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The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger
A New York Times contributor offers a radical reexamination of a hot-button issue of the mother and son relationship and advocates the end of the "mama's boy" taboo. New York Times contributor Kate Stone Lombardi unveils the surprisingly close relationship between mothers and sons. Mother after mother confessed to Lombardi that her husband, brothers, and even female friends and family criticize the fact that she is "too close" to her sons. Many of these women are often startled by the strong connection they feel with their sons; but rarely do they talk about it because society tells them to push their little boys away and not "baby" them with too much cuddling and comforting. It is as if there were an existing playbook-based on gender preconceptions dating back to Freud, Oedipus, and beyond-that prescribes the way mothers and their sons should interact. Lombardi's much-needed narrative is the first and only book to share truly revealing interviews with mothers who have close relationships with their sons, as well as interviews with these women's sons and husbands. Lombardi persuasively argues that the rise of the new male-one who is more emotionally intelligent and more sensitive without being less "manly"-is directly attributable to women who are rejecting the "mama's boy" taboo. Highlighting new scientific studies, The Mama's Boy Myth begins a fresh story-one that will be welcomed by mothers, fathers, and sons alike.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published March 15, 2012
8 people are currently reading
241 people want to read
About the author
Kate Stone Lombardi
1 book4 followers Kate Stone Lombardi was a regular contributor to The New York Times for 20 years. For seven years, she wrote a popular column, "County Lines" for the paper's regional section. She has written extensively about family life, and her work has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Time.com, Reader's Digest, and other national publications. She is the winner of six Clarion awards for journalism. The Mama's Boy Myth is her first book.
Kate has a BA from Williams College and an MS in journalism from Columbia University. She has taught writing in a variety of venues, including the Coachman Family Center, which serves homeless families.
She lives in Westchester County, NY, with her husband Mike. They have two adult children and two cats. The kids are ok, but both cats are odd, and in different ways.
Kate has a BA from Williams College and an MS in journalism from Columbia University. She has taught writing in a variety of venues, including the Coachman Family Center, which serves homeless families.
She lives in Westchester County, NY, with her husband Mike. They have two adult children and two cats. The kids are ok, but both cats are odd, and in different ways.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
September 11, 2012
Admittedly, I'm a tad biased about this book....
May 10, 2012
http://mariesbookgarden.blogspot.com/...
This is SUCH an important and desperately needed book.
New York Times contributor Kate Stone Lombardi makes the fascinating point that of all the possible parent-child relationships (e.g., father-son, father-daughter, mother-daughter), the most circumspect and maligned is that of the mother and son. This was an illuminating beginning to this book.
Close mother-son relationships are abundant, but they are kept in the closet. While fathers are lauded for teaching their daughters traditionally masculine tasks or skills, mothers are shamed for doing the same thing (for example, teaching a son to knit or just talk more openly about his feelings).
Lombardi interviewed over 1,000 moms online and in person. She found that nearly nine in ten moms described themselves as "extremely close" or "very close" to their sons. And the result of these close relationships is that we are creating a generation of boys who will become strong, loving spouses and partners, with a higher level of sensitivity and emotional intelligence. As Lombardi notes, "A new and growing body of scientific literature shows that sons who are close to their mothers are emotionally and physically healthier than those who are not."
She writes of stereotypes about boys and girls and how some mothers long for daughters so they can develop close relationships with them. In some cases (like mine), feminists look forward to raising strong women who have opportunities they or their mothers did not have. As one mom said, "When it came time to have children, what I had in mind were daughters. All of my feminist friends laughed, 'Look at the hand you were dealt.' I had to process that loss. I had daughter envy." Why do women assume that girls will be more emotionally available than boys? We make assumptions that boys will grow apart from their mothers, based on culturally acceptable mother-son norms.
Mothers battle not only cultural expectations of how they relate to their sons, but also sometimes their own husbands or family members. Some women shared examples of their husbands accusing them of babying their sons if they showed any affection, even at very young ages, and one woman told a story about a power struggle with her husband about her nearly-two-year-old son's curly hair. She told him she'd cut his curls when he turned two, but a month before he turned two, her husband cut off all the boy's curls while he was taking a bath. "He thought I was turning his boy into a girl." Mothers are criticized for hugging their teen sons or touching them at all. Then there's the nosy strangers who think they know best and think that mothers are scarring their boys for life if they allow them to wear a "girl's" Halloween costume. She cites the work of artist JeongMee Yoon, who has a project with side-by-side images of actual girls' and boys' rooms, entirely in pink and blue. It's incredibly sad (and also another good example of why it's good I have boys--I am no fan of pink!).
Lombardi delves into the origin of Freud's Oedipal theories and the hidden fears of homophobia inherent in this bullying of moms and sons. Mothers involved in their sons' lives are made into the villains in popular culture, at best (think "Psycho"!), and at worst are thought to create "sissys," "Mama's boys," or overly dependent and feminine. She talks about the "boy crisis" and some prominent authors' views that boys need to disconnect from their mothers and instead form stronger relationships with their fathers, instead of recognizing the need for both father and mother bonds. Well-known author Michael Gurian "argues that mothers' apron strings are strangling the manhood out of boys." It's all the mother's fault, of course!
In a fairly well-known parenting book, Get Out of My Life, but Please Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? by Anthony E. Wolf, the author talks about the "problem of mommy," which he defines as the theory that adolescent boys' strong feelings for their mother might be "tinged with sexuality and might therefore become really unacceptable." Why is that mothers' close relationships with their sons are often described as sexual? Thank you, Mr. Freud!
Since when do people say that teen girls have crushes on their fathers if they feel close to them? Lombardi points out that we never see "mother-son dances," but only "father-daughter" ones...because no one ascribes anything sinister to that relationship. However, as a brochure for a North Carolina father-daughter dance said, "Every father needs to 'date' their daughter, and every daughter needs an example of how a young lady is to be treated by a man." This dating analogy is creepy because sexual abuse in families is much more likely to occur between a father and a daughter. Incest between mother and son is exceedingly rare (female perpetrators are between 1 and 4 percent of all sex abuse cases). So why is that relationship such taboo?
When boys reach a certain age, they are often embarassed to be seen alone in public with their mom or to talk about close relationships with their mothers. It's really only the big, tough football players or otherwise macho men who are allowed to get away with close relationships with their mothers.
Then there are the men and women who play into the idea that feminism or stronger women's roles are creating weak men. Lombardi mentions the book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys. Although author Kay Hymowitz notes that it's important for young men to have strong relationships with both their moms and dads, the title makes it sound like weak men are all the women's fault. Lombardi notes that she agrees that this can be a confusing time to be a young man, but "mothers play an important role in helping their sons through this transition by giving them the skills they need to help them mature and succeed in school and in the workplace." As she concludes, "Why on earth would (women) want to do anything to harm men? We are the mothers of sons."
Gradually, our culture will find mother-son relationships more acceptable. The younger generation will see that this changes. In 2011, many of the Academy award nominated films featured difficult mothers (The Fighter, Black Swan, and The King's Speech). In the acceptance speeches, however, many of the winners thanked and paid tribute to their moms. Tom Hooper, who won best director for "The King's Speech," thanked his mother for giving him the idea for the movie. "The moral of the story is," he said, "Listen to your mother."
I confess that I always imagined having a daughter, but I am so thankful to have sons. Although many women idealize mother-daughter relationships, I've observed that in many cases, these relationships can be strained or not meet expectations. Daughters can be very hard on their mothers.
This book affirms that I can have truly deep relationships with my sons, and they will be better prepared for adulthood because of our strong mother-son relationships. It also made me feel incredibly grateful to be a parenting partner with a man who affirms my close relationships with my sons and (1) is not afraid to share his sensitive, emotional side, and is just as likely as I am to be brought to tears during a touching moment, and (2) never tells me I need to toughen the boys up or worries about them not acting manly enough! It also made me feel thankful for all the wonderful men I know, including my dad, brother, brother-in-law, and many male friends, who build strong relationships with boys and support women in doing the same.
I strongly recommend this book for anyone who has a son or works with boys.
This is SUCH an important and desperately needed book.
New York Times contributor Kate Stone Lombardi makes the fascinating point that of all the possible parent-child relationships (e.g., father-son, father-daughter, mother-daughter), the most circumspect and maligned is that of the mother and son. This was an illuminating beginning to this book.
Close mother-son relationships are abundant, but they are kept in the closet. While fathers are lauded for teaching their daughters traditionally masculine tasks or skills, mothers are shamed for doing the same thing (for example, teaching a son to knit or just talk more openly about his feelings).
Lombardi interviewed over 1,000 moms online and in person. She found that nearly nine in ten moms described themselves as "extremely close" or "very close" to their sons. And the result of these close relationships is that we are creating a generation of boys who will become strong, loving spouses and partners, with a higher level of sensitivity and emotional intelligence. As Lombardi notes, "A new and growing body of scientific literature shows that sons who are close to their mothers are emotionally and physically healthier than those who are not."
She writes of stereotypes about boys and girls and how some mothers long for daughters so they can develop close relationships with them. In some cases (like mine), feminists look forward to raising strong women who have opportunities they or their mothers did not have. As one mom said, "When it came time to have children, what I had in mind were daughters. All of my feminist friends laughed, 'Look at the hand you were dealt.' I had to process that loss. I had daughter envy." Why do women assume that girls will be more emotionally available than boys? We make assumptions that boys will grow apart from their mothers, based on culturally acceptable mother-son norms.
Mothers battle not only cultural expectations of how they relate to their sons, but also sometimes their own husbands or family members. Some women shared examples of their husbands accusing them of babying their sons if they showed any affection, even at very young ages, and one woman told a story about a power struggle with her husband about her nearly-two-year-old son's curly hair. She told him she'd cut his curls when he turned two, but a month before he turned two, her husband cut off all the boy's curls while he was taking a bath. "He thought I was turning his boy into a girl." Mothers are criticized for hugging their teen sons or touching them at all. Then there's the nosy strangers who think they know best and think that mothers are scarring their boys for life if they allow them to wear a "girl's" Halloween costume. She cites the work of artist JeongMee Yoon, who has a project with side-by-side images of actual girls' and boys' rooms, entirely in pink and blue. It's incredibly sad (and also another good example of why it's good I have boys--I am no fan of pink!).
Lombardi delves into the origin of Freud's Oedipal theories and the hidden fears of homophobia inherent in this bullying of moms and sons. Mothers involved in their sons' lives are made into the villains in popular culture, at best (think "Psycho"!), and at worst are thought to create "sissys," "Mama's boys," or overly dependent and feminine. She talks about the "boy crisis" and some prominent authors' views that boys need to disconnect from their mothers and instead form stronger relationships with their fathers, instead of recognizing the need for both father and mother bonds. Well-known author Michael Gurian "argues that mothers' apron strings are strangling the manhood out of boys." It's all the mother's fault, of course!
In a fairly well-known parenting book, Get Out of My Life, but Please Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? by Anthony E. Wolf, the author talks about the "problem of mommy," which he defines as the theory that adolescent boys' strong feelings for their mother might be "tinged with sexuality and might therefore become really unacceptable." Why is that mothers' close relationships with their sons are often described as sexual? Thank you, Mr. Freud!
Since when do people say that teen girls have crushes on their fathers if they feel close to them? Lombardi points out that we never see "mother-son dances," but only "father-daughter" ones...because no one ascribes anything sinister to that relationship. However, as a brochure for a North Carolina father-daughter dance said, "Every father needs to 'date' their daughter, and every daughter needs an example of how a young lady is to be treated by a man." This dating analogy is creepy because sexual abuse in families is much more likely to occur between a father and a daughter. Incest between mother and son is exceedingly rare (female perpetrators are between 1 and 4 percent of all sex abuse cases). So why is that relationship such taboo?
When boys reach a certain age, they are often embarassed to be seen alone in public with their mom or to talk about close relationships with their mothers. It's really only the big, tough football players or otherwise macho men who are allowed to get away with close relationships with their mothers.
Then there are the men and women who play into the idea that feminism or stronger women's roles are creating weak men. Lombardi mentions the book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys. Although author Kay Hymowitz notes that it's important for young men to have strong relationships with both their moms and dads, the title makes it sound like weak men are all the women's fault. Lombardi notes that she agrees that this can be a confusing time to be a young man, but "mothers play an important role in helping their sons through this transition by giving them the skills they need to help them mature and succeed in school and in the workplace." As she concludes, "Why on earth would (women) want to do anything to harm men? We are the mothers of sons."
Gradually, our culture will find mother-son relationships more acceptable. The younger generation will see that this changes. In 2011, many of the Academy award nominated films featured difficult mothers (The Fighter, Black Swan, and The King's Speech). In the acceptance speeches, however, many of the winners thanked and paid tribute to their moms. Tom Hooper, who won best director for "The King's Speech," thanked his mother for giving him the idea for the movie. "The moral of the story is," he said, "Listen to your mother."
I confess that I always imagined having a daughter, but I am so thankful to have sons. Although many women idealize mother-daughter relationships, I've observed that in many cases, these relationships can be strained or not meet expectations. Daughters can be very hard on their mothers.
This book affirms that I can have truly deep relationships with my sons, and they will be better prepared for adulthood because of our strong mother-son relationships. It also made me feel incredibly grateful to be a parenting partner with a man who affirms my close relationships with my sons and (1) is not afraid to share his sensitive, emotional side, and is just as likely as I am to be brought to tears during a touching moment, and (2) never tells me I need to toughen the boys up or worries about them not acting manly enough! It also made me feel thankful for all the wonderful men I know, including my dad, brother, brother-in-law, and many male friends, who build strong relationships with boys and support women in doing the same.
I strongly recommend this book for anyone who has a son or works with boys.
February 27, 2023
I stumbled across "The Mama's Boy Myth" at the free section of the library, a shelf of unwanted books by the front entrance. The front cover was splattered with old, brown stains. Because this is the sort of book that a mother reads with a cup of coffee in her hand, grip loose, attention waning. Because she can only be told that her instincts are right so many times before it starts to bore her. Before her wrist slackens and the coffee spills over the lip of the mug. Because "The Mama's Boy Myth" is the sort of book that is given away for free.
I found the writing to be terribly repetitive. Ideas and sentences are recycled throughout, without meaningful expansion. Anecdotes are not substance. I admit that I selected this book expecting perversion and smothering love. And while it certainly its moments -- "Diane described time alone with her son, Zach, a high school junior, as "heaven on earth."(202) and ""It's like romance without the sex"" (202) -- I'm not particularly offended by anything here. Parental guidance and love is important in a child's path towards independence and actualization. The author's insistence on praising the "mother's instinct" left a bad taste in my mouth. There is no uniform parental style. There is no universal instinct. Time that could have been spent exploring a variety of unique mother-son relationships was instead allocated towards regurgitating the same thing, ad infinitum.
My favorite part of this book was the conversation on gender. I have always taken issue with the supposed physiological differences between men and women and the sweeping generalizations they justify. But I intend to pursue further research -- because it's nice to be told that you're right, and too easy to stop there, to bathe in affirmation. Strip away its outer shell, and that's all "The Mama's Boy Myth" is. Pages and pages and pages of "You're right!" Validation without challenge, easily indulged in, and then discarded.
I found the writing to be terribly repetitive. Ideas and sentences are recycled throughout, without meaningful expansion. Anecdotes are not substance. I admit that I selected this book expecting perversion and smothering love. And while it certainly its moments -- "Diane described time alone with her son, Zach, a high school junior, as "heaven on earth."(202) and ""It's like romance without the sex"" (202) -- I'm not particularly offended by anything here. Parental guidance and love is important in a child's path towards independence and actualization. The author's insistence on praising the "mother's instinct" left a bad taste in my mouth. There is no uniform parental style. There is no universal instinct. Time that could have been spent exploring a variety of unique mother-son relationships was instead allocated towards regurgitating the same thing, ad infinitum.
My favorite part of this book was the conversation on gender. I have always taken issue with the supposed physiological differences between men and women and the sweeping generalizations they justify. But I intend to pursue further research -- because it's nice to be told that you're right, and too easy to stop there, to bathe in affirmation. Strip away its outer shell, and that's all "The Mama's Boy Myth" is. Pages and pages and pages of "You're right!" Validation without challenge, easily indulged in, and then discarded.
March 9, 2013
My husband took the cutest picture of my son and I cuddling together on the couch -- he's reading a Harry Potter book and I'm reading this.
This book makes some wonderful points about the emotional benefits of a strong mother-son relationship, and the sexist historical baggage that can make them more difficult to achieve. It's written in a very engaging way -- I laughed out loud a number of times -- but backs up its points up with current research.
This book makes some wonderful points about the emotional benefits of a strong mother-son relationship, and the sexist historical baggage that can make them more difficult to achieve. It's written in a very engaging way -- I laughed out loud a number of times -- but backs up its points up with current research.
January 4, 2013
I cannot recommend this book more highly for those of us parenting boys. This book is a breath of fresh air and contains good evidence to support the ungendered raising of modern men. Lombardi calls out the dated, homophobic US culture and inspires us to look at our boys differently.
August 5, 2013
I didn't finish this book. It's hard for me to get through all of the psychological mumbo jumbo. Please, for us lay people, simply state the problem and then tell me what to do about it.
October 10, 2012
This would have been perfectly fine as an essay in a magazine. Too much fluff to fill out a book.
June 14, 2019
When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I cried. I kept telling my husband that I didnt know how to be a boy mom. I had these dreams of having two little girls. It doesnt help that I grew up with all girls. When he was born I was caught up in wanting him to be a "sweet, sensitive boy". I felt awkward though. Not in the sexual way which is described in the book. I want both my daughter and son to be raised the same and I'm afraid of societal pressures. I think this book just reiterates what we all know in our hearts as mothers. And I think the message is important, especially to those who *only* have their husbands/partners to help them navigate how to raise boys.
September 28, 2016
I wasn't planning to pick up another book, when I found this in my local library. I was just going to return what I had already taken. But, when I saw a book with the title The Mama's Boy Myth, I grabbed it. Why? Because the subject matter hits so close to home and yet is one lots of psychologist / sociologists ignore because it's so against the grain.
Growing up with a super Israeli mother, which means a lot of coddling to death, I was labeled mama's boy because most people didn't understand how opposite family life in Israeli culture from the mainstream Christian influence. Christian culture generally manifests as a patriarchal way of living, while contemporary Jewish culture is matriarchal, as in the mother has primary influence in the child's life. This is how the stereotype that jewish boys aren't going to be real men because they don't grow up with the "manly life," like hunting and fixing cars.
While in any "normal" American household wouldn't be happy that I liked sewing and decorating as a young kid, my mother thought it was just lovely and bought me all the fabrics I needed. Later on, when we moved, she devoted a whole summer to helping me pick out new furniture for our new home. This is why I didn't have many friends. Of course, that was a plus for my mother because it meant more time for me to spend with her. I felt so guilty for living this way for such a long time. I only stopped because I don't go to a high school anymore with a huge population of Latin Americans and East Asians, who never have been exposed to many Jewish people. I'm not saying everyone in those demographics aren't unfamiliar with my culture. There's more. Back in middle school, I was always labeled the "sensitive boy" which was as much a crime as rape. A lot of that was attributed to me not taking a liking to sports. (I went to middle school in a small, conservative town.)
I like how this book took on all the myths about a "too close" mother-son relationship and put them under the microscope. It showed how sexism leeks into boy's life and detaches them from key components to becoming a healthy adult. Some of the information could've been better presented, but it's still a book that hooks the reader. I could identity with almost every anecdote, which is scary come across in a book.
I don't think it will convince many anti-feminists or Evangelicals to change their way of thinking. They already think they are letting their boys have a sensitive side. Their idea of a sensitive, sweet boy is very limited. But I do think this can help moms who worry about their boys giving into peer pressure or battling insecurity issues for not being a "real man."
Growing up with a super Israeli mother, which means a lot of coddling to death, I was labeled mama's boy because most people didn't understand how opposite family life in Israeli culture from the mainstream Christian influence. Christian culture generally manifests as a patriarchal way of living, while contemporary Jewish culture is matriarchal, as in the mother has primary influence in the child's life. This is how the stereotype that jewish boys aren't going to be real men because they don't grow up with the "manly life," like hunting and fixing cars.
While in any "normal" American household wouldn't be happy that I liked sewing and decorating as a young kid, my mother thought it was just lovely and bought me all the fabrics I needed. Later on, when we moved, she devoted a whole summer to helping me pick out new furniture for our new home. This is why I didn't have many friends. Of course, that was a plus for my mother because it meant more time for me to spend with her. I felt so guilty for living this way for such a long time. I only stopped because I don't go to a high school anymore with a huge population of Latin Americans and East Asians, who never have been exposed to many Jewish people. I'm not saying everyone in those demographics aren't unfamiliar with my culture. There's more. Back in middle school, I was always labeled the "sensitive boy" which was as much a crime as rape. A lot of that was attributed to me not taking a liking to sports. (I went to middle school in a small, conservative town.)
I like how this book took on all the myths about a "too close" mother-son relationship and put them under the microscope. It showed how sexism leeks into boy's life and detaches them from key components to becoming a healthy adult. Some of the information could've been better presented, but it's still a book that hooks the reader. I could identity with almost every anecdote, which is scary come across in a book.
I don't think it will convince many anti-feminists or Evangelicals to change their way of thinking. They already think they are letting their boys have a sensitive side. Their idea of a sensitive, sweet boy is very limited. But I do think this can help moms who worry about their boys giving into peer pressure or battling insecurity issues for not being a "real man."
December 15, 2020
I felt like I needed a lot of her reassurances and it therefore applied very much to me and my kids.
September 5, 2025
2.5 stars. Just okay. I found myself agreeing with all the reviews that mentioned the book was unorganized and repetitive. The content was interesting, but it could’ve been an article.
February 9, 2018
For every mom raising a boy who knew she hated hearing people tell her 2 year old he was "tough" and didn't need to cry. You're onto something really important and this book is like a soul sister for that deep mother's intuition. Thank you to the author for setting the record straight and giving us reason to quietly and loudly eschew the "cut the apron strings" outdated model of parenting boys that only nets emotionally immature and insecure men. Mothers are critical first relationships for all of their children including their sons.
February 16, 2017
This book is full of facts and statistics making the case for a close relationship between mother's and sons. Since much of our society would have you believe that a mother is to blame for turning boys gay or being sensitive or not being manly enough this book is certainly a great place to get another side to this story. Mother's do not have to push their boys away, afraid of them falling in love with them or messing up their relationships with women later on and to make them strong and masculine. Men can be just as strong and masculine while having a strong bond with their mother. If you need affirmation that this is a positive relationship and there are studies to prove just how much this really is a positive thing, this book with certainly help you feel better about it. I do believe it will help change the world for the better. Boys/Men are healthier and more self confident, they treat women and people better, they do less drugs and are more emotional stable and less depressive. None of that is a bad thing.
June 4, 2014
This book fires back at folks who claim that mother ruin their sons by being active in their lives. Not only did she draw on research showing that sons who have mother who are active in their life do better, she also reversed a lot of what people say negatively against mothers, showing that we don't worry about fathers destroying their daughter's femininity or think incest when a father takes his daughter to a father-daughter dance.
One thing I found extremely interesting was the number of mothers who reported talking to their sons about their careers. At first I found this strange, but sons reported that it helped them to socially navigate career ladders and to see women as people with their own goals and interests. When I thought about this, I could see how this applied to my husband and the career success he has had.
And it also gave me things to look forward to as my son grows, which I always like. It affirmed ways that I could positively influence his life, such as helping him identify and process emotions and being a safe person to talk to things about.
Overall, some good and fascinating research and a lot of inspiring stories about the bond between a mother and her son that I could take and apply to my life.
One thing I found extremely interesting was the number of mothers who reported talking to their sons about their careers. At first I found this strange, but sons reported that it helped them to socially navigate career ladders and to see women as people with their own goals and interests. When I thought about this, I could see how this applied to my husband and the career success he has had.
And it also gave me things to look forward to as my son grows, which I always like. It affirmed ways that I could positively influence his life, such as helping him identify and process emotions and being a safe person to talk to things about.
Overall, some good and fascinating research and a lot of inspiring stories about the bond between a mother and her son that I could take and apply to my life.
April 19, 2012
This is an important book on a topic about which we talk all too little. Although the title may suggest otherwise and while Lombardi focuses of the mother-son relationship, she makes clear that boys need strong relationships to their fathers as well. So, this book should be read in conjunction with books that consoider a boy's need for a strong paternal bond.
The author goes from her strong relationship to her own son to cite surveys showing that young men who have strong relationships with their own mothers tend to make better husbands to their wives. And also recognizes that even when a mother is close to her son, she needs to recognize certain boundaries, that some issues in his life will remain off-limits to her.
And she writes well, very well.
The author goes from her strong relationship to her own son to cite surveys showing that young men who have strong relationships with their own mothers tend to make better husbands to their wives. And also recognizes that even when a mother is close to her son, she needs to recognize certain boundaries, that some issues in his life will remain off-limits to her.
And she writes well, very well.
June 4, 2012
I was torn between rating this 3 or 4 stars. The topic was interesting. The author made her point, although sometimes the anecdotes danced in the realm of ick.
The writing seemed a little drawn out, and some chapters were definitely stronger than others. It is unfortunate that the author has to spell out the difference between the relationships she is writing about and ones in which the mothers truly don't want their sons to grow up.
Nothing here seemed really new. I haven't felt pressure to push my sons away, so maybe the premise is no longer so unusual. More and more sons and daughters are being raised very similarly.
April 21, 2013
I highly recommend this book: thought-provoking; insightful; and highly readable. The old-model of encouraging boys to separate young, to toughen up emotionally, and to go it alone, is simply no longer working. One of my favorite insights is how in patriarchal societies individuals are viewed as strengthened by an association with things male and weakened by an association with things female. This is the best explanation I've read for the treatment of young men and boys who transgress from traditional male roles, while the same is not true for women and girls who transgress from traditional female roles. A great read!
February 2, 2013
Eh. I don't think I particularly needed permission from society to enjoy hugging my little guy, and like with most books about parenting boys, I found it a little tiring to have to keep tuning out Dad talk. Probably worth a read if you feel pressure from anywhere to toughen up your sons and stop cuddling them, but I'm lucky to live in a son-snuggling bubble and found most of the conclusions to be pretty intuitive and obvious.
July 23, 2013
The author presents a lot of thought-provoking research about the gender divide in our country. She defends the role of mothers in the development of healthy well-adjusted men. She defends the idea that a boy can have a close relationship with his mother and still grow to become a strong, independent man. A lot of what she argues seems second nature to me and many of the mothers I know but this may be a indicator that American values and cultural norms are changing, which is a good thing.
May 25, 2012
This book celebrates (and pushes for) close mother son relationships. Males who have strong relationships with their mothers are more successful at school, at work and in romantic relationships. Lombardi, a mother of a son, uses research/literature as well as her own interviews of mothers and sons. As the mom of a bighearted little boy, I found it affirming. LOVED it!
August 25, 2013
Thought-provoking but I have to agree with Amber that it is a bit more emotional than concrete. I also think there might be a generation gap between the author and I in terms of social expectations about gender.
July 15, 2012
Made a good article, but not enough meat for a book. Anecdotal evidence just seemed to repeat.
February 16, 2013
Important topic - undermined by pointless repetition & sermonizing.
July 2, 2012
Mamas of the world--it is healthy to keep your sons close. The closeness helps create healthly young men.
July 24, 2012
I thought there would be more stories, anecdotes, interviews and less repetition of the same small studies. Couldn't even finish the 1st chapter.
July 14, 2012
I liked the concepts, but felt it was not well written - too much repetition, chapters seemed disorganized.
December 3, 2012
Some good advice in between the often repetitious complaining about how society is trying to separate mothers and sons.
I'm sure I will remember this book when my son is a teenager.
I'm sure I will remember this book when my son is a teenager.
May 2, 2014
Finished this not quite in the nick of time! It's a new and interesting perspective on raising boys.
February 19, 2015
Only read 1/2 of. Not really interested.
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