"You spoil me by being real. I used to daydream that I’d find a guy who looks at me the way you’re looking at me right now."
"How’s that?" he asks, humor in his brown eyes.
"Like you’re all in, no matter what happens."
I’m a Sarina Bowen fan, I think I’ve read enough of her books to know that. This was, however, my first MM book of hers (yes, I know, I know, I’m late to the party!). And I can’t begin to tell you just how much I adored everything about Roderick and Kieran!
"Having Roderick in my life is like having a fire in the hearth. He warms me even when I can’t see him."
Roderick was everything. The way he is pulled me in: his big heart, the flirty way he deals with stuff, and all the sexual innuendos and jokes (gotta love that!). The fact that he survived his bigoted parents, and an asshole of an ex (when are people going to realize that abuse is so much more than just physical?), and he’s still here, and not giving up.
"I never met anyone like you. I have zero filter, and you’re made of filter. It’s like armor. You never take it off."
It took me a bit longer to like Kieran simply because I’m more like Roderick. It must be so tiring to be Kieran, to make other people believe everything’s OK all the time when it’s really not. To not know who you really are, or if you’re really wanted or loved. Never to let go and just feel your emotions, and see where they lead you. To constantly have a wall around you. I wanted to hug him.
"This is how I am all the time now. He walks into the room, and all my attention goes straight to him. I’ve never felt like that about anyone, and I don’t know how to shut it off."
These two met in high school. Maybe “met” is too strong. Let’s just say Kieran saw Roderick in a compromising situation with another guy in high school. And Roderick also saw him. This makes them both uncomfortable around each other for different reasons, but they weren’t supposed to meet again anyway, so that was fine. Until Roddy’s back in town after a nasty breakup, trying to get his life back in order.
"Kieran laughs, turning his head to the side in that way that he does. As if laughing were a private matter. And it’s just as well, because a full-on smile from him is hotter than the sun."
The sexual tension between them is through the roof. Obviously, Roderick finds him attractive, and being "Gay AF", in his own words, is not very self-conscious or shy about his thoughts (and this is why first person POV is my favorite!). However, Kieran is not sure. There’s attraction, but both of them find themselves fighting it for their particular reasons.
"You make me feel like I could be someone who does things instead of just thinking about them."
Until... they don’t. I mean, they’re working together, and that’s hard enough. But when Kieran realizes Roddy is sleeping in his car, he offers up the empty room at the house he’s renting. Some conversations and cooking lessons, a lot of flirting, and some swoony stuff later, and they finally give in to each other.
It was really heartwarming to see Kieran realizing he is worthy of love, and that he can have it. To see him working on his cuddling skills. To see him become aware that people love him, and care about him, and that happiness is possible.
"With you, it’s never just grocery shopping," I whisper. "I’d go anywhere with you. And I’d do anything for you."
It’s clear for me that these two were meant to be. Their lives were rough, in different ways, but they needed to go through the motions in order to find each other. And their happily ever after, and the epilogue (you can get in on Sarina’s website, btw!) made me really happy.
Love isn't always easy, and sometimes you have to fight for it. Their journey was well worth it.