The Morning Wood Tree

by Siggy Shade

Being forced to marry into a sicko cult wasn’t even the weirdest part of my day…

I thought my fiancé was a good guy. Not the greatest in the sack, but decent marriage material.

Too bad it took finding him in a compromising position—with his mother—to figure out how wrong I’d been.

When they told me they’d kill me if I ran away, I believed them. I didn’t, however, believe them when they said the magical Ash tree in the woods would eat me alive.

Wrong again.

Lucky for me, Ash didn’t kill me. Turns out he likes my stories. And my, um, sap. So, I’m sure I can convince him to let me go once he’s been properly…satiated.

I never thought the killer tree holding me captive would turn out to be a better man (and lover) than the idiot I married.

But he is.

Now I’m starting to wonder if a girl with roots in the city and a tree with roots in the woods (literally) can find their happily ever after together…

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Monsters, Monster Romance, Smut, Erotica, Paranormal

248 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 28, 2023

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve seen Evil Dead and am fully aware of the tree rape scene. And no, I do not think it was a coincidence that the tree in this story was named Ash, either. However, this book was a much more loving and sensual tree on lady lovefest. Is there a term for it? Sure is…dendrophilia. Siggy Shade had some really creative and very alluring lovemaking scenes here. Took full advantage of the situation, which just when you thought couldn’t be any more wierd, does just that. Like when you are forced to breastfeed one of your new in-laws for life. Because it’s tradition in this new family that our lead, Milly, had the unfortunate luck of being forced to marry into. Which is why she ran into the forest and stumbled upon Ash. Who was locked, cocked, and ready to rock her world. One specific scene that really took me by surprise was when Milly asked Ash to recreate Pinocchio…but in a way that does not involve a nose growing. Yeah, you get it. You filthy minded piggies. Being my first erotica involving a tree, I was pleasantly surprised. And the next time I’m mowing my lawn, I’m going to think twice about how my trees look out there. All taut and lush…sitting in that dripping wet soil…waving those perky limbs…just striving to get my attention. What’s that? You want me to trim and prune you? My wife won’t approve, but hey…when nature calls…you must answer, right? Or how about this…if there’s grass on the field…play ball? I dunno…tree sex!

[Meg]

…wtf? Oh, well. *adds to May’s reading list*

[fiore ♡♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This ruined my life.

[mtrics · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wish I was illiterate.

[Mei ☽︎]

That was a wild ride I don't think I ever want to get on again. 😂 Just when I thought things couldn't get crazier, THEY DID. Just when I thought I couldn't get more grossed out by Erik's family, I DID. It was shocking how well-written this was, and Milly and the tree's dynamic the whole time was pretty wholesome. Just literally everything else about this was BATSHIT CRAZY. I definitely won't be consuming ginger or milk for a while.🤣

[Naurarwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm sorry, but anyone who can't see author, Siggy Shade's books for the sheer craziness and fun times that they are probably shouldn't even be reading them. Cause that's what they are, crazy, smutty, and signing up for a good time.

Milly is about to marry Erik, but there's more to his family than meets the eye. After finding out just what that is just before they are about to be bound together sends Milly spiralling, but threats to her very existence leave her with no choice but to marry him. Then she runs and finds herself with more than she bargained for when her escape into the forest leads her to an ancient carnivorous tree that saves her from the predators in the forest.

With a desire to survive, Milly offers herself to the tree and that's when the smut really begins. There is spice on top of spice, with an extra helping or ten of spice and a whole lot of interesting choices to be made.

Love this author so much at this point, and after the death of someone close to me this was just the read I needed to show me a little light and fun times.

[TheBookPlatypus]

“I almost feel guilty for not telling the tree how to get to the blood but I’m so close to the edge that I can’t form complicated sentences. The tree continues to probe my pussy while rubbing the leaves back and forth against my swollen clit.”

I seriously just read an entire book about a woman who has sex and falls in love with a fucking magical tree? Who only then turns into a man at the very end? And has children?!

Yes, I did. Because of filthy Facebook groups, where people talked me into reading a book about a tree who enjoys suctioning menstrual blood and vaginal juices out of a woman. And likes to fuck her with wooden dildos while also figging her…

What is wrong with me that I finished this book? I have no idea. I’m not gonna rate it because I don’t even know what to rate it still. Was it entertaining? Yes. Obviously, because I finished the book. But I literally have no further words… 😜

[Hyzie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just...what the hell did I just read?

The tree sex wasn't the weirdest part of this book.

I want you to think about that for a second.

The tree sex was not the weirdest part.

[Bookstasies · Rating 3 out of 5]

God, i need help.

[gianna 🫂 · Rating 1 out of 5]

this just in!!!! giving a tree your period blood will make it develop feelings and turn into a real boy!!!!!


p.s. between this and midsommer, im never going to sweden

[Katie (spellboundbooks_) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars | 5 spice

"This is some Norman Bates-level weirdness."

I honestly don't even know what I just read... I saw someone else review this and curiosity got the better of me. Curiosity definitely killed the cat (or Katie in this case)... because WHY did I just read a book about a carnivorous sex tree and WHY did I rate it 4-stars??? The shocking part is the TREE wasn't even the most f'ed up thing in this book - I'm lookin' at you PAPPY.

PLEASE PLEASE check triggers for this one when starting it because it is not for the faint of heart hahahaha. The first CHAPTER had me GASPING, and it all went downhill (up a tree?) from there. I learned some new terms (did NOT need to know what figging was - but now I can horrify my friends with even more messed up nonsense I learned from a book) and heard a LOT about that delicious sap (GAG).

Honestly though, this was surprisingly well written for a book about a horny tree and a woman on the run from a kinky family lactation cult. Somehow this book made me wish I had a Norse God of a tree man who thought I was the best thing that ever happened on this Earth in the last 3000 years - something I never thought I would be able to say. I cackled hysterically (probably out of actual hysteria because I am clearly unwell) throughout this entire thing.

I can't say I would recommend this one because now there are things I will never be able to unread... so let's just end it with this... Pinocchio fans this is the book for you 😉😉

[Carissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

Diva cup to the rescue!

[Cristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Absolutamente bizarro, con una extensa lista de advertencias que piensas, what?, pero sí, todo eso pasa. El árbol es lo de menos.

[Chris Link · Rating 2 out of 5]

I cannot believe I’m admitting this publicly, but I’ve somehow made my way to a (hopefully ironic) smut book club. The writing is piss poor, the plot is nonsensical, but somehow I was locked in for all ~200 pages. The titular tree is somehow a shade of the Norse mythological Yggdrasil, the main character is a perfect blend of uncharacteristic yet strong enough to resist the cult she’s been drafted to. It’s wish fulfillment at its greatest, and it kept me glued to the screen far longer than it should’ve.

[Funkypinkpat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wtf did I just read and why did I like it so much?
Also what does it say about me that the only parts that gave me the ick were the human family of adult sickos who use breastfeeding as a way to survive, not the fucking tree doing about 2 pages of trigger warnings to the fmc.
I also learned about figging...and now I can't unlearn lol
Anyway, read this. It's weird and you'll have fun!

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have no words. Started off wild, got wilder and then got bizarre. And even weirder. Like seriously weird. I can’t even 😂

[Ry · Rating 1 out of 5]

i refuse to believe siggy shade is a real person

[Ada]

***...who or what sucked me in?***
It was a brilliant review that started like this:

My Kindle skipped right past the trigger warnings for this book - had I read them, I wouldn't have started this 240 page odyssey on a sunny early evening in June. I should be sitting on my balcony with my cats, staring wistfully at a potentially deadly volcano that may one day erupt and kill millions of people while rose and chilling, but instead, I am cooped up in the office sans cats and rose (the potentially murderous volcano always looms on the horizon) trying to wrap my head around what may be the most bizarre love story I have ever encountered. Because do not get me wrong. This is a love story. There is a HEA. Also, 5 people will die during this book and nothing of value will be lost.

Is my new book boyfriend a three thousand year old serial-killing tree? Yes. Yes it is.

TW: look, if it is possibly triggering it is IN THIS BOOK. Trees are apparently very kinky and very knotty. (Tree Pun Count \[TPC\]: 1)

After such an introduction, how can I not be interested?

What are all those triggering things you ask? Someone made a list:
- Abduction
- Anal sex
- Blood drinking (menstrual)
- Bondage
- Dendrophobia (tree phobia)
- Double penetration
- Double vaginal penetration
- Enema
- Figging
- Forced feeding
- Forced lactation
- Forced marriage
- Forced pregnancy
- Imprisonment
- Nipple bondage
- Lactation kink
- Male pregnancy
- Menstruation play
- Nasophilia (nose sex)
- Orgasm denial
- Period sex
- Perverted old grandpa
- Pinnochio kink
- Spanking
- Water sports

After all that the review ended with this zinger:

Shiver me timbers. (TPC: 16)

How could I not be interested?!

Listen sometimes I want to read stupid things just because. And who knows? Maybe this story will suprise me! I will at least have learned what nasophilia is because I can't imagine how that works.

[Ciru · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heh! I don't know if I should laugh or cry but I enjoyed this.

What in the trigger warnings!
What in the Demon Seed movie ending (watched it as a child on TCM and it traumatized me but the ending fits so well!)

I didn’t realize any of this until I agreed to be Erik’s wife, so no one can accuse me of being a gold digger.

Girl! Watu wakunywe chai. I wrote this when reading but in the end, it really wouldn't have mattered. But the Kenyan in me always says 99% of these murderous in-laws books would not have a plot to stand on based on how we go about getting to know the family shenanigans before marriage. But then issues always still come about.

“Because you’re human,” he growls. “You cannot live on love and sunlight. You need people, you need experiences, you need purpose. I can’t give you anything but this cage.”

I love that Ash was conscious enough to realise they would have withered together in the tree. I loved that this was proper monster horror, and written well. When Ash said he should have killed them better, I felt that.

So, in short, loved this. Loved that it was basically low level monster horror smut. Love the cover. Love the smut when it was Ash+Milly. Siggy Shade is shaping up to be a favourite of mine.

[Sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most bizarre book I've ever read.

[Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I blame Beth for everything

[Austeja]

The TWs are true

[DA · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not gonna lie, I enjoyed this book. Far fetched and outrageous, it was actually a very sweet romance between a human and a sentient tree. As ridiculous as the plot sounds, the author was able to deliver a well written story that is highly entertaining. And spicy. Very spicy.

[Emily]

“Milky and Pappy” 💀

[Cara Connors · Rating 2 out of 5]

What the actual fuck

[Chloe ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was I hooked? Yes
Was I turned on? Yes
Am I disgusted in myself? Also, yes

[Ebc_readsmut · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is this the weirdest book I’ve ever read? Absolutely, yes. Is this the worst book I’ve ever read? Surprisingly, no!

Actually, this almost had me ready to rate it at 4 stars for the sheer audacity, level 10 ick factor from the antagonist, and absolute filth of the smut. But, then it lost me with that last bit there, around 95%, with the whole….belly seedling thing…😳🫣🤢 So now I’m at 3 stars.

The smut is a mix of that’s different… & also why am I turned on by this? Never in my life would the thought of being restrained by a freaking tree ever cross my mind as being in the realm of hot but here we are. Idk how I got to this place and I’m slightly concerned.

This was like watching one of those occult horror films, it’s so outrageous you’re not sure if you should cringe or laugh, but either way you’re thoroughly entertained. From the very start I was like okay I’m picking up some weird vibes…and then, 🤬 THAT CHEAT-wait, what are we doing now? 😵 Which then just spiraled into ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT. Needless to say I was jumping out of my skin for the FMC & was rooting for her to get the hell out of dodge.

Needless to say, this was wildly entertaining & I’ll probably never forget it! So there’s that.

[Kassi Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a wild ride. It was fun though. This is my first true paranormal/monster type romance. It was gifted to me and a friend to buddy read and we both finished it in less than 24 hours. We were equally shocked with how well written it was allowing the chapters to flow and make it super quick to read. The story was out there but it was fun and smutty.

[Hope Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

All I can say is I am speechless this author is wild! Pure of smut for sure but WILD sometimes i wished it was a little more invested in the story line but is most definitely a page turner in a …this can’t get more wild from here type of perspective had me where I read it in one sitting due to this and I am most definitely someone who takes a while to read a book because I get busy in life

[Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

That was certainly, something? Very unique I’ll give it that