The Others Within Us: Internal Family Systems, Porous Mind, and Spirit Possession

by Robert Falconer

Sparked by an Internal Family Systems (IFS) client’s lifelong affliction with an unattached burden—something in her mind that was not part of her—Bob Falconer began a decade-long study of the others within us and how they are treated worldwide. This study is important to all of us because what it reveals about the nature of mind holds a key to healing our underlying alienation and isolation.

The Others Within Us The journey Bob has taken goes to the farther reaches of human experience. It has revealed insights and understandings that can't help but cause readers to expand their beliefs about the nature of mind and healing.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Health, Audiobook, Self Help, Mental Health

502 pages, Paperback

First published April 4, 2023

About the author

Robert Falconer is a pioneering consultant and international educator in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. He brings over five decades of transformative psychological expertise and a heartfelt commitment to healing and understanding the complexity of human experience. Falconer has authored several influential books, including Many Minds, One Self, co-written with IFS founder Richard C. Schwartz. Falconer’s book The Others Within Us is a groundbreaking work which centralizes “porosity” as a key component to healing.

Falconer draws from personal experience and extensive clinical practice. He is a respected international trainer who has led workshops in many countries, including Australia, Japan, Pakistan, Mexico, China, Europe and Canada. He has also taught all over the US, including the Fort Beltknap Sioux and the Northern Cheyenne reservations. Falconer champions a holistic view that recognizes the inherent spiritual nature of psychological healing. Now in his mid-70s, Falconer remains an active teacher and thought leader. His work challenges Western therapeutic paradigms and advocates for a more comprehensive understanding of human consciousness.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-researched, mind-expanding, and very complete discussion of the phenomenon of unattached burdens, starting from the IFS therapy perspective and examining other cultures and historical viewpoints. There is ample use of very interesting case studies. Falconer repeats himself at times, but it makes sense because he anticipates the difficulty that many people trained in rationalist, Western, and academic fields are likely to have with this kind of material. He continually re-orients towards the goal of reducing human suffering: if these practices have that beneficial effect, then who are we to question them? He makes the point convincingly that idea that we know everything there is to know through materialist scientific practices is full of hubris, and we should be open to concepts beyond our understanding.

[Mike Ljubsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Robert Falconer certainly isn’t the first person to speak or write about this idea that the human mind isn’t just a closed system within the material confines of a brain. However, through this book, he may be bridging this ancient idea that mystics, shamans, and healers held ages ago into a framework that resonates with people in the West. This is mainly because our mental health treatments have hit a dead-end, and to break through we are going to have to up-end the idea that we are a closed loop. To do so, people will have to embrace that our minds are porous, and interface with a mysterious level of reality that we don’t have words for.

Highly recommended to anyone with an open mind, particularly in the mental health space and definitely for people getting in psychedelic therapy.

[Nicholas]

I found this bold and unorthodox work to be utterly fascinating. Its basic metaphor of spirit possession (of which Falconer takes a pragmatic view: he's not making metaphysical claims other than that therapeutic work is more effective when you take this metaphor seriously); his artful suggestions for working with unattached burdens; his encyclopedic assemblage of Western and non-Western concepts of spirit possession; and his transcripts of IFS sessions have all been very helpful to me. Not to be overlooked in all this is what was, to me, a fairly convincing argument that the kind of esoteric material discussed here becomes compelling if we only take seriously a personalistic model of reality and a porous model of mind, neither of which is so incredible given how little we really understand about the extraordinary phenomenon of human consciousness.

[Manda Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life-changing

Some books need to be read half a dozen times even to begin to soak into the marrow of our souls and help us grow. This is one of these. It feels like one of those pivotal books around which whole lives, whole destinies could shift. It’s profoundly moral, wise, intelligent, thoughtful - and awe inspiring. Bob Falconer is blasting a trail for those with integrity, humility and raw, wild curiosity to follow. Bob, if you ever read this, thank you.

[Петър Стойков · Rating 2 out of 5]

Понякога почваш да четеш книга и очакваш някакви неща, защото горе-долу си имаш представа от материята... но изведнъж книгата те хвърля в някакви дълбоки води, които дори не си предполагал че съществуват. Направо изгубваш ума и дума и се чудиш къде си попаднал, какво правиш тук и това което четеш реално ли е.

Разбира се, винаги съм смятал, че психотерапията е своего рода празни приказки. Няма по какъв друг начин да се опише практика, в която страдащият се "лекува" чрез разговори в продължение на ... години и даже десетилетия. Често без никаква конкретно подобрение, освен "по-добро разбиране на личните проблеми" и откъде идват. Няма как и другояче да бъде, след като Фройд пренебрегва научния метод при развитието на учението си.

Все пак, мислейки да обогатя знанията си за най-практикуваният в момента модерен метод в психотерапията, наречен Internal Family Systems therapy, с книга, написана от един от най-тачените съвременни психотерапевти, по никакъв начин не очаквах тази книга да бъде посветена на демони и тяхното прогонване.

Не, не се шегувам и не преувеличавам: авторът описва това, което според него са забелязали и са му споделяли под сурдинка хиляди психотерапевти, които иначе не смеят да го кажат публично - че част от тежките психически заболявания на пациентите им, според тях, могат да бъдат обяснени само с вселяване на демони в хората. Не метафорични, а истински демони.

Той не е някой религиозен маниак, даже съвсем напротив, не вярва в бог, но явно вярва в демони и според него ги е срещал и е разговарял с тях, докато пациентите му са били в транс. Разбира се, теорията му предизвиква голямо оживление сред психичноболните, които живеят в интернет и се засилват един друг. Естествено, както и преди с "раздвоението на личността" през 80те, като чуят за нещо екзотично, което обяснява симптомите им, всички умствено нестабилни откачалки веднага се диагностицират с него и започват да се навиват един друг по форуми и дискорди.

[Juniper]

Pretty enjoyable introduction to the idea of porosity of mind. I get a bit scared by the spiritual stuff but I think it's a really nice framework and conceptualization of these often obscured topics, as well as a practical guide to navigating these interactions. Easy to read, with intriguing case studies

[Oleg Prophet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book.

[Thomas De Caluwé · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone interested in IFS, The Others Within Us is a great read, though it's esoteric elements may be offputting for some (especially those with a more materialist-rationalist world view).

Just how much the author veers from the existing framework becomes evident right from the start, in the foreword by IFS 'inventor' Richard Schwartz. He acknowledges the existence of 'UB's' (unattached burdens), but stops short or calling them Spirits.

It speaks to Falconer's character that he doesn't shy away from these tensions, and doesn't stick to his own viewpoints too rigidly. On this, he speaks about 'radical empiricism' - just sticking with what's in front, working with a client's own personal mythology, and focusing on what relieves the most suffering.

The book rests on 2 major pillars, which I'll call the 'therapist's view' and the 'spiritist's view'. If you find yourself more inclined to one or the other, the best way to read might be to skip the parts that don't relate to the other viewpoint.

The therapist view (which I was most drawn to and interested in personally) gives a solid framework on how to work with UB's / Spirits in a way which is most beneficial to the client. The transcripts where the author demonstrates this are especially powerful and moving.

The spiritist view goes deep into the history of UB's and how different cultures and religions have viewed and dealt with them (some by violent exorcisms, others through more cooperative means). Whilst these parts of the book are deeply researched, they could've done with some stricter editing in my opinion. The fact that the author sprinkles comments such as 'your eyes may be glazing over...' at one of the more list-y sections of the books at least indicates some self awareness, but naming it doesn't make it excusable.

Overall this is a fairly minor point, as the author explicitly invites his readers to just skip those parts they don't connect with. For the completionist readers among us this isn't easily accomplished however.

Ultimately, the author's affinity with his subject is obvious throughout, and anyone with an interest in IFS and spirits will enjoy reading this.

[Christine Karren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fascinating read. You have to be pretty open minded to take what he is saying as fact, but he gives strong evidence of certain psychological phenomena and their causes that go against the grain of Western medicine. I like his courage and honesty in writing this book and see him as coming from a place of authority given his history and training. It might be a good read for anyone suffering from psychological stress for whom Western medicine has failed. This book may also be read for the shear magnitude of anthropological study it contains.

[Melvin Marsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely can support this, it combines several of my interests (hypnosis, anthropology, and shamanism) in a way to understand unattached burdens in Internal Family Systems, it would jump around to so many topics that I thought my Audible was skipping around since all the topics were topics that I would listen to! I don't agree with every conclusion that was made in the book about spirits or possession, but I know for sure that this will be useful to many people. Who knows, perhaps even me.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an eye opening book that could be life changing, depending on the reader and the situation they face. I like looking at the examples of how other cultures accept spirituality as a natural part of their experiences. Even though it’s hard to understand why these experiences happen to some people, I feel more secure knowing there are some individuals compassionate and brave enough to step into this unknown land and to record the events there.

[Warren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Formidable, life changing in its implications. Building on the Internal Family Systems model. It will shake many people's view of the world and themselves. But it seems we are now ready to take this leap in self-understanding. As Falconer said in one of his You Tube talks, "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", and that is what he has provided here. A must read for therapists, counsellors, or anyone seeking greater understanding of themselves and others.

[Ricky · Rating 3 out of 5]

very engaging and even stimulating in some ways, but also very bloated and marred by a defensiveness that I find off-putting. still I'll probably read it again. The transcripts of the case examples are the most interesting and helpful part. I honestly would have rather just read a book full of those. they especially are very effective in the audiobook.

[Meagen Cutting · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow. As someone who practices IFS I inhaled this book. I haven’t inhaled a book like this in years. It was so well written. So honest. And covers about every single way you can release a UB. Would recommend over and over again.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This basically contains a lot review of reenchantment, including Christian theology. Really well ready guy and super fascinating work.

[Talia]

More technical. Didn’t read cover to cover picked and chose with this one. Will revisit.

[Hannah Baga · Rating 5 out of 5]

🤯🤯🤯

[Kel Caffekey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Good and detailed. I enjoyed the case studies and the depth of information supplied around unattached burdens.