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Unknown Binding
First published April 17, 2007
What are you, life? A silent theater of Chinese shadows, chain of dreams, a charlatan's store? Or a gift of unrequited love—that’s all that is intended for me? What about happiness? What is happiness? Ingrate, you're alive, you weep love strive fall and that's not enough? What? ... Not enough? Oh, is that so? There isn't anything else.
After all, her soul was growing richer as the years passed., she experienced and understood her own being with ever greater subtlety, and on autumn evenings she felt more and more self-pity; there was no one to whom she could give herself- she, so slim and black-browed.
And in the heights above everything stretched the world of grownups—noisy, droning high overhead like pines in foul weather. Grownups: large warm pillars, reliable, eternal columns that held out glasses of milk and offered trays of latticed blueberry pie, that ran out with prickly wool sweaters in their outstretched hands and got down on their knees to fasten small dusty sandals.
And then something broke, something went wrong. The kaleidoscope—and everything in it—shattered: a handful of dull glass shards, bits of cardboard, and strips of fiery, crimson-backed mirror. The world began to dwindle and wither, the grass receded, the ceiling lowered, borders started to show through, the delightful games were forgotten. The evening fog, the wolves and the forest, it turned out, were painted on canvas carelessly tacked on wood stretchers that leaned against the cold wall. Grownups broke all the rules and died: Father was crossed out by the red line of war, Mother shriveled and extinguished; their faces dissolved in a tremulous netting of rain. The only one to dig in, hold on, the only one to stay—was Grandmother. And like a barrier, like Baba Yaga’s pike fence, impenetrable, pitch-black adolescence rose up in front of Natasha: twisted dead-ends, shameful thoughts, revolting conjectures.
The sky was silent, the earth died. Slushy rains fell for centuries.