Stop Arguing with Your Kids: How to Win the Battle of Wills by Making Your Children Feel Heard

by Michael P. Nichols

For parents fed up with constant challenges to their authority-but who dread becoming tyrants in their own homes-this book provides a powerful new alternative to "because I said so." Trusted family therapist and author Michael P. Nichols takes on the number-one problem of parents today with the insight and humor that has made his earlier The Lost Art of Listening an enduring bestseller. Presented is a simple, easy-to-follow, yet remarkably effective way to put an end to arguments by refusing to argue back. Instead, the techniques of responsive listening help parents open up better communication in the family; create an atmosphere of respect and cooperation; and take children's feelings into account-without giving in to their demands. Loads of realistic examples help parents defuse whining and defiance and manage common conflicts with preschoolers to teens.

Genres: Parenting

229 pages, Paperback

First published March 3, 2004

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Reviews

[Yousif Al Zeera · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book puts forward a parenting philosophy based on 'responsive listening', as termed by the author - which is the authentic/genuine type of listening with serious interest and attention given to the children's opinions/feelings without giving them that prompt commentary of the 'corrective' type like most parents do (even if it was in the nicest ways). Giving such quick correction signals you have not been listening adequately to their feelings (i.e. not empathetic enough).

It largely advocates for this kind of listening throughout the book but emphasizing that it does not mean accepting their opinion/protest/idea. In other words, 'responsive listening' is distinct of 'accepting', 'accommodating' or 'compromising'. It just means children also need the comfort of knowing that their feelings have been adequately listened to and their opinions seriously considered. They will be more cooperative to your system of doing things if responsive listening was consistently practiced. I guess this is not a very new idea - and even elder people are generally more cooperative if they have been listened too. But it remains easily said than done.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave me a lot of food for thought. I'm implementing the strategies this week and it's not ending all arguments (of course) but I'm a lot more aware of what my kids are feeling and it certainly helps me stay calm and worry less about "being disrespected" than previously. Something I've heard before and this book hits home: they are kids for a few years, but my relationship with them is lifelong. What do I want that relationship to be?

[Polly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars. This book is my favorite parenting book.
Systems therories explained.
Methods well researched.
Practice of 'responsive listening' proves to be most empathetic and thereby most effective.
Beyond 'active listening.'
Valuable resource that I have read and will read over and over.

[Whanau Whittaker]

readable, practical, helpful >> responsive listening. Listening for the feelings and the request.

[Natanya Epstein · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interestingly, I learned things about my dad from reading this book.