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Personal Score: Sport, Culture, Identity

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From an award-winning First Nations author, a ground-breaking examination of sport's troubled relationship with race, gender and sexuality. Award-winning writer Ellen van Neerven plays football from a young age, learning early on that sport can be a painful and exclusive world. The more they play, the more they realise about sport's troubled relationship with race, gender and sexuality, questioning what it means to play sport on stolen, sovereign land, especially in the midst of multiple environmental crises. With emotional honesty and searing insight, van Neerven shines a light on sport on this continent from a queer First Nations perspective, revealing how some athletes have long challenged mainstream views and used their roles to effect change not only in their own realm, but in society more broadly. Personal Score is a ground-breaking book that confirms, once again, van Neerven's unrivalled talent, courage and originality.

359 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 2, 2023

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325 people want to read

About the author

Ellen Van Neerven

38 books124 followers
Ellen van Neerven (they/them) is an award-winning author, editor and educator of Mununjali (Yugambeh language group) and Dutch heritage. They write fiction, poetry, and non-fiction on unceded Turrbal and Yuggera land. van Neerven’s first book, Heat and Light (UQP, 2014), a novel-in-stories, was the recipient of the David Unaipon Award, the Dobbie Literary Award and the NSW Premier’s Literary Awards Indigenous Writers Prize. van Neerven’s poetry collection Comfort Food (UQP, 2016) won the Tina Kane Emergent Award and was shortlisted for the NSW Premier’s Literary Awards Kenneth Slessor Prize. Throat (UQP, 2020) is the recipient of Book of the Year, the Kenneth Slessor Prize, and the Multicultural Award at 2021 NSW Literary Awards, and the inaugural Quentin Bryce Award.

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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Profile Image for Teresa.
Author 9 books1,034 followers
June 10, 2025
3.5

These essays of different forms are a testament to and exploration of the racism inherent in Australian sport, particularly soccer, the writer’s first love. They experience discrimination, just for wanting to play, first due to their gender then due to their sexuality, and always due to their Indigeneity.

The writing opens up from sport as its main focus to that of Indigenous wisdom and practices (which include sport as cooperative and not competitive) that have been ignored, even eradicated, by colonists of the past through today. For only one thing, and it’s a main thing, this has led to disastrous climate-change.

The collection ends with concrete calls to action, in the hope of a reversal to ancient wisdom and practices, starting with respect for the Indigenous land that sport is played upon.

*

This book was part of my Two Dollar Radio Press subscription from last year.
Profile Image for Ali.
1,825 reviews166 followers
February 18, 2024
Van Neerven's work is always transcendent, but Personal Score is the first time all the elements play (heh) so perfectly together that the result feels damn near perfect. Nothing about this book should work in theory: van Neerven blends reflections and research, mixing sport, memoir, Aboriginal cultural connection, gender identity, and climate change. The volume isn't particularly long, but I found myself pacing it to give myself time to digest the content, which feels like at least three books worth. The narrative shoots into various nooks and crannies and style can shift sharply. And yet, you never feel that they are not taking you exactly where you need to go: the style shifts give variety and different ways of telling the story. The book feels very much like a complete whole, succeeding in making van Neerven's point that Country is people too, and everything we do on it is part of the same cycle.
The mix also enables van Neerven to balance the nourishment sport provides (and they excel at describing intimate desires, anxieties, and comfort in sparse phrases) with the systemic issues they have researched (and at times vice versa). They have always been excellent at embodied writing, and here this moves from sensuality to pain to the joys of athleticism and the sensations of bushland walking, sea swimming. This connects ideas and experiences, making one world out of what we often divide into many. Honestly, I loved this and wouldn't have changed a thing.
Profile Image for Declan Fry.
Author 4 books101 followers
Read
May 5, 2023
I remember, when first learning of Ellen van Neerven’s non-fiction debut, that its focus on sport sounded like a new direction for the author. But van Neerven gave the game away early: in one of the most widely shared poems from their poetry debut, Comfort Food, the speaker, reflecting on an AFL game, recalls how the stadium was built atop a bora ring.

In the publishing mainstream, a book such as Personal Score – interspersed with poetry, autobiographical writing, interview, history and sporting advice – looks like a novel intervention. Yet it shares familial history with other examples of contemporary Indigenous and small-press publishing – books that combine modes and voices, offering something transdisciplinary and cross-genre. I was reminded of Black Wattle, whose authors present their work collectively as “this mob”. Black Wattle was released by Incendium Radical Library, which has published a lot of interesting work.

Personal Score begins, following a quick “pregame” introduction, with an invocation of “they” – “Their first home backed on the North Star football fields in Geebung.” As if writing might form a collective history, the “I” subsumed within the whole. What is this collective? For one thing: not necessarily a collective. “They” may also be an individual pronoun (as it is for van Neerven). It may be part of a larger community. A form of identification. But “they” is also capable of addressing – that is, speaking to, and implicating – the audience. (Which is you. Which is me.)

For Ellen van Neerven, who grew up assigned female at birth and First Nations, who speaks of how “[e]verything around me was telling me I needed to know my place”, perhaps we should consider ours. (Perhaps you already have.)

The game takes place both on and off field. It is mental as well as physical, and depends on more than just an individual player’s skill: “I started shaving and waxing and made an effort to be more ‘feminine’, but I found there was always something that stopped me from being accepted. That game I wasn’t going to win.”

“They” are also capable of anonymity – the anonymity enjoyed by power. Sometimes the anonymity assigned to the silenced. “They″⁣ can become part of what van Neerven, writing of the homophobic “lesbian mafia” comments reported around Australian women’s football, dubs the “more than one” rule: “Put a group of more than one woman together and watch what they call them (bitches). Put a group of more than one man together and watch what they call them (nothing).”

Thus they can be an object. They can be a receptacle. They can be whatever you want them to be.

Read on:
https://www.smh.com.au/culture/books/...
Profile Image for Lewis Fisher.
570 reviews2 followers
December 8, 2023
watching the nation and the wider world come together to watch the world cup earlier this year was an interesting experience. yes, it was amazing seeing so many people show interest in one of, if not, the biggest part of my life, but throughout i was worried that it would be a passing phase, and for some it has been. the wider issues surrounding women's sport in this country, as well as how it plays out for LGBTQIASB+ communities are still evident (while it's great to have so many teams, all senior womens teams in my local club wear pink jerseys, and my local association has a premier league and reserve system for the mens but not the womens). players on my team and opposition will routinely use bigoted language, and the environmental concern and lack of Indigenous acknowledgement at a minimum is stark (yes im aware i live in the shire and shouldn't be surprised at this point). obviously, my experience as a white passing straight male-bodied person who for years considered himself able bodied is different to what EvN and others have gone through, but this book has opened my eyes. please, if theres one book you read, read this
Profile Image for actsofsurvival.
53 reviews
June 12, 2024
a really fascinating look at the ways in which sport has been used to create divides, as well as the ways it can be used to bring people together. EvN talks about the ways sport has helped and hindered them, as well as how important it is to culture and their personal journey. i loved every second of it.
Profile Image for Lewis Summers.
131 reviews1 follower
May 24, 2024
This was really interesting! It felt like a good and important book considering the time I’ve spent working in the sports industry, specifically the women’s sports side.
Profile Image for Soo-Min.
59 reviews101 followers
December 10, 2023
Incredibly brilliant!!!! I didnt really appreciate sport until I met Kim- I began to appreciate sport for its strong ability to form community, its playful potential, its power to shape identity & self. At the same time though, as I heard more stories about the industry, I began to realise how deeply political sport is- as evn puts it “dirty and complicated”. This is a must read for anyone who plays sport or even just recreationally watches sport, to truly begin to understand what it means to “do” sport on unceded land in the settler colonial state of “Australia”. Amazing amazing read.
Profile Image for Maddie Robertson.
76 reviews2 followers
April 27, 2025
I don’t really know what else to say other than I thought this was excellent - informative, relevant and highly relatable personally.
Profile Image for Emmaby Barton Grace.
792 reviews21 followers
September 13, 2025
4.5 such an interesting book that covers so many different topics - while primarily about sports and first nations identities, this book explores gender, queerness, health, climate change, and history, and is also part memoir

rethinking sports
as someone whose least favourite subject at school was PE (lol), this book really broadened my thinking about sports. on one hand, it helped me view it in a much more positive way and recognise all its benefits - connection, achievement, teamwork, mental health etc.

on the other hand, it helped me recognise the ways sport perpetuates violence and separation (e.g. the language used: to ‘beat’ or ‘thrash’ the opposing team, the inherent competition, the increased DV after grand finals; nearly 50% of elite athletes saying have been abused by sporting personnel, killing - animals and first nations people - for fun, environmental damage). it was also interesting to learn that sports were initially a luxury/elitist (for the west) and reserved for men/the ruling class.

also important to recognise that sports are often framed as apolitical, but this is problematic: “premier joh says don’t mix politics with sport / catchphrase at the time / for first nations people this was never a choice / politics was never a luxury / neither sport”

first nations people and sport
- the specific relationship between sports and violence experienced by first nations people - being killed for sport, important lands being cleared for sporting grounds
- the ongoing experiences of racism - australia is still a heavily racist country. hearing EvNs experiences was really confronting - something it is easy to think no longer happens - and really emphasises just how much of an impact so many seemingly ‘small’ comments/experiences can have
- the constant reminder of trauma + violence first nations people experience - how does that impact a person? especially when everyone else gos on their life as normal…
- differences between first nations and western sports - competitive v connection, working with versus against the environment etc.

language
- “my mother and i talk about the term ‘resilience’ as being very similar to ‘re-silence’. a repetition of a harmful history. ‘re-‘ words in first nations policy speak are dodgy. for example, reconciliation: (re - to repeat, continue) + (conciliation - to placate or pacify). indigenous communities still remain highly vulnerable to potential future waves of this disease and potential future pandemics also caused by climate change. many of our communities have sub-standard living conditions that should make all australians ashamed. we should not have to continue being ‘resilient’. we should not have to continue to fight for the health of our land, our waterways, our culture and our family. why are we continually asked to change? it is the systems themselves that should change”
- “choosing the colour white as neutral is problematic… white is not my neutral”
- “first nations people don’t have a separate word for nature in our languages… it is all country, which cannot be compartmentalised or labelled beyond what it is. in indigenous worldviews, the concept of nature is a foreign one, a separation, separating ourselves from the environment we are related to. we see everything as connected”

health - mental and physical, healthcare
- culturally safe and inclusive healthcare is important - including healthcare that is intersectional (e.g. there may be services that are for mob or for queer people, but what about services for queer mob?)
- the health gap between first nations people and other australians, death by racism
- critiques of closing the gap - top-down, victim-blaming, deficit discourse, expects indigenous people to assimilate into western/neo-colonial measures for success
- interventions/actions need to be community led, bottom-up, strengths-based, capacity building…
- “athletes are praised for ‘getting through it’… don’t fight the body. know its limits. be mindful of burnout… refusals are powerful… be vulnerable to be strong. don’t abandon yourself. reveal yourself.” the importance of taking care of yourself: caring for county includes taking care of ourselves. we are country. lorde and the erotic - to love ourselves is powerful, a form of resistance: johanna hedva “the most anti-capitalist protest is to care for an other”. the strength of athletes like ash barty.

gender and sports
- the discussion about pregnancy and sport (p. 180) was really interesting - i’d never considered the extra thought that athletes would have to go through in terms of how their rankings would be impacted by taking time off (and interesting to see the ways this has been addressed - and how pregnancy is framed as an injury/disability through this)
- teams striking for pay rises - just how unequal pay is
- “all amateur association sport across the country is propped up by the unpaid and often thankless administrative and manual labour of a group that consists largely of women” - but women are mostly in BTS roles while men take on leadership roles

queerness and sports
- similarly to how pregnant athletes face unique challenges/decisions, it was interesting to read about the things that transitioning have to consider - the impacts transitioning can have on the body, how much they need to disclose, experiences of playing in such a gendered area etc.
- increased difficulties for women/queer athletes in countries where these are viewed as western imports/colonial legacies of sexism and homophobia etc are rife
- the whiteness of coming out: “coming out is not a straight journey… when so much of queer visibility is grounded in white history, white bodies, and white gatekeepers, we have to question who benefits from coming out. the choice to be publicly out as a queer person is not the only choice. not coming out can be powerful too…. rejecting the western ideal… instead of coming out they come in. what they do serves them”
- "one of the more interesting things about this writing-carving process is that some of this work was created when i was gender-questioning and didn't know how to represent myself on the page in a way that felt comfortable. i used the third person as a way of framing myself. i don't know how common it is to watch oneself from a distance. it felt safe, like a poscard from me in a place i was still understanding. self-realisation of genderr identity deepened my relationship with myself, and the writing changed"

climate change
- importance of indigenous knowledge for climate action
- first nations disproportionately impacted by climate change, covid etc
- disaster capitalism - “conservative governments would use the crisis’s emotional and physical distraction to sneakily green light controversial coal mines and other threats to country”
- black-green tensions; social justice/caring about nature etc. includes caring about fellow people; tommy pico: “the concept of nature has been cruel to native people… social justice has been wrongly related to nature… while there is no justice for native people. this is where the environmental white middle-class construction of pristine wilderness is exposed for its wilderness”
Profile Image for Elena.
107 reviews
May 30, 2023
I really enjoyed reading this. I've loved Ellen Van Neerven's poetry and short story collections, so to come across this blend of poetry, memoir and essays was wonderful. The poetry in particular, was wonderful to stumble across throughout the various chapters and sections, especially in the way van Neerven played with form each time.

The perspective on Australian sport that van Neerven brings the reader is unique in the context of Australian sport writing and literature, and one long overdue in the literary industry. But it is not just about sport, and though the particularly sport-focused may not like these divergences, I loved the various elements Van Neerven weaved in - examinations of nature writing in so-called Australia, Indigenous knowledges and ontologies, queer relationships, and especially, the examination of Country and place in relation to sport itself.

I did wish however at many points throughout, that Van Neerven had expanded more upon many of the points they make, if only by a few more sentences. I wanted to read more of their thoughts on statements they made, more context and meaning. The lack of further detail at certain points throughout Personal Score left some of the statements made by Van Neerven feeling empty and unfinished.

Still, I very much enjoyed reading Personal Score, and I know I will be returning to certain passages and lines - and all of the poetry.
Profile Image for Rebecca.
1,244 reviews91 followers
November 14, 2024
I saw this at Foyles during a trip to Melbourne last year and I opened the cover and read the first chapter and was immediately intrigued. This is a somewhat experimental book about sport. Ellen writes about sport and its place in society, and through this, she touches on a range of topics - identity, queerness, colonialism, othering, environment, etc etc. There are essays, poetry and snippets from Ellen's life. It all works surprisingly well and I appreciated this range of form. I thought it might be a bit boring (I'm not a sports fan) but it was informative and engaging.
Profile Image for Natasha (jouljet).
884 reviews35 followers
August 30, 2023
Sport in this country is often viewed as white, male, privileged and mainstream. But the passion and participation of those that don't fit that mold are just as important, complex, meaning and powerful than most footy players gracing the back pages of the newspapers.

Ellen revisits their own time as a football player, whilst examining sport in Australia and the world as a Murri queer, non-binary player and fan. Memoir, and incredibly generous, there are prose and poetry, stories of family, football games, vulnerability, racism and bullying. Of the feeling of being in the margins, in this sporting nation.

Reflecting on the excitement and anticipation of the Women's World Cup in New Zealand and Australia, and the toil women's sport has had to endure to be noticed, platformed and celebrated. This read has also let me revel a little long in the joy of the past month.

With an Indigenous, LGBTQISB+ lens, Ellen also explores the role of responsibility, mindfulness of Country, community, care for land, the climate crisis, equality and participation has in knitting society together, for the greater good. It's informed, well researched, and a beautiful and accessible read.

The poem outlining their dream for the 2023 Women's World Cup is oh so close to what we just witnessed and experienced.

This read feels like Ellen is telling you their story, sharing their knowledge, their hopes and dreams for all inclusive sport. How wonderful.
Profile Image for Kai Ash.
18 reviews
June 13, 2024
The book is brilliant, the writing magnificent, I learned so much and was driven to reflect on so much, but if you're a narrative-driven reader like me, it might be a bit harder to stick with it until the end, since it does seem to drop the soccer theme about halfway through, when we suddenly move into a tennis chapter. Don't let that stop you though! There's no rule that says you have to read a book cover to cover in order to love it.

The para that hit me hardest:

Call it 'Australia syndrome', the relationship that non-Indigenous people have with the land. The culture shock of being on Aboriginal land, the clash of fantasy and reality. Where are we?


Made me think of the time an Aussie writer I love used the "north wind" as a synonym for cold. Made me think of the men in Santa suits melting in the summer heat. Where are we?
Profile Image for Pierce Morton.
53 reviews
February 22, 2024
This was awesome, and while it got me excited about sport again, there are so many areas explored in such a passionate, personal and universal way, that it is impossible to ignore the impact of colonisation on every aspect of our lives. This provided a new scope for sport and lovingly emphasises the strength of First Nations people, while inviting everyone to bring about positive changes to flawed systems.

Profile Image for Otis Carmichael.
54 reviews1 follower
April 18, 2024
An absolute joy to see my deep relationship to football reflected so beautifully throughout this book, all the passions, the questions, the suffering is articulated. I learned so much about the challenges of identity and gained great insight into working through these, thanks to EvN's admirable vulnerability. You won't be able to step onto a sports field without these words resounding within your body.
Profile Image for Nikki Phan.
13 reviews
January 7, 2024
Lent by my lovely buddies who share my love for soccer!! Insightful read on the complexities and histories of sport from a queer FN perspective that grew my appreciation for the sport even more. Made me consider my own responsibilities to continuously learn, be aware of the politics it comes with, and ultimately uphold the beauty of the game in all the ways i can
Profile Image for Tori.
206 reviews2 followers
November 26, 2024
A complex and deeply personal cumulation of the authors thoughts, reflections, research and personal experience that examines sports, identify and culture within a First Nation's perspective. While it's not a book I'd rave about, I think there is learning in this book for any inclined to know more about the topics discussed.
Profile Image for Ronnie.
282 reviews112 followers
April 17, 2023
Essays on the capacity of sport to connect, empower and divide us as individuals, teams and communities, interwoven with digressions and reflections on race, gender, sexuality, climate, and health. It’s such a privilege to read EvN’s careful, brilliant mind at work.
37 reviews
November 26, 2023
Helped me learn a lot more about aboriginal history and culture and even more interesting as a lot is based around where Ellen grew up in SE QLD. I enjoyed the different styles, it kept changing pace which kept the book feeling fresh and made it easy to read in small chunks.
Profile Image for Lana Hall.
72 reviews
June 17, 2023
Great book that gives insight into gender disparities and the inequality indigenous Australians face through the narrative of personal memoir and poetry.
Profile Image for Lily Arapera.
53 reviews
November 9, 2023
a blend of all the ways that EvN writes and i loveeee. a good collection of poetry, prose, essays + personal little bits, and history. a good combination of personal and communal.
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