Accaptivating title, but the inside is a complete whine about how much he was "forced" to write this book and he didn't enjoy quite a lot of cities. (Even if, on the author's note at the end of the book, he declares he actually did.)
These are just some of the author's traits I've read and grasped:
- He liked to mock oriental pronunciation
- *Much* fat shaming
- Things he loathed (spoiler: they're a lot): people who talk to him during travels, communism/communists, many genres of music (jazz and gypsy music above all), "boring" museums, winter, humid weather, hot climate, horses, Hawaiaan, people who don't wear/act their age (?), Hitler (yeah we do agree on this), Le Corbusier, squared buildings
- Things he loved: women, casinos, cars and motors, women
Some observations that resume what he said while talking about other stuff that wasn't the cities which are the main focus of this essay: (italics is for direct quotations)
- India sucks: it's hot, it's humid, it's unclean and everybody looks like a thief or a worse type of criminal
- Chinese women are wonderfully skinny, with a children's body, and the Occidental ones should take a cue from them because they're fat and ugly
- Women are poor beasts
- Horses are monsters
- We should measure the beauty of a city by the presence of beautiful girls
- Paris is too big, Istanbul is too Asiatic (??), and Venice is a cliché
But let me resume the rest of his travelling, too. As usual, italics stand for direct quotations.
[NOTE: wherever he went, he was pursued by catastrophic events such as earthquakes, volcanoes erupting, aerial disasters, rainwater leaks]
HONG KONG: 👎 too many and too expensive prostitutes
MACAO:
👎
• looks like a graveyard
• people are fixated with gold
👍
• excellent prostitutes
TOKYO:
👎
• depressing
• too many people talking
• hotels are extremely unconfortable, too tiny and built of rice paper
👍
• excellent food
HONOLULU:
👎
• after two Hawaiaan words he couldn't stand the city anymore
• too many tourists
• people with Hawaiaan clothing are hideous and ridiculous, especially after a certain age
👍
• beautiful zoo
• great quality and variety of food
LOS ANGELES: 👎 all criminals, even the teens
LAS VEGAS: 👍 world's gambling capital, we liked it because we won so much
+ a guide on how to gamble sensibly 😂
CHICAGO:
👎
• too many ignorants
• too many gangsters (especially italoamericans)
• even the police are corrupted people
👍
• food is the best ever
NEW YORK:
👎👎👎
The most depressing and boring city of all.
• hideous steel-aluminium-copper buildings
• everybody is unpolite, unless you tip well
• depressed inhabitants
• lots of juvenile crime with baby gangs, but also rapes, murders and robbery, drugs trafficking
It has four basic troubles – first, the collapse of the family unit which today hardly exists in American towns; secondly, Momism and the vast economic power (via alimony, inheritance and other factors) about the ‘American way of life’, a concept which needs drastic reexamination by those who invented the slogan; and, fourthly, escapism and flight from reality, whether this takes the shape of the television myth and the enchanted world of the ad. man which seek to show people as better than they know perfectly well they are, or of such escapist drugs as the tranquillizer pill, the fat blue sleeping-pill, and the psycho-analyst’s couch.
(Where's the third point? - one may ask. We'll never know.)
HAMBURG:
👍
He liked it! He declared it's now one of his favourite cities in the world.
• warm and lively city (also thanks to strip-tease shows and prostitutes whose activity is legalised and supervised by medical staff)
• solid, friendly and proud people who despise Hitler, the Prussians and the war
• there is also a cruelty-free zoo
BERLIN:
👎
• Berlin smells of cigars and boiled cabbage
• It's looking meagre and sham because of the consequences of the war, still haunting the city
• Le Corbusier's architectures are horrible
VIENNA:
👎
• German drivers suck
• appalling congestion and noise of the city, intellectualy demised after Hitler
• Viennese girls are ugly because they are a mix of those races: Poles, Czechs, Rumanians, Hungarians and Jewish, which are horrible
• dull night lifestyle with dowdy gypsy music
• a depressing city
Conclusion: blabla atomic energy - better go to the Alps, bye bye.
GENEVA:
👎
• fixated with money
• no parking
• lacks beautiful architecture
• people are too strict and reserved
👍
• clean, tidy and Godfearing
• wonderful landscape
• respectful of authorities
At the end he excuses himself for talking trash about Geneva and says it is a beautiful city.
NAPLES:
👎
• The monstrous autostrada hoardings, demonstrating, even more forcibly than the Italians’ total lack of interest in their artistic and architectural treasures, that Italy is a race of Philistines.
• The whole psychology of the Italian, particularly of the Southern Italian, is based on far figura, to ‘cut a dash’. [...] expressed through flashy clothes, exaggerated tones of voice, expressions and gestures, vastly reinforced by the attachment, apparently to every Italian male, of a chattering two-stroke engine, an electric horn and an exhaust pipe. [...] The amount of noise he can make with his vehicle, particularly via the exhaust pipe, has come in some obscure way to represent a virility symbol. [...] That sheer noise and ugly chaos are literally driving the ordinary tourist to distraction.
• Here you are still cheated, jostled, burgled and generally intimidated by the inhabitants.
• all criminals
• Pompeii, Herculaneum and Paestum are melancholic sites
• Food is indifferent, waiters rude, strip-lighting hideous, and musicians play nonstop, except for a pause to push a plate in your face.
General suggestion: watch your wallet and your handbags.
👍
• very beautiful country (ruined by the fact that Italians don't care about preserving their monumenta)
MONTE CARLO: 👍 Casinos, yay!
The only beautiful thing of this recount is that he met Charlie Chaplin while in Switzerland!
And, trust me - I even made it look less bloated, snobbish and grouchy.