My Father, My Monster: A True Story

by McIntosh Polela

Bright, articulate, and charismatic, former journalist and police spokesman McIntosh Polela has been on African television screens for many years. But behind a dazzling career, Polela’s troubled past haunts him. When he was a child, both his parents disappeared, leaving him and his sister Zinhle to suffer years of abuse. The story of Polela’s journey to uncover the truth, this candid autobiography shares the journalist’s turmoil as he confronts his father about his mother’s brutal death and faces the worst dilemma a son can ever How can he possibly forgive when his father remains a remorseless, cruel, and heartless murderer?

Genres: Nonfiction, South Africa

200 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Charlie Tjale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must be one of the best well written book that I have read in 10 years from a south african Author.He wisely uses emotion and suspense very well and at the height of emotion which will probably be chapter 15 he strategically sober up.Amazing choice of words like I wasnt bothered with prison"i was convinced revenge was just" words like "I crave for Love" it is a brave account of a man who rose above all odds, a sheer story of grace.He craftly uses suspense to keep a reader glued.One wants to find out what happened to his mother and once you know that she is dead you are forced to be glued on his pursuit for revenge.Bravo!!!! this is exceptionaly excellent book.Highly recommended in my books.

[Ntombezinhle Nzama · Rating 4 out of 5]

McIntosh and his Sister Zinhle went through so much in life. Imagine not being able to understand the life you have been thrusted into only to find out 6 years later that your suffering is due to your father taking your mother's life...There are so many obstacles which were on his way but he was able to over come all of that. The worst part for me was when he actually met his father after so many years only to confirm that his father really is the monster he grew up believing he is... thank you for sharing your life journey with us

[Puleng Hopper · Rating 4 out of 5]

An unbelievable, heart wrenching true story. It covers ministerial spokesperson McIntosh Polela's life up to his mid thirties.

It all went downhill from 1982. At age five, without notice, McIntosh and his sister Zinhle 3, are sent to live with extended family in Pevensey village in Kwa Zulu Natal.

Both their biological parents "vanish" from their lives, only for the one parent to reappear 26 years later.

The story demonstrates how violence begets violence. How it is mostly defenseless women and children who are always on the receiving end.

Also a story of, love, resilience and perseverance. The McNamaras, sister Von Ohr, Mrs Wood, father Madela, teacher Khathi were good Samaritans, earth angels whose assistance, selflessness and interventions were pivotal in McIntosh's metamorphosis into a radio and TV personality,. McIntosh 's step mother, his dad' s first wife was ubuntu personified.

Parents can make or break their children. McIntosh' s dad was a consistent breaker, physically and emotionally. Inflicting pain on his family was his sport. A monster with a capital M who should have been languishing in jail.

Having finally read the book, I can now attest to why this it has lingered on for more than ten years in many readers' minds. What does not kill us definitely make us stronger.

[Diane Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 rating
I really enjoyed McIntosh's book. This book certainly helps to explain who he is. It is a sad story and he was brave to put to paper the realities of his childhood. He explores violence, anger, guilt and forgiveness; and the possibility that some people need to be forgiven, even though they do not seem to have any redeeming qualities.
The role of women, their value in SA society is a subject that needs to be explored further by the society at large - particularly on femicide (which is covered in this book)
It shows the realities of growing up in this country and impacts of broken families and violence.
I think I would like to have seen an attempt to situate the story (more)in the history of our country. What is it about SA that gives rise to these "monsters"

A necessary book for South AFrica that has not yet really begun its healing from hundreds of years of violence in and out of the home

[Zozo Mogoera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not want to put this book down. I desperately wanted to find out about what really happened to his mom.A very good read, enjoyed the suspense

[Zanele Ngwenya · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was an easy read. I would have loved if investigated more on his mother's death. Through faith and prayer anything is possible.

Education is the key to success!

[ConnorD · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a disturbing book, worth the read. So many stories like this yet to be told

[Zinhle Ngidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Father, My Monster - A True Story by McIntosh Polela-Author

What a heavy read! Tears have been the order of the day for the past few days while I was reading this book. There are times where I would stop and close the book because I could not believe such things happen to some people. Reading this book made me realize that I had a happy childhood and I had a great life. My childhood stories and what I experienced as an adult are nothing compared or come close to what I read from this book.

About the book
The story starts when the author was 5 years old and her sister, I think she was 3 or so. They arrived in the village called Pevensey in Underberg. Prior to this day they were from Durban and had a great life with their mother and father. No one told them why they were brought here and the harsh conditions that followed after their arrival is shocking. The treatment, abuse by relatives is like you watching a horror movie or those evil step mother stories. As you read along you will not miss the pain that they went through that resulted in the young boy going astray. This is after learning that his father killed their mother.

As a growing up teenager , having heard stories that his father brutally killed his mother, we see him preparing for revenge against the father that he didn’t know if he will ever meet. He learned how to make spears, homemade guns, joining political groups just for him to belong somewhere, being disowned by relatives as he started to be a rebel. You will feel his pain when he decides to be a loner and the pain for not being loved. You will never miss the part where he planned to end his life but decided against, few minute before the act just because he loved his sister. He became selfless thinking how will his sister survive in this place without him.

Fast forward, because God is great and He always has plans for us, some angels kept on helping and he changed his life and managed through hardships and finished his diploma. As you read along, the author shares blow by blow the struggles until his graduation day.

When he got it all, the job, opportunity for London scholarship, fancy car and all, he felt there was a need to find his father, learn what happened to their mother and forgive him. As you read along you will understand why he is called “the monster”. The pages of their first meeting were one of those pages that made me to close the book because although the author forgave his father, mina usangidinile nje. The guy is cold and cared for no one but himself. Remorseful is not in his vocabulary. But through forgiveness the author achieved a lot like identifying where his mother’s body was dumped in Lions River and made peace with it.

Learnings
Our past does not defines us. Our hardships sharpen us and all we have to do is to look at the goal post and achieve what our heart desires. I am glad the author did not turn to be like his father. I am glad that the mistakes he made as a teenager did not cripple him but he rose against all odds and refocussed. Had he allowed the pain to swallow him, the anger and unforgiveness, he would not have achieved anything and be where he is now.

Thank you Mr Polela. This is not just a book but a testimony. Most people will benefit a lot from this book. You poured your heart out for everyone to see that nothing is impossible when you have a goal. That we may be engulfed by pain but we can rise again. Good luck in your future endeavors.

[Lynn]

I found this absolutely riveting. No matter how many stories I read about kids being neglected or abused by family members, I am still horrified every time. This is an amazing story about someone we would often see and hear in the media and how himself and his little sister survived their incredibly difficult childhood. I'm not sure but it almost felt like this was written in a different language and translated to English...or maybe that's because McIntosh thinks in a different language? Great South African read.

[Landa Mabenge · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book does not tell a story-it rehashes events in the authors life. I feel McIntosh failed to capture his audience as the story could be told but wasn't. Reading the book I realized many a black child had a similar if not worse story to tell. he could have delivered this book to be the median that ties all those stories to result in hope (what with him having such a presence).

[Lorraine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still on chapter 3. Author still giving a bit of background to the story.

The above is from 2012.

[Kgakgamatso · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the suspence good and the only reason I did not put it down was that I wanted to find out what happened to his mom and why was his dad a monster. It was well written.

[Keitumetse Letebele · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book of hope

[Smangele Belebesi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it in 4 hours, couldn't put it down. Found myself asking God to keep me so i can be there for my child. Kunzima emhlabeni.

[Verdi Giqwa · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, McIntosh really exposed his vulnerability and soul. While reading, I couldn't help but pause occasionally to try to connect some of my experiences as a young person to some of his experiences since we both grew up in the same era, particularly poverty and political uprising. I'm delighted he conquered; the first few pages tore my heart, but the final few pages warmed it back up.

[Lesego · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one i couldnt put down. I could just image as a child going through so much in the hands of family members, always praying and hoping one day your mom will come for you. Its sad that he didnt know that his mother was dead. One of the best south african books i ve read so far.

[Lutho Jojo · Rating 4 out of 5]

In My top ten reads for this year! I've never cried like I have reading this. - '' My striving for an education made a world of difference. I learnt that even coming from a backward village, I could be someone. I could almost conjure miracules".

[Zoleka Mbilini · Rating 5 out of 5]

In awe. Absolutely riveting. My heart still sinks at flashbacks of the experiences McIntosh and Zinhle went through, more so as I am confronted by the reality that there are still children exposed to such brutal upbringing and adults who have not taken the time to address their abusive childhoods. A definite read for those tormented by their childhood experiences. Those who struggle to confront and resolve impaired relationships. Those who find themselves perpetuating a pattern of abusive nature and simply do not condemn the plight of gender equality. Simply put-a beautiful read.

[Mayuri · Rating 4 out of 5]

intense life story!

[Nozz · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book just made me revisit my manuscript *sad*

[Emma Zwapo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well written book which gives detailed events of things that happened to him. Also very inspirational - to think he could have used the situation as an excuse but he chose otherwise. Phenomenal!!!

[Colleen Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. An amazing, truly inspiring read. Amazing what true courage and self belief can overcome.

[Riana Snyders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was very interesting to read. !

[Lorato Makau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Touching story but nice to read.

[Sibongile Mofokeng · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sad book, i cried throughout. I was horrified with what he went through...

[S'Lindokuhle Mdontswa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could not for the life of me out the book down, great read over the festive season

[Raesibe Mphahlele Mphahlele · Rating 4 out of 5]

very well written, detailed and easy to read