⭐︎
4.5 Stars Rounded Up!
⭐︎
This was so good, it was hard to put down.
Segan and Josiah grew up in Utah, in a highly religious community. But they both never conformed to what the hyper religious community wanted.
Segan grew up with Lana, and when they were 14, they became girlfriend and boyfriend. Lana has an uncle, Josiah, who is only 3 years older than them. A 'whoosie' baby, a lot younger than Lana's father, who is Josiah's brother, and who is hyper religious and who Josiah does not get along with.
But he's wanted to protect Lana as well, as much as he could, because she's just like them. She doesn't conform to the ultra religious ways either.
When Segan is 16 and Josiah 19, and they actually spend time alone when Lana is drunk and falls asleep when all three were handing out, their connection is formed.
For almost a year after that night, he and Josiah get closer, slowly falling for each other as they try not to. As Segan is Lana's boyfriend. Segan can't want her uncle and her uncle can't want her boyfriend.
But Lana herself is diving more and more into destruction, as she becomes addicted to drugs. Her downfall is a slow, gradual thing. But while Segan has had his own shitty life, it doesn't truly get worse until Lana, in her own pain and destruction, drags him down too.
Josiah, while having his own pain too, is really only 3 years older than them, and can't do much. Especially when he's falling for Segan, and knows more will happen with them than a kiss they share, and he can't do that to his niece. He's also an out gay guy having to deal with living in a small, religious town and being the only out queer person.
But mainly Josiah ultimately leaves so he doesn't do more with - lets be real, sleep with - Segan, and heads to Nevada, somewhere close to Vegas. He tells a then 17 year old Segan not to come with him, to look after Lana.
In a way, Josiah is unintentionally responsible for things getting even shittier for Segan after that. That eventually, 2 years later, he'll try to take his own life.
But Josiah had no way of knowing exactly what would happen. And he was young, and idiotic. I love how, in the future, he realizes his mistake, and what he put on Segan's shoulders. That makes me a lot more forgiving of Josiah's leaving Segan back then. He made a mistake, and we later learn that he regrets leaving him, and how he put looking after a spiraling Lana on 17 year old Segan's shoulders.
This is a difficult read, to be sure. There is a TW for on page depiction of attempted suicide in this so be aware of that going into this. It is not easy to read in the least. So don't read this, if that is triggering for you.
But there is the other side of all the darkness, the rock bottom. When Segan is saved - we all know who saves him, but we're not told until later - he has a tough time, but he makes it through. He moves to Nashville and over the years becomes a big country music star.
And when Josiah, years later, leaves Nevada and comes to Nashville, they meet up again, and get to make things right.
These two go on a very painful journey, but the pain is worth in the end for these two to finally get their happiness.
Segan, understandably, takes awhile to trust Josiah again, to let down his walls, to be so vulnerable and trusting with him. I do think the transition from him being like that to letting that go and being all in with Josiah wasn't handled the best. It was like one minute Segan was still holding Josiah and arms length, and then he wasn't. Or more accurately, it didn't take much work on his part to let his hang ups go enough to let Josiah in all the way.
It felt a little rushed, near the end. Like Segan wasn't letting up until late in the game, and then he just...was. Hence my .5 stars off. Also for the ending being a bit too abrupt for my liking. They're in a happy place, a great place at the end, but we don't get to seem them settled into it, really. About a month or so has gone by, but that's it. I would have liked an epilogue with maybe some months or years later just to see them in an even stronger, more settled place. I was a little bummed we didn't get that, and it didn't feel 100% complete to me, so those two things had me giving this .5 stars off.
Otherwise I absolutely loved this. Their journey to a happy ending isn't an easy one in the least, but they get there by the end, and it's wonderful.
The chemistry was so good between these two, and the pining and longing for each other was so good. They go years without seeing each other, but it doesn't take long for those feelings to resurface the minute they see each other again. No matter how much they (Segan) try to deny it.
This is definitely worth a a read and I'm so happy I picked it up. One of this author's best, I'd say.
Can't wait to read more from this author, especially if they're more stories like this (although, maybe not always this level of angst, of course.)
Onto the next! 🥰 😘