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Dirty Minds: How Our Brains Influence Love, Sex, and Relationships
Why does love make us so crazy? This is a lively and funny examination of the big questions about love and sex from the perspective of the latest brain science.
Philosophers, theologians, artists, and boy bands have waxed poetic about the nature of love for centuries. But what does the brain have to say about the way we carry our hearts? As technology advances to allow us more focused examination of the intricate dance our brains do with our environment, we can use science to shed new light on humanity’s oldest question, “What is this thing called love?”
In each chapter of this lively, edgy adventure through the romantic brain, Kayt Sukel dives into the latest neuroscientific research concerning love and sex (even getting her brain scanned while having an orgasm) and what it really means for the way we approach our relationships. Dirty Minds asks age-old questions such What parts of the brain are involved with love? Is there really a “seven-year itch”? Why do good girls like bad boys? Is monogamy practical? How thin is that line between love and hate? Do mothers have a stronger bond with children than their fathers do? How do our childhood experiences affect our emotional control and who is at risk for love addiction? Yet this book offers an entirely fresh approach, explaining all the ways the brain can make or break us in love.
Philosophers, theologians, artists, and boy bands have waxed poetic about the nature of love for centuries. But what does the brain have to say about the way we carry our hearts? As technology advances to allow us more focused examination of the intricate dance our brains do with our environment, we can use science to shed new light on humanity’s oldest question, “What is this thing called love?”
In each chapter of this lively, edgy adventure through the romantic brain, Kayt Sukel dives into the latest neuroscientific research concerning love and sex (even getting her brain scanned while having an orgasm) and what it really means for the way we approach our relationships. Dirty Minds asks age-old questions such What parts of the brain are involved with love? Is there really a “seven-year itch”? Why do good girls like bad boys? Is monogamy practical? How thin is that line between love and hate? Do mothers have a stronger bond with children than their fathers do? How do our childhood experiences affect our emotional control and who is at risk for love addiction? Yet this book offers an entirely fresh approach, explaining all the ways the brain can make or break us in love.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 3, 2012
71 people are currently reading
1864 people want to read
About the author
Kayt Sukel
5 books104 followersA passionate traveler and science writer, Kayt Sukel has no problem tackling interesting (and often taboo) subjects spanning love, sex, neuroscience, travel, technology, and politics. Her work has appeared in the Atlantic Monthly, the New Scientist, USA Today, Pacific Standard, the Washington Post, ISLANDS, Parenting, the Bark, American Baby, National Geographic Traveler, and the AARP Bulletin. She is a partner at the award-winning family travel website Travel Savvy Mom, and is also a frequent contributor to the Dana Foundation’s many science publications. She has written stories about out-of-body experiences, fMRI orgasms, computer models of schizophrenia, the stigma of single motherhood and why one should travel to exotic lands with young children.
Her first book, DIRTY MINDS: HOW OUR BRAINS INFLUENCE LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS (retitled as THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SEX: THE SCIENCE BEHIND THE SEARCH FOR LOVE in paperback), is an irreverent and funny tome that takes on the age-old question, “What is love?” from a neurobiological perspective. Called “a fun and insightful read,” by Scientific American Mind and “a serious, informative and highly entertaining survey of the neurobiology of sexual attraction,” by the Washington Post, DIRTY MINDS/THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SEX offers a new take on that crazy little thing called love.
Her new book, THE ART OF RISK: THE NEW SCIENCE OF COURAGE, CAUTION & CHANCE, an investigation into the science of risk-taking, will be published in February 2016. Advance praise calls it "an engrossing look at a fascinating issue by one of the most fearless science writers in the business" and "a road map for understanding boldness."
Kayt lives outside Houston, Texas (and is surprised as you are about it), and frequently overshares on Twitter as @kaytsukel.
Her first book, DIRTY MINDS: HOW OUR BRAINS INFLUENCE LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS (retitled as THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SEX: THE SCIENCE BEHIND THE SEARCH FOR LOVE in paperback), is an irreverent and funny tome that takes on the age-old question, “What is love?” from a neurobiological perspective. Called “a fun and insightful read,” by Scientific American Mind and “a serious, informative and highly entertaining survey of the neurobiology of sexual attraction,” by the Washington Post, DIRTY MINDS/THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SEX offers a new take on that crazy little thing called love.
Her new book, THE ART OF RISK: THE NEW SCIENCE OF COURAGE, CAUTION & CHANCE, an investigation into the science of risk-taking, will be published in February 2016. Advance praise calls it "an engrossing look at a fascinating issue by one of the most fearless science writers in the business" and "a road map for understanding boldness."
Kayt lives outside Houston, Texas (and is surprised as you are about it), and frequently overshares on Twitter as @kaytsukel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
February 21, 2012
"If you ever want to make even the most cosmopolitan of your friends speechless, telling them you have voluteered to travel to Newark, New Jersey, so you can masturbate to orgasm in an fMRI is a great way to start. Once they overcome the shock, chances are they will start to ask questions. A lot of questions. Most I was able to answer. To start, no, I'm not kidding. I'm really going to do it. Really, it is not a joke, I promise. Yes, I will be in the scanner, the same sort of claustrophobic tube you got your knee scanned in that one time. Yes, I know it is a very tight fit. Loud too. Yes, I'll be self-stimulating. How? Clitorally, to be exact, until I reach orgasm. Will I use a vibrator? No, most vibrators have metal, which is a no-no in the magnet. I'll have to rely on my own hands to get the job done. Yes, technically people will be watching - just the scientists who are running the study, I think. But I will be draped for modesty and the only thing they will really be observing, besides my brain on the computer screen, is my hand signal when ecstasy is upon me. Both Komisaruk and his colleague, Nan Wise, have explained the whole process in detail to me. No, I am not sure I'll actually be able to do it. But, as instructed, I have been practicing at home and will give it my best shot. It seemed like I was going through the same spiel over and over again. Between Wise's careful instructions and my repeated parroting, I felt I knew the procedure backward and forward. Or so I thought.
"It occurred to me only the night before I was due to be scanned that I had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: What do I wear to this session?"- Chapter 12
I met Kayt Sukel while acting as her Editor for the UpTake Restaurants Blog online over the past year. When she asked for some time off to complete a book for publication, I said "of course" and then asked what her book was about. When she told me it was a non-fiction look at the neuroscience field my reaction was disappointment that I wouldn't be able to read and review it for her. Not exactly something the common Bumble can easily grasp and find all that interesting. But Kayt told me not to make that kind of assumption so fast and encouraged me to take a deeper look. When I watched her book trailer a few months later, I couldn't request an advance copy fast enough. Finding out how our brains operate when it comes to love and sex didn't sound like a boring science textbook to me.
"Dirty Minds" is far from boring. This is because Kayt has a wicked sense of humor and the ability to translate Ivy League research into rock lyric parallels, making her book highly readable and entertaining. And in those spots where I did find my eyes glazing over due to a jumble of scientific jargon, she would inevitably insert an aside to the reader acknowledging and forgiving the probable tuning out of the prior paragraph. This made me laugh and kept me reading on, knowing this was not material to be quizzed on but rather, stories to be learned from.
Kayt recounts all kinds of neurological studies and research about varying ways to love; parental love, same-sex love, spiritual love and even lust. None of them have a magic solution for lonely hearts or wandering eyes. As evidenced by the passage quoted above, Kayt bravely took part in several of these studies along the way with the hope of giving scientists information to better solve the mysteries of love, sex and attraction. The only thing the studies seem to prove is that love elicits a definite pattern of activity in our brains. But love isn't just synapses and hormones working like a factory and dictating emotional expression. It is also affected by our culture, environment and often overruled by the reasoning portions of our brains.
I was fascinated by the way researchers discover which pieces of our brains light up during all kinds of tasks - physical or mental in nature. Seeing the way entirely different activities have brain mapping overlaps was an eye-opener. Most encouraging was the knowledge that our brains never stop changing. Every interaction, experience and education causes our brains to evolve. Meaning that love is not finite. It can't be contained or categorized. It is there - whether we want it or not. And it certainly seems, our brains really really want it. That's why there are all of those handy rock lyrics for Kayt to parallel.
"It occurred to me only the night before I was due to be scanned that I had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: What do I wear to this session?"- Chapter 12
I met Kayt Sukel while acting as her Editor for the UpTake Restaurants Blog online over the past year. When she asked for some time off to complete a book for publication, I said "of course" and then asked what her book was about. When she told me it was a non-fiction look at the neuroscience field my reaction was disappointment that I wouldn't be able to read and review it for her. Not exactly something the common Bumble can easily grasp and find all that interesting. But Kayt told me not to make that kind of assumption so fast and encouraged me to take a deeper look. When I watched her book trailer a few months later, I couldn't request an advance copy fast enough. Finding out how our brains operate when it comes to love and sex didn't sound like a boring science textbook to me.
"Dirty Minds" is far from boring. This is because Kayt has a wicked sense of humor and the ability to translate Ivy League research into rock lyric parallels, making her book highly readable and entertaining. And in those spots where I did find my eyes glazing over due to a jumble of scientific jargon, she would inevitably insert an aside to the reader acknowledging and forgiving the probable tuning out of the prior paragraph. This made me laugh and kept me reading on, knowing this was not material to be quizzed on but rather, stories to be learned from.
Kayt recounts all kinds of neurological studies and research about varying ways to love; parental love, same-sex love, spiritual love and even lust. None of them have a magic solution for lonely hearts or wandering eyes. As evidenced by the passage quoted above, Kayt bravely took part in several of these studies along the way with the hope of giving scientists information to better solve the mysteries of love, sex and attraction. The only thing the studies seem to prove is that love elicits a definite pattern of activity in our brains. But love isn't just synapses and hormones working like a factory and dictating emotional expression. It is also affected by our culture, environment and often overruled by the reasoning portions of our brains.
I was fascinated by the way researchers discover which pieces of our brains light up during all kinds of tasks - physical or mental in nature. Seeing the way entirely different activities have brain mapping overlaps was an eye-opener. Most encouraging was the knowledge that our brains never stop changing. Every interaction, experience and education causes our brains to evolve. Meaning that love is not finite. It can't be contained or categorized. It is there - whether we want it or not. And it certainly seems, our brains really really want it. That's why there are all of those handy rock lyrics for Kayt to parallel.
October 14, 2011
Kayt Sukel's debut takes a long, hard look at human relationships from a unique perspective. With her background in neuroscience, Sukel examines what goes on inside our brains when we think about love, and sex, and all that good stuff. It's a fascinating read. The brain is such a complex organ that much of the studies performed so far are not conclusive, but the book sheds a whole new light on some of the most enduring questions of mankind, which have hitherto primarily been the provence of artists, writers, and musicians. The collision of biology with the vaguer arenas of emotion and love is a compelling saga in itself. The author does a wonderful job of setting out the research in a way that makes it easy for non-scientists like me to understand. If this all sounds a little dry, though, don't be fooled. It is an extremely funny book, and Sukel's ultra-dry wit had me chuckling throughout. Informative, entertaining, relevant - who could ask for more?
February 14, 2012
Si nada nos salva de la muerte, al menos que el amor nos salve de la vida. This line from Pablo Neruda doesn’t really have anything to do with this book, but I just saw for the first time its original Spanish in a Valentine’s Days Facebook status update. I first saw this line in a Persian translation of a collection of Neruda’s poetry, and it had made a great impression on my teenage boy mind (or brain, since this book is about the brain), and I was so excited to see the original Spanish.
So, this thing called love, the thing that is supposed to save us from life, according to Neruda – what is it, anyway? The answer is not in this book either. Sukel summarizes a lot of neuroscientific research that has been done on love and sexuality. The culprits have been out in the news in the past few years and everyone has heard of them: oxytocin and vasopressin and serotonin and the other romantic hormones and neurotransmitters. Sukel is quite a brain nerd for a non-scientists. She’s been pouring over a lot of hardcore science papers. She even volunteered to bring herself to orgasms inside an fMRI scanner to assist the brain researchers (quite a funny episode there). So expect a lot of interesting and sometimes funny scientific tidbits about love and sex. However, I’d just recently read Ramachandran’s The Tell-Tale Brain, and I was a bit jaded with reading about amygdala and hippocampus and anterior cortex again.
So, this thing called love, the thing that is supposed to save us from life, according to Neruda – what is it, anyway? The answer is not in this book either. Sukel summarizes a lot of neuroscientific research that has been done on love and sexuality. The culprits have been out in the news in the past few years and everyone has heard of them: oxytocin and vasopressin and serotonin and the other romantic hormones and neurotransmitters. Sukel is quite a brain nerd for a non-scientists. She’s been pouring over a lot of hardcore science papers. She even volunteered to bring herself to orgasms inside an fMRI scanner to assist the brain researchers (quite a funny episode there). So expect a lot of interesting and sometimes funny scientific tidbits about love and sex. However, I’d just recently read Ramachandran’s The Tell-Tale Brain, and I was a bit jaded with reading about amygdala and hippocampus and anterior cortex again.
January 7, 2013
Here's the review I wrote for Amazon.
I gave this book 5 stars without thinking twice. I enjoyed it immensely, and I learned a lot. BUT it must be said that if you read this book as being about love, you are going to be sorely disappointed, and probably not find it as funny or insightful. If you're reading it for some sort of sex thrill... you're not going to like it unless you've got a thing for rats. And if you do, you're gonna like this. Buy it, and then never go out in public again please. This is a book about neuroscience. Pure and simple. That said, it's a damn good one and you should read it.
This book is written in a style that will make you wish Sukel had written all of your science textbooks in high school (and even some of your college ones). Conversational tones applied to well-understood scientific concepts enable even a layman to work through the science-y parts without a thesaurus, a copy of Grey's, or a DSM. Further, most chapters have a fun little part where the concepts being scientifically discussed are put in motion in real-world examples. The end result is a reader who doesn't fully understand all the neuroscience, but understands the broad strokes, the implications, the questions that have been and can be answered and, more importantly, the questions that (as of now) cannot be.
I gave this book 5 stars without thinking twice. I enjoyed it immensely, and I learned a lot. BUT it must be said that if you read this book as being about love, you are going to be sorely disappointed, and probably not find it as funny or insightful. If you're reading it for some sort of sex thrill... you're not going to like it unless you've got a thing for rats. And if you do, you're gonna like this. Buy it, and then never go out in public again please. This is a book about neuroscience. Pure and simple. That said, it's a damn good one and you should read it.
This book is written in a style that will make you wish Sukel had written all of your science textbooks in high school (and even some of your college ones). Conversational tones applied to well-understood scientific concepts enable even a layman to work through the science-y parts without a thesaurus, a copy of Grey's, or a DSM. Further, most chapters have a fun little part where the concepts being scientifically discussed are put in motion in real-world examples. The end result is a reader who doesn't fully understand all the neuroscience, but understands the broad strokes, the implications, the questions that have been and can be answered and, more importantly, the questions that (as of now) cannot be.
December 31, 2013
I would like to give 3.5 star, but since no such option, I am giving it 4.
What I like about the book: it is very eye opening with the most recent findings from studies and experiments. You will be amazed by how much biology is behind such abstract concepts like love, fidelity, cheating. Another plus point is the author is truly behaving scientifically ethically, by being cautious in drawing conclusion, and honest that all the research still needs further studies. A true scientific approach.
What I don't like is many parts of the books can be too "heavy" for majority of readers, with so many neuroscience terms. People may feel lost in the technical descriptions.
Nevertheless, I still recommend this book for those who want to find that love does not happen in the heart, but in the brain. :)
What I like about the book: it is very eye opening with the most recent findings from studies and experiments. You will be amazed by how much biology is behind such abstract concepts like love, fidelity, cheating. Another plus point is the author is truly behaving scientifically ethically, by being cautious in drawing conclusion, and honest that all the research still needs further studies. A true scientific approach.
What I don't like is many parts of the books can be too "heavy" for majority of readers, with so many neuroscience terms. People may feel lost in the technical descriptions.
Nevertheless, I still recommend this book for those who want to find that love does not happen in the heart, but in the brain. :)
October 5, 2012
I thought this book was fabulous -- it was the perfect medley of nerdy (neuroscience research and information) balanced with the right degree of readability for someone outside the scientific realm. I have an affinity for science and psychology, and with having a divorce under my belt, this book was right up my alley. The flow and information presented kept me intrigued, and some things were rather enlightening. In the end, it actually gave me somewhat of a more hopeful perspective on my own situation (which is a rarity) -- the closing information on the brain's plasticity was a poignant component.
Here are some of my favorite passages:
"Love is a rock, a drug, reciprocal torture, and an exploding cigar. Love is all you need -- yet it's a cold and a broken Hallelujah. It is a many-splendored thing, a battlefield, and a river. Love stinks. It's divine. It is never having to say you're sorry. Or perhaps having to say so much more than you ever thought you would. Love is a bitch. It's like a disease. It's a trap."
" 'So do you have any advice for the lovelorn? Those who might look to your research and hope for some kind of guidance on how to better attract a mate?' 'Not really,' Cooper said. 'Except maybe meet more people.' 'You mean, get a bigger sample size?' 'Yes, up your N.' "
"In statistics a normal distribution of anything is represented by a bell curve. If scientists are talking about a "normal" type of love, a "normal" sex life, or a "normal" parenting style, it's never one value."
Here are some of my favorite passages:
"Love is a rock, a drug, reciprocal torture, and an exploding cigar. Love is all you need -- yet it's a cold and a broken Hallelujah. It is a many-splendored thing, a battlefield, and a river. Love stinks. It's divine. It is never having to say you're sorry. Or perhaps having to say so much more than you ever thought you would. Love is a bitch. It's like a disease. It's a trap."
" 'So do you have any advice for the lovelorn? Those who might look to your research and hope for some kind of guidance on how to better attract a mate?' 'Not really,' Cooper said. 'Except maybe meet more people.' 'You mean, get a bigger sample size?' 'Yes, up your N.' "
"In statistics a normal distribution of anything is represented by a bell curve. If scientists are talking about a "normal" type of love, a "normal" sex life, or a "normal" parenting style, it's never one value."
February 21, 2016
What Kayt Sukel gave me is the knowledge of epigenetics. This book answered some of my core thoughts. I feel grateful for finally understanding some of the lingering ideas which were on the margin of my mind ever since I was a kid: how evolution works and where and how we change our DNA.
Epigenetics, a blossoming new field in neurobiology, is demonstrating that environmental influences can alter gene/DNA expression during development and beyond. Humans have consciousness and culture that affect our behaviors. Life experience has the power to change your genetic material (DNA) at the molecular level, not by mutating your genes, but by affecting the manner in which those genes express themselves.
Our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic mixture. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited.
We are able to change our ancestors DNA code from one generation to another. We can alter our DNA to become better. Your mind /thoughts and habits + motivation + time can alter your DNA. Stunning.
Epigenetics, a blossoming new field in neurobiology, is demonstrating that environmental influences can alter gene/DNA expression during development and beyond. Humans have consciousness and culture that affect our behaviors. Life experience has the power to change your genetic material (DNA) at the molecular level, not by mutating your genes, but by affecting the manner in which those genes express themselves.
Our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic mixture. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited.
We are able to change our ancestors DNA code from one generation to another. We can alter our DNA to become better. Your mind /thoughts and habits + motivation + time can alter your DNA. Stunning.
April 8, 2017
The most important takeaway? Science has no idea how attraction, love, and sexual desire arise out of our brains.
Of course, no one finds that surprising, until you realize there are countless people gulping down pills because they think science has some idea how depression, manias, and happiness arise out of our brains -- hint: no one really understands.
Of course, no one finds that surprising, until you realize there are countless people gulping down pills because they think science has some idea how depression, manias, and happiness arise out of our brains -- hint: no one really understands.
January 30, 2022
Great book to understand the science behind emotions and feelings in romantic love.
July 1, 2018
Highly readable book summarising the various studies that have been done into everyone's favourite drug. Debunks all the casually overgeneralised pop psych headlines that have been doing the rounds. TL;DR: People are complex and its not prudent to make sweeping statements on the neurobiology of love. Research produces more questions than answers, and that's all right.
___
Fisher, Aron and Brown concluded that romantic love is not an emotion, but a drive. "Love is there to help fuel reproduction, to help us psychologically by connecting with others. It is distinct, yet related to lust and attachment."
Stephanie Ortigue: "Our findings suggest that these reward systems are important in love but also more cognitive areas related to decision-making and the representation of self and body image. It's quite interesting, suggesting that love may be an extension of oneself. Or rather, people in love really put themselves into others. It changes the way we conceptualise passionate love. If my love object can change the way I internally view myself, what else might change?"
No two people have exactly the same brain chemistry. Even with the same partner, no two people will have identical experiences in love.
You can't just study the cell anymore. There isn't just a cell. The cell acts in a body, the body has a brain, and that body acts in an environment.
Men and women experience stress in the same way, but their stress response involves different mechanisms in the brain.
The top three reasons for having sex were the same in both genders - they were having it for love, for commitment, and for physical gratification. Subjective reports of arousal show a lot of overlap between the genders.
There is more variability (in the size of different brain regions as well as the function) within a given sex than between sexes in cognitive behaviour and the brain.
Attraction is not all about good looks; a pleasant conversation is important too. To test the idea, Finkel, Eastwick, and their colleagues looked at language-style matching, or how much individuals matched their conversation to that of their partner orally or in writing, and how it related to attraction. The group found that for the speed dates they analysed, language-style matching was predictive of relationship stability. Granted, there's something of a chicken-and-egg problem here. Which came first?
Getting a "yes" when asking someone out only significantly activated the reward system if there was mutual appreciation going on.
When mother rats were presented with both pups and cocaine, their nucleus accumbens was much more activated by the pups than the drug.
There's evidence that oxytocin and estrogen levels all go up prior to a child's birth, and that helps the mother's brain change so she will perceive the infant as positive and rewarding rather than aversive. But after birth playing and interacting iwth the baby also helps with further restructuring.
Addiction is basically a reward process spinning out of control.
The kaleidoscope of love, lust and attachment means it is possible to be both attached one partner, yet sexually attracted to or even romantically in love with another.
Although same-sex sexual behaviour is observed widely in primate species, these animals never show a preferential choice for their own sex. And that preference for one sex over the other is what defines sexual orientation. Primates simply don't behave that way.
Swaab: "By understanding the neuroanatomical differences between homosexual and heterosexual brains, we can learn to accept it.
Rupp's study suggests that consciously or not, masculinised faces are perceived as not only more attractive but also more dangerous. The effect was quite robust considering just how slightly the faces had been morphed.
Usually in normal patients, the brain responds the most to sexual stimuli. Across the board the strength of response in the brain to sexual stimuli is two to three times greater than any other type. In epileptics, however, they showed heightened skin conductance response to religious words and icons, with diminished responses to the other kinds of stimuli, including those linked to sex.
Stephen G. Post, president of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, postulates that, at its very essence, to experience unconditional love is "to emotionally affirm as well as to unselfishly delight in the well-being of others, and to volitionally engage in acts of care and service on their behalf without expecting anything in return." Those who are able to feel unconditional love do so freely and without expectation by definition, but they also admit to feeling very rewarded by acts done in its name.
___
Fisher, Aron and Brown concluded that romantic love is not an emotion, but a drive. "Love is there to help fuel reproduction, to help us psychologically by connecting with others. It is distinct, yet related to lust and attachment."
Stephanie Ortigue: "Our findings suggest that these reward systems are important in love but also more cognitive areas related to decision-making and the representation of self and body image. It's quite interesting, suggesting that love may be an extension of oneself. Or rather, people in love really put themselves into others. It changes the way we conceptualise passionate love. If my love object can change the way I internally view myself, what else might change?"
No two people have exactly the same brain chemistry. Even with the same partner, no two people will have identical experiences in love.
You can't just study the cell anymore. There isn't just a cell. The cell acts in a body, the body has a brain, and that body acts in an environment.
Men and women experience stress in the same way, but their stress response involves different mechanisms in the brain.
The top three reasons for having sex were the same in both genders - they were having it for love, for commitment, and for physical gratification. Subjective reports of arousal show a lot of overlap between the genders.
There is more variability (in the size of different brain regions as well as the function) within a given sex than between sexes in cognitive behaviour and the brain.
Attraction is not all about good looks; a pleasant conversation is important too. To test the idea, Finkel, Eastwick, and their colleagues looked at language-style matching, or how much individuals matched their conversation to that of their partner orally or in writing, and how it related to attraction. The group found that for the speed dates they analysed, language-style matching was predictive of relationship stability. Granted, there's something of a chicken-and-egg problem here. Which came first?
Getting a "yes" when asking someone out only significantly activated the reward system if there was mutual appreciation going on.
When mother rats were presented with both pups and cocaine, their nucleus accumbens was much more activated by the pups than the drug.
There's evidence that oxytocin and estrogen levels all go up prior to a child's birth, and that helps the mother's brain change so she will perceive the infant as positive and rewarding rather than aversive. But after birth playing and interacting iwth the baby also helps with further restructuring.
Addiction is basically a reward process spinning out of control.
The kaleidoscope of love, lust and attachment means it is possible to be both attached one partner, yet sexually attracted to or even romantically in love with another.
Although same-sex sexual behaviour is observed widely in primate species, these animals never show a preferential choice for their own sex. And that preference for one sex over the other is what defines sexual orientation. Primates simply don't behave that way.
Swaab: "By understanding the neuroanatomical differences between homosexual and heterosexual brains, we can learn to accept it.
Rupp's study suggests that consciously or not, masculinised faces are perceived as not only more attractive but also more dangerous. The effect was quite robust considering just how slightly the faces had been morphed.
Usually in normal patients, the brain responds the most to sexual stimuli. Across the board the strength of response in the brain to sexual stimuli is two to three times greater than any other type. In epileptics, however, they showed heightened skin conductance response to religious words and icons, with diminished responses to the other kinds of stimuli, including those linked to sex.
Stephen G. Post, president of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, postulates that, at its very essence, to experience unconditional love is "to emotionally affirm as well as to unselfishly delight in the well-being of others, and to volitionally engage in acts of care and service on their behalf without expecting anything in return." Those who are able to feel unconditional love do so freely and without expectation by definition, but they also admit to feeling very rewarded by acts done in its name.
June 27, 2018
1.5 ⭐
I thought this book would be much more interesting than it was. I was very disappointed because I usually love learning anything to do with neuroscience, but this was only good for helping me sleep more easily.
I thought this book would be much more interesting than it was. I was very disappointed because I usually love learning anything to do with neuroscience, but this was only good for helping me sleep more easily.
January 9, 2019
The neuroscience of love is explained in a witty, humourous way. Lots of wisdom on how the brain manifests love, hate, and other relationship-related affairs. Absolutely love the tone of the writer.
May 19, 2012
*That crazy [messy, complicated, dirty] little thing called love*
What is love?
Is it an emotion? A drive? A biological imperative? A neurochemical cocktail? A brain-changing response? A drug? An enigma?
Love is as challenging to define as it is to study. In her book _Dirty Minds_, Kayt Sukel attempts to gain some clarity by getting her hands dirty in the latest findings on the neurobiological basis of love. Hoping to illuminate how our brains influence love, sex, and relationships, she attempts to:
“Explain what neuroscience has actually learned about the various ways our brains can affect our hearts—and what those findings mean within the context of human behavior....If nothing else, I hope to offer you a better understanding of why we humans act so strangely when it comes to that crazy little thing called love.” (p. xviii)
Not surprisingly, she learns that the science of love is more of an art. And, a messy one at that. (It's closer to an improvisational splatter paint process than it is a paint-by-the-number one.)
As Kayt learns from her research:
“Though we may wish it were so, there are simply no easy answers when it comes to love. There is no clever playbook for navigating love's messier situations; there are no promises to be revealed by five-step magazine stories or brain chemistry supplements. The brain is too complicated for that.” (p.244)
But, she is able to offer a clear explanation as to why there is no clear explanation for describing how our brains work in love. First, our brains are plastic and are constantly changing through our lives with every new experience and relationship we have. Our brains are also incredibly complex, and each kind of love we have (be it romantic, sexual, or attachment) creates it own unique pattern of brain activation with its own blend of neurochemicals (including oxytocin, dopamine, vasopressin, estrogen, and testosterone) which interact and cross-talk in all kinds of ways with each other. Adding to this messy mix is the effect of context: our brain biology is profoundly influenced by our environment and relationships. And, the convergence of this plasticity, complexity, and context results in each of us having our unique brain experience of love, as reflected in our individual epigenome, neurochemicals, and behaviors.
Although this neurological complexity makes our loving brains hard to study, predict, and understand, it ultimately allows for us to be flexible, discerning, adaptable, social, and resilient. And, what's not to love about that?
So, if you're seeking easy answers to questions about the neuroscience of love, you won't get that here. (Reality check: you probably won't be able to find that anywhere.) But, if you want to gain an appreciation for why love can be so messy, indulge your dirty mind here!
What is love?
Is it an emotion? A drive? A biological imperative? A neurochemical cocktail? A brain-changing response? A drug? An enigma?
Love is as challenging to define as it is to study. In her book _Dirty Minds_, Kayt Sukel attempts to gain some clarity by getting her hands dirty in the latest findings on the neurobiological basis of love. Hoping to illuminate how our brains influence love, sex, and relationships, she attempts to:
“Explain what neuroscience has actually learned about the various ways our brains can affect our hearts—and what those findings mean within the context of human behavior....If nothing else, I hope to offer you a better understanding of why we humans act so strangely when it comes to that crazy little thing called love.” (p. xviii)
Not surprisingly, she learns that the science of love is more of an art. And, a messy one at that. (It's closer to an improvisational splatter paint process than it is a paint-by-the-number one.)
As Kayt learns from her research:
“Though we may wish it were so, there are simply no easy answers when it comes to love. There is no clever playbook for navigating love's messier situations; there are no promises to be revealed by five-step magazine stories or brain chemistry supplements. The brain is too complicated for that.” (p.244)
But, she is able to offer a clear explanation as to why there is no clear explanation for describing how our brains work in love. First, our brains are plastic and are constantly changing through our lives with every new experience and relationship we have. Our brains are also incredibly complex, and each kind of love we have (be it romantic, sexual, or attachment) creates it own unique pattern of brain activation with its own blend of neurochemicals (including oxytocin, dopamine, vasopressin, estrogen, and testosterone) which interact and cross-talk in all kinds of ways with each other. Adding to this messy mix is the effect of context: our brain biology is profoundly influenced by our environment and relationships. And, the convergence of this plasticity, complexity, and context results in each of us having our unique brain experience of love, as reflected in our individual epigenome, neurochemicals, and behaviors.
Although this neurological complexity makes our loving brains hard to study, predict, and understand, it ultimately allows for us to be flexible, discerning, adaptable, social, and resilient. And, what's not to love about that?
So, if you're seeking easy answers to questions about the neuroscience of love, you won't get that here. (Reality check: you probably won't be able to find that anywhere.) But, if you want to gain an appreciation for why love can be so messy, indulge your dirty mind here!
Read
May 5, 2025Melhores trechos: "...Provavelmente, a ação neuroquímica da serotonina teria um papel tanto na origem dos pensamentos obsessivos que ocorrem no TOC, quanto no amor. A mesma falta de serotonina que leva um paciente com TOC a acreditar que tocar cinco vezes numa porta ao entrar pode garantir segurança talvez esteja por trás da maneira como uma pessoa pensa constante e compulsivamente num novo namorado quando está na fase de lua de mel de uma relação... O amor não nos proporciona apenas bem-estar. Torna-nos também um pouco obsessivos – e a obsessão pode ser estressante... Poderíamos dizer, portanto, que a testosterona torna as mulheres mais abertas ao sexo e os homens mais abertos às carícias, por exemplo, mas a verdade é que não sabemos nada além do simples fato de que esses níveis mudam – e apenas nos estágios iniciais do amor romântico. Quando os sujeitos estabelecem uma relação mais estável, duradoura, os níveis tanto de testosterona quanto de FSH retornam ao normal... Se supõe que, quanto maior a área do cérebro, mais importante ela é para o organismo em questão. À medida que aprofundaram a investigação, os pesquisadores descobriram que essas áreas maiores também demonstram ter maior densidade de neurônios, bem como maior crescimento dendrítico, o que é um indicador de alcance neural – quanto mais dendritos tem uma célula, mais sinapses ela pode formar. Seria possível afirmar que essas variações indicariam uma diferença no processamento cognitivo entre os dois sexos? Evidências anedóticas certamente a sugeriam. Mas os cientistas só tiveram certeza disso depois que começaram a usar fMRI enquanto os sujeitos desempenhavam tarefas cognitivas. Este foi um achado muito importante para o estudo da cognição e de comportamentos relacionados ao amor. Muitos dos estudos de neuroimagem encontrados na literatura científica, inclusive alguns que examinam o amor e o comportamento sexual, medem o fluxo sanguíneo em apenas um gênero. Todas as conclusões extraídas dos resultados têm de ser reconsideradas quando nos damos conta de que os cérebros de homens e mulheres são um pouquinho diferentes... Cada pessoa traz sua própria história individual para qualquer situação sexual. As razões por que estão fazendo sexo, a maneira como se sentem em relação ao sexo e as consequências de fazer sexo são todas muito diferentes entre os indivíduos, seja qual for o seu gênero... As três principais razões para fazer sexo foram as mesmas nos dois gêneros – homens e mulheres o faziam por amor, por compromisso e por gratificação física... Nosso cérebro está fazendo muita coisa com a informação quimiossensorial presente no suor produzido durante a excitação sexual... Quando fazemos sexo com nosso parceiro permanente, dopamina adicional é liberada através desse sistema de oxitocina. E essa dopamina adicional confere ao sexo aquela pequena dose extra de desejabilidade que nos faz querer voltar àquele mesmo parceiro para mais. E mais. E provavelmente um pouco mais depois disso. Alguns cientistas sociais acreditam que a razão pela qual mulheres são mais propensas a se apaixonar por um homem com quem fizeram sexo – em contraposição a um com quem apenas passaram algum tempo – é esse súbito aumento de dopamina induzido pelo sexo... Quando pensamos sobre isso, parece espantoso. Uma única substância química pode ser usada de uma variedade de maneiras para estimular esses tipos de comportamentos sociais, e essa única substância opera mudanças físicas no cérebro, criando nos núcleos da base o equivalente neural de um voto de fidelidade... Nossas primeiras experiências moldam a forma como os genes são expressos – o que por sua vez molda o desenvolvimento de nossos cérebros – e influenciam o comportamento. Mesmo que pudéssemos desemaranhar todas as variáveis e avaliar a contribuição singular de cada uma, é provável que não conseguíssemos fazer nenhuma generalização além do que temos agora... A motivação sexual humana não é um mero produto de hormônios ou de substâncias químicas cerebrais. Há muito mais coisas envolvidas: seu status de relacionamento, sua idade, sua cultura, e simplesmente a pessoa com quem você está transando na época... O que poderia explicar o desenvolvimento cerebral que resulta em homossexualidade e não em transexualidade? A resposta é desconhecida... Essas áreas estão envolvidas no processamento de feições, bem como na avaliação de riscos, sugerindo que, conscientemente ou não, rostos masculinizados são percebidos não só como mais atraentes, mas também como mais perigosos. O efeito foi bastante significativo, considerando-se quão ligeiramente as faces haviam sido alteradas. Quando o grupo examinou os níveis hormonais, constatou que o nível de testosterona da própria mulher predizia positivamente a ativação no cingulado anterior e posterior, regiões cerebrais envolvidas na tomada de decisão. No entanto, a fase do ciclo menstrual em que a participante por acaso se encontrava não se correlacionou com nenhuma das ativações cerebrais significativas... Ela recebe essas sugestões subconscientes, sim, que podem torná-la mais propensa a ir para a cama com um sujeito particular. Mas isso é seu subconsciente. Não é só ele que decide. A parte consciente de seu cérebro pode em seguida entrar em ação e ajudar a decidir se ela vai ou não realmente fazer isso... O amor e o ódio de um indivíduo estão muitas vezes associados. Pense sobre isto: com que facilidade odiamos uma pessoa que outrora amamos, em especial se o relacionamento terminou numa nota amarga? Por mais que tenhamos sido ensinados desde tenra idade que o ódio é algo ruim, por vezes parece quase mais fácil alimentar esse tipo de emoção intensa por alguém que nos tenha sido muito querido... Não é apenas a oxitocina que está envolvida, mas também substâncias químicas como a dopamina, a vasopressina e a serotonina. Todas elas estão fortemente ligadas umas às outras, unidas num equilíbrio fino. E esse equilíbrio entre as três parece ser muito decisivo para determinar estados de amor e ódio... A complexidade do meu cérebro oferece-me possibilidades infinitas quando se trata de amor. A meu ver, isso é muito melhor que algum manual de conduta preciso baseado na neurobiologia, uma lista única e generalizadora de coisas a fazer e não fazer que pode ser tão restritiva quanto uma camisa de força. Já há pressão suficiente envolvida na procura do amor, muito obrigada. Não preciso da carga extra de testes genéticos, medições de neuropeptídios, ou medicamentos capazes de melhorar minha vida amorosa à custa de minha função cognitiva. Portanto, sim, acolherei todo o mistério que meus neurônios oferecem. No mínimo, isso é algo com que posso contar..."
August 29, 2012
I completely loved "Bonk: The Curious Coupling Of Science & Sex" by Mary Roach and so from the many stellar reviews "Dirty Minds" received, I thought this book would be in a similarly interesting vein...and was happily correct in that assumption. Sukel's explanations aren't as tight as Roach's when it comes to deconstructing highly complex scientific explanations into something a layperson could easily understand, but I do appreciate Sukel's efforts and specifically how she attempted breaking down explanations of the overlapping and interacting brain chemicals through different studies. This led to a longer front half of the book, and a smaller second half that gets into the specific studies tackling the questions posed in the GoodReads synopsis above. I wish Sukel had been a little more free with her sense of humor, because those few times she did really made me laugh out loud, a rarity in these days where everyone types "LOL" all the time, because when she does it's fantastic! But such is the problem of writing about a serious scientific subject for a mainstream audience! However, having loved "Bonk" so much, I think it only made me disappointed that the second half of "Dirty Minds" wasn't longer! That said, I look forward to reading more by Sukel.
October 3, 2015
I started out really enthusiastic, but by the fourth chapter, things started to get on my nerves. For one, this mix of colloquial conversation and then lists of brain regions that made even my eyes gloss over as I read them, despite potentially knowing what they meant. I wasn't interested in the names, I was interested in what they did, and where else such activation was seen.
Otherwise, the actual material just wasn't complete enough to write a full book about. I don't think a single chapter didn't end with "but we don't know enough" or "more research needs to be done". It's not the author's fault of course, but that didn't stop her from milking the handful of studies that do exist for all they were worth. In adition, almost all of the research mentioned confirmed things we believe already about love, and not bringing anything new to the table, certainly nothing behavioural studies haven't found.
Oh, kudos to the author for throwing "sex" in the title despite most of the book being about love.
Otherwise, the actual material just wasn't complete enough to write a full book about. I don't think a single chapter didn't end with "but we don't know enough" or "more research needs to be done". It's not the author's fault of course, but that didn't stop her from milking the handful of studies that do exist for all they were worth. In adition, almost all of the research mentioned confirmed things we believe already about love, and not bringing anything new to the table, certainly nothing behavioural studies haven't found.
Oh, kudos to the author for throwing "sex" in the title despite most of the book being about love.
October 7, 2014
Sukel takes us along on her Quest for a scientific understanding of this confusing thing we humans call love.
The scientist-reader will not be disappointed by the in-depth research and discussions of various genes, chemicals, and specific parts of the brain, not to mention the cautious approach to conclusions, based on core scientific research principles.
The more casual armchair scientist, whose eyes may skip over the occasional technical paragraph, will still find delight in the author's humorous and witty descriptions of her journey of discovery, and can easily skip the occasional eye-glazing technical bits, to find them concisely tied up in a plain-English summary of what it really means to us laymen.
Even though the author concludes that science doesn't have all the answers she seeks (yet), it's far more useful, interesting, and therapeutic than any book about love that I've ever found in the self-help section.
The scientist-reader will not be disappointed by the in-depth research and discussions of various genes, chemicals, and specific parts of the brain, not to mention the cautious approach to conclusions, based on core scientific research principles.
The more casual armchair scientist, whose eyes may skip over the occasional technical paragraph, will still find delight in the author's humorous and witty descriptions of her journey of discovery, and can easily skip the occasional eye-glazing technical bits, to find them concisely tied up in a plain-English summary of what it really means to us laymen.
Even though the author concludes that science doesn't have all the answers she seeks (yet), it's far more useful, interesting, and therapeutic than any book about love that I've ever found in the self-help section.
November 21, 2014
The provocative title is just marketing. This is a solid science book, albeit written in a friendly and casual manner, about the biological effects of love on the brain. Not lust (exclusively), but all forms of love.
If the subject matter interests you, this is the book you should seek out. She's not Mary Roach ha-ha, but funny in her own way, and entertaining.
If the subject matter interests you, this is the book you should seek out. She's not Mary Roach ha-ha, but funny in her own way, and entertaining.
April 30, 2012
Love? Lust? Attraction? Monogamy? Apparently it's all in your head. Literally.
Even in the midst of all the scientific jargon, Sukel explains the workings of the brain in regards to love and the like in a simple and humorous way.
If you're interested at all in the hypothesized whys in to what we feel and do (and why we're more like prairie voles than you think), this is a great read.
Even in the midst of all the scientific jargon, Sukel explains the workings of the brain in regards to love and the like in a simple and humorous way.
If you're interested at all in the hypothesized whys in to what we feel and do (and why we're more like prairie voles than you think), this is a great read.
April 27, 2013
I received a copy of this book through the first reads giveaway program.
This book does a nice job of breaking down the neuroscience behind sex and relationships so that the average person can understand it, To be honest I was expecting something less scientific but it provides a very nice overview of all of the biological aspects behind sex, love and monogamy.
This book does a nice job of breaking down the neuroscience behind sex and relationships so that the average person can understand it, To be honest I was expecting something less scientific but it provides a very nice overview of all of the biological aspects behind sex, love and monogamy.
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September 25, 2012Featured on Skeptically Speaking show #164 on May 13, 2012, during an interview with author Kayt Sukel. http://skepticallyspeaking.ca/episode... and episode #155 on March 11, 2012, during an interview with author Kayt Sukel.
January 25, 2012
I am loving this book. Smart and funny! Yes please!
June 4, 2012
An accessible update on the scientific research in the love department.
June 25, 2012
Unless you have a neuroscience background or haven take a LOT of science classes, this one won't interest you. But if you understand scientific jargon, this book is awesome!
July 21, 2013
A little too technical but quite illuminating nevertheless
May 16, 2019
Dirty Minds is a very solid read for anyone interested in the science of how love, attraction and sex work; and to my relief, it was very clearly not a self-help book or there to affirm anyone in their search for love, although author Kayt Sukel did tend to adopt the same kind of angle referring to her audience, as though we were all hopeless romantics on the search for romantic love. Thankfully, though, she spends the bulk of the book discussing neurological research and studies that indicate which parts of the brain are responsible for certain feelings and behaviors and why—or at least as much as we can explain why.
Most of the time as I read this book my thoughts stayed in one general area: "Wow! The brain is so complicated and amazing!" In that sense, I very much appreciated how Sukel was able to explain research studies and laboratory tests and apply them to how people experience attraction and emotional responses in everyday situations. Each of the chapters in the book dwells on a different—but similar—topic: the history of studying love, epigenetics and gene inheritance, differences in male and female brains, long-term love, cheating, orgasm, sexual orientation and so much more. I was fascinated by all of Sukel's accessible explanations of how all of these rather abstract concepts can make any semblance of sense considering just how complicated the brain is.
And indeed, Sukel's views are refreshing that way; she explains that she's not some kind of love guru looking to answer people's questions, nor does she claim to have all the answers for how to find love. In fact, she readily admits when the science just isn't advanced enough to even know what love is all about. It was oddly liberating to me in a way, as I read, to know that we don't have all the answers! We might never have all the answers! And the brain is still so interesting regardless. I was so impressed with all the innovation and creativity that Sukel describes in terms of studies that scientists have conducted to gain more knowledge about the brain. That, in itself, is enough to make this book interesting. Love is something we all experience, to varying degrees and conditions, and Dirty Minds helps explain what's going on in the brain as that emotion takes hold over us. Fascinating read.
Most of the time as I read this book my thoughts stayed in one general area: "Wow! The brain is so complicated and amazing!" In that sense, I very much appreciated how Sukel was able to explain research studies and laboratory tests and apply them to how people experience attraction and emotional responses in everyday situations. Each of the chapters in the book dwells on a different—but similar—topic: the history of studying love, epigenetics and gene inheritance, differences in male and female brains, long-term love, cheating, orgasm, sexual orientation and so much more. I was fascinated by all of Sukel's accessible explanations of how all of these rather abstract concepts can make any semblance of sense considering just how complicated the brain is.
And indeed, Sukel's views are refreshing that way; she explains that she's not some kind of love guru looking to answer people's questions, nor does she claim to have all the answers for how to find love. In fact, she readily admits when the science just isn't advanced enough to even know what love is all about. It was oddly liberating to me in a way, as I read, to know that we don't have all the answers! We might never have all the answers! And the brain is still so interesting regardless. I was so impressed with all the innovation and creativity that Sukel describes in terms of studies that scientists have conducted to gain more knowledge about the brain. That, in itself, is enough to make this book interesting. Love is something we all experience, to varying degrees and conditions, and Dirty Minds helps explain what's going on in the brain as that emotion takes hold over us. Fascinating read.
April 6, 2018
Di balik judul yang sungguh amat bombastis, isi bukunya menurut saya malah sangat komprehensif. Tidak melulu soal cinta romantis atau seks semata, bab di buku ini juga membahas tentang perasaan cinta Ibu pada anaknya, sains di balik perbuatan selingkuh, sains di balik monogami, pembahasan mengenai homoseksual menurut sains sampai bahkan sains di balik perasaan cinta yang dirasakan mereka yang religius pada Tuhannya.
Menarik sekali sih isi buku ini. Tiap poin yang disampaikan penulis dilengkapi dengan penelitian terkait (penelitiannya seru parah sih), penjelasan tentang penelitiannya juga cukup lengkap dan detail. Gaya penulisan penulisnya juga enak dan mudah diikuti, lengkap dengan anekdot-anekdot yang lucu dan ringan. Masalahnya adalah, istilah dan konsep neuroscience bertebaran di buku ini bisa membuat agak bingung yang baca apalagi untuk yg belum familiar dengan bidang neuroscience, jadi memang harus kenalan dulu biar ga bingung bacanya. Tapi terus di tiap bab, penulis membuat semacam paragraf pendek rangkuman tentang si bab tersebut dalam bahasa manusia normal jadi memudahkan untuk me-refresh isi bab itu.
Satu hal yang menurut saya kurang, buku ini kurang panjang HAHA.
Membahas banyak topik berbeda, dengan penelitian yang banyak juga. Tapi penelitian yang dibahas di tiap babnya menurut saya kok ya kurang banyak dan poin yang diberikan akan punya perspektif yang sama. Terus, entah karena penulisnya hati-hati, atau memang karena penelitian tentang mekanisme kerja otak masih sangat dini, kesimpulan yang biasa didapat di tiap bab adalah "We don't really know for sure," trus rasanya jadi nanggung dan ngambang. I actually expect to gain more knowledge reading this book, but since some of the topics are already covered in classes I took before (eventhough I failed spectacularly in Neuropsychology exam last year), it didn't exactly meet my initial expectation.
All in all, buku ini menurut saya science pop yang kadar science-nya kuat tapi masih bisa dibaca orang awam, dan memang diperuntukkan buat yang ingin tahu bagaimana cara kerja otak saat kita mengalami konsep yang selama ini lebih dikenal di kehidupan sosial, tapi jelas bukan untuk tujuan self-help apalagi balikan sama mantan.
Menarik sekali sih isi buku ini. Tiap poin yang disampaikan penulis dilengkapi dengan penelitian terkait (penelitiannya seru parah sih), penjelasan tentang penelitiannya juga cukup lengkap dan detail. Gaya penulisan penulisnya juga enak dan mudah diikuti, lengkap dengan anekdot-anekdot yang lucu dan ringan. Masalahnya adalah, istilah dan konsep neuroscience bertebaran di buku ini bisa membuat agak bingung yang baca apalagi untuk yg belum familiar dengan bidang neuroscience, jadi memang harus kenalan dulu biar ga bingung bacanya. Tapi terus di tiap bab, penulis membuat semacam paragraf pendek rangkuman tentang si bab tersebut dalam bahasa manusia normal jadi memudahkan untuk me-refresh isi bab itu.
Satu hal yang menurut saya kurang, buku ini kurang panjang HAHA.
Membahas banyak topik berbeda, dengan penelitian yang banyak juga. Tapi penelitian yang dibahas di tiap babnya menurut saya kok ya kurang banyak dan poin yang diberikan akan punya perspektif yang sama. Terus, entah karena penulisnya hati-hati, atau memang karena penelitian tentang mekanisme kerja otak masih sangat dini, kesimpulan yang biasa didapat di tiap bab adalah "We don't really know for sure," trus rasanya jadi nanggung dan ngambang. I actually expect to gain more knowledge reading this book, but since some of the topics are already covered in classes I took before (eventhough I failed spectacularly in Neuropsychology exam last year), it didn't exactly meet my initial expectation.
All in all, buku ini menurut saya science pop yang kadar science-nya kuat tapi masih bisa dibaca orang awam, dan memang diperuntukkan buat yang ingin tahu bagaimana cara kerja otak saat kita mengalami konsep yang selama ini lebih dikenal di kehidupan sosial, tapi jelas bukan untuk tujuan self-help apalagi balikan sama mantan.
September 3, 2020
Viver o amor e o sexo dependem incrivelmente de nosso cérebro. A autora escreve de forma a conversar com o leitor, o que torna a leitura menos enfadonha. Achei um livro repetitivo, talvez porque se delongue muito em tratar das questões neurobiológicas e dos experimentos com os animais - sobretudo os arganazes-do-campo. Mas a autora deixa claro desde o começo que a narrativa do livro foca nesse tipo de estudos. Logo, grande parte da discussão interessou-me menos, pois eu sendo um profissional de sociologia, tendo a gostar mais das questões relacionadas à história, cultura e mecanismos socializantes e psicanalíticos que desenvolvem nossas formas e conteúdo de viver o amor e o sexo.
Para mim, a melhor parte do livro está na descrição e análise que ela realiza sobre o orgasmo e suas ativações neurais (até mesmo experimentos realizados para que se chegassem a essas conclusões).
Mesmo que descubramos os caminhos neurológicos e biológicos do amor, é importante a discussão sobre se o conhecimento científico humano deveria ser acionado para alterar os rumos que nós indivíduos temos sobre nossa relação com o sexo e o amor. Afinal, como a autora salienta ao longo da obra, não somente nosso genoma nos orienta, mas nossas experiências são poderosas o suficiente para se imporem a possíveis determinismos genéticos. Nosso cérebro é plástico e passível de construir inúmeras e ricas formas de vivenciar o amor e a sexualidade. Uma droga do amor ou do desamor incorreria em riscos difíceis de serem medidos em nossas relações.
Para mim, a melhor parte do livro está na descrição e análise que ela realiza sobre o orgasmo e suas ativações neurais (até mesmo experimentos realizados para que se chegassem a essas conclusões).
Mesmo que descubramos os caminhos neurológicos e biológicos do amor, é importante a discussão sobre se o conhecimento científico humano deveria ser acionado para alterar os rumos que nós indivíduos temos sobre nossa relação com o sexo e o amor. Afinal, como a autora salienta ao longo da obra, não somente nosso genoma nos orienta, mas nossas experiências são poderosas o suficiente para se imporem a possíveis determinismos genéticos. Nosso cérebro é plástico e passível de construir inúmeras e ricas formas de vivenciar o amor e a sexualidade. Uma droga do amor ou do desamor incorreria em riscos difíceis de serem medidos em nossas relações.
May 15, 2019
I debated whether to give this book three or four stars. Ultimately, I decided on four after looking at the copyright date of 2012. This book doesn't cover polyamory, monoamory, or polyfidelity. In fairness, I didn't hear the word polyamory until 2013, and it was several years before I started meeting successful polyamorous people. I'm not aware of any scientific studies done regarding multiple loves except in the cases of serial monogamy. It is true that US culture and social norms make monogamy the in thing, successes vary. Poly could be several pair bonds, and the brain scans might be pretty much the same; love is love. Ms. Sukel covers a lot of ground in about 250 easy to read and entertaining pages. Worth my time. Also, voles are cute.
May 17, 2023
It started as the best book I've read so far this year, but then it sort of repeated the same dumb joke twice and the reading kind of blurred. I'd promised myself to finishing it, and it did: very good book; had some details (as any good book would), but then again I should've guessed by the title (and I'm no neurosurgeon, but I know one). In the end, I just wished it was more about the reader, I guess. So, almost perfect, as well as enjoyable. Wouldn't re-read it right now, but probably recommend it to a friend or two.
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