Journal of a Black Queer Nurse

by Britney Daniels

In this searing, honest memoir, a Black queer emergency-room nurse works the front lines of care during COVID-19.

“Can I have a white nurse?” the patient asked Britney Daniels.

“Sorry ma'am,” Britney replied, “we are fresh out of white nurses.”

Britney Daniels is a Black, masculine-presenting, tattooed lesbian from a working-class background. For the last five years, she has been working as an emergency-room nurse. She began Journal of a Black Queer Nurse as a personal diary, a tool to heal from the day-to-day traumas of seeing too much and caring too much.

We are fortunate that Daniels is now willing to share these stories with us. Hilarious, gut-wrenching, and infuriating by turns, these stories, told from the perspective of a deeply empathetic, no-nonsense young nurse, make visible the way race, inequality, and a profit-driven healthcare system make the hospital a place where systemic racism is lived. Whether it is giving one’s own clothes to a homeless patient, sticking up for patients of color in the face of indifference from white doctors and nurses, or nursing one’s own back pain accrued from transporting too many bodies as the morgues overflowed during the pandemic, Journal of a Black Queer Nurse reveals the ways in which care is much more than treating a physical body and how the commitment to real care–care that involves listening to and understanding patients in a deeper sense–demands nurses, especially nurses of color, must also be warriors.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Queer, LGBT, Audiobook, Race, Lesbian

182 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 9, 2023

Reviews

[Kazen · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

A great look at what it's like to be a visibly marginalized person working in health care, directly from Daniels' experience. The prose is natural and flowing, without a literary filter (which for me is a good thing).

My biggest takeaway is how marginalized nurses and techs end up in more precarious situations than doctors of the same marginalizations. Doctors can wield their authority, but a nurse needs someone higher in rank to back them up, and that help is rare in coming. Especially for a travel nurse like Daniels, who only spends a few months in one place before moving on.

If your involved in medicine at any level want to see how your internal, unrecognized biases (we all have them) affect care, you need to pick up this book.

Content notes: racism, homophobia, microaggressions, suicidal ideation, strained and estranged family relationships, patient death (including children), descriptions of child abuse, brief description of a bug infestation

[Brittany Savercool · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up for educational purposes (potentially switching career fields) and am so glad I did. Reading Britney’s stories throughout the early days of her nursing career, while being constantly surrounded by racist assholes truly exposed me to systemic racism within the health/medical industry. I learned so much through this book, with the most important lesson being to stand up for what you believe in and for those who you believe in. idk if you actually read these reviews, but from one Brit(t) to another, thank you.

[Cassidy Waggoner · Rating 5 out of 5]

“empathy saves lives”

britney opens this book saying this isn’t a book just for nurses, but as a white nurse, it really opened my eyes on the treatment of BIPOC/lgbt+ patients and other health care professionals and how poorly they can be treated.

and the sh!t some people say… my god ????

[Katelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Daniels tells true stories from her years as a black, queer nurse, deftly pointing out her real-life experiences of how systemic racism plagues American society and our healthcare system, and the implications of this for everyone. She deals constantly with white co-workers' internal biases and shows how important empathy is in nursing. A 5-star read.

[Karla Strand · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this debut in one sitting and was moved, enlightened, enraged, and hopeful all at once. As a Black queer nurse, Britney Daniels has experienced Some Things and instead of being jaded (which is my go-to), she turns her stories into valuable lessons from which we all can learn.

[elstaffe]

Pull quote/note
"...I sat down at the computer and mapped out the drive. I would stop for gas and food only in heavily populated areas. I would drive through the Colorado mountains to avoid the desolate Missouri and Oklahoma roads. I would set my cruise control precisely to the speed limit to avoid encounters with law enforcement. I planned my route so that I would always make it to my stopping point before dark. I shared my location with as many people as I could. I was excited. And I was terrified. What if I had car trouble in a place that did not welcome people with my skin? What if I made a wrong turn into someone’s property in a state where it is acceptable to gun down unfamiliar faces on your property? I planned meticulously. My life depended on it." (71-72)

[Cj Rivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

i thought this was going to be more of a full blown memoir but it really did read like a journal which i loved, it was so raw and inspiring & made me reflect on my internal biases. this was a good read for me being early in my nursing career and especially wanting to work in the ED eventually where quick decision making and stress make the setting riddled with bias.

highly recommend even if you don’t work in healthcare, the medical slang was thoroughly explained specifically because the author wanted it her stories to be accessible to non-nurses!

[Ellie Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Britney Daniels is truly the kind of nurse who I hope would be by my bedside if I was in hospital. She not only discusses the importance of dismantling the racism and prejudice within the healthcare system, but shows the reader exactly how a nurse should be when caring for their patient. The pushback she receives because of the internal biases of her colleagues is truly abhorrent and often took my breath away. There is evidently much work to be done in order to dismantle the racism and prejudice within the healthcare system. I hope that constructing this memoir and digesting her experiences was healing for Britney.

[Melon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an interesting read! Unfortunately only further validates my experiences of working in healthcare :/

[Hannah Harper-Ruff · Rating 4 out of 5]

really opened my eyes to the systemic racism and internal bias in healthcare. i can confidently say this will change my nursing and all aspects of my life going forward.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone who touches healthcare, or really just everyone, needs to read this collection of real stories. Real prejudice and insensitivity and callousness encountered every day in the ER. We must do better.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling and raw memoir. Relatable, funny at times, heartbreaking and eye opening. Definitely worth a read, especially for anyone in the healthcare or healthcare adjacent fields.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir with a message that is for everyone. I highly recommended reading it.

[Mbhutches · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent writing, funny and sad at the same time. A quick read.

[Anna Laytham · Rating 4 out of 5]

All healthcare workers need to read this.

[Keisha Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gay black woman becomes a travel nurse just before covid 19 . Each chapter is a small collection of (mostly racist) stories from one of the hospitals she worked at.

The plague doesn’t feature much in the book.

Crazy ass awful people- patients and staff. Blatant disrespect for her expertise, and disregard for the patients. Inability to admit mistakes. Infuriating read. Some nice heartwarming stories so it isn’t just a rage fest.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative and personal reflection of a queer Black nurse who travels within the United States to work at various hospitals in varying conditions. I learned a lot about the marginalized side of nursing, focusing on the appalling discrimination of the treatment people face in the hands of fellow medical staff and patients alike.

[Jillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: tldr this book rocks and ended being super important to/for me. read more for personal journey of big feelings

Reading this book has ruined my relaxing hot baths! Every time I would open this book I’d get angry and cry and shaky! And get mad at the…author?

Wh-why? She’s completely valid and justified and brave. Honestly, reading this book just helped me realized just how traumatizing being a nurse (and nurse’s aid) in the healthcare system is, and I don’t have the extra challenge of dealing with racism as a white lady. But reading her stories still always struck a chord with me as it brought me back to my own similar experiences, dealing with inappropriate patients, coworkers who bully you, hospitals who overwork you, doctors who dismiss you, and an entire system that gaslights and abuses you. Some times I’d get angry at the author because I’ve been beat down so much that I saw myself in some of the “bad nurses” portrayed and I’d cry and think “they’re doing their best!,” but I mean, ARE they? Or am I projecting my own trauma and guilt for my inability to be a perfect nurse in such an imperfect system on people who don’t deserve my empathy because they have none?

This book made me mad, including at the author, but it helped me examine why I’m mad and remind myself of the nurse I am and want to be. Because on reflection all my anger was, well, it was classic White Person anger, where I make it about me when it’s not. And every time I took a breath and remembered it wasn’t about me I’d realize…I’m literally just projecting. Britney is a good nurse, is the type of nurse I always try to be even when it’s really hard, and while it’s okay to empathize with the flawed nurses because I know what it’s like to be in an abusive work environment and be unable to be a “good nurse,” I know I still am one and would also gasp and if brave enough, scold, the nurses who dismiss their patients’ suffering, because no matter how burned out I am, no matter how much I may feel like I’m failing my patients, I know I at least will never turn my back on their suffering.

I def have some trauma to work through, because it seems like every few stories touched a nerve where I spiraled and once again felt like I wasn’t good enough. And my first nursing job was beyond abusive (as was my first job as a nurses aid in an assisted living). And nursing in general is such a trigger for me despite being something I participate in weekly and enjoy doing overall.

Ugh. Good book. Very triggering book for me, and I only tick two of the three boxes in the title, and I’m not even visibly/openly queer lol. As I’m now a travel and a float nurse, a lot of complex social interactions go over my head as I just show up do my job go home, but I will try to do my job as a white nurse to be more watchful for racism in the workplace and call it out when I see it. I often got angry with the author for being too confrontational and a “snitch”, but like…again, WHY do I feel that way? Because I shouldn’t. I feel that way because of fear and social pressure, but those things shouldn’t be an issue in speaking up against racism or patient abuse. Britney’s a role model for being able to speak out, even though it shouldn’t be her responsibility to do so and to be the one to educate. But I admire her for her strength in doing so and doing so with patience when it’s not deserved.

Basically tldr every negative feeling i had during this book and towards the author was my own nurse trauma making me project, and not even accurately (like thinking Im one of the “bad nurses” when im not, and associating the author’s valid reactions with things nurses have invalidly done to bully me). Because britney is the type of nurse I want to and strive to be, and I admire the hell out of her. Plus her book was free therapy as it made me reflect a lot on uncomfortable feelings and question why I was getting upset and reexamine.

Conclusion; fuck i need therapy. but this book was a start.

[Morgan Treichler (frml. Gossett-Pugh) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book did not disappoint. "Journal of a Black Queer Nurse" by Britney Daniels is such an important story. This is a raw and real account of racism and how it feels to deal with prejudice in healthcare.

The author manages to maintain a hopeful tone while discussing what could have felt like insurmountable challenges. She makes you laugh in a setting that is far too often surrounded by grief and trauma. She delivers brutally honest social commentary, but gets the reader to still chuckle and relate.

With chapters like 'White supremacy and palm trees,' she doesn't shy away from calling things as she sees them, and really, calling out serious problems with our broken healthcare system and society as a whole.

I have also loaded up my car and driven across the country for a job in the medical field, so I can feel the fears and excitement that the author describes, however, I'm a femme white woman, with all of the privileges that come along with those very visible characteristics. That journey was scary for me, so I cannot even comprehend how terrifying it would have been for a masc Black woman.

The back cover mentions that some of the stories will be infuriating, but that's an understatement. Very blatantly racist interactions, like being questioned for an ID at a hotel where she was already checked in, or when a tech literally shocked the wrong patient and was barely reprimanded, yet Daniels was fired for applying a bandage upon doctor's orders, absolutely made me seethe. But - one of the most gut-wrenching scenes for me was when a patient made a comment about "your kind" and it sent the caring nurse into a spiral of fear, just to find out that the elderly man was talking about adult diapers, and not being aggressively racist. Knowing that so many people have been conditioned by a hateful society to live in fear breaks my heart and disgusts me.

Books like this are so important for educating that the impacts of systemic racism are not just the huge stories that make it onto the news. It eats away at your insides and can cause so much harm.

Such an educational and fascinating book, by an author whose voice really shines through on each page.

[Shelby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in a single day, and wow. It was educational, eye-opening, heartbreaking, and inspiring, all wrapped up into one. Britney Daniels is the kind of compassionate, comforting, and life-changing nurse you hope you’ll encounter during vulnerable moments in the hospital. Her level of care is above and beyond — but to her, it’s what should simply be the status quo…which is undoubtedly what makes her such an excellent healthcare provider.

Throughout the book, Britney shares several stories that highlight the systemic racism that permeates the healthcare industry (as well as our entire country), along with the internal biases that cause so many people to treat POC differently (whether they’re willing to acknowledge it or not). She stresses the importance of inclusivity, empathy, and the dismantling of social constructs that cause people to alienate those who are most in need. In some situations, this is a pivotal line between life and death for her patients.

One of the most powerful parts of the book is Britney’s fierce perseverance to remain compassionate in the face of hate, cruelty, and ignorance. She gave her patients the clothes off her back, just to make sure they were comfortable after leaving the ED. She believed patients who attending physicians mocked, only to find out that they were, in fact, telling the truth. She treated all of her patients, even those who did not reciprocate, with humanity and kindness.

I could say so much more, but I truly cannot recommend this book enough 💫

[A Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daniels provides a glimpse into emergency departments in several areas of the United States and exposes the medical racism she witnessed firsthand. I had expected more information about working "the front lines of credit during COVID-19" given the large, hot pink sentence on the back, but Daniels walks us through various times in her life and career without focusing on COVID-19 necessarily. I would've given a higher rating but toward the end of the book the writing seemed to shift in a way I didn't like; the stories seem to be written in chronological order so perhaps Daniels has had less time to reflect on more recent events or perhaps she felt rushed to finish, but regardless I didn't like the tone toward the end of the book. Also, there were a few times in the book when I would've preferred different wording. For example, Daniels uses "shooting up" to indicate rapidly sitting up in bed, refers to an experience as a "moronic conversation", and says a patient "with autism" without indicating that said patient preferred that word choice over "autistic" (generally preference by self-advocates in the United States) or "on the autism spectrum". Oh, and I must've read a particular part of the book ten times trying to understand the implications before realizing that it was written as "right hand" when it should've been "left hand" I think.

[Octopodey · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a nurse, this book hits close to home. There were many things that felt familiar, despite my nursing career and my personal background being different. I am white, and I came to my queerness later in life, after I was out of hospital nursing and already working in a healthcare setting that is by definition supportive. 

But I've seen the dangerous shit, the mean nurses, the cut corners, the lies about care performed, the egos that were prized above patient safety and patient experience. I've seen management tell staff to do more with less, and cover up the incompetence and casual cruelty of physicians rather than suffer consequences. I've seen the claim that it's too hard to discipline nurses who put patients at risk. I've seen out of date practices still being used. 

All of this takes a toll on your soul as you struggle to do the right thing, for yourself and your coworkers and your patients. 

Reading the words of someone else on the same journey is a balm to that wound. Knowing you're not alone in the fight is important. Community is essential. 

For full disclosure, I work with Britney and she is a delight to work with. 

[Nelly Grose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book grabbed my attention because it's a local author, who also happens to be queer, and a nurse. I thought I would give it to my sister (currently in nursing school) as a birthday gift after reading it myself. I casually picked it up and didn't put it down til hours later when I had demolished the pages. Britney's writing was captivating, and I found myself rooting for her every story and wanting to see where she ended up. The stories she details often shared the misfortunes of bias, racism, and sexism that remains prevalent through -- all facets of life but in this case) -- health care. It was difficult to read about the number of patients disregarded or disbelieved by people meant to be caretakers. Thoough, it made me hopeful that there are more people out there like Britney who change the narrative.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true life account of a nurse on the front lines of Health care. In some ways, very American in its racial micro and macro disfunction and aggressions. In others, it it just universal snap shots of health care and vulnerability. It is hard to imagine that a white nurse in similar situations would have the same outrageous stories to share. Covid 19 has highlighted our racial biases by giving stats and numbers to back up the imbalances in treatment and care. Undeniable - the numbers do not lie.

Britney Daniels gives faces and names to fill out the human stories of what some of those numbers mean. What she has witnessed first hand in her daily efforts to practise nursing will give you pause. It is fascinating and troubling to think about the human cost to both caregivers and patients.

[Abhi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the book ended up being sort of shallow. The stories are all 1-2 pages long meaning none of them are very deep. None of them get analyzed or reflected on. I don’t see how she changed as a person from these stories. The expectation is for others to change which is why she remains frustrated at the end of the book. I also have to wonder why she chose travel nursing if the travel nurses get treated like shit. One variable not examined is that she was treated like shit by the permanent nurses because she might be getting paid more than them. That was certainly true at my hospital leading to poor nursing retention. And examine why she kept moving and was unhappy at 90% of the places she went. Yes white supremacy and structural racism are common denominators for all the sites, but what else is common? Her! There was very little introspection in this book.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will never understand the blatant disregard for black folks. Anymore, the health care system seems to place a value point on your head based on gender, race, age, sexual orientation, political status, weight, employed status, housing status, etc. But this pervasive nature of bias in a hospital setting of people that are supposed to care is abhorrent. And yet, it just gets worse day by day.

Britney, thank you for standing up for yourself and the general public like me. I am a sexual abuse survivor, so I truly do not like the health care profession as there is no communication, no empathy, etc. And god forbid a male doctor tries to touch me.

I wish there were more nurses like you that actually give a damn!

[Sierra Matika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing and an absolute must read for all nurses and people who interact with the healthcare system (pretty much everyone). As a white nurse, this offers a much needed perspective on the injustices towards people of color within the system both towards patients and employees. As a queer travel nurse, I read so many moments of my reality and fears with both my job and my personal life. The author is so vulnerable and this book truly reads like a journal of after shift reflections that i know every nurse has in different versions of these stories, written or lingering in their head days weeks or years after they have happened. You can tell that Britney is a phenomenal nurse by the way she writes her stories and the voice she offers.

All this to say, please READ THIS BOOK!

[Karen]

A very personal and also political rendering of day to day life as a Black queer ER nurse in the USA. Daniels lifts herself from extremely tough origins to build her career and her life. Her experiences as a nurse working through COVID and beyond in America are, as you might imagine, pretty trying. There are plenty of examples of how systemic racism, sexism, classism, and homophobia hurt everyone—care workers and patients alike. Daniels perseveres and keeps her cool and her sense of humor throughout, and ends on a wish for us all to cultivate more empathy for each other. The book feels pretty rough-edged (it’s very true to its title, as a series of journal entries) but I have to say, we could use more people like her.

[Adrian Shanker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Piercing and infuriating, and written so beautifully, Journal of a Black Queer Nurse should be required reading for healthcare professionals. Brittney Daniels shares her journal of racist, sexist, and homophobic experiences she has encountered as a nurse in emergency departments across the nation, and illuminates how patient care has been compromised by healthcare bias, which much of the time is without accountability.

At a time when right-wing zealots are attacking DEI efforts, this book is proof about why it is needed in healthcare settings, not for some arbitrary academic reason, but for basic patient care.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a white transgender person going into healthcare, I think this book is important for people to read. I’ve experienced more than my fair share of discrimination (including from patients) and can relate to a lot of this book, but I think it was still important for me to read about the experiences of a person of color in particular. We have a lot in common and yet so many differences. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Britney! I really hope I will be able to be as steadfast as you in the face of prejudice of any kind.