Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption

by William Cope Moyers, Katherine Ketcham

From rock bottom to recovery—the son of veteran broadcaster Bill Moyers chronicles his life- shattering battle with addiction and the hard-won fight for recovery

William Cope Moyers has come a long, long way. In 1994, he lay on the floor of an Atlanta crack house. His father had put together a search party. His worried family waited at home where Moyers had left them when he embarked on yet another binge. From that lowly, drug-hazed night, Moyers went on to become an executive at the Hazelden Foundation and travels far and wide to talk about addiction and treatment.

Broken tells the story of what happened between then and now—from growing up the privileged son of Bill Moyers to his descent into alcoholism and drug addiction, his numerous stabs at getting clean, his many relapses, and how he managed to survive. Harrowing and wrenching, Broken paints a picture of a man with every advantage who nonetheless found himself spiraling into a dark and life-threatening abyss. But unlike other memoirs of its kind, Broken emerges into the clear light of Moyers’s recovery as he dedicates his life to changing the politics of addiction. Beautifully written with a deep underlying spirituality, this is a missive of hope for the scores of Americans struggling with addiction—and an honest and inspiring account that proves the spiritual insight that we are strongest at the broken places.

Genres: Memoir, Addiction, Nonfiction, Psychology, Autobiography, Biography, Mental Health

384 pages, Hardcover

First published September 21, 2006

Reviews

[Travel Writing · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you have never known an addict first hand, then this book is the perfect self-indulgent, Jesus loves me, my parents are rich, and everything turns out wonderfully perfect- memoir to start with.

Good:
The story of addiction cannot be shared enough by many different perspectives. Cope has a very particular perspective on addiction and how he maneuvered through life as an addict.

Drudge:
This is the Disney version of addiction. Cope had every opportunity handed to him and he always took the route out by blaming his father and relapsing. He cheated on his wife while in rehab (no surprise) yet, he insists he never screwed a hooker, dealer, or addict while flopping in dope dens for weeks at a time.

If you are going to write a memoir- do so honestly or don't do it. This reads like a Christian pamphlet on addiction- and it ends with Cope pontificating.

A druggie has many things to teach me- that Jesus is the only way to rehab is not one of them.

Cope also snivels at every turn that the only reason he was given any opportunities is due to his fathers fame. He is the son of Bill Moyers. And then Cope is offered a full-time position at Hazelden, the world famous rehab center that he went to. Of all the thousands of people who have went through Hazelden I doubt many are offered full time positions on staff. Cope only whines about his fathers connections when it suits him.

The book needed tighter editing- it is repetitious.

[Juliet Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was tough because the author is very honest about his struggles and recovery but lost me at the whole God stuff. I just couldn't connect to that but respect his choices and how he found the key to recovery. It is well written and honest if a little idyllic.

[Michelle Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book t be interesting, sad and disturbing.

I have never read a first person narrative of addiction that I found more interesting.
Honestly, I did get really aggravated with Moyers when he continued to throw away chances at recovery. It was hard to reconcile this man from a privileged background deliberately placing himself in harms way just to get at crack cocaine. It was also hard for me to sympathize with him, at times, when he was surrounded by people who loved him and were willing to help him and see him not just disregard their overtures but find ways to see himself as a victim, as opposed to a willing participant in his own downfall.

This is a hard book to go through. I took several breaks when the content got to be too much for me.

I liked Moyers, as a person, I was sad for his ordeal but I felt even worse for his family and children.

I understand that addiction is considered to be a disease, however, I will say honestly, that at the end of the book when he continued to equate his addictions to cancer (breast cancer, skin cancer) I was offended deeply by that. I can honor his issues but for me they are not the same at all. He made decisions that led to prolonging his addictive behavior. No one wakes up and gets a diagnosis of crack cocaine addiction. There are personal choices that come in to play. With breast cancer, one just finds a lump or a doctor does. When Moyers or anyone else makes this comparison, it feels as if they are diminishing the real tragedy of cancer and diseases that are not tied to personal choices in the same way that addiction is.

As a person that has lost a family member to cancer, as many of us have, I just could not respect that part of the book. It made me really uncomfortable and I'm sorry, I don't agree with Mr. Moyers' comparison. I know many people with disagree with me but I am just writing about my feelings with the book and his insistence on categorizing addiction as a disease like cancer. It put me off, I don't agree. I am not judging addiction I just don't think one should try to legitimize the issue by diminishing the unintended tragedy of a cancer that is more than likely not related to lifestyle choices.

Overall, I found this to be an interesting read related to a devastating chronic issue that affect many people.
The letters that are interspersed all throughout the book, give insight into the thought process of Cope and his father.

I did feel that Cope was really hard on himself in more of the narratives.

[Lysa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is engaging enough to keep you reading but it has serious flaws. For one thing, I think it could have benefitted from some more editing - the author repeats himself a lot and not always even in a markedly different way - sometimes he'll literally say the same thing three times within a chapter. I only need to hear how lonely recovery is or how much harder living sober is than living as an addict once to assimilate, regardless of how long or how much repetition it might have taken for him to originally learn it. He often relies on journal entries from the early days of his first round of sobriety for narrative which would be fine if they were well-written but they tend to be fairly maudlin and not exactly brimming with insight, which makes sense considering his subsequent relapses. What kills me is that before, during and after the time of these journal entries, the man was a successful journalist! Other than the intermittent repetition and some pat internal monologues, this book can be interesting for non-addicts to follow and get a shallow understanding of Cope's experience but I wouldn't think it would be of much use to someone actually suffering from addiction or in recovery.

[Debby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am drawn to read books about and memoirs of addiction and recovery out of a desire to see if someone else can explain the concept of addiction as a "disease" in a manner that makes sense to me.
William Cope Moyers, his parents (he is the oldest son of journalist Bill Moyers) and eventually Cope's wife and chilfren have quite a roler coaster of a ride in dealing with his addiction to alcohol and smoking crack. Cope is very self-disclosing and brutally honest as he tells his story of addiction, his degrading and devastating relapses and his trips into rehab before he "got it". I won't tell you how many tiems he went into rehab. You'll have to read teh book to find that out. Though I will say, throughout the book I wondered "who's payiing for this rehab?"

Cope Moyers story didn't really get me any closer to the "disease" line of thought regarding addiction. However, I did find his story compelling in it's honesty regarding relapsing and it's consequences. I was captivated by his family's love and devotion to him despite all he took them through.

I am glad I read the book and have found it thought-provoking.

[Ana-Sophia · Rating 1 out of 5]

i would never voluntarily read this book, there are much better memoirs on addiction out there. honestly kind of peeved my professor assigned this book.

[Olivia Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg my heart ❤️

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read in my opinion.

I’m not much of a memoir person but this story of addiction hit a chord for me and I wanted to be reading it constantly. I have a newfound appreciation for the work it takes to stay get sober and stay sober.

[Abby Frucht · Rating 3 out of 5]

My feelings while reading this crack addiction memoir alternated between an ungenerous disdain for the author's selfishness, shock at his sudden and literally thoughtless propensity to trade family, job, and years of hard won sobriety for 6 days in a crack house, and respect for the fact that addition is an illness. Thus my feelings about Moyer's story mirrored what I might feel for that of a loved one who is in that situation - frustration, dismay, horror, fear, pain, pain, pain, hope, crushing disappointment, anger, respect, and hope once again. there's a scene at the end of the memoir in which Moyers revisits the old crack neighborhood he holed up in before his current, longterm sobriety, a neighborhood that is now the home of office buildings, store fronts, condos ,and apartment buildings. I wondered what would have happened to Moyers, even now, had the old crack house still been there. I wonder if he would have ducked right into it without a second thought, under the spell of his addiction, the way he did so many times before. I would like to have heard him speculate on this question.
His story differs from that of many addicts by virtue of his privilege, which is something that, to his credit, he reminds us frequently.
The book's opening about his family history is eminently expendable, not least because it showcases the stock stylistic choices made by the book's ghost writer. Those choices take a back seat to earthier ones when the story enters addiction territory.

[Todd · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author needs a 12-step program to deal with his arrogance and elitism. His incessant whining and inability to remember that his recovery behavior and his long-term addiction nearly costs his parents their sanity. I listened to him talk at a training and found him to be an incessant bore, much like I saw the book.



He could learn much from his father.

[Corinne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listened to most of this audio book in the car with my sister. I would not recommend this book.

[Rachel Stephens · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars – “This misunderstood disease still thrives in the shadows of public intolerance and private shame.”

I read this memoir for a class and thought it was a great example of a story of recovering addiction that included a lot of stumbling and doubts. I would have loved if he had talked more about the nature of public policies surrounding addiction at the time he was writing and where he hopes it goes in the future.

[Lars Assen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it in 2 days, and was absolutely hooked

[Nitya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Almost done with this riveting tale of one man's journey into the darkest depths of addiction. Despite a loving family, a wife who loves him, a good job as a journalist, and a spritual upbringing as the son of Bill Moyers, Cope Moyers found himself unable to refrain from his addiction to crack.
As he recounts his journey, (beginning with being summoned from an Atlanta crackhouse by his father, who has arrived with 2 off duty policemen to yet again, rescue him from his disease), the author uses letters written by his father, his mother, his wife, and letters he wrote while struggling to get clean.
I was most touched by the letters from his father- for the love and concern he expresses so eloquently touched me very deeply. That one can be so loved yet still so full of self-hatred and self destructive behavior...well, it truly speaks of the power of addiction.
The author is brutally honest as he describes how his denial and rationalization and how his lack of honesty led to several relapses. What a relief when he finally "gets it." This just goes to show you that anyone can recover, IF they have the capacity to be honest. Way to go Mr. Moyers. I am so happy for you.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

While Moyers' story was interesting, the story got pretty introspective and boring, like every addiction memoir ever written. Once he entered rehab for the first time, every page afterward is heavy-handed and thick with philosophies about the nature of addiction. He quotes liberally from recovery handbooks, too, which I found annoying. "Let Go and Let God?" That's neat, but you don't have to repeat it five times in two chapters.

I wish every addict in America didn't have to write a damn memoir.

[Dayna · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read for the first half, but then it gets too much into describing AA; since AA doesn't change, this is virtually the same as many other books/movies. Also, about half-way through the book, the author's selfish ways got on my nerves, and I started empathizing with everyone else in the book other than him. Not a good sign - he has the mic, and I still don't like him?! *sigh* Still, overall I was glad I read at least the first half. It would be a great read for someone who is into presidential history/backstory.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't a bad book but, in my mind, it didn't hold a candle to other stories of addiction, such as "Beautiful Boy" by David Scheff. The tone was very self-congratulatory at times and melodramatic, particularly when Moyers refers to himself as "intimately experienced" with cancer after having a mole removed. Too many rhetorical questions and little discussion of where all the money comes from for Moyers to buy houses, fly across the country, and afford rehab while he lives the life of a junkie.

[Matthew Kading · Rating 5 out of 5]

Knowing Bill Moyers in his capacity as a VP at the Hazelden Foundation, it's hard to believe that it's the same man...but you quickly realize it is, and that he's telling his story from the deepest recesses of his heart....it's the non- fiction equivalent of "A Million Little Pieces"...A good man, a great story and read about the bad disease afflicting him and his recovery and redemption from those dark and dangerous places many of us travel-some never to return.

[Maureen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book needed some serious editing. Moyers' story is authentic and well told, but for someone who wanted to be out of his father's shadow, he includes more of his father's letters than was necessary. It is his story, not his father's.

[Tammy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Couldn't finish this one - too nice and neat for my liking.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. His story seems interesting enough, I think it was his presentation. It's a recovery book, an AA book, but that doesn't mean it was good. It was boring. Very boring.

[Debbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book started out good, but then it started to drag. He is very repetitive in his story telling.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

He reiterated so much that I got bored! This would have been a good editorial piece for a magazine but just didn't make it as a book.

[Kuklaguera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good but I kind of lost interest & didn't finish it

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

not a bad book. you can tell that moyers is a journalist and not an author (the ghost writer didn't help much to make the story telling any better).

learned a lot about addiction

[Kathy Cobb · Rating 3 out of 5]

eh - it was ok. I felt like this didn't go anywhere but back and forth to rehab. But perhaps that's the point of the book.

[Jan Byrne · Rating 4 out of 5]

crazy to think a man of his importance got to the level....

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book wasn't terrible, though I did feel I was trudging through it at times. I just couldn't work up to liking the author and, since this is a memoir, that pretty much killed the book for me.

[ameliehannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for my behavioral pharmacology class, which gave me a different reading experience than the one I would’ve had if I had simply picked this off of a shelf to get some non-fiction reading in. I enjoyed this book, and it was consistent and easy enough to grasp that I was able to pull a full point 6-page essay about it out of my a** in one night, despite the story containing many many years of back and forth (although they could probably all be considered as steps forward). I would’ve appreciated less repetition and less jesus promotion, but considering I am always hard on non-fiction, I will grant 4 stars on my silly little rating scale.
I tried to read this book through an objective length, but it was hard to not get angry and upset at William given my personal experiences and family history with the matter. I do believe that this taught me some things, and I am glad my professor decided to give this to us to put our theoretical knowledge of substance abuse into real-world context. I’ll try to turn some of the advice William gives into actions for my own life.

Some paragraphs I highlighted and don’t want to forget about once I return this book:

“Years later, I still have those dreams. I know there's a scientific explanation related to drug-damaged nerve cells gone permanently hay-wire, but for me those dreams have more to do with the soul than the brain. They illuminate the yearning for wholeness, for perfection, for making everything feel good and right again. They're about the deepest human hunger and thirst to experience rapture, joy, heaven. Dreaming, I want it all to be good again. I want to be back in Wilmer, free, unencumbered, at peace with myself. And if those longings were all neatly packaged and tied up in my brain with no leakage into my heart or soul, I'd be able to talk myself out of them. "Come on, William," I'd say to myself, "that's ridiculous, you know what it's like in those crack houses, you don't want to go back there." So while these dreams may originate in my drug-deranged brain, they are fixed and fired in the furnace of my soul, way under my rib cage, in a place where CAT scans and PET scans can't penetrate.” (pg. 207)

“I don't blame my parents. What was true for them is still true today for a lot of parents, because all the cutting-edge science and groundbreaking research about addiction still can't overcome the shame and stigma that prevent families from seeing what is directly in front of them. It's so much easier and more socially acceptable to talk about a "problem" than an "addiction," a "mistake" than a pattern of out-of-control behavior, a "defiant act" rather than conduct that defies rationalization. When young people look healthy and relatively happy on the outside, how could they possibly be suffering from a chronic, progressive, inevitably fatal disease? If morals and values have been an integral part of their upbringing if they come from a
"good" family- aren't they protected against addiction and shouldn't they find the strength within themselves to turn their backs on drugs? And when families do suspect something more than what they see, where do they turn for help? In my case, the legal system responded with the same "he's a good kid, it's just a mistake" rationalizations. Why argue with that?” (pg. 73)

“The war on drugs must shift from an obsessive focus on trying to reduce the supply through interdiction and criminal justice to promoting what works the best- recovery. Perhaps someday that will happen. In the meantime, people addicted to alcohol and other drugs, their loved ones and the communities where they live, are desperate for help. And that's the real reason those of us in recovery and our families must stand up and put our faces on the solution. This misunderstood disease still thrives in the shadows of public intolerance and private shame. When we speak out, we become beacons of hope and pathways to help for addicts and alcoholics who don't know where else to turn. I've learned this over and over again. From e-mails, letters, and phone calls at work to unannounced visits on the front porch or in the living room of my house in St. Paul, in my story people find the permission they desperately need to open up and tell their own stories, taking that first step on the road to recovery. For many of them, it's the first time they've ever known of an alcoholic and drug addict they can relate to, and they rarely stop sharing until they've squeezed out every ounce of pain, anger, fear, and frustration. Most of their stories end with the question, "Can you please help me?"” (pg. 367)

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good story well told. Like other reviewers who wrote about how Moyers often seems to whine without taking full responsibility for his actions or without truly appreciating his privileged status, I also took note of his self-centered perspective and background. However, I read this book for what I could glean from it and not for what I could criticize. There's a lot of great stuff here! For anyone who might be interested, below I have listed eight basic categories of quotes that I feel have much to say to any of us who might fall prey to addictive and compulsive behaviors, or who know others who are addicted and/or recovering from addiction (that would be everyone!):

1. WHY ADDICTS GET ADDICTED AND STAY ADDICTED: Alcohol had become my new best friend, and I came to rely on it, need it, and love it as much as the marijuana...." ( p. 45). Cocaine was my running buddy, my soul mate, my faithful lover, my reliable colleague, my fun-loving playmate who tagged along everywhere I went. "Alcohol and cocaine were always there for me, they never let me down " (p. 185). " The brain cells actually adapt their structure and their functioning-so that when an addicted person feels anxious, nervous, angry, or afraid, the brain sends out a little messenger that says, "Hey, remember how good it was when you used cocaine, let's do that again!" (201).

2. HOW IT FEELS WHEN ADDICTS ARE ADDICTED: "I knew exactly what I was doing, but I had no idea why I was doing it" (p. 50). "I felt so dirty, so ugly inside and out" (p. 53). "My guilt was intense, monstrous, and it fed my addiction in ways that I did not and could not understand" (134).

3. ADDICTS AND EMOTIONS: "The demons lurking in the basement of my soul... whatever was down there scared the hell out of me. I wanted to run away from whatever was "bumping" to get out and never think about it again. Escape was what I was after, not confrontation" (p. 64). "I was only dimly aware of these deeper feelings" (145). "The daily routine grounded me: getting up at the same time every day, making my bed, cleaning my room, doing my assigned chores... eating three meals a day, meditating, exercising... but those damn emotions kept tripping me up" (167). "I wanted life to not hurt so much, and I was trying to figure out how to manipulate and control my life so that I could avoid pain" (201). "Things were wearing down inside, but I didn't dare let anyone look under the hood" (206). "While researchers and scientists tell us that our disease originates somewhere in the brain, it also lingers in the deepest regions of the human soul" (348).

4. HOW ADDICTS DECEIVE AND ARE DECEIVED: "I truly believed I could make up for everything by proving that I was stronger and more resilient now that I knew exactly what I was facing... now that I knew what I was facing I could rise above it and move beyond it (p. 134). "Lies and untruths were so deeply woven into the fabric of my everyday life" (p. 140). "Denial is self-deception...there was a deeper level of denial which entailed self-deception. I could not accept the identity that was so clearly mine to claim: addict" ( p. 173). "You are only as sick as your secrets... and you can't afford any more secrets... They're gonna kill you" (225). "I didn't' tell anyone about my cravings because I didn't want them to see the weakness inside me... I had the crazy idea that if I didn't say anything about the craving, maybe it would eventually go away, and I also had my reputation to protect" (211). Stigma and/or Fear of Being Discovered'"What will people think of me if they know I was in treatment? Will I lose my job if my boss finds out I was addicted? Will I lose the respect of my neighbors if I'm honest about my past? Will people in my community question my basic character and core values if they discover that I struggled for years?" "Big trouble wouldn't happen suddenly- it would be a process stretching over a period of weeks or months, starting with one secret and then adding secret upon lie upon secret upon lie until I was so full of secrets and lies that they would destroy me" (335). "Addiction is a disease so cunning and baffling, that when it tell s you that you don't have it, you believe it. Then, when it tells you that you can beat it on your own with no help from the experts, you believe that, too" (343).

5. HOW ADDICTS ULTIMATELY FIND DELIVERANCE: "Without the spiritual side of me, I may as well be a monkey... try to find a little time every day to feed your spiritual self" (p. 95). Recovery happens within a community and not in isolation" (p. 161). "Serenity comes from accepting the things one cannot change" (163). "Learn how to let the emotions come--don't fight them. Let them roll out and then deal with them as they come" (p. 200). "My disease is less about the drugs I took than the reason I took them--to blot out pain, to alter reality, to change perception, to numb my fear- because the deepest truth of my illness is my inability to live with what is right here, right in front of me. Accepting life on life's terms--that's the challenge... When you're trying to escape pain, there's only one thing more difficult than living life drunk, and that's living life sober" (208). "We can learn to live sober with our "issues", but only if we recognize that it isn't the issue that drives the addiction so much as the addiction that latches on to the issue for a free ride straight into the complicated neurological wiring that underlies the craving and the desire for oblivion" (247). "I couldn't run away anymore because whatever I was running from wasn't outside of me... Sit in it. Face it head on. Face the pain, the anger, the fear, loneliness, sadness, and shame. Don't hide. Face it.... Face it without asking for an answer or a solution. Face it knowing the outcome is beyond your control and what matters is accepting that it hurts and the reason it hurts so much is because you can't do anything about it. It just IS. Being human hurts...Face the no, the negative, the emptiness and nothingness that is at the center, because facing it is the act of faith itself, and it is not something we ever complete but a daily struggle to find peace in the midst of the chaos, relief at the heart of the suffering" (299). The willingness to "tell another human being my whole life story, admitting every flaw and "defect of character", holding nothing back" (p. 356). Recovery is not about "I and my" but about using the words we and our". Recovery from addiction at its heart and soul is about becoming part of a bigger whole... a community. We are all broken and the only "cure" for our brokenness is to be broken together" (348).

6. HOW ADDICTS STAY SOBER'"My whole life depends on not taking that first drink" (p. 297). "My disease is progressive, I know that, and I know from my most recent relapse that it's progressed into its late stages--if I relapse again, I don't think I'll get another chance" (320)

7. HOW RECOVERING ADDICTS HELP OTHER ADDICTS: "When we speak out, we become beacons of hope and pathways to help for addicts and alcoholics who don't know where else to turn. People will come out of the woodwork asking "can you please help me?" (367).

8. THOUGHTS ABOUT GOD: "It was clear from my relapses that I wasn't ready to let God control everything in my life" (293). Moyers believes he literally heard God's voice! (p. 300). "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous" (351).

Other readers will come up with their own insightful categories. Enjoy the book!