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Sick Girl
At twenty-four, Amy was a typical type-A law student: smart, driven, and highly competitive until her heart began to fail. Amy chronicles her harrowing medical journey from the first misdiagnosis to her astonishing recovery after her heart transplant, which is made all the more dramatic by the romantic bedside courtship with her future husband, and her uncompromising desire to become a mother. She presents a patient's perspective of life after a heart transplant with honesty.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published September 10, 2007
92 people are currently reading
1450 people want to read
About the author
Amy Silverstein
6 books87 followersAmy Silverstein is the author of the new book, MY GLORY WAS I HAD SUCH FRENDS (June, 2017, HarperCollins)—an intimate celebration of the power of women's friendship—as well as the highly acclaimed memoir Sick Girl, (2007, Grove Atlantic) a courageous, unforgettable self-portrait and riveting account of the quest to survive against all odds. Sick Girl was voted winner of the Books for a Better Life award and a finalist for the Borders Original Voices award.
Author, attorney, and speaker Amy Silverstein was a vibrant, energetic 24-year-old student when she learned she had a failing heart; suddenly, it was heart transplant or die. At 25, she underwent heart transplant surgery and, amazingly, her new heart beat strong for nearly three decades, despite a ten-year prognosis. A graduate of NYU School of Law (she finished her degree after her transplant), Silverstein practiced corporate law prior to beginning her writing career. She also served several years on the board of the United Network of Organ Sharing (UNOS), a federally contracted transplant network, and is an active speaker and writer on women's health issues and patient advocacy.
Author, attorney, and speaker Amy Silverstein was a vibrant, energetic 24-year-old student when she learned she had a failing heart; suddenly, it was heart transplant or die. At 25, she underwent heart transplant surgery and, amazingly, her new heart beat strong for nearly three decades, despite a ten-year prognosis. A graduate of NYU School of Law (she finished her degree after her transplant), Silverstein practiced corporate law prior to beginning her writing career. She also served several years on the board of the United Network of Organ Sharing (UNOS), a federally contracted transplant network, and is an active speaker and writer on women's health issues and patient advocacy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 218 reviews
May 2, 2023
This book is a real page-turner and a fast read. I am not sure why it should be so compelling as the entire book is one long whine about having to have a heart transplant at 24 and the unremittingly dreadful ill-health for the next almost two decades.
Nevertheless, it provides much information on what it is really like to have a transplant. No, the transplantee is not as good-as-new after one and they never will be again. Silverstein makes a good point in saying that the older folks who have a transplant have had a long life and then a long sickness and are grateful for the extra years of better health, but that her heart disease struck her so young she never had a chance to build herself a life first.
I don't think her book-length whinge is unjustified and I think a lot of the bad reviews on Amazon are because that is more or less all we know of her: that her suffering has no end. She might have garnered more sympathy if her characterisation of the other people in the book, especially her husband, wasn't quite so one-dimensional. Reading it how she tells it, her husband is a saint and the appearance of halo and wings are expected momentarily.
Also he must be very well-off indeed as they live just around the corner from the Clintons in Westchester, NY. This kind of wealth, which I read about in an interview with her as she herself doesn't mention it, might be at the root of something that mystified me in the book.
It is well-known that adopting a baby is extremely difficult and time-consuming and there are many social security hoops to jump through including proving the suitability to be a parent in every way, personally, materially and emotionally. This is why so many people adopt from abroad and even that is a path fraught with bureaucracy and endless delays.
So how come she decides to adopt and despite having only a life-expectancy of two years (and her heart transplant was only expected to last 10 years) and being, as the book details, still very sick indeed, manage to get a newborn white American baby in what seems to be a year or less (it isn't detailed). Money? Is this germane to the story? I think so, being a mother is part of the reason she just doesn't give up and let herself die.
It is now 20 years since the transplant. The author qualified and practiced as a lawyer and then gave it up to be a writer. She now makes her living as a motivational speaker - her topic is her experience and organ transplants in general. From whine to inspiration is a long, internal journey. I'm glad she made it.
updated 2 May 2023
Nevertheless, it provides much information on what it is really like to have a transplant. No, the transplantee is not as good-as-new after one and they never will be again. Silverstein makes a good point in saying that the older folks who have a transplant have had a long life and then a long sickness and are grateful for the extra years of better health, but that her heart disease struck her so young she never had a chance to build herself a life first.
I don't think her book-length whinge is unjustified and I think a lot of the bad reviews on Amazon are because that is more or less all we know of her: that her suffering has no end. She might have garnered more sympathy if her characterisation of the other people in the book, especially her husband, wasn't quite so one-dimensional. Reading it how she tells it, her husband is a saint and the appearance of halo and wings are expected momentarily.
Also he must be very well-off indeed as they live just around the corner from the Clintons in Westchester, NY. This kind of wealth, which I read about in an interview with her as she herself doesn't mention it, might be at the root of something that mystified me in the book.
It is well-known that adopting a baby is extremely difficult and time-consuming and there are many social security hoops to jump through including proving the suitability to be a parent in every way, personally, materially and emotionally. This is why so many people adopt from abroad and even that is a path fraught with bureaucracy and endless delays.
So how come she decides to adopt and despite having only a life-expectancy of two years (and her heart transplant was only expected to last 10 years) and being, as the book details, still very sick indeed, manage to get a newborn white American baby in what seems to be a year or less (it isn't detailed). Money? Is this germane to the story? I think so, being a mother is part of the reason she just doesn't give up and let herself die.
It is now 20 years since the transplant. The author qualified and practiced as a lawyer and then gave it up to be a writer. She now makes her living as a motivational speaker - her topic is her experience and organ transplants in general. From whine to inspiration is a long, internal journey. I'm glad she made it.
updated 2 May 2023
March 31, 2010
So strong was my reaction to Silverstein’s memoir of her heart transplant, I had a morbid need to make sure she is still alive. She is, but in discovering this, I found online jerkwaddery of the worst sort. Silverstein is beyond a doubt the model heart transplant patient. The average amount of time allotted to a heart transplant recipient is around a decade and Silverstein is, by the timeline in the book, looking at year 21. She is a difficult woman and patient, in that she questions doctors’ advice, knowledge, intent and demeanor, but she also never misses the numerous pills she must take, she eats an exemplary diet, does not drink, and keeps herself in good physical condition by running. But she also makes no apology for her anger and at times irrational outbursts. She speaks openly of her odd and visceral reactions to something as mild as taking Prednisone. She does not hide her bafflement, her sadness and her unreasoning fury and I loved her for it.
But some walked away angry after reading this memoir of a woman showing her reality and rising above some of the worst pain and misery a person can endure. They said that because Silverstein expressed the frustration and pain that comes from being a transplant recipient, she might in some way discourage people from donating their organs. They thought she seemed too unappreciative. Evidently to be worthy of a heart transplant, doing everything to stay alive is not enough. Evidently one must be slavishly grateful to the point that one never expresses a negative thought. Who knew? I tell you what. I’m a donor and I want my organs, should I die and they be worth a dime, to go to someone like Silverstein, someone who may be irascible at times but willing to do whatever she must to make the most of my sacrifice. Read the whole review here.
But some walked away angry after reading this memoir of a woman showing her reality and rising above some of the worst pain and misery a person can endure. They said that because Silverstein expressed the frustration and pain that comes from being a transplant recipient, she might in some way discourage people from donating their organs. They thought she seemed too unappreciative. Evidently to be worthy of a heart transplant, doing everything to stay alive is not enough. Evidently one must be slavishly grateful to the point that one never expresses a negative thought. Who knew? I tell you what. I’m a donor and I want my organs, should I die and they be worth a dime, to go to someone like Silverstein, someone who may be irascible at times but willing to do whatever she must to make the most of my sacrifice. Read the whole review here.
July 14, 2008
Now that I've finished reading this book, I'm thinking this woman's story could have probably benefitted from a better editor. We'll never know, though, so I have to review it based on the book that exists.
As others have commented, the author is not particularly likeable. Here is one area I think an editor should have stepped in. The editor should have said "Amy, put in some stories from your early dates, where you and Scott fall in love. Put in some stories about you doing normal things before you got sick, or even after." But Amy never really explains what her friends see in her or why Scott, her long-suffering husband, loves her so much. She never really explains what she loves about Scott either, except that he is there for her through all her illnesses. Judging from reading this book, you would think their entire relationship was centered entirely on her health problems. It's such an odd book in this way.
What she endured was extraordinary and anyone who has been forced to suffer such a long serious of grueling, horrible ordeals would certainly deserve to indulge in a lot of self pity. And you might not be surprised at such a person becoming embittered as the ordeal goes on and on. But as others have commented, right from the beginning, before she even knows she has a heart problem, she is a perfect bitch to the medical professionals who are trying to do their jobs.
Each doctor, nurse, technician, etc is judged and condemned by Amy, often on the basis of his or her physical appearance. She rarely likes or respects the medical professionals. She is angry when they are too clinical and to-the-point with her. She is angry when they try to show sympathy and human warmth. She is super, super angry that doctors are human and don't know everything, especially in rare cases like hers. She describes coming to the realization that doctors aren't gods at several points in her journey. I kept thinking, "didn't she realize it that other time, too?" But their not being gods doesn't seem to get them off the hook for her. She still seems to bear them a huge amount of hostility.
Outside the medical establishment, in her regular life, she also doesn't seem to think anyone handles her condition properly. She is angry at people who pity her and she is angry at people who don't. She gets mad if people ask her questions about it and she gets mad if they don't.
She gives the impression, time and again, that if you don't get stricken with a catastrophic illness before you're 50, then your life is just nothing but a cakewalk and you can't possibly have a clue what it means to suffer.
I could go and on and on but will stop here. Other reviewers have spoken of the other problems with this book. The story itself is rather interesting, and I could appreciate an honest, not sugar-coated account, but the author and her angry, judgmental point of view make this not such a good read. Skip it.
As others have commented, the author is not particularly likeable. Here is one area I think an editor should have stepped in. The editor should have said "Amy, put in some stories from your early dates, where you and Scott fall in love. Put in some stories about you doing normal things before you got sick, or even after." But Amy never really explains what her friends see in her or why Scott, her long-suffering husband, loves her so much. She never really explains what she loves about Scott either, except that he is there for her through all her illnesses. Judging from reading this book, you would think their entire relationship was centered entirely on her health problems. It's such an odd book in this way.
What she endured was extraordinary and anyone who has been forced to suffer such a long serious of grueling, horrible ordeals would certainly deserve to indulge in a lot of self pity. And you might not be surprised at such a person becoming embittered as the ordeal goes on and on. But as others have commented, right from the beginning, before she even knows she has a heart problem, she is a perfect bitch to the medical professionals who are trying to do their jobs.
Each doctor, nurse, technician, etc is judged and condemned by Amy, often on the basis of his or her physical appearance. She rarely likes or respects the medical professionals. She is angry when they are too clinical and to-the-point with her. She is angry when they try to show sympathy and human warmth. She is super, super angry that doctors are human and don't know everything, especially in rare cases like hers. She describes coming to the realization that doctors aren't gods at several points in her journey. I kept thinking, "didn't she realize it that other time, too?" But their not being gods doesn't seem to get them off the hook for her. She still seems to bear them a huge amount of hostility.
Outside the medical establishment, in her regular life, she also doesn't seem to think anyone handles her condition properly. She is angry at people who pity her and she is angry at people who don't. She gets mad if people ask her questions about it and she gets mad if they don't.
She gives the impression, time and again, that if you don't get stricken with a catastrophic illness before you're 50, then your life is just nothing but a cakewalk and you can't possibly have a clue what it means to suffer.
I could go and on and on but will stop here. Other reviewers have spoken of the other problems with this book. The story itself is rather interesting, and I could appreciate an honest, not sugar-coated account, but the author and her angry, judgmental point of view make this not such a good read. Skip it.
August 20, 2008
I waited a while to read this book. It was too close, too personal and I had heard negative reviews. But I finally dove in and am very glad I did. Amy Silverstein is a heart transplant recipient. She has lived longer than most and far longer than expected with her donor heart. I, myself, am a transplant recipient having received a kidney and pancreas transplant almost four years ago.
Amy is honest and unflinching in her portrayal of the last 17 years since her transplant. She is raw, angry, grateful and ultimately a survivor. Amy tells it like it is and I feel she is a brave person to do so. Transplant is not a cure, it is trading one thing for another. In Amy's case the transplant has extended her life but has given her other physical hardships to overcome including the ever present possibility of rejection along with increased chance of cancer, infection and other myriad conditions that could lead to death.
I am glad Amy has survived to write this book. It validates the way I have felt at different times during the course of my chronic illness and post-transplant life. I have often felt ungrateful just because I might be having a bad day and needed to vent. However, everyone is entitled to feelings, even if they aren't popular or sunny and optimistic I really believe Amy has been a fighter and an optomistic person or she would not have survived so long. She has questioned her doctors and their choices. Doctors are not god and often do make mistakes at the cost of their patients. She has taken her meds as instructed, even when she didn't want to do so. She has seen others die and sometimes because they took a cavalier approach to their transplant.
I am doing well but every day I am reminded I oculd reject. I often feel an overwhelming amount of fear but somehow I am able to keep in under wraps. I don't lash out for the most part. But I haven't had some of the difficult complications that Amy has had. But I did take a lot from this book and will use it in my life.
Amy is honest and unflinching in her portrayal of the last 17 years since her transplant. She is raw, angry, grateful and ultimately a survivor. Amy tells it like it is and I feel she is a brave person to do so. Transplant is not a cure, it is trading one thing for another. In Amy's case the transplant has extended her life but has given her other physical hardships to overcome including the ever present possibility of rejection along with increased chance of cancer, infection and other myriad conditions that could lead to death.
I am glad Amy has survived to write this book. It validates the way I have felt at different times during the course of my chronic illness and post-transplant life. I have often felt ungrateful just because I might be having a bad day and needed to vent. However, everyone is entitled to feelings, even if they aren't popular or sunny and optimistic I really believe Amy has been a fighter and an optomistic person or she would not have survived so long. She has questioned her doctors and their choices. Doctors are not god and often do make mistakes at the cost of their patients. She has taken her meds as instructed, even when she didn't want to do so. She has seen others die and sometimes because they took a cavalier approach to their transplant.
I am doing well but every day I am reminded I oculd reject. I often feel an overwhelming amount of fear but somehow I am able to keep in under wraps. I don't lash out for the most part. But I haven't had some of the difficult complications that Amy has had. But I did take a lot from this book and will use it in my life.
December 26, 2019
i found this book quite amazing.
silverstein gets a heart transplant at the age of twenty-four. and this is where her story begins.
she tells of the aftermath of having a new heart in her body. the highs and lows of being on immunosuppresant medication for the remainder of her life.
i think silverstein's story is one that should be heard by any patient and doctor in america. and that would mean all of us. her candidness is something at which to marvel.
she makes the mistake of not making her friends and family aware of her trouble on her heavy medication and so the impression is her life dealing with her constant ailing health is easy. not so.
she holds several doctors on a pedestal and learns that this is not the way to practice being a patient. and so realizes that doctors are human and therefore fallible. an epiphany for some of us: doctors can make mistakes and may not know the answer.
just when silverstein thinks she can't handle what life has dished out to her, she continues to amaze herself at her will to live. she points out that each day she makes a choice: to stay alive. because her decisions matter so much on a daily basis if life will continue without trouble.
a must read.
silverstein gets a heart transplant at the age of twenty-four. and this is where her story begins.
she tells of the aftermath of having a new heart in her body. the highs and lows of being on immunosuppresant medication for the remainder of her life.
i think silverstein's story is one that should be heard by any patient and doctor in america. and that would mean all of us. her candidness is something at which to marvel.
she makes the mistake of not making her friends and family aware of her trouble on her heavy medication and so the impression is her life dealing with her constant ailing health is easy. not so.
she holds several doctors on a pedestal and learns that this is not the way to practice being a patient. and so realizes that doctors are human and therefore fallible. an epiphany for some of us: doctors can make mistakes and may not know the answer.
just when silverstein thinks she can't handle what life has dished out to her, she continues to amaze herself at her will to live. she points out that each day she makes a choice: to stay alive. because her decisions matter so much on a daily basis if life will continue without trouble.
a must read.
April 28, 2008
I was under the impression (from reading the back cover) that this is a woman who has become embittered over time. That 17 years of living with severe health problems has made her a "difficult patient." Not so. On her very first hospital stay she fights with the nurse who is trying to give her an IV and says "(expletive) you" to her. She started out a nasty woman, and I don't care to read any more about how she abuses her husband, father and step-mother, and punishes them for her misfortune. She feels no guilt over how she treats people who love her and the doctors and nurses who just want to help her. I felt like slapping her.
February 6, 2017
The book is reasonably well-written, but I had to give it only 2 stars because, well, the author is a self-absorbed, selfish, inconsiderate, rather unlikable person. Suffering through 300ish pages of her brattiness is enough to spur anyone on the book.
Upon hearing she is in CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE, Silverstein throws a hissy fit and refuses to take prednisone because it will make her a "fatso."
She is OBSESSED with appearances, getting hung up on a doctor's yellow teeth when he is trying to save her life.
She goes on an on about how "beautiful" "lovely" and "pretty" she was and no one would think she was sick because she was just soooooooo attractive.
She throws tantrums, yells and curses at health care professionals, refuses to abide by protocol, and generally makes a Nuisance of herself until she gets a transplant.
He long-suffering husband seems to be a saint, as he is 100% devoted to Silverstein and only occasionally loses patience with her, when she is treating someone badly.
Nothing makes Silverstein happy. She is resentful when people treat her like she's sick - she just wants to be normal, ok?! But she is also resentful when people treat her like a normal person - can't they see she's sick and how hard everything is for her?! How inconsiderate!
Clearly Silverstein has suffered through things that would make anyone angry, scared, resentful and unhappy. But she treats her loved ones, her friends, and her doctors horribly, and she does it consistently.
With only a 10-year projected lifespan, she decides to adopt a child with her husband. This, to me, seems the height of selfishness.
You adopt a child KNOWING that you will, in all likelihood, die before he enters middle school? How cruel to put a child through the loss of a parent. Luckily, at the time of the books publication, Silverstein had lived with her transplanted heart for 17 years, and she is still alive today.
After a lymphoma scare, Silverstein decides that she has had enough and she wants to stop taking all her meds, which have terrible side effects. This will, effectively, cause her to die. How selfish can you be to adopt a child and not do every thing in your power to live as long as you can for him?
When her doctor tries to talk her out of this, saying she has things to live for - her husband and son - Silverstein says she needs something to live for FOR HER. Apparently her loved ones aren't good enough. So her doctor lowers her meds and she becomes a writer.
Thankfully, for the sake of Silverstein's husband and son, she is still alive today.
Upon hearing she is in CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE, Silverstein throws a hissy fit and refuses to take prednisone because it will make her a "fatso."
She is OBSESSED with appearances, getting hung up on a doctor's yellow teeth when he is trying to save her life.
She goes on an on about how "beautiful" "lovely" and "pretty" she was and no one would think she was sick because she was just soooooooo attractive.
She throws tantrums, yells and curses at health care professionals, refuses to abide by protocol, and generally makes a Nuisance of herself until she gets a transplant.
He long-suffering husband seems to be a saint, as he is 100% devoted to Silverstein and only occasionally loses patience with her, when she is treating someone badly.
Nothing makes Silverstein happy. She is resentful when people treat her like she's sick - she just wants to be normal, ok?! But she is also resentful when people treat her like a normal person - can't they see she's sick and how hard everything is for her?! How inconsiderate!
Clearly Silverstein has suffered through things that would make anyone angry, scared, resentful and unhappy. But she treats her loved ones, her friends, and her doctors horribly, and she does it consistently.
With only a 10-year projected lifespan, she decides to adopt a child with her husband. This, to me, seems the height of selfishness.
You adopt a child KNOWING that you will, in all likelihood, die before he enters middle school? How cruel to put a child through the loss of a parent. Luckily, at the time of the books publication, Silverstein had lived with her transplanted heart for 17 years, and she is still alive today.
After a lymphoma scare, Silverstein decides that she has had enough and she wants to stop taking all her meds, which have terrible side effects. This will, effectively, cause her to die. How selfish can you be to adopt a child and not do every thing in your power to live as long as you can for him?
When her doctor tries to talk her out of this, saying she has things to live for - her husband and son - Silverstein says she needs something to live for FOR HER. Apparently her loved ones aren't good enough. So her doctor lowers her meds and she becomes a writer.
Thankfully, for the sake of Silverstein's husband and son, she is still alive today.
January 4, 2009
Maybe I was grumpy when I read this book. Maybe I was annoyed with the weather. Or maybe it was that this book, more than almost any other memoir I've read in a very long time, felt horribly self-indulgent. I don't know what it's like to go from thinking you're completely healthy to receiving a new heart in the span of eight months - it must be awful, and I'm sure that feeling of life spinning out of control, plus being really scared, contributed to her complete self-centeredness. But that doesn't mean that I had to like the way she told her story.
Perhaps a better editor would have helped her; at times I was distracted by basic things like sentence structure and some general punctuation errors. More to the point, though, a better editor could have helped her tease out a little more of the story of her - why her husband fell in love with her, why her best friend had stuck around since second grade, rather than allowing her to get away with constant, petty criticisms of her health care providers' physical attractiveness (hello, that doc is saving your life! Why does it matter that he has yellow teeth? And really, why do you feel that you're entitled to be such a complete bitch to everyone around you who's not your husband or son?).
Initially, I was excited to read this book; in the end, I raced through the last 50 pages just to get it over with.
Perhaps a better editor would have helped her; at times I was distracted by basic things like sentence structure and some general punctuation errors. More to the point, though, a better editor could have helped her tease out a little more of the story of her - why her husband fell in love with her, why her best friend had stuck around since second grade, rather than allowing her to get away with constant, petty criticisms of her health care providers' physical attractiveness (hello, that doc is saving your life! Why does it matter that he has yellow teeth? And really, why do you feel that you're entitled to be such a complete bitch to everyone around you who's not your husband or son?).
Initially, I was excited to read this book; in the end, I raced through the last 50 pages just to get it over with.
September 12, 2015
The writing was good. What a whiner. She was not an easy patient. Her husband was depicted as a saint. All couples fight. I think it would have been a little more realistic to see another side to their relationship.
August 18, 2009
Wow, what to say about this book?
As a human being I feel for the author and cannot imagine the hell she has been through. As a nurse it saddens me that she has received less than kind treatment from any of her clinicians. I am grateful to her that she is describing what she has gone through, as I think everyone in the medical field can use a reminder of how we are perceived from a patient's point of view. We forget how frightened, frustrated, and anxious our patients are and we can't afford to do that.
I do think that she is carrying some very unhealthy anger toward some of the people in her life. On one hand she tries to hide her illness from her loved ones, yet then gets upset that she's not pampered and congratulated for the things she does every day.
Also, she seemed (especially until she got the autopsy results on her heart) to really blame her doctors for her defective heart. I can understand that thinking for a few years, but to keep that up for 10+ years after transplant? Also, she expects that her doctors should know EVERYTHING about her condition and every disease/disorder/illness she might encounter. That is impossible and really absurd for her to expect.
So, for the tl;dr crowd: The book is *for sure* worth reading, but there will be times you want to scream at her.
As a human being I feel for the author and cannot imagine the hell she has been through. As a nurse it saddens me that she has received less than kind treatment from any of her clinicians. I am grateful to her that she is describing what she has gone through, as I think everyone in the medical field can use a reminder of how we are perceived from a patient's point of view. We forget how frightened, frustrated, and anxious our patients are and we can't afford to do that.
I do think that she is carrying some very unhealthy anger toward some of the people in her life. On one hand she tries to hide her illness from her loved ones, yet then gets upset that she's not pampered and congratulated for the things she does every day.
Also, she seemed (especially until she got the autopsy results on her heart) to really blame her doctors for her defective heart. I can understand that thinking for a few years, but to keep that up for 10+ years after transplant? Also, she expects that her doctors should know EVERYTHING about her condition and every disease/disorder/illness she might encounter. That is impossible and really absurd for her to expect.
So, for the tl;dr crowd: The book is *for sure* worth reading, but there will be times you want to scream at her.
May 27, 2012
A lot of people are complaining that Amy was not very sympathetic because she was rich and privileged, but it's difficult for anyone to be young and sick. I had cancer between the ages of 2-5 so I can barely remember it. It's horrible to be sick and actually remember every detail of it. Having money and a good education doesn't make her less sympathetic.
I had no idea what a person who has received a heart transplant goes through before reading this book. I knew they had to take immunosuppressants, but I had no idea about the side effects. It wasn't difficult for me to sympathize about Amy's plight. To know that her life turned upside down when she was in law school. To know that nearly everyone didn't understand that having a heart transplant did not mean going back to living a normal life.
I also adored her husband. If I must have a man I want a man like that. He was so sweet and understanding. So supportive and was always there for her. He didn't ditch her in her time of need. She was lucky to have him.
Basically this book is about a woman dealing with her own mortality. It's a difficult burden for anyone. I don't think I blame her for not being a sort of Tiny Tim character since this was her real life and she was being honest about how she felt and how she tried to hide how sick she really was.
I had no idea what a person who has received a heart transplant goes through before reading this book. I knew they had to take immunosuppressants, but I had no idea about the side effects. It wasn't difficult for me to sympathize about Amy's plight. To know that her life turned upside down when she was in law school. To know that nearly everyone didn't understand that having a heart transplant did not mean going back to living a normal life.
I also adored her husband. If I must have a man I want a man like that. He was so sweet and understanding. So supportive and was always there for her. He didn't ditch her in her time of need. She was lucky to have him.
Basically this book is about a woman dealing with her own mortality. It's a difficult burden for anyone. I don't think I blame her for not being a sort of Tiny Tim character since this was her real life and she was being honest about how she felt and how she tried to hide how sick she really was.
December 5, 2017
I love a good medical memoir. Bring me your pain and your gore, oh writer! However, while I delighted in the many interesting facts about the heart transplant process and the patient experience, I was disturbed by Silverstein's attitude. I can sympathize with "difficult" patients and with moments of self-pity triggered by medical diagnoses and treatment, but Silverstein is unbelievably negative, ungrateful, and even hateful.
It is a miracle that this woman has survived for over 17 years with a transplanted heart. Despite a saint of a husband, a child, supportive parents, and understanding friends, Silverstein alienates herself in her selfish, small world. She has adopted the identify of a victim and is unable to move past that identity.
Most people die while waiting for a transplanted heart that never arrives. Of the few lucky patients who receive that coveted healthy heart, the vast majority die of complications within five years. This book is void of any insight or of any information that will help other patients in a similar situation. Silverstein is appalling ungrateful for the medical technology, not to mention the physicians, that extended her life. Silverstein's seventeen years of life after her procedure are unheard of, but I do not hesitate to say that these extra years were wasted on her.
It is a miracle that this woman has survived for over 17 years with a transplanted heart. Despite a saint of a husband, a child, supportive parents, and understanding friends, Silverstein alienates herself in her selfish, small world. She has adopted the identify of a victim and is unable to move past that identity.
Most people die while waiting for a transplanted heart that never arrives. Of the few lucky patients who receive that coveted healthy heart, the vast majority die of complications within five years. This book is void of any insight or of any information that will help other patients in a similar situation. Silverstein is appalling ungrateful for the medical technology, not to mention the physicians, that extended her life. Silverstein's seventeen years of life after her procedure are unheard of, but I do not hesitate to say that these extra years were wasted on her.
January 8, 2018
One of my Russian literature professors said about a book "the protagonist does not have to be likeable, the protagonist has to be on a journey". I think a lot of people find Silverstein to be very unlikeable because most people haven't had to battle chronic illness and the very real possibility of death every day or know someone who has. She is tired, angry, and all the things you would expect of someone who has been through what she has, and I feel for her about that. I'm happy for her, but wondering also how much more tired, angry, and scared so many others are. Those for whom hopping on a flight to Boston to see a top cardiologist is not a financial option and wouldn't be covered by insurance anyway. There is not a single mention of insurance in this book, not one mention of any paperwork that had to be completed before seeing an out of network top specialist. No concerns about co-pays, deductibles, or the mountain of uninsured costs and I think it will be hard for most people to read without these issues popping up in the back of their minds. This is what probably makes people dislike her so much, that the barriers to her getting care were psychological, logistical, there was never a question raised in the book about money, it was ignored in a way that is only possible by people who have it.
December 29, 2008
I tried to empathize with this author regarding how horrible her life was after her heart transplant. I failed miserably. She was from a well to do family who was very suppportive, a husband who was a saint and she was able to adopt a son. She wanted to commit suicide even though she was well enough to run to keep in shape. Try walking in someone elses shoes... I understand the concept, yet as someone who works in the medical field and has worked with heart transplant patient it is a miracle. She comes across as very whiney.
June 20, 2018
Finally an honest portrayal of the difficult road of chronic illness. As a nurse and mother of a kidney recipient, I can tell you that most patients In Amy's situation are not the wonderful rays of sunshine they are frequently portrayed to be. They are scared, angry, and sometimes hard to be around. Their lives even after a successful transplant are dominated by nasty meds, constant medical tests and doctor visits. This book is an honest picture of that life.
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January 17, 2018I know that having health issues is very hard on the mind and soul as well as the body. As I read this book, I kept thinking, "Yes, but you are alive" and I had that thought many times. And that was just in the introduction/prologue. It sucks that she's had to go through this, and I know it's rough, but be thankful you are alive and able to see your child grow up. Not many people are that lucky.
January 27, 2016
I found this book by mistake. Walking through the non-fiction section of the library the cover jumped out at me. I really enjoyed it. I see there are a lot of negative reviews - particularly from medical professionals - but while I agree with their points, those aspects of the book that are being criticized are part of why I couldn't put it down.
The main medical story is fascinating and I learned a lot, but the author seems to feel that all of her problems are from being a heart transplant patient. Yes, it's obviously a monumental thing to deal with, but from almost the beginning of her story it's plain to see the author has serious emotional issues that have nothing to do with her heart.
Some spoilers if you read on -
A handful of times (maybe 3?) she briefly mentions her raging alcoholic mother and then quickly moves on as if it doesn't matter since she is no longer in her life. But it's obvious she's been affected by this upbringing, as anyone would.
Unlike her mother, her father is quite supportive and is in her life, and the book, a lot. In one scene she has just received some really bad news about her health problems and is crying and wailing in the back of a taxi with her father and step mother. Her father gets angry, and, without looking her in the face, yells that he doesn't have to put up with this and storms out of the taxi, with his wife shrugging her shoulders and following him, leaving the author crying by herself. The fact that this is the behavior of the good parent, the supportive one, probably speaks a lot about her childhood.
A lot of her behavior and attitudes in this book read very much like the story of someone who survived a dysfunctional, traumatizing childhood but it seems she doesn't realize this about herself.
Throughout the book she keeps insisting her problems are from being a "sick girl" but in the beginning of the story, before she is really sick, she is already arguing and yelling at medical professionals and refusing the doctor's advice. The very first time she is in the hospital (long before the idea of a heart transplant even comes up) she is told she needs an IV and responds by angrily swearing at the nurse and running out of the room.
The author also seems to feel that she is the only one who suffers in life. Of course she dismisses anyone without serious ailments but she also doesn't count people with serious ailments that aren't heart transplants. According to her, heart transplants are worse than anything else. But even so, she talks offhandedly about how people who are older who have had heart transplants just don't have it the same and don't understand her suffering (and she has a point that she explains well, but she still seems to dismiss them too easily). Even more telling, during the course of the book she mentions a few other young heart transplant patients she met and from the way she writes about them, it seems that she feels that even they don't compare to her. She is special and her suffering is unique in the world.
One theme that she brings up many times is that she doesn't want anyone else to know what she's going through, but then gets upset that no one else knows what she's going through. She does at least recognize that she is performing this martyr act, but doesn't seem to make any effort to change this pattern. One chapter in particular stood out. She goes on vacation with friends and keeps talking about how she "can't" tell them how she's feeling or what she needs, but then she talks about how sad and lonely she is because no one knows how she's feeling or what she needs. Her one friend does come to see how she is doing when she leaves the group to take a rest but instead of being appreciative, she gives the woman a guilt trip over how horrible she feels.
Finally, I actually laughed out loud when I noticed the black and white way she portrays people (another trait that is often common with some people with dysfunctional, invalidating childhoods). People seem to be either all good or all bad. Her husband is painted as an unrealistically perfect angel, but the contrast is most apparent in her descriptions of doctors. If she doesn't like a doctor then they're not only an idiot or a jerk or a coward, she even describes them physically as being in some way repulsive. When we met one doctor and she described his physical appearance in only good terms, I laughed and bet myself that he was going to be the good doctor of this story. I was right. While she does eventually come to see him in some shades of gray, he is obviously the good one in her mind (he's the one she thanked in the acknowledgments).
So yes, I really enjoyed this book but you have to understand that it's not simply an account of being a heart transplant patient. It's the story of a person who had a dysfunctional childhood too. It was a very interesting book with only minor editing complaints from me, but overall, it was a good look into this woman's mind.
The main medical story is fascinating and I learned a lot, but the author seems to feel that all of her problems are from being a heart transplant patient. Yes, it's obviously a monumental thing to deal with, but from almost the beginning of her story it's plain to see the author has serious emotional issues that have nothing to do with her heart.
Some spoilers if you read on -
A handful of times (maybe 3?) she briefly mentions her raging alcoholic mother and then quickly moves on as if it doesn't matter since she is no longer in her life. But it's obvious she's been affected by this upbringing, as anyone would.
Unlike her mother, her father is quite supportive and is in her life, and the book, a lot. In one scene she has just received some really bad news about her health problems and is crying and wailing in the back of a taxi with her father and step mother. Her father gets angry, and, without looking her in the face, yells that he doesn't have to put up with this and storms out of the taxi, with his wife shrugging her shoulders and following him, leaving the author crying by herself. The fact that this is the behavior of the good parent, the supportive one, probably speaks a lot about her childhood.
A lot of her behavior and attitudes in this book read very much like the story of someone who survived a dysfunctional, traumatizing childhood but it seems she doesn't realize this about herself.
Throughout the book she keeps insisting her problems are from being a "sick girl" but in the beginning of the story, before she is really sick, she is already arguing and yelling at medical professionals and refusing the doctor's advice. The very first time she is in the hospital (long before the idea of a heart transplant even comes up) she is told she needs an IV and responds by angrily swearing at the nurse and running out of the room.
The author also seems to feel that she is the only one who suffers in life. Of course she dismisses anyone without serious ailments but she also doesn't count people with serious ailments that aren't heart transplants. According to her, heart transplants are worse than anything else. But even so, she talks offhandedly about how people who are older who have had heart transplants just don't have it the same and don't understand her suffering (and she has a point that she explains well, but she still seems to dismiss them too easily). Even more telling, during the course of the book she mentions a few other young heart transplant patients she met and from the way she writes about them, it seems that she feels that even they don't compare to her. She is special and her suffering is unique in the world.
One theme that she brings up many times is that she doesn't want anyone else to know what she's going through, but then gets upset that no one else knows what she's going through. She does at least recognize that she is performing this martyr act, but doesn't seem to make any effort to change this pattern. One chapter in particular stood out. She goes on vacation with friends and keeps talking about how she "can't" tell them how she's feeling or what she needs, but then she talks about how sad and lonely she is because no one knows how she's feeling or what she needs. Her one friend does come to see how she is doing when she leaves the group to take a rest but instead of being appreciative, she gives the woman a guilt trip over how horrible she feels.
Finally, I actually laughed out loud when I noticed the black and white way she portrays people (another trait that is often common with some people with dysfunctional, invalidating childhoods). People seem to be either all good or all bad. Her husband is painted as an unrealistically perfect angel, but the contrast is most apparent in her descriptions of doctors. If she doesn't like a doctor then they're not only an idiot or a jerk or a coward, she even describes them physically as being in some way repulsive. When we met one doctor and she described his physical appearance in only good terms, I laughed and bet myself that he was going to be the good doctor of this story. I was right. While she does eventually come to see him in some shades of gray, he is obviously the good one in her mind (he's the one she thanked in the acknowledgments).
So yes, I really enjoyed this book but you have to understand that it's not simply an account of being a heart transplant patient. It's the story of a person who had a dysfunctional childhood too. It was a very interesting book with only minor editing complaints from me, but overall, it was a good look into this woman's mind.
July 31, 2019
I'm not sure what to say about this book or how to rate it really. While I empathize with a lot of Amy's struggles and feelings I found myself irritated with her a lot of the book. I get that everybody's different and we don't all necessarily handle situations the same way, but frequently throughout the book I found myself annoyed with her. I understand fear, anger, despair, hopelessness, self-pity, but I believe first and foremost in education and self-advocacy. Amy lashed out at her doctors for not having the answers to everything or not doing what she wanted, but didn't take any of the responsibility herself. Dr. Davis was away on vacation and therefore it was HIS fault she had an unnecessary surgery. Instead of rushing into an emergency surgery, perhaps get another doctor's opinion or two, ask questions, do your own independent research, take action and make things happen instead of being the one everything happens to. Instead of waiting 17 years and having to threaten suicide in order to change your medication dosage, speak candidly with your doctor and establish a conversation with them as equals. They may be the doctor and the expert in the field, but it's YOUR body and you're the expert of YOU. Insist on being represented and treated the way that you want, instead of carrying on like a child and acting like you have no say in the matter. Overall, I kind of empathized and sympathized with her trials and tribulations and was disgusted with her at the same time. I did like the ending of the book with it's somewhat sweet, hopeful tone. It's a difficult book for me to categorize, but I think while it may not be the best portrayal, it's important that books like these are out there. Even if it's a little hit and miss, it goes a long way towards greater understanding for everyone of what chronically ill people suffer and endure every day.
September 16, 2019
As someone who almost died at 19 from illness and when I relapsed, received a bone marrow transplant at 26-I thought "this book will be perfect for me." I love memoirs and the nitty gritty details of people's lives. And it makes me feel less alone when I read about others in similar situations. There were things Amy said that resonated with me. About being young and ill and ignoring symptoms bc of your naivete. People thinking you're fine if you fake it and even forgetting about you being sick. So for that I'll give it 2 stars.
I decided to stop reading at chapter 9. I find the author to be a brat. I know how she felt. Like her body betrayed her. Like an experiment, no longer a person.
But I *never* cursed at hospital staff or fought against blood draws like a child. I'd never be want to be the patient nurses talk shit about at the desk and dread being assigned to. They are there to help you, even if it sucks. If anything, I always treated them better than anyone else because they have more say and responsibility in your care than the doctors. I work in an ER as a secretary and if a patient behaved like that, I'd probably be asked to call security and/or get the supervisor.
The author talked about her cursing them out and being a difficult patient like she was proud of it. She's not even acknowledging "Yes, I behaved this way at the time bc I was young and terrified"...she sticks by her being abhorrent bc she almost died. I dunno, personally, that isn't an excuse to act like she did.
I decided to stop reading at chapter 9. I find the author to be a brat. I know how she felt. Like her body betrayed her. Like an experiment, no longer a person.
But I *never* cursed at hospital staff or fought against blood draws like a child. I'd never be want to be the patient nurses talk shit about at the desk and dread being assigned to. They are there to help you, even if it sucks. If anything, I always treated them better than anyone else because they have more say and responsibility in your care than the doctors. I work in an ER as a secretary and if a patient behaved like that, I'd probably be asked to call security and/or get the supervisor.
The author talked about her cursing them out and being a difficult patient like she was proud of it. She's not even acknowledging "Yes, I behaved this way at the time bc I was young and terrified"...she sticks by her being abhorrent bc she almost died. I dunno, personally, that isn't an excuse to act like she did.
August 12, 2017
I'm not sure I've ever read a book quite like this, nor have I ever known a person quite like this. The author had a heart transplant at age 24, seemingly out of nowhere, since she'd had a completely healthy life until that point. What was off-putting to me is the extreme level of self-indulgent whining throughout this memoir. Since I've never had a heart transplant myself, nor been close to anyone who has, I might have read this and come away thinking the author was well within her rights to whine her way through her life. But I couldn't ignore that she'd been whiny BEFORE the transplant. I was taken aback at the early descriptions of her behavior toward a nurse who was simply doing her job, ("F.... you!"). It just went on and on. Many times I nearly put this book down, but I continued thinking surely at some point, I will get to the part where the author becomes self-aware and grows as a person. But it doesn't happen. I'm still a bit in disbelief that this woman is as one-dimensional as she presents herself.
I've discovered that she has written a follow-up book, "The Glory Was, I Had Such Friends," and I've added that to my list of books to read. I'm hoping this book shows personal growth in the author. These friends make a few appearances in "Sick Girl", and I'll admit to thinking many times that surely such an annoying woman wouldn't have all these great friends. Perhaps this next book will help me understand that better.
I've discovered that she has written a follow-up book, "The Glory Was, I Had Such Friends," and I've added that to my list of books to read. I'm hoping this book shows personal growth in the author. These friends make a few appearances in "Sick Girl", and I'll admit to thinking many times that surely such an annoying woman wouldn't have all these great friends. Perhaps this next book will help me understand that better.
June 9, 2019
The amount of whining this woman did regarding the fact that a heart transplant saved her life and she went on to live 20 years on that transplanted heart (at the time of the writing of this book) is incredible. She is mean and petty to the doctors that save her life and do everything they can when she gets one of the infections that go along with the immune supressing drugs transplant patients have to take to live (and which she bitches about). She never seems to learn the lesson that medicine is as much an art as a science. Doctors do not know everything but most of them do their level best with the knowledge they are able to suss out (she is pissed when she finds out, long after she gets her transplant, that certain things that were unknown to her become known. Had she asked the right questions at the time of the transplant she might have gotten sooner but she didn't and therefore it was the doctors fault she didn't know). I did learn some interesting things about heart transplants and she does effectively destory the thought that have a transplant and everything just goes back to the way it was, but she is not a very sympathetic person and I finally just skipped ahead to finish the book and be done with listening to her wine.
She never seems to be grateful that her life was saved or to the doctors who did it. Sometimes she might say she is, but then she continues to complain and bitch about something else that a particular doctor might do. An unpleasant book.
She never seems to be grateful that her life was saved or to the doctors who did it. Sometimes she might say she is, but then she continues to complain and bitch about something else that a particular doctor might do. An unpleasant book.
August 11, 2009
Amy Silverstein does a thorough job of describing what it is like to live with a chronic illness. In a world of fast fixes, people have little time to understand that some of us never get well again, we just have a "new normal." This is something that interests me from a sociological standpoint - how we come to view (and hence to treat) people who can't or don't conform. Silverstein goes one step further in suggesting that she might stop fighting for her life; that the struggle just isn't worth it anymore. I think this was a very brave way to open the book, and added an element of truth.
Some drawbacks included her tendency to repeat herself, saying the same basic thing but in ten different ways. Also I wasn't very impressed with the childish fits in the hospital, but this was more a reflection of her character than of the book itself, and I admit to having no room to judge, not really.
If you are someone who is living with a chronic, life-altering illness (either in your own body or the body of a loved one) this book might be helpful in understanding your own situation, or at least being more empathetic to the full range of emotions of a person who is sick. You might be the only one who sees through the facade of "I'm doing fine, thanks."
Some drawbacks included her tendency to repeat herself, saying the same basic thing but in ten different ways. Also I wasn't very impressed with the childish fits in the hospital, but this was more a reflection of her character than of the book itself, and I admit to having no room to judge, not really.
If you are someone who is living with a chronic, life-altering illness (either in your own body or the body of a loved one) this book might be helpful in understanding your own situation, or at least being more empathetic to the full range of emotions of a person who is sick. You might be the only one who sees through the facade of "I'm doing fine, thanks."
April 30, 2008
HATED this book! It really should be called "My Pity Party." I picked it up at the library thinking it looked interesting: a 24-year old college student girl all the sudden gets really sick and finds herself needing a heart transplant. Her main concern - she doesn't want to be on Prednisone because it will make her look "puffy" (that's a side effect of the meds). Well hello, girl! There's more to life than what you look like! She is continually rude to her doctors and nurses. She is ungrateful. Now yes, I realize that this would be an AWFUL thing to go through - I cannot even comprehend this. However, I have had family members and other people around me in difficult situations with threatening health, and the last thing on their mind is "being puffy," rather, it's being alive that's first on their mind. I was not impressed by this book. It did not inspire or uplift. I was saddened by her ungratefulness. She wasn't even grateful to her donor. Oh, and I gave this book 2 stars, and FYI - I don't give 2 stars! That's my worst rating yet...
April 24, 2015
Oh, my god. I wanted to throw this book out the window.
I am a cardiothoracic ICU nurse. I am someone who would admit this patient, care for this patient immediately after she gets her heart surgery, and so forth.
I think this woman is a bitch. How dare she yell "F*ck you" at someone who simply came into her room to draw her blood.
I think she doesn't really understand that someone has to stop breathing, stop everything, and become nothing, for her to get her heart. It seems like it didn't mean to be like that to her. She doesn't seem to appreciate it. I mean, there are times when she does, but then she becomes greedy. I just hate how she treats everyone in her life: her physicians, her dad, her stepmother, her nurses, her husband.
She never says thank you to her husband in this book. Not in the credits, which I think was insulting.
This woman is mean, and it seems like she was mean before she developed this downward spiral.
I am a cardiothoracic ICU nurse. I am someone who would admit this patient, care for this patient immediately after she gets her heart surgery, and so forth.
I think this woman is a bitch. How dare she yell "F*ck you" at someone who simply came into her room to draw her blood.
I think she doesn't really understand that someone has to stop breathing, stop everything, and become nothing, for her to get her heart. It seems like it didn't mean to be like that to her. She doesn't seem to appreciate it. I mean, there are times when she does, but then she becomes greedy. I just hate how she treats everyone in her life: her physicians, her dad, her stepmother, her nurses, her husband.
She never says thank you to her husband in this book. Not in the credits, which I think was insulting.
This woman is mean, and it seems like she was mean before she developed this downward spiral.
August 14, 2017
I absolutely loved and hated this book almost equally. How is that possible you say? I am a survivor of many (6) at this reading open heart surgeries, and I loved Amy's telling of her story and how some parts I had to turn away from the book because it was so similar to my own story. There is a scene in the story where Amy is standing in the shower looking at her newly closed chest in the mirror and all the bruising that comes with it, as I read it I remember how often that has happened to me. Amy is brave beyond her years and every emotion in this book is so true some of her words hit me like a bad memory. I can't wait to read her second book.
February 11, 2009
If you like whiney, ungrateful attitudes then this is the book for you! I tried really, really hard to have empathy for her but she was just so bitter about her circumstances that it became hard to read. I mean of course you feel badly because she had a heart transplant at a young age but you would think she would feel gratitude for surviving... I kept waiting for that moment where she would realize she was lucky to be alive and it never happened.
Im glad I read it because I learned alot from a medical standpoint but other than that, I wouldnt recommend.
Im glad I read it because I learned alot from a medical standpoint but other than that, I wouldnt recommend.
January 14, 2016
Having had 2 kidney transplants, the first one at age 23, I could totally relate to a lot of the situations Amy went through. Some chapters brought back feelings that I thought had been long suppressed. I dog eared so many pages of the library copy that I asked for my own copy for Christmas (and received it).
This book was written very honestly and spoke straight to my heart (and my thoughts). I will reread this book many, many times and remember that I am NOT alone in my transplant experiences!
This book was written very honestly and spoke straight to my heart (and my thoughts). I will reread this book many, many times and remember that I am NOT alone in my transplant experiences!
January 3, 2015
Oh wow. This was incredible - an autobiography of what it was like to have had heart "trouble" leading to a transplant at 25, and beating the 10-year survival odds. The cover bills it as sort of like Girl, Interrupted but it's so much better.
One caveat: do not read this unless your heart rate is normal. If you've been exercising, or get startled while reading, it's very difficult to not get very, very nervous!
One caveat: do not read this unless your heart rate is normal. If you've been exercising, or get startled while reading, it's very difficult to not get very, very nervous!
March 16, 2009
I may not finish this. Makes me uncomfortable in wrong ways, like exploitative violence does. Maybe if she weren't such a brat, I'd give her more leeway. I might just have to finish it in order to see if she gets over herself, but doesn't seem likely.
August 2, 2017
I really tried to be sympathetic but couldn't quite get there. I understand how difficult this must have been for her, but treating everyone with such disrespect and nastiness just showed her to be a spoiled brat.
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