My Secret Bully

by Trudy Ludwig, Abigail Marble (Illustrator)

                                                THE SECRET'S OUT ON BULLYING

Here is the all-too-familiar story of Monica.  She and Katie have been friends since kindergarten.  Monica loves being around her when she's nice.  But there are times when Katie can be just plain mean.  And Monica doesn't understand why.

Monica is a target of relational aggression , emotional bullying among friends who will use name-calling and manipulation to humiliate and exclude.  But with a little help from a supportive adult—her mother—Monica learns to cope and thrive by facing her fears and reclaiming power from her bully.

Including a foreword by the founder of the The Ophelia Project, as well as helpful tips, discussion questions, and additional resources, My Secret Bully is a vital resource for children, parents, teachers, and counselors.

Genres: Picture Books, Realistic Fiction, Friendship, Childrens, Fiction, School, Middle Grade

32 pages, Hardcover

First published December 1, 2003

About the author

Trudy Ludwig is a nationally acclaimed speaker and an award-winning author who specializes in writing children's books that help kids connect and engage with their peers in kind, caring ways. She has received rave reviews from educators, experts, organizations, and parents for her passion and compassion in addressing friendship, bullying, and cyberbullying issues at schools and conferences around the country.

An active member of the International Bullying Prevention Association, Trudy collaborates with leading US experts and organizations and has been profiled on national/regional media outlets. She has also served as content advisor for Sesame Workshop's "Good Birds Club" TV episode and as an expert panel member on Sesame Workshop's video series on bullying.

Trudy's books have won the Victoria Soto Legacy Award, NAPPA Gold Award, Mom's Choice Gold Awards, the Moonbeam Children's Books Gold Award and are included in Kids'Indie Next Selection,the Cooperative Children's Book Center's Best of the Year Selection,and NCSS-CBC Notable Social Studies Books for Young People Selection. the Junior Library Guild Selection, the School Library Journal Best Picture Books Selection, and more.

For more information or to book Trudy for a speaking engagement, visit www.trudyludwig.com

Reviews

[Alexis Waltemeyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig is a contemporary realistic fiction book. My Secret Bully is about a young girl who is bullied by her very own best friend. Monica and Katie have been best friends since Kindergarten but ever since Katie has made new friends, she is only nice to Monica when they are alone. Monica becomes sick and upset and eventually tells her mother what has been going on after missing so much time at school. Her mother gives her advice and Monica takes it. The next day at school Monica tells Katie that she will not stand for being bullied anymore and that real friends do not bully one another. At the end of the book, Monica is no longer friends with Katie but Monica makes new real friends and she never wants to speak to Katie again.

The general age group for My Secret Bully would primary into intermediate. I think this because the words that are mention is this book may be too advanced for a younger child.

The pictures in this book were colored with paint. The pictures are made with different colors, but each shade is dark. All of the faces in this book are unhappy and the lines are not definite.

I would most definitely recommend this book. I would recommend this book for all age groups, from children first starting school and up. A child should understand that they may become bullied, but they need to stick up for themselves and not give up. A person should recognize that even people close to you who will hurt you and may even betray you.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I happened across this book at the library where I work and I SO wish that I'd seen something like this when I was in middle school. My best friend was also my worst bully (for YEARS). She did damage to my self-image and my middle school/high school experience that can never be fully undone. We stopped speaking after graduation, but I wish I'd known sooner that I wasn't in the wrong. Trudy Ludwig very accurately represents the feelings of guilt a little girl feels when her friends start to turn on her; how you start blaming yourself for being "too sensitive" or no fun. I would highly recommend parents share this book with their little ones, whether or not they have friend drama yet. It teaches confidence and self-worth, and reminds kids that you can't go wrong by being open with your parents.

[Ian McHugh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story here was a good one. The ‘jump’ between confronting of the bully and everything being ‘OK’ again was too swift - this is often the most important part of the ending of the misery of bullying and more detailed coverage of the aftermath of the confrontation would allay some of the fears faced. The guidance to ‘use humour’ or ‘remove yourself from the situation’ is correct BUT there was little explanation of how this was to be achieved and what would happen next. Story is recommended as a discussion piece.

[Rozana AlBanawi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended. I use this book with parents & children alike to understand what bullying is, even when it is done by your closest, best of friends!
It shows a clear distinction between who is a friend is & who a secret bully is. Sometimes it is a fine line.
There is a poster that comes with it. The story includes guidelines for teachers/parents.

[Michele Knott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really important book. Bullying isn't always in-your-face, loud, mean, and physical. It can be verbal and quiet, but enough to hurt. Ludwig does an amazing job writing books that are important for kids.

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another children's book that I read for a child development class. It is a useful book to teach children about the more unspoken form of bullying: relational aggression. This refers to when someone causes harm by damaging someone else's relationships for social status. The book does a great job at introducing this topic and teaching children to remove those toxic people from their lives and stick up for themselves. However, it could do more by providing more solutions to the problem so that children have options. The solution in the story seemed to be a bit too simple; often times, it is not this way in reality.

[Kandrea Cheney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great for plot development, conflict, and making connections.

[Sierra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like this ,because it teach's a lesson for kids not to Bully other kids.

[Simona Abagiu · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great children's book for children and adults alike. I loved the simplicity of the story and the strength of the message. I will share this story with the children I will teach for sure.

[Ashley Adams · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yuck. This book suggests approaching relational aggression by role-playing with a parent. In the end, the kids don't even solve their problem.

[Summer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was ok! I didn't like the way Katie was acting to Monica, it was very mean!!);

[Rena Sherwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

Um ... no. This isn't really bullying -- this is how childhood friendships normally go south.

The only thing I liked was that the victim stopped having anything to do with the bully. However, they both go to the same school and live near each other. Unless the victim goes to a new school AND moves to a new county, she's stuck having to deal with the bully.

Supposedly, one sentence was cutting enough to handle the bully.

That's not how real life works, kids. If you have a bully, you gotta fight back. You're smart. You'll figure out how to do it without getting in trouble.

It's what grown-ups do every. Single. Day.

Welcome to the real world.

The art was much better than the text, and the only reason this got two stars instead of one.

[Allyson Goose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the insight this gave me into how a child might be bullied, the impact it could have on children, and how a child might try to respond to a bully. As a teacher, I also appreciated the extra info about why kids bully others.

I didn’t love the kid’s words to the bully, as they sounded a little odd from a child. The illustrations also seem a bit dated (mom’s outfit, eyeglasses, and a phone with a cord), so I’m not sure that the book would be taken very seriously by some elementary school classes. Still, I think it could be effective with one child or a small group, or just to educate adults who support children.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Monica and Katie have been friends for a long time. But lately Katie seems to be turning away from Monica, and influencing others to snub Monica too. When Monica finally talks to her mom about it, her mom really listens and helps her with strategies to defend herself against the secret bully. This form of bullying is sadly common. The message of the book is clear--didactic--providing language and tactics to use against bullying. Recommended for elementary and middle school aged students and elementary counselors.

[Cindy Mitchell *Kiss the Book* · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ludwig, Trudy My Secret Bully PICTURE BOOK illustrations by Abigail Marble. Tricycle Press, 2005.

Monica and Katie have been best friends since kindergarten, but Katie's behavior has changed lately and her whispery attacks are destroying Monica's self-esteem. Finally, a heart-to-heart with her mother gives Monica the tools and strength to stand up for herself.

Excellent material for a serious discussion about bullying in a Teacher Advisory.

MS - ESSENTIAL

[Raquel Pilar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Monica is friends with Katie, but Katie is nice to her only when they are alone.
At school, with other students, she is really mean and Monica doesn't understand why.
Her mom, then, gives her hints on what to do to solve this problem.

Kids really sympathize with Monica and it is a great book to talk about bullying (:
I wish I had someone to show me this story when I had this kind of problem, hahaha

[Lisa Houston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a phenomenal book for girl drama! I need to make sure I buy it for my classroom. I like how the author shows the bullying, she’s shows how the bullied girl handles the situation alone, and then I love the fact that the bullied girl tells her mom about the problem and they role-okay how to handle the bullying.

If you teach K-6th grade this is a MUST have book for your classroom! I could see so many writing activities coming from this book.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Monica and Katie have been friends since they were little, but lately Katie has been mean to Monica when they are in a group. When they are by themselves, Katie is the same as ever toward Monica.

This is a great book for a conversation starter. There are questions for discussion in the back. Probably best for 3rd grade on up.

[Henry Claxton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story should be read to all students. All too often, friends are emotionally bullied by other so-called friends. Ludwig gives excellent resources and examples to empower the bullied student. This story is a female oriented version of Ludwig's other story, Just Kidding. Ludwig has grasped how to deal with bullying for students, parents, and educators.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Addresses the common childhood issue of relational aggression: when a "friend" turns others against you but is nice to your face. Teaches that the bullied should tell a trusted adult and stand up for themselves in front of other children. Reads more like a self-help book for kids than like regular fiction.

[Zoraida Rivera Morales · Rating 4 out of 5]

Katie has been Monica's since they were little, but Katie starts acting different. Monica isn't sure what's happening, but Katie does things that make her feel bad. Is she mad? Is she having a bad day? Is it her fault?

A much needed book about bullying from another perspective. Has a greater word count than most picture books, but it's worth it.

[Phoebe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book started a great conversation with my daughter about what she deals with at school. These issues are happening to girls earlier and earlier in age, and it's important to offer them the tools to deal with these situations.

[Kristina Shin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our classroom has been talking about friendship and this book looks at relational bullying. After reading, we had a discussion about the importance of reaching out to others when in difficult situations, standing up for yourself/others, and being compassionate.

[Aislinn Hogan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting book that shows a glimpse of bullying, and mental health. I think having bucks dealing with mental health in a classroom are extremely important, and some thing I wish for more accessible when I was growing up.

[Martina Rusnakova · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a useful book when your kids are confronted with bulling. The toxic relashionship is well described, atually copied the situation we were just handling quite precisely. I liked that parents were involved in the solution as well.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives a good segway to open conversation about,what the author calls "relational aggression." We need to be more aware of these secret bullies and be the adult that helps. This is a good book to build that trust.

[Laine · Rating 5 out of 5]

i went thru this exact thing when i was a kid. wish i'd had someone like monica's mom to properly tell me how to handle it. SUPER RELEVANT! and easy to understand. A+

[Sarah Threlkeld · Rating 3 out of 5]

Important message, but very text heavy for a picture book and the writing felt didactic.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story clearly explains what bullying can look and feel like and how to handle it in a positive way. Highly recommended.

[Sherri Kashaka · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a good read for both my 1st and 3rd graders and showing different kinds of friendships and what to look at when finding friendships!!!!