุยกันว่าวงการสื่อในไทยจะทำ “ข่าวเจาะ” ในโลกธุรกิจเจ๋ง ๆ แบบนี้ได้อย่างไร ในยุคที่สื่อตกอยู่ใต้อิทธิพลของสปอนเซอร์ไปเกือบหมดแล้ว :>
Number Go Up เขียนโดย Zeke Faux นักข่าวสืบสวนสอบสวนมือฉมังประจำ Bloomberg ที่เกาะติดวงการคริปโตมานานหลายปี เล่มนี้นอกจากจะรวบรวมเรื่องราวของ “ฟองสบู่” ในวงการ รวมถึงกลเม็ดการหลอกล่อเหยื่อของบรรดาอาชญากรทั้งหลายที่ใช้คริปโตเป็นเครื่องมือต้มตุ๋นแล้ว ยังเป็นตัวอย่างของ “ข่าวเจาะ” ชั้นดีที่เรามีน้อยลงเรื่อย ๆ ในสังคมไทย ใครที่ไม่รู้เรื่องคริปโตมาก่อนก็อ่านเล่มนี้ได้ เพราะผู้เขียนอธิบาย “วิธีทำงาน” และ “ประวัติศาสตร์” ของวงการคริปโตตั้งแต่บิทคอย์นอย่างเข้าใจง่าย เนื้อหาที่ชอบที่สุดในหนังสือคือช่วงที่เขาเดินทางไปทำข่าวเจาะในเอลซัลวาดอร์ ประเทศแรกในโลกที่ประกาศรับบิทคอย์นเป็นเงินตราที่ถูกต้องตามกฎหมาย และการเดินทางไปสัมภาษณ์เหยื่อที่หนีตายจาก “ค่ายแรงงานทาสคอลเซ็นเตอร์” ในกัมพูชา ที่เจ้าของใช้คริปโตเป็นช่องทางฟอกเงิน
ทุกบทเล่าอย่างสนุกสนานด้วยสำนวนแสบสันต์วางไม่ลง ใครที่สนใจ “ด้านมืด” ของคริปโต อยากรู้ทันผู้ประกอบการแย่ ๆ ที่ขายฝันว่าคริปโตจะสร้างยูโทเปียแต่จ้องจะหาทางต้มตุ๋นตลอดเวลา เล่มนี้เล่มเดียวก็ “เอาอยู่” มาก ส่วนตัวนอกจากจะอยากให้ทุกคนอ่านแล้ว อยากให้นักข่าวสายธุรกิจในไทยได้อ่านด้วย เพื่อไปพูดคุยกันว่าวงการสื่อในไทยจะทำ “ข่าวเจาะ” ในโลกธุรกิจเจ๋ง ๆ แบบนี้ได้อย่างไร ในยุคที่สื่อตกอยู่ใต้อิทธิพลของสปอนเซอร์ไปเกือบหมดแล้ว :>
October 14, 2023
If you want the insight into most crypto being just a Ponzi scheme, look no further. The book explains crypto, it’s clever marketing and how most of it ultimately failed. I still remember from the pandemic years how people would waste small fortunes on crypto art. Of course they are worthless now. If nothing else, that showed that zero interest rates leads to too much risk being taken in the market.
June 22, 2024
Something about tech bros is sooOooOOoo interesting to me so I ate this up. Faux handles them with an appropriate and balanced level of curiosity, skepticism, and disdain. It was especially delicious after following the SBF trial and knowing how it was all going to end up for him. I need another book like this but about AI bros next.
Read
March 11, 2024Investigative reporter Zeke Faux aims to connect the dots and provide an explanatory framework that shows how several bizarre and outlandish phenomena arising in the cryptocurrency landscape, such as the bankruptcy and fraud exposes of several coin types and cryptocurrency trade exchanges, the frat festivals promoting exclusivity based on ownership of exorbitantly priced digital art of grotesquely drawn apes, pay-to-play farms arising over mobile games, and prison-like labor of indentured workers lured from countries like Vietnam and Thailand to scam people for crypto, all make sense as one interconnected economic activity.
July 6, 2024
Jaw dropping…whole city blocks in Cambodia given over to keeping slaves toiling away trying to scam folks into sending them cryptocurrency…
The still astounding but smaller infamies on how many can be duped into buying worthless digital coins and NFTs that are nothing more than long lines of code…
That Tether has survived and now is buying T-bills bodes a dark and ominous future for US govt debt…
The still astounding but smaller infamies on how many can be duped into buying worthless digital coins and NFTs that are nothing more than long lines of code…
That Tether has survived and now is buying T-bills bodes a dark and ominous future for US govt debt…
January 5, 2024
The topic and the ensuing ridiculousness of crypto and NFTs makes for a great story, but could have been told better without Faux putting himself so much at the center of the story. While it twists and turns a bit, I feel like it’s more of a story of his investigation, rather than telling a great story on crypto
November 3, 2023
It read like the musings of a really jealous teenager. There wasn’t a cohesive or compelling narrative aside from “I hate crypto and so should you!” All currency gets used for bad things.
June 18, 2024
Imagine ever investing in crypto 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
May 12, 2024
3.5, prob would be 4 if I could possibly comprehend how people could sell pictures of stoned apes or Trump (NFTs) for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
But I can’t. Such a seamy underbelly of scammers and drug dealers and risk and unbelievable dystopian dreams. I felt like I was reading “Reamde” (N Stephenson) -or even Steppenwolf at times.
I’m still puzzled, but people been doing it for all of time. Scammers gonna scam. And 8 billion dollar in FTX crypto hs been located, and made money while it was lost. What do I know?
But I can’t. Such a seamy underbelly of scammers and drug dealers and risk and unbelievable dystopian dreams. I felt like I was reading “Reamde” (N Stephenson) -or even Steppenwolf at times.
I’m still puzzled, but people been doing it for all of time. Scammers gonna scam. And 8 billion dollar in FTX crypto hs been located, and made money while it was lost. What do I know?
October 12, 2023
Number Go Up : Inside Crypto’s Wild Rise and Staggering Fall (2023) by Zeke Faux is a very interesting and often amusing view into the crypto world and the 2022 crypto bubble burst. Faux is a reporter for Bloomberg.
The book features the owner of FTX Sam Bankman-Fried, Razzlekhan, the creator of Inspector Gadget Jean Chalopin, the former surgeon Giancarlo Devasini and a cast of other crypto celebrities. NFTs and in particular the Bored Ape NFT also appear. Faux tracks crypto and its uses around the world. He also goes into the abuses of crypto and how it’s used for cyber crime and how the people who fish for marks are abused.
It’s a remarkable story. The book has so many characters and stories it does get a little overwhelming at times, but the overall picture it gives of global crypto and its uses is second to none.
Number Go Up is very much worth a read. It makes an excellent book to pair with Going Infinite by Michael Lewis.
The book features the owner of FTX Sam Bankman-Fried, Razzlekhan, the creator of Inspector Gadget Jean Chalopin, the former surgeon Giancarlo Devasini and a cast of other crypto celebrities. NFTs and in particular the Bored Ape NFT also appear. Faux tracks crypto and its uses around the world. He also goes into the abuses of crypto and how it’s used for cyber crime and how the people who fish for marks are abused.
It’s a remarkable story. The book has so many characters and stories it does get a little overwhelming at times, but the overall picture it gives of global crypto and its uses is second to none.
Number Go Up is very much worth a read. It makes an excellent book to pair with Going Infinite by Michael Lewis.
February 7, 2024
For the panic of 1819 girlies
Eight likes and I’ll ask Zeke to get coffee with me while wearing one of my Celsius HODL T-shirts
Eight likes and I’ll ask Zeke to get coffee with me while wearing one of my Celsius HODL T-shirts
March 25, 2024
Liked this a lot; was very insightful! The only thing that surprised me was Faux's suggestion that it's crazy to put faith in 'the guy who produced Inspector Gadget'. I remember Inspector Gadget being VERY successful, so I could totally imagine how people would not perceive Jean Chalopin's history as a red flag? I know I would have given him my money. (And then it would have vanished, but hey..)
September 2, 2023
This was an interesting, informative , and well written time about crypto, and SBF. While I’ve kept up with crypt news and been a long time skeptic, there was still a lot of new to me information in this book.
Thanks for the giveaway copy!
Thanks for the giveaway copy!
January 1, 2026
I’m obsessed with crypto—not with owning it, but understanding why people buy it, hold it, cherish it, distinguish it, covet NFTs, etc. I’ve spent hours reading Reddit threads and watching YouTube trying to understand how it works and what makes it valuable, but until I read Number Go Up, it never quite registered.
Now I get it, and I still don’t want any.
Zeke Faux’s book is a funny, ruthless, procedural interrogation of this world of pirates, hucksters, and sham institutions. It reads like the script of a true crime podcast. 5 HODLs!
Now I get it, and I still don’t want any.
Zeke Faux’s book is a funny, ruthless, procedural interrogation of this world of pirates, hucksters, and sham institutions. It reads like the script of a true crime podcast. 5 HODLs!
April 17, 2024
What a bunch of gentleman in crypto industry. They followed flight safety instructions to the letter: First help yourself and then to others. They just skipped second part, because yourself is more important then others.
January 15, 2024
You might assume that Crypto is sketchy; I promise it’s worse than you think. This book is absolutely a must-read.
June 30, 2025
Yoooooo, this was cool. I was laughing so hard until I reached chapter 18. Then I was frightened. Very good non-fiction, highly recommend
September 16, 2024
Before reading this book I believe crytocurrency, NFTs, and their ilk were nothing more than a scam which happened to also assist crime. this book did nothing to dissuade me on this belief and in fact gave me a greater appreciation to just how much of a scam these product are. They are truly a 21st century tulip-craze with the added benefit of making money laundering a lot easier for some of the worst people in the world. Good job cryto-bros!
What started as an investigation into the financial solvency of a shady, but bedrock, currency (Tether) spiraled into a strange world for cryto-trading, NFTs, human trafficking, and big dreams build on foundations of sand. Fortunes were made and lost, people scammed, and billions of dollars of value are transacted in a shadowy grey market. Our journey with the author through his exploration lays bare the casino nature of this "world changing technology", we run across cynics, dreamers, crooks, techno-futurist cultists, and political opportunists. We see the rise and fall of one of the richest (on paper) people in the world (Bank-Friedman) due to crypto-trading shenanigans.
In the end the writer is unable to determine an answer to his first question: is Tether solvent? It might be, it was able to weather a small run on their token tot he scale of several billion dollars. but no independent audit has been fully carried out or released to the public and it currently sits on tens of billions of dollars of liabilities and is a significant tool in cryptocurrency liquidity. Should it prove unreliable billions upon billions of dollars of wealth could disappear overnight.
So yeah, don't put your nest egg in cryto.
What started as an investigation into the financial solvency of a shady, but bedrock, currency (Tether) spiraled into a strange world for cryto-trading, NFTs, human trafficking, and big dreams build on foundations of sand. Fortunes were made and lost, people scammed, and billions of dollars of value are transacted in a shadowy grey market. Our journey with the author through his exploration lays bare the casino nature of this "world changing technology", we run across cynics, dreamers, crooks, techno-futurist cultists, and political opportunists. We see the rise and fall of one of the richest (on paper) people in the world (Bank-Friedman) due to crypto-trading shenanigans.
In the end the writer is unable to determine an answer to his first question: is Tether solvent? It might be, it was able to weather a small run on their token tot he scale of several billion dollars. but no independent audit has been fully carried out or released to the public and it currently sits on tens of billions of dollars of liabilities and is a significant tool in cryptocurrency liquidity. Should it prove unreliable billions upon billions of dollars of wealth could disappear overnight.
So yeah, don't put your nest egg in cryto.
December 15, 2023
[int. a cafe]
PSST -- wanna get rich? Come closer. Listen up - this review is gonna be worth a lot of money. So I'm going to sell it to you. Think of it as an investment. I mean, not in the review, you're not going to own that, that would be silly because I wrote it. But what I AM going to sell you is a custom hyperlink TO this review, and that's basically the same thing right? And sure, maybe I'm going to sell a different hyperlink to somebody else that will also point back to this review, and inexplicably that will be worth more because we'll be able to track who owns each hyperlink, and the one I sold you is fresh whereas this other one was briefly sold to John Oliver before he realized this whole concept was silly and resold it. But that's not important, the important thing is that you own your own link to my review that nobody else can use! I mean, as long as you don't share that link with anybody, because if anyone else ever uses it then they become the owner of it and there's nothing you can do to get it back. This isn't a stock exchange or a bank or any of those silly "regulated" things. I mean, if you put your money in a bank instead, it's like...100x less likely to get stolen than if you buy this link to my review, and frankly that sounds boring. What's life like without a little zest, right?
I've sold you on the idea? Great! Wait, put your wallet away, money is a tool of The Man, we don't deal in that here. What you'll want to do is go across the street over there to that market that sells Ryancoin, which is exactly like money because it's pegged to the dollar, except that nobody can track who uses it or anything. It's really taken off in southeast Asia, Russia, the dark web...What? No, not because criminals engaging in scams, human trafficking, and violent shakedowns like untraceable money. It's a coincidence! Anyways so just go over there and get some Ryancoin and come back. But wait like...five minutes, I think the owner's out to lunch.
[you wait five minutes and walk over to the market, where I am waiting in a hat and fake beard]
Why yes, hello! I hear you'd like to buy Ryancoin with your real actual money, even though it's a thing I basically made up. That's great! So first, download this app onto your phone, jump through about fifty very sketchy website hurdles, and after about ten minutes of monkeying around, you have 500 Ryancoin! Wowee! Remember, this is pegged to the dollar so you can change this back into real money any time. I am definitely not printing money in the back, how dare you. That's a photocopier, can't you tell the difference?
[int. cafe]
Great! so what you do is now you hand me your phone, we'll go through another song and dance, and...hey, you have a link to the review now. But all of the people who've read the review think it's garbage, so apparently links to it are now worthless [except for that one that John Oliver briefly touched for some reason]. I don't know, I guess you might be able to sell it for like, 50 Ryancoin to that desperate mook out on the street. Definitely nobody's gonna pay you real money for it.
(...)
Oh hey, 50 Ryancoin! That's great! I'm glad you were able to get something valuable back in exchange for the link to this review. Huh? You want to change it back into real money because you're getting the distinct sense that this is all a ridiculous scam and you're upset that you lost all of your fake money betting the value of a link to this review would go up and instead it imploded? I don't understand your lack of faith -- the guy across the street bought me this Ferrari, which is a real tangible asset worth a bunch of money, and he wouldn't have been able to do that if this were a bunch of hooey, would he? ...You're still certain you want out? I mean, that's unfortunate, but that guy across the street can probably change it back for you.
[you go back across the street. After waiting several minutes, the man who looks a lot like me in a hat and fake beard comes rushing in from the back, slightly out of breath]
What? You want to change Ryancoin back into real dollars? You know, I'd love to help you out, but there's been a run on our reserves. You're saying that shouldn't matter because every Ryancoin was pegged to the dollar and guaranteed? I mean I did say that but not in like, a legally binding sense. What do you think this is, a bank? A stock exchange? It's not federally regulated, I thought I -- um, I mean, that guy in the cafe across the street, not me -- explained to you earlier why that's such a great thing. Don't you feel great? Anyway, the short version is I'm all out of actual money, so I can't actually trade back your real money at this exact moment in time. But if you just have a little patience, I'm sure more people will buy Ryancoin eventually, and then those people will think Ryancoin has value, so yours will also have value again, and then maybe you can get your money back. I dunno, I hope it works out for you.
(speeds off in a Ferrari, which is strange, because you could've sworn it was the guy in the cafe selling review links who owned the Ferrari, not the owner of the Ryancoin exchange. Oh well, you'll figure it out someday)
PSST -- wanna get rich? Come closer. Listen up - this review is gonna be worth a lot of money. So I'm going to sell it to you. Think of it as an investment. I mean, not in the review, you're not going to own that, that would be silly because I wrote it. But what I AM going to sell you is a custom hyperlink TO this review, and that's basically the same thing right? And sure, maybe I'm going to sell a different hyperlink to somebody else that will also point back to this review, and inexplicably that will be worth more because we'll be able to track who owns each hyperlink, and the one I sold you is fresh whereas this other one was briefly sold to John Oliver before he realized this whole concept was silly and resold it. But that's not important, the important thing is that you own your own link to my review that nobody else can use! I mean, as long as you don't share that link with anybody, because if anyone else ever uses it then they become the owner of it and there's nothing you can do to get it back. This isn't a stock exchange or a bank or any of those silly "regulated" things. I mean, if you put your money in a bank instead, it's like...100x less likely to get stolen than if you buy this link to my review, and frankly that sounds boring. What's life like without a little zest, right?
I've sold you on the idea? Great! Wait, put your wallet away, money is a tool of The Man, we don't deal in that here. What you'll want to do is go across the street over there to that market that sells Ryancoin, which is exactly like money because it's pegged to the dollar, except that nobody can track who uses it or anything. It's really taken off in southeast Asia, Russia, the dark web...What? No, not because criminals engaging in scams, human trafficking, and violent shakedowns like untraceable money. It's a coincidence! Anyways so just go over there and get some Ryancoin and come back. But wait like...five minutes, I think the owner's out to lunch.
[you wait five minutes and walk over to the market, where I am waiting in a hat and fake beard]
Why yes, hello! I hear you'd like to buy Ryancoin with your real actual money, even though it's a thing I basically made up. That's great! So first, download this app onto your phone, jump through about fifty very sketchy website hurdles, and after about ten minutes of monkeying around, you have 500 Ryancoin! Wowee! Remember, this is pegged to the dollar so you can change this back into real money any time. I am definitely not printing money in the back, how dare you. That's a photocopier, can't you tell the difference?
[int. cafe]
Great! so what you do is now you hand me your phone, we'll go through another song and dance, and...hey, you have a link to the review now. But all of the people who've read the review think it's garbage, so apparently links to it are now worthless [except for that one that John Oliver briefly touched for some reason]. I don't know, I guess you might be able to sell it for like, 50 Ryancoin to that desperate mook out on the street. Definitely nobody's gonna pay you real money for it.
(...)
Oh hey, 50 Ryancoin! That's great! I'm glad you were able to get something valuable back in exchange for the link to this review. Huh? You want to change it back into real money because you're getting the distinct sense that this is all a ridiculous scam and you're upset that you lost all of your fake money betting the value of a link to this review would go up and instead it imploded? I don't understand your lack of faith -- the guy across the street bought me this Ferrari, which is a real tangible asset worth a bunch of money, and he wouldn't have been able to do that if this were a bunch of hooey, would he? ...You're still certain you want out? I mean, that's unfortunate, but that guy across the street can probably change it back for you.
[you go back across the street. After waiting several minutes, the man who looks a lot like me in a hat and fake beard comes rushing in from the back, slightly out of breath]
What? You want to change Ryancoin back into real dollars? You know, I'd love to help you out, but there's been a run on our reserves. You're saying that shouldn't matter because every Ryancoin was pegged to the dollar and guaranteed? I mean I did say that but not in like, a legally binding sense. What do you think this is, a bank? A stock exchange? It's not federally regulated, I thought I -- um, I mean, that guy in the cafe across the street, not me -- explained to you earlier why that's such a great thing. Don't you feel great? Anyway, the short version is I'm all out of actual money, so I can't actually trade back your real money at this exact moment in time. But if you just have a little patience, I'm sure more people will buy Ryancoin eventually, and then those people will think Ryancoin has value, so yours will also have value again, and then maybe you can get your money back. I dunno, I hope it works out for you.
(speeds off in a Ferrari, which is strange, because you could've sworn it was the guy in the cafe selling review links who owned the Ferrari, not the owner of the Ryancoin exchange. Oh well, you'll figure it out someday)
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