The Rules Handbook: A Guide to Creating Loving and Lasting Relationships

The Rules

by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider

Millions of women have already learned these time-tested lessons of love. The world has changed . . . Now it’s time for a new generation to find “the one.” In their #1 New York Times bestseller,  THE RULES... Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider shared their time-tested techniques for finding the “one.” Controversial yet effective,  THE RULES  has changed millions of women’s lives all over the world since 1995. From Oprah to the Today Show, they helped women attract love through confidence and self-esteem. Over the past 30 years, the world has changed dramatically. Today, anything goes with fast paced dating and social media. While technology has accelerated the change (Instagram, texting, TikTok), biology has remained the same. It was time for a much needed reminder. The Rules Handbook  was written out of necessity. Ellen and Sherrie were hearing from many of their readers who had successfully applied the original Rules’s formula but experienced frustration when dealing others. They wanted a similar strategy to create loving and lasting relationships outside of romance as well. This led to coaching workshops to help others establish their own self-esteem, boundaries, and life philosophies.
The Rules Handbook  will do the same for you while helping attract the right people into your life and preventing or minimizing any unnecessary hurt or disrespect. This new book is organized to help you focus on your own life first, remain happy and busy, and nurture your Higher Self, as opposed to your Lower Self. You can then set healthy boundaries with confidence, and not lose your power to distance yourself from opinions or comments others make in person or on social media.
The Rules Handbook  will empower you to gracefully step away from difficult people and instead, invest all that time and energy on yourself and the ones who truly love and respect you. 

384 pages, Paperback

Published September 12, 2023

Reviews

[Håvard Bamle · Rating 2 out of 5]

When the Rules were first published in 1995 it was a cultural phenomenon. It was talked about on Oprah, on Sex and the City, and referenced in all kinds of shows that were popular at the time.
The handbook is the most recent update, following 6 books of rules for dating, relationships and so on.
The Rules are not only a set of rules, but a program. Think of it as a female version og what The Game is to men.

So is there anything to these rules?

Well, in large part the book is about developing confidence and being the better person when other people can be unpredictable and smallish. "Follow the Rules to develop your Higher self". This is the positive part, and something you will find in much self-help literature.

What's special about the Rules is the insistence that for a woman mystery is attractive, and initiative is unattractive.
I can speak as a happily married man and for many men like me that this is not true at all.

The authors of the book, from their experience as unlicensed therapists, write things like "the marriage ended in divorce, and we soon found out that she had messaged him first". Rule broken, marriage failed. As per the recipe. No confirmation bias here.

Do the Rules work?
Sure!
Just like anything you put your mind to, you can achieve. It will only work for a certain type of woman, and can only attract a certain type of man. As a safeguard, the authors suggest, once you have landed a man and married, you should change your entire personality and do everything to please him. (Hey, sounds like a great deal for men!) Marriage is the goal, remember! Not happiness, not self-fulfilment, not doing good in the world, because in the Rules ideology, marriage equals (or trumps?) all these things.

I have a better rule for women. Develop interests. Become a genuinely interesting person. Then you won't have to follow rules which tell you to not speak, not share, not message, to "leave him wanting more". Some men want a Rules girl. Most men want an interesting person.

[Sheena · Rating 1 out of 5]

read bc recommended in r/femaledatingstrategy. repetitive and old fashioned

[Julijaaa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good but repetitive

[ry⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ · Rating 2 out of 5]

there was so many things i needed to hear & understand. most things were repetitive & course 5 felt like a 1950’s handbook on how to be a perfect wife lol.

[ABGTinaSnow · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this book bc of TikTok (mixed reviews)🤕🫠

Loved The Rules 4 Dating: Focus on Yourself and Self-Actualization / Always Put Yourself First Core!!

Hated The Rules 4 Marriage: Focus On Your Husband, Don’t Hold Him Accountable / Put Your Husband First Core…

For me, this book is the epitome of Take What Resonates, Leave The Rest Behind. 😐

Being a single woman is not your “Lower Self” whatever tf that means.

I have felt the most feminine, powerful, and confident when I was single and celibate by choice. 🥰

Love yourself and put yourself first, always and forever ladies.
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[Chanel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am such a fan of the original rules book, but this book was really disappointing. The structure of it is really not effective, it is structured as a daily read so starts from Day 1 all the way up to Day XXX which is quite annoying and does not allow for a fluent, engaging or enjoyable read.

I ended up flicking through the pages to try and find something that was actually helpful / profound / life changing but there was nothing - so I ended up putting the book into the recycling bin!

I unfortunately do not recommend this book at all. If you haven't read the original rules book, I advise you read that one and do not proceed to this one.

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Rules work.
I was surprised they added a few rules for marriage.

[Tai Odunsi · Rating 2 out of 5]

as a manual for the lady of least effort, this tome advises that staying in her power means never having to lift a finger – or intiate a text.

[Katie Timms · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don’t read. Starts out okay and half the rules are okay, but some rules are stupid and could never be me. skip skip skip skip