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Ask Barbara: The 100 Most Asked Questions About Love, Sex, and Relationships
Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., has transformed the lives of millions of people around the world through her bestselling books, award-winning television program, and sold-out seminars. Now she brings that essential advice to you, in the only guide to love you'll need for the nineties and beyond. Offering practical, compassionate guidance on every aspect of love, sex, and intimate relationships, she explores the questions everyone who has ever been in love has asked...and reveals the startling answers that can change your life forever.
Whether your relationship is just beginning, in great shape, or going through a rough time, you can Ask Barbara for the truth about all the intimate, important issues of life and love,
How do you convince a workaholic partner to put more time and energy into a marriage?
Why am I attracted to the wrong "bad boy" type of man, and feel no chemistry with the nice guys?
How can I get my partner to express his feelings to me?
What can I do to really please my partner in bed?
Do one-night stands mean anything?
Is there such a thing as a soul mate? And how will I know when I have found mine?
Whether your relationship is just beginning, in great shape, or going through a rough time, you can Ask Barbara for the truth about all the intimate, important issues of life and love,
How do you convince a workaholic partner to put more time and energy into a marriage?
Why am I attracted to the wrong "bad boy" type of man, and feel no chemistry with the nice guys?
How can I get my partner to express his feelings to me?
What can I do to really please my partner in bed?
Do one-night stands mean anything?
Is there such a thing as a soul mate? And how will I know when I have found mine?
384 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
15 people are currently reading
96 people want to read
About the author
Barbara De Angelis
91 books283 followersBarbara De Angelis Ph.D. is one of the most influential teachers of our time in the field of relationships and personal growth. For the past twenty-five years, she has reached tens of millions of people throughout the world with her positive messages about love, happiness and the search for meaning in our lives. As a best-selling author, popular television personality and sought after motivational speaker, Barbara has been a pioneer in the field of personal transformation as one of the first people to popularize the idea of self-help in the 1980's, and as one of the first nationally recognized female motivational teachers on television.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
September 16, 2021
3.5 stars
This book had a good mix of insightful answers, but also had some (a few) that had oddly strong reactions or were kind of judgmental or not as compassionate as they maybe should have been.
I generally enjoy Barbara DeAngelis' books, and I'm sure I'll be reading more of hers in the future.
I liked the table of contents--organized by section/theme and you can see each individual question to go straight to that page.
Notes
Q14: How do you ate someone to want to change and open up emotionally? (35)
Good answer. Really good letter on page 36.
Q24: Why do I keep choosing unavailable partners? (67-69)
"Until you're emotionally free of this pattern, you might try a Relationship Fast for a while--no dating, no intimate relationships of any kind. This will allow you to become strong in yourself, to spend time healing your old emptiness, and to become clear about the kind of partner you need in your life" (69)
Q25: What signs should I look for in the beginning of a relationship to make sure I don't end up with someone who's bad for me? (70)
"Much of the hurt, heartache, disappointment we experience in love could be avoided if we just paid more attention at the beginning of the relationship. You need to ask lots of questions, look for warning signs of potential problems, and stay focused on what you're looking for/trying to avoid in a partner" (70). Author details 'fatal flaws' in pages 70-73.
Q31: How can you tell if someone's really committed to the relationship? (91)
"On a piece of paper, list all the things you need from your partner, the ways you'd like him to change. In the second column next to each item, write down specifically how he could demonstrate his commitment to fulfilling that need." (92)
Example:
"What I Need: I need him to be more emotionally open with me about his feelings.
How You Could Demonstrate It: Tell me what's bothering you before I have to ask a bunch of times, even if it's a little thing you think isn't important.
Tell me you love me sometimes first, before I say it.
Reach out to take my hand when we are walking somewhere instead of waiting for me to reach out first" (93).
Q45: How can I get over my fear of conflict and be more honest with my partner? (115)
"When you're unable to resolve your angry feelings in a constructive way, those emotions don't just disappear--you store those feelings inside of you. 'Outrage that isn't expressed becomes In-rage. Can you imagine how energy it takes to hold down all that anger? When you're suppressing anger you may feel yourself feeling tired, lifeless, hopeless. You're using up your vital energy to keep the anger from showing." (118-119)
Q46: Critical partner (138-139)
Interesting concept: You act out one parent's role in an attempt to be "loyal" to the other parent and keep them company in their pain. ("Perhaps Mom tongue-lashed Dad constantly, and he was a lovable but pathetic wimp. In trying to be unconsciously loyal to Dad, you choose women like his wife, and tolerate the same abuse he did." (139))
Q47: Is there a way to detect symptoms of trouble in your relationship so you can solve the problems before they get too serious? (140-143)
Four Rs: resistance, resentment, rejection and repression.
Resistance: getting annoyed about little things/habits somebody has/does (talks on phone too much, leaves clothes on floor...)
Resentment: You're not just annoyed, you're angry. Frustrated, a little more unloving and distant from your partner. Finding yourself being more critical. (Also, sex life starts to change - cannot be attracted to someone at whom you feel growing anger. Anger kills passion). (141)
Rejection: means separation, you are not connected in the same way. So much resistance & tension that you pull away (fighting, criticizing, finding yourself attracted to other people, fantasizing about leaving)
Repression: state of emotional numbness - repress negative emotions to numb yourself to be comfortable. Your life goes on, but with no passion. By repressing tension, also repressed joy (142).
Q62: Why don't men know how to touch properly? (184-185)
"They don't know what it feels like, or how it works - they've had to figure it out for themselves unless some other woman before you educated them".
Q81: How can I learn to trust men again? (236-237)
"I know that you think of yourself as a victim, but I have a saying - 'it takes two people to create an accident - one to drive the truck and the other to lie down in the road and say 'it's okay to run me over'.' You have your power away to this man - it's time to take it back. Leaving is the first step; acknowledging that you gave him power to hurt you is the second." (237)
This book had a good mix of insightful answers, but also had some (a few) that had oddly strong reactions or were kind of judgmental or not as compassionate as they maybe should have been.
I generally enjoy Barbara DeAngelis' books, and I'm sure I'll be reading more of hers in the future.
I liked the table of contents--organized by section/theme and you can see each individual question to go straight to that page.
Notes
Q14: How do you ate someone to want to change and open up emotionally? (35)
Good answer. Really good letter on page 36.
Q24: Why do I keep choosing unavailable partners? (67-69)
"Until you're emotionally free of this pattern, you might try a Relationship Fast for a while--no dating, no intimate relationships of any kind. This will allow you to become strong in yourself, to spend time healing your old emptiness, and to become clear about the kind of partner you need in your life" (69)
Q25: What signs should I look for in the beginning of a relationship to make sure I don't end up with someone who's bad for me? (70)
"Much of the hurt, heartache, disappointment we experience in love could be avoided if we just paid more attention at the beginning of the relationship. You need to ask lots of questions, look for warning signs of potential problems, and stay focused on what you're looking for/trying to avoid in a partner" (70). Author details 'fatal flaws' in pages 70-73.
Q31: How can you tell if someone's really committed to the relationship? (91)
"On a piece of paper, list all the things you need from your partner, the ways you'd like him to change. In the second column next to each item, write down specifically how he could demonstrate his commitment to fulfilling that need." (92)
Example:
"What I Need: I need him to be more emotionally open with me about his feelings.
How You Could Demonstrate It: Tell me what's bothering you before I have to ask a bunch of times, even if it's a little thing you think isn't important.
Tell me you love me sometimes first, before I say it.
Reach out to take my hand when we are walking somewhere instead of waiting for me to reach out first" (93).
Q45: How can I get over my fear of conflict and be more honest with my partner? (115)
"When you're unable to resolve your angry feelings in a constructive way, those emotions don't just disappear--you store those feelings inside of you. 'Outrage that isn't expressed becomes In-rage. Can you imagine how energy it takes to hold down all that anger? When you're suppressing anger you may feel yourself feeling tired, lifeless, hopeless. You're using up your vital energy to keep the anger from showing." (118-119)
Q46: Critical partner (138-139)
Interesting concept: You act out one parent's role in an attempt to be "loyal" to the other parent and keep them company in their pain. ("Perhaps Mom tongue-lashed Dad constantly, and he was a lovable but pathetic wimp. In trying to be unconsciously loyal to Dad, you choose women like his wife, and tolerate the same abuse he did." (139))
Q47: Is there a way to detect symptoms of trouble in your relationship so you can solve the problems before they get too serious? (140-143)
Four Rs: resistance, resentment, rejection and repression.
Resistance: getting annoyed about little things/habits somebody has/does (talks on phone too much, leaves clothes on floor...)
Resentment: You're not just annoyed, you're angry. Frustrated, a little more unloving and distant from your partner. Finding yourself being more critical. (Also, sex life starts to change - cannot be attracted to someone at whom you feel growing anger. Anger kills passion). (141)
Rejection: means separation, you are not connected in the same way. So much resistance & tension that you pull away (fighting, criticizing, finding yourself attracted to other people, fantasizing about leaving)
Repression: state of emotional numbness - repress negative emotions to numb yourself to be comfortable. Your life goes on, but with no passion. By repressing tension, also repressed joy (142).
Q62: Why don't men know how to touch properly? (184-185)
"They don't know what it feels like, or how it works - they've had to figure it out for themselves unless some other woman before you educated them".
Q81: How can I learn to trust men again? (236-237)
"I know that you think of yourself as a victim, but I have a saying - 'it takes two people to create an accident - one to drive the truck and the other to lie down in the road and say 'it's okay to run me over'.' You have your power away to this man - it's time to take it back. Leaving is the first step; acknowledging that you gave him power to hurt you is the second." (237)
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May 13, 2023یک سخنرانی طولانی که میتونید یک نفس بخونید
اون چیزی که توی دسکریپشن کتاب اومده رو رها کنید موضوع به صورت کلی درباره روابطه
توی بخش پرسش و پاسخ های این کتاب چیزی رو خوندم که عمیقاً منو به فکر برد و حتی اشک منو درآورد... جالب بود واسم
اون چیزی که توی دسکریپشن کتاب اومده رو رها کنید موضوع به صورت کلی درباره روابطه
توی بخش پرسش و پاسخ های این کتاب چیزی رو خوندم که عمیقاً منو به فکر برد و حتی اشک منو درآورد... جالب بود واسم
February 26, 2024
I have bought this book on Amazon September 2023 as used. It contains 341 pages.
The book was written in 1997 (almost 30 years ago) and is more I think applicable to that generation of Baby Boomers (born between 1943 and 1960).
I like Barbara's style: easy written, good quality sentences and her advice.
Iit would be great to have an update to new Gen Y and Gen Z.
The book was written in 1997 (almost 30 years ago) and is more I think applicable to that generation of Baby Boomers (born between 1943 and 1960).
I like Barbara's style: easy written, good quality sentences and her advice.
Iit would be great to have an update to new Gen Y and Gen Z.
December 16, 2018
Interesting insights into how to build and maintain healthy relationships and how to manage bad ones.
May 30, 2024
3.5 stars. Some of the advice was astonishingly accurate. Some was outdated. Interesting either way.
August 5, 2020
A few old, somewhat sexist ideas but for the most part very informative
May 18, 2012
Wow! Who would think that many other people ask the same questions about love, sex and relationships. The book made me feel and realize that I was not alone. Great book that I kept to loan out to other people.
November 9, 2008
كتابي بسيار نعركه كه به خيلي از سئوالات ما پاسخ داده است
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews