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Older Man Younger Man: A Love Story
"Older Man/Younger Man" is a memoir of the relationship between a middle-aged man and a man thirty years his junior, from their first meeting, through the challenges of living together across a wide age-gap, to a climactic confession of shame and regret, the terror of loss from a life-threatening disease—and, ultimately, the triumph of love. This is a passionate, bittersweet story of a powerful love that transcends gender, bridges generations, defies convention, and brings to the partners the richness of spiritual fulfillment.
The relationship between an older man and a younger man is one of the last taboos left in our culture's sexual closet. "Older Man/Younger Man" is the first book to address an inter-generational gay male relationship as a path of spiritual redemption.
What makes this book unique and special is its presentation of the pairing between an older man and a much younger man as a healthy, successful relationship and as a spiritual journey.
The relationship between an older man and a younger man is one of the last taboos left in our culture's sexual closet. "Older Man/Younger Man" is the first book to address an inter-generational gay male relationship as a path of spiritual redemption.
What makes this book unique and special is its presentation of the pairing between an older man and a much younger man as a healthy, successful relationship and as a spiritual journey.
312 pages, Paperback
First published August 30, 2011
30 people are currently reading
179 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
October 12, 2011
Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story is a book for everyone. Don't make the mistake of seeing it as gay genre, although it is an amazingly beautiful love story about two men. It is this, and so much more. Women will LOVE this story. Straight men will find the story provocative and thought-provoking. This book is a book about the state of being a human being; of being someone who loves and gives and wants to be loved.
Once a Catholic monk, Joseph Dispenza leaves the order to find his true nature and his true calling, which is being loving, and healing, to himself and others. He must first overcome the residual shame of leaving the Catholic church and of growing up gay in the mid-1950s. There are few of us who do not struggle with similar issues, and Joseph shares this journey with us with a touch as exquisite as a Michelangelo brush stroke.
And that is the real joy of reading this book. It is written by a master writer, who will keep you with him on this wonderful read. Be careful of the time of day you start reading it--you could be up all night!
Eva Hunter
author, "The Lord of the Dolls"
work in progress: "A Little Mormon Girl."
Once a Catholic monk, Joseph Dispenza leaves the order to find his true nature and his true calling, which is being loving, and healing, to himself and others. He must first overcome the residual shame of leaving the Catholic church and of growing up gay in the mid-1950s. There are few of us who do not struggle with similar issues, and Joseph shares this journey with us with a touch as exquisite as a Michelangelo brush stroke.
And that is the real joy of reading this book. It is written by a master writer, who will keep you with him on this wonderful read. Be careful of the time of day you start reading it--you could be up all night!
Eva Hunter
author, "The Lord of the Dolls"
work in progress: "A Little Mormon Girl."
January 9, 2012
Some words that come to mind when I think about Older Man Younger Man: A Love Story: Honest, Touching, Revealing, Genuine, Empowering. This book is all of these things and so much more.
Older Man Younger Man is nothing less than a compelling, honest and heartstring tugging love story. One of the greatest things about Dispenza’s style in this book is that you don’t feel like whom it is matters. There is no unnecessary flaunting of the fact that this is a homosexual relationship – it is a love story! The idea of a May-December romance is the key here. You see the relationship from both the older man and the younger man’s perspective. You feel what they feel, smile when they smile and cry when they cry. The author takes a personal memoir and not only relates it to the reader successfully but carves out a touching story of love, compassion and loyalty.
At the end of this book, you feel like you read a spirited and entertaining relationship novel. It has all the elements you’d expect and delivers them in a way that will make you want to read it all again. Great book!
Older Man Younger Man is nothing less than a compelling, honest and heartstring tugging love story. One of the greatest things about Dispenza’s style in this book is that you don’t feel like whom it is matters. There is no unnecessary flaunting of the fact that this is a homosexual relationship – it is a love story! The idea of a May-December romance is the key here. You see the relationship from both the older man and the younger man’s perspective. You feel what they feel, smile when they smile and cry when they cry. The author takes a personal memoir and not only relates it to the reader successfully but carves out a touching story of love, compassion and loyalty.
At the end of this book, you feel like you read a spirited and entertaining relationship novel. It has all the elements you’d expect and delivers them in a way that will make you want to read it all again. Great book!
August 23, 2012
Non-fiction memoirs aren't always my favorite choice, because they're often spare on the dreamy, poetic language that I appreciate. But Older Man/Younger Man is a bit of a compilation of 3 stories and 2 distinctly different writing styles.
I'll break down the 3 stories. 1) Joseph's life before Michael and the beginning of his relationship with Michael. 2) The recent past/present of Joseph and Michael's relationship. 3) The mystical, through-the-ages-concept that soul-mates have known one another over the course of many realms and many lifetimes.
It was the mystical, magical love concept that really gripped me in this book, the way Joseph describes with love and a gentle gratefulness that he is being allowed the experience of this full-filling romantic partnership, a partnership he has longed for all his life. These sections shine with joy and awe and read like beautiful poetry.
I'll break down the 3 stories. 1) Joseph's life before Michael and the beginning of his relationship with Michael. 2) The recent past/present of Joseph and Michael's relationship. 3) The mystical, through-the-ages-concept that soul-mates have known one another over the course of many realms and many lifetimes.
It was the mystical, magical love concept that really gripped me in this book, the way Joseph describes with love and a gentle gratefulness that he is being allowed the experience of this full-filling romantic partnership, a partnership he has longed for all his life. These sections shine with joy and awe and read like beautiful poetry.
February 20, 2012
This book is a memoir. This is one man's story from his point of view. A unique personal view. This story transcends time and space and gender. Dispenza does shares points in his life that are unique for a gay man but most of this story is a universal love story. Dispenza vividly recalls his life's ups and downs and records them for us to read and experience right along with him. Though I might not have the same story, I can relate to many of the same fears and tribulations Dispenza shared.
Older Man/Younger Man is a very well written tale. From the start of his story, Dispenza offers a vision of Pan in the forest. In my mind, I feel Dispenza relates to Pan as a gruff creature forever chasing youth and beauty. In Dispenza's final words, he again returns to the image of Pan in the forest as a god among many as the world is reborn. Dispenza's words are well planned and powerful. His allusions to others works, other times and other gods are amazing. Dispenza is a very talented writer.
Older Man/Younger Man a beautiful story of love overcoming a myriad of taboos. He himself eventually overcomes an innate shame that trails him from the very beginning of his life. This is a story about victory, love and finding peace.
Older Man/Younger Man is a very well written tale. From the start of his story, Dispenza offers a vision of Pan in the forest. In my mind, I feel Dispenza relates to Pan as a gruff creature forever chasing youth and beauty. In Dispenza's final words, he again returns to the image of Pan in the forest as a god among many as the world is reborn. Dispenza's words are well planned and powerful. His allusions to others works, other times and other gods are amazing. Dispenza is a very talented writer.
Older Man/Younger Man a beautiful story of love overcoming a myriad of taboos. He himself eventually overcomes an innate shame that trails him from the very beginning of his life. This is a story about victory, love and finding peace.
October 2, 2014
Aloha.
I have just finished this book. I couldn't put it down. What an extraordinary story of deep love and beauty. I loved the way it was written in the two time periods and they were brought together by the author.
What a journey he and his husband Mike have been on. This is probably one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.
I loved hearing about their healing processes and watching the emotional medicine of it unfold with each of them. I felt relief when they finally used progressive integrative medicine to heal and be well.
This book has so many layers to it for me. The deep respectful kind love for each other. The journey they took. The unfolding for both of them of facing their fears and living as whole people with each other. Wow. I'm just blown away by this book. It will stay with me for a long time.
Very beautiful. Thank you Joseph for sharing your story. It was recommended by someone in a group I'm in. Just fabulous.
Aloha Meg Amor
I have just finished this book. I couldn't put it down. What an extraordinary story of deep love and beauty. I loved the way it was written in the two time periods and they were brought together by the author.
What a journey he and his husband Mike have been on. This is probably one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.
I loved hearing about their healing processes and watching the emotional medicine of it unfold with each of them. I felt relief when they finally used progressive integrative medicine to heal and be well.
This book has so many layers to it for me. The deep respectful kind love for each other. The journey they took. The unfolding for both of them of facing their fears and living as whole people with each other. Wow. I'm just blown away by this book. It will stay with me for a long time.
Very beautiful. Thank you Joseph for sharing your story. It was recommended by someone in a group I'm in. Just fabulous.
Aloha Meg Amor
June 14, 2013
This is one of the most heart-warming stories I have ever read.
It's really focus on romance and the meaning of true love, and that it doesn't matter how old you are love is love.
This a book you must read.
It's really focus on romance and the meaning of true love, and that it doesn't matter how old you are love is love.
This a book you must read.
June 25, 2023
Bravo for those who live their luv
A very good read. I am CIA woman of color who read the book looking for the answer to questions I was seeing around me. I was very pleased with the writers answers. His soulful and honest approach was enlightening and loving. It made me appreciate and understand something that I had just blindly accepted all my life as ' a thing'.
A very good read. I am CIA woman of color who read the book looking for the answer to questions I was seeing around me. I was very pleased with the writers answers. His soulful and honest approach was enlightening and loving. It made me appreciate and understand something that I had just blindly accepted all my life as ' a thing'.
November 9, 2011
Author Joseph Dispenza’s candid memoir, "Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story," invites the reader to witness first-hand the emotional and spiritual journey of his relationship with Dr. Mike Herbert, a man thirty years his junior.
Dispenza is a spiritual counselor who has written several books on the subject of personal growth and wellness. As a younger man, the author spent eight years in a monastery as a Catholic monk, an experience that helped shape and alter his perception of his place in the world for several decades thereafter. Together, he and Mike co-founded LifePath, a healing and retreat center, located in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.
The author documents, in arguably extraneous detail, a timeline of events as he travels down a long and arduous road of self-discovery. His narrative flashes back and forth in time between April 2009, when he began to write this memoir from the confines of a Mexican monastery, and a decade ago, when he first becomes acquainted with Mike at a Vegas restaurant. The chapters are supplemented by inspirational essays written for Mike, influenced by the author’s memories and dreams, as well as historical and mythological imagery.
Aside from the routine challenges one would expect to arise within a relationship between two men born three decades apart, the couple is also weighed down, physically and emotionally, with health issues, including hepatitis, depression, seizures and a brush with prostate cancer. Furthermore, they uproot their lives to embark upon a naturopathic business venture in another country.
There’s no denying Joseph and Mike’s story is compelling. The author’s highly descriptive account contains both captivating and unwarranted developments--his vivid characterization of old Santa Fe could have doubled as a travel guide, but I didn’t need to be reminded of his prostate with what reads like a transcript of bathroom visits.
What’s perhaps most interesting, considering the book’s title, is the fact that their age difference is practically secondary to the story, which may have been the author’s intention, and rightly so. Granted, it is cause for a few bumps along the way, mostly within family or social situations, but never seen as an obstacle they can’t overcome.
I applaud the author for writing this honest, brave memoir. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of his writing style, which is almost epistolary, but those who welcome the invitation to share in a man’s retelling of his most intimate, private experiences will be especially pleased. At its core, it’s a wonderful love story.
Dispenza is a spiritual counselor who has written several books on the subject of personal growth and wellness. As a younger man, the author spent eight years in a monastery as a Catholic monk, an experience that helped shape and alter his perception of his place in the world for several decades thereafter. Together, he and Mike co-founded LifePath, a healing and retreat center, located in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.
The author documents, in arguably extraneous detail, a timeline of events as he travels down a long and arduous road of self-discovery. His narrative flashes back and forth in time between April 2009, when he began to write this memoir from the confines of a Mexican monastery, and a decade ago, when he first becomes acquainted with Mike at a Vegas restaurant. The chapters are supplemented by inspirational essays written for Mike, influenced by the author’s memories and dreams, as well as historical and mythological imagery.
Aside from the routine challenges one would expect to arise within a relationship between two men born three decades apart, the couple is also weighed down, physically and emotionally, with health issues, including hepatitis, depression, seizures and a brush with prostate cancer. Furthermore, they uproot their lives to embark upon a naturopathic business venture in another country.
There’s no denying Joseph and Mike’s story is compelling. The author’s highly descriptive account contains both captivating and unwarranted developments--his vivid characterization of old Santa Fe could have doubled as a travel guide, but I didn’t need to be reminded of his prostate with what reads like a transcript of bathroom visits.
What’s perhaps most interesting, considering the book’s title, is the fact that their age difference is practically secondary to the story, which may have been the author’s intention, and rightly so. Granted, it is cause for a few bumps along the way, mostly within family or social situations, but never seen as an obstacle they can’t overcome.
I applaud the author for writing this honest, brave memoir. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of his writing style, which is almost epistolary, but those who welcome the invitation to share in a man’s retelling of his most intimate, private experiences will be especially pleased. At its core, it’s a wonderful love story.
March 15, 2012
"Have you ever been properly in love?" CNN host Piers Morgan's question is being asked quite often these days. Yet, to answer the question... properly, one may first have to define "proper love."
It sounds funny, right? But the few lucky enough to experience it may agree that proper love can be the kind that conquers all. Is that possible? Just ask author Joseph Dispenza.
Love is the protagonist in his memoir, Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story, which recounts the author's relationship with a man thirty years his junior. Older Man/Younger Man is a candid, compelling story of self-discovery and coming out to oneself and the world, in which elements defining us as human beings capable of love take center stage--weaknesses and fears, courage, self-doubt and self-acceptance, trust and honesty, and also hope.
Love--the kind Dispenza portrays in his latest book--is a multidimensional love that, indeed, wins the strength to conquer all, while (or maybe because) it defies society norms, redefining them. It's the kind of love that transcends time, but is it strong enough to survive it?
Time--or lack thereof--has a multilayered symbolism, intrinsic to Older Man/Younger Man's story and, by extension, to any journey through life and love, as part of life. In Older Man/Younger Man time defines the characters' intergenerational relationship and also a present (time) brave enough to adjust society's views to allowing relationships once considered unconventional (be that based on age or gender) become conventional.
Maybe the main characteristic of time is defined by the limits it imposes on our physical existence. The threat of this realization weaves through the story of Older Man/Younger Man, amplified by a life-threatening disease that touches one of the characters.
Yet, facing mortality enriches true, "proper" love, giving it the strength to conquer all. That strength and other attributes shine through in Older Man/Younger Man, a touching story and profound lesson in the surprises of life and power of love.
Note: This review was originally published by A&U Magazine--America's AIDS Magazine (www.aumag.org) and then reposted on my blog, alinaoswald.blogspot.com
June 25, 2012
Older Man Younger Man was a free download from Amazon.
It is a journey on its own, it´s a mix of philosophy, spiritual search, religion, sexual identity.
I have to be honest and say that I skipped parts, at points was slow but always very insightful.
I marked as non-fiction, the author speaks of his life, as a healer and as a spiritual advisor.
After I finished reading the book I went searching for the Life Path website.
The book is about the Older Man, Joseph who falls in love with a Younger Man, Mike; almost 30 years his junior.
The book tells the story of their relationship and the ups and downs they go through over those 10 years together.
Joseph coming out, facing the fact that he is in a relationship that it is socially unacceptable, not just because of the same sex but because of the age difference.
Illness, both Joseph and Mike suffer and how they make them stronger as individuals and as a couple.
Challenges, changes in life, fears.
Everything they face in their day to day as they embark on their new life as healers and spiritual advisors in Mexico.
I don’t know if the book is propaganda for the Life Path retreat house, it doesn´t feel that way. But like I said the first thing I did was check out the website.
It just felt like I wanted to go and visit, experience that peace.
I had no idea the work was about the author’s real life and experiences, and that makes it all the more interesting.
It is a journey on its own, it´s a mix of philosophy, spiritual search, religion, sexual identity.
I have to be honest and say that I skipped parts, at points was slow but always very insightful.
I marked as non-fiction, the author speaks of his life, as a healer and as a spiritual advisor.
After I finished reading the book I went searching for the Life Path website.
The book is about the Older Man, Joseph who falls in love with a Younger Man, Mike; almost 30 years his junior.
The book tells the story of their relationship and the ups and downs they go through over those 10 years together.
Joseph coming out, facing the fact that he is in a relationship that it is socially unacceptable, not just because of the same sex but because of the age difference.
Illness, both Joseph and Mike suffer and how they make them stronger as individuals and as a couple.
Challenges, changes in life, fears.
Everything they face in their day to day as they embark on their new life as healers and spiritual advisors in Mexico.
I don’t know if the book is propaganda for the Life Path retreat house, it doesn´t feel that way. But like I said the first thing I did was check out the website.
It just felt like I wanted to go and visit, experience that peace.
I had no idea the work was about the author’s real life and experiences, and that makes it all the more interesting.
September 25, 2012
My full review on Literary Inklings
his is, in all, a brave work not just in the context of the unconventionalities of the relationship, but in the selflessly honest voice with which Joseph welcomes the reader into the most personal part of himself. I was moved and endeared to the author by his courage in documenting what is surely the most intimate part of anyone’s life: one’s spirituality, sexuality, the acceptance and beauty of age, and the determined pursuit of happiness. When you take away all the layers, these are the most relatable, most human elements we have to share, and in such a way the most private. With Older Man/Younger Man, Joseph puts forward these private, utterly human parts of himself in order to share his story and inspire his readers to let the magic of love open their minds as well as their hearts. Read more...
his is, in all, a brave work not just in the context of the unconventionalities of the relationship, but in the selflessly honest voice with which Joseph welcomes the reader into the most personal part of himself. I was moved and endeared to the author by his courage in documenting what is surely the most intimate part of anyone’s life: one’s spirituality, sexuality, the acceptance and beauty of age, and the determined pursuit of happiness. When you take away all the layers, these are the most relatable, most human elements we have to share, and in such a way the most private. With Older Man/Younger Man, Joseph puts forward these private, utterly human parts of himself in order to share his story and inspire his readers to let the magic of love open their minds as well as their hearts. Read more...
December 10, 2013
I thoroughly enjoyed this, following the track of a man when he was young, hiding from his sexuality, interspersed with his later life with a male partner. I felt this book made the genders in question unimportant, these were trials and worries, candidly laid out on the page before me, that we can all suffer.
In the relationship there were ups and downs, trials, triumphs, and a good deal of worry, no different t any other couple. The spirituality side at first threw me, but I felt by the end of the book that on some level it resonated with something in me and I understood it
A beautiful love story. What more needs to be said?
In the relationship there were ups and downs, trials, triumphs, and a good deal of worry, no different t any other couple. The spirituality side at first threw me, but I felt by the end of the book that on some level it resonated with something in me and I understood it
A beautiful love story. What more needs to be said?
October 15, 2011
A finely-crafted and poignant love story, and much more. Dispenza artfully looks at the mechanics of all relationships through the lens of his personal story: the trust, the doubts, the role and baggage of our personal histories, the insecurities and challenges that make our need to connect both human and flawed and necessary. As the reader follows the chronology of Dispenza's romance with a younger man, we are led into the archetypal, exploring the threads that weave our stories and connections across time and space.
June 2, 2014
A pretty decent story. It portrays a real may-december relationship. 30-year age difference which is unsual and odd. Apparently, the relationship works for them. They have been together with each other for ten years. Both of them have some medical/health problems and help each other in that area. Using natural medicine instead of medical treatment did not make any sense to me. Also, it was very difficult for me to understand reasons(why) they have been attracted to each other in the first place expect for the fact that the older guy in the book like (or liked) younger guys all his life.
January 12, 2015
I liked it, just wasn't in the mood to read all of it. The emotional parts of the Older Man, his entries in an imaginary diary where just not for me at that moment, but this is a book I will get back to, to read it from front to back with everything within. Very sweet, very guilt ridden considering of the time it is set in. Amazing interaction between the MCs.
April 17, 2014
Lovely. No sexual details, just a love story between two men who are thirty years apart. A reality story for our time...I loved it. I love it for it's real emotions and work that goes into a relationship and how the author shares his fears and dreams.
November 1, 2014
A wonderful book. I enjoyed it.
May 24, 2012
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