I Predict a Riot: Murder, Extortion & Carrot Cake

by Colin Bateman

I want a riot of my own... Die-hard copper Superintendent James 'Marsh' Mallow, of the Belfast CID, is nearing the end of his career, but he's not handing in his badge until he's nailed notorious politician and racketeer Pink Harrison. A dismembered body has turned up and Mallow is convinced he's got his man. Problem is, take Pink Harrison down, and the trouble of the full-scale rioting kind is likely to flare up. Then there's Walter, the civil servant who's infatuated with Margaret, the carrot-cake induced coma victim, 'Steve' in 'Office 12' and Redmond, terrorist and occasional birdwatcher, whose only way out of jail is to get himself killed and trust in reincarnation...

Genres: Mystery, Humor, Fiction, Crime, Irish Literature, Audiobook, Adult Fiction

Hardcover

First published December 13, 2012

About the author

Colin Bateman was a journalist in Northern Ireland before becoming a full-time writer. His first novel, Divorcing Jack, won the Betty Trask Prize, and all his novels have been critically acclaimed. He wrote the screenplays for the feature films of Divorcing Jack, Crossmaheart and Wild About Harry. He lives in Northern Ireland with his family.

Reviews

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars for me.

Lots of characters that need to sort of their life,there is a crime,bizzare romance and just hilarious situations.I was snorting with laugh and shaking my head,what did I just read?That being said I have one more of his books in my pile TBR.

[Fiona Brichaut · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Funny" books can quickly get tedious; once you know the author's style you start to anticipate the jokes and the humour lessens with each one. Not with this one though. It's a long book, but kept me entertained from beginning to end. I listen to audiobooks at night as an alternative to reading because it keeps my husband awake when I have the light on. Listening to this probably disturbed his sleep more than a reading lamp, because I kept laughing. In addition to the humour, it's also a damned good novel. Well structured, good plot and great characterisation. I listened to it 2-3 months ago and it is as fresh in my mind as if I had finished it yesterday. I'll definitely be buying more of Bateman's books. Oh, and last but not least, the narration by Adam Moore was fantastic. The voice felt completely right, the pacing was excellent and the Northern Irish accent was strong enough to suit the content without ever being difficult to understand.

I'm about to start reading Cycle of Violence (which has the most entertaining first page I've read in a long time) and I've just bought the audio version of Belfast Confidential. Audio versions of Mystery Man and The Day of the Jack Russell are in the pipeline. I can't wait! (Hope they'll be read by Adam Moore again.)

Like this review? Why not check out my book review site: BelEdit Book Reviews?

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

Question - why on earth are all the swear words in this censored? I kept hoping there'd be a logical explanation, but I didn't find one. Probably the publishers work, but come on Colin, we're all grown up here, so why have you gone all coy on us?
That said, this is the usual Bateman fare. I found it too long and too convoluted; the narrative delivered through too many characters and I think pace seriously suffered as a consequence. It failed to keep my interest and I was glad to get it finished.
I am currently working my way through all the Bateman books - about 4 months into them, so probably have a good perspective on their relative merits than most.
There are better Bateman books out there.

[Karen Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a thoroughly entertaining read. I have followed "Bateman" since the days when he was Colin Bateman, and I began by reading all the Dan Starkey books (which I also recommend).
I Predict A Riot is intelligent and funny. The humour is, at times, dark and understated but it is genuinely laugh-out-loud stuff. Bateman somehow creates bizarre, flawed, accident prone characters who are totally believable.
I don't want to give a synopsis of the story (others will do that) but I do want to engender a love of Bateman's books in readers who are new to his work. Read it if you like fast-paced action, interesting yet ridiculous characters, twisty story-lines and outrageously funny one-liners.

[Keith Stopforth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two chapters in and I realised I had already read it , but carried on in thoroughly enjoyed the for a second time . I enjoy Colin Bateman his books are funny but also give you an insight into what Belfast life used to be like .

[Mike Vines · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great characters, all with their back stories, (mostly screwed up and self-involved). Honesty is not a trait often found here, sometimes with violent, brutal results. Other times, just huge, hilarious consequences. Highly recommended!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sister gave me a stack of her Colin Bateman novels and I started with this one. So many laugh out loud moments crossed with the political temperature of the time of the book. Well done. I look forward to reading another of his novels.

[Andrew Mccann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book, I love Bateman . Darkly comic with heart.

[Shona Candlish · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read.

[William Horan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enjoyable book great humor and gripping story a real page turner

[Mighty Mick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, witty, Bateman classic.

[Mike · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just the wrong b ook for me. I may try again but it seems to have good stories that I can't get into.

[Iain Hamill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an Audible production and was brilliantly narrated. Meandered a bit at the start but a good few laugh out loud moments and last chapters zip along.

[Amanda Kirk · Rating 5 out of 5]

As ever Colin Bateman delivers, fast pace and funny

[Peter Mac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. It's what I think would happen if Carl Hiaasen moved to Northern Ireland. Funny and fast paced with a layer of interesting interwoven characters.

[James McHugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Colin Bateman. He is very funny. Only maybe the past year or so did I get into Northern Irish mysteries and they are great.

[Marc Nash · Rating 3 out of 5]

664 pages, 133 chapters averages out at about 5 pages a chapter, veering rapidly between the stories & fates of a motley group of characters interacting against a backdrop of post Peace Agreement Belfast. Short chapters, whacky characters, crazy interactions, this is a light enough and vaguely pleasurable read.

The book starts off with a disastrous blind date and we follow the long and winding path of these two wise-quipping losers fumbling their way back towards each other's arms. For losers, their professional lives are turned around with lashings of deus ex machina. Into the mix is a down at heel ex-terrorist, plying his wares far from home now that terrorism is no longer an employment provider "there's a lot of unemployed terrorists out there. They can't all become politicians". We have an aging detective with a grudge. A warlord turned respectable politician. We have the best mates of the two lovebirds and so on and so forth. each given 5 pages to make a superficial mark before we move on to the next contestant and are left wondering (hanging) as to when they'll next appear. Half the fun to be gleaned from this book was guessing which character was going to have the next chapter.

The tone is witty, but again spread over such a length the humour is somewhat diluted. I didn't really care about the characters, partly because there were so many it was impossible to root for them all; partly because they weren't particularly likable and finally because they were all of similar witty, cynically acerbic stripe. The ex-terrorist was potentially the most interesting, but I found his plot turns predictable and his character schizoid and uneven, which without revealing a spoiler, was kind of the point. But I just didn't buy it.

[Emer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finished Colin Bateman's "I Predict A Riot" at the weekend, all 535 pages of it. 😳 And it is exactly what it says on the tin......A Riot! Set in post troubles Belfast, there are a myriad of interconnected stories going on. You have Walter & Margaret who meet on a disastrous blind date and her accountant ex husband Billy, Maeve who's waiting for her "ornithologist" husband, Redmond, to return home from Columbia, Mark who has political aspirations in the Unionist Party, Stephen who runs an unorthodox section in the Department of Education, Linda, an unhappy and slightly unhinged estate agent, and last but not least Superintendent James "Marsh" Mallow of Belfast CID who's itching to nail Pink Harrison, notorious politician/gangster. Toss in a dismembered body and you're not short of excitement.

I loved this! I laughed out loud in parts which is a rarity for me with books. It has calamity all the way through in story lines that you really want to follow because you really need to find out in the end how it works out for everyone. A well written, if at times bonkers, tale of ordinary people and how they can make such a massive shambles of such ordinary things. Well worth the time. These characters will stay wit me for awhile!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Michael Welland · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle of this novel is "Murder, Extortion and Carrot Cake" - which sums it up quite well. Set in modern Belfast, there is mayhem, thuggery, accounting, fashion design, and corruption as well, but there are some truly wonderful characters, beautifully drawn. It is a crime/thriller, but it's also very funny - and that combination, to be successful, takes talented writing. And I am normally deeply uncertain when facing a 600+ page book (my experience with Eco's "Foucault's Pendulum" set the benchmark for time wasted through perseverance), but this was no problem - I was drawn along at, for me, a furious pace. I also learned one reason as to why this was, in addition to the crafstmanship and storytelling - chapter length. This is the first book I've read in which I was explicitly conscious of the perfect chapter length that keeps the reader rolling along. All in all, a great read.

[Grace_Notes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend who knows me very well gifted me this book - spot on!I loved the banter which lifted the book and enabled Bateman to deal with the horrific underside of Belfast - the side the tourist board does it's best to brush under the carpet - like every other country dependent of tourism for a large chunk of it's economy.Whilst the recreational rioting the drugs prostitution and protection rackets go on other folk get on with living their lives - or trying to despite the many obstacles and frustrations they encounter - many of them comical - as long as they are not happening to you!I loved Batemans pragmatic and irreverent approach which combined with the fast pace of the story meant I was left wanting more...

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a very well narrated book, but unfortunately one that became rather tedious as we follow the fortunes of a group of characters, mostly hapless, around Belfast.

People try to follow their dreams and keep getting more and more tangled up in messes, mostly of their own making.

Many stories are intermingled and by the end of the book you find out how most of the people are related in some way or other, which gives the idea about what small society the city actually is.

When you start to keep checking to see how much longer you have to go before you finish a book, the book has missed its mark.

[Gary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Colin Bateman's style and humour but this book goes just a bit too far with the multiple threads of characters life stories, for me anyway. It's very funny in places but the wildness of the situations stretches the fictional credibility a little too much. He mixes political commentary on the Troubles in N.Ireland well with dark humour but I could wish he had made the characters a little more believable. He manages this very well in Mystery Man. I'm quibbling I know but life's all a quibble really.

[Michael van Duren · Rating 5 out of 5]

A riot it is

This one is shallow and vapid, but impossible to put down. The plot is farcical, but the characters are rich and full of life. They are flawed, flailing at life, but enormously likeable in their earnestness. The dialogue crackles and will have you chuckling out loud every few pages. The Belfast setting is so vibrant, the accent leaps off the page. No audio book needed to thoroughly savor the local pithiness.
Humor at its best: shining a bright but forgiving light on our bumbles. A great escape for anyone looking for a laugh.

[Gary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the funniest book I've ever read, one that I will read many times. I've bought every copy I've found in charity shops and then given them to others, knowing that I was making them laugh. All of Colin's books are a joy to read but this one is a the best so far. Writing this review reminds me that I should go and find another copy so I can read it again, it's been two years so I'm due some more hysterical laughter. Get this book!

[HadiDee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read about 80% of this two days and then it got left at my sister's house. I really enjoyed the lightness of touch and the breezy style of writing as I read it but a few weeks later can't rememeber much beyond the incident with the carrot cake and have not the slightest inclination to get another copy and read the ending. A fun, fluffy but forgettable read.

[Ellen Hooley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Murder, extortion & carrot cake all set in a "peaceful" Belfast. Fantastic characters, fast paced chapters and funny. I think I have gained more knowledge about Northern Ireland in the last couple of days then in the last 10 years I've lived here!!!! Great book well worth a read.

[Kier · Rating 5 out of 5]

fantastic book! can't recommend it enough! loved it so much i didn't mind carrying its brick-sized volume around in my handbag for a week!!

[Michael Bolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Back on form

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

well threaded plot, funny, dark - the Carl Hiaasen of Belfast? (he wishes)

an enjoyable romp.

[Gobnait Lucey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is my first Colin Bateman and I am enjoying it so far. It is not a serious novel. It is funny... so far. I really enjoyed this novel. it stayed with me for a long time