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And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment
The ultimate how-to handbook, written especially for women, is power-packed with hope and help for creating a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship in marriage. As three books in one, this marriage book, sex book, and parenting book uses a fresh and frank approach and shines light and truth on the sanctity of the marital sexual relationship. It provides comprehensive solutions for creating complete ONEness by improving emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy in marriage.
373 pages, Paperback
First published April 28, 2004
202 people are currently reading
1452 people want to read
About the author
Laura M. Brotherson
8 books10 followersMarriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, MS, MFT, CFLE is the founder of StrengtheningMarriage.com and author of the bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital ONEness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed — Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura is also the host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” and creator of YouTube “Marriage Messages.”
Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, Marriage and Family Therapist, sex therapist, show host, blogger and podcaster. She writes for multiple online magazines, publishes an electronic newsletter entitled “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage,” and a marriage blog, and speaks in various venues from couples’ cruises and conferences to television and radio shows.
Laura (StrengtheningMarriage.com) is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages… intimately! Laura sees herself filling the need for a “family-values Dr. Ruth.”
Laura and her husband are the parents of three children, and have been married over 20 years. You can learn more by visiting StrengtheningMarriage.com.
Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, Marriage and Family Therapist, sex therapist, show host, blogger and podcaster. She writes for multiple online magazines, publishes an electronic newsletter entitled “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage,” and a marriage blog, and speaks in various venues from couples’ cruises and conferences to television and radio shows.
Laura (StrengtheningMarriage.com) is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages… intimately! Laura sees herself filling the need for a “family-values Dr. Ruth.”
Laura and her husband are the parents of three children, and have been married over 20 years. You can learn more by visiting StrengtheningMarriage.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 240 reviews
October 10, 2010
I hope I'm not embarrassing anyone here, but this book is just too darn good to not post.
A few months ago after I was newly called as the Enrichment Leader in my ward, we had a marriage enrichment and somehow in the process of planning it, this book was recommended to me through a few different people. Me being the Marriage, Family Therapist wanna-be I am (and one day hopefully will be), I thought I just had to see what this book was about. I've always been dissatisfied with most of the intimacy books recommended by LDS people. The Act of Marriage is so nostalgic and so obviously written by a pastor, that I just couldn't get through it. (It's just downright weird because here's the whole book about sex and like hardly ever says the word.) The other LDS favorite is Between Husband and Wife which honestly is a good book, but just really superficial. One of the author's Brother Brinley wanted it to be much more comprehensive, but because it's published by Deseret Book, they axed a bunch of stuff. I think it's a great marriage prep/honeymoon book, but not that helpful in an actual marriage.
However, this book I'm recommending to anyone and everyone. It's written by a woman, which is outstanding in the first place because the others are by men, who writes that after 10 years of marriage she was fed up with how little fulfillment she was getting out of intimacy with her husband who she loved. Having studied marriage in school, she tried to find some into, but there wasn't any really out there. She eventually found what she need and then taught a few classes on the topic and realized with a common issue it is, especially with LDS women. So she wrote this book.
This book is great because, like it says on the back, it is three books in one. First of all, it's a marriage book discussing all aspects of a relationship as true intimacy is emotional and spiritual as much as it is physical.
Next it's a sex book and a very good one at that. It's very clean in that it doesn't suggest anything morally wrong, but is very comprehensive. She discuss a couple of different things than other books that I thought were great. The first is what she calls the "Good Girl Syndrome" where since LDS women have been taught to be modest and virtuous in some respects it's hard to get over that in marriage causing sexual dysfunction. The other is she reorganized the sexual response cycle from traditionally it's taught to how females generally experience it which I thought was right on the money.
Lastly it's a parenting book. It discusses in depth about how to teach young women, either those you work with or your own children, how to respect themselves and sex, but not give a them a negative connotation of it.
Anyway, this book is excellent and I recommend it to anyone. I'm still reading it, but when I'm done, if you'd like to borrow it, you're welcome to.
A few months ago after I was newly called as the Enrichment Leader in my ward, we had a marriage enrichment and somehow in the process of planning it, this book was recommended to me through a few different people. Me being the Marriage, Family Therapist wanna-be I am (and one day hopefully will be), I thought I just had to see what this book was about. I've always been dissatisfied with most of the intimacy books recommended by LDS people. The Act of Marriage is so nostalgic and so obviously written by a pastor, that I just couldn't get through it. (It's just downright weird because here's the whole book about sex and like hardly ever says the word.) The other LDS favorite is Between Husband and Wife which honestly is a good book, but just really superficial. One of the author's Brother Brinley wanted it to be much more comprehensive, but because it's published by Deseret Book, they axed a bunch of stuff. I think it's a great marriage prep/honeymoon book, but not that helpful in an actual marriage.
However, this book I'm recommending to anyone and everyone. It's written by a woman, which is outstanding in the first place because the others are by men, who writes that after 10 years of marriage she was fed up with how little fulfillment she was getting out of intimacy with her husband who she loved. Having studied marriage in school, she tried to find some into, but there wasn't any really out there. She eventually found what she need and then taught a few classes on the topic and realized with a common issue it is, especially with LDS women. So she wrote this book.
This book is great because, like it says on the back, it is three books in one. First of all, it's a marriage book discussing all aspects of a relationship as true intimacy is emotional and spiritual as much as it is physical.
Next it's a sex book and a very good one at that. It's very clean in that it doesn't suggest anything morally wrong, but is very comprehensive. She discuss a couple of different things than other books that I thought were great. The first is what she calls the "Good Girl Syndrome" where since LDS women have been taught to be modest and virtuous in some respects it's hard to get over that in marriage causing sexual dysfunction. The other is she reorganized the sexual response cycle from traditionally it's taught to how females generally experience it which I thought was right on the money.
Lastly it's a parenting book. It discusses in depth about how to teach young women, either those you work with or your own children, how to respect themselves and sex, but not give a them a negative connotation of it.
Anyway, this book is excellent and I recommend it to anyone. I'm still reading it, but when I'm done, if you'd like to borrow it, you're welcome to.
February 28, 2008
"There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintanence of the home that is not [a husband's] equal obligation." ~President Boyd K. Packer
"The wise husband understands that foreplay for his wife begins the moment one session of lovemaking ends and weaves its way through all aspects of their lives."
"If a wife's emotional bank account has been overdrawn for some time, a single deposit is not likely to put her account in the black."
"Show me a woman who feels as if she's doing more than her fair share of house-work or child care and I'll show you a woman who has more than her fair share of "headaches". Nothing turns a woman off quite as effectively as the feeling that she's doing most of the work at home... I can guarantee that you won't find her burning the midnight oil dreaming up ways to please her husband sexually... when a low-desire woman feels burned out, the first thing to go on her to-do list is sex." ~Michele Weiner Davis (Marriage therapist)
"A woman's sexual fulfillment is much more complex than a man's. She requires a man with a skillful touch, lots of time, and a loving attitude." ~Dr. John Gray (author)
"Because your sexual relationship will tend to reflect your emotional relationship, it is important to realize that every meaningful, fully enjoyable sex act really begins with a loving, attentive attitude hours or even days before. Husband, you should be aware that your wife views the sex act as part of her total relationship with you, even though you, like other men, may think of it seperately. When both partners assume the responsibility for giving up their total selves - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - sexual interaction becomes a dynamic way of fully expressing love for each other. It is your daily behavior toward each other that will measure the extent and depth of the pleasure you find in making love sexually." ~Dr. Gaye Wheat
"Men and women compliment each other not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually... men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, and marriage is a synergistic relationship in which spiritual growth is enhanced because of the differences." ~Elder Merrill J. Bateman
"For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology. There is nothing physically that builds up and pushes her to have intercourse. Her desire is emotionally based. If she feels loved and admired and appreciated by her husband, then she has a desire to be physically intimate with him. But without the emotional closeness she may have little physical desire." ~Dr. Gary Chapman (minister)
"When her emotional needs are met... her sexual needs become more important. By receiving the caring, nurturing, and sensuous support her female side craves, she begins to consciously feel her sexual yearnings. It is as though she doesn't even know she wants this stimulation until she gets it." ~Dr. John Gray (author of 'Men Are From Mars')
"The more a man in his daily life is disconnected from his feelings, the more he will crave sexual stimulation and release. The intense pleasure of release at every stage of the sexual unfolding allows him to connect momentarily with his feelings and open his heart... although he may not be aware of it, his persistent sexual longing is really his soul seeking wholeness." ~Dr. John Gray
"For thousands of years, men adapted to their primary job as protector and provider by shutting down their sensitivities, emotions, and feelings. Getting the job done was more important than taking the time to explore feelings... for many men, other than hitting their finger with a hammer or watching a football game, sex is one of the only ways they can feel!... When a man is aroused, he rediscovers the love hidden in his heart. Through sex, a man can feel, and through feelings, he can come back to his soul again... a woman's sexual responsiveness is the most powerful way he can hear that he is loved." ~Dr. John Gray
"The basic program of the church today is to strengthen the inner self." ~Elder James E. Faust
"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's [souls]." ~Daniel H. Burnham
"One thing he (Solomon) did was talk to her - telling her what he was doing or going to do. He understood her love of poetic language. Talk to your wife as you begin making love to her; caress her with words throughout the entire lovemaking expirience. Of course, you shouldn't say things that will turn her off; rather use the poetic language that will "light her fire" - whatever that means for her. Some women like it more primal and some more aesthetic. Solomon also understood her desire to share not only her body but her emotions. He made love to her with every part of his body, including his vocal cords." ~Joe Beam (author)
"Rarely does one hear a man say, "her voice excites me," wheras it is common to hear a woman exclaim, "his voice turns me on!" That auditory mechanism can be likened to a thermostat on the wall of your home. Entering the house at night, you can turn hwer thermostat up by speaking reassuring, loving, approving, or endearing words. You can likewise turn her thermostat down through disapproval, condemnation, or insults." ~Dr. Tim LaHaye
"Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties." ~President Kimball
"...people can change more easily in an environment of compassion than in one of criticism and condemntaion."
"The Final Judgement is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts - what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effect of our acts and thoughts - what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become." ~Elder Dallin H. Oaks
"What matters in what the giver does is what the receiver feels." ~Henry B Eyring
"On Marriage
You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." ~Kahlil Gibran
"Marriage is a vulnerable venture. It requires faith."
"Marriage is meant to stir our divine potential."
"Faith is not knowing WHAT the future holds but knowing WHO holds the future."
"Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness." ~President Spencer W. Kimball
"The most important meeting of the week is sacrament meeting, and the second most important is date night. I do believe it is very important that you put first on your calendar, after sacrament meeting, time together as husband and wife." ~Elder L. Tom Perry
"Forgiveness is the process of turning our heartache's over to God and letting Him take care of them."
"Remember always that the most important work we will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.
Anyone who has a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is willing to give his all to the kingdom, but in the process of that kind of dedicated service, it is important that we do not ignore what Jesus called "the things of most worth..." God will never ask any man to sacrifice his family in order to carry out his other duties in the kingdom." ~President Harold B. Lee
"Marriage is an eternal partnership where husband and wife are sealed together in the holy temple of God as eternal best friends."
"I don't think marriages break up because of what you do to each other, They break up because of what you must become in order to stay in them." ~Carol Mattham
"It is not necessarily the finances, children, or in-laws that create marital challenges, but how we feel about and react toward them due to our negative core beliefs."
"The greatest thing parents can do for their children is to love their spouse." ~President Howard W. Hunter
"The greater our own personal substance is and the deeper our own mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves are, the greater will be our capacity to nurture and love others, especially our companion." ~Elder Marlin K. Jensen
"The wise husband understands that foreplay for his wife begins the moment one session of lovemaking ends and weaves its way through all aspects of their lives."
"If a wife's emotional bank account has been overdrawn for some time, a single deposit is not likely to put her account in the black."
"Show me a woman who feels as if she's doing more than her fair share of house-work or child care and I'll show you a woman who has more than her fair share of "headaches". Nothing turns a woman off quite as effectively as the feeling that she's doing most of the work at home... I can guarantee that you won't find her burning the midnight oil dreaming up ways to please her husband sexually... when a low-desire woman feels burned out, the first thing to go on her to-do list is sex." ~Michele Weiner Davis (Marriage therapist)
"A woman's sexual fulfillment is much more complex than a man's. She requires a man with a skillful touch, lots of time, and a loving attitude." ~Dr. John Gray (author)
"Because your sexual relationship will tend to reflect your emotional relationship, it is important to realize that every meaningful, fully enjoyable sex act really begins with a loving, attentive attitude hours or even days before. Husband, you should be aware that your wife views the sex act as part of her total relationship with you, even though you, like other men, may think of it seperately. When both partners assume the responsibility for giving up their total selves - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - sexual interaction becomes a dynamic way of fully expressing love for each other. It is your daily behavior toward each other that will measure the extent and depth of the pleasure you find in making love sexually." ~Dr. Gaye Wheat
"Men and women compliment each other not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually... men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, and marriage is a synergistic relationship in which spiritual growth is enhanced because of the differences." ~Elder Merrill J. Bateman
"For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology. There is nothing physically that builds up and pushes her to have intercourse. Her desire is emotionally based. If she feels loved and admired and appreciated by her husband, then she has a desire to be physically intimate with him. But without the emotional closeness she may have little physical desire." ~Dr. Gary Chapman (minister)
"When her emotional needs are met... her sexual needs become more important. By receiving the caring, nurturing, and sensuous support her female side craves, she begins to consciously feel her sexual yearnings. It is as though she doesn't even know she wants this stimulation until she gets it." ~Dr. John Gray (author of 'Men Are From Mars')
"The more a man in his daily life is disconnected from his feelings, the more he will crave sexual stimulation and release. The intense pleasure of release at every stage of the sexual unfolding allows him to connect momentarily with his feelings and open his heart... although he may not be aware of it, his persistent sexual longing is really his soul seeking wholeness." ~Dr. John Gray
"For thousands of years, men adapted to their primary job as protector and provider by shutting down their sensitivities, emotions, and feelings. Getting the job done was more important than taking the time to explore feelings... for many men, other than hitting their finger with a hammer or watching a football game, sex is one of the only ways they can feel!... When a man is aroused, he rediscovers the love hidden in his heart. Through sex, a man can feel, and through feelings, he can come back to his soul again... a woman's sexual responsiveness is the most powerful way he can hear that he is loved." ~Dr. John Gray
"The basic program of the church today is to strengthen the inner self." ~Elder James E. Faust
"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's [souls]." ~Daniel H. Burnham
"One thing he (Solomon) did was talk to her - telling her what he was doing or going to do. He understood her love of poetic language. Talk to your wife as you begin making love to her; caress her with words throughout the entire lovemaking expirience. Of course, you shouldn't say things that will turn her off; rather use the poetic language that will "light her fire" - whatever that means for her. Some women like it more primal and some more aesthetic. Solomon also understood her desire to share not only her body but her emotions. He made love to her with every part of his body, including his vocal cords." ~Joe Beam (author)
"Rarely does one hear a man say, "her voice excites me," wheras it is common to hear a woman exclaim, "his voice turns me on!" That auditory mechanism can be likened to a thermostat on the wall of your home. Entering the house at night, you can turn hwer thermostat up by speaking reassuring, loving, approving, or endearing words. You can likewise turn her thermostat down through disapproval, condemnation, or insults." ~Dr. Tim LaHaye
"Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties." ~President Kimball
"...people can change more easily in an environment of compassion than in one of criticism and condemntaion."
"The Final Judgement is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts - what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effect of our acts and thoughts - what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become." ~Elder Dallin H. Oaks
"What matters in what the giver does is what the receiver feels." ~Henry B Eyring
"On Marriage
You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." ~Kahlil Gibran
"Marriage is a vulnerable venture. It requires faith."
"Marriage is meant to stir our divine potential."
"Faith is not knowing WHAT the future holds but knowing WHO holds the future."
"Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness." ~President Spencer W. Kimball
"The most important meeting of the week is sacrament meeting, and the second most important is date night. I do believe it is very important that you put first on your calendar, after sacrament meeting, time together as husband and wife." ~Elder L. Tom Perry
"Forgiveness is the process of turning our heartache's over to God and letting Him take care of them."
"Remember always that the most important work we will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.
Anyone who has a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is willing to give his all to the kingdom, but in the process of that kind of dedicated service, it is important that we do not ignore what Jesus called "the things of most worth..." God will never ask any man to sacrifice his family in order to carry out his other duties in the kingdom." ~President Harold B. Lee
"Marriage is an eternal partnership where husband and wife are sealed together in the holy temple of God as eternal best friends."
"I don't think marriages break up because of what you do to each other, They break up because of what you must become in order to stay in them." ~Carol Mattham
"It is not necessarily the finances, children, or in-laws that create marital challenges, but how we feel about and react toward them due to our negative core beliefs."
"The greatest thing parents can do for their children is to love their spouse." ~President Howard W. Hunter
"The greater our own personal substance is and the deeper our own mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves are, the greater will be our capacity to nurture and love others, especially our companion." ~Elder Marlin K. Jensen
July 21, 2008
I like this book because it was about how to improve your marriage in all areas, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and it had some good reminders. Like to date, and hold hands, and do nice things for each other. Things we slack on after 8 years of marriage!
The downside was the book was so redundant. It could have been half the size. I actually skipped the last couple of chapters (teaching future generations). Just got "so over it." This book was well worth the time though if you want to strengthen your marriage (and everyone could use a little of that). I think I'll purchase this one to refer back to and to read about how to teach children about sex when we get to that point.
The downside was the book was so redundant. It could have been half the size. I actually skipped the last couple of chapters (teaching future generations). Just got "so over it." This book was well worth the time though if you want to strengthen your marriage (and everyone could use a little of that). I think I'll purchase this one to refer back to and to read about how to teach children about sex when we get to that point.
May 14, 2008
I didn't even read the whole book, but I really disliked it. Maybe it just put me off that the lady (who has no real expertise as far as I'm concerned) suggests that you have a sexual obligation to your spouse (meaning, to keep your spouse sexually fulfilled to keep them chaste). I just don't agree with that, and don't want to read a book by anyone who suggest such non-sense.
March 27, 2009
Praticial from about ch. 10 on.
Author is well-read, informed - but she needed a good editor: her writing is too lengthy. Still recommend it to engaged couples and anyone wanting fulfillment (not just physically) in their most important relationship.
Author is well-read, informed - but she needed a good editor: her writing is too lengthy. Still recommend it to engaged couples and anyone wanting fulfillment (not just physically) in their most important relationship.
March 10, 2008
I was looking for a book they would guide me in being proactive about my children's sex education and a friend recommended this to me. It turns out that there is two chapters on teaching children and the rest is about teaching yourself. It is by an LDS author, but would be fine for anyone, though she does assume in the first chapters that the reader is christian and familiar with scriptures. Much of the book help women to overcome the "good girl syndrome" which is overlooking all the no's we've been taught about sexual relationships before marriage and then all of a sudden being free to say yes and feeling good about ourselves and our spouses doing so. This book has helped me have a more healthy perspective and understanding of what a sexual relationship should be and how imperative good communication is in a relationship. I would recommend this to ANYONE!
May 19, 2010
This book changed my LIFE! Where have you been for 8.5 years! I needed you in August 2001! I will be forever grateful for you and your knowledge and now I will have a fresh new start at my sexual relationship with my husband. I am sure he will be grateful too!
October 5, 2011
I started reading this with someone else's situation in mind, and thinking this might be a good book to refer to her. By just the third chapter I called and told her she just HAD to get this book. What makes this book different is the author is a LDS woman, and she explains that she experienced an aversion to intimacy for the first 10 or so years of her marriage. Then she decides she wants sex to be enjoyable and satisfying and a strength to her marriage. She reads tons of books on the subject, and then this book is mainly a compilation of great quotes from other books. However she adds her perspective (for instance she reorders the steps in the Female Sexual Response - that made a lot of sense). She rallies other women to work at their intimate relationship, and testifies that Heavenly Father wants sexual intimacy to be satisfying, enriching experiences, and will therefore help every woman to get those blessings. There is lots of redundancy on her concept of The Good Girl Syndrome (where virtuous LDS women struggle with the act of sex as dirty, or bad) but maybe someone who has that issue would really need lots of repetition about the sanctity of sex. Anyway, on Goodreads I don't usually take the time to do anything other than rate the stars of a book, but I wrote a whole paragraph here because I think the information was VERY valuable. I can't imagine anyone not learning something new from this book. Several chapters made a great couple read for my husband and I, too.
December 15, 2014
This was not just a great book on marital relationships (and not as suggestive as the title indicates, although it was pretty thorough on that subject), it should be regarded as THE comprehensive manual for LDS newlyweds.
This book treats everything from relationships (and the love languages – prominent as the leading theory in relationship counseling over the last 25 years – are prominent throughout the book) to insights on physical intimacy that would be a benefit to young couples of both sexes.
Much more than a “how-to” manual (or a tame version of a Kama Sutra book), this book is meant – and would be effective – as a manual for couple’s therapy with an eternal perspective, meant to be discussed and reviewed frequently. I recommend it most highly for married LDS (or other Christian) people or those who are soon-to-be married.
This book treats everything from relationships (and the love languages – prominent as the leading theory in relationship counseling over the last 25 years – are prominent throughout the book) to insights on physical intimacy that would be a benefit to young couples of both sexes.
Much more than a “how-to” manual (or a tame version of a Kama Sutra book), this book is meant – and would be effective – as a manual for couple’s therapy with an eternal perspective, meant to be discussed and reviewed frequently. I recommend it most highly for married LDS (or other Christian) people or those who are soon-to-be married.
Read
November 13, 2007So far, I've really been grateful to have found this book! Very clear and straightforward without me feeling like I need to censor anything. It's been nice to feel like I have a place I can go with questions without having to navigate the smut on the Internet. Gets beyond the textbook understanding of human sexual response and has been very enlightening for us with regard to the way women "tick".
I lent my copy to a friend who needed help talking to her son about sex and after I got it back, I read through those chapters. I really liked the author's approach and the way she re-framed a traditionally awkward milestone to one you actually look forward to sharing with your child!
I lent my copy to a friend who needed help talking to her son about sex and after I got it back, I read through those chapters. I really liked the author's approach and the way she re-framed a traditionally awkward milestone to one you actually look forward to sharing with your child!
November 3, 2019
When I first read this book, I thought it was a sexual therapy book. I was wrong. It is much more than that - It is a book about improving the sacred relationship between husband and wife. That relationship is not complete unless there is intimacy in three areas: Mind (thoughts & emotions), Body(physical), and Spirit.
Improving one's marriage is work. "When you marry you enroll yourself in an intensive personal development course. Intimate relationships demand personal growth that is not always easy or comfortable." (Page 256) "In addition to spiritual commitment, our psychological well-being has everything to do with our ability to give and receive love. (Page 265)
I am going through the audio version for the third time, and found I had to refer to the hard copy to make sure that I was getting the important points securely down so that I can be a better husband. Then I bought the kindle version because it just didn't seem right to highlight every other paragraph. But I am doing that anyway. As I write this, I just finished marking a bunch of paragraphs in chapter 13 of our printed copy. I'm trying to not highlight the whole book - really I am trying.
2019-10-27
I had some time and wanted something to listen to while I worked, so I started listening to this book again. (I own a printed edition, an audio edition (read by the author), and a Kindle edition.)
It is quite meaningful to me because I had some significant hang ups going into marriage. That is part of what took us 9 years to have our first child. Laura Brotherson calls it “the good girl syndrome”, but it can affect males also.
Five years into our marriage, I realized that it wouldn’t get better unless I took action, so we went into sexual therapy. That got my anatomy working, but it took decades more to work through emotional baggage, and although I’ve made tremendous progress, it is still ongoing work.
We’ve gone to several different marriage therapists over the years. Most of them were not useful for improving our marriage.
In 2017 I was on a long drive, listening to the Marital Intimacy Show podcast by Laura Brotherson. On it she often said to email her. I heard that suggestion enough that I decided to do it. I had a simple question. But as I wrote my email, I realized that an answer to a simple question wasn’t what I needed. So, I got on her waiting list, and a few months later we were in counseling with her. Starting in 2017 and continuing in 2018. It improved our marriage.
Now I’ve gone through this book 6 times.
Improving one's marriage is work. "When you marry you enroll yourself in an intensive personal development course. Intimate relationships demand personal growth that is not always easy or comfortable." (Page 256) "In addition to spiritual commitment, our psychological well-being has everything to do with our ability to give and receive love. (Page 265)
I am going through the audio version for the third time, and found I had to refer to the hard copy to make sure that I was getting the important points securely down so that I can be a better husband. Then I bought the kindle version because it just didn't seem right to highlight every other paragraph. But I am doing that anyway. As I write this, I just finished marking a bunch of paragraphs in chapter 13 of our printed copy. I'm trying to not highlight the whole book - really I am trying.
2019-10-27
I had some time and wanted something to listen to while I worked, so I started listening to this book again. (I own a printed edition, an audio edition (read by the author), and a Kindle edition.)
It is quite meaningful to me because I had some significant hang ups going into marriage. That is part of what took us 9 years to have our first child. Laura Brotherson calls it “the good girl syndrome”, but it can affect males also.
Five years into our marriage, I realized that it wouldn’t get better unless I took action, so we went into sexual therapy. That got my anatomy working, but it took decades more to work through emotional baggage, and although I’ve made tremendous progress, it is still ongoing work.
We’ve gone to several different marriage therapists over the years. Most of them were not useful for improving our marriage.
In 2017 I was on a long drive, listening to the Marital Intimacy Show podcast by Laura Brotherson. On it she often said to email her. I heard that suggestion enough that I decided to do it. I had a simple question. But as I wrote my email, I realized that an answer to a simple question wasn’t what I needed. So, I got on her waiting list, and a few months later we were in counseling with her. Starting in 2017 and continuing in 2018. It improved our marriage.
Now I’ve gone through this book 6 times.
September 11, 2014
Okay, so I won't be ashamed as I write this review! :) I stumbled upon this book accidentally and started listening to it on Audible. Once I realized what it was about, I thought why not, it would be interesting to hear a Mormon perspective on intimacy in marriage. I think this is a wonderful book for anyone who is engaged to be married or for anyone who already is, no matter what stage of life they are in. I think the author did a great job in weaving a delicate subject around what is important, a home based on and including our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Intimacy is part of that relationship and seeing it as such, was good in understanding how important it is in a relationship. That the physical is only part of the whole picture, so much of the emotional and spiritual contribute to the physical. It is a great book for women, but also for men in understanding how women think and feel. It takes courage to write about something like this and the author did well!
May 19, 2008
How embarrassing that I'm adding a sex book to my goodreads list!!! I guess I'll start by telling you how I came across this book:
A friend of mine told me that she read a great book about strengthening marriage. She told me the title, and I put it on hold at the library somehow missing the Sexual Fulfillment part. When the book came in, I got my e-mail notice telling me so. The library gives us one week to pick up books, and I waited the whole week before I went to get it. To my surprise, there it was on the shelf.... a sex book... with MY NAME ON IT... right next to the books that all of my friends and neighbors had on hold. How embarrassing!
But I decided to read it anyway, and it ended up being very good once I got past the several pages in which the author tries to convince the reader that it's ok to have sex. The book is directed toward people of the LDS faith.
A friend of mine told me that she read a great book about strengthening marriage. She told me the title, and I put it on hold at the library somehow missing the Sexual Fulfillment part. When the book came in, I got my e-mail notice telling me so. The library gives us one week to pick up books, and I waited the whole week before I went to get it. To my surprise, there it was on the shelf.... a sex book... with MY NAME ON IT... right next to the books that all of my friends and neighbors had on hold. How embarrassing!
But I decided to read it anyway, and it ended up being very good once I got past the several pages in which the author tries to convince the reader that it's ok to have sex. The book is directed toward people of the LDS faith.
October 5, 2009
Reading a book with the words "sexual fulfillment" in the title is one thing, admitting it is another... :) I cannot remember who suggested this book to me but I really enjoyed it. I realize that intimacy (not just sex) is part of marriage and comes in many forms. Nurturing this facet of marriage is truly important to both sexes, despite some women's admissions that they do not have as much interest in the "sex" part of it as their husband, it is still a very important part of any marriage relationship and deserves some attention and understanding. Learning to be more nurturing in the area of intimacy in the broader sense gives way to opportunities for better communication and understanding of each other. This comes over time as you get right to the core of your feelings and emotions. This is a great book to read with your husband.
February 3, 2010
Excellent insight and discussion for a healthy and happy marriage. Wonderful thoughts as well for teaching and preparing a child to get married.
November 28, 2016
Too much of a good thing...can be bad.
Unless you are an instructor looking for a textbook for your sex and relationships class, the authors beat the marriage topic like a dead horse. The content is helpful and insightful, especially the informative first few chapters that are actually about the title of the book.
Then the reader is deluged with a ton of unsolicited relationship and spiritual advice (the whole "becoming one includes emotional, religious, etc" idea). I feel like the authors were paid for every page they could write. "Let's throw in another Joe Beam quote" (there's one on every page). "Let's restate everything in the last chapter in a different way this time." "Let's draw this exact same diagram about communication three different ways." "Let's break down every topic we clearly taught in the last chapter into its own chapter." As I said before, textbook.
I may have been more open-minded three years ago when I was first entering the long-term relationship with my now-husband, and I hadn't yet read all the other relationship books that I now have. Great content surrounded by so much fluff that it will miss so much of its intended audience by its daunting size.
Unless you are an instructor looking for a textbook for your sex and relationships class, the authors beat the marriage topic like a dead horse. The content is helpful and insightful, especially the informative first few chapters that are actually about the title of the book.
Then the reader is deluged with a ton of unsolicited relationship and spiritual advice (the whole "becoming one includes emotional, religious, etc" idea). I feel like the authors were paid for every page they could write. "Let's throw in another Joe Beam quote" (there's one on every page). "Let's restate everything in the last chapter in a different way this time." "Let's draw this exact same diagram about communication three different ways." "Let's break down every topic we clearly taught in the last chapter into its own chapter." As I said before, textbook.
I may have been more open-minded three years ago when I was first entering the long-term relationship with my now-husband, and I hadn't yet read all the other relationship books that I now have. Great content surrounded by so much fluff that it will miss so much of its intended audience by its daunting size.
July 3, 2020
My husband and I read this together right before we got married and it has turned out to be a fabulous book that helped us prepare for intimacy in a way nothing else could. It was everything I needed to start changing previous fears and inhibitions I had grown up with about sex (living in a very religious community that did not always portray sexual intimacy as a good thing).
I loved that this prepared us both for the differences of female and male bodies and to become excited about intimacy and oneness with each other. We were prepared and were able to talk openly and freely after marriage about our bodies and preferences, which is what a marriage needs especially for intimacy. We have since referred to the book often and enjoy learning and applying various activities and ideas from the book itself.
I loved that this prepared us both for the differences of female and male bodies and to become excited about intimacy and oneness with each other. We were prepared and were able to talk openly and freely after marriage about our bodies and preferences, which is what a marriage needs especially for intimacy. We have since referred to the book often and enjoy learning and applying various activities and ideas from the book itself.
December 3, 2009
That's strange. I thought I had already put up a review of this book. I read it several years ago. It is a particularly refreshing book about married intimacy. There is a lot of LDS teachings in it, that for me, got tedious, as it wasn't anything ground-breaking. But the portions of the book about the differences between female sexuality and male sexuality are very helpful, and I still remember her discussion about the importance of non-sexual touch. There's even a section at the end about how to talk to your kids about sexuality. I recommend the first edition of the book as the author is more honest. The second edition has been slightly "glossed" to remove some of her personal growth. Often, her personal growth was the most enlightening part of the book.
September 28, 2016
I was expecting this book to be more profound. It was a solid marriage book with some great resources and research. She recycled a lot of advice from other Christian marriage counselors, but at least she cited them. The first couple of chapters were probably the most important as they apply to many LDS women in particular, but could also be for men. I am grateful for my slightly bohemian, definitely European upbringing when it comes to my body and sex, but there were still things I noticed that I had absorbed from the culture around me. There was lots of repetition which got old after a while. She had some good things to say, it just could have been said in less space.
May 7, 2020
For some this an awkward topic to talk about let alone read about but I thought this book was great, recommended by a friend she said she gives it as a wedding gift to every wedding she attends and now I see why. In a world full of misconceptions and tainting the sacred nature of sexual intimacy in marriage she does a great job! I recommend this book to anyone who is married old or young! she did a great job with her research and was thorough in her explanations.
November 20, 2016
It's really 2.5 stars. There was some REALLY good information in here. But I felt like I had to wade through so much religion to get to the good stuff. It could have been shorter and more to the point.
April 5, 2012
I originally bought this book as a gag to show my husband. I figured, "Hey, this is the book everyone talks about when they first get married so let's see what all the fuss is about for 3 bucks".
Well, it's obviously meant for virgins who are scared about their wedding night. Maybe I've just been married for too long for this book to seem useful/meaningful at all because my response to every sentence was to say "meh". I'm sorry, I just don't need a couple hundred quotes from general authorities and scriptures telling me that "sex is wholesome (in marriage)", "God designed our bodies for pleasure (in marriage)", and "how could something be evil/dirty if we must do it to accomplish the greatest gift God gives us (kids)", etc. and etc. By the end of the second chapter I had to stop counting the number of quotes that were provided in the vein of "Sex is wonderful because of its power of creation" (really? So are we even going to tackle the birth control issue then? Is only unprotected sex righteous?).
I think this book was made especially irritating/ridiculous because the author really sucked at writing. Nothing about this book was succinct. Did I mention the overwhelming amounts of quotes/scriptures saying the exact. same. thing. over. and. over?
When I got to the chapter titled "The Symphony of the Female Sexual Response" I just chuckled and decided to set it down for good. Best to leave this book to the women (or men) who are unfamiliar/uninterested/embarrassed by their sexuality and need to pray first to know if it's okay.
Well, it's obviously meant for virgins who are scared about their wedding night. Maybe I've just been married for too long for this book to seem useful/meaningful at all because my response to every sentence was to say "meh". I'm sorry, I just don't need a couple hundred quotes from general authorities and scriptures telling me that "sex is wholesome (in marriage)", "God designed our bodies for pleasure (in marriage)", and "how could something be evil/dirty if we must do it to accomplish the greatest gift God gives us (kids)", etc. and etc. By the end of the second chapter I had to stop counting the number of quotes that were provided in the vein of "Sex is wonderful because of its power of creation" (really? So are we even going to tackle the birth control issue then? Is only unprotected sex righteous?).
I think this book was made especially irritating/ridiculous because the author really sucked at writing. Nothing about this book was succinct. Did I mention the overwhelming amounts of quotes/scriptures saying the exact. same. thing. over. and. over?
When I got to the chapter titled "The Symphony of the Female Sexual Response" I just chuckled and decided to set it down for good. Best to leave this book to the women (or men) who are unfamiliar/uninterested/embarrassed by their sexuality and need to pray first to know if it's okay.
July 15, 2012
My therapist recommended this book to me so I went to the library and skimmed through the chapters. I have an LDS background but I've always viewed sex as a natural thing. This book seems to be directed towards women who do not enjoy sex or who don't have orgasms. I'm pretty content with my husband on a spiritual, emotional and physical level so I do not think this book would be beneficial to me but I think it would benefit those who do have problems in these areas. I think my therapist recommended it to me because I have troubling thoughts at times during sex but all I could find in the book about thoughts was a small paragraph that said to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It's good advice but it's not worth it to me to read the entire book when that's the only problem I have. If you're a woman who doesn't enjoy sex then I would suggest googling how to orgasm and then experiment with your partner. If you are already orgasmic then I would suggest working on being emotionally connected with your partner through communication. If you have a partner that doesn't care about your emotional or sexual well-being then I would suggest finding a new partner. I don't think you need a book to tell you how to have a good relationship, however, there are a lot of good reviews so I guess it's easier said than done in some cases.
A little about me I'm in my 20s, I have been married for 4 years and have no children yet.
A little about me I'm in my 20s, I have been married for 4 years and have no children yet.
July 29, 2022
I am so grateful I found this book. About 6 months ago I was really frustrated with my relationship with my spouse. We weren't on the verge of divorce or anything, but our relationship just wasn't what I felt like it could be. I went online to look for some sort of self help books when I came across this book. I read the other book reviews for the book and I knew it was exactly what I needed.
I read the first few chapters in a day or two. All I could do was cry! I cried for many reasons, peace at knowing someone understood how I felt. I cried for joy to find something to really help me. I cried out of frustration that I hadn't found the book sooner.
It has been 6 months and I just finished the whole book. It has taken me a long time because I have been doing the "homework" assignments at the end of each chapter. I still have a lot of progress to make, but I have made so many improvements I am so happy!
Our relationship is better now than ever! I am so grateful Laura Brotherson took the time to write this book. I highly recommend this book if you would like to improve your sexual relationship. I also would recommend this book if you would like to be able to teach your children how to have a concrete understanding of the law of chastity.
This book has been one of the most influential books I have ever read!
I read the first few chapters in a day or two. All I could do was cry! I cried for many reasons, peace at knowing someone understood how I felt. I cried for joy to find something to really help me. I cried out of frustration that I hadn't found the book sooner.
It has been 6 months and I just finished the whole book. It has taken me a long time because I have been doing the "homework" assignments at the end of each chapter. I still have a lot of progress to make, but I have made so many improvements I am so happy!
Our relationship is better now than ever! I am so grateful Laura Brotherson took the time to write this book. I highly recommend this book if you would like to improve your sexual relationship. I also would recommend this book if you would like to be able to teach your children how to have a concrete understanding of the law of chastity.
This book has been one of the most influential books I have ever read!
September 15, 2008
This book focused a little too much on women for me. Granted, SOME women really need books like this. But I think it's important to not only focus on the needs of women, but also the needs of men. This book focuses on "the good girl syndrome" where LDS girls have a hard time enjoying sex because they've been trained to think it's evil their whole lives. While it's important to grow past those feelings, I wish the book had focused more on other things. There's a lot more to problems in members' sex lives than just the good girl syndrome and issues that the girl feels.
Anyways, good read, for a specific audience. I wouldn't recommend it first to the general public, or to people seeking general LDS literature on intimacy. I'd recommend Between Husband and Wife first, then I'd recommend reading the chapter in And They Were Not Ashamed about the good girl syndrome if they're interested in that because the rest of the book is for the most part reiteration of Between Husband and Wife, only less spiritual, in my opinion.
That may just be my take on it though--you should read it just in case you feel differently.
Anyways, good read, for a specific audience. I wouldn't recommend it first to the general public, or to people seeking general LDS literature on intimacy. I'd recommend Between Husband and Wife first, then I'd recommend reading the chapter in And They Were Not Ashamed about the good girl syndrome if they're interested in that because the rest of the book is for the most part reiteration of Between Husband and Wife, only less spiritual, in my opinion.
That may just be my take on it though--you should read it just in case you feel differently.
November 14, 2008
This was a really excellent book! It deals with all aspects of marriage, particularly LDS or Christian marriage. It's not just about the sexual relationship in marriage, though that is a lot of it. It teaches you to create emotional oneness, and to develop the relationship between husband/wife/God. It also has several chapters on teaching correct sexual information to your children, which was the primary reason I picked it up. The other parts were an added bonus for me. It is pretty long, with A LOT of information - to put it all to use would take years. As I was reading along and the areas to improve/things to work on kept growing I was feeling kind of overwhelmed, but getting to a celestial marriage doesn't happen overnight. Taking one area to work on at a time would be great! If the physical aspect of your marriage is an area you'd like to read more on, I read another great book several years ago (which she often quotes from in this book) called "The Sex-Starved Marriage" by Michele Weiner Davis.
March 2, 2010
So good. I would recommend this to anyone at any stage in their marriage, or to someone who is engaged. This is also really helpful as it will be very soon that I will need to be teaching my own kids about 'the birds and the bees.' This was so much more than just that though. It is geared towards women, and has a very strong religious - predominatley LDS- tone. There was a lot I liked about it. One main theme was the reverence and respect we should view intimacy (on various levels) in our own relationships and how we convey and teach that to our children. I liked the importance on basic physical touch- and how valuable it can be to relationships- marriage and even just how we interact with our children, and how much we all need it. It is long- almost a reference guide, but I still recommend reading all of it. It gets repetitive in parts- especially the theme of the "good girl syndrome" but it is still all very valuable.
December 23, 2016
For what it is attempting to do (get uninformed LDS people more aware of themselves sexually, and convince them of the sacredness of sex and that it is not only "OK" to have sex, but necessary, a commandment, and essential for both members of a marriage) it is good. I read it to prepare to teach my niece about sex in a way she would respond to- she was about to get married and I knew she was way more innocent than I was at that age. It's thorough, and has just the right amount of clarity in terms of physiology. My criticisms are 1) repetitive 2) if you're reading it with very little awareness of how sex works, rather than as a "fix" for a bad sex life, i can see it being a little scary. It addresses major problems that for a newly married person, they may never encounter if they study up in advance. So there were areas I kept from my niece so she wouldn't be worried unnecessarily about all the ways sex can screw up a relationship.
July 1, 2008
I thought this was a really good book. It wasn’t just a sex book but really was more about strengthening your whole marriage relationship and talked about how a lot of times sex problems are stemmed from other intimacy issues, whether they be emotional, spiritual, etc. Most of what I got out of this book was in the sections about “oneness,” and I kept finding myself totally agreeing with what I was reading. The parts about talking to your kids about sex were really good too. So, yeah. I really recommend this book to all married couples. My one problem with it is that the author doesn’t seem to have any credentials other than her own personal experiences, which is fine, but she spends a lot of time quoting other sources which made me think that I should just read those instead. It was also long, and reads a lot like a textbook. But the insights were worth it.
September 23, 2008
I love this book. I think that every man/woman/teacher/spouse/parent (you get the picture) everyone needs to read this book either with your spouse or have them read it after you. This is a wonderful tool to enhance your marriage but also to help teach children about the wonderful, beautiful side of sex that they don't always get to learn about when young. Too often all we tell our kids and the youth is that sex is bad. This book is clear, precise and too the point, yet very respectful and spiritual. This is not a how too book with pictures and instructions. Anyone should feel comfortable reading this book and if you aren't you need to read it so you can learn how to be comfortable!!It is written by a LDS author with scriptural references but it is written to a christian audience, not just LDS.
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