The Neuroscience of Self-Love: Raised

by Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa

Thoughts and moods are chemical reactions in your brain that you might think you are powerless to control. But modern science has shown beyond doubt that changing your behaviour and thought patterns can rewire the neurological pathways of your brain to literally change how you think, feel and view yourself. Thought; moods; rewiwirning brain pattens; practical tools; exercises; positive thinking; exercise; meditation; In The Neuroscience of Self-Love, Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa takes the theory out of neuroscience and gives you practical tools and exercises to create a new self that is happier, more balanced and less dependent on others for validation. By re-engineering your habits, optimising your decision-making, curbing negative thoughts and harnessing the power of exercise and meditation, you will become more centred, connected and creative, and learn how to trust, prioritise and truly love yourself.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Neuroscience, Mental Health

160 pages, Paperback

Published March 20, 2023

About the author

Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa is the host of the hit podcast Do You F*cking Mind? and author of the bestselling book Be Bold. She became interested in the link between physical exercise and brain health through her work as a Pilates instructor and personal trainer, which led her to further her studies of the brain by undertaking a Master of Neuroscience. She is passionate about helping people change their relationships with themselves by understanding how their brains work on a physical and chemical level, and how the brain can be altered through changing behaviors, habits and thought patterns.

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

To some extent, this book was very specific, and it's not for everyone. It very much focuses on fitness and career goals and self-love as a "boss girl" thing, which always puts me a little on edge. That being said, I really enjoyed what it taught me from a neuroscience perspective about what it means to focus on yourself, and how that actually works in your brain.

From this book, I learned that if you have a goal, and you want to meet it, you need to face up to actually making damn sure you prioritise it. You can't just expect it to happen. This book is tough in that respect, but also it's completely true. If you don't make your goals a priority - by putting them first in your day, and by being very cognisant of the viability of your excuses, and by therefore thinking through why you're being led to think this way - you won't get anywhere with them.

This book also makes it very clear what effect dopamine has on your body, and how badly it can affect you to seek the short-rush dopamine from social media. The author is quite blunt, but it finally got across to me the things that I'd been reading in news stories for many years - social media is bad for your mental health, yes, we all know this, but why? It's because it makes your brain get an immediate reward, and makes you less motivated to actually seek a substantial reward of any description. This is why social media in the morning is particularly bad - you start your day off at a mental disadvantage by immediately exposing yourself to something that lowers your dopamine for the rest of the day.

I learned a lot, and it's the kind of book I think I'll read again for reference. I think it brushes the surface of a lot of important concepts (for example it doesn't go particularly deeply into meditating, unlike the Joy On Demand book does) and I responded well to it because I already agreed with a lot of its concepts. I would imagine that if anyone who is newer in their journey towards self-improvement or self-love might be put off by how gung-ho this book is. And that's not a bad thing - it just means that some people, it will really help, and others it might turn away. It's worth it for the people it has helped.

[Carmen · Rating 2 out of 5]

TL;DR you need to do moderate to intense levels of exercise throughout your week for your brain and body.

The main reason I'm giving this a low rating is because it portrays itself as a science-based book, but it doesn't actually provide any references for its claims. There are a few in-text references to papers, but nothing beyond a last name and date (basically useless to go learn more). The references are few and far between, and often missing entirely. So instead of having a book about the neuroscience of self-love, it's just a typical self-help book with a couple chapters on neurochemicals to give you the illusion of science based advice.

For the most part the advice was rather standard - e.g. exercise, meditate, prioritise what matters to you, build good habits, do what you tell yourself you're gonna do. These were largely lacking meaningful science based reasoning, and seemed rather ignorant in the way that people aren't already doing it because it's difficult, not because they're stupid.

A lot of the second half of the book made me roll my eyes because the advice boiled down to "in my opinion" and "just do it!". Having a degree doesn't mean your opinion is inherently science based.

The most scientifically supported advice was to do moderate to intense levels of exercise (for multiple neurochemical reasons). So if you want to take the best advice from this book without reading it, exercise is the answer.

[Kate Steven · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick and easy read with great suggestions and an encouraging tone.

The “self-love” part of the title is a bit misleading I think, although not in a way that turned me off. The phrase “self-love” to me conjures something more like The Body is Not an Apology (challenging the status quo to embrace more empowering beliefs about ourselves).

But this author writes about applying self-love in more strategic, practical ways: as in it’s self-loving to have positive routines, to practice good sleep hygiene, and to challenge our confirmation biases. It’s looking at self-love as a verb as opposed to a warm fuzzy feeling (besides “the neuroscience of making decisions that generally support your well-being” would have been a little wordy 😉).

[Sara Groulx-Ferland · Rating 4 out of 5]

In my self-help books era!! J'essaye super fort de m'aimer (enfin), je ferme les yeux et me le répète à voix basse, mais je peine à me convaincre. Surtout, j'essaye de guérir mon anxiété pour qu'elle cesse de me définir. Disclaimer : je ne suis pas sortie du bois, mais je suis incontestablement dans la forêt.

Mais la réhabilitation est plus houleuse pour certain.e.s d'entre nous. C'est donc réconfortant de lire que ce n'est pas par manque de volonté que nos tentatives sont parfois inefficaces, mais plutôt par neurochimie. Il existe donc des moyens de reprogrammer le cerveau. C'est confrontant en criss, mais ça vaut la peine. Il y a des bons trucs dans le livre, même si je trouve que certains passages présentent la solution comme une évidence ABSOLUE, et ça manque un peu d'empathie (un peu comme The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck). Mais des fois faut arrêter de s'appuyer sur notre sort, sinon on demeure dans un état de victimisation et on cesse d'avancer (c'est correct aussi de stagner, des fois). Je partage parce que je sais que celleux qui me suivent sont comme moi parfois confronté.e.s à l'anxiété, à la pression de performance, au sentiment d'imposteur. Et je trouve ça tragique, parce que vous êtes à mes yeux des êtres qui méritent de s'aimer totalement.

[Jaclyn Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new here if you’ve ever read a self help/ habits-focused book.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick and easy read which is great for a more direct and simplified approach to some general tips and information about how your brain processes things. For something that had “the neuroscience of…” in the title, I was hoping for something a little more in depth and technical in the scientific side of things, with more references, deeper explanations etc.

[Keira Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am trying to read more self development books in 2025 and surprised myself by how much I enjoyed this! It was straight to the point and empowering, with practical reminders and tips of how to bring more self love into your daily life.

[Jess Jackson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audio-booked this one because I’m always up for a bit of self reflection and honestly felt pretty empowered to implement a few small things by the end of it. Was sceptical as felt like this was going to be “just another self-help book” but the easy to digest science behind our brains and the practicality of the exercises made this book quite a good one to listen to. Lots to think about and some great re-framing of ingrained ideas about self love practices, habits, rituals, internal narratives and other pacifiers that hinder our resilience. Pleasantly surprised.

[P R · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find it hard to read or take seriously a book purporting to be based in evidence-based neuroscience that doesn’t site sources or studies… this book occupies a very odd space between “oddly rambling and adjacent to an Instagram post that claims to know science” to “ probably not palatable for the average person who doesn’t work in health/science”. I like books to be conversational and limited in unnecessary medical jargon, but it was hard to take this seriously (or even trust it’s claims). Possibly a good book for a layman, but I felt like it was the book version of an Instagram post… her second edition should include cited sources, and I would rate this higher

[Dezky Oka · Rating 3 out of 5]

A slap followed by a hug. This book shows us exactly why we think we are unworthy and how to rewrite that toxic narrative is our responsibility.

This book was like a brutally honest friend who wants the best for you.

A little book that is worth your time, honestly.

[Georgina Laybutt · Rating 2 out of 5]

A good reminder of things and I enjoyed the neuroscience aspect. But overall in terms of self-help, not many new ideas were presented it was all pretty predictable and obvious.

[Ana Copping · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really solid foundation and great intro into how our brain functions and how we attribute self worth from past experiences. Great techniques and tools to be able to improve your own self love in very easily actionable steps.

Selfishly I would have loved more, however I can appreciate how this is a great read for someone wanting to help themselves and is after a no BS approach of doing it but may be overwhelmed by big books.

A great podcaster and very well written author. I enjoyed the read but further exploration would have really sealed the deal.

[Sarah Battersby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I loved how this book combined science and logic to emotions, thoughts, feeling, patterns and behaviours. I felt like this was the perfect was for my brain to recognise things within myself and understand it. Exercises were placed throughout the book to put what had been read into action, or think of how it relates to you. I actually got to the point of highlighting this book (unheard of for me) and will be re-reading soon to soak up even more of it. Highly recommend

[kaitlyns_library · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book insightful, but only read it because it was gifted to me by a friend.
This was also very millennial, which I found hard to relate to.

[Suzie B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very readable but scientific look at self help and the way our brain can be re-wired by changing our behaviours and thoughts. There are many practical exercises included to make the necessary changes accessible for all. The tone of the book is very encouraging, supportive, relatable and understanding.

[Ana · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you’ve read a self help book (or listened to a podcast, or read a longish psychology article…) published within the last few years, then you’ll be familiar with a lot of what the author recommends.

Don’t start off your day with social media, don’t look at screens about an hour before going to bed, etc.

But then she gets into more in depth recommendations and that’s when she lost me.

In one chapter, she mentions that in order to accomplish anything you dream of doing - i.e. write a book - then you need to set aside some time first thing in the morning, lest you be too tired and demotivated by the end of your day - after you’ve done all the “responsible” things you need to get to - to do the task you most want to.

This in itself is not bad advice - most advice on writing recommends writing first thing in the morning.

But then in a subsequent chapter, she mentions how important it is to get the hard, necessary everyday tasks done first thing in the morning, to get them done with and out of your head.

So which is it?

Do I do the task that I most want to do first thing or do I do the hardest/most boring task first thing?

There was also a lot of “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of writing, fully ignoring the concept of humans having different kinds of brains, i.e. being neurodivergent or heaven forbid, having chronic illnesses.

It started to feel incredibly ableist so I can’t really recommend it to anyone who’s struggling due to physical and/or mental struggles. If anything, this book could end up making you feel worse.

[Cat · Rating 3 out of 5]

For someone in a recovery, self growth moment this is a read with some useful nuggets of wisdom but the underpinning mental health boot camp feel of it raised my anxiety a bit, so it wouldn't be for everyone. It def came from the privileged angle of expecting you can exercise without drama, not being aware of any possible impact of neurodiversity, and definitely not addressing at all systematic societal stressors. That said, if you, like me, struggle with self esteem it definitely has some useful points to scribble down and take to heart.

[N Willow · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book isn't really well written . There's an unnecessary amount of cursing which takes away from the intellect of the book. Nothing groundbreaking about this book either

[Hannah LiRosi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gave me lots to think about. Really easy to read and clear perspective on why we do certain thinks so love ourselves or self sabotage.

[Kristy Knowles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have not really read or listened to many self-help books. Therefore, I'm not entirely confident with my rating ability due to my limited experience.

I am also biased when it comes to Alexis. I was an avid listener of her podcast "Do You F***king Mind?" in my late twenties. I think Alexis is a person who kicks goals and I am inspired by her professional life.

As someone who has studied psychology, the current novel was a nice refresher on brain chemicals and how they work, and Alexis went over a chemical I had not heard of previously. Unfortunately, it did not sink into my brain!

Parts of the book did not resonate with me, and I found that I zoned out easily, especially the parts about self-love. I was completely zoned in when it came to sections about our habits and how our brain is working in the background.

Overall, I have definitely noticed a change in how I've felt today since implementing a few of her suggestions, such as no phone in the morning or evening for an hour before bed.

A nice easy book to listen to in my spare time.

[Natalie Kirby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think was a cute and easy little book to read that provided an interesting connection between our psychology and the biology of our brain. Through this perspective, the author shifts the idea of our mental experience from being due to chance to being a result of these very explainable biological processes that we can actually control through our behaviours and thoughts.
This book also provided some strategies and ideas to improve your happiness and create a more fulfilling life rather than falling into traps as a result of going through life on autopilot. Since the book focuses on controlling biological processes going on, it doesn’t try to blame you for not trying hard enough but instead encourages you to push past assumptions and comfort to make necessary changes.

I really liked it!

[Kathyanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eat well.
Exercise.
Make habits.
Journal.
BREAK PATTERNS.
START EVERYDAY ANEW.
Forgive yourself.
Do not compare.
We know all this, but somehow backing it with science makes it more potent.

Also something that is beginning to stick, but is interesting to me is how much humans want to predict and control and know. We study and learn and call things absolute, usually by generalization. These broad statements become true because we look for evidence that they are. Not because they are in fact true.

Everything is new. Anything can happen.
Why not start now?

[Brit · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of self help books but I really loved how simply all the science and exercises were laid out in this book. This short book contained incredible realistic information and insights that I will be employing in the future and I believe for years to come. A wonderful book for anyone to read if they would like a simple overview of neuroscience and how this impacts your emotions and overall self worth.
Brilliant!!

[Annettesbookbanter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatively quick read (or listen) with helpful exercises to implement and reflect on what you learn. Good amount of scientific explanation on how things work and why certain things make a difference for benefit or detriment.

[Zee Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

loved it! didn’t feel self-helpy for most of the book - maybe a little towards the end was heavy on the mediate-and-exercise-daily spectrum of self help books, but i loved knowing the science behind the chemicals in our brain and how to use that knowledge to my advantage.

[Zoe Parker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm yeah, didn’t love this. It wasn’t bad by any means, but didn’t give me anything that I feel like I’ll really take on to be honest. It was cool and interesting listening to the science going on in our brains though 🧠

[Rehanna Foster · Rating 2 out of 5]

While not groundbreaking, it’s still a helpful reminder of healthy habits. The swearing felt excessive and distracted from the message. Despite the title, it lacks the scientific backing I expected and is more opinion than neuroscience.

[Natasha Rutledge]

I’d definitely read this again

[Kelly Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many things in this book hit home. Will read again and do the exercises at the same time.

[Chelsy Blakey · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 🌟