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Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion
"When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control."
Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view—and take the lead in most disputes.
This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of "human interaction":
People feel the need to be respected People would rather be asked than be told People have a desire to know why People prefer to have options over threats People want to have a second chance
Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you’ll be able to have your say—and say what you mean.
Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view—and take the lead in most disputes.
This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of "human interaction":
People feel the need to be respected People would rather be asked than be told People have a desire to know why People prefer to have options over threats People want to have a second chance
Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you’ll be able to have your say—and say what you mean.
224 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 1993
1947 people are currently reading
7352 people want to read
About the author
George J. Thompson
9 books31 followersDr. Thompson ("Doc Rhino") is the Founder of the Verbal Judo Institute. Since 1983 and until he died in 2011, he personally trained more than 700,000 individuals in Tactical Communications -- a program he developed in 1983 for defusing conflict and redirecting behavior with words.
Doc had a B.A. from Colgate University (1963), a Masters and Doctorate in English from the University of Connecticut (1972), and completed post-doctoral work at Princeton University in Rhetoric & Persuasion (1979). He has written and published four books on Tactical Communictions.
Widely published in magazines and periodicals, his training has been highlighted in such national media outlets as NBC, ABC, & CBS News, CNN, 48 Hours, Inside Edition, LETN, In the Line of Duty, and Fox news, as well as in the LA Times, NY Post, Sacramento Bee, and other publications.
(source)
Doc had a B.A. from Colgate University (1963), a Masters and Doctorate in English from the University of Connecticut (1972), and completed post-doctoral work at Princeton University in Rhetoric & Persuasion (1979). He has written and published four books on Tactical Communictions.
Widely published in magazines and periodicals, his training has been highlighted in such national media outlets as NBC, ABC, & CBS News, CNN, 48 Hours, Inside Edition, LETN, In the Line of Duty, and Fox news, as well as in the LA Times, NY Post, Sacramento Bee, and other publications.
(source)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 630 reviews
November 9, 2018
[November 2018 update: I just noticed there's a Second Edition. Please note that my review is for the First; I have not read the Second, so please do not be discouraged from reading that because of my review.]
This is material I need to recommend; I just can't recommend this book. At least not to my friends, not to the people I hang out with or care about. Read Nonviolent Communication instead. Please.
Verbal Judo is... disturbing. It's about communication, but the undertone is about lying and pretending to empathize in order to get people to do what you want:
Halfway through the book, I almost abandoned it. I was feeling upset, dejected, cheapened. But I persisted, picking it up again after a day. Now I don't know. My best guess is that the author has developed compassion, has grown into a decent human, but is using a gruff tone to reach a coarser target audience. Bubbas for whom "listen" is a four-letter word. This is an all-macho book. Maybe he's hoping to civilize a few people by surprise? I don't know. I'll hope that's it, and wish him well.
There is important material in Verbal Judo: stuff that is critically important to know to lead a better life. But to my friends and loved ones: please read Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. That's about being a better person, developing better relationships, about caring. Not just pretending.
This is material I need to recommend; I just can't recommend this book. At least not to my friends, not to the people I hang out with or care about. Read Nonviolent Communication instead. Please.
Verbal Judo is... disturbing. It's about communication, but the undertone is about lying and pretending to empathize in order to get people to do what you want:
"The other person will believe you're trying to understand. Whether you really are interested is irrelevant." (p.81)
Halfway through the book, I almost abandoned it. I was feeling upset, dejected, cheapened. But I persisted, picking it up again after a day. Now I don't know. My best guess is that the author has developed compassion, has grown into a decent human, but is using a gruff tone to reach a coarser target audience. Bubbas for whom "listen" is a four-letter word. This is an all-macho book. Maybe he's hoping to civilize a few people by surprise? I don't know. I'll hope that's it, and wish him well.
There is important material in Verbal Judo: stuff that is critically important to know to lead a better life. But to my friends and loved ones: please read Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. That's about being a better person, developing better relationships, about caring. Not just pretending.
December 30, 2011
After reading some reviews I really wanted to love this book. In fact, I immediatly marched out and purchased it as soon as I heard of it. As a professional working in the behavioral health field I was excited to get a text that utilized a practical rather than soley theoretical viewpoint. I found neither a practical "street smart" or empirically based material in this book. Perhaps 10 out of over 200 pages actually covers any real skills or techniques. The rest is bravado, some honest self reflection that doesn't seem like intentional teaching moments, and attempts to persuade the authors main market, police officers.
The stories about the hostage taker and the man who almost took his own life in a bath tub were horrifying. It was not horrifying because of the way he laid out the narrative. I was scared that he may have been so callous and misguided to speak to people in crisis the way he did. The idea of utilizing empathy as a springboard in crisis is sound. The problem is that this author doesn't explain or seem to understand what the concepts mean other than as buzzwords.
This could have been a memoir about a man's search for personal transformation and change, but that is as far is it goes.
The stories about the hostage taker and the man who almost took his own life in a bath tub were horrifying. It was not horrifying because of the way he laid out the narrative. I was scared that he may have been so callous and misguided to speak to people in crisis the way he did. The idea of utilizing empathy as a springboard in crisis is sound. The problem is that this author doesn't explain or seem to understand what the concepts mean other than as buzzwords.
This could have been a memoir about a man's search for personal transformation and change, but that is as far is it goes.
February 19, 2013
I picked this book up at work one night while rotating through what seemed like endless constant observation of patients, one after the other, through the night. In my job working with psychiatric patients, words are important and can mean the difference between calming a volatile situation or blowing it up into something violent, unpredictable and dangerous. So I was intrigued by a number of articles I read in Psychiatric Times that all pointed to this book and the concepts it teaches in order to gain voluntary compliance in tough situations.
I've been noticing recently that many times when talking to patients, my intentions and their results are often wildly divergent. I realize that some of this is due to my audience- you can't expect reason from those suffering through acute psychosis or the effects of alcohol or narcotics withdrawl. Still, after careful introspection and examination, I concluded that much of the blame for situations that erupted in physical confrontation lay with me and the way in which I approached a person in distress, my physical demeanor and often my speech.
So with that in mind, I started reading this book and it was an eye opener. The author is an ex University professor of rhetoric who left that position to become a cop in LA, so he has both the classical education in communication and the practical knowledge of someone who must, literally, speak correctly to stay alive. He outlines a very simple program that stresses always keeping some emotional distance between yourself and your words; knowing your audience well enough to guess what might work and what won't; outlining exactly those phrases that intend to quell an intense situation but instead inflame it; and above all else, in most situations, will allow a person to comply with your wishes without losing face.
Before even finishing the book, I had an opportunity one morning to put it into practice. A patient was agitated and nothing much seemed to get through to him. As the nurses were getting medication ready, I approached the man and started talking to him using some of the tools that Thompson outlines to cut through a verbal tirade and get him to be quiet and listen to me. I wasn't confident that it would work, although in the past I've been able to stumble through encounters like this and end up at a relatively positive outcome. I was surprised however at how effectively Thompson's techniques worked to quiet the patient and quell the situation.
So I'm sold. My next goal is to try to apply these techniques to my interpersonal communication, where it's much more difficult to keep a professional attitude. I'll update...
I've been noticing recently that many times when talking to patients, my intentions and their results are often wildly divergent. I realize that some of this is due to my audience- you can't expect reason from those suffering through acute psychosis or the effects of alcohol or narcotics withdrawl. Still, after careful introspection and examination, I concluded that much of the blame for situations that erupted in physical confrontation lay with me and the way in which I approached a person in distress, my physical demeanor and often my speech.
So with that in mind, I started reading this book and it was an eye opener. The author is an ex University professor of rhetoric who left that position to become a cop in LA, so he has both the classical education in communication and the practical knowledge of someone who must, literally, speak correctly to stay alive. He outlines a very simple program that stresses always keeping some emotional distance between yourself and your words; knowing your audience well enough to guess what might work and what won't; outlining exactly those phrases that intend to quell an intense situation but instead inflame it; and above all else, in most situations, will allow a person to comply with your wishes without losing face.
Before even finishing the book, I had an opportunity one morning to put it into practice. A patient was agitated and nothing much seemed to get through to him. As the nurses were getting medication ready, I approached the man and started talking to him using some of the tools that Thompson outlines to cut through a verbal tirade and get him to be quiet and listen to me. I wasn't confident that it would work, although in the past I've been able to stumble through encounters like this and end up at a relatively positive outcome. I was surprised however at how effectively Thompson's techniques worked to quiet the patient and quell the situation.
So I'm sold. My next goal is to try to apply these techniques to my interpersonal communication, where it's much more difficult to keep a professional attitude. I'll update...
April 11, 2018
I'm currently working temporarily as a Military Policeman for the Marine Corps, and this thing called "verbal judo" is frequently mentioned, so I thought I would check out this book. Personally I have a bachelor's degree in criminal justice, a few classes in psychology, and I've read books about communication... so I started the book with some formal education on interpersonal communication. So did it offer anything insightful or unique? Let's see...
Well, the first warning sign was the whole "guru" nature of the presentation, which I'm always leery about. I cringe when I see books that say things like "with my extensive training, you can trust that my advice will work for you." One of the first actual sentences in the book is this absolutist statement: "Verbal Judo can help in every profession and can greatly enhance our personal lives." Hmm...
The actual first strike was this collection of sentences:
The second strike was when he explained the difference between "Nice People, Difficult People, and Wimps." So a nice person does what you ask if you're in a position of authority, a difficult person fights everything (the author says he's one of these, go figure), and a wimp is a coward who is agreeable to your face but then fights you behind your back. Alright, hold up - nothing in life is that simple. He explains about wimps:
STRIP PHRASES:
The final strike was simply chapter after chapter of acronyms and guru rules (gurules?). He even says, "you'll find I'm big on acronyms." Well I'm not. I'm in the military and that sh*t is ridiculous. I hate acronyms because they're counter-productive. They are meant to help you remember, but when everything is an acronym, you no longer can tell what the acronym is supposed to stand for. Here's an example, from the Navy: ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC. Anyway, who ever legitimately enjoys when some guru gives you a new acronym or rule to memorize? Here are some of Mr. Thompson's rules and acronyms:
• PAVPO
• LEAPS
• SAFER
• "My rule is: Treat everyone the same (with REspect and dignity), but don’t talk to everyone the same way"
• "a few simple guidelines for taking criticism" (5 items)
• The Elements of Communication (tone, pace, pitch, modulation)
• "start with the Sword of Insertion, a wedge into the harangue like 'Whoa!' or 'Listen!' (spoken earnestly, not in anger) or 'Wait a second.'"
• THE ULTIMATE EMPATHETIC SENTENCE: “Let me be sure I heard what you just said.”
• "Remember the ancient principle: Look good, sound good, or no good"
• FOURTEEN BENEFITS OF PARAPHRASING
... etcetera, etcetera. All of this is made even worse by the unnecessarily verbose writing. That short bullet-point list I made up there would probably have been more useful than the actual book. The actual substance is minimal, filled with boasts, explanations and stories. This book desperately needs an editor with a copy of "Strunk and White: Elements of Style" right next to the keyboard. Basically, "verbal judo" boils down to good use of interpersonal communication, things like empathy and paraphrasing so both parties understand each other.
tl;dr: I think the popularity of this book boils down to this: "Verbal Judo" sounds more badass than "Effective Interpersonal Communication."
Well, the first warning sign was the whole "guru" nature of the presentation, which I'm always leery about. I cringe when I see books that say things like "with my extensive training, you can trust that my advice will work for you." One of the first actual sentences in the book is this absolutist statement: "Verbal Judo can help in every profession and can greatly enhance our personal lives." Hmm...
The actual first strike was this collection of sentences:
"I’m a middle-aged jock with a chip on his shoulder who could just as easily scream in your face and wrestle you to the floor as smile and calm the situation with a well-chosen word. Don’t I sound like an English Ph.D.? I’m just like you. If I get cut off in traffic, my first impulse is revenge."Yeah, that's not really like me at all...
"If someone barks at me, my first reaction is to take his head off... It makes me chuckle to realize how quickly I can shake a fist (or a digit) at another driver while on my way to the airport to fly somewhere and teach my course on proper responses to negative situations."So, this fellow just told me he's a jock with poor impulse control, but his stealth boast about how he has a Ph.D is supposed to make me bow before his authority on the subject of interpersonal communication?
The second strike was when he explained the difference between "Nice People, Difficult People, and Wimps." So a nice person does what you ask if you're in a position of authority, a difficult person fights everything (the author says he's one of these, go figure), and a wimp is a coward who is agreeable to your face but then fights you behind your back. Alright, hold up - nothing in life is that simple. He explains about wimps:
"When I’m teaching Verbal Judo and I hear people mutter, 'That’s a bunch of garbage,' I don’t let it pass. I say, 'Excuse me, what was that you said? I’d like to know.' When they try to wave me off or laugh it away, I persist. 'No, tell me so I can speak to it.' The Wimp has been stripped of his cover and now he has to put up or shut up. Now he can either make a legitimate point, ask a question, or shut up. And if he shuts up he has lost credibility with his peers. If nothing else, that eliminates the sniping. Many think it’s best to ignore Wimps, but that’s just another form of resisting them. Ignored or resisted, they grow stronger. The basic principle here is to confront them honestly. They immediately weaken."... yeah dude, people aren't stupid. I get it - you don't like people talking behind your back, publicly weakening your position. Nobody likes that... but people at your seminars don't say these things directly to your face because you hold all the power there. As soon as you call them out, they get embarrassed, and they know they aren't going to win that fight. It's like when a drill instructor says something along the lines of "do any of you recruits have a problem with [X]? If you do, raise your hand. Nobody is raising their hands, so nobody must have a problem with it." - It's a lose-lose scenario to be a "difficult person" in such an instance, so it's not black and white. Sometimes it's beneficial to be nice, difficult, or even a so-called "wimp." People can be nice to the officer giving them a ticket and still fight them in court. Sorry, let's move on...
STRIP PHRASES:
"I asked to see his driver’s license and he responded with a bunch of curses. Almost without thinking, I said, 'Well, I ’preciate that, sir, but I need to see your license.' He kind of laughed me off but produced his license. Later it struck me that my colloquial use of the word ’preciate was the key. So I used ’preciate that as what I now call a 'strip phrase,' a deflector that strips the insult of its power."... what the f**k? I get it, but... okay, moving on...
The final strike was simply chapter after chapter of acronyms and guru rules (gurules?). He even says, "you'll find I'm big on acronyms." Well I'm not. I'm in the military and that sh*t is ridiculous. I hate acronyms because they're counter-productive. They are meant to help you remember, but when everything is an acronym, you no longer can tell what the acronym is supposed to stand for. Here's an example, from the Navy: ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC. Anyway, who ever legitimately enjoys when some guru gives you a new acronym or rule to memorize? Here are some of Mr. Thompson's rules and acronyms:
• PAVPO
• LEAPS
• SAFER
• "My rule is: Treat everyone the same (with REspect and dignity), but don’t talk to everyone the same way"
• "a few simple guidelines for taking criticism" (5 items)
• The Elements of Communication (tone, pace, pitch, modulation)
• "start with the Sword of Insertion, a wedge into the harangue like 'Whoa!' or 'Listen!' (spoken earnestly, not in anger) or 'Wait a second.'"
• THE ULTIMATE EMPATHETIC SENTENCE: “Let me be sure I heard what you just said.”
• "Remember the ancient principle: Look good, sound good, or no good"
• FOURTEEN BENEFITS OF PARAPHRASING
... etcetera, etcetera. All of this is made even worse by the unnecessarily verbose writing. That short bullet-point list I made up there would probably have been more useful than the actual book. The actual substance is minimal, filled with boasts, explanations and stories. This book desperately needs an editor with a copy of "Strunk and White: Elements of Style" right next to the keyboard. Basically, "verbal judo" boils down to good use of interpersonal communication, things like empathy and paraphrasing so both parties understand each other.
tl;dr: I think the popularity of this book boils down to this: "Verbal Judo" sounds more badass than "Effective Interpersonal Communication."
January 20, 2013
I guess I was expecting more. The whole book felt like a big promotion to take the guy's seminar. By page sixty, the author was still going on and on about how helpful the book was going to be without having given any helpful information. The actual helpful bits are scattered around and have to be gleaned while plowing through a lot of bragging and peacocking behavior. A lot of what the guy tells you is common sense. Maybe if you are a very angry male who has no idea why his wife wants to divorce him and his children think he's a jerk, then it could help. But, then again, there are a lot of people like that out there so maybe this book was meant for them.
January 19, 2024
Когато започнах да работя със затворници преди няколко години, това доведе до значителни промени в личността ми и начина, по който общувам и гледам на хората. И тия промени бяха към по-добро.
Това, на което те учи комуникацията с подобни хора в условията на затвора е скромност и смирение, в най-библейския смисъл на тия думи (всъщност, точно тогава почнах да разбирам за какво изобщо говори библията като ги споменава).
Разбира се, може да те научи и на друго - може да те научи да палиш лесно, да избухваш като бомба при най-малка провокация, да си груб и невъз��итан. И доста колеги са точно такива (макар че повечето не са). Освен това (не знам като причина или като резултат) са вечно недоволни мрънкалници.
Защото ако не потиснеш егото си в полза на професионализма, ако не спреш да се опитваш да се налагаш над другите като форма на самоактуализация, ако не спреш да приемаш лично неща, които са просто плод на ситуацията - само ще страдаш. Ще страдаш в конкретния момент, ще страдаш в дългосрочен план и много ще страда психичното ти здраве.
"Словесно джудо - нежното изкуство на убеждаването" не е написана за нежни хора - написана е от бивш полицай и дава примери главно от неговата полицейска работа. Човекът наистина има докторат по литература, но и черни колани по карате и джудо и не е от хората, които захаросват истината.
От професионалната си позиция, намирам написаното в книгата за изключително важно и отговарящо 100% на действителността. Конкретните реплики и техники за убеждаване и деескалиране на ситуации, които авторът дава работят и използването им е много по-подходящо (в професионален и в личностен план) от техниките за употреба на сила или от обикновеното надвикване, в 99% от ситуациите .
Това, на което те учи комуникацията с подобни хора в условията на затвора е скромност и смирение, в най-библейския смисъл на тия думи (всъщност, точно тогава почнах да разбирам за какво изобщо говори библията като ги споменава).
Разбира се, може да те научи и на друго - може да те научи да палиш лесно, да избухваш като бомба при най-малка провокация, да си груб и невъз��итан. И доста колеги са точно такива (макар че повечето не са). Освен това (не знам като причина или като резултат) са вечно недоволни мрънкалници.
Защото ако не потиснеш егото си в полза на професионализма, ако не спреш да се опитваш да се налагаш над другите като форма на самоактуализация, ако не спреш да приемаш лично неща, които са просто плод на ситуацията - само ще страдаш. Ще страдаш в конкретния момент, ще страдаш в дългосрочен план и много ще страда психичното ти здраве.
"Словесно джудо - нежното изкуство на убеждаването" не е написана за нежни хора - написана е от бивш полицай и дава примери главно от неговата полицейска работа. Човекът наистина има докторат по литература, но и черни колани по карате и джудо и не е от хората, които захаросват истината.
От професионалната си позиция, намирам написаното в книгата за изключително важно и отговарящо 100% на действителността. Конкретните реплики и техники за убеждаване и деескалиране на ситуации, които авторът дава работят и използването им е много по-подходящо (в професионален и в личностен план) от техниките за употреба на сила или от обикновеното надвикване, в 99% от ситуациите .
August 16, 2012
I read this because it was recommended by a friend because it had some good points.
It does, however the good points could have been summed up in about 7 pages.
It does, however the good points could have been summed up in about 7 pages.
September 11, 2008
Dr. Thompson has worked as an English teacher, a police officer and a consultant. Communication is a major key in his life. As a cop he had to figure out how to get people to comply with lawful directions without resorting to physically making them follow instructions. For example, "I stopped you for speeding sir. Please give me your driver's license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance."
"No."
Now what?
This book discusses things not to say, dead end arguments, talking yourself into a corner, and, how to get things done without creating an enemy and using force.
This book and its concepts are taught to police officers and teachers. (I was directed to read it through a UCLA course in teaching.) It just might save you from a frustrating experience with a friend, loved one, co-worker, waittress, or complete stranger. (In complete stranger are another subject I guess.)
"No."
Now what?
This book discusses things not to say, dead end arguments, talking yourself into a corner, and, how to get things done without creating an enemy and using force.
This book and its concepts are taught to police officers and teachers. (I was directed to read it through a UCLA course in teaching.) It just might save you from a frustrating experience with a friend, loved one, co-worker, waittress, or complete stranger. (In complete stranger are another subject I guess.)
June 16, 2017
Okay - the practices are sound. The delivery leaves much to be desired.
November 5, 2021
George Thompson is wholly unqualified to write this book. Even then, this book is little more than unsupervised advice from a man who went to a therapy session, once. Unqualified is not an insult but a mere fact; Thompson is not a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or even an expert in communications. This man has a PhD in English and then decided to become a cop.
Now that we have established that this is a non scientific book by a man masquerading as a scholar, let’s talk about the content of this book. It reads like an as seen on tv commercial for the book you are currently and actively reading. Too many times are the phrases “the fortune of reading this book” or “if you take my course you’ll…” used to not be an advertisement. This is the very least of our worries. Here’s a list of things within the content of this book that made me hate it:
- the basis of this book is that you must eschew all emotion in order to employ logic and persuasion
- The definition of verbal judo as given by Thompson is a description of emotional manipulation
- There is an entire chapter about how Thompson lied to a suicidal person to get him not to commit suicide, yet it somehow was written with an impossible lack of compassion
- The vague mention of “the latest studies” and “studies I’ve worked on,” yet nothing is cited and Thompson does not have any peer reviewed papers cited on google scholar
- There are myriad anecdotal accounts of the author lying in the book. This makes me feel that I can’t trust a word he says. Also see above points about lack of citation and the book reading as an advertisement.
- The fact that Thompson had a completely unreflective experience as a police officer. Even early stories in which he’s “learned” from, the learning that is done is how to manipulate people.
- The overwhelming single view point of a middle aged white man who has felt the tiniest amount of power. This book considers no other context.
- The very first anecdote is one about domestic violence, yet Thompson admits that his advising officer actively tried to avoid filling out paperwork or protect either party in the domestic dispute under the guise of “verbal judo strategy.” This is not only irresponsible in terms of not accounting and documenting a domestic dispute, it documents that police do not care to actually do their jobs
- This book is incredibly useless to anyone who is not an upper class cis man as everyone else knows how to monitor their tone, not escalate a situation, and deliver information in a way that’s not going to cause confrontation, aka potential harm to them. This wreaks of privilege because these are defense mechanisms that frequently have to be utilized by oppressed and marginalized groups. This also wreaks of someone who has never worked in the service industry or retail.
- 75% of the way into the book, Thompson complains that retail workers don’t provide personal service to each individual customer. While there are many things wrong with this sentiment, this further proves my point that Thompson has never worked in the service industry or retail. Additionally this specific part of the book was fairly irrelevant and felt like a tirade against the minimum wage worker rather than a persuasion technique.
I’ve been pretty harsh but let me highlight the one good thing about this book. This is the BEST showcase of how admittedly useless police are in situations which require compassion. Thompson evokes verbal judo as a form of trained empathy, yet this empathy is nothing more than manipulation. This whole book is a perfect example as to why we should defund the police and fund social programs that can get people who are in mental health crises the help they truly need. I’ve never seen a better manifesto of police incompetency.
Now that we have established that this is a non scientific book by a man masquerading as a scholar, let’s talk about the content of this book. It reads like an as seen on tv commercial for the book you are currently and actively reading. Too many times are the phrases “the fortune of reading this book” or “if you take my course you’ll…” used to not be an advertisement. This is the very least of our worries. Here’s a list of things within the content of this book that made me hate it:
- the basis of this book is that you must eschew all emotion in order to employ logic and persuasion
- The definition of verbal judo as given by Thompson is a description of emotional manipulation
- There is an entire chapter about how Thompson lied to a suicidal person to get him not to commit suicide, yet it somehow was written with an impossible lack of compassion
- The vague mention of “the latest studies” and “studies I’ve worked on,” yet nothing is cited and Thompson does not have any peer reviewed papers cited on google scholar
- There are myriad anecdotal accounts of the author lying in the book. This makes me feel that I can’t trust a word he says. Also see above points about lack of citation and the book reading as an advertisement.
- The fact that Thompson had a completely unreflective experience as a police officer. Even early stories in which he’s “learned” from, the learning that is done is how to manipulate people.
- The overwhelming single view point of a middle aged white man who has felt the tiniest amount of power. This book considers no other context.
- The very first anecdote is one about domestic violence, yet Thompson admits that his advising officer actively tried to avoid filling out paperwork or protect either party in the domestic dispute under the guise of “verbal judo strategy.” This is not only irresponsible in terms of not accounting and documenting a domestic dispute, it documents that police do not care to actually do their jobs
- This book is incredibly useless to anyone who is not an upper class cis man as everyone else knows how to monitor their tone, not escalate a situation, and deliver information in a way that’s not going to cause confrontation, aka potential harm to them. This wreaks of privilege because these are defense mechanisms that frequently have to be utilized by oppressed and marginalized groups. This also wreaks of someone who has never worked in the service industry or retail.
- 75% of the way into the book, Thompson complains that retail workers don’t provide personal service to each individual customer. While there are many things wrong with this sentiment, this further proves my point that Thompson has never worked in the service industry or retail. Additionally this specific part of the book was fairly irrelevant and felt like a tirade against the minimum wage worker rather than a persuasion technique.
I’ve been pretty harsh but let me highlight the one good thing about this book. This is the BEST showcase of how admittedly useless police are in situations which require compassion. Thompson evokes verbal judo as a form of trained empathy, yet this empathy is nothing more than manipulation. This whole book is a perfect example as to why we should defund the police and fund social programs that can get people who are in mental health crises the help they truly need. I’ve never seen a better manifesto of police incompetency.
March 10, 2021
3.5 stars
August 29, 2017
The late George J. Thompson (died 2011) trained in judo and aikido before becoming a police officer in his early 30s. In that career he noticed that some of the police he worked with seemed to have a natural talent for defusing conflicts and calming people under stress. It was something that didn't come naturally to him, so he began to analyze what those good communicators were doing and started seeing a similarity to between their verbal styles and Judo ("the gentle way") and Aikido ("unifying spirit way"). From that he developed five universal truths:
1. All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. All people want to be asked rather than being told to do something.
3. All people want to know why they are being asked to do something.
4. All people want to be given options rather than threats.
5. All people want a second chance when they make a mistake.
Thompson took his verbal judo classes around the country to various police forces for training. He notes that he was scheduled to train police in Los Angeles the week after the Rodney King beating, and wonders whether that situation would have been handled differently.
In this book Thompson expands on the ideas for other areas of people's lives. He has chapters on parenting, managing, marriage, and other areas in which you need to make your feelings known, have priorities, and want to communicate with others without escalating conflict. This isn't manipulation. Rather it involves empathy. It's trying to understand what others are trying to communicate, making sure you understand, and then speaking back to those people in a way that honors their needs.
Thompson uses interactions with his own son and wife. He also offers plenty of examples of using it in life-or-death situation while he was a policeman to show that if the techniques will work there that they can work in areas where there's less at stake.
It's written in a conversational style, with real world examples and tips for controlling your own emotions when you feel verbally attacked. With or without the book, the "five universal truths" should be on every office wall, teacher's desk, and home refrigerator as a regular reminder.
1. All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. All people want to be asked rather than being told to do something.
3. All people want to know why they are being asked to do something.
4. All people want to be given options rather than threats.
5. All people want a second chance when they make a mistake.
Thompson took his verbal judo classes around the country to various police forces for training. He notes that he was scheduled to train police in Los Angeles the week after the Rodney King beating, and wonders whether that situation would have been handled differently.
In this book Thompson expands on the ideas for other areas of people's lives. He has chapters on parenting, managing, marriage, and other areas in which you need to make your feelings known, have priorities, and want to communicate with others without escalating conflict. This isn't manipulation. Rather it involves empathy. It's trying to understand what others are trying to communicate, making sure you understand, and then speaking back to those people in a way that honors their needs.
Thompson uses interactions with his own son and wife. He also offers plenty of examples of using it in life-or-death situation while he was a policeman to show that if the techniques will work there that they can work in areas where there's less at stake.
It's written in a conversational style, with real world examples and tips for controlling your own emotions when you feel verbally attacked. With or without the book, the "five universal truths" should be on every office wall, teacher's desk, and home refrigerator as a regular reminder.
August 22, 2010
Kind of a repetitive book, but definitely helpful in laying out strategies for dealing with difficult people -- I wish I'd read it earlier; it's already been useful in dealing with difficult library patrons.
November 8, 2017
No matter how many books I read on the subject they never cease to amaze me. People are complicated, you and I are complicated too. Our instincts are primitive and we should not resort to them when crafting our responses.
The book is short but dense. Took me awhile, I had to take breaks after each chapter.
The book is short but dense. Took me awhile, I had to take breaks after each chapter.
January 20, 2024
(Audio). This book is well-written and well-read. Dr. Thompson guides the reader through so many different types of situations, both personal and professional. He is a former cop and now trains police in de-escalation techniques. I’ll admit that in the past the idea seemed a bit far-fetched to me, but the author convinced me. I can now understand how the right words at the right time can actually be disarming.
This book was a quick, impressive, and enjoyable read. I recommend it.
This book was a quick, impressive, and enjoyable read. I recommend it.
July 29, 2022
If you’re a cop please don’t read this book. We don’t need more people like this in your position.
Overall this book was MISERABLE to read. I was drawn in by the promise of ways to exhibit empathy in commonplace conversation and the book providing tools to stay focussed on the outcome in tense situations. Instead I got 196 pages of a hot-headed emotionally-ignorant white American cop bolstering about himself and 11 pages (I flagged them) of actual, practical, well worded content.
He preaches about tone and how your words appear to your audience yet his tone this entire book is that of an over opinionated and unyielding father figure? Fuck off man.
Aside from the book being mostly bragging, it’s just. Bad. Who edited this? Who let this through to publishing? While it looks like it’s well organized with a good use of subheadings and acronyms the actual content underneath them is literally just anecdotes (many times very, very, loosely related) and references to samurai principles. There are also several occasions where he directly contradicts himself in the same chapter?
This book could have been like 80 pages. If you took out his bolstering, intense pandering to police officers (that one can slide, I understand why - I am just not a cop so it was annoying) and condensed the repeating points (which is almost all of them. Three of the acronyms, that are an entire chapter, are almost identical. It’s very much giving “you can copy but change it up a bit”. It’s like he had one good idea and went “wow! Me smart man! How many similes can I use to make this idea a book?”) you would be left with a very thin, very quick, and probably enjoyable and educational read.
It also has a very heavy “old white cop” tone in terms of social awareness. There are several very ableist takes, inappropriate opinions on Rodney King, really brutal anecdotes that are 1. Useless and 2. Just upsetting without warning (the bathtub, domestic violence on several occasions, and the break and enter Rword examples), and an overall disregard for the people in his stories as actual people. All he sees is the outcome of looking like he’s done a good job because he deescalates. He talks about words to *manipulate* (and I’m going to stress that because this book should be called Verbal Judo: Manipulation Tactics I Learned as an American Police Officer) people into feeling heard and taken care of while expressing how much he doesn’t really care.
All in all. If these are his genuine thoughts, I think this man is a bad person and shouldn’t be writing books on how to interact with people. If I saw him on the street or I recognized the use of these tactics to his standard, I would run for the goddamn hills.
Not only do I recommend you not read this book, I recommend you burn it if you find it.
Overall this book was MISERABLE to read. I was drawn in by the promise of ways to exhibit empathy in commonplace conversation and the book providing tools to stay focussed on the outcome in tense situations. Instead I got 196 pages of a hot-headed emotionally-ignorant white American cop bolstering about himself and 11 pages (I flagged them) of actual, practical, well worded content.
He preaches about tone and how your words appear to your audience yet his tone this entire book is that of an over opinionated and unyielding father figure? Fuck off man.
Aside from the book being mostly bragging, it’s just. Bad. Who edited this? Who let this through to publishing? While it looks like it’s well organized with a good use of subheadings and acronyms the actual content underneath them is literally just anecdotes (many times very, very, loosely related) and references to samurai principles. There are also several occasions where he directly contradicts himself in the same chapter?
This book could have been like 80 pages. If you took out his bolstering, intense pandering to police officers (that one can slide, I understand why - I am just not a cop so it was annoying) and condensed the repeating points (which is almost all of them. Three of the acronyms, that are an entire chapter, are almost identical. It’s very much giving “you can copy but change it up a bit”. It’s like he had one good idea and went “wow! Me smart man! How many similes can I use to make this idea a book?”) you would be left with a very thin, very quick, and probably enjoyable and educational read.
It also has a very heavy “old white cop” tone in terms of social awareness. There are several very ableist takes, inappropriate opinions on Rodney King, really brutal anecdotes that are 1. Useless and 2. Just upsetting without warning (the bathtub, domestic violence on several occasions, and the break and enter Rword examples), and an overall disregard for the people in his stories as actual people. All he sees is the outcome of looking like he’s done a good job because he deescalates. He talks about words to *manipulate* (and I’m going to stress that because this book should be called Verbal Judo: Manipulation Tactics I Learned as an American Police Officer) people into feeling heard and taken care of while expressing how much he doesn’t really care.
All in all. If these are his genuine thoughts, I think this man is a bad person and shouldn’t be writing books on how to interact with people. If I saw him on the street or I recognized the use of these tactics to his standard, I would run for the goddamn hills.
Not only do I recommend you not read this book, I recommend you burn it if you find it.
January 23, 2019
A great book that teaches how to persuade others to comply with a desirable behavior that diffuses crises. Thinking before one speaks and using restraint to control emotional reactions is also essential. The author, George J. Thompson, uses his personal experiences working in law enforcement to perfect his rationale to be a successful interventionist. The book is full of scenarios which, he admits, he cannot always recall, at the spur of the moment, the proper techniques necessary to handle every situation. Thompson recommends the book be a reference source, once read, that requires review from time to time.
March 13, 2012
Very interesting self-help/personal growth book. Difficult to put into practice without some persistence and re-reading. A few good quotes.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins is an outstanding little book that everyone should read. Why do I say everyone? Because everyone communicates with others, and this book will help you become a more effective communicator. It really is that good. The advice is simple, but profound and will enable the person who puts it to practice to listen better and be heard, learn what not to say, engage people through empathy, stop verbal attacks in their tracks, and much more. In fact, there is more practical advice in this one book than in some of my communication classes in college that I paid much more for.
The book is 222 pages long, and is divided into 27 short chapters. Its size is due to the fact that Thompson does not spend any time theorizing or describing complicated communication models, but rather provides simple direct methods for communicating with people, with concrete examples that can be adapted and used by anyone. The lessons in this book have been honed on the streets by police officers, which Thompson is one, as they deal with some of the most unruly public. Thompson believes if the officers involved with the Rodney King incident had taken his course before that unfortunate event, things would have gone much differently. I believe he’s right. (The officers were actually scheduled to take Thompson’s Verbal Judo class shortly after the incident, if only it had been scheduled earlier.)
In a nutshell, Thompson teaches you to treat people with dignity and respect. He teaches how to develop and maintain relationships rather than break them down and destroy them. The book shows you how to communicate with other effectively. This not only helps reduce conflict, but allows you to be influential with others, gain more from people, have better relationships, and generally be happier with all of your interactions with others.
I read this book a long time ago, and just recently read it again for a refresher. I’ll admit, sometimes I fall short of practicing what Thompson teaches, and it does make me feel a bit better to know that Thompson says he’s fallen short many times too. I do, however, try to use these techniques and strategies in my dealings with people, and this book has influenced my mediation style as well as the teaching and training I do on mediation and effective communication.
This book will help you, regardless your occupation, sex, age, or whatever. If you communicate with others, read this book to do it better.
Alain Burrese, Apr. 3, 2011
http://burrese.com/review-communicati...
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins is an outstanding little book that everyone should read. Why do I say everyone? Because everyone communicates with others, and this book will help you become a more effective communicator. It really is that good. The advice is simple, but profound and will enable the person who puts it to practice to listen better and be heard, learn what not to say, engage people through empathy, stop verbal attacks in their tracks, and much more. In fact, there is more practical advice in this one book than in some of my communication classes in college that I paid much more for.
The book is 222 pages long, and is divided into 27 short chapters. Its size is due to the fact that Thompson does not spend any time theorizing or describing complicated communication models, but rather provides simple direct methods for communicating with people, with concrete examples that can be adapted and used by anyone. The lessons in this book have been honed on the streets by police officers, which Thompson is one, as they deal with some of the most unruly public. Thompson believes if the officers involved with the Rodney King incident had taken his course before that unfortunate event, things would have gone much differently. I believe he’s right. (The officers were actually scheduled to take Thompson’s Verbal Judo class shortly after the incident, if only it had been scheduled earlier.)
In a nutshell, Thompson teaches you to treat people with dignity and respect. He teaches how to develop and maintain relationships rather than break them down and destroy them. The book shows you how to communicate with other effectively. This not only helps reduce conflict, but allows you to be influential with others, gain more from people, have better relationships, and generally be happier with all of your interactions with others.
I read this book a long time ago, and just recently read it again for a refresher. I’ll admit, sometimes I fall short of practicing what Thompson teaches, and it does make me feel a bit better to know that Thompson says he’s fallen short many times too. I do, however, try to use these techniques and strategies in my dealings with people, and this book has influenced my mediation style as well as the teaching and training I do on mediation and effective communication.
This book will help you, regardless your occupation, sex, age, or whatever. If you communicate with others, read this book to do it better.
Alain Burrese, Apr. 3, 2011
http://burrese.com/review-communicati...
February 22, 2023
“I enjoyed the rare privilege of learning Indian ways.”(page 13) This was from the updated version. I wish they would update the updated version and change this. After reading this sentence I sat there for the longest time and thought about this one word and how Thompson is talking about the importance of how we communicate. Much of his communication throughout the book was off-putting to me. When he talked about empathy being the number one key to all communication I immediately connected that with Ryan Dowd’s message: “Empathy is key.”
However, throughout much of the book, I strained to feel any empathy for Thompson. When he told me: “I’m a middle-aged jock with a chip on his shoulder who could just as easily scream in your face and wrestle you to the floor as smile and calm the situation with a well-chosen word. Don’t I sound like an English Ph.D.? I’m just like you. If I get cut off in traffic, my first impulse is revenge." (page 10)
Um, no, this is NOT just like me. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I might feel vexed or I might easily let it go. What I do NOT feel is the need for revenge. What in the world? Throughout the book, Thompson tells the reader repeatedly “just keep reading and you will find out why verbal judo is so important.” It felt like a sales pitch. I didn’t like that. If you are going to have empathy with your reader, don’t bash them over the head with a sales pitch. Also, don’t brag about yourself or talk about how you lied to a person who was about to commit suicide (yikes).
There were good tips in the book if you are willing to keep on reading, put up with the bragging and machismo (is this something he put on for his target audiences, I wonder?), and wade through all the stories to get to the parts that are truly helpful. Basically, it is common sense mixed with respect; treat people the way you would want to be treated. You would want a second chance to give others a second chance. Tell others why you are doing something. Respect others. Ask people kindly. Give people choices. These are all compassionate, basic ways of treating each other that sometimes fly out the window when we are in a stressful situation.
I appreciate the basics of this book and not all the acronyms and the 14-steps for success. There are better ways out there for communicating and treating others with respect and empathy.
However, throughout much of the book, I strained to feel any empathy for Thompson. When he told me: “I’m a middle-aged jock with a chip on his shoulder who could just as easily scream in your face and wrestle you to the floor as smile and calm the situation with a well-chosen word. Don’t I sound like an English Ph.D.? I’m just like you. If I get cut off in traffic, my first impulse is revenge." (page 10)
Um, no, this is NOT just like me. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I might feel vexed or I might easily let it go. What I do NOT feel is the need for revenge. What in the world? Throughout the book, Thompson tells the reader repeatedly “just keep reading and you will find out why verbal judo is so important.” It felt like a sales pitch. I didn’t like that. If you are going to have empathy with your reader, don’t bash them over the head with a sales pitch. Also, don’t brag about yourself or talk about how you lied to a person who was about to commit suicide (yikes).
There were good tips in the book if you are willing to keep on reading, put up with the bragging and machismo (is this something he put on for his target audiences, I wonder?), and wade through all the stories to get to the parts that are truly helpful. Basically, it is common sense mixed with respect; treat people the way you would want to be treated. You would want a second chance to give others a second chance. Tell others why you are doing something. Respect others. Ask people kindly. Give people choices. These are all compassionate, basic ways of treating each other that sometimes fly out the window when we are in a stressful situation.
I appreciate the basics of this book and not all the acronyms and the 14-steps for success. There are better ways out there for communicating and treating others with respect and empathy.
November 18, 2022
Reading this book was like entering into some kind of time capsule. I just kept thinking "Does this book pre-date Non-Violent Communication or just completely ignore it?"
Police officers have a role that requires customer service where "fake it til you make it" is critical in resolving complaints and other emergencies with people who are expecting a level of satisfaction. I get it - learning to demonstrate empathy is important.
Some of the more important points in the book include:
- Don't react, learn to respond -- don't just say the first thing that comes to mind.
- Try to ask questions and get more information to figure out what is important to the other person.
- People like to be asked, not told -- he discusses "voluntary compliance" a lot but I think that applies to many situations, including project management.
- People "like to know" - explaining the policies, the outcomes and options gives them the opportunity to participate in deciding to do what you would rather they do anyway
Overall - the book is way too long. There's like a hundred pages of talking about why the book and the methodology is important. There are some very cringe-worthy examples of crisis intervention and negotiation (some of which are kind of funny but I certainly hope they aren't true)
I can't recommend this book to anyone as a communication tool. If you want to review it as a time capsule or example of toxic masculinity. Lying to people as a way of making them think the option you want is the right one is just wrong on so many levels.
Bonus: the audio book narrator has a crazy gravelly voice and east coast accent, he sounds like Columbo.
Police officers have a role that requires customer service where "fake it til you make it" is critical in resolving complaints and other emergencies with people who are expecting a level of satisfaction. I get it - learning to demonstrate empathy is important.
Some of the more important points in the book include:
- Don't react, learn to respond -- don't just say the first thing that comes to mind.
- Try to ask questions and get more information to figure out what is important to the other person.
- People like to be asked, not told -- he discusses "voluntary compliance" a lot but I think that applies to many situations, including project management.
- People "like to know" - explaining the policies, the outcomes and options gives them the opportunity to participate in deciding to do what you would rather they do anyway
Overall - the book is way too long. There's like a hundred pages of talking about why the book and the methodology is important. There are some very cringe-worthy examples of crisis intervention and negotiation (some of which are kind of funny but I certainly hope they aren't true)
I can't recommend this book to anyone as a communication tool. If you want to review it as a time capsule or example of toxic masculinity. Lying to people as a way of making them think the option you want is the right one is just wrong on so many levels.
Bonus: the audio book narrator has a crazy gravelly voice and east coast accent, he sounds like Columbo.
August 9, 2017
Well, this was an experience.
I grabbed this book off the Audible sale a few days ago. Right off the bat, I want to say that there were some excellent suggestions and tips. I'm glad I read this book.
However...
This dude is basically an 80s movie cop that frequently quotes the Samurai 'masters' while being an expert in communications in the fields of law enforcement, teaching, parenting, sales, and a host of other things. Also, he saved several people life with his words. Seriously. You can look it up...Wait, don't do that!
Like I said, some good stuff, but there is a lot of BS and repetition and redundancy and saying the same thing.
I grabbed this book off the Audible sale a few days ago. Right off the bat, I want to say that there were some excellent suggestions and tips. I'm glad I read this book.
However...
This dude is basically an 80s movie cop that frequently quotes the Samurai 'masters' while being an expert in communications in the fields of law enforcement, teaching, parenting, sales, and a host of other things. Also, he saved several people life with his words. Seriously. You can look it up...Wait, don't do that!
Like I said, some good stuff, but there is a lot of BS and repetition and redundancy and saying the same thing.
January 10, 2012
Another recommendation from a fellow scholar of violence and, more importantly, avoiding violence.
January 15, 2021
George J. Thompson presents on the effectiveness of persuasion in conflict. He draws from his career as a police officer with several instances of high-pressure conflict from difficult arrests to defusing volatiles situations to hostage negotiations. It's worth noting he covers a few of his notable mistakes along the way and what he learned from them.
While I hope to never have to talk my way through any situations as tense as those, the principles of Verbal Judo transfer to anyone who ever has difficult encounters with other people. Thompson's techniques involve meeting conflict with diplomacy and using a conversation to obtain voluntary compliance without use of threats or ultimatums. And who doesn't want to find the everybody wins in any given situation?
He gives a lot of steps, and I honestly won't remember a checklist of Verbal Judo techniques the next time I have a difficult encounter with someone from whom I need compliance. Still, the major concepts are not difficult to grasp, and having a mental roadmap from disagreement to agreement is invaluable.
A short read with practical tips.
While I hope to never have to talk my way through any situations as tense as those, the principles of Verbal Judo transfer to anyone who ever has difficult encounters with other people. Thompson's techniques involve meeting conflict with diplomacy and using a conversation to obtain voluntary compliance without use of threats or ultimatums. And who doesn't want to find the everybody wins in any given situation?
He gives a lot of steps, and I honestly won't remember a checklist of Verbal Judo techniques the next time I have a difficult encounter with someone from whom I need compliance. Still, the major concepts are not difficult to grasp, and having a mental roadmap from disagreement to agreement is invaluable.
A short read with practical tips.
February 27, 2024
Although it was clearly aimed at cops, this was a surprisingly helpful book. Any emphasis on deescalating a situation, on finding common ground, or on helping others get through stuff is good! I have seen people's tempers destroy relationships, and I hate it.
This isn't a Christian book, but there are tips I found that can help me in my counseling—particularly marriage counseling.
Not really a favorite of mine, but a solid 4-star recommended book if you are looking for ways to help influence people.
This isn't a Christian book, but there are tips I found that can help me in my counseling—particularly marriage counseling.
Not really a favorite of mine, but a solid 4-star recommended book if you are looking for ways to help influence people.
February 1, 2018
Yadda yadda yaddah....
January 25, 2025
This book does a great job teaching about the power of communication and how, when used effectively, it can save you from a lot of unnecessary stress. It mainly gave a lot of information on conflict management but you can take away messages for what feels necessary in your life and personal development! I liked it a lot and was glad to hear all the examples given since they help me realize a situation when the advice given could be useful.
October 6, 2025
An incredible view on human psychology and fundamental truths of conversation and relationships. This book may very well influence my professional and social life in a fundamental way from now on for the better.
June 3, 2024
Why didn't I write this book? Everything in it is everything I use on a daily basis when dealing with people. If I had written it, I could've gotten rich teaching people how to do it. Oh well. This is one of those books, like Made to Stick, that everyone who deals with people (i.e. everyone in the world) should read. Learning how to defuse an upset person while minimizing risk to yourself, both physical and emotional, is such an important life skill. This guy was uniquely qualified to write this book since he's both a cop and a holder of a PhD in English. He must've been a really cool dude.
January 1, 2021
I’m the deer in headlights when I find myself in the midst of conflict. Then, I spend forever after thinking about what I SHOULD have said, and rehearsing what I WILL say should something similar happen again. So, I was hoping for… well, something different than what this book delivered.
This was a rather frustrating read. Frankly, I do NOT like Thompson. This book is more about him than anything; very full of bravado.
Thompson is a former cop, so everything he writes is presented through that lens. He talks about getting your “opponent” “back in line”, about “power” and “control”, about portraying empathy regardless of how you feel. He repeats that “verbal judo” is about the art of gentle persuasion, but I would argue that his version is closer to manipulation. A fine line, perhaps, but closer to the latter than the former.
If the intention is to get people to do as YOU want, to get “compliance”, to assert “control”, then your intentions are not exactly about communication or resolution. Every example he presents is in the form of a hierarchical scenario. Cop vs civilian, boss vs employee, employee vs customer, parent vs child. Then, he often says these examples & tools are not appropriate for colleagues or equals. Unfortunately, none of this was noted in the book description or on the cover.
He referenced at least two pieces of inaccurate information. The percentage break down of human communication. (Words, body language, etc.) And he attributed the golden rule to the Bible, which is untrue despite commonly being repeated. Minor in the grand scheme, but…
There were some good points in there, but nothing really new (to me, anyway).
This book just left a really bad taste in my mouth, and I’m glad to be done with it.
This was a rather frustrating read. Frankly, I do NOT like Thompson. This book is more about him than anything; very full of bravado.
Thompson is a former cop, so everything he writes is presented through that lens. He talks about getting your “opponent” “back in line”, about “power” and “control”, about portraying empathy regardless of how you feel. He repeats that “verbal judo” is about the art of gentle persuasion, but I would argue that his version is closer to manipulation. A fine line, perhaps, but closer to the latter than the former.
If the intention is to get people to do as YOU want, to get “compliance”, to assert “control”, then your intentions are not exactly about communication or resolution. Every example he presents is in the form of a hierarchical scenario. Cop vs civilian, boss vs employee, employee vs customer, parent vs child. Then, he often says these examples & tools are not appropriate for colleagues or equals. Unfortunately, none of this was noted in the book description or on the cover.
He referenced at least two pieces of inaccurate information. The percentage break down of human communication. (Words, body language, etc.) And he attributed the golden rule to the Bible, which is untrue despite commonly being repeated. Minor in the grand scheme, but…
There were some good points in there, but nothing really new (to me, anyway).
This book just left a really bad taste in my mouth, and I’m glad to be done with it.
November 18, 2020
I picked up this book because I have always felt my communication skills to be somewhat lacking. I know how to communicate via writing, but when it comes to verbalizing what I want to say I’m not sure that I ever come across the way I want to, which can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and even anger on the part of those I’m speaking with. I genuinely thought this book might help me focus a bit more on how to make my thoughts known but I found it to be sorely lacking. It’s honestly nothing more than a bunch of truisms couched in pseudo-psychology from an former college professor who became a cop, and then became a motivational speaker. I already know the importance of empathy, but somehow I don’t think it comes across as empathic when you use a form of deception (saying “I ‘preciate that.” when dealing with someone who you don’t respect but want to get to listen to you; “REspecting” everyone, but only genuinely respecting those whom you think deserve it) to get people to “cooperate” with you. There’s a vast difference between empathy and manipulation. I can’t give the book one star because it did have some useful information, but I can’t recommend it to anyone. I genuinely want to communicate with people, and to truly try to see things from their point of view. This book doesn’t really cogently explain how to do that, no matter how much hype it may have once received. A major disappointment.
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