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The Liturgical Mystery #2

The Baritone Wore Chiffon

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(No. 2 in the Liturgical Mystery series) St. Germaine’s police chief, Hayden Konig, returns in this hilarious sequel to "THE ALTO WORE TWEED." He’s beginning to write his second Chandler-style who-dun-it (an effort that is not going as well as he might wish), when he’s called to England to help solve a murder at Yorkminster. As the season of Lent begins, there’s an interim priest at St. Barnabas – a priest with a wife, and she has an agenda. If the "Edible Last Supper" (featuring the Mary Magdalene Coffee Bar), wasn’t enough, Hayden also has to deal with a Clown Eucharist, snakes loose in the church, the Fung Shui Altar Guild, and a dwarf verger named Wenceslas. As Easter approaches, it becomes clear that the murder in York has repercussions far exceeding the borders of England. Two dead bodies and counting. Now Hayden has some real problems.Hayden Konig’s 2nd mystery —The Baritone Wore Chiffon. It’s not what you expect...it’s even funnier!

207 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2004

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About the author

Mark Schweizer

37 books84 followers
In 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.

Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?

In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.

In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.

“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.

In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
Profile Image for Eric_W.
1,955 reviews431 followers
July 17, 2011
This Liturgical Mystery series keeps getting better. They are LOL funny. Hayden, the local police chief detective and church organist and choirmaster (he keeps a loaded .45 under the bench) again has to deal with a new parish priest sent down by the bishop. This one is equally as foolish as the previous priest. Rev Barna wants to makes us all feel better by encouraging the clown in us. His first service, predictably is a disaster leaving the kids terrified (clown phobia being rampant,) snakes loose in the church (hognose, they only look like rattlesnakes) and Hayden writing another hymn in honor of the priest’s clownish ideas the words to which are:

We honk our rubber nose and find A circus all for thee. The greasepaint we would wear; The costume so complete; The flower squirting water fair Upon our giant feet. Crown Him your Inner clown The Clown above the sky And worship Him as you do best Throwing a custard pie. We drive our little cars, And tell our jokes with flair, Then hit ourselves with two-by-fours To show thy mercy there. Crown Him you many clowns, And worship Him above For in this circus we call life He is the Clown of Love. The ringmaster will crack His whip to end the play; Then punch your final ticket for That clowny judgment day. The choir is in stitches.

When the rector calls those few kids not afraid of clowns to come up front for a children’s Bible story about Gideon and the Golden Fleece he fails to anticipate the fun kids can have: They were tag-teaming now. A well-oiled, unrehearsed juggernaught. Father Barna was beginning to squirm. "Of course you’d do it. But Gideon was afraid and didn’t want to attack." Moosey: "He was probably just all itchy." "Itchy?" said Father Barna. "Why?" "Because of his fleas." Father Barna did his best to ignore the comment, obviously confused, much to the congregation's delight. This was, as they say in show biz, what they had paid to see. "Well, I suppose," said the priest trying to get back on track. "Anyway, Gideon told God that he would put his fleece on the ground and if it was wet in the morning when the ground was dry, he would know God would help him win." Moosey: "So he put his fleas on the ground?" "Yes." "And were they wet?" "Yes," said Father Barna. "And then did he take them back?" Moosey was pushing him for answers. "Well, I suppose he did."

I like the many references to classical music. Hayden is always mentioning some obscure -- or not so obscure -- piece he’s listening to in his truck or for Lent. I was listening to the St. Luke Passion of Penderecki. It's not an easy piece to listen to, but if you can get through all ninety minutes, you'll be more than ready for Lent. In fact, Lent will be a piece of cake. It's the musical equivalent of having your wisdom teeth pulled without Novocain. The fact that I was giving up beer for forty days also had a bearing on my selection. I wanted Meg to suffer as much as I. She was giving up needlepoint. I pointed out that this was hardly a challenge.

A continuing schtick is Raymond Chandler. Hayden bought Chandler’s old typewriter and plays on some of the more overwrought similes in Chandler’s mysteries. The story within the story is one hyperbolic simile after another. In one funny scene, Hayden goes to a children’s writing class where they dissect what constitutes bad writing and they throw similes at Hayden who guesses immediately which Chandler title they come from. Then they proceed to rip his own writing asunder. Mrs. Nelson nodded approvingly and continued. "We've been assembling our favorite Chandlerism's. Would you like to hear some?" I nodded as hands went up all over the classroom. "Why don't we start here," Mrs. Nelson said, pointing to the front row, "and we'll make a game of it. The Chief will have to guess where the quote came from." I nodded confidently. Chandler was my business. A boy at the head of one of the aisles stood up and began the test. "It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window." (No spoilers, here.)

Hayden is also writing humorous hymns based on the Bible, e.g., the Weasel Cantata. The choir members had The Weasel Cantata 2 stashed in the back of their folders along with several other repugnant pieces I had written over the years including a motet entitled Like As The Dog Returns From His Vomit (on Proverbs 26:11). The Weasel Cantata, however, had the distinction of being the only piece ever written on the dietary laws of Leviticus and takes advantage of the fact that the word "weasel" is only mentioned in the Bible one time. Leviticus 11:29 – "And these are unclean to you among the swarming things that swarm upon the earth: the weasel, the mouse, the great lizard according to its kind." The verses flow over a Baroque rendering of Pop Goes The Weasel while the choruses are sung to the Thanksgiving hymn We Gather Together. It is an altogether lovely and well-crafted work of surpassing beauty. Or so I've been told.

These books are just too much fun.
Profile Image for Jennifer.
Author 1 book6 followers
January 20, 2011
I don't want to spoil anything, but the part with the donkey had me crying, I was laughing so hard. This marks the third book in this series I have read (I read Soprano Wore Falsettos out of order) and I have loved each of them. As an Episcopalian singer myself, I can relate to much of the church goings-on, which makes the books all the more entertaining.
Profile Image for Cheryl.
203 reviews17 followers
June 28, 2021
Full of inside liturgy and church magician jokes. Not surprising, because the author is a musician. There are absurd situations and a truly dreadful book within a book. Sometimes the humor landed for me and sometimes it was mildly annoying. It is a quick read and things do come together for a pretty satisfying conclusion. An entertaining cozy mystery. It did remind me a bit of the silliness of Vicar of Dibley, the British comedy classic.
Profile Image for Lauren - Find me on Fable!.
148 reviews2 followers
May 4, 2025
Hilarious! I read the first Liturgical Mystery (The Alto Wore Tweed), and I thought it was a cute, fun story, but this one had me laughing out loud more than once.
Hayden's mystery novel was just spectacularly bad in this story (which, hilariously, plays a part in the later part of the book).
The actual mystery in the story was a whodunnit surrounding an American in England, a missing diamond, a cross and a circus. The actual mystery was, in my opinion, better than the mystery in the first Liturgical Mystery too. And definitely not without it's humor.
The best part of the entire book was the new priest, education director, and Feng Shui Altar Guild. The scene with the donkey on Palm Sunday was hilarious but even better was the Clown Eucharist. The parody on Crown Him With Many Crowns had me laughing so hard I was crying.
If you're looking for a light-hearted mystery read, this one definitely fits the bill. If you've got a background in music, it will be even better!
Profile Image for Karen.
2,142 reviews56 followers
January 5, 2018
I love this series.

Re-read this 01/04/2017
180 reviews
January 17, 2021
A continuation in same style as The Alto Wore Tweed. One or two good cackles, but too many characters to keep from being confusing and distracting. An easy read - but suggest switching from wine to hard liquor to get through this one.
Profile Image for Judy.
1,945 reviews38 followers
July 20, 2010
A wonderful satire poking at both the Episcopal Church and the genre of noir mystery fiction. Hayden Konig is the organist and choirmaster of St. Barnabas Episcopal Church in a small town near Ashville, North Carolina. He is also the Chief Police Detective in St. Germaine. In this outing, Lent is approaching and Konig gets ready for the liturgical season by listing to the St. Luke Passion of Penderecki which he feels is the musical equivalent "of having your wisdom teeth pulled without Novocain." But, he feels if he can make it through all 90 minutes, Lent will be a piece of cake. Due to the unfortunate loss of their last interim priest (see The Alto Wore Tweed), the new bishop has sent a replacement. He's a retired lawyer who has just gone to seminary and is about to begin is new career saving souls. The new director of Christian Education has also just been hired from a Presbyterian church and between the two of them, chaos has just begun at St. Barnabas. The new priest hires "Mr. Christopher" to fung shui the church and moves the altar to the East Transept where the flow of energy is better. There is an unfortunately death during a clown eucharist (Peppermint is found dead with a balloon weiner dog in his mouth) and the "Edible Last Supper" gets out of hand. During all this, Konig is involved in an investigation that takes him to England, there is police work to be done in St. Germaine, and he is trying to write a mystery on the same typewriter used by a famous mystery author. A totally fun read.
Profile Image for Sharon Barrow Wilfong.
1,136 reviews3,967 followers
September 7, 2020
I enjoy Schweizer's mysteries. They are well constructed as is his cast of characters who we meet and become attached to in every book. He also shows a great sense of humor mostly delivered with a clever wit.

I think he nails the hypocrisy and outright paganism that occurs in many (not all) Episcopal churches. I can vouch for it from personal experience. I had to quit my job as an organist at a lovely church because the new priest decided to add another service that involved Native American chanting.

However, his efforts at humor at the expense of other denominations..Baptist, Pentecostal... really qualify more as cheap shots than actual humor. If he made jokes toward these denominations that had a grain of truth in them, it would be funny, but he skewers them as though they were a bunch of raving maniacs, polyester wearing maniacs in the Baptists' case, naked maniacs with the Pentecostals. C'mon, Schweizer.

Still, I plan on reading the whole Liturgical lot. The humor outweighs the pot shots so far.
166 reviews
June 18, 2010
OH, toooo funny. A temporary priest takes over during Lent. I can't say more without spoiling it but I laughed out loud, almost to tears.
Profile Image for Linda.
625 reviews2 followers
Read
June 27, 2016
Another hilarious story!! This one is complete with the Edible Last Supper!!

Do not read this book while eating or in a quiet place - you will laugh out loud!!
Profile Image for Ann.
1,726 reviews
August 26, 2025
So, I read the first of this series some 10 years ago. Not sure why I never went any further at that time. Looks like I gave it 4 stars but didn't write a review. I was reminded of the series this past summer by a friend who was giving it rave reviews and realized that I'd actually purchased book 2 around the same time I read book 1. So I decided it was about time to dig into it.

Think cozy, quirky, with a sort of story within a story, given the main investigator is also an aspiring novelist, albeit one more likely to win the Bulwer-Lytton prize than a Pulitzer. Fortunately, he doesn't take himself too seriously and the "real" novel is very readable, even as you probably will roll your eyes at the character's novel.

As choir director at his local Episcopal parish AND police chief of the town, it's down to him to figure out what's going on when the clown Peppermint is found dead in the sacristy of the church. It was a clown liturgy, of course. Meanwhile, thanks to publicity on his solution to a previous murder, he's in demand by an old friend in York when one of the Minster's baritones is found dead in the church treasury.

It's all very slapstick but the author doesn't take himself too seriously, so just roll with it and enjoy the silliness. I'll definitely be continuing the series.
Profile Image for Melissa.
771 reviews5 followers
August 30, 2017
Another funny volume in the Liturgical Mystery series. In a small town in N Carolina Hayden Konig is a wealthy man who also happens to be a police chief, the choirmaster and organist at the local Episcopal church, and such a huge fan of Raymond Chandler's writing that wants nothing more than to emulate his hero and is the author of truly atrocious noir mysteries. The humor comes from all three of these threads. As police chief he deals with some fairly oddball locals. And hijinks always occur at the church; in this one the church has a temporary priest whose valet is a dwarf (who becomes the verger), who replaces the altar guild with a feng shui group, and who conducts a clown eucharist and an Edible Last Supper.Then there is the murder of the baritone in York Minster which Konig is called to investigate for the Church. I read this for my 2017 Reading challenge "read a book recommended by a librarian" (PopSugar).
Profile Image for Dean McIntyre.
670 reviews3 followers
February 2, 2019
The Baritone Wore Chiffon by Mark Schweizer is the 2nd in his Liturgical Mystery Series, and just as humorous, witty, and enjoyable as the first, The Alto Wore Tweed. In the author's words, it is "a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing." Hayden Konig is the Episcopal choir director/organist who is also the chief police detective in his small rural North Carolina town near Asheville. In addition to the dozens of references to music, choirs, church music practice, liturgy, and the liturgical year, there is death, murder, theft, clown worship, snakes in church, a live donkey in one of the most hilarious Palm Sunday processions imaginable, a strange new interim priest, a Feng Shui Altar Guild, and an edible Last Supper. Looking forward to the rest of the series.
Profile Image for Donna.
301 reviews
November 24, 2022
Hayden Konig is a part-time Episcopal choirmaster and a full-time police detective in St. Germaine, a small town in the mountains of North Carolina. Because he had helped the police in England solve a murder, they have requested his assistance again. So he makes a quick trip to England to check out the murder scene. Back home in North Carolina his church gets a new priest with a wife and the next thing they know they are having a very strange Lent service with clowns, snakes and a dwarf. Everyone is surprise when there is a murder in the small town of St. Germaine. The more Hayden looks into this case and the case in England something doesn't seem right. This is the second book in the Mark Schweizer Liturgical Mystery series and is a fun read. The mysteries are great and if you love to laugh these are the books for you. Never a dull moment in St. Germaine.
Profile Image for Christine.
67 reviews1 follower
January 1, 2025
Number 2 in the Litugical Mystery series, Mark Schweizer hits it again.

Small town in NC with a small episcopalian church, Hayden Konig is the chief of police and organist/choir director, who fancies himself a writer. Konig is also financially solvent and has no need of either job.

Yet again, a quick, fast, fun read that just hits right. Konig has some crazy Sherlock ability to solve crimes with no evidence and gets the culprit to confess.

They just roll with all the crazy antics in the town and the church.

This time there's a connection between their small town and a murder in England. It's Lent, and Konig has given up meddling in the church decisions and is just rolling with the decisions the interim priest is making. From Feng Shui to clowns, the antics are never ending. The choir just follows the lead of their fearless leader and rolls with the punches.

I am loving the liturgical series and will continue reading them. Fast paced, funny, and smart.
233 reviews3 followers
August 25, 2022
My second liturgical mystery and while it wasn't as good as the first book in the series, it was still thoroughly entertaining. There was a scene where a minister tries to tell a group of rowdy kids a bible story about Gideon and the fleece. This made me laugh out loud and it's been awhile since a book has been able to do that. On the down side the book could have been longer and the mystery more developed, it was almost as if this aspect was an after thought. Still consider this book highly recommended.
Profile Image for Judith Richardson.
34 reviews
May 11, 2018
Absolutely hysterical!

Anyone with knowledge of the Episcopal church, particularly those of us who don’t take things too seriously should read Schweizers’ books. They are laugh out loud funny, super corny but with some great character development. I’ve fallen in love with Hayden despite his delusions of being a Raymond Chandler clone. Very entertaining. I’m recommending to all my Episcopal friends
11 reviews
May 28, 2019
Number 2 in the series--the plot in this one was very interesting, and Hayden made some jumps in solving it that were not real clear. In addition to the liturgy and the music, I am becoming very fond of Moosy! I really do wish the church could find a functioning priest--we really aren't all as bad as the ones depicted so far! On a more serious note, I am coming to really appreciate Hayden's compassion as evidenced in both books so far.
Profile Image for Mees.
287 reviews
May 22, 2022
My husband asked if the second was better or worse than the first and I didn’t know how to answer that. They’re very specific, funny if you’re involved in church life, and a tad of casual sexism, homophobia, transphobia aside (parts here and there didn’t age quite well, but it’s pretty minor) they’re delightful.
Profile Image for Bryan Thomas Schmidt.
Author 52 books169 followers
August 30, 2018
No sophomore slump here. The sceond book improves on the first with more consistent and funnier humor plus two mysteries that take place hundredw of miles apart but are they related? Schweizer will have you enjoying every minute of finding out.
Profile Image for Linda.
880 reviews11 followers
November 25, 2018
Hayden Konig is faced with the murders of a bearded lady and a Hungarian clown. He also is struggling with his latest writing endeavor as well as with a temporary priest who wants to ride a donkey into the church on Palm Sunday.
1,086 reviews
April 6, 2023
Probably a solid 2.5* for some reason I kept putting this one down. Sarcastic humor that you need to be in the mood for, however the characters to grow on you, like moss if you sit too long in the damp shade.
24 reviews1 follower
November 12, 2025
Wonderfully entertaining!

Anglicans, music, romance, small town life, with a dash of detective mystery, a unique combination. From a time that now seems, very, very far away. Read it and have some fun
Profile Image for Ruth.
1,415 reviews19 followers
September 20, 2017
This time, some international intrigue. And REALLY bad 'tec noir (intentionally , I hope).
Profile Image for Candace Lazzaro.
168 reviews14 followers
December 19, 2017
I love Mr. Schweizer's books. They are silly in the way the 1930s movie mysteries were...tongue in check! The Bariton Wore Chiffon is a riotious romp through Lent complete with an "Edible Last Supper" "(featuring the Mary Magdalene Coffe Bar), dead bodies, homicidal clowns and rubber shoes.
Profile Image for Denise.
439 reviews
September 24, 2019
These books would do fine without the bad, Raymond Chandler spoof sections. I’m thinking of skipping those sections in the future installments. This one did well with twists that didn’t feel forced.
Profile Image for Jerry Hicks.
205 reviews1 follower
December 7, 2019
Hayden is able to solve a mystery in England as well as at home. Who can believe that the Baritone was really a female?
713 reviews2 followers
January 14, 2020
This series is laugh out loud funny. I had previously read the first book and received the rest of the series for Christmas. The scene with the donkey had my laughing so hard.
Profile Image for Ann.
12 reviews
May 21, 2020
Good quarantine read. Silly and fun.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews

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