Gaytheist: Coming Out of My Orthodox Childhood

by Lonnie Mann, Ryan Gatts (Artist)

A coming-of-age graphic novel memoir about a young man who, growing up in an Orthodox Jewish community, realizes he's gay and struggles to reconcile his faith with who he is.
Lonnie's Orthodox Jewish community has always been it's not okay to be gay. Growing up in a devout family and going to school at a yeshiva, he's told by his parents, his teachers, and his friends that being gay is a sin and an abomination. But as he gets older, he realizes that he likes boys, and wonders what kind of life he will be able to live. As Lonnie expands his world beyond the yeshiva to theater camp, college classes, and movie nights, he sees that the life he wants isn't compatible with the life of his parents — and his whole religious community.
This emotional graphic novel explores the fissures between identity and religion and charts Lonnie's journey from a kid who loved the rules of the Orthodox Jewish tradition to becoming increasingly independent and defiant, embracing his gay identity and developing his own chosen family.

Genres: Graphic Novels, Memoir, LGBT, Nonfiction, Queer, Comics, Jewish

260 pages, Paperback

First published February 6, 2024

About the author

I grew up doodling in class and reading comics outside of class.

Though I always knew I loved drawing, I didn’t realize how much I liked telling stories (and that I could combine those two passions) until I went back to school for a while at the School of Visual Arts in NYC.

My new full-length graphic novel about growing up gay and Orthodox Jewish, "Gaytheist: Coming Out of My Orthodox Childhood", will be released February 6, 2024 from Street Noise Books! Please consider pre-ordering it at your local comic shop / bookstore, online, and/or requesting it at your local library!

You can follow me on all the socials @LonnieComics.

Reviews

[BiblioBeruthiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ending is definitely kind of abrupt. I would have loved to have seen what the author's experience was with working to separate himself from the Orthodox community. What were his college years like? What is his relationship (if any) with his parents like now? Would definitely be interested in reading a sequel.

[Rod Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Life as a gay teen in the Orthodox Judaism faith seems hard enough already with all the rules and traditions, but throw in being gay in a religion firmly committed to heteronormativity and it is downright rough.

Surprisingly, this memoir is a bit subdued -- the author is accused a couple times in the story of suppressing his anger -- and rambles a bit slowly through scenes of family and friendship, but I was never bored or wanted to set it aside. The wonderful art provided by the author's spouse probably played a big part in that.

I'd be interested in seeing a follow-up that filled in the events between high school and getting married.

[Elizabeth A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book blurb: A coming-of-age graphic novel memoir about a young man who, growing up in an Orthodox Jewish community, realizes he's gay and struggles to reconcile his faith with who he is.

The illustrations are lovely and I was rooting for young Lonnie all the way. The ending was rather abrupt and I went back a few pages to check that I hadn't missed anything. While this is shelved in the adult section of my library I'd also recommend it for older teens.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lonnie grows up as a closeted gay Jewish man, realizing that the world he thought he believed in, what his family, teachers and personal circle pushed on him as an abomination, was not in alignment with who he knew he was.
Lonnie shares his stories and together with his spouse, Ryan Gatts, they craft an honest, heartfelt and wonderfully illustrated graphic memoir.
The journey of self-discovery and found family is one of the most profound and bravely tackled parts of life. Here is Lonnie's story.

[Jesse Hayden · Rating 3 out of 5]

What would it be like to come out as gay while leaving your religion? This touching and beautifully illustrated graphic novel explores that question. I resonated with aspects of Lonnie’s deconstruction, learned a whole lot about Orthodox Judaism, and appreciated the unique medium used (do any other graphic novels about religious doubt exist?). Parts of the book felt rushed and underdeveloped, and the repeated sections of exposition were a bit awkward. However, it’s a cool coming-of-age story, and I’ll definitely be adding it to my list of resources for fellow ex-religious folks.

[Ashur · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was hit by a particular line in the author's notes after finishing the book, in which Mann describes his childhood as, "...the intersection of high-demand religion and authoritarian parenting."

This is a very succinct way to describe an upbringing that my own* shares many similarities with.

As described within the text, finally being seen, known, and loved by Your People is so liberating, especially when compared to expectations from home, family, and community that may force you into squelching aspects of your identity that others find "abominable".

*I eventually came to terms with being a multivalently queer atheist raised strictly in the Church of Christ in the U.S. South.

[Gabriel Noel · Rating 3 out of 5]

ARC given by Edelweiss+ for Honest Review

A well told coming-out story of an orthodox Jewish boy from his childhood to the end of high-school. Mann recounts his struggles as well as his joys of being queer while questioning his religion.

The art is charming and lends itself well to the story.

I'm a little torn with how the graphic memoir ended. It was incredibly abruptly and barely touched on how he became fully atheist.

Overall, this has a lot of potential but unless it's getting a part two...it needed more time to fully finish.

[Maryann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish it had been longer! I would have appreciated more of Lonnie's deconstruction and exit from his religion.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ouch. Right in the trauma

[Davenport Public Library Iowa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gaytheist: Coming Out of My Orthodox Childhood by Lonnie Mann with art by Lonnie Mann and Ryan Gatts is a coming-of-age graphic memoir about discovering that you are gay while growing up in an Orthodox Jewish community.

Lonnie has always been told that it's not okay to be gay in his Orthodox Jewish community. This was never an issue for Lonnie until one day it was. Lonnie grew up in a devout family. He went to school at a yeshiva, a traditional Orthodox Jewish school. As a result, he learned the rules of the Orthodox Jewish community, at times even loving and strictly following them.

Eventually, Lonnie realizes that he likes boys. This puts him into a crisis of identity and religion, as he has always been told that being gay is a sin. When he learns that 'having those feelings' is fine but acting on them is the sin, Lonnie is even more confused. He's lost. He wonders about what kind of life he will be able to live within the Orthodox Jewish community, which turns to him wondering if he even wants to stay within the community as an adult. Once Lonnie expands his life beyond yeshiva and his family, the world and more possibilities open up. He attends a theater camp, takes college classes in the city, and has movie nights with friends he meets. These new experiences open his eyes to the type of life available to him. The caveat: the life he wants isn't possible within the world of his parents or his religious community. Not wanting to deny his identity, Lonnie embraces his true self, builds his own chosen family, and defies everything that he has been told his entire life to find his true happiness. This struggle to separate identity and religion consumes Lonnie, something that still lingers.

This graphic novel memoir was great, leaving me hoping for a sequel. The ending was a bit abrupt. I was left wanting to learn more about Lonnie's experience separating himself from his Orthodox Jewish community. How did attending college influence him? How did his friendships and romantic relationships shape him? How did he become an atheist? I was also interested in hearing about his relationships with his parents and other family members, if he has any at all. While I have all of these questions, I recognize that the author doesn't owe me any answers. They shared what they are comfortable sharing. What helped bridge this gap for me was the list of resources available at the end. In the author's note, he lists books, documentaries, television shows, and websites where readers can learn more about other people who have escaped from Orthodox Jewish communities, as well as resources for people who may need help or a welcoming community.
- Stephanie, Information Services Librarian

[Michelle Tuite · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading 2025
Book 23: Gaytheist: Coming Out of My Orthodox Childhood by Lonnie Mann

A graphic memoir that I found while looking for nonfiction graphic novels for Nonfiction November.

Synopsis: A coming-of-age graphic novel memoir about a young man who, growing up in an Orthodox Jewish community, realizes he's gay and struggles to reconcile his faith with who he is.

Review: The book was good, though I found myself wanting more from the author’s story. He was retelling how difficult it was to come out to his parents, and deal with his feelings. I felt he held back some, my rating 3.5⭐️.

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was on display at my local library, and intriguing to access a whole world that I know so little about. The story is told in graphic form, and really captures the awkwardness of adolescence, the pain of being misunderstood in one's own family and community, and the joy of discovering new friends and new love. Sometimes it felt like the author was holding back and some stories could have been more fully told, although perhaps that was done intentionally to widen the audience. There's a good list of additional resources in the back of the book. Really glad my library brought this book to my attention and happy to have read it.

[Raven Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm actually giving this more of a 3.5-3.9 as I was hoping for a deeper look into the religion itself, as I am unfamiliar with the religion and its practices. Plus, the illustrations could have been more detailed for my own personal tastes. However, it is a good introduction to one person's experiences. It is about a personal journey and each reader will have their own personal experience reading. Very enjoyable read, even with the difficulties presented.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's always weird to rate a memoir. i thought the author told his story well, but with the title I expected this to cover more how he left the faith and embraced his life as a gay adult. this story is entirely about his childhood and ends on his first kiss with a boy, so you see him questioning and asserting himself, but not the conclusions/his path into adulthood.

[Aurora · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hadn’t realized this was YA (thought it was Adult), so it ended a bit sooner than I had been hoping for. Would love to read a sequel about his life after high school. I feel like it did a good job portraying the challenging situation he grew up in.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked the coming of age, coming out and becoming athiest all in one book. Having come from a similar upbringing I felt I could relate to the characters extremely well. Great storyline and art.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I can't say I loved the ending which just sort of happened?

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novel was a delight. 5* because 4 doesn't feel like enough.

[Joakim Jurvakainen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kaunista piirrosjälkeä. Tätä kautta oppi taas uutta uskonnosta, josta ei hirveästi tiedä mitään. Kirja loppui vähän äkisti, olisin toivonut että tekijä olisi vielä kertonut niistä tapahtumista, joihin hän vain että näin tulee tapahtumaan. Esimerkiksi siitä kun hän hylkää uskon täysin

[Emmi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A nice memoir of a very difficult coming out.

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25⭐

This was an interesting view on Judaism from the author's perspective - I learnt a lot about the religious traditions. I wish that the book delved more into some parts, though. All in all, the artwork was really nice and I liked the positive vibe of the graphic novel.

[Matilda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sad story, sweetly told.

[Dakota Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gaytheist delivers the narrative promised by the subtitle: a young Orthodox Jewish man in New York slowly concludes that he's gay and begins to come out to his friends and family. It's a long, engaging process that helps reveal the coming out journey - it's very much not a leap straight from the closet into the Pride parade.

The world of Orthodox Judaism is treated relatively lightly, though there are certainly shocking reveals about the beliefs within this insular world. Lonnie Mann gives a rebuke to the cult-like religion at large, but is thoughtful of his friends and family, not necessarily berating them for sticking to their (absurd) religious beliefs.

Ultimately, Gaytheist is not the tragic coming-out story you might expect. It's certainly sad in places, but there's also a surprising amount of support. I look forward to whatever Mann writes next - hopefully something that continues his life story beyond these teenage years.

[Villain E · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this graphic memoir, the author realizes he's gay at an early age. He grows up in an Orthodox Jewish community which is very insular. In this community they believe that being gay isn't a sin but acting on it is. The author comes out to his parents, who aren't accepting, and a few friends, but he really finds himself when he is able to attend classes and make friends outside the Orthodox Jewish community. He spends the book first trying to reconcile his beliefs with his feelings, then questioning his beliefs, then, well, the title is a spoiler.

The story was told well. There were no surprises. I respect that this is autobiographical and deeply personal for the author, but it's pretty generic for a coming out story. The ending was rushed. The art was pretty good, but I had trouble telling some of the side characters apart.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written and illustrated memoir of the author's teenage years in Orthodox Judaism. The subtitle is a little misleading, as it's really only about his childhood, and ends rather abruptly with the author still living with his Orthodox family. But it's a good story of realizing who you are, having the strength to be true to it, and the difference one or two good friends will make in that. Well done.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating portrait of a gay man's journey out of a religious upbringing and finding a way in the world.

[Deke Moulton · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I were to some of this book in a single word, it would be underwhelming.

A book about becoming an atheist? Reduced to a single footnote on the last page about how he eventually became atheist. And in fact, his coming out story is portrayed as being traumatic, but he comes out to like eight different people and every single person is very positive and welcoming and full of love, if a few people don’t fully understand (yet the author never seems to actually sit down and work through misunderstandings, just takes it as a cue to run).

I think one of my biggest issues, or the thing that was the most jarring to me, was that he kept talking about how absolutely terrible and fanatical and abusive his parents were but like I truly felt like it was not a bad coming out? Like both of his parents hugged him and actually said they loved him and accepted him and the most that they were wanting him to do was not “act on“ being gay but I feel like with time and stuff, it feels like there was a strong possibility that they could’ve had a healthy relationship?

And like, there’s the part where the mom “ freaks out“ because her son says he doesn’t want to be Jewish anymore. Which I think any parent would actually be really hurt by that? And especially because he brings it up in such a blaise passive manner, but like he may have maybe expected such a shocked response? (but I could also be saying that because as a parent, I can certainly see where the mom was coming from being shocked)

like I just feel like the entire story was really kind of tame? Not like I wanted to read about actual abusive people, but like I had to put down kissing girls on Shabbat because that got really intense - it’s just felt like their genuinely could’ve been much better conversations between Lonnie and his parents? Like never once did the parents ever say he was disgusting or an embarrassment… But the author acts though he is a hero because he takes the slightest little pebble in the road as an incredible impediment and he must be applauded for taking that as a sign to completely assign everyone he knows as a evil bigger.

Like, he literally listens to his dad talk about how he also struggles to follow everything religiously and like goodness they could’ve maybe had a conversation about how “hey you sometimes really struggle with being a perfect Jew, and I am struggling with how to be Jewish and gay?”

Like at one point even says like he knows other people have it worse and he didn’t get kicked out and his parents literally get him a therapist to talk to (about being depressed!!! Not even about being gay!!!). His parents don’t even try to set him up with girls. They both acknowledge that he’s gay constantly. He comes out to like four different people at school, and every person welcomes him and loves him. Somehow this is all evil.

And it’s just strange because he portrays his community is being really terrible, but like he also talks about how he played magic the gathering and video games… Things I know that, for example, fantastical evangelical households don’t allow. Somehow trying to build an equivalency to truly violent, hate filled religious communities makes this entire memoir fall flat.

Then at the very end he just kind of ends it was saying “and so I am not Jewish at all anymore“ and I just feel like what was the point of even writing the book?

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Simple-minded propaganda that is poorly drawn and badly written. Its intent is not to tell an honest, detailed story of a young gay schoolboy but to push a leftist anti-God, anti-Jewish, anti-family agenda that stereotypes everyone outside a narrowly defined mindset as homophobes. There's literally nothing to this book beyond the final page pushing atheism and getting away from your family. The irony is that the author comes out so early in life to mostly supportive parents without any real negative response that this is almost an example of the opposite of what he tries to make it to be.

There is so little to this illustrated book that the words without the photos would take up less than ten pages of a normal memoir. It only minimally covers his childhood, where he comes out to his Orthodox Jewish family in his early teens, misinterprets every response as "traumatic" and "homophobic" when they're not at all, doesn't like his religion's perspective on homosexuality, and finally gets his first kiss from another boy.

Then the book suddenly ends and he writes on the final page, "One day, I would finally leave Judaism and accept that I no longer believed in any God at all. I would find love and support in a chosen family." No explanation, no details. What a waste of pages.

When he comes out to his dad he gets a supportive hug but complains that his father's verbal response (that Mann may be confused since he's still sexually inexperienced) is called a "trope." In truth this book is filled with the writer's anti-Semitic, anti-religion, anti-family, anti-anyone-that-doesn't-react-exactly-as-a-gay-guy-wants tropes.

This is filled with the very stereotyping that thegay community claims to hate in others. Being gay "isn't something I would have chosen," Mann writes in a coming-out note to his mother, but in reality his parents are correct--he is so young and unsure of his sexuality that it's obvious he is making a choice very early on (before he has even touched another guy). Experiencing puberty and social anxiety can do a lot of things to an adolescent, but a boy-turned-adult is responsible for the choices made.

Considering that young people will "read" the simplistic conclusion as "normal" means that the author and publisher have printed propaganda without the perspective of others. That's just as wrong as anything he claims his family or religion did to him.

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Growing up in an Orthodox Jewish household, Lonnie was always a good rule follower and tried to please his parents with his devotion. But as he gets older, he realizes an unshakeable truth that will pull him away from his faith and change his relationship with his family forever - he’s gay. While he continues to receive confusing messages from elders in his community about whether his very identity is a sin, his parents are also less than supportive and try to help Lonnie keep picturing a future with a wife and kids, as an Orthodox follower, ignoring his true self entirely. Then comes Lonnie’s chance to make friends outside his insular community and experience the world for himself, allowing him to make his own choices for the first time ever.

Gaytheist is a graphic novel memoir about a gay boy growing up in an Orthodox Jewish household. I didn’t know much about the strict rules and practices that come with being Orthodox, and the most interesting parts of the book were moments where Lonnie had to learn rituals, participate in prayers and songs, and otherwise be fully immersed in the teachings and intense study that his family expected. His own coming out story is stressful for sure, while he tries to come to terms with his identity and receives no support from his family. He finally tells a close friend, and meets some other friends through an art camp, and things get a lot better as he experiences more of the world outside the strict life he’s always known. But for some reason, the urgency and emotion in the story was somewhat missing for me. I also would have liked to see more of Lonnie’s life story, we don’t end up seeing how he does beyond high school or how his relationship with his parents continues to shift or how he breaks from the Orthodox faith. The story felt a little incomplete. Gaytheist was mostly interesting and the discussions around religion and how to mesh a sense of self with a community that does not accept one’s personhood was a good part of the story, but it didn’t otherwise fit together well enough for me.

[Shira · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lonnie is a 'good boy' and wants to follow the rules. Living in an ultra-orthodox community that means following the rules as laid out in all the Jewish texts as strictly as possible and growing up to marry a nice Jewish girl and have children of his own. The only problem with this plan is Lonnie is gay.

Lonnie does a great job of describing an orthodox Jewish upbringing, from the eating of cholent (veggie cholent is delicious!) to the little rebellions. Lonnie also does a great job of describing people's reaction to gay in the 90's. It was no longer an automatic expulsion from the life you knew, it was a series of microaggressions that those not experiencing them might not realize are incredibly traumatizing.

Why I'm only giving this book 3 stars. Lonnie did such a great job describing his childhood and why he knew he would leave Orthodox Judaism, but despite introducing Conservative and Reform Jewish characters who are accepting of him at the end, he doesn't explain why he decided to completely leave Judaism. This wouldn't be such a big issue for me if he didn't mention it at the end of the book. A memoir doesn't have to tell a whole life story, only a part, but this felt like such an awkward and abrupt mention at the end. If it weren't for the last page or two, I would have given this 4 stars.