What If…I Love You

by Yvonne Marie

There’s no room for error in Renee Johnson’s life.
No one tolerates mistakes from an autistic Black woman, even in the tech world. But overnight Renee goes from a rising star in the Austin tech scene to the target of a social media firestorm.
At the heart of the controversy threatening to destroy everything she’s built, is her former best friend turn rival, Knox Lyons.
The two friends and business partners, who were once inseparable, find themselves thrust back into each other’s lives. Despite her attempts to push him away, Knox is determined to convince Renee to give him another chance.
The chemistry between them is hotter than ever, as long-held secrets come to light, and moments from their past and present collide. They can’t help but wonder…what if we were always more than friends?

Genres: Romance, Disability, African American Romance, Friends To Lovers, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Contemporary Romance, Fiction

182 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 25, 2023

About the author

Yvonne Marie is an author of contemporary romance and urban fantasy living in upstate New York. For years she dreamed up love stories in her head but was too tired and overwhelmed by the pace of life to write them down.

After being diagnosed with Autism and ADHD she discovered a roadmap to understand herself and quickly gave up trying to function in ways that depleted her creativity and embraced her lifelong dream of writing romance novels.

Now she works from her quiet home outside the city where there are stacks of books in every corner and writes diverse neurodivergent characters who overcome the debilitating obstacles the world throws at them to experience pleasure, adventure, and their own unique happily-ever-after.

Reviews

[Jaclyn Hillis]

“It was always you I wanted. I never wanted anyone else. I would rather be right here with you on your hardest days than be with anyone else. That has always been true.”

Renee Johnson is an autistic Black woman in tech, and she just created the Calm Monitor, which was designed with caregivers in mind. Knox Lyons is her former best friend, and he is at the center of the controversy threatening to destroy everything that she’s built.

✨Tropes:
friends to lovers
roommates
business partners
second chance

This was a gem of a find on Kindle Unlimited! I loved both Renee and Knox. They were best friends and business partners, then estranged for four years, before coming back to each other. Renee was very open with her journey, and she had so much character growth in such a short book. Knox was very patient and understanding. They both developed separately, then together, and I couldn’t ask for anything better in a romance.

I loved the autism representation and how it was part of who Renee was and not something that she had to overcome. I also appreciated that the book discussed how companies can take advantage of disabled individuals and how to hold them accountable for their actions.

[Bri Simpson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this was my first friends to lovers and omgggg, I loved it. It felt real and it didn’t feel drug out. A good quick read!

[ReadnliftwithShar · Rating 5 out of 5]

refreshing story!


What If...I Love You was a refreshing story that I stumbled upon. Renee and Knox were best friends and business partners at one point. But miscommunication and a quick departure from their business leads to the ultimate demise of their friendship. This a second chance at them rekindling their friendship and exploring being lovers. The author painted an accurate depiction of individuals with disabilities and the hardships they may face. I loved how open Renee was about her journey; Knox was so patient and understanding. I was squealing so much because I could tell they missed each other tremendously and the spice was much appreciated. I loved this story, truly.

[Lola · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free copy from the author through Booksprout and am voluntarily reviewing it.

This book caught my eye when I spotted it on Booksprout and after reading the sample I requested it. I really enjoyed this book, it was such a well written and realistic romance story. And I really liked the couple in this book and reading about them individually too and seeing the changes they go through in this book.

What If...I Love You is told from dual points of views of both Renee and Knox. They used to be best friends and started a company together, but they haven't spoken in years after Knox told her he would join his father's company and stop working together with her. Although there was more going on on both their sides that the other isn't aware of. When both of their companies become caught up in a social media storm they have to work together again.

I was a bit confused at first as I thought they had been lovers in the past, but only in a flashback later on in the book it's clearer up they were really close friends who lived together. I liked seeing them find their way back together and see how they opened up and found their easy friendship again. It was great seeing that friendship turn into more. I also appreciated how they both are their own person and have things they need to face and come to terms with throughout the story. There is some amazing character growth and development for both of them and I really enjoyed that part. Both felt like real and realistic characters and it was a joy to read about them.

I thought the autistic representation was really well done. Renee is autistic and that really shows in who she is. I liked how integrated it was in her personality and really part of her, not just something she struggles with. I liked seeing her face things and figure things out when it came to her company and the product she designed. I really liked seeing how she handled and resolved things and figured out more about herself in the process too.

Knox was awesome too. I liked how accepting Knox was of Renee and everything that she is. It was really wonderful to see how he dealt with things and was there for her. I thought Know had an interesting plot line too with how he has taken over his father's company and now has to figure out what type of CEO he wants to be. The ending of this book felt really strong with them both figuring out the resolution to their struggles and things fall on their place and then their happy ending was awesome.

I only wish there had been an epilogue of some sort at the end of the book as I wanted to see more of them and their future. There was a downloadable epilogue that I still have to read so that might change how I feel about it, but that's not part of the actual book. I also would've liked to know earlier on that they didn't have a romantic relationship in the past, as with it marketed as a second chance romance I immediately jumped to that conclusion. Once I had read that flashback chapter I felt like I much better understood their relationship and what happened, but I would've liked it earlier, although I do understand why it's placed where it is in the book.

To summarize: This was a wonderful read. I really liked reading about both Renee and Knox, both are realistic and relatable characters and it was a joy to read about them and their romance. Both have an interesting character development arc throughout the book and the last few chapters were really engaging and satisfying to read where they both figure things out and find their way forward and together. I liked the romance between the two of them and seeing them find their way back together and develop their friendship into more. They were just such a great couple. I thought the autistic representation was really well done, it really was a part of Renee's personality and it was very well written. This was an awesome read and I can't wait to read more of this author's books in the future!

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Remind me to never drink coffee late in the evening again. That’s why I’m up reading.

Friends to lovers is the elite romance trope. I don’t make the rules but this is a hill I will perish on. This story was good it moved quickly but I could have taken a little more longing. Wasn’t my favorite how things escalated. There wasn’t enough sweetness before the spice it was very much 0-100 imo. I like Renee’s growth and Knox ofc. I want to be more patient having read this.

[Shelby Eileen · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 rounded up! I want so many people to read this novella! Need more Black Autistic love stories written by Black Autistic women! I love the way Knox loves Renee :') I love how she feels safe and cared for in his friendship and his unconditional understanding of her needs. Renee x Knox 4 life.

[Nicki ⍣ · Rating 2 out of 5]

ZZZ.... What a bore! ohmygod. I am sorry but I genuinely could not force myself to care. It’s nice to have an autistic Black female lead but you guys know my biggest complaint will always be that I need to feel the chemistry if you are a romance and this left me drier than a menopausal grandma.

[Mrs. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this story

I wasn't sure what to expect from this story. I can admit, it was informative, gentle, explorative and almost too short. The bonus chapter was cute too. I'm going to see what this author...

[Alice · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Rating⭐⭐⭐
Amount of spice:🔥
Explicitness: 🌶️🌶️🌶️

❤️Autistic FMC
❤️Friends to Lovers
❤️Billionaire Romance
❤️Care-taking
❤️Second Chance
❤️Novella Length

I felt a little ambivalent about this one. I did enjoy it, the neurodivergent representation was great and I flew through it but I think it’s a little too forgettable.

It was very rushed and would have benefitted from a little more character development and depth. The third act conflict also frustrated me because it made no sense - she says she doesn’t want to hurt Knox in the process but then goes and throws the company he’s the CEO of under the bus and doesn’t even bother discussing it with him first, which doesn’t make sense given they’re best friends who know each other so well. It was proof of how little communication they had and if this was real life I would assume that the relationship would not last. There just wasn’t quite enough substance to either character to make it believable.

I do think the author’s style of writing was great and I would be interested to see what else they write.

I would recommend it if you love a second chance, friends to lovers romance and great neurodivergent representation.

[Alivia · Rating 1 out of 5]

wasn't my favorite but it was nice seeing them get back together at the end.

[sigh · Rating 2 out of 5]

2/5 stars. Spoilers hidden.

I really wanted to love this book. While I love the premise and the story in theory, I really think this book would've benefitted by maybe two more rounds of editing.

My biggest complaint is the pacing, because ultimately that affects the entire rest of the story. The pacing is at breakneck speed all the time which at first I thought was a stylistic choice to reflect Renee's state of mind given the controversy surrounding her company (and I really appreciated it because I was like "oh! yeah as a fellow autistic this feels like how I would process information it's so cool to see this stylistic choice!") but as the story went on I realized no, that's just how the entire story is written. Which is a shame because it means that everything feels inconsequential – the moments that we're supposed to linger on and are supposed to have a giant impact all feel less important because they're so rushed.

Example 1: We're supposed to believe there's all this tension and will-they-won't-they because of the bad history between them but all it takes is Knox calming Renee down after a night terror and the next morning they're fucking?? No "hello," no "good morning, how are you?" just waking up and time to smash.

Example 2: The choice to have Renee essentially throw Knox under the bus on live TV was very strange, especially given the fact that she didn't really seem to try anything else. Renee wanting to assert agency/not wanting to rely on Knox to handle it and also her wanting to halt everything swiftly is perfectly valid, but things were not moving so swiftly that this was her only option. It felt rushed and the fact that it is rushed undermines the conflict. Which is a shame because if we had seen a better build up then her choice to go public would have been that much more impactful.

Example 3: Because everything feels so rushed, the discussion of ethics in tech and internalized ableism is mentioned a couple times but never actually gotten into. Obviously I'm not expecting a dissertation level analysis in a romance book but it's incredibly surface level and it's frustrating because we could get into it but we don't.

Example 4: Because things were so rushed, we had no time to sit and linger with the fact that there was paparazzi following them and spinning a story because by the time we processed that a picture had been taken we were already moving on to the next thing. Honestly I kept forgetting about the paparazzi, that's how inconsequential that was as a plot point. Which again, is a shame, because it could've been used well as a plot device.

There's more examples but in short: I wish there was a better editor on board. I really wanted to love this.

[Alexandria Woods · Rating 2 out of 5]

I Didn't Feel This One

*****Spoilers*****


Renee is autistic, and the sole owner of a company that designs, patents, and sells their technology to another organization. She started the company with her good friend Knox who walked away from their company 4 years ago without an explanation. After so many years living together as roommates and best friends, Renee was confused and hurt. Turns out the reason that Knox left was because his father was dying and the wish he put in front of Knox at the time was that Knox take over as the CEO of the company his father was the CEO of at the time. When Renee and Knox reconnect, it's because one of her designs was sold to Knox's company which was in contract with another company to use it. The only problem was there was a ton of backpack from the community it was supposed to help. Instead, bad company planned to misuse the technology which caused a media firestorm for both Renee's and Knox's organizations. Knox is trying to handle things as a new CEO and asks Renee not to make statements or go on interviews while he's trying to work through his company's options. 


Meanwhile, Renee and Knox reconnect as friends, then more. They have more time together in the same place because Renee moves in with Knox temporarily after a pipe burst in her home. She stays with Knox while whatever repairs need to be done are completed. At one point, Renee learns that Knox's company hadn't cancelled the contact with the bad company and decides to accept an interview during which she publicly asks Knox's company to cancel the contract with bad company or let her modify the technology so that it can't be used in nefarious ways. Knox is pissed, Renee moves out, and we wait for the end. Knox is about to maneuver to remove the existing board because of conflicts of interest. The board members were in bed with bad company and had a separate interested in seeing the deal go well. 


All in all I was really bored reading this story and couldn't wait for it to be over. I'd like to have been able to really enjoy it but couldn't. We don't really know anything about Renee or Knox outside of that little bit so I wasn't able to really develop any feelings about them as individuals or as a couple. Therefore, nothing that occurred moved me.

[Lexi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay so first: I really enjoyed this. Knox is a good partner. He understands her and takes care of her in a way I wish I had for myself. The autism rep was excellent (read: painfully relatable) and the story had a nice flow.

However, I would've enjoyed this even more if he'd reached out to her earlier, wanted her a little more before their names came up together in a news story, tried a little harder to fix things at any point. Because abandoning her and the business they'd built like that? Finally fixing it month and a half later with the barest of minimums of solutions when you find ammunition someone else left for you? Turning around to try to make this a thing where she abandoned you first and it's really half her fault you dumped the company on her and sold out without a single truthful word of explanation? I'm not saying this is what he was intending, but what he actually did was date people he could have a certain type of relationship with while also expecting her to be around for the emotional connection. His behavior toward her in any given moment is SO considerate that I just didn't get how his behavior in key, outward ways just didn't align with loving her at all.

The plot doesn't make a ton of sense most of the time. Something you did goes viral in the worst way and you take weeks to think about a plan of action? Being seen together is bad, so you...move in together and go camping with a group of strangers (sidebar: are they like insured to do these camping trips? Because Knox just kind of shows up, and they do let the hikers all go off by themselves at one point) in the same tent? Why is "What if..." in the title when it's barely mentioned before the literal last page?

I think I liked this book too much, because all I keep doing is playing my own what if game because, ultimately, I so badly wanted it to be better

[Tracy - loves to read · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a perfect second chance story

This story gave me all of the feels.

Renee is a shy, academically gifted Black girl from the Bay - yay area! Knox is the charismatic former best friend/safe place and former business partner of Renee who is the newly appointed CEO of his deceased father’s company.

Renee has her challenges that she faces being autistic that she pushes through and doesn’t allow it to define her and hinder her. She uses her autistic super powers for good and creates things that would help the caregivers of those with autism as well as autistic people. Her own experiences are clouding her vision and she misses the mark on one of her inventions.
Knox is trying to fill the very large shoes left by his father and he has lost his own identity in the process.

A huge nightmare of a situation ensues and it puts the former best friends in the same sinking ship. They’re both and their companies are being dragged through the mud because of the actions of another companies toxic practices. They have no choice but to come together after all of these years apart in order to address and resolve the issues.

I enjoyed this book because they were each other’s safe space. I loved the flashbacks of their moments together, their interactions and their overall friendship. I could totally see their true feelings for each other below the surface from the past to current. loved how they evolved and emerged confident, sure and willing to do what needed to be done ethically to make things right. I loved learning about autism and getting the perspective of those who are autistic and how they must be considered, respected and allowed to make their own decisions about their care. Lastly I loved them and their road to each other.

Wonderful read!

[Jules · Rating 3 out of 5]

(2.75 stars)

I think this only felt fast-paced because of how short it is. They don't have sex or discuss any feelings toward each other until around the 52% mark, so if the book were any longer, I'd call it a medium burn. I loved the autistic representation; fans of Talia Hibbert might enjoy this. I didn't really feel the romantic connection between the two main characters, but again, that could be an issue of length. I don't know if I would stop talking to my BEST friend, my person, for FOUR YEARS for the reasons they did, but I guess you never actually know how you would handle something until you're thrown in the middle of it. I liked the social commentary and the focus on righting wrongs, both in personal and professional relationships.

I found this book on a whim after downloading another book by Deanna Grey. I went into it without reading the reviews (there are more on Amazon than Storygraph and Goodreads). I liked it, but I skimmed parts that felt insignificant to the romance and even the plot. If it weren't for the amazing autistic representation and how short it was, I might have DNF'd it. Even though it was a mix of plot- and character-driven, I didn't feel like much actually happened (which is typical of a purely character-driven romance). I thought it was just average, maybe slightly above average. I thought the writing style was solid. I would love to read more of this author's work in the future, and I hope she keeps writing, because I think hers is a voice that is so sorely missing in traditional publishing.

[CLorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

In What If….I Love You by Yvonne Marie, this innovative new voice gives readers a refreshing and delicately nuanced view of a young woman who is neurodivergent, navigating love, business and accountability. Renee is the cofounder of Renox, a company created to make tech more accessible to all but especially people with disabilities. The other founder is Knox, Renee’s former best friend. The pair went their separate ways after a split riddled with misconceptions and hurt feelings. They find themselves on the opposite sides of a controversy involving one of Renee’s apps which happens to be marketed/produced by Knox’s current company. Will Renee and Knox, former best friends forever, be able to circumvent the media circus and their bruised feeling in order to fix the broken spaces of both business and heart? I really enjoyed this poignant story and the author’s authentic depiction of autism. The story is told from both points of view which made for concise storytelling. Knox was an awesome leading man and Renee was a joy to discover. Well done!.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Amber V. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish this book was longer, not because it was such a great story, but to address so many plot holes. Don’t get me wrong, the story has great potential. I loved the autism/neurodivergent representation but the story fell short. We don’t really know much about the beginnings of their love story. When did Knox know he had feelings for Renee? When did she know she had feelings for him? What was the moment? The sex scene smack dab in the middle felt disjointed from the rest of the story. It felt unnecessary. Plus, we only see it from Knox’s perspective but never hear from Renee how she felt about what happened. It’s never addressed. For it to be such a hot sex scene, hearing it from Renee’s perspective would have added so much more to the story, especially since there is a line about overwhelming her senses as a person with autism. I would’ve loved to know how that made her feel. This would’ve been a better love story if it were longer with more time to build out their relationship.

[Aura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting

I don't know how to put into words how this book made me feel. At first, I was kinda bored and annoyed with it but I'm glad I stuck it out to the end. I got bored because some of the book is so repetitive. The way it was constantly reiterated that knox and renee founded the company was rather annoying, as were some other aspects. But i made it through all that. Renee and Knox love story isn't filled with the huge declarations of love that I'm used to in the books I usually read. Their love is quiet, but still passionate and filled with angst till the end. I especially loved the what if game in the end. Seeing them find their way back to each other was a journey I'm glad I took.

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: ableism, graphic sexual content, death of a parent

🌟 Second Chance Friends to Lovers

🌈 Neurodiverse FMC (autism rep)
🌈 Black MCs

This was so good for such a short story. I love Renee so much! Her relationship with her neurodiversity develops so much in the space of 180-something pages. It goes from being perceived almost as an obstacle, to just being a part of herself as a human. Her ultimate turn to advocacy was a beautiful development and I was cheering her on with every step.

Knox was a wonderful MMC. His unwavering support and care for Renee was beautiful to read.

You should read this if you're looking for something short and sweet, wonderful autism representation, and an MMC who is absolutely head over heels.

[Norell Alesse · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had great autism/neurodivergence rep, but that’s all I liked about it. I enjoyed Renee as a character but did not care for Knox at all. He was too pushy and didn’t respect boundaries and was somewhat emotionally manipulative. He hasn’t spoken to Renee in four years, but insists she come live with him when she has a flood in her townhouse. He invites himself on her camping trip and intentionally doesn’t bring his own tent so that he can sleep in Renee’s. He said he was angry with Renee for moving out of their shared apartment years prior, but he was in a physical relationship with another woman and Renee rightfully felt like a third wheel. There were other things he did that I didn’t like, but I think my examples are enough lol.

[Stef · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a lovely book. One of the handful of times I’ve actually fully related to a FMC and could understand her motivations for everything.
This also made me consider my own internalized ableism.

I saw this in another review and I agree- wanted a bit more for the ending. It felt like it cut off very quickly. I wanted to see just a bit more into the future of any other changes Knox was making to the company and any successful projects she had with the AU group.
It’s not enough for me to take a star away because I really enjoyed the rest of it so much.

Two spicy scenes and the first one happened so suddenly I wasn’t prepared lol 🥵

[L H · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story told from both Knox and Renee's point of views was powerful because it touched on so many aspects of their lives. The careers they built, the friendship that they had treasured when they were bffs, the love they feel for one another. They had a lot to resolve and the author does a masterful job of taking us through their journey doing just that.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[SL Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story

I loved this book! It is the first time I’ve read a book with a neurodivergent character. But what was great about this story was how Knox got Renee. He understood her. And because of their circumstances, Renee had a chance to learn more about herself and her own strength. Thank you for writing this book Ms. Marie and making it realistic and yet still romantic. Looking forward to more!

[Yvonne Archer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story

Interesting storyline with a focus on a second chance for love with a couple of which one has autism.
I like the way the author introduced the disorder into the story and didn't make it more than it was
People are capable of living ordinary lives with disorders everyday its everyone else that makes it difficult for them
I loved the characters they were relatable and the love story that unfold s was beautiful
Great job Yvonne
Highly recommend

[Ruth (KindleReads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Storylike

This short read was very engaging. It gave the right amount of spice, it gave the right amount of chapters to develop backstory so that way you felt engaged in the main characters conflict of emotion as they pursued this friends to lover story arc. The only sad thing is that the ending kind of felt rushed, and it also felt kind of incomplete, but that's how I kind of feel about all novellas that can clearly be a full-blown story.

[Pamela Powell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the Story You Didn’t Know You Needed!

I loved this book. As a former teacher of Autistic students I was wary about reading this. It strikes the right balance and also has a great love story to boot! Nay and Knox are adorable together. He has always been her protector, and it seems he had a crush but didn’t know it! I also love how both characters had to find themselves and what they wanted to stand for. This book needs to be made into a movie!

[Nikki Hoffmann · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a tad predictable, but entertaining. You always know the couple will end up together so there are not any surprises or twists. The main characters are people to root for, dealing with their own relatable traumas. The book touches on folks with neurological roadblocks and I felt this component of the story was informative and uncommon. I would read from this author again (the predictability factor) but I enjoyed the book and read it on a single plane ride.

[Mylene Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prolific dater Renee is bored with the endless meaningless dates. Then life throws Knox back into her life and she can't move forward. Explanations and forgiveness are required here. I really nice story showing how difficult the basics can be for some of us. A good read.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Melody Ford · Rating 3 out of 5]

She gets it right

Neurodivergence shines beautifully in this book. I love how well she and other black others have leads like this in a complementary non-pagentry way. Indo feel some parts could have been fleshed out (like the origin of the title) and other parts shortened. But overall very well done.

[Elizabeth Cooley · Rating 4 out of 5]

beautiful love story!

This love story is so beautiful! It touches on accepting the one you love as they are while both partners find a way to grow together! It’s also a beautiful story of accepting others without expecting them to change to make us more comfortable! Especially those who are neurodivergent! Beautifully done!